The Strangest Kind of Romance

A Lyric Play in Four Scenes

Thc gcna cnforces tmirfu; bu, zoa hattc nantha tnoon in lonaly alleYt tnahe

a grail of laughter of an cmqty ash can,

and tbough dll rcund of gaiety amd gucst

han bcard a kitten in the zttildarnest,

Hrnr CneNr (CluPlincsgual

CHARACTERS

Tnr Lnrr.r Mars.Tnr Laworaoy.Tsr Or,o MlrN, her father-in_law.TsB Boxrn.Nrrcnrvo, t/ze cat.

The Strangest Kindof Romance

Scnwr: A fu.rnished room im a small industrial city of the nid-dle-atestern sttttes. It

.reserttbles any srch rootn etcce?t that the

walls are covered with imniptioi, tlze of fortncrocca?ants of it, men wlzo ha,ue steyed and. pissed along to othersuclt. places, tlte itinerant, ummanied *rk;*g*"* oio *"tion.Tltere are two windows. One shows the d,eicate branches ol atree ilzat is sunend'ering its reaves to rate euta,ftw. The otherwindow adrnits a view of the brktling stacks ol the great *oo*factaring plant wlzich is the heart ollhe city.

Scnvr ITlze Landlady, a heavy ??ry of foty anho n o,tres and speakutitlz a powerful sort ol indotettci, is'showing tlr" roori to a?to:?ect*e room,er, the Linle Man, dark oh, *or" d"tiraiuand, nentoas in appearante iltan laborers usuoily are. As soonas lze en*rs the door beh.ind the Landldy, his'renorkably iLlapidated suitcase con es a?arr, spilling its conrents o,uer ,hefl.oor--.unlaandered shirts, old sho)s, sh"oe-polish, a rosary.

La*pr,aoy: (laugh.ing) Well! The suitcase has decided!Lt;1r,e tTr (ltooVtng to replace the scattered articles) lts_ been working loose all day.Lawpr,epy: How long have you had that suitcaselLrrrr.r Max: Since I started traveling.

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Lrrtr.r MeN: Itts a beautiful room.Lelrplany: Whotre you kiddinglLrmr.n MeN: You. FIow muchfLar*pr.epy : Three-fifty-in advance.

Lrrrr,r Maw: I will take it, provided-Laworeny: Whatl Provided?Lnrr,r Mew: I can do like the Russian and keep the cat here

with me.

Lewnr,epy: (grinning) Oh, so you want to do like the Russian.Lrr-rrr Mex: Yes.

Launr,eny: (fi*i"S her hair at tlre racked nirror) My husbanrsa chronic invalid. An injury at the plant.

Lrrrr,r MaN: Yeahl Itm sorry.Lenprenv: Codein every day. Fifty cents a pill is what it costs

me. I wouldntt mind if only he wasntt such a pill sometimeshimself. But who can look at suffering in a person?

Lrrrr,n MeN: Nobody.LaNu.roy: Yes. That's how I feel. Well . . . the Russian used

to help me out with man's work in the house.Lrmrr MeH: I see.

LeNpr.epy: How old are youl I bet I can guess! Thirty-fivelLrr:rrr Mru: Uh-huh. About.Leuorapyi EyetalianlLrmr,n Mau: Uh-huh.Ler.rnlaoy: Wouldn't you think that I was a fortune-tellerl My

father was a Gypsy. He taught me a lot of the Zigeunet songs.FIe used to say to me, Bella, yourre nine parts music-the restis female mischief ! (Slze smiles at him.) That instrument onthe wall's a balalaika. Some night ltll drop in here to enter-tain you.

Lrrrrr Meu: Good. I heard you singing as I came up to thehouse. That's why I stopped. (She smiles again and, stand,sas il waiting.)

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Lnmpr.epy: Itll call you Musso. Musso for Mussolini. you gota jobl

Lrmr,e MaN: Not yet.Lerqpr-epy: Go down to the plant ant ask for Oliver Woodson.Lrrrr.r Merv: Oliver WoodsonlLenpr,eoy: Tell him Mizz Galbway sent you. He'll put you

right on the pay-roll.Lrrrr.r Mex: Good. Thanks.Lexnr,apy: Linenrs changed on Mondays. (She srur, ,o tutt

away") I got to apologi",e for the condition the walls are in.Lrrrr,r Merq: I noticed. Who did itlLenpr,apy: Every man who lived here signed his name.Lrrrr.r Man: There must have been a lot.Lanor-epv: Birds of passage. You ever try to count theml Rest-

Iessness---changes.

Lrrrr,r Mew: (smiling) Yeah.LaNor.eoy: Youtd think a man with pay-money in his pocket

would have something better to do than sign his name onthe walls of a rented bedroom.

Lrmr.n MaN: Is the Russiants name here, toolLaNor,epy: Not his name, he couldntt write-but his picture.

There! (She paints to a childish carroo?, of a big mon.) Rightbeside it, look-tail-whiskers-the cat! (Thry both taat{h.)Partners in misery, huhl

Lrrrr.B Men: A large manlLaNpr.aoy: Tremendous! But when the disease germ struck

him, it chopped him down like a piece of rotten timber . . .Statistics show that married men live longest. Irll tell youwhy it is, (Sh,e stroightens her bloase and ad.ju.sts the belt.)Men that-live by themselves-get peculiar ways. All thatpart of their lives that was meant to be taken up with familymatters is all left over-empty. You get what I meanl

Lrr:rrr MeN: YeahlLeNnrepv: Well . . . They fill it with make-shift things. I once

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LeNor..epv: You must be Gulliver, then! Yory've stood up under

the strain a lot better than it has.

Lrrrr.n MeN: (stroightenizg) I don't know.

Larqor.eov: You aintt held together by such old worn-out roPes.

Lrrrr,n MaN: (smiling shyly and' sad.ly) I dontt know.

Lenpr,epy: (crossing to rahe the dindoavblind) About this

room-I hope you aintt superstitious.

Lrmr.n Man: WhylLnwnr,apv: This room is one that a man lived in who had a bad

run of luck.Lrrrlp Mew: Oh. What happened to him? (The Lattdlad'y

sud.denly obsenses the cat on the bed.)

LeNpr-epv: Now how did that cat get in here? A little mysteryt

huhl She must've got up the pear tree, dropped on the roof

of the porch, an' climbed in th'window. (Tha Little Mansets don)n his valise and tosses gefi\ smiling to the cat. Hepicks her up atith great tend'erness.) She used to occupy this

room with the Russian.

Lrmr.r Men: The wholLrNnr-apv: The fellow I mentioned who had the bad run of

luck. I used to say I thought she brought it on him.

Lrcrr.r MeN: They loved each otherlLlNpr-nov: I never seen such devotion.

Lrrrr,n MeN: Then she couldn't have brought the bad luck on

him. Nothing's unlucky that loves you. Whatts her namel

LeNpr-eov: Nitchevo.

Lrrrr.r MeN: WhatlLaNor.apv: Nitchevo. That's what he called her. He told me

once what it means but Itve forgotten. It used to give me a

pain.

Lrmr.r MaN: WhatlLersor..e,ov: Itd come in here to talk. The circumstances Itve got

to live under are trying. I have a good deal of steam I need

to blow ofi. He was a good listener.

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Lrrrr.r Maw: The Russiani

Lnwpr.apy: Sympathetic, but silent. While I talked he was only

watching the cat.

Lrrrln MeN: (smiting o little) And so you don't like herl

LeNoraov: NO. (Sia sits comfortably on the bed.) Itll tell you

the story. FIe was a Russian or something. Polacks I usually

call 'em. Occupied this room before he took sick. He'd found

the cat in the alley ant brought her home ant fed her ant took

care of ter ant let ter sleep in his bed. A dirty practice, animals

in the bed. Dontt you think so? (The Little Man sh'rugs.)

Well'-the work at the plant is unhealthy for even a strong-

bodied man. The Polack broke down. Tuberculosis developed.

He gets an indemnity of some kind and goes West. The cat-he wanted to take her with him. I set my foot down on that.

I told him she'd disappeared. He left without her. Now Ican't get rid of the dirty thing.

Lrrrr.e Mew: The catl

LaNpr.epv: Twice today I thrown cold water on her when she

come slinking around here looking for him. See how she

stares at mel Hatred. Withering hatred. Just like one jealous

woman looks at another. I go* shets waiting around for him

to come home.

Lrr:n r MeN: Will hetLlNpr.apv: Never in this world.Lrr:rlr MeN: DeadlLeNor.eov: The sixteenth of January I got the notice. Wasntt

nobody else to be informed. (The Little Mot nods with a sad

snile and strokes the cat.) Some people say an animal under-

stands. I told her this morning, He aintt coming back, hets

dead. But she dontt understand it.Lrrrr.B Mxv: I think she does. Shets grieving. (holding het

ogaimst his aar) Yes, I can hear her-grieving.Llwpr,anv: Youtre a funny one, too. How does this be&oom

suit yoult37

Lrr:rr-r Mar: Itts a beautiful room.Laxor-aov: Who're you kiddinglLrrrlp Mau: You. FIow muchlLaxpr,apv : Three-fifty-in advance.

Lrrrrr MaN: I will take it, provided-Laupreoy: Whatl ProvidedlLrrru Maw: I can do like the Russian and keep the cat here

with me.

tanpr,eny: (grinning) Oh, so you want to do like the Russian.Ltrrr,r Mer.r: Yes.

Laxpr,epy: (fi*in7 her hair at the crackad mirror) My husbantsa chronic invalid. An injury at the plant.

Lrr-rlr MeN: Yeahl Itm sorry.Lexprepy: Codein every day. Fifty cents a pill is what it costs

me. I wouldn't mind if only he wasn't such a pill sometimeshimself. But who can look at suffering in a person?

Lrmrn MnN: Nobody.LeNpr,anv: Yes. That's how I feel. Well . . . the Russian used

to help me out with mants work in the house.

Lrrrln Meu: I see.

Lenor.epy: How old are youl I bet I can guess! Thirty-fivelLrmlB MeN: Uh-huh. About.teNor,apyi EyetalianlLrrrr-B Max: Uh-huh.LaNprepy: Wouldn't you think that I was a fortune-tellerl My

father was a Gypsy. He taught rne a lot of the Zigeuner songs.FIe used to say to me, Bella, youlre nine parts music-the restis female mischief ! (She smiles at him.) That instrument onthe wall's a balalaika. Some night Itll drop in here to enter-tain you.

Lrrrur MeN: Good. I heard you singing as I came up to thehouse. That's why I stopped. (She srniles again and sta*d,sas if waiting.)

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LeNpr,npv: I'll call you Musso. Musso for Mussolini. You gota jobl

Lrrrr,r Merv: Not yet,Leupr,epy: Go down to the plant ant ask for Oliver Woodson.Lrrrr-n Mer.i: Oliver WoodsonlLenor,apy: Tell him Mizz Gallaway sent you. He'll put you

right on the pay-roll.Lrrrr"B MeN: Good. Thanks.LeNnr,epy: Linen's changed on Mondays. (She storrs to turt

away.) I got to apologize for the condition the walls are in.Lrrrr,r Mew: I noticed. Who did ittLaxor,apy: Every man who lived here signed his name.Lrrrr.B Men: There must have been a lot.Lenpr,eoy: Birds of passage. You ever try to count theml Rest-

Iessness--<hanges.

Lrrrr-e Men: (smiling) Yeah.Ler.inr.eny: Youtd think a man with pay-money in his pocket

would have something better to do than sign his n4me onthe walls of a rented bedroom.

Lrrrr,r Men: Is the Russiants name here, toolL.o,wor.eoy: Not his name, he couldn't write-but his picture.

There! (She points to a childish carroon of a big rnen) Rightbeside it, look-tail-whiskers*the cat! (Th"y both lough.)Partners in misery, huhl

Lmrr-r Meu: A large man?

Lenor"aoy: Tremendous! But when the disease germ struckhim, it chopped him down like a piece of rotten timber . . .

Statistics show that married men live longest. I'll tell youwhy it is. (She straightens her blouse and ad.justs tlte belt.)Men that-live by themselves-get peculiar ways. All thatpart of their lives that was meant to be taken up with familymatters is all left over---€mpty. You get what I mean?

Lrrrrr Merq: Yeah?

Lawnrapy: Well . . . They fill it with make-shift things. I once

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had a roomer who went to the movies every night of the

week. FIe carried a brief<ase with him all of the time. Guess

what he carried in it!Llr:rr-r MaN: WhatlLeNor.epy: sanitary paper toilet-seats. (The Little Man loohs

away in ermbarrassrmel1't.) L crank about sanitation' Another

I had, had a pair of pet bedroom slippers'

Lrrrr.r M.q,n : Pet-bedroom-?LeNpr.e,ov: Slippers. Plain gray felt, nothing the least O1t P1c'

turesque about them. Only one thing-the odor! Flighly ob'

jectionable, after fifteen years-the length of time I 1&o1h. *.r.t rve worn ,em! well-the slippers disappeared-acci-

dentally on PurPose' as they say! Fleavens on earth! How

did I know he would die of a broken heartl He practickly

d\dl (she lat*glzs.) Life was incomplete without those bed-

room slippers. (She turns back to the walls') Some day I'm

going to iake rne a wire scrubbing-brush ant a bar of Fels'

fr"pltn" ant leave them walls as clean as they was before the

first roomer moved in. (The d'oor is pushed' open' The QId'

Mon enters. He looks like WaIt Whitman')

Olo Mars: You mustntt do that, daughter'

LeNnr.apv: Aw. You. WhY mustntt IlOlo Men: These signatures are their little clairns of remem-

brance. Their modest bids for immortality, daughter. Dontt

brush them away. Even a sPat'row-leaves an emPty nest for

a souvenir. Isntt that so, Young man?

Lrtrr.r Marv: Yes.

oro Man: cataracts have begun to- (He wal)es his hand' in

front of his nearly sightless eyes') l'm not sure where you

are.

Ltrrln MeN: (sttetching oat his hand) Flere'

olo Mew: Be comforted here. For the little while you stay.

And write your name on the wall! You wontt be forgotten.

LeNor,epv: Thatts enough, now, Father'

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Or,n Mer: I'm only looking for some empty bottles. F{ave you

any empty bottles?

Lauor-eov: How would he have empty bottles? He just

moved in.Or,o MeN: I trade them in at the Bright Spot Delicatessen.

I'll drop in later to finish our conversation. (He goes oilt.)LeNnlapv: My father-in-law. Don't encourage him, he'll be a

nuisance to you. (She taps her forehead.) Alcoholic-gone!Lrrrrr MaN: (sinking down on the bed' and' lifting the cat

again.) I'm-tired.Lexpr,aov: I hope youtll be comfortable here. I guess thatts all.Lrrr:,r MeN: Oliver Woodson?

Lexpr.eov: (ot the door) Ohryes4liver Woodson. (She goes

out. The Little Mon rises and. retnoqtes a st*b of pancil lromhis pocket. Srniling a little, he goes to the wall ond. beneath

rhe large ond elkptical selfTortrait of the Russion, he draws

his own lean figne, in a lew gukk pcncil statches- Beneath

the cafs ?rcttre, he p*ts an etuPhntie check+ttark. Then he

smiles at the cat *nd stands asid.e to saruey.)

CURTATN

ScsNr II

It is late one night that vinter. The fu'rnished room is enapty

ercce?t for the cat. Through the frosted' panes of the windorp inthe left wall a steely winter moonlight enters" The window inthe right wall adrnits the flickering ruddy glow of the plant

and. its pulseJike throbbing is hemd fairtly. The Little Manerrrers and saitches on the suspend,eil elecftic globe. He carries

a small package. He smiles ot Nitchauo ond' wnwaps the pach-

age. It is a srnall bottle of crearn wh'ich he brand'ishes belore

her.r4r

Lrmr-r MaN: Just a minute. (He lowers the window shade that

laces the ptant.) Now. We forget the plant. (He pows th'e

crea"ln,in a blue saucer.) There. Supper. (He sets it on the

fl.oor by the bed' and' sits to watch her eat.) Nitchevo, don't be

nervous. There's nothing to worry about. In winter my hands

get stifi, it makes me clumsy. But I can rub them together, Ican massage the joints. And when the weather turns warmer

-the stiffness will pass away. Then I won't jam uP the ma-

chine any more. Today Mr. Woodson got mad. He bawled

me out. Because my clumsy fingers jammed the machine' FIe

stood behind me and watched me and grunted-like this!

(He uilers an omino'tr,s gril,nt.) Oh, it was like a knife stuck

in me, between my ribs! Because, you seer I . . . have to keep

this job, to provide the supper. Well . . . I began to shake!

Like this! (He irnitates shahing-) And he kept standing be-

hind me, watching and grunting. My hands went faster and

faster, they broke the rhythm. All of a sudden a part was put

out of piace, the machine was jammed, the belt conveyor

stopped! SCR-E-E-ECH! Every man along the line looked

at me! Up and down and all along the line they turned and

stared-at nre! Mr. Woodson grabbed me by the shoulder!('There you go," he said, ('you clumsy Dago! Jammed up the

works again, you brainless Spick!" (H" covers his face") Oh,

Nitchevo-I lost my dignity-I cried. . . . (H" draws kis

breath in a shwd'dering sob.) But now we forget about that,

that's over and done ! Itts night, wetre alone together-the

room is warm-we sleep. . . . (Hu strips off |tis shirt and lies

back on the bed,. Th'ere is a knock at the door and' he sits up

guickty. He makes a warning gest&re to the cat. But tlze caller

is not to be easily discouraged.. Th'e knock is repeated', the

d.oor is thrust open. It is th.e Landlad'y in a soiled but fancy

negligee.)LeNor-env: (resentfully but coyly) Oh-you were playing Pos-

sum.r42

Lrrlt.s MeN: Itm-not dressed.

LeNpr,apv: Nobody needs to be bashful on my accotut' Ithought youtd gone out and left on the light in your room'

We got to economize on electric current.

Lrru-n MIN: I always turn it off when I go out.

LeNpr-epv: I don't believe you ever go outr excePt to the plant'

Lrrrr.r Mar: Itm on the night-shift now.

Leupr-aov: The grave-yard shift, they call it. What is the

trouble with you and Oliver Woodsonl

Lrr"rr,s MaN: Troublel Why?Lenuanv: I met him in the Bright Spot Delicatessen.

('Oh, by

way:'I said to him, 3(howts that feller I sent you getting

alongr that Eyetalian fellerl" ((Aw, him!" said Mr. Wood-

son. '(Say, what's the matter with himl Isn't he doing okaylttttNaw, he jams things uPl' ttwellrt' I saidr ((give him time,

I think he's nervous. Maybe he tries too hard.t'

Lnrr.n Men: What did he say?

LeNpr-epv: FIe grunted. (She smiles. The Little Man pou'rs

the rest ol the ffeefir' in the cntts sotrcer. He is trembling')

You must try ant get over being so nervous. Maybe what you

need is more atnusement. (She sits en the ed'ge of the bed',

a:ith the batalaiko.) Sit back down! There's roorn for two on

this sofa! (She pats the space beside her. He gingerly sits

brck d,own ct a cowiderable distance- His hand's knot otttc'

iously together. She ptays a soft chord' ott tha balaloika atdhurns ssith a sidelong glance at ,ha rreruous roomer.) Tiredl

Lrrrr,r MeN: Yes.

I-eunr-epv: Some nights I hear you-talking through the door.

Who is he talking to, I used to wonder. (She chacklas.) Atfirst I imagined you had a woman in here. Well, I'm a tol-

erant woman. I know what people need is more than food and

more than work at the plant. (She plays dremnily for a rno-

/r?ent.) So when I heard that talking I was pleased. I said to

myself-((That lonely little man has found a woman!" I only

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hoped it wasntt one picked up-you know<n the street.

Women like that aren't likely to be very clean. Female hy-

gienets a lot more--complicated. Well . . . (The Little Monlooks dovm in an ogony of ernbamassrment.)

Lrrrlp MaN: It wasn't-a woman.

LeNor,eov: I know. I found that out. Just you. Carrying on aone-sided conversation with a cat! Funny, yes-but kind ofpitiful, too. You a man not even middle-aged yet-devotingall that care and time and afiection-on whatl A stray alley-cat you inherited just by chance from the man who stayed

here before you, that fool of a Russian! The stangest kindof a romance . " . a man-and a cat! What we mustntt do,is disregard nature. Nature says-((Man take woman or-manbe lonesomel" (She smiles at hin coyly and, ,ttoves a littlecloser.) Nature has certainly never said, ((Man take cat!tt

said anything to me.

Ler'rpr.aoy: (fuzpatiently) Because you wouldntt listen!L,rmr.e Mex: Oh, I listened. But all I ever heard was my own

voice-asking me troublesome questions!

LeNpr-aov: You hear merdonttyou?Lrrrr-n MeN: I hear you singing when I come home sometimes.

Thatts very good, I like it.I-aNor.epv: Then why dontt you stop in the parlor and have a

chatl Why do you act so bashfuIl (9he rkes and stands back

ol him.) We could talk-have fun! When you took this roomyou gave me a false impression.

Lrrrr,r MaN: What do you mean?

Lewor-apv: Flave you forgotten the conversation we hadlLrrrr,n Maw: I dontt remember any conversation.

LeNpr,epv: You said you wanted to do just like the Russian.

I-rrtr,r M.lw: I meant about the cat, to have her with me!

LaNpr.aov: I told you he also helped about the house!

Lrmr.n Men: I'm on the night-shift now!

r4+

LRrcpLAoy: Quit dodging the issue! (There is a paase and, thershe torrches his shouJd.er.) I thought I explained things toyou. My husband's a chronic invalid, codein, now, twice aday! Naturally I have-lots of steam to blow ofr.! (The LiuleMam firoves neryousl! away. She tollows gonderously, rercbing above her to switch off the electric globe.) Now-that'sbetter, aintt itl

Lrmr,n Mar'l: I don't think I know--cxactly.Lerpr,eoy: You ain't satisfied with the room?Lrrrr,r Men: I like the room.LeNpr.aov: I had the idea you wasntt satisfied with it.Lrr"rr,r Meu: The room is home. I like it.Ler.lor.eoy: The way you avoided having a conversation+lmost

ran past the front room every night. Why dontt we talk to-getherl The cat's got your tongue?

Lrtrlr MaN: You wouldntt be talking-to me.

tar.ror,apv: Itm talking to you-direckly!L,rtrr.r Mew: Not to ma.

taupr,aoy: You! Me! Where is any third partylLrurr-r Mew: There isn't a second party.LaNpr-.nnv: What?Lrrrr,s MeN: You're only talking to something you think is me"

Lenpr,eov: Now we me getting in deep. -Ltrrr-n Mew: You made me say it. (tarning to tace her) l'm

not like you, a solid, touchable being.Lewor.any: Words*wonderful! The cat's let go of your

tongue?

Lrr.rr"s Man: Youtre wrong if you think I'm-a person! Itrnnot-no person! At all . . .

Lewpr..e.nv: What are you, then, little rnanlLrrrlr Maw: (sighing and. shrwgging) A, kind of a-ghost of

a-rnan . . .

Lewor,.eoy: (laughing) So you're not Napoleon, you're Napo-Ieonts ghost!

t45

Lrrrr,s Marc: When a body is born in the world-it can,t backout....

LaNpreoy: HuhlLrrrr,n MeN: But sometimes-Lauor,aoy: WhatlLrl:rrr Mer: (with a bewild.ered. gesture) The body is only__a

shell. It may be alive-when what's inside-is too afraid tocome out! It stays locked up and alone! single! private!That's how it is-with me. you,re not talking to me_butjust what you think is me!

LeNor,apv: (laaghing gently) Such a lot of words. yourvethrown me the dictionary. All you needed to say was thatyou're lonesome. (She touches his shoulder.) plain old lone-someness, thatts whatts the matter with you! (He turns tohtr on'd she gently touches !,is fo.ce.) Nature says, ((Donrt

belonesome!" (The cuttain begins to fatt.) Nature says*( Dorlt-be lonesomeltt

CURTAIN

Scrur IIIIt is again hte at night. The Little Mam enters with sno* onhis nrned*p collar a*d, knitted black wool cap.

He corries the ustnl little pachage o! cream for his friend. thecat. Again he follows his nightly routine of l.owering tke shad.eon ,h.e glare of tlze pla*t, pouring the crean in the blue sattter,ond the sigh.ing relaxation on the bed.

Lrrrr,r Mar: Nitchevo-dontt worry-donrt tie nervous! (lneedless admonition for Nitchmo doesn't ha'e a care im ,heqporld. The Little Mon, smiling, watches her as he hatf-reclines om the bed.) As long as we stic-k together therersnothing to fear. There's only danger when two who belongto each other get separated. We wonrt get sepa"rated_nevej

r46

Will wei (There is a rap at the door.) Bellal (The door is, pushed opan a.nd the Otd. Man uaps inside.)Or,o Mau: May I come inl (The Litile Man nods.) Don,r men_tion this visit to my daughter_in_law. She doesnit

"pfr""" "f- my having social relations with her roomers. where is a chairrLrrrr,r Mer: (shoving one tuunrd hir) Here.Or.o Mau: Thank you. I wonrt stay long.Llrrr.r Meu: you may stay as long as you wish.Or"o MaN: Thatrs very generorr. oiyor. But I wonrt do it. Iknow how tiresome I am, a tiresome old man who makes-his

needof companionship a nuisance. I donrt suppose yoo_t ro"a little tobaccol

Lrt."r,r Mer: (prodrcing some) yes-here. shall I roll it foryoulOr,p MeN: Oh, no, no, no. I have a wonderful lightness in my

fingers!Lrmr.B MaN: Mine shake, theyrre always clumsy.or.n MeN: yes. I understand that. So liropp"i in. I thought

we would have a talk.Lrrrr,r Mers: (em.barrassed) I donrt_talk much.Oro Meu: Fools hate silence. I like it. I see you have books.

From the public librarylLrmr,u Merc: One or two. I own them.Oro Maw: As I was passing outside, I heard some clinking,Lrrrr.n Mer: Clinkinglor'p Mex: Yes--like bottles. I collect empty bottres which I ex-

change at the Bright Spot Delicatessei.Lrmr,B Max: The bottle you heard was only a little crearn

bottle. It's under the bed.Oro Mer: Oh. That wouldnrt do any good. you drink creamlLrrrr,r Maw: The cat.Orn Meu: (nod.ding) Ohhh, so the cat is present! That,s what

made the air in the room so soft .nd f,rll of ,r"."tr.oiNitcheve-where are youl

t47

LrrrI.s MeN: Shets having her supper.

Or,o Merv: Well, I won't disturb her until she's finished. Youare devoted to animalsl

Lrrrr,e Men: To Nitchevo.

Or,n MeN: Be careful.Llrrln MaN: Of what?

Orp Man: You may lose her. Thatts the trouble with love, the

chance of loss.

Lrr"rr.r MeN: Nitchevo wouldntt leave me.

Olo MeN: Not on purpose, maybe. But life is full of accidents,

chances, possibilities--not all of which are always very good

ones. Do you know tJratl

Ltrrr,r Marq: Yes.

Olp MeN: A truck might run her down.

Lrrrr.r MeN: Nitchevo was brought uP on the street.

Or-o Mer: The luxuries'of her Present existence may have

dulled her faculties a little.Lrrrr.n M.cn: You dontt understand Nitchevo. She hasn't for-

gotten how dangerous life can be for a lonely Person.Oln MaN: But she hasntt control of the universe in her hands!

Lrmr.r MeN: No. Why should shel

Or.p MeN: Other things might happen. You work at the plantlLrr:rr,r Mell: Yes"

Orn Mer.r: (a lonatical light coming into his clotd'ed' eyes)

Uh-huh! I know those fellows that operate the plant, I know

the bosses. They know I know them, too. They know I know

their tricks. That's why they hate me. Look. Suppose the

demand for what they make slacked off. Therets two things

they could do. They could cut down on the price and so put

the product within the purchasing power of more consumers.

Listen! Iove read books on the subject! But, no! Therets an-

other thing they could do. They could cut down on the num-

ber of things they make--create a scarcity! Seel And boost

the price still higher! And so maintain the rich mants margin

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of proft! Which do you think they'd dol Why, God Al-mighty-Nllchevoknows rhe answer! Theytd do what they'vealways done. (He chrckles and rises and bagins to sing in ahoarse tacked ooice.)

Hold up, hold up the Profit,Ye Minions of the Boss!

Lift high the Royal Proft,It must not suffer loss!

(There is a pounding on the wall and vocal objectio* o*tsidc.)Lrrrr.r MaN: Mrs. OrFallon-disturbed.Or,o MeN: Yes, yes! What theytll cut down is production. I-ess

and less men will be needed to run the machines. Fewer andfewer will stand at the belt conveyor. More and more work-ers will fall into the hands of the social agencies. Independ-ence goes-then pride-then hope. Finally even the abilityof the heart to feel shame or despair or anything at all-goes,too. What's left? A creature iike me. Whose need of com-panionship has become a nuisance to people. Well, somewherealong the line of misadventures-is the cat!

Lrrrr,n Maw: NitchevolOr,o Mrrv: (nodding sagaciously) You are not able to buy the

cream any more.Lrrrrn Merv: Well?Oro MeN: Well, cats are capricious!Lrrrr,r Man: She isntt a fair-weather friend.Oro Mex: You think she'd be faithful ro youl In adversity,

even?

Lrrrlr Mew: Shetd be faithful to me.Orn Mex: (bearning slowly) Good! Good! (He touches his

eyelids.) A beautiful trust. A rare and beautiful trust. Itmakes me cry a little. That's all that life has to give in theway of perfection.

Lrrrr,r MeN: What?Or,n MaN: The warm and complete understanding of two or

r49

three in a close-walled room with the windows blind to the

world.

Oro Mer'r: (alternatingly tend'er and, 'rtociferoas) The roof isthin. Above it, the huge and glittering wheel of heaven which

spells a mystery to us. Fine-invisible'--cords of wonder-attach us to it. And so we are saved and purifred and exalted.

We three! You and me and-Nitchevo, the cat! (He lif ts h*against hh eor.) Listen! She purrs! Mmm, such a soft and

sweet and powerful sound it is. It's the soul of the universe-throbbing in her! (He hand.s her back to the Little M'an.)

Take her and hold her close! Close! Never let her be sepa-

rated from you. For while youtre together-none of the evil

powers on earth can destroy you. Not even the imbecile child

which is chance*nor the mad, insatiable wolves in the hearts

of men! (The sound ol exterior ?rotest gathers vohmw. A

a;indow bangs open amd' a asontan' shouts Jor an ofi'cer. The

Old Man crosses ta the atindaw that faces the plont. He raises

the blind and the f.ickering red' glare of the pulsing forgesshines on his bearded. face.) There she is!

Lrr"rr,r MeN: The plant?

Orn MeN: Uh-huh. (in a qaiet, corfl)ersatiorrtl tone) The day

before yesterday I went down to the plant. I asked the Super-

intendent about a job. ('Oliver Woodson," I said, 'this cor-

porationts too big for me to fight with. Itve come with the

olive branch. I want a job.t' ((You're too old," he told rne.((Never mindrt' I said, ('take down my nameltt ((But, Poprtt

he said to me, (tyou're nearly blindlt'((Never mind,t'I said,('take down my name!" "Okay, PoPr" said Mr. OliverWoodson. ttWhatts your nameltt *My name is Manrtt I said.((My name is Man. Man is my namert' I said, ((spelt M-A-N."('Okayr" said Oliver Woodson. ((Where do you livel" t(I live

on a crossr)t I said. (tOn whatl" ((On a cross! I live on a cross,

on a cross! (His ttoice rising loud.er and' Iouder-) Cupidity

IJO

and Stupidity, that is the two-armed cross on which you havenailed me! stupidity and cupidity, that is the two-armed crosson which you have nailed me!',

l-rrrrr Mer: What did he say, thenl The SuperintendentlOro MeH: The Superintendentl Said, ((Hush up, be still! I'll

send for the wagon!"Wouex Roounn: (sh.outing in the hall outsid.e) I ain't gonna

live in no house with a lunatic! I calied the police, hers gonnasend for th' wagon!

[,rrrr-r Mau: (sod.ly) She's going to send for the wagon.Orn Mer'r: There! You seel I speak for the people. F'or me,

they send for the wagon! Never mind. Take down rny name.It's Man! (He leans out the windaw and. shakes his fi"rt at tlzeplant. The forges blaze higher ond their stead.y pulse seemsto quicken with the Old. Manrs frenzy.) I see you and I hearyou! Boom-boom-boom! The pulse of a diseased heart!

LnNprany: (in the hall) Be still, you drunken old fool, you'vewoke up the house!

Wopren Roourn: (outside) Terrible, terrible, terribtrel Luna-tics in the house!

()ro Mew: A fire-breathing monster you are! But listen to me!Because I'm going to speak The Malediction! Go on, go on,you niggardly pimps of the world! You entrepreneurs of de-ception, you traders of lies! We stand atbay but we are notdefeated. The passion of our resistance is gathering force. Wecan Boom-Boom, too, we,re going to Boom! Itrs only a littlewhile we give you license! We sayr Feed on, Feed on! yourace of gluttons! Devour the fesh of thy brother, drink hisbiood! Glut your monstrous bellies on corruption! And whenyou're too fat to move-that fist will clench, which is the fistof God-to strike! Strike! STRIKE ! (He smoshes a pane olthe windout. At tlzis m,oment tlte d,oor i.s burst open. Ligh.t.rpills in lrom the h.all.)

I5I

Wouew R.ootrrnn: (outside the d'oruay) Watch out! Hetll killsomebody!

LaNpr-epv: Mrs. OtFallon, be still, get out of the way! Ofrcer,

go on inl (A police oficer enrers' followed' by the Landlady

in owrapper. A group of trightened' rootners, gray and blooLless-looking, haddle behind. her in the d'ootw:oy. The AnIeMan stand's clutching the cat ogainst his chest. The Old Madsrage is s?ent. He stand's with head' hangingin the banal glow

of the electric bulb which the Land,lody switches on.)

Lewnr.env: (to the Old' Mon) Ahh, you drunken old fool, my

patience is gone. Officer, take him away. Lock him up till he

comes to his senses. (The officer gras?s the OId, Marls artn.)

Orrrcnn: Come alongr old man.

\Mouan Rooprrn: (in the crowd ot the d.oor) A dangerous,

criminal character!

LaNpr-apv: (to the groa?) Go on, go on back to your beds. Theexcitement is over. (The Old Man seerms barely consciaus as

he is pushed' out the door. The others retreot behind. hbn.

The Little Mon makes a dutmb, protesting gest',tre, still clutch-

ing Nitchevo agoinst his chest vith one ornt. The Landlady

slam.s the door om the others. She turns angrily to face the

Little Man.) You! You're responsible for it! Flaven't I toldyou not to encourage him in his drunken ravingsl Well! . . .Why don't you say somethingl (She ierks the v;indow

doan.) Christ. Youtre not a man at all, youtre a Poor excuse.

Put down that cat! Throw that animal down! (She stutches

Nitchevo lrorn h.irn and casts her to the floor.) She hates me.

Lrrrr,r MeN: She doesntt like unkindness. (F/a stares at her.)

LeNpr-eoy: (uneasily) Why that-look? What's the meaning

of it?Lrrnr,r MeN: Itm not looking at you. I'm looking at all the evil

in the world. Turn out the light. I've lived too long in a room

that was nothing but windows and always at noon and withno curtains to draw. Turn out the light. (She reaches slowly

r52

abwe her atd. switches it off. He s*ddenly goes ,o her ondphmges his head against her chest,) O beautiful, cruel Zi-geuner! Sing to me, sing to me! Comfort me in the dark!(At first she stands stiff ond hostile. Then she relents ondembraces his crouching bod.y, and. begins to sing, softly.)

CURTAIN

Scnrr IV

A norning in spring. The bra*ches oatside the ceind,ows of the

fwnished. roont bear d,elicate new lea,ues which cast ,heir trenbbling shad.ovts through the panas. On the v:hite iron bed. isseated. the Boxer in his undershirt paring his corns with o pen-hnife. With a faint creoking, the d.oor k pashed. open, T he LittleMan conres in. His n anner is dazed, he look as though he hadhad a long illness.

Lrmr,r Mew: (faintly) Nr-tchevolBoxrn: (grinning) Sorry, you've got the wrong party-my

narne is Bill! (F/a points to a s?ace on the wall afiere his sig-natare is suaailed. in greot letters. A great X mark has been

d.raasn through the portraits ol the Rassiam, the Cat, and theLittle Man.)

Lrr:rr"r Mer: This was-my old roonr.Boxun: Well, it ain't any more. Unless the landlady rooked me.Ltrrr,n Mer: Youtve-moved in herelBoxrn: Yep. I've hung my boxing gloves on the wall. And

there's my silver trophies. (He points to glo'ues suspended.

from a nail and several sihter caps on the bweou.)Lrt:rr,B MeN: There was-a cat.Boxrn: A cat?

Lrrrr-n Mew: Yes.

Boxnn: Yoursi

Lrrrr.n MeN: Yes. She was mine-by adoption. I thought Imight-hoped-find her here.

Boxrn: (tooking ot hint, with hu,morous c*riosity) I can't help

you out.Lrrrr-r M.eN: You haventt seen onel A gray onel (He tottches

his chest.) White-spottedlBoxsR,: Why, I've seen dozens of cats of every description-

(Away in tlte house somattshere the Land'Iod'y corturtuerrces to

sing one of her haot'nting Zigeuner songs. As he speaks the

Boxer retutns to paring ltis corns with an amioble expression"\

-Itve seen gray ones, black ones, white ones, spitted, spotted,

and sputted! My relations with cats is strictly-loissez foire!Know what that means, buddy? Live and let live-a motto.

I've never gone out of my way-(looking up refl.ectitt"b)-toinjwre a cat. But when one gets in my way' I usually kickitl(The Litile Man stares at him speechlessly.) Any more in'formation I can give youl

Lrr"rrn Meu: You see, I worked at the plant.

Boxrn: So?

Lrmr-r Mau: I was fired, I-<ouldn't handle the work! My-fingers-froze up on me! On the way home, I-*omethinghappened. They took me to the Catholic Sisters of Nlercy!(Th.e Boxer grunts") I had no idea how many weeks I was

there. Observation-mental. When I got out-I wondered

about my cat, and that was only this morning. I've-come toget her.

Boxrx: I haventt seen her, buddy,

Lrrrr,r Meu: (desperately) She hasn't-dimbed in the win-

dow?

Boxnn: No. If she did she wouldn't have got a very cordial re-

ception.

Lrmrr MeN: She hasntt-been arownd" thenl (His voice

breaks, his lips tremble. The Boxer stares at him incred*lously. Su'd.d.mly he begins to la*gh' Helplessly the Little

r5+

Man laughs with kim, breathlessly and. uncontrollably. Forseveral rnatnents tltey laugh together, then all at omce theLittle Man's foce puckers up. He covers his fa.ce and. sobs"

The Boxer grunts with arnazernent. This is entirely too rnuch.He strid,es to tlze d,oor,)

Boxnn: (shouting) Bella! Bella! Hey, tseiial (The Landlad.yanswers. Atter a flr"ornem, of tqJ)o she a??ears in the d,oor. Herlorge sirnplicity is gone. She hos trizzed her h.air and. has ona tighrfitilng d.ress and. f,ashy jewelry. In her now is a sinister,gl.eaming rich.ness.)

Lervpr.eov: Aw, YOU. They tole me you got laid off at th'plant. Itm sorry. The room'as been taken. Itts now occupied

by this young gentleman here. Your stufi, your few belongings,are packed in the downstairs closet. On your way out you mayas well pick them up. (The Little Man cloax in his pockeuand. puJls out a large dirty rag. He blows his nose on it.) Icantt afrord to let my rooms stay vacant. I got to be practical,don't Il I didn't take you under false pretenses. You mustremember the first conversation we had, before you even de-

cided you'd take the room. I told you there wasntt nothingsoft in my nature. That I was a character perfectly fair and

deeent*but not sentimental. It's luck in this world, plainluck-and you've got to buck it!

Lrmr.s Mers: You---<ame in, nights and--sang.Boxnn: FIuh!Lrrrrr Mew: (wond.eringly) Sang. . . .

Laupr-aoy: What of itl I gave you free entertainment. But thatdontt mean I was sentimental about you. (The Little Monshokes h.is head.\

LrmlB Meu: Nothingll.eNnr,aov: WhatlI-rrrr,n Marq: Nothing?BoxrR: (annoyed.) What is thisl What's this going on herel Is

this my room or is it somebody else'sl (He grabs his gloves

I5J

frorn the atall..) Return me the fin I paid you and Itll moveout!

LeNnr-epv: Just hold your horses a minute!Boxrn: Mine or hislLeupr,aoy: Yours, horse-mouth! Take it easy!

Boxrn: Naw, I won't. I dontt like this kind of business! I renta room, I want no crack-pot visitors coming an' cryin' oversome---catts disappearance !

Leupr,eoy: Easy, for God's.sake! Is this a national crisisl Mr.-Chile con carne! Whatever it is! Please go.

Lrrrr.r Mau: (recovering his d,ignity) I'm going. I only wantedto ask you. Where is the catl

LaNnr.env: (grondly) That question I cannot answer. I turnedher out.

Lrr.nr Mew: WhenlLeupreov: I dontt remember. Two or three weeks ago, maybe.Lrr:rr.n Mew: (despairingly) No!Boxrn: Christ.Lrrrr-r Men: No, no, no!LeNnrepy: (angrily, to them both) Be still! What do you think

I aml The nerve a some people . . . Expeck me to playnurse-maid to a sick alley<at? (There is a pouse.)

Lttrr,r MeN: SicklLexnr.aoy: Yes! Whining! Terrifrc!Lrrrrr Maw: What was-the matter with herlLeNor,eov: How should I knowl Aml a---qtettinerry? She cried

all night and made an awful disturbance. Yes, like youtremaking nowl I turned her out. And when she come slinkingback here, I thrown cold water on her three or four times!Finally, finally, she took no for an answer! That is all I haveto say on the subjeck.

LrrT rr Mar: (staring at her) Mean-ugly-fatl. (Ha repeats

it faster.) Mean, ugly, fat, mean, ugly, fat! (She slaps hinr56

luriously in the face. The Borer grabs his sha*Id.ers atd.shoves him oat the d.oor with a kick.)

Boxpn: Now, God damn it! A mad-howe!Lewnr.eoy: Ahhh! Th'-Lrrrr,r Mar.i: (screaming through the door) Where is shel

Nitchevo, Nitchevo! Where is shel Where did she golNitchevo, Nitchevo! Where!

LeNpr,anv: (sueaming back at him) Hroly God, what do Icare where that dirty cat went! She rnight've gone to thedevil for all I care! Get out of the house and stop screaming!I'lI call the police! (The Littte Man does not ansaw and,arns aa)ey frorn the door where the Boxer is blocking him,)

Boxrn: Huh! Yes-a mad-howe.Lewpr,apv: Out of his mind. Completely, (She wipes her face

on her slee,ue and. ad.justs her clothes.) Goingl Can you hearlBoxnn: Yeah. Going back downstairs.Lewplaov: God. I hate for people to make a scene like that.

Imagine! Holding me responsible for a sick cat. (She snifi.esa little.) Mean, ugiy, fat. . . . I guess I am. But who isnrt?(She sinks exkaasted.ly on the bed,. The Boxer stand,s at thewind.ous rolling a cigarette.)

Boxnn: FIe's gone out back of the house.Leupreny: What's he doing back therelBoxrR: Poking around in the alley and calling the cat. (The

Little Man calls in the distance: .rNitch.evo!")

Lewor.eny: Useless. He'll never find her. (Th.ere is a swdd.enburst of joyful shouting. The Boxer leans out the vsindow andcltuckles. A softer, watmer guality a??ears in th.e slantingswnlight. There is d.istanr rursic.) Now whatts going onl

BoxBn: A celebration.Lewor,aoy: Celebration of whatlBoxrn: (ligh.ting h.is cigarette and resting a loot on the sill) The

old cra&-pot with the whiskers has found the cat"

r57

LeNpr,epy: Found herl Who did you saylBoxrn: The old man, your father-in-law.Lauoreoy: The old man couldn't have found hert (She gets &?

longuid.ly and. rmoves to the wind,ow.) How could he havefound herl The old man's blind.

Boxrn: Anyhow, he found her. And there they go, (The La4td- '

lady gazes wonderingly out the atind,ow, Tha Bonar slQs hitarm abou, hot waist. The light is golden, the m,tasic is tabt,ard, tender.)

LeNpr.eoy: Well, well, well. And so they are leaving together. r

The funniest pair of lovers! The ghost of a man-and a catnamed Nitchevo! I'm glad. , . . Goodbye! (The m*sic soutdslouder and, triumphant,)

CURTAIN

r58