Royal Bank LetterPublished by Royal Bank of Canada

Vol. 72 No.3 May~June 1991

The Way of AdviceIf people were only as fond of acceptingadvice as they are of dispensing it,the world could make greater use of itsreserves of knowledge and ability. Herewe consider the taking and giving of advice,both of which require thought and skill ...

Of the many good reasons why people should makea habit of seeking advice, the best is that nobody isinfallible. As the great Elizabethan playwright BenJonson wrote, "No man is so wise that he may noteasily err if he takes no other counsel but his own."

From sages in ancient temples to consultants inmodern office towers, the message has been handeddown through the centuries that advice is essential toboth individual and group endeavours. The Bible hasmuch to say in support of giving and taking counsel."A word spoken in due season, how good is it!" theBook of Proverbs exclaims.

But though the wisdom of the ages is unanimouslyagreed as to the desirability of advice, it has alwaystaken note of the maddening reluctance of people tofollow it. Sounding for all the world like a motherreproaching her teenaged son, The Book of Isaiahcomplains to the unrighteous, "your ears are wideopen but nothing is heard."

When it comes to advice, the mass of people clearlysubscribe to the biblical doctrine that it is more blessedto give than to receive. In fact, as the worldly Frenchphilosopher Duc de la Rochefoucauld observed, thereis nothing people will give more lavishly. The sheervolume of advice, and the ease with which it can bethought up, is one of the chief reasons why it is oftennot taken seriously enough.

In his poem Tam o’Shanter Robert Bums presentsa sardonic image of wives’ "counsels sweet" and"sage advices" falling on the deaf ears of husbands.And it is true that much of the "advice" routinelydished out in households runs the risk of being treatedas mere background noise.

This is especially so where young people are

concerned. It is ironic that people are most exposedto good counsel at a time of life when they are least-inclined psychologically to take advantage of it.Adolescents who are constantly being exhorted to"listen to me" are apt to regard parental guidanceas part of an adult conspiracy against their age group.

Their disinclination to listen to the voices ofmaturity is based on the delusion that the advice oftheir elders is obsolete. Everything has changed sincethese older people were in their formative years, sothat whatever they have to say is irrelevant -- or soit seems. Generation after generation, the story is thesame; youths have no way of knowing how little thefundamental elements of human happiness and miseryhave altered beneath the shifting surface of fashionand trends.

But "the best substitute for experience is being 18,"and in many cases there is nothing to be done butwait until actual experience comes forth to teach itsharsh lessons. It is unfortunate that nature hasarranged it so that young people must learn from theirown mistakes, instead of those of others who havegone before them and are only too glad to point outthe pitfalls. But as Benjamin Franklin declared, "wecan give advice, but we cannot give conduct.Remember this: they that will not be counselledcannot be helped."

It must noted that not all advice consists of purereason, and that not all of the sensible courses ofaction so sagely recommended to young persons aresuited to their circumstances and personalities. Whatis good guidance for the majority may be very badfor some.

As a general rule, however, it is unwise to reject

any advice without first considering it carefully. If,as the saying goes, advice costs nothing to give, it alsocosts nothing to take into account.

These days, indeed, it might be deemed almost aluxury to have access to well-meaning advice, whetheror not you act on it. There was a time in Canadiansociety when an ordinary person faced with animportant decision would automatically have anumber of experienced people to turn to -- parentsand grandparents, aunts and uncles, neighbours,teachers, clergymen, etc. Now, in the state of isolationthat accompanies mobility and urbanization, manypeople may have no one close to them to help themmake up their minds.

It is particularly worth listening with deference towhat older people have to say, on the reasonablepremise that advances in age bring advances inunderstanding. De Rochefoucauld speculated that"old people like to give good advice, as solace forno longer being able to provide bad examples." Bethat as it may, people do tend to have moreknowledge of the world and to grow more thoughtfulthe older they get.

No doubt a bad example can detract from theeffectiveness of good advice. If he genuinely wantshis patients to do what he recommends, a doctor whopromotes a spartan diet should not let them see himgorging himself in a restaurant.

Though we shoul dnever flatly rejectadvice, we should

sometimes bewary of advisors

On the other hand, it could be said that the worst(or formerly worst) people make the best advisors,

if only because theybring a certain expertiseto bear on a subject. Acloistered saint cannot beof much help on thedetails of what to watchout for in the way oftemptation. The numer-

ous mutual-support groups that have grown out ofAlcoholics Anonymous realize that those who havefallen and picked themselves up are in a better positionto assist in the rehabilitation of others than those whohave never slipped.

Support groups composed of individuals who facemore or less the same problems in life have provedto be an especially valuable source of guidance onpractical matters, in addition to providing mutualsympathy. The difficulty in persuading people to seekhelp from them or other sources of counsellingillustrates the more general difficulty in getting peopleto act on advice of any kind.

Some seem to think that to turn to others forguidance is a sign of insufficient self-reliance, whereasit is really only sensible self-reliance to get all the back-

up you can muster. The Toronto managementconsultant William Nolan is an advocate of what hecalls the "advice call," in which people confrontedwith career decisions call on successful role modelsand ask their advice about their professionalsituations. "The advice call has worked for thousandsof people in many fields" in grappling with careerdecisions, Nolan says.

Many friendshipshave ended whena little friendlyadvice has been

too close tothe bone

One of the advantages of actively soliciting adviceis that that you -- not the 9erson giving it -- are in

control of the process.You can weigh and siftthrough the recommen-dations, accepting andrejecting which parts areappropriate to you. Youcan canvass differentviewpoints in the hope of

being exposed to new perspectives on the situationyou face.

Of course, this does not apply to unsolicited advice,which is why many thinking persons are suspicious,if not exactly of advice, then of advisors. Part of thiswariness arises from the fact that the advisor is in aposition of psychological superiority over the"advisee."

Some advisors glory in the opportunity to demon-strate how much brighter and generally better theyare than their auditors. As Dr. Samuel Johnsonobserved, people will sometimes reject counsel givenin this spirit even when it may be to their advantage:"Vanity is so frequently the apparent motive of advicethat we, for the most part, summon our powers tooppose it without any very accurate inquiry whetherit is right."

Certainly much advice carries a whiff of patroni-zation which makes it difficult for a sensitive personto accept cheerfully. For instance, prosperous peo-ple are in the habit of making helpful suggestions tothe poor, such as "why don’t you get a job that paysmore?"

Unsolicited counsel always stands to be despised,which is why a Spanish proverb holds that you shouldnever give advice unless you are asked for it. Thoughit is usually well-intentioned enough, at least one formof it should be regarded watchfully. This is advicewhich contains a discernible degree of flattery. It hasbeen shrewdly said that "when men abuse us, weshould suspect ourselves, and when they praise us,them."

Flattery is a fairly reliable indicator that someoneis "advising" you to do something that is to his orher own advantage. Behind the reassuring face of aperson whose only apparent concern is your welfare,

a conflict of interest may lurk. Of course, some peo-ple who call themselves counsellors make no bonesabout being out to sell you something. If they trulybelieve in their product, they can advise you to buyit with all the honesty in the world.

The more powerful or prosperous your position,the more self-serving advice you are likely to comein for. In his examination of men in high places,Francis Bacon noted that it is rare for them to receivecounsel that is not bent to the giver’s personal pur-poses, "except it be from a perfect and entirefriend..."

Many the friendship has in fact been terminatedwhen a little friendly advice has been too direct, andthus touched the nerve-ends of truth about a person’sshortcomings. George Canning once made light ofsuch situations in a little poem: "Give me the avowed,the erect, the manly foe/bold I can meet, perhapsturn his blow!/But of all plagues, good Heavens,thy wrath can send,/save, save, oh save me fromthe candid friend."

Nevertheless, if their friendship is to qualify as solidand true, friends are positively obliged to treat oneanother with frankness. It is only sensible to havefriends whose honest opinions you can ask for onmatters so personal that your vision is likely to bedistorted by your own self-love.

Referring to the judgment of friends is one wayof avoiding the perils of having your own judgmentstuck in the rut of your personality, with all its inher-ent prejudices. In fact, contrasting personality typescan form creative and productive relationships bytrading their peculiar insights -- the believer and thesceptic, the optimist and the pessimist, the individu-alist and the participator.

In de Rochefoucauld’s opinion, "it takes nearly asmuch ability to know how to profit from good adviceas to know how to act oneself." Can that ability becultivated? Is there an art or science to the taking andassimilation of advice?

Though there are no real rules, a few logical guide-lines might help us get the best out of advisors. Suchas:¯ Never ask only one person for an opinion on a sit-

uation. Ask several. In this way you can cover arange of considerations, some of which mightotherwise have been overlooked, when you makeup your mind.

¯ Be critical. Don’t accept advice holus-bolus. Thereis a story in management consulting circles abouta chief executive officer who implemented a con-sultant’s report down to the last detail. Far frombeing pleased with this, the consultants werestunned; they had expected him to make changes

to their plan to fit the detailed circumstances. Theresult of his uncritical acceptance of their recom-mendations was a mess.

¯ Literally listen to advice to make sure you haveunderstood precisely what was said. Hear youradvisor out without interruption. When he or sheis finished, ask questions to bring out points thatmay have been passed by. At the end of the dis-cussion, restate the conclusion in your own wordsto make sure that the meaning you gathered wasactually what was meant.

¯ Try not to be defensive if the advice contains criti-cism of you or the way you do things. Don’t seekto find personal fault with the advisor to disqualifyhim or her as a judge. Don’t be flippant, don’targue, and don’t try to change the subject to avoida disagreeable message. Don’t be paranoid in theface of criticism, looking for a hidden agenda onyour critic’s part.Since advice usually concentrates how things might

be changed, an element of criticism of the way thingsstand at present is almost inevitable. Advice that isdevoid of criticism of any kind is often not reallyadvice at all. It is merely what comes of people ask-ing for advice when all they actually want is approval.Their minds are made up as to their course of action,but if there are negative repercussions, they can alwayspoint to the fact that they consulted with someonebefore they went ahead.

It takes real character not to be satisfied with thecharitable opinion that nothing much needs to bechanged and to insist on a more rigorous assessmentof a question. Even more character is required toreject the easy way out when you are in the positionof having to give advice.

In cases where painful adjustments of behaviourare called for, it is tempting to obviate unpleasant-ness by recommending that little or nothing bechanged, even though you know in your heart thatchanges would be in the subject’s best interests in thelong run.

The manner of giving advice is almost as impor-tant to its effectiveness as the advice given. Beforeyou even start to dispense it, you should examine yourown attitude, to wit:¯ How do feel about the problem? Do you have any

fixed prejudice regarding the general subject thatmight colour your judgment on the specific casebefore you?

¯ How do you feel, period? What sort of mood areyou in: Depressed or happy? Is life going swim-mingly for you, or are you in the grip of an emo-tional crisis? Try to compensate for these factorswhen you form your advice.

¯ What is your personal feeling towards the personyou are about to advise? Do you especially like himor her, or the opposite? If you like certain people,you may be inclined to be too easy on them, shield-ing them from disagreeable realities they shouldrightly be made aware of. If you do not like them,you may be overly hard on them, coming downwith a sledge hammer on minor faults that reallydon’t need to be changed.All this, of course, refers to what might be called

general advice of the kind that is passed around infor-mally among friends, acquaintances, and family mem-bers. There is a categorical difference between it andexpert advice by people who are in the position ofgiving it because they know things most people donot know.

We often solicit the advice of such experts on ourown account -- lawyers, accountants, decorators,and, if we are unfortunate enough to need them, mar-riage or other types of personal counsellors. Businessesand governments employ a variety of expert consul-tants all the time.

Apart from ascertaining that they really do knowwhat they are talking about, the prime requirementfor dealing with consultants is to be sure that youunderstand what they are saying. If there is a misun-derstanding as to what they are recommending, largesums in fees could go down the drain. Consukantsare notorious for using jargon, euphemisms, evasionsand other gobbledegook, so it is especially importantto pin them down as to their meaning. In dealingswith them, the rules of good listening must be assid-uously applied: hear them out carefully, question anystatement that may be unclear, and confirm the mean-ing of everything that is said by restating it in yourown words.

Capital cities seem to contain more and more advi-sors with every passing month. Not only are theylegion in the bureaucracy, but they form phalanxesaround the politicians. When you match the numberof "spin doctors" and "mavens" on the political scenewith the number of political and policy blundersmade, you can see that not all counsel is wise coun-sel by any means.

It may be, however, that where politicians andpolicy-makers go wrong is by listening to too muchadvice, especially of the cautious kind, so that what

began as clear-cut policies are compromised into astate of confusion or uselessness. With power hang-ing in the balance, politicai advisors are prone to bemore concerned with what is expedient than with whatis right.

"In a multitude of counsellors there is safety," theBook of Proverbs says, and in a way this applies topolitics. When politicians are unwilfing to tackle a sen-sitive issue, they send for someone to study it in thehope that, by the time the task force or commissionis ready to make its recommendations, the problemwill have faded away. By continually calling for adviceas to whether to act on prior advice, action can bepostponed indefinitely. Like some individuals, govern-ments will also try out one advisor after another untilthey finally find someone willing to say what theywant to hear.

The same tactics are also employed by managersin business who are afraid of making substantivechanges. An ideal way to keep an issue from pop-ping up to spoil a comfortable way of life is tosmother it with studies; with any luck, you can studyit to death.

But the fact that recourse to advice is sometimesabused should take nothing away from the value ofthe advisory process. Advice is a great generator ofsynergism, the interaction of efforts in such a waythat the total effect is much greater than the sum ofthe efforts had they been made independently. Thegreat political philosopher Edmund Burke wasimpressed by the "multiplier effect" of advice: "Hewho calls in the aid of an equal understanding dou-bles his own; and he who profits by superior under-standing raises his powers to a level with the heightsof the superior understanding he unites with."

It would therefore seem self-defeating not to searchout good advice wherever possible. Why would any-body not want to? Burke’s contemporary, the dis-tinguished English preacher John Balguy, found theanswer to that in the sin of vanity: "Whoever is wiseis apt to suspect and be diffident of himself, and uponthat account is willing to hearken unto counsel;whereas the foolish man, being, in proportion to hisfolly, full of himself, and swallowed up in conceit,will seldom take any counsel but his own, and forthe very reason that it is his own."