This sentence has five words. This is five words too. Five word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It's like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes when I am certain the reader is rested I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the symbols, and sounds that say listen to this, it is important.

Writing Journal #1

A. Read the paragraph below. What is the paragraph both showing and telling?

B. Evaluate the paragraph’s claim: Is this an accurate assessment of syntax? Why or why not?

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is know to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears, and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call… THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is know to man. It is a dimension as acute as one degree and as obtuse as 179 degrees. It is the vast plane between simple addition and advanced calculus, between infinity and probability, and it lies between the teacher’s daily cup of hot coffee and the student’s daily pile of homework problems. This is the dimension of chalkboard scribbles. It is an area which we call the Math Zone.

“Remember the day I borrowed your brand new car, and I dented it? I thought you’d kill me, but you didn’t. And remember the time I dragged you to the beach, and you said it would rain, and it did? I thought you’d say, “I told you so,” but you didn’t. Do you remember the time I flirted with all the guys to make you jealous and you were? I thought you’d leave me, but you didn’t. Do you remember the time I spilled strawberry pie all over your car rug? I thought you’d hit me, but you didn’t. And remember the time I forgot to tell you that the dance was formal, and you showed up in jeans. I thought you’d drop me, but you didn’t. Yes, there were lots of things you didn’t do. But you put up with me, and you loved me, and you protected me. There were lots of things I wanted to make up to you when you returned from Vietnam. But you didn’t.”

(Leo Buscalia)

“Remember the day I borrowed your brand new car, and I dented it? I thought you’d kill me, but you didn’t. And remember the time I dragged you to the beach, and you said it would rain, and it did? I thought you’d say, “I told you so,” but you didn’t. Do you remember the time I flirted with all the guys to make you jealous and you were? I thought you’d leave me, but you didn’t. Do you remember the time I spilled strawberry pie all over your car rug? I thought you’d hit me, but you didn’t. And remember the time I forgot to tell you that the dance was formal, and you showed up in jeans. I thought you’d drop me, but you didn’t. Yes, there were lots of things you didn’t do. But you put up with me, and you loved me, and you protected me. There were lots of things I wanted to make up to you when you returned from Vietnam. But you didn’t.”

(Leo Buscalia)

Write it yourself“Remember the day I _________________________ and _____________? I thought ____________ but you didn’t. And remember the time I _________________________? I thought you’d _____________________, but you didn’t. Do you remember the time I _______________________? I thought you’d _____________________, but you didn’t. Do you remember the time I _______________________? I thought you’d _________________, but you didn’t. And remember the time I ____________________________, and ______________________. I thought you’d ___________, but you didn’t. Yes, there were lots of things you didn’t do. But you ____________, and you ______________, and you ____________. I wanted to ___________________________ when you ____________________. But you didn’t.”

           With the scorching prairie fires, it came. With the surging floods, it came. With the defensive Indians, it came. With every step, death came to the wagon trains. --- Kati Moseley

           Between what breathes absolute death and what breathes glorious life, between what laughs and what never cries, between the hope of joy and the fear of pain, lies the emotion of the soul. --- Christi Flick

           With the cutting of each branch, with the sawing of each tree, with the depletion of each forest, the world continues to lose valuable wilderness." --- Annie Diorio

Rhythms with Phrases

With the ____________________, it came. With the _________________ it came. With the ____________________ it came. With every _______________, ____________ came to the ____________.

Between what ______________ _______________ ______________ and what _______________ ___________________ _______________, between what _____________________ and what never __________________, between the _____________________ of ________________ and the _______________ of _________________ lies the _________________ of ________________.

With the____________________, with the________________________, with the _______________________, the ____________________________________________________________________________________________.

When Santa Claus does not come down the chimney anymore, when the boogie monster no longer lurks under your bed, when the tooth fairy turns out to be only your parents, then childhood dies. --- Chris Hloros

He was a guy who had no fear of death, who had no sense of worry, who had no regrets--- a sky diver. --- Lindsey Kannen

Like every great picture, and every great sculpture, words belong to none, but belong to all. They still hold the basics of communication, still control the whispers of childhood ghost stories, still guard the meaning of secret phrases and glances that hover in every home under every cloud

This is a (man / woman) who _____________________________, a (man / woman) who ___________________________________, and a (man / woman) who__________________________________________. This is_____________________________.

Some days you _______________ _______________. Some days you_____________ _________________. Some days you ____________ ______________. Some days you _______________ _____________ __________________ ______________. Some days are made for ________.

Some days you cry yourself to sleep. Some days you laugh so hard milk come out of your nose. Some days you listen to Louis Armstrong. Some days you listen to droning lectures. Some days are made for silence.

Writing Lab

• Revise/ edit your personal essay. – Pay special attention to detail, structure, and

sentence fluency• Go to http:// online.weber.k12.ut.us (just type

online)• Post your best paragraph to the forum.

– Read through 5 other paragraphs. Reply to these posts and give feedback on the specificity of their details, the effectiveness of their structure, and the variation/rhythm of their sentence fluency.