The Ultimate B.J.

by B.J. Stankiewicz

The characters in this slide show have been given fake names to protect the privacy of the real people they represent.

Super Star

Name

Role in Slide Show

The Nuisance

Side Kick

The Mean Friend

Dread locks

Nuisance’s Roommate

Provider of Sandwich(only one)

Unknown

The Doctor

Oh man, I’m so bored. I should

go on an adventure!

F@#$%

Hey Brian J!

Self Esteem Level: 200%

My god your so poor.

My god your so poor.

My house is twice the size of yours.

My god your so poor.

My house is twice the size of yours.

Your half-house is also connected to

equally poorer half-houses that are all

smaller than mine as well.

Even though he was made fun of for living in a townhouse, Brian J

stayed strong.

You could not be any poorer. You could

try, but you would…

Lil’ Schweener, do you want to go on an adventure with me?

Lil’ Schweener, do you want to go on an adventure with me?

Ok! Let’s go to

McDonald’s.

Lil’ Schweener, do you want to go on an adventure with me?

Ok! Let’s go to

McDonald’s.

Schweener, God Damnit.

Brian J, knowing he could not hurt Lil’ Schweener verbally,

left for McDonald’s.

Good.

If only I wasn’t broke. Then maybe I could

buy some food.

If only I wasn’t broke. Then maybe I could

buy some food.

Ah well. Off to Dread’s house.

Come in.

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

Guess who’s here. Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

Guess who’s here.

Who?

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

Oh hey, Stephanie Copperman!

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

Have you guys seen Lil’ Schweener?

He was at McDonald’s the last time I saw

him.

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

Have you guys seen Lil’ Schweener?

He was at McDonald’s the last time I saw

him.

No, he’s in the back shaving

now.

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

Have you guys seen Lil’ Schweener?

What happened to

Witty?

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

What happened to

Witty?

Love has taken him away from

us.

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

I’m hungry.

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

I’m hungry.

Ok, let’s go to McDonald’s!

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent Mercedes

No, let’s go to Subway. I feel like a

sub.

Things to do:

Kill

Steal

Dent MercedesI thought you were broke.

No, let’s go to Subway. I feel like a

sub.

Just then…

Let’s go in.

POP

Hey guys!

Hey guys!

What’s up!?

Hey guys!

What’s up!?

We’re on an adventure but

there’s nothing for us to do in

Ashburn.

Well… we can all go to Warped Tour after I get off work! It’ll be

great! Brian J can drive Lil’ Schweener, Witty, and I, and we’ll

have a safe trip down without getting into a horrible car wreck!

It’ll be so much fun!

Happy Level: 200%

Nice. Why don’t we just go right now?

I can’t, I have to work at Subway for a little longer!

Happy Level: 80%

Happy Level: 30%Dangerously Low

And while working, I have to make these horrible

sandwiches that lack any meat and nobody likes!

Happy Level: 5%

Never breached before! And my boss… he’s a f@#$% s@#$% face!

Let’s all go to Ocean City!

Ok!

Happy Level: 200%

Ok! So good!

Ok! So good!So good!

Ok! So good!So good!So good!

They all go to Ocean City, but Brian J is still very hungry.

Self Esteem Level: 300% Dangerously High

F@#$%F@#$%F@#$%F@#$%

Hi guys. What’s going on?

Where did Miss B’Haven go?

Where did Miss B’Haven go?

COMING!

Hey Brian J! I brought you something!

SNATCH

What was that?

What was that?

Lil’ Schweener?

What was that?

Lil’ Schweener?

No, it was too fast to be Lil’ Schweener.

What was that?

Lil’ Schweener?

And too smart.

No, it was too fast to be Lil’ Schweener.

What was that?

Lil’ Schweener?

And too smart.

No, it was too fast to be Lil’ Schweener.

And too attractive!

But then who could it have

been!?

THE DOCTOR!!

What We Learned

• Brian J has friends with very different personalities.

• Brian J is always bored because he lives in Ashburn.

• Brian J lives in a half-house.

• Brian J is always broke.

• Brian J is always hungry.

• Nobody likes Matt Schwee.

Works Cited

• www.bergedorfer-buergerverein.de/ vorstand.htm

• http://www.facstaff.bucknell.edu/esantane/pictures/reflection.jpg

• www.bell.k12.ca.us/.../ 50s/1954/mcdonalds.jpg

• en.wikipedia.org/ upload/0/0a/Beach.jpg

THE END