The Social Outcast:The Social Outcast: Social Exclusion, Rejection and Social Exclusion, Rejection and

Bullying.Bullying.The Educator’s RoleThe Educator’s Role

HILLSIDE PRESSHILLSIDE PRESS

What would you probably do if the following scenario was

taking place in your classroom?

“A student is being repeatedly teased and called unpleasant names by another,

more powerful student, who has successfully persuaded other students

to avoid the targeted person as much as possible. As a result, the victim of this behaviour is feeling angry, miserable

and isolated.”

Please circle the answer closest to what you think.

There are no right or wrong There are no right or wrong answers.answers.

““Without friends no one would Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all choose to live, though he had all

other goods.”other goods.”

- Aristotle- Aristotle

Are social relationships something we actually need or merely find

desirable?

Social Relationships are a Social Relationships are a NeedNeed

• Social connection is a need as basic as air, water and food.

• Social isolation causes pain that is very similar to physical pain.

• The need to belong is a universal one.

Social Relationships Effect Social Relationships Effect Four Important NeedsFour Important Needs

Need to belong

Self-esteem

Perceived control over environment

Meaningful existence

Why Are Peer Relationships Why Are Peer Relationships Necessary?Necessary?

Social practice and learning of social skills.

Social support

Interaction with equals

Time spent with same age peers

Who Is Most at Risk of Being Who Is Most at Risk of Being a Social Outcast?a Social Outcast?

Deficiency in one or more areasLow self-esteem High sensitivity to rejectionInsensitivity to rejectionFamily problems / Parental rejection

Who Is Most at Risk of Being Who Is Most at Risk of Being a Social Outcast?a Social Outcast?

Person-group dissimilarity

- aggression

- shyness

- low achievers

- inattention and/or hyperactivity

The Consequences of The Consequences of Rejection and BullyingRejection and Bullying

threat to four needs

pain and hurt

cognitive and/or behavioral reaction

The Consequences of The Consequences of Rejection and BullyingRejection and Bullying

If the rejection is continual the child will feel:

alienated depressed helpless worthless anxious

The Consequences of The Consequences of Rejection and BullyingRejection and Bullying

Rejected children often react with self-defeating behaviour:

Aggression and/or hostility Dropping out of school (25% vs. 8%) Criminality Social withdrawal

Long Term ConsequencesLong Term Consequences

LonelinessSocial isolationCardiovascular diseaseImmune system problemsIncrease in blood pressureMortalityPsychiatric problems

Who Is Immune to the Effects Who Is Immune to the Effects of Rejection?of Rejection?

Children with at least one friend.Children with a low sensitivity to

rejection.When they are not the only child being

bullied.

Why Don’t These Children Why Don’t These Children Have Social Skills?Have Social Skills?

Unlearnt at home or an inability to “automatically” learn these skills.

The vicious cycle of being rejected as lack of social interaction leads to an inability to learn social skills.

Poor attachment as a baby or parental rejection.

Why Don’t These Children Why Don’t These Children Have Social Skills?Have Social Skills?

Avoidance of social connection in order to protect themselves.

Pre-existing behavioral or emotional problem (learning difficulty and/or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).

What the Educator Can What the Educator Can Do to HelpDo to Help

SCORE YOUR RESPONSES

A. The victim must stand up for him/herself

B. Punish the bully

C. Ignore the problem

D. Problem solving approach

E. Not a serious problem

The Social Outcast will react in one of three ways:

1) Aggressive coping2) Ruminating3) Denial coping

All three are associated with long term maladaptive functioning.

Expect acceptance not rejection

(social detective work)Encourage the development of

friendshipsEncourage extracurricular activitiesEncourage parents to organize

opportunities for the child to socializeBoost self-confidence

TEACHING SOCIAL SKILLSTEACHING SOCIAL SKILLS

Social skills initiate and maintain positive social relationships with others.

Social skills deficits will lead to learning and teaching problems, problems in classroom orchestration and climate.

TEACH POSITIVE INTERACTION TEACH POSITIVE INTERACTION SKILLSSKILLS

Acceptance or Rejection depend on six Acceptance or Rejection depend on six unconscious questions:unconscious questions:

1. Is this person fun?2. Is this person trustworthy?3. Do we influence each other in ways I like?4. Does this person help me achieve my

goals?5. Does this person make me feel good about

myself?6. Is this person similar to me?

FUNFUN

ACCEPTANCE

Humour

Skillful

Cooperative

REJECTION

Mean or aggressive

Bossy

Withdrawn

Low cognitive skills

TRUSTTRUST

ACCEPTANCE

Reliable

Honest

Loyal

REJECTION

Betrayal

Aggression

Dishonest

INFLUENCE IN WAYS I LIKEINFLUENCE IN WAYS I LIKE

ACCEPTANCE

Cooperative

Responsive

REJECTION

Mean or aggressive

Bossy

Rigid or resistant

GOALSGOALS

ACCEPTANCE

Helpful

Cooperative

REJECTION

Disruptive

Impulsive

FEEL GOOD ABOUT FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELFMYSELF

ACCEPTANCE

Supportive

Kind

Responsive

Likes me

REJECTION

Insulting

Non-responsive

Dislikes me

SIMILAR SIMILAR

ACCEPTANCE

Grade

Race

Age

Values and interests

Respects peer conventions

REJECTION

Superior manner

Different values and interests

Handicapped

Social TasksSocial Tasks

Coping with success Dealing with conflict Defending self Coping with failure Staying involved Making a friend

Social TasksSocial Tasks

Sharing / cooperating Sticking up for a friend Coping with rejection Responding to requests Making requests

Social TasksSocial Tasks

Helping others Maintaining a conversation Coping with teasing Being supportive of others

““There is something in staying close to men There is something in staying close to men and women, and looking on them, and in and women, and looking on them, and in

contact and odor of them, that pleases the contact and odor of them, that pleases the soul well…”soul well…”

- Walt Whitman- Walt Whitman

That part of what makes life worth living That part of what makes life worth living is being close to others.is being close to others.

THANK YOUTHANK YOU