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THE UNIVERSITY OF QUEENSLAND CRICKET CLUB

UQCC OLD BOYS CRICKET NEWS Cnr Upland Rd & Sir William Macgregor Dr, St Lucia, Qld

Tel. 07 3346 9530 Edition 21 – April 2019

IMPORTANT DATES 2018–19

10 August 2019 – Antiquarians 7 a side – 10/8/19

Welcome

Welcome to the 21st edition of the UQCC Old Boys newsletter. In this edition we:

1. get an update on another great season for the club 2. learn what a few old boys do in their spare time 3. enjoy the latest Uni Bookworm 20 questions 4. provide comments and feedback from the Old Boys network 5. provide the 2019 Hong Kong Tour diary and match reports on our recent Old Boy games.

Stop press

It was with great sadness that we learned of the passing of club legend Lew Cooper on 11 April. Lewis Dale COOPER was a right-hand batsman and wicket keeper, born on 14 May 1937. He played grade cricket for University, appearing in the A Grade team from 1955–56 to 1976–77. He also appeared in intervarsity matches, and represented Australian Universities in the match against West Indies played at Canberra in 1960–61. He represented Queensland Colts in the Sydney Gregory Cup match in 1958–59. He represented Queensland from 1958–59 to 1967–68, playing 34 games and making 102 dismissals (84 caught and 18 stumped). For University A Grade, he made 488 dismissals (390 catches and 98 stumpings). He was

awarded Life Membership of University Cricket Club in 2008. He was educated at Finch Hatton State School; Marian State School; The Southport School; and The University of Queensland. He commenced his working life as a school teacher, but later moved to the club and hotel industry. Lew’s dedication and passion for cricket extended far beyond his playing days. He held several administration roles and was instrumental in the development and growth of cricket in Queensland. It is through his roles with Wanderers Queensland and Lord's Taverners Queensland that his impact on cricket will perhaps be best remembered, ensuring cricket could be played and enjoyed by people all across the state.

UQ SPORT

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His roles and achievements included:

• 34 first-class matches for Queensland • Queensland Cricket Association Secretary 1969–1972 • President of Queensland Primary Schools Cricket • President of Wanderers Queensland Club • Queensland Cricketers' Club Manager–Secretary • Chairman of Lord’s Taverners Queensland • Presented with a Service to Sport Award at the 2009 Queensland Sport Awards • Awarded a Medal of the Order of Australia in 2011 for Services to Cricket • Awarded Queensland Cricket Life Membership in 2014 • Recognised as Queensland Veterans Cricket's first Life Member in 2019.

Queensland Cricket Chief Executive Officer Max Walters paid tribute to Lew's contribution to cricket in Queensland. ‘There are few people that could say they have had as much of an impact on cricket in Queensland as Lew. He enjoyed great success as a wicket-keeper for Queensland, and if it had not been for a fellow Queenslander in Wally Grout, would have undoubtedly played for Australia. ‘While he was a great Queensland player on the field, it was his tireless work off it that made him a truly great person. It is because of his passion and dedication for cricket that many others have been able to play and enjoy our game across all levels. It is fitting that this season the Lew Cooper Cup was awarded to the winners of the Lord's Taverners competition.’ Most University members will remember Lew’s great talent for storytelling. He regaled us at Test breakfasts, AGMs, and memorably at the UQCC Centenary Dinner in 2012. Lew’s funeral will be held at 11 am on Tuesday 23 April at Sacred Heart Catholic Church (Marist Brothers Rosalie), 369 Given Terrace, Paddington. (Portions of this story adapted from https://www.qldcricket.com.au/news/vale-lew-cooper/2019-04-12)

Club update Another successful season has come and gone at St Lucia, now it's time to reflect on the season that was. The 2018–19 season saw premierships in the following grades:

• 1st Grade — two-day day competition • 1st Grade — T20 competition • 2nd Grade — one-day competition • 2nd Grade — T20 competition • 4th Grade — two-day competition.

A notable mention must also go to our 1st Grade side, which narrowly missed out on claiming the inaugural National Premier T20 Championship in Adelaide, falling just one run short to eventual winners Carlton CC (Melbourne). This season also saw the club claim another Club Championship by a mere two points over arch rivals Valley CC (see below). This is the club’s eighth Club Championship out of the past nine seasons, a remarkable achievement.

Lew completing a stumping off the bowling of another club legend, Rob Crane

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The club also introduced our very first junior girls side, which competed in the Metropolitan South West Competition. The implementation of a junior girls club will help establish a strong pathway for our local girls, and we will continue to offer more opportunities in the coming seasons.

Redevelopment work has been undertaken on the pavilion and change rooms at St Lucia No 2. Over the next two-three years, UQCC will be working on the redevelopment of the WEP Harris Pavilion, upgrading facilities including sightscreens, providing more student–athlete scholarships, as well as implementing a new strategic plan. The club will also be re-establishing the Foundation Trust along with other giving options. Jarrod Turner (recent life member) will be sending out more information in the coming weeks, but if you would like more information visit our website .

I don't ask my wife to face Michael Holding, so there's no reason why I should be

changing nappies. – Ian Botham

What Old Boys do in their spare time Most Old Boys I know are either running around after kids, playing golf or tennis, fishing, or barbecuing with the neighbours on the weekend. A close inspection of an autosignature of one recently retired Old Boy revealed an alternative pursuit. James Hansen is a rock doctor by profession, which places him in a different league from the get go. But being the President of the Queensland Curling Association trumps that nicely. I had to ask him a few further questions:

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How did you get into it? I got involved in curling through a ‘come and try’ night. A workmate has an older brother who has lived in Canada for 30 odd years, and has been curling for about the same time. The older brother talked my mate into giving curling a go one time, and he needed some moral support on the night. So a few of us went along to give it a go. Of the eight of us who went, I’m the only one who has been more than once.

How did you became President? After a number of years of being a ‘turn up and play’ member due to work commitments, I was able to step up and joined the Queensland Curling executive committee back in 2016. I nominated for, and was voted in for, the role of Queensland Representative of the Australia Curling Federation. As a bonus, the executive voted me in as Vice President. The following year, in 2017, the former President, who had more or less been in that role for the last seven years, and I agreed to swap roles. How big is it in Australia? There are about 250 active curling members in Australia, with curling taking place regularly in Brisbane, Victoria and Perth. There is also curling in NSW, but it is on an informal, ‘when they can’ basis. There is a large non-active curling community in Australia made of ex-pats, mainly from Canada and Europe. An interesting fact from the last Winter Olympics held in PyeongChang is that curling was the most watched winter sport in Australia. Where is it most popular in the world? Curling was invented in Scotland, and is big pretty much across the whole northern hemisphere. The major powerhouse countries in the world in terms of recent championship success are Canada, USA, Sweden and Norway, although Scotland–Great Britain, Russia, Switzerland, Japan, China and South Korea can give these guys a run for their money on their day. Have you represented Australia? Unfortunately no. While that is still a dream of mine, the reality is that I probably started curling about 10 years too late. It probably took me about five years before I became a more than half decent club curler. While I might not be an Australian representative, Queensland Curling can lay claim to the current Australian Women’s, Junior Men’s and Junior Women’s Teams, and one member each in both the Australian Men’s and Mixed Doubles Teams. Is it purely amateur? Curling in Australia is an amateur sport. There are a few individuals in the national teams who could possibly be regarded as semi-professional. Currently all curling in Australia is played at ice-skating rinks on ice that is good enough to play a club game, but not good enough to develop professional curlers. The reality is that this will not change until a purpose-built, dedicated curling facility is built in Australia.

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Is it mixed play? It is played by both males and females. The various world and Olympic disciplines are Men’s, Women’s, Mixed 4’s and Mixed Doubles. There is also wheelchair curling in all of these disciplines as well. I am only aware of one active wheelchair curler in Australia. There you have it. If your budget prevents you from visiting Whistler each year, the cold weather alternative may well be curling. I’m sure Jim will be happy to take you out for a ‘curly’ one at any time.

Jim Hansen

President Queensland Representative

QUEENSLAND CURLING ASSOCIATION AUSTRALIAN CURLING FEDERATION

James William Leslie HANSEN was a right-hand batsman and right arm medium fast bowler. He was

born on 31 May 1970 at Mater Mothers Hospital, South Brisbane (son of Ruth Lorna BUDICH and

Murray Leslie ‘Mo’ HANSEN). Much of his cricket for University was in the lower grades, although he

did make First Grade appearances in 1995–96. He was educated at Coorparoo State School; Church of

England Grammar School; and The University of Queensland. He graduated B App Sc (Geology) 1990;

and later Master App Sc (Geology) 1997.

Pick the current Old Boy cricketer who, in a previous

life, was a handy rugby league player, and who won a

scholarship as a schoolboy footballer. (Hint — he has

broken more bones playing cricket than footy.)

Turn to page 10 for the answer.

I love Arlott’s ‘he played that cut so late it’s positively posthumous’. (from Great

Australian Test Cricket Stories by Ashley Mallett)

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Uni Bookworms 20 Questions

Brad ‘Spud’ Murphy

Brad ‘Spud’ Murphy would have the record for playing and coaching at the most QCA cricket clubs. After playing at Souths, Sandgate and Qld Country, he coached Uni in 94–95, then was player–coach at Wests for the next two years, before becoming captain–coach of Redlands for nine seasons. He then coached Souths for three, Sunny Coast for six, until now Valleys, where he is in his third season. This would make it his 24th grade coaching season!! I first met Spud at around the age of 11 when we

substituted as fielders in a men’s Country Week team captained by his uncle Mal Murphy in the early 70s. He was as keen on his cricket then as he is now. He has always been a fantastic competitor who played the game in the correct spirit. Given his experience across the grade scene, I thought it would be great to get his answers to the Uni Bookworm 20 questions. Thanks Spud!

1. Your first memory of UQCC? Probably my very first memory of Uni was way back as a young bloke playing 2nd grade for Souths against them, when Uni had guys like John Loxton and Charlie Mengel playing in that grade after their long top grade careers ended. Would love to see more of those types still playing the game. So important to have older guys mixed with up-and-comers. Then later, an early memory was my First Grade debut for Sandgate against Uni at St Lucia, as my first two scoring shots were 6s (over wide long on of course).

2. Your best Uni cricket memory? Undoubtedly winning the 1993–94 Club Championship in my first season as a club coach in grade cricket. The spirit throughout the club was fantastic. Was great to be a part of it, and it culminated in witnessing Cameron Coles’ masterful running of the Birthday Suit 400 metres race at the Gabba at the club presentation dinner. Superb display of athleticism.

3. Your best memory of WEP? Prior to only knowing WEP from an opposition club perspective before I joined Uni, I was unsure of his actual role. But then when I took on the coaching role, I was blown away by the amount of work he did on behalf of, not only the club, but every player in the club. He was a great person and helped me hugely as a young and inexperienced coach. He was very good to me. The only reason I left the following season was that the next year, my knee had got sufficiently better allowing me to play again, and I really wanted to do that. Wests were able to give me a playing–coaching role so I went across, otherwise I might still be at Uni 25 years later! Great club to be with and WEP was a legend.

4. Who was the best net bowler or batsman you ever saw?

The Duke brothers in the dark, or looking into the western sun on green, weed-ridden Sandgate practice wickets at Deagon through the 80s.

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5. What was the strangest dismissal you ever saw?

Most bizarre dismissal witnessed was one day at Deagon against Colts, who were than captained by the late Peter ‘Sting’ Charles. I took a delivery that passed close to the outside edge and the cordon went up without me. As to me it was clearly not an edge, I just tossed it across to our gully fielder. The batsman trudged off cursing. At the break, we noticed that it was down in the book as caught in the gully (cannot remember who that was), so I decided to ask umpire Payne what the story was. He advised that as the ball had clearly carried to gully that is was definitely off the bat! Needless to say that Sting, who was within earshot, was unimpressed.

6. Which Old Boy had the best success with the opposite sex?

Not being privy to the nocturnal habits or social prowess of Uni cricketers, given I was only there for a short time, I must give this award to longtime Uni ground staff member Matthew Williamson. I understand he is world-class in this field.

7. Best away trip – IV/country/tour? Personally, my Qld Country trips and Wanderers tours were/are always tremendous, as are my many travels around the world for coaching work. I love the different atmospheres, and the opportunity to see different places and meet other cricketers, and the fact that my wife and kids have also had opportunities to travel has been so good. From a Uni point of view, way back in the 90s when I was playing at a club in Wales called Abergavenny, Uni, while on their UK tour, played a game against us, and needless to say we had a big night at the club after the day's play. It was pretty massive. I also remember the old Nambour Double Wicket competition, which used to be held each Australia Day back in the 70s when I was at Souths as a young teenager. Souths, Easts, Wests and Uni used to send stacks of their club players up for the weekend. Uni players like Lou Mierzwa and Rhett Kennedy are a few names I recall from those old days.

8. Funniest team mate? Paul Hutchison, the late Redlands (and South Australian & Tassie) fast bowler was a very funny team-mate. He would just say ridiculous things to batsmen that I would have to translate. He was a superb competitor, probably the last of that great era when we were not ruled by political correctness and the greenies. The Toombul/Norths leggy Daniel Kempnich was pretty funny as an opponent too, and Malcolm Francke always made me laugh. 9. Best bowler faced? I wasn't a great batsman, but thinking back I reckon the best bowler faced would have been Harry Frei, the quickest Phil Bawden (who they called ‘Sir’), and by far the best spinner was Malcolm, who was simply a fantastically skilled spinner (just ask him). I mainly loved trying to smash bowlers — possibly why I was a bit inconsistent? Another couple who were bloody good quicks, but who I did love the challenge of facing, were big Joey Dawes and Uni's Brett Boardman, who I thought could have played Shield cricket.

10. Best batsman bowled to? Obviously I did not bowl, but from behind the stumps for Sandgate in the 80s, I spent plenty of time watching some bloody good bats score bucketloads of runs. Ritchie, Border, Wessels, Cantrell, Henschell – shit we did some fielding! Sam Scuderi from Ingham & Qld Country was a phenomenal player, and over the last 15 years, I haven't seen too many better bats than Brian May (also Qld Country), who played at Souths when I was coaching them a while back.

11. Biggest hit seen? Simon Beattie slogged Ian Hansen from Colts almost to the clubhouse at Deagon one day. Massive hit that bounced into us waiting to bat. Obviously the old wicket block was a little closer than it is nowadays, but still a huge strike. Valley's Brendan Shinnick slogged Paul Hutchison at Ashgrove one day onto the far greenspace up the street. Huge again. Dean Tuckwell (Norths, Sunny Coast & Wests) was a big hitter also. I recall a story of Greg ‘Sko’ Eliis from Easts hitting a spinner onto Union College long ago.

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12. Best catch seen? My wedding video. 13. Easiest catch you ever saw dropped? I imagine it would be on a Matthew Wade highlight reel. 14. Toughest opponent on cricket field? Kepler Wessels. 15. Best cricket commentator? I am a bit biased as he is a mate of mine — Danny Morrison. He is different, that's for sure. 16. Who is your hero? Not into heroes, but when I was a kid, I loved Rod Marsh — he was a keeper, was rough and ready, and slogged. Good package for a Woodridge High boy to emulate! 17. Which six people would you want to

have to dinner? Very simple answer, just my wife and family. I have never had a desire to have a feed with six people I don't know! Totally pointless exercise I reckon! 18. First car? Green XW Falcon.

19. First job? I was a schools coach for Mt Gravatt Australian Rules Football Club, as well as being on their ground staff before moving onto the ground staff at the old Milton Tennis Courts, while doing my tennis coaching traineeship. My parents ran a tennis centre at Slacks Creek, so from my teenage years, all I have ever done has been in sport. I have loved every bit of it. 20. What is your all time Test Match

World XI? My World XI from the time I was old enough to watch:

1. Matt Hayden 2. Graeme Smith 3. Jacques Kallis 4. Viv Richards 5. Sachin Tendulkar 6. Allan Border (c) 7. Alan Knott (wk) 8. Shane Warne 9. Wasim Akram 10. Richard Hadlee 11. Malcolm Marshall 12. Jeff Thomson 13. Brian Lara Coach — John Buchanan

Bradley John MURPHY was a right-hand batsman and wicket keeper. He was born on 26 April 1962 at Women’s Intermediate Hospital, Herston. His club cricket was in Beenleigh-Logan, firstly with Windaroo and then with Woodridge. He played QCA grade for South Brisbane from 1973–74 to 1983–84; Sandgate-Redcliffe from 1984–85 to 1987–88. He was University Ccub coach in 1993–94 when he appeared in the First Grade team, University going on to win the Club Championship. In 1995–96 he played matches in the First Grade team for Western Suburbs. He has more recently played for, and coached, Easts-Redlands, and coached Souths, Sunshine Coast and Valley. He represented South Queensland in 1989–90, and Queensland in the National Country Championships from 1989–90 to 1992–93.

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At Crown Street Superior School, Sydney, in the 1890s Victor Trumper became champion of the schoolyard. There was an unwritten law at Crown Street. If you dismissed someone, you could bat until someone got you out. Trumper was aged 10 when he clean-bowled the school captain with a change-up off-break. Then he batted in the before-school period, during play-time, lunch breaks and after school every day for a monumental and school-record six weeks. His father, Charles, decided to give him more training. So, every morning for four years — daily from 6 am to 8 am — Charles Trumper bowled to young Vic at Moore Park, a Trumper drive from the famous Sydney Cricket Ground.

Old Boys news

From: Marcus Stoodley To: Ian Elks Date: 09/01/2019 Subject: RE: UQCC Old Boys Newsletter - Edition 20 - December 2018 Hi Ian, Congratulations on the Life Membership and thank you for sending me the news. It has been many years since I played at Uni, but I am amazed at how many names I recognise. The stories still resonate and I laugh out loud a lot. I was especially interested in the story in the latest news on ‘Run chases and big scores’. Is it really true that there have been so few high run chases? My memory may be filtered through maroon/blue/gold coloured glasses, but one of my favourite memories of playing at Uni was a successful run chase of over 300 in Second Grade in the early 1980s. Bomber was the captain, and what made it really memorable was the total team effort. I think the top score in the chase was about 60, but we never gave up, everyone contributed, and we won with 1 or 2 wickets left. I vividly remember big Lou Mierzwa hitting the winning runs with a 6 (or was it a 4?) over long on. The tension had been as intense as any Test match, and Bomber went berserk when we won. One of the most enjoyable games of cricket I’ve played. I’m now living in Sydney and sadly not playing any cricket. After leaving Brisbane, I played grade cricket in Adelaide, and then club games in California on matting laid down on normal grass. I was the token Aussie in a team full of Silicon Valley Indian IT gurus and had a blast. Keep the news coming! Best wishes, Marcus Stoodley From: Ian Elks To: Marcus Stoodley Sent: Thursday, January 10 2019 Subject: UQCC Old Boys Newsletter - Edition 20 - December 2018 Great to hear from you Marcus. Yes you probably recognise a lot of the names because the editor’s age/bias corresponds with your career ... Bomber does have the ability to go berserk! I'm glad you get a laugh out of the newsletter — that's the objective, and to keep the old boys in touch with the club and their fellow ex-players.

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Are you practising medicine in Sydney? Ian Elks From: Marcus Stoodley To: Ian Elks Date: 10/01/2019 Subject: RE: UQCC Old Boys Newsletter - Edition 20 - December 2018 Yes, I specialised in neurosurgery. Now based at Macquarie University, which is great for an academic–clinical balance. Marcus

Did you guess who our league player was? Brad ‘Chalky’ Peters has broken four wrist bones and three ribs in Old Boys cricket (see match report for 24 February) — didn’t break a bone in his footy career! You might have a better chance of recognising him below — he’s taking a well-earned at each of the last three Fraser Island fishing trips — it’s hard work!

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UQCC vs East Redlands, Fred Kratzmann Oval, 8 December 2018

UQCC 3/219 (Hall 50*, Elks 43, Watter 36, Carty 33, Gray 28*, R. Herring 19*) def Easts Redlands 3/218 (Rosbrook 3/15, Hall 1/31) Sunday 8 December loomed large in the Over 40s calendar, with the Uni Old Boys taking the field at Redlands #2 in the annual Baz Mullins Cup match against Ray ‘Raz’ Bubke’s Redlands Tigers. Fine conditions, a stiff easterly and an iridescent green wicket block sent an early shudder through the UQ batting ranks, with a centre strip virtually indistinguishable from the outfield. However, some early nerves and trepidations around the state of the deck were eased by a losing toss, with Raz having no hesitation in having a bat. Enter Geoff ‘Dirty’ Rosbrook with his trademark hooping inswingers, picking up an early scalp, nicking off the hapless Easts opener to keeper Elks with the second delivery of the innings. Redlands 1 for none … you bloody bewdy. This brought ex-Saracens/Ulster/Western Force/Wallaby (for 2 mins and 33 seconds!) utility back, Mark Bartholomeusz, to the crease, who piled on 50-odd in a display of power hitting that had to be seen to be believed. A Dorothy off Red Herring (who up until that point had bowled a pretty miserly spell) was still screaming upwards like a howitzer shell over the mid-wicket fence before exploding into a nesting bat colony 80 feet off the ground. A quick adjournment and score check while Pink retrieved the ball from the next suburb — 1 for 140. Pink’s fielding apparatus on the mid-wicket fence

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Unhappy Redlands spectators on the western mid-wicket boundary (careful Pink …) It was one of the most powerfully hit shots in recent Over 40’s history — or at least since Eddie Gaskell utilised his Indian-sourced cannon to despatch similarly at the identical ground three years before. Post that day, Leigh ‘Pup’ Clarke approached Billy Bowden to see if there were any vacancies in the umpiring ranks ....

Pup Clark's finger With Bartholomeusz’ Darryl Strawberry-like performance mercifully brought to an end upon his retirement, old Easts hands Schmidt, Bubke and Cassells kept the runs ticking over to bring the Redlands innings to a close at a respectable 4 for 218. Dirt once again the pick of the bowlers with an excellent 3 for 15, Chris Hall on debut also chipping in with a single pole. 218 looked like a pretty decent total given what appeared to be a nasty little green-top. Cricket pitches are funny things however and, despite the Congo-like appearance of the block, the newly installed opening

combination of Hustler Carty (feigning a shoulder injury to avoid the bowling crease) and Mick Watter were soon revelling in surprisingly good batting conditions with nary a hint of sideways movements — conditions which have not been since Harlaxton State School played Toowoomba Prep on a concrete deck with a cork ball in a 1981 Grade 5 local derby. After a solid opening stand of 61, highlighted by a brisk run rate approaching 5 an over (and some even more surprisingly brisk running between the wickets), Watter was the first to fall, holing out in the deep after a fine 36. This brought Over 40s debutant Chris Hall to the middle, where he put on a bit of a display with some dashing strokeplay before losing his opening partner, Hustler also holing out to the ‘other’ Bubke for a well-made 33 in even time. Redlands No. 2 strip – how it looked How it played

With Hall retiring after a scintillating 50, the old firm of ‘Birdman’ Elks and ‘Shades of’ Gray were once again reunited in the middle, putting on yet another neat partnership of 60-odd before Chicken was uprooted for 43 (still some conjecture over the dismissal … bowled or stumped?). With Pink Herring stirring things along in his inimitably languid style, things were progressing nicely for the Uni XI; however, with 30-odd still needed off the last four overs and Doug Rae next batsman in, some earnest discussion was being held in the sheds. Do we go with Boycott or Botham? A quick reshuffling of the order on the pretext that ‘a left-hand/right-hand combo was what was needed’ (OK, I can take a

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hint Chicken …), Red Herring was elevated up the order in the name of quick runs. Fortunately, Pink and Shades safely saw the Uni Old Boys home with a ball to spare in the final over, Shades finishing unbeaten on 28 and Pink with a quick-fire 19. A tense finish and a great win to the Uni Old Boys after what is always an excellent and highly competitive day’s cricket.

Match report – University v Valley at Norm McMahon Oval – Sunday 3 February

Sunday morning dawned clear and sunny for the first OB fixture of 2019. The students anticipating a stern test against the traditional rivals from Valley Cricket Club. However, after Brisbane enduring the driest January ever, it was only fair that, once a cricket match was scheduled, the heavens would open. The early morning shower abated and a few fresh faces joined the tried, tested and grisly veterans at Ashgrove to take on our spirited opposition. Or so we thought ...

With the covers off the deck, a green top was revealed. The sweat on the players’ brows was matched only by the dampness trapped under the covers and about the outfield. With the Mt Coot-tha forest surrounding the low level ‘cricket bowl’ that is the Valley home ground, player comfort level was moist. Our fearless leader Chicken promptly won the toss and batted. Some eyebrows were raised as to whether bowling may have been an option — ‘Sorry guys, but I bat nine times out of 10, and the 10th time too.’ Fair enough. Pink and Clayto were the opening combination on the Irish green-tinged wicket. Given the

conditions, there was some potential for sweat to form around the jockstrap should the opposition have anyone above medium. Would a lid be required? Alas no — a mixed bag of wides and other deliveries were thrown the openers’ way. Unusual to see Pink playing the sheet anchor role to the more aggressive Clayton, but the runs began to flow off the Uni blades. Fitness was tested with several 2s and 3s. Sadly, Pink’s innings was cut short by a regulation slips catch (is there such a thing in Old Boys cricket?) off the bowling of Wilson. 1 for 39. Promising start. Next in, our fearless leader, who joined Clayton as he was beginning to open his shoulders and find the gaps. He is fast becoming known for his signature shot, a flat straight bat back past the ear of his batting partner. Don't bowl there to me ... Unfortunately, one snuck past Clayto’s outside edge to disrupt the castle. ‘I wouldn’t have laid a bat on that jaffa … ever!!’ 2 for 52 in the 10th over. Next in Richard McInnes, or ‘Big Dick’ to his friends from Kingaroy. After a comprehensive play and miss first pill, it was plain thereafter that Big Dicky meant business, and the field was penetrated regularly. With Chicken finding gaps with ease and Dicky going through or over, the scoring rate increased. After putting on 94 for the 3rd wicket with some glorious stroke play, Chicken was out for 45 — running down the wicket, attempting to run one down past first slip — odd combination resulting in a stumping/run out? Hard to believe. Sadly the next Uni batsmen was yours truly. I should have known the cricketing gods weren’t on my side when Pink failed to bring the standard offering of his mother’s savoury muffins. A bad omen if ever there was one. That, and not having swung an MSF in anger for 18 months, proved to be too much for General Clusterfarkus (refer Red’s report v Antiquarians), who played all around a very straight delivery from the Valley captain. LBW. Golden Gozza. Barely suppressed laughter could be

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heard from the spectators (note, not team-mates). No DRS referral from batting partner Big Dick. (‘No mate, that was definitely pad before bat … just a very ordinary shot and a small shuffle across your crease.’ Without sympathy!) 4 for 146 in the 22nd over. Greigy ambled to the crease to test the knees again and contributed 13. Barrow added the same with some hefty blows before departing to introduce the ‘identical twins’ to the crease. Is that Peters (A) or Rosbrook? ‘Jeez you can’t tell em apart under those helmets?’ Reddas replaced AP with some lusty flat-batted blows and scampering between the wickets, to test his meniscus and medial cruciate ligament. The students innings came to a close at a pretty fair 208 considering the conditions. It should be noted that wide deliveries from the opposition made up 28 of that total in a ‘BBL-like interpretation’ from the penguins! A quick break for lunch and back in to it. So keen was the varsity team that they took the field a full five minutes before the umpires, who were not going to be shifted from their chairs. They were tucking in to home made sangers, while taking an almost unhealthy observation of the women's second grade fixture on the adjoining oval. What then transpired on Norm McMahon Oval I can honestly say I have never, ever seen the likes of before in a cricket match! I’m still scratching my noggin, and I actually witnessed the event. To say that Valley folded like a pack of cards would be an understatement. Perhaps it would be easier to talk about the bowling figures first. Dirt rolling back the clock with 4 for 10 off five tidy overs — reminiscent of the form he displayed many years ago at the adjoining ground. On that fateful day, the then Aussie skipper AB walked off the ground shaking his head after being bowled through the gate by the good Dr (alas Messrs Wessells, Law, Foley, Henschell etc. ensured it wasn't all plain sailing). Reddacliff (self-described angry man) 3 for 12 off five overs. Irwin 2 for 2 off a solitary over of lively pace, and Ravenhill 1/0 off his only wily over. Valley a total of 24, with 9 wides in the extras column being their top scorer by a big margin. A paltry 15 off the willow. Every catch was snaffled (with the exception of the author, who is still moving in the opposite direction of the delivered nick to the cordon ...). The self-confessed and Dirt moved the ball with subtlety and guile, trapping batsmen LBW and finding edges galore. As they say, any catch in OB cricket is a good one. Anything grabbed in the slips develops a ‘watch and learn fellas’ status. ‘Steve’ Irwin snaffling a one-hander as if he was avoiding a ray, Clayton required a number of grasps before accepting, Rosbrook bucketing one on the second attempt at leg slip, and Reddacliff having the assistance of his bread basket were the catching highlights. Match done and dusted with the temperature peaking at a balmy 36 degrees — it was time to retire to the pavilion for reflection over a few cold ones (courtesy of yours truly, in a vain attempt to keep my name in front of the selectors after a golden, a dubious slip in slips, and the authorship of this report). Talks of the HK tour and next fixture vs Sandgate at Uni 2 on 24 Feb. May I request the selection of Red Herring so as to assure a pre-game supply of muffins, but more importantly to resume match report duties. Tales of Roman emperors, men in winged chariots and opposition fed to the Lions. Can’t wait!! Signing off Jonathan ‘Golden Duck’ Shirley

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Gators’ clash a numbers game – Sunday 24 February 2019

One player on match report, two brave partnerships, three broken ribs and four runs short of victory. The numbers say it all after Uni Old Boys fell short in the run chase against Gator Blues at Uni No 2, on Sunday 24 February. After a week where Cyclone Oma threatened to blow the freckles off a redhead, 24 Feb dawned a relatively humid but mild day. Sandgate won the toss and elected to bat. Doug Rae pouched an early slips chance off Rosbrook, but this was a rare highlight in the first 17 overs as the Gators’ top order batted strongly. Fair to say the fielding gods that had been so with Uni during the recent Valley clash were nowhere to be seen during this display. If short bowling and harbour bridge fielding were an Olympic sport, the Uni Old Boys were medal certainties — although Walker and Gray did manage a few notable saves. After drinks, some of the second spells by Herring, Gray and Watter were a bit tighter, but by that stage the Gator batsmen were set and able to keep the runs flowing. The most exciting thing that happened after drinks was that BP (your humble correspondent) finally managed to stop a boundary with a less-than-graceful dive. Was feeling a bit sore in the ribs and winded after this effort, but nevertheless, informed Elksy I was right-to-go for a bowl. And the on-field medical advice at the time was — ‘They (the ribs) can’t be broken BP — you’d know if they were broken!!’

So after five overs into what was left of the Oma breeze, took 3/27 and then wheezed my way (more than usual) to the place Chicken decided to hide me in the field for the rest of the game. It wasn’t until the next day that an x-ray confirmed three broken ribs!! In the wake of this and my recent broken wrist, my wife is currently muttering about retirement and bone density tests. Apparently my new nickname will be either Chalky or Quentin (RIP Mike Willesee). Anyway, among all this, the Gator Blue boys ended up all out for 179. Rosbrook 2-23; Gray 2-38; Herring 1-27; Watter 1-36.

After the now famous Uni Old Boy lunch catering, hopes were high as the new opening combo of Clayton and Walker strode to the wicket. But a pair of fours is usually not good at the card table, and definitely not when chasing 180. But enter Elks and Gray — and the clinic began. With boundaries hard to come by, these two showed great resolve and intelligent running to swing the match squarely back in Uni’s favour. It was a pleasure to watch. After Elks departed for a well crafted 43 and Gray retired at 50, Watter (35) and Rae (10) continued in fine style — to the stage where Uni needed less than 30 runs in five overs for a famous victory. Surely nothing could stop us from here!!!

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Wrong — think Melbourne Stars and the BBL final and you have it in one. From 4-156 to 8-174; with Rosbrook and BP unable to hit the winning runs — and the frustrated gun Gray waiting in the wings shouting ‘RETIRE HURT BP!!’ And as the Uni team licked its wounds over a couple of cold bevies (and my ribs really DID start to hurt), we became aware that one Uni Old Boy batsman had made a bit of a name for himself. This man (for argument’s sake, let’s call him ‘The General’) was being placed on report for dissent after discussing his LBW decision with one of the umpires. Not something for which Uni Old Boys want to become known (we’ll leave that to other clubs) — but I blame the tight game, climate change and the ill winds of cyclone Oma!!

UQCCOB Tour Diary Hong Kong – 12-17 March 2019 March 12-13: Arrival/Happy Valley The advance party of the Tour (Elks, Rae, Brown) landed on 12 March, marking this as the official commencement of proceedings. Tuesday night consisted of a reconnaissance of the rooftop hotel bar and a traditional Tuesday night dumpling dinner. Anticipation was building for a round at the very traditional Royal Hong Kong Golf Club on Wednesday. A great day was had at RHKGC concluding with Dougy Rae being added to an honour board which included Palmer, Player, Els and Norman.

Don’t hook it Doug ! On the golfing front, Tim Wriggles made the most of his reciprocity with the Clearwater Bay Golf and Country Club. From all reports he put a few good rounds together. Certainly, every time I asked him how he went his reply was, “hit them well Tom, good round”. It gave The Scribe a sense of inspiration, as his highly volatile game would have seen a considerable number of ball donations. Enough about the golf as we do not want to fuel any scurrilous rumours that this tour is really a golf tour disguised as a cricket tour… Other members of the touring party arrived on various Wednesday flights and quickly adjourned to the adopted bar on level 15 of the New Millennium Hotel. A couple of quiet bevvies and the tour commenced its first official engagement at the Happy Valley Race Track.

It didn’t take long for the tourists to establish themselves on a prime viewing platform at a public bar amongst a mid week crowd of circa 35,000. To my amazement they get 90,000 on weekends. It didn’t take long for Bill to get the camera out and this was the first of hundreds of photos, thankfully taken prior to midnight (both for tourists and Bill as his finger was a little wobbly post 12…) Bill did a great job, brought all the gear: tripods, long lenses, lenses cases, you name it.

The beer jugs flowed at Happy Valley and very quickly Pink and BP conducted an initial capital raising, which turned into multiple donations to the Hong Kong Jockey Club (not that they needed it). “Fat Turtle” came home in the lucky last to stop the bleeding and lift the spirits of the tourists. At this point the party split, some went back to the hotel, while others moved onto Wan Chai – the entrepreneurial district of Hong Kong. At Wan Chai the surviving tourists experienced possible the worst meal in tour history and it’s only down to sheer luck that numerous players didn’t go down for the count the next morning. Meanwhile others quickly blended into the colourful Wan Chai street traffic, whilst others felt the needed for a “remedial” massage to sooth various joint stiffness issues from the long haul flight. Some reports indicated that certain tourists were still operating on Australian time as stumps were drawn early hours. March 14: Recovery meets Buddha meets pissing rain The next morning various tourists looked a touch fragile and most experienced the N1 coffee shop on Shades recommendation. Shades and the photographer also convened a touring group for the Buddha statue that day. At this point Pink looked like a man searching for spiritual awakening, however that quickly changed as the day unfolded. Your scribe opted out, having attended before; however, post trip reports showed this was the first real fracture in the camp. Shades loves public transport and the group sucked it up on the way out. This quickly changed, as the serenity of Buddha just wasn’t landing on Pink’s shoulders as it started hosing down. The cancellation of the cable car was also a blow and it’s fair to say Pink was looking for the escape hatch. Shades version of a return home involved a multiplicity of moving parts, whilst Pink went straight to the cab option. This became a tour talking point between Pink and Shades with many future decisions going up against the Buddha benchmark.

Happy Days…

Not so happy days…. Whilst some were achieving enlightenment, others had adjourned to the adopted bar on level 15 to warm up for the night ahead. At this point Hanko (AKA Jason Bourne) appeared on the grid for the first time. Hanko had flown in during the day and as it turns out intelligently bunked down at a hotel on the Island side for the night. Stage 1 of the night was a bar in SOHO known as the Globe. A solid XPAT pub and a Bono haunt from his days on the Island. Things then progressed to the Peking Gardens restaurant in Central. A bit of a “Seinfeld 4” moment prior to sitting down, but eventually we all sat down to two Peking ducks and the trimmings. A very good meal and a yarn.

At this point, circa midnight, the touring party had choice to make: LKF and party central vs. heading back over to Kowloon and playing it sensible prior to the fixture. The later was selected, however, I’m sure many would like to turn back time– LKF (The Zoo) beckoned. Perhaps not for Shades as early reports had him driving the Porcelain bus – food poisoning, duck intolerance, who knows. All I knew is he would have needed to present a death certificate to the skipper to escape his destiny in the top 4 of “thinnish” batting line-up. Friday March 15 – Match vs. Kowloon Cricket Club and the colourful aftermath I interrupt the Tour Diary for the UQCCOB Match Report, provided to us by Sean ‘I am available for one game this year and that’s on tour’ Remedios.

Match Report Kowloon Cricket Club 15th March 2019 A Gentleman’s start of 1pm greeted the 12 traveling mercenaries on Friday 15th March. A polluted fog enveloped the World Millennium Hotel as the boys gathered in the foyer eagerly anticipating the game ahead. Resembling the scene from the Dirty Dozen the only one missing was the organising Major General who was still in the latrine. An over indulgence of Peking duck? Really??? His roommate lieutenant Ledger was blissfully unaware of the severity of the sickness as he slept through his leader’s sleepless night as every part of the pheasant was returned with interest from both ends.

As we alighted 3 taxis at the magnificent ground entrance of the Kowloon Cricket Club we were ushered through the beautiful dining room on the second floor and then through another dining facility adorned with crisp white linen and immaculately groomed waiters. Wow where are they taking us? 3 flights of stairs down and we were escorted to 2 marquees flimsily erected at the other side of the ground. Perhaps they had heard of the fake identifications used to get onto a couple of golf courses the day before and did not want to take any chances? Either that or were a bit taken aback with our kit consisting of 4 pads, 3 bats, 2 thigh pads and, alarmingly one box! The essential twin bottles of Dettol and Deep Heat was also available to be shared between the team.

None the less and not perturbed, as the Australian boys began stretching so they could do up their shoe laces without pulling a hammy, they anxiously observed opposition players turn up in their full whites going straight to the nets for a warm up. Hopefully looks will be deceiving?

As the covers were removed and the groundman gave the Ok to play on the turf wicket as opposed to the synthetic one adjacent, the skipper lost the toss and the Uni boys were - sent in? After a mad scramble for sparsely available gear, D Rae strode into bat on a picturesque, immaculately curated postage stamp of an oval surrounded by high rise office blocks. W Ledger his opening partner, was overheard saying “I was only joking” referring to his bravado e mail sent several months ago saying he would love to open the batting. Captain Elks hadn’t forgotten, and Ledger took guard in an unfamiliar role. After a first ball fullie that Rae skewed for a boundary alarmingly close to covers left hand, the innings was off to a flyer. Doug continued his golfing/punting/durrying form and dispatching anything pitched up with elegant ease. Ledger was more circumspect - his scorecard resembling that of Winxs’ last 10 outings. Rae retired for a well compiled 40 and all was going to plan before a Chinese sniper lurking somewhere in the aforementioned high-rise office building hit his mark. Ledger went down as quickly as the first Tsing Tao on tour attempting a “quick single”. Clutching at his hamstring, the first soft tissue injury on tour unfolded and he limped gingerly off the field to grab his camera, tripod, long lense, lense case, ice and a chair for the rest of the afternoon. Where the fark was Parto?

Charge! After Ledgers departure the batting clinic commenced and runs flowed freely. Aided by a number of fielding glitches and some below par bowling, Elks (31 retired), Gray (31 retired), Herring hitting the ball as if still angry from the Buddha expedition the previous day (33 off 15 balls retired) and the evergreen Hanko (aka Benjamin Button/Jason Bourne/Bono/the white Sourav Ganguly-who turned up a day late, stayed in another hotel and arrived at the ground late- 29 retired), the Uni boys were on fire. At 0 for 182, Remedial scoring on an I pad for the first time, had to seek assistance to enter the wicket column when it eventually came – Reddacliff was the first wicket falling in the 28th over. Just when the Kowloon boys thought they were into the tail out strode the burly frame of Tim Wrigley. We are not sure if he is testing or drinking the water from the Zambezi river, but it is working a treat. Right from ball one, the crisp sound of leather on the willow of his bat was a joy to behold. His disdainful hit over midwicket for a six was the shot of the day.

You’ll learn not to bowl there to me

The remainder of the tail all contributed Peters, first timer Farmer Brown and the closet curler Hansen. The Uni boys had amassed an imposing total of 3 for 252 from their allotted 35 overs. Perhaps unaccustomed to big hitting, Wrigley had sustained the second soft tissue injury on tour (strained calf). His afternoon now consisted of fighting Ledger for his ice and taking instruction on how to hold his tripod…

After a quick change of innings, the new opening bowling combination of Reddacliff and Hansen (the quiet achiever) who give aging broken down arthritis laden fast bowlers a bad name, went to work. With the bustling Reddacliff bowling late hooping left arm in swing and Hansen his customary right arm in dippers, the Kowloon boys had their work cut out.

The first ball from Hansen reared off a length and struck their opening batsman and wicketkeeper (who resembled Gilligan from the SS minnow in every aspect including mannerisms and the upturned white towelling hat), somewhere near the glove and was taken behind. This was followed by the first words heard on tour after 3 days from Hansen - “howzat?” Captain Elks politely asked the batsman if he had hit it and when the reply came “not sure” he was sent on his merry way.

Looks can be deceiving… A procession of wickets commenced and if not for their English import straight off the plane from Durham (60 off 42 balls) the first beers would have been downed a lot earlier. Man of the match Reddacliff (3-8 off 5) bowling accurately and with consistent swing. He was aided by Hansen (2-27), old boys debutant ‘Barry’ Brown (2-27) Hanko (1-17) and Peters, who was now tossing the ball even higher after his recent rib injury (1-32). Together they dismissed the Kowloon boys for a total of 132. A comprehensive bowling and fielding display by the Uni boys.

The after-game presentations took place soon after where the pizza, beers and chicken skewers went down a treat. Thanks again to Andrew “Shades” Gray for organising the game in such an iconic venue. If you haven’t been on a UQCCOB end of season tour you are missing one of life’s highlights. I urge you to build brownie points now and lock in with the Minister of War and Finance your trip as soon as dates come out.

(Tour Diary resumes) Following an inspired victory from the tourists, the camp moved into the locally recommended nightlife of Kowloon. After a few settlers at the aptly named “All Night Long” food was required. A Thai restaurant was selected for its proximity. On my count, it had around 95% women diners. Bizarre if nothing more for its resemblance of a poultry laying farm and its associated noise. Its location in a shopping centre led to an early departure. I recall walking along a laneway adjacent to many clubs, restaurants and bars and receiving the customary offers of their hospitality. The show moved on, less one tourist who was spotted in the back of a Kowloon red taxi. After an hour of aimless walking Farmer Brown had a minor dummy spit and charged away from the group back to what he thought was the centre of the action. A sixth sense must have kicked in because a splinter group (including The Scribe) found their way to a local bar near the hotel called Namo. Good find fellas - a mystery blue Vodka shot came out and suddenly Brownie appeared out of nowhere. More beverages and several shots later the majority of tourists called it a night at a respectable hour. Due to blurring of the mind, fatigue and age some of us were not aware the Skipper and Brownie stayed even longer and recorded live music videos with the locals – a sight to behold on the tour photo album provided. The manager appreciated the assistance with the close at around 3.30 (1.30 Brisbane time!)

Saturday March 16: Moving Day The words “dusty”, “Struggle Street”, “William Hurt” all come to mind when describing how The Scribe and others felt the next morning. Even a concoction of Hydrolyte and Nurofen Plus didn’t have the impact expected. The Scribe did feel a bit better when the skipper finally surfaced at about 12, and was struggling to get down a bowl of chicken wonton noodle soup. A few brave punters crossed the Island again to the White Stag, an XPAT pub in Wan Chai. It’s there we linked up with BP’s mates from the horse racing industry. It was a great little pub and a pretty lively street there in Wan Chai. It takes lot to surprise Remedial with a few local facts and figures, but BP’s mate Rick had intricate knowledge of the local surroundings - the Triads, game management and much more. This captivated Remedial and fair to say he wasn’t alone in dreading the long haul back over the harbour to the restaurant in Kowloon. All tourists arrived at The Michelin Star restaurant known as the Qi Dragons. Plenty of zip in the food, but I think the tourists were rolling the eyes on the Michelin factor. Queenslanders know their crabs and the benchmark was high. It was a fantastic view up on the roof and good night had by all. BP celebrated his birthday with a little bit of fizzle and a speech – outstanding.

The Scribe then offered to take anyone interested into LKF, a must see destination in Hong Kong. As Remedial later described it: this is like schoolies on steroids. The scribe, BP and Remedial made there way to LKF whilst others migrated back to the hotel. LKF (The Zoo) didn’t disappoint. BP and The Scribe sat there like Statler and Waldorf on the Muppets balcony, carefully observing all. Meanwhile Remedial worked the floor, a true sight to behold. At one point he asked The Scribe to do a

lap with him as a wingman, something The Scribe won’t forget easily. Ultimately a great night that did culminate in a “room mates tiff” between Remedial and Pink on some sort of bathroom hygiene matter – enough said there, the photo on WHATSAPP wasn’t what some of us needed to see the next morning in a fragile state. Sunday 17: The finale The last day on tour and the camp went in different directions. Some went for a punt at Derby Day, which seemed like a great day out. Some explored and some just pottered around. BP (the bastard) seemed to find his way into 1A on the flight back. Doug was sending photos of his own upgrade on Singapore Airlines, however, the Camp had a chuckle as he ran into customs problems trying to smuggle 10 packets of darts back – Karma’s a bitch Doug. Overall a great tour for all and it looks like Melbourne next year. If I had to point a highlight or two for each tourist, here goes: BP- made it to LKF, well done mate. Nice form at the Derby as well Brownie – a tour revelation. Very tidy little outswingers and a huge tank of petrol on the gas. Loved the 4.30 am ‘night moves’ dance routine on Friday night – Barry Gibb, eat your heart out. Pink – the dummy spit on Buddha was quite comical at times, a highly volatile rooming scenario with Remedial, usual sharp wit. Tim – played great golf and a nice little cameo in the match. Shame he twinged the hamstring. A true gentleman, something to savour in the touring group. Doug – went very hard on Wednesday night and looked dusty Thursday morning. Was a very consistent performer in all facets on tour. Bill – did an outstanding job on the camera. Those glasses were unique. Blew a calf in the match after a very “considered innings” at opener. Jim – the best room mate anyone could possible ask for, couldn’t here him breath let alone snore. Nailed down those 3 blue Vodka shots like Val Kilmer (Iceman). Pink really loved his brown vest and wants one for himself. Remedial – ah where do you start with a tourist of this quality. His rooming with Pink provided considerable WHATSAPP content. A tourist who experienced the zesty life of Hong Kong. It was a personal highlight watching the great man operate in LKF. Hanko – great to see Hanko on tour and he clearly knew his way around the traps. I’m waiting to see him in Bourne 5. Skipper – without a shadow of doubt the musical rendition with Brownie at circa 4.30 am at that bar in Kowloon was a tour treasure. And the next morning watching him struggle down the noodle soup was a bit of old school leadership needed these days. Shades – did all the hard yards organising the trip. On behalf of everyone a big thanks mate. It was great to see you work your way through a few Lucozade challenges Friday morning and the by play between you and Pink over Buddha added some niggle into the camp.

Lastly, Shirls you weren’t on the tour but your name came up in dispatches when we saw this crazy guy dressed up like a Monkey in Kowloon. It was noted you’re the only player to be sited before the judiciary. In saying that the tourists missed the colour you would have added to the festivities. Bomber, all the best mate, we raised a glass in your honour and we’re all keen to see you back on the park next time, and from what I could gather, resume your status as an A grade tourist. That’s a wrap from the Scribe guys, had a great time and slow recovery.

ENDS

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