Things that matter during the first stages of formation of giant planets
Things that matter most.. If this is Jody VanDrimmelen so ...€¦ · “The things that matter...
Transcript of Things that matter most.. If this is Jody VanDrimmelen so ...€¦ · “The things that matter...
2/27/2013
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If this is
a good
idea…
why is it
so hard? Jody VanDrimmelen, LMSW
Things that matter most..
Jody VanDrimmelen Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 2
Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 3 Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 4
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Perfect
Family
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Aubrey 4 yrs old
Jeff 2 years old
Randi 7 months
Christmas 1978
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Elder Uchdorf
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“In the end, happiness
does not spring from
perfection but from
applying divine
principles, even
in small steps.”
President Gordon B. Hinckley
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“Families are falling
apart all over the world.
The old ties that bound
together father and
mother and children are
breaking everywhere.
Hearts are broken:
children weep.” SF pg 1
The
World
philosophy
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THE FAMILY PROCLAMATION
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“Husband and wife
have a solemn
responsibility to love
and care for each
other.”
Boyd K. Packer
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“No relationship has more
potential to exalt a man and
a woman than the marriage
covenant. No obligation in
society or in the Church
supersedes it in
importance.” Ensign,
May 1981, 15
James E. Faust –
Reasons for divorce
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“Among then are ..
Selfishness, immaturity
lack of commitment,
inadequate
communication,
unfaithfulness, and all of
the rest, which are
obvious and well known…. Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 16
“… In my experience there is
another reason which seems not so
obvious. It is the lack of a constant
enrichment in marriage.
It is an absence of that
something extra which
makes it precious, special
and wonderful, when it is
also drudgery, difficult ad
dull.”
Family Proclamation
• “Children are an heritage of the Lord.”
Parents have a sacred duty to rear their
children in love and righteousness, to provide
for their physical and spiritual needs, and to
teach them to love and serve one another,
observe the commandments of God,
and be law-abiding citizens wherever
they live. Husbands and wives—
mothers and fathers—will be held
accountable before God for the
discharge of these obligations.”
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"Above all else, children
need to know and feel
they are loved, wanted,
and appreciated. They
need to be assured of
that often. Obviously,
this is a role parents
should fill, and most
often the mother can do
it best."
"Salvation--A Family Affair," Ensign,
July 1992, 4
President Ezra Taft Benson
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How much attention
have you given to
your relationships
this past week?
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“During courtship, couples often spend
much time together. They focus on their
relationship and seek to fulfill each
others needs. They often express
affection by showing kindness and
respect, being generous sharing goals
and values, spending time together,
giving compliments, talking and
listening, giving gifts, remembering
special occasions, and sending love
notes, letter and cards.” TSM PG 55
President Spencer W. Kimball
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Love … cannot be expected to last
forever unless it is continually fed
with portions of love, the
manifestation of esteem and
admiration, the expressions of
gratitude, and the consideration
of unselfishness.”
Marriage and Divorce, 23
Elder Marlin K. Jensen
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“Enticing voices will speak to us of
worldly achievements and acquisitions
that may lead us on dangerous detours
from which we can return only with
great effort. Small , seemingly,
insignificant choices along the
way will have large consequences
that will determine our
eventual destiny.”
“A Union of Love and Understanding” Ensign, Oct 1994, 50
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The following Principles will help you to enrich your family…..
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Center your marriage in the
Gospel of Jesus Christ
Have fun together
Take time for each other
Talk frequently and positively
Perform acts of kindness
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Johann Wolfgang Goethe
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“The things that
matter most must
not be at the mercy
of the things that
matter least.” –
Russell M. Ballard
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“If marriage [family] is a
prime relationship in life, it
deserves prime time! Yet less
important appointments are
often given priority, leaving
only leftover moments for
listening to precious
partners.”
Time for
each other
President Hinckley
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“Together with your family,
determine how much time you will
spend with them and when. And
then stick to it. Try not to let
anything interfere. Consider it
sacred. Consider it binding.
Consider it an earned time of
enjoyment.”
Worldwide Leadership Meeting, June 2003, 22-23.
Time for
each other Talk frequently and Positively
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Positive (+) vs Negative (-) Communication
Beginning Marriage- “Honeymoon stage”
+++++++++++++++++++++++----
+++++++++++++++++----------------
++++++++++++-------------------
++++----------------------------
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Talk to
each other
Magic Ratio
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5 to 1 Positive to Negative
Talk to
each other
“Happy Couples were much more
positive each other”
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Showing interest in what their spouse had to say
Being affectionate though acts of tenderness, holding hands and expressing love
Showing they cared though small acts of thoughtfulness, occasional gifts, and telephone calls.
Showing appreciation by expressing thanks, giving compliments, and expressing pride in their spouse.
Talk to
each other
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Showing concern when their spouse was
troubled.
Being empathetic, showing they understood
and felt what their spouse was feeling.
Being accepting, letting their spouse
know that they accepted and
respected hat she or he said, even
when they disagreed with it.
Sharing joy when excited or
delighted.
John Gottman “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail” pg 57
Skills to help improve communication
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Ask Questions
Invite the
conversation to
begin
Skills to help improve
communication
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Listen Actively • Body Language
• Rephrase
• Do not interject your own
biases to make a point.
• Accept the other person’s
thought and feelings… don’t
criticize or judge them.
Skills to help improve
communication
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Share intentions “I want you to know that I love you
and value our relationship. There
is a problem we need to discuss.
I want us to resolved the
problem so we will continue
to feel close to each other
and feel good about
each other.”
Skills to help improve communication
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Use “I” Statements “I feel angry”… instead of “You make me angry” “I feel upset when the dishes are left in the sink and
not put into the dishwasher”… instead of “You are so lazy”
“I” statements share personal feelings and give reasons for them.
“You” statements convey judgment, place blame are negative & often give distorted information.
Skills to help improve communication
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Speak non defensively
and agree with the truth
“When you take responsibility for
mistakes, you can calm arguments
and increase your credibility.
If you deny the truth, you often
intensify problems and
appear weak and guilty.”
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Skills to help improve communication
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Clearly state preferences “Un-communicated expectations can
hamper a relationship for years. When
expectations are not met, individuals often
feel disappointed, frustrated, and angry,
even if they have not expressed their
desires or expectations. Eventually
they may become disillusioned
with the relationship.”
Susan Page, The Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive, 152.
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•Words of Affirmation •Quality Time •Receiving Gifts •Acts of Service •Physical Touch
Acts of Kindness
The Five Love Languages
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I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me, and for the simple, everyday things I do.
I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me.
I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts and other tangible expressions of love.
I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me, perhaps by running errands or taking on my
household chores. I feel especially loved when a person expresses feelings
for me though physical contact.
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• The 5 Love Languages® • WHO? ________________________
• WHAT?- The Five Love Languages.. find out which
one is that persons love language by experimentation!
• HOW? What can you do in each area …Specifically….
• WHEN? Specifically you will try this.
• RECORD the response
• Compare and evaluate the responses…
• see which one has the best response
• from your family member!
• Keep working to speak their love
• so they know how important they are to you !
Words of Affirmation
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Actions don’t always speak louder than words.
If this is your love language, unsolicited
compliments mean the world to you.
Hearing the words, “I love you,” are
important—hearing the reasons behind that
love sends your spirits skyward.
Insults can leave you shattered
and are not easily forgotten.
Ideas?
When?
Response?
Skills to help improve communication
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Give Honest Praise
“Reminding your partner (and
yourself !) that you really admire him
or her is likely to have a powerful,
positive effect on the rest of your
conversation.”
John Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, pg 196
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“The courtship that occurs before marriage is
even more essential afterward. Husband and
wives help each other address life’s challenges
when they show genuine respect, kindness and
affection for each other. …
Continued acts of kindness and
expressions of love create strong,
enduring bonds between husbands
and wives.”
TCM pg 61
L. Tom Perry • "In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it is
more important than ever to make our families
the center of our lives and the top of our
priorities. . . .
• "We need to make our homes a place of refuge
from the storm, which is increasing in
• intensity all about us. Even if the
• smallest openings are left unattended,
• negative influences can penetrate
• the very walls of our homes." • "The Importance of the Family," Ensign, May 2003, 40
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“Diligently doing the
things that matter
most will lead us to
the Savior of the
world.”
Elder Uchdorf Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 47
Steven R. Covey
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“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”
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If this is
a good
idea…
why is it
so hard? Jody VanDrimmelen, LMSW
Things that matter most..
Jody VanDrimmelen