The spirit of Marriage
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Transcript of The spirit of Marriage
THE SPIRIT OF MARRIAGE
kindness- gentleness
Patience (note from last week)
Makrothumia. This is the choice to refrain from avenging oneself, at least immediately; it can include either a delay or erasure of wrath. We might call this "the patience motivated by love.“
this is the patience Paul speaks of…
Heart (Character)
Reasons Mr. Rogers Was the Best Neighbor Ever
Even Koko Liked Him
Thieves Thot Twice Genuinely Curious Most Tolerant Made People Sing The Sweaters Wrote Music Hated TV
What does it say that we often describe someone as a “really nice guy”?
Kindness - Gentleness
Kindness - Gentleness
Kindness Test
HEART (CHARACTER)… IS DEFINED BY BEHAVIORS…
POINT 1
What About You?
What is the “Heart”? Seat of the inner self (life, soul, mind,
spirit) Similar in meaning to soul, but with a focus
on thinking & understanding (Mk 2:8; Lk 1:51; 24:38)
Seat of feeling, impulse, affection, desire (Mt. 6:21; 22:37; Phil. 1:7)
Seat of intellect (Mt. 13:15; Rom. 1:21) The inner and mental frame (Mt. 5:8; Lk.
16:15; 1 Pet. 3:4) The conscience (1 Jn. 3:20, 21) The inner part, middle, center (Mt. 12:40)
II. A Matter of the Heart
If we as Christians cannot live out our faith in our marriages, then our faith is a show at best. And yet, how can one tell if they have made their faith in God a vital part of their marriage? It will be evident, without question, because a transformed heart is unmistakable.
“What is my heart towards my spouse?”
What is the State of Your Heart?II. A Matter of the Heart
A heart is one that has been utterly changed by the love, grace, mercy, and the Spirit of God (Ephesians 2:1-10). It is one that has wholly acknowledged Christ as Lord It is one that recognizes that the old-destructive ways of the
past are cast aside (2 Corinthians 5:15-17) A heart that is set on treating and loving one’s
spouse with the same love, kindness, and mercy that as God It is faithful, unselfish, willing to sacrifice and put aside oneself
in order to listen, understand, empathize, love, and cherish one’s spouse (Ephesians 5:2)
A heart is set on living by the Fruit of the Spirit- fundamental to change and revitalization in your marriage
A Transformed Heart is…II. A Matter of the Heart
POINT 2
A Transformed Heart Mends Marriages
What is kindness really? Kindness defined as “A compassionate act; an act that shows consideration and caring.” This is an inadequate picture of NT description though…
III. Kindness - Gentleness
What Do You Think Of?
Gentleness in Galatians Means…
Gentleness (praiotes) is similar to meekness… though more attitude than action
III. KINDNESS - GENTLENESS
Gentleness in Galatians Means…
Meekness is not weakness
III. KINDNESS - GENTLENESS
Power Under Control Gentleness in Galatians
“Meekness” can only exist where great strength is under strict control!
III. Kindness - Gentleness
Power Under Control … applies even force in the correct way
Gentleness in Galatians
III. Kindness - Gentleness
Kindness in Galatians Means…
• Kindness (chrestotes)- sometimes translated “Gentleness”• 10x in the NT• 9 of 10 related to word for
“loving kindness” – includes the idea of mercy, grace, devotion, good, gentle
• Best translated as “Goodness expressed in deeds” – but descriptive of ones disposition
Kindness in Galatians Means…
Kindness - What does it look like?
III. KINDNESS - GENTLENESS
IV. Kindness & Gentleness:Following Jesus’s Example Submissiveness to the Will of God Philippians 2:5-8
(NLT)You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. 6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, 8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
A Teachable Spirit James 1:21 (NLT)So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.
POINT 3
The fruit of the Spirit is reflected in my
behaviors… which stem from a heart
characterized as Gentle & Kind
V. SHOWING …KINDNESS IN MARRIAGE
Kindness
• By Speaking Kindly to Our Spouse (This is kindness in
words)Soft Tone: First Sign: The Harsh Startup Kindly Non-Verbals: Second Sign: "The Four Horsemen“
Criticism 2. Contempt 3. Defensiveness 4. Stonewalling
Play (Speak) by the rulesDon’t expect mind reading
Kindness
• By Developing a Kind Attitude Toward Spouse
(This is kindness in heart)• Choose a different attitude
"The Four Horsemen” #2 = Contempt • Expect realistically- Don’t expect
husband to be girlfriend/Wife to be frat buddy
• Think relationally- Stop thinking that your way is the “right” way- “right” is really control
V. SHOWING …KINDNESS IN MARRIAGE
Kindness
• By Doing Kind Things for Spouse(This is kindness in
action)• Love expressed in 1,000 little
choices daily• Maybe the secret to marital
happiness is as simple as making your spouse tea in the morning- Turning down his side of the bed- Giving her a back rub
V. SHOWING …KINDNESS IN MARRIAGE
• Say "good morning."• Ask how he or she slept.• Make something for him or her to eat.• Help find something your spouse
misplaced.• Check with your spouse to make sure
they have everything they need for the day (money, food, information, etc.).
• Call during the day to say hello.• Run an errand at the store.• Listen and comfort your spouse if he or
she is upset.• Help your spouse with his or her tasks
at home.• Do favors.• Spend time together before going to
sleep.
Kind/Gentle Actions
Gentleness
• By having a teachable spirit• By thinking before responding-
not react• By responding in a calm manner• By responding with empathy • By responding with kindness
V. SHOWING …KINDNESS IN MARRIAGE
"Compassionate love" includes small, random acts that add up to bigger happiness in marriage. It's a skill set that increases marriage longevity and satisfaction, studies say. And it applies to both genders, because men and women are a lot alike.
V. Showing …Kindness in marriage
POINT 4
Kindness/Gentleness Works…
Even in a Marriage
What I Learned in Kindergarten …Share everything. Play fair.Don't hit people. Put things back Where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life -Learn some and think some- And draw and paint and sing and dance- And play and work everyday some. Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, Watch out for traffic,Hold hands and stick together.Kindness works in a marriage.
Gottman:Couples who accept, respect and honor each other's feelings are less likely to divorce (Love is expressed in a 1,000 little choices every day)
Kind/Gentle Actions
POINT 5
It’s the “Little” Things that Make a Difference
10 Marriage Sweeteners
• Put your partner's goals first. Giving your husband the last cupcake is easy. Spending your vacation—again—with his family is hard.
• Try to understand your partner's thoughts and feelings. Not sure what's going on? Ask.
• Accept, don't judge. Don't like your spouse's relatives, or his taste in clothes or TV shows? Zip it.
• Be open to your partner's requests. Everyone is busy. If your spouse asks for something, assume it's important.
• Modify your plans for your spouse's sake. Does she need a night off from parenting, or a few hours to finish a work project? Accommodate and earn relationship goodwill..
10 Marriage Sweeteners
• Do something special for your partner. Flowers are nice, but so is making the bed or giving a massage.
• Express tenderness and caring. Not everyone likes public displays of affection. But you can make a nice cup of tea.
• Go out of your way to 'be there.' Pay attention when your partner seems particularly stressed and try to help.
• Show respect and admiration. Celebrate successes, even little ones. Did your spouse handle a touchy situation well, or make you laugh? Point it out.
• Show you value your partner. Two words: Thank you.
SHOWING … KINDNESS &GENTLENESS IN MARRIAGE
Gentleness & Kindness
• How well am I doing???1. Do your spouse "feel loved by you" 2. Does your spouse "see Jesus in you"
Do something
• Ask Jesus to help you give yourself wholeheartedly to your marriage this week.
• Ask Jesus to help change your heart and attitudes towards your spouse this week.
• What are the little choices you can begin making to show your spouse you love them? Try to name five, just as a way of getting yourself thinking about these things.