The SentinelAmsterdamIntegrity, heart, humour

vol. 4 #10 – 24 May 2011

WAIT FOR ME

FEATURE

TRAvEl

PULSATING MADRIDlIFESTYlESPERSPECTIvESOPINION TECHNOlOGYTRENDSFIlMCARTOONSPORTClASSIFIEDS

02CONTENTS

In this issueFEATURE P. 03

COlOPHON

The Sentinel Amsterdam

e-mail: sentinelpost@gmail.comwebsite: www.thesentinel.eu

The Sentinel Amsterdam does not intentionally include unaccredited photos/illustrations that are subject to copyright. If you consider your copyright to have been infringed, please contact us at sentinelpost@gmail.com.

Editors – Gary Rudland & Denson PierreDesign, realisation and form – Andrei Barburas & No-Office.nlWebmaster – www.sio-bytes.tumblr.comWebhost – Amsterjammin.com

Contributors – Jeff Brush, Maaike Ambags, Ester Eijkmans, Alina Croitoru, Sharmin de Vries, Simon Owusu, Maureen Kamp, David King, Colin Bentley & Dirkje Bakker

Wait for me, Amsterdam

TRAvEl P. .10

Tripping days

HARvEST P. 18

Hope & Ice Saints

TRENDS P. 25 SPORT P. 26 MORE:

Body talk IV – Ears II The Gold Room PERSPECTIvES P. 06Tip-toe through the tulips

TECHNOlOGY P. 16TechBit: Sio-Bytes

STUD MARKS P. 23

FIlM REvIEW P. 24Room 2CCARTOON P. 24

CLASSIFIEDS

‘The three months I spent in Amsterdam came and went a lot faster than I had anticipated’

‘I was also prepared to shoot to kill with plastic guns made out of light yellow electricity pipe’

40° N 43° W ‘Maintain your own garden on as little as a square metre’

FEATURE 03

WAIT FOR ME,

AMsTERDAM

By Jeff Brush

‘Sharing space with two other creatives, there were various sources of input for work and

regular, interesting conversation’

04FEATURE

Having just celebrated Queen’s Day (the Dutch version) here in San Francisco, I can’t help but recall the time I spent in Amsterdam recently. It was just six months ago that I was given the opportunity to be an intern at the Amsterdam graphic design studio called No Office (see: http://thesentinel.eu/edition/Sentinel4-1.pdf). Although I had never before been to Europe, let alone the Netherlands, I quickly accepted the offer and packed my bags.

After travelling fourteen hours and feeling slightly jet lagged, I started my internship at No Office the very next day. The atmosphere there was very relaxed, which was a good thing. Sharing space with two other creatives, there were various sources of input for work and regular, interesting conversation. The vibe felt new and fresh, and I was delegated numerous projects that involved dealing with an array of clients; from non-profit organisations to artist collectives. Even though at times I was lost, due to my minimal understanding of the Dutch language, the work was exciting and my level of interest was fuelled by trying to decipher client meetings and critiques.

A week or so later, I had settled into my new apartment and my jet lag subsided. Only then did I truly begin to enjoy the sensation of living in a foreign country. The ‘routine’ of going to work every day became a comfort and the more familiar I felt with my surroundings, the more I diversified, exploring as much of the city as possible. With the convenience of a sturdy, used city bike, I could

frequent farmer’s markets daily and although occasionally I made a few wrong turns, it wasn’t long before I knew the canals and byways like the back of my hand.

The three months I spent in Amsterdam came and went a lot faster than I had anticipated. Looking back, I now realise how much it became a home away from home to me. Fortunately, I was also able to squeeze in a few weekend trips to neighbouring countries and cities, but coming back to Amsterdam always felt comforting. It was such a great opportunity and privilege to work and live in such an amazing part of the world. I not only broadened my horizons but also made some great friends. I now reside back in San Francisco, California. Having spent almost five years of my life here, I know this city to a point that it could be called my home but I had difficulty in readjusting to my former habits and daily rituals. I began to notice small differences, which combined to result in many of my regular activities losing their appeal

‘As someone who hasn’t been able to travel as much as I would like, I found my experience in Amsterdam to be a small taste of something that I had been missing out on’

‘With the convenience of a sturdy, used city bike, I could frequent farm-er’s markets daily’

FEATURE 05

entirely. Some major differences, such as currency and language, were obvious but they weren’t something I ever took into consideration until I moved back to San Francisco. In Amsterdam, for example, ordering a pint in Dutch was challenging. Finding the appropriate responses and shuffling around in my pocket for the correct change was something that took practice. As a native English-speaking person living in an English-speaking world, I feel grateful for the convenience of not having to rely on a foreign language.

As someone who hasn’t been able to travel as much as I would like, I found my experience in Amsterdam to be a small taste of something that I had been missing out on. Having to adjust myself to different situations was hard, but it kept life fresh and interesting. Conversations were rich, despite the occasional language barrier, and I found myself wanting to meet more new and interesting people.

Although the logistics of moving to a new continent were challenging and expensive, spending a few euros more than I would have liked and struggling here and there was worth it. Amsterdam provided such an interesting selec-tion of things to do and see that I never second guessed splurging on myself or others. Even though Amsterdam isn’t as glamorous as cities like New York or LA, I think its credibility lies in taking the time to enjoy the people you meet and embracing the lifestyle.

After discussing this with friends back home, I wasn’t surprised to find that a lot of San Francisco locals feel the same way. Amsterdam is a city that other cities should look up to, which is also how I feel about San Francisco. Maybe that’s why I originally found myself living here. Similar destinations they may be but there is only one Amsterdam, and I hope to find myself there again someday (soon).

‘Spending a few euros more than I would have liked and struggling here and there was worth it. Amsterdam provided such an interesting selection of things to do and see that I never second guessed splurging on myself or others’

PERSPECTIvES 06

Tip-toe through the

tulips

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like spring. And if such a person does exist, let them come to the Netherlands and have their opinions forever changed. I, for one, adore the spring and feel that it makes any experience, espe-cially out here, inherently poetic. And just to test the lyrical limits of my soul, I decided to visit Keukenhof on one of the last weekends that this ‘Garden of Europe’ still has its gates open to the public. I returned with fresh impressions, a couple of words of advice and a heart full of joy, after a day spent in one of the most colourful and aromatic places I’ve ever come across.

If you’re passing through the Netherlands and you’re into more than opening your mind and wallet in the Red Light Districts, then a visit to the largest fl oral garden in the world is absolutely mandatory. Why lend it so much impor-tance? Because here you can really best understand why Holland is deemed the country of tulips. With a history spanning more than 500 years, the world’s largest fl ower garden (7 million fl ower bulbs planted every year!) opens to the public only once a year, from the end of March until mid-May. In these two months, beauty is transformed from theoretical notion into a practical experience that can leave an impression on you for the rest of your life.

At least, it was like that for me! I feel fully transported to that place and, ever since I came back, have dreamt of it every night. As I’m getting ready to go to bed, 80 acres of park with fl owers covering the entire spectrum of colours gently waving in the breeze are rolling under my closed eyelids. Over tulip petals as heavy as seagull wings, the sun sets suavely, brewing lights and shadows of other-worldly beauty. Secular trees, beneath which fl owers are dancing in the breeze, are holding up the skies on their branches, protecting this patch of heaven on earth from the envious glare of the angels. And it’s not just in my dreams; you can experiment with it for yourself!

There is a lot to see out there, so plan accordingly if you want to try everything in one day. Make sure you include a boat trip around the garden so you can see the tulip

PERSPECTIvES 07

By Alina Croitoru

‘A history spanning more than 500 years, the world’s largest fl ower garden (7 million fl ower bulbs planted every year!)

opens to the public only once a year’

‘Secular trees are holding up the skies on their branches,

protecting this patch of heaven on earth from the envious glare

of the angels’

harvests in all their splendour. You will fi nd yourself right at the source of those fl owers you surely must have bought at least once, wherever you might been in the world at the time (Holland is by far the biggest cut fl ower exporter in the world).

You can also choose to take a relaxing walk along one of the park’s many alleys, admiring both the nature and the exhibited artworks. If you’re tired, take a few moments to relax on a bench tucked in between bushes of multi-coloured, perfumed fl owers, arranged like huge bouquets. Time for a breather? How about sipping on a cup of fresh mint tea at one of the cafés while listening to the happy, upbeat, chirping song of birds hidden amongst the trees overhead? Whatever you decide, in such a place, it’s defi nitely going to be the right choice.

It takes less than an hour to realise that, even if only a few kilometres away there’s a huge international airport and a capital bursting with modern civilization, natural beauty exists here as it did hundreds of years ago. If you’re looking for a truly perfect experience, then it’s best to avoid going there during the weekend. The place is packed with tourists hunting for the picture-perfect spot, proving once more that we’re living in digitalised times, where

the concrete reality is slowly becoming a way of enriching our virtual existences. A visit here is, for many, a facile instrument of self-branding, a ton of wonderful pictures to upload to Facebook. The kids are the only ones that seem to fully enjoy this place without any goals to achieve other than the experience itself. Chasing one another on the grassy paths, playing hide-and-seek in fl owering bushes taller than them, kids fi t perfectly in this natural pastiche and offer a lesson on what it really means to enjoy yourself. They don’t grow tired or bored.

It’s worth it to arrive in the morning and to stay until closing time, at around 6.30pm. It’s worth it to go along with a loved one, to enjoy the Keukenhof experience for an entire day. You can also take a good book, if you wish, but you might not get to open it – there are so many things to see! If you really insist on leaving with classical memories, make sure you have plenty of battery life in your camera, or pass by the souvenir shops located near the exit to grab as much evidence of your passing through as you can.

But whatever you do, don’t forget to take something better than a hurried photographic snapshot: your soul, which surpasses any camera, any lens, any photographic tech-nique. Use it above all else to enjoy Keukenhof!

PERSPECTIvES 08

‘You will fi nd yourself right at the source of those fl owers you surely must have bought at least once’

PERSPECTIvES 09

‘The kids are the only ones that seem to fully enjoy this place without any goals to achieve other than the experience itself’

10TRAvEl

Pulsating Madrid

By Sharmin de Vries

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If you’re looking for a long weekend break in a vibrant city that oozes history and actually has decent weather for a large chunk of the year, Madrid is the place to be. Stepping out of the hotel in Gran Via, in the heart of the city, was like stepping out of a nightclub after a glorious night out, with the beat still play-ing in your head. Madrid is a ‘real city’, with a real subway, majestic looking buildings, broad 18th-century boulevards and, of course, plenty of Mediterranean flair. So much so that most people in this capital city seem not to speak a word of English. So either be prepared or just let it happen, Madrid is worth it.

A leisurely break it certainly was not, Madrid is serious business and if you want to experience the city’s splendour fully you have to be prepared to walk and then some. Gran Via is an excellent place to start. It leads you to the most central square in the city, Puerta del Sol. An absolute eye catcher with its Casa de Correos clock tower, traditionally used to ring in the New Year. Just a hop, skip and jump away is Madrid’s famous ham museum, Museo de Jamon, where hundreds of hams hang from the ceiling of this bustling tapas bar. Even if you’re not a pork fan, it can be a spectacle.

Next up it’s time to venture out to the heart of imperial Madrid; we are talking about one of the most historic cities in Europe, after all. So, 17th-century Plaza de Mayor is not to be missed. I never tire of looking up at the majestic arcaded buildings, rising tall and steep, or the tapas bars circling the square. It is the perfect setting to take in the night and continue to marvel at the historic architecture, while enjoying a fine selection of tapas and some vino tinto.

Madrid provides more than ample ambiance so it’s easy to overlook a few culinary mishaps. One restaurant, however, ended up being extremely underwhelming. Sobrino de Bo-tin, the world’s oldest restaurant (opened in 1725), turned

out to be nothing but an expensive tourist trap, albeit with a great ambiance. Some of the dishes were undercooked and the vegetables looked and tasted like they were as old as the restaurant. I guess the supply/demand balance has tipped the wrong way over the years.

This can all be overlooked, of course, if you love a good combination of history, culture and art. There is simply no better place to find all three of these ingredients than the fabulous and renowned Museo del Prado. One of the big-gest art museums in the world, its collection of masterpiec-es by the likes of Velásquez, El Greco and Goya, to name but a few, is more than impressive. You need to spend a good few hours to take everything in, but it’s worth it. By far one of the best museums I have ever visited. If you still have the time and energy left, the royal palace and Park de Retiro (which is huge) are must-see places.

After a jam-packed, four-day trip of sightseeing and walk-ing, which is more or less what I did, exhaustion started to kick in. So I rounded off my trip with a visit to Circulo de Bellas Artes, a major multidisciplinary centre with lots of cultural programmes, an art gallery and a cinema. Not to start exploring even more works of arts or other cultural phenomena, but to sit in their beautiful cafe and enjoy the splendid interior. I’m talking 1920s-style ceilings, chande-liers, artistic statues and soaring pillars. Like I said before, Madrid is serious business.

‘Most people in this capital city seem not to speak a word of English. So either be prepared or just let it happen, Madrid is worth it’

‘If you love a good combination of history, culture and art. There is simply no better place to find all three of these ingredients than the fabulous and renowned Museo del Prado’

12TRAvEl

‘Museo de Jamon, where hundreds of hams hang from the ceiling of this bustling tapas bar. Even if you’re not a pork fan, it can be a spectacle’

‘I never tire of looking up at the majestic arcaded buildings, rising tall and steep, or the tapas bars circling the square’

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14

CZECH REPUBLIC - STUNNINGLY DIFFERENT!

www.czechtourism.com

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1715TRAvEl

TECHNOlOGY 16

‘Everything you capture is organised automatically for you and the information is indexed and made searchable.’

TECHNOlOGY 17

How would you like a personal assistant to manage your life? Following you around, tak-ing notes, capturing your thoughts, remem-bering your ideas and organising your ‘things to do’ on a daily basis. Have you ever noted the amount of time you spend organising your information and how time-consuming it is, together with how difficult it is to search through all of it to find something quickly? Would it not be much easier if you could give all those activities to someone else who is more experienced, faster and much better equipped to sort and search through a huge amount of information quickly and easily, without having to remember an elaborate filing system of how, where and when you did what to this or that piece of information?

Well, technology is here to help and this is where I drop my usual dime of an application to achieve something great. There are a number of well-meaning productivity applications around to accomplish all the aforementioned, but my current weapon of choice is Evernote (http://www.evernote.com). And, yes, the pun at the beginning of this article was intended!

Evernote is like a digital personal assistant with a huge fil-ing cabinet. It remembers everything, captures anything, is accessible from anywhere and allows you to search for things quickly and easily. It is secure and synchronises all your information from ‘the cloud’ to your multiple computers and smart-phones, and it is also accessible via a web browser on an internet-enabled device.

Evernote has three modes of operation: Capture, Organise and Find. You can capture meeting notes, create a to-do list, record voice memos, record content from the internet and save random bits of information, amongst other things. Everything you capture is organised automatically

for you and the information is indexed and made search-able. This includes documents, images and printed or handwritten notes that you have scanned or photographed with a camera. Yes, hand-written text in your photos is searchable, as well as the contents of pdf files! Throw in all your documents, spreadsheets and pdfs and maintain them all in one location.

Evernote’s elaborate filing system allows you to find anything you need in an instant, using keywords, titles and tags that you can create and assign to your informa-tion. For instance, that picture saved as DSC00757.JPG can be tagged with keywords like ‘Holiday’, ‘Beach’ and ‘Australia’, and a search using any of these keywords will locate that image. You don’t have to remember the file name or location. Tag all your business receipts with a keyword like ‘VAT’ and completing your tax return at the end of the fiscal year will be a breeze, by just searching for items with that tag.

The applications for Evernote are endless. Just imagine capturing all your recipes and searching through them by simply typing in an ingredient. Take a snapshot of your itinerary, plane and hotel confirmation documents and save them under a single keyword for your business trip; you can even use Evernote while researching information for that book you are always telling everyone you will eventually write.

As a smart-phone application, Evernote allows you to carry all this information in your pocket. The web ver-sion means you don’t even need to carry around such a device to have access to your content. Gone are the days of writing notes on the back of a cigarette packet or beer mat that will eventually fall behind the sofa or get washed with your jeans on laundry day. As an application itself, Evernote integrates seamlessly into your system and web browser, allowing you to send information to your Evernote library at a click of a button. You will truly wonder how you ever managed to stay on top of everything without Evernote. Oh, and did I mention that it’s free?

By Simon Owusu

TechBit: sio-Bytes

Productivity Management

HARvEST

Many Amsterdam citizens have nice balconies and roof terraces but hardly any know how to maintain or revive a basic lavender plant. Wouldn’t it be nice to have your own little green spot on your balcony or roof terrace? There is hope! We will advise you monthly in The Sentinel on how to cherish selected basic and potted plants with little effort and so maintain your own garden on as little as a square metre. But above all we aim to inspire you with all the green gadgets you can imag-ine and pictures taken at unexpected spots across Amsterdam. We are Pluk Amsterdam, which means ‘Pick Amsterdam’ but implies ‘carpe diem’ (pluk de dag)!

It is almost June, which means you can breathe easily again: it is the period after the IJsheiligen! Are you famil-iar with what the Dutch (Europeans) call the ‘Ice Saints’?

Our grandparents would always emphasise that only after the days of the IJsheiligen would fl owering plants survive outside. De IJsheiligen are four saint’s days from 11-14 May. These are believed to be the last possible nights for frost until late autumn. Night frost is very harmful to fl owering plants.

So, now that 14 May is happily behind us, we can safely start on some overwhelming fl owering balconies! Buy a geranium or a petunia. These are two very easy plants to manage with excessive red, purple and pink fl owers. For maintenance, just two important tips: pick away the dead fl owers including the whole stalk; by doing this you will encourage new blossoms. Remember to water them daily as this is really the secret to having a happy fl ower-ing plant, but also the biggest challenge for many busy Amsterdam residents!

Good luck!

www.plukamsterdam.nl

18

Hope & Ice saints

‘Buy a geranium or a petunia. These are two very easy plants to manage with ex-

cessive red, purple and pink fl owers’By Ester & Maaike

ClASSIFIEDS 19

Amsterdam is the city where I have lived since 2004. I feel great over here! I started my own business and I am very happy about it. This is the link: www.yourtuliptour.com Your Tulip Tour offers you the possibility to see touristic Amsterdam as well as the intimate and well guarded secrets of the city. Your tour will be tailored to your interests and you will receive personalised attention from the moment of your initial contact to the end of your tour.

Your Tulip Tour

‘Amsterdam is the city where I have lived since 2004. I feel great over here!’

Amsterdam es la ciudad en la que vivo desde hace ya mas de cuatro años. Una ciudad muy especial...Una ciudad que me ha brindado muchas oportunidades, hasta la de crear mi propia empresa! www.yourtuliptour.com Me dedico hacer tours a pie por Amsterdam, tengo mi propia. Your Tulip Tour te ofrece la posibilidad de ver la Ámsterdam turística, pero también la más íntima y desconocida, incluso por los mismos habitantes de la ciudad. Tu tour estará confeccionado de acuerdo a tus intereses y recibirás una atención personalizada desde el momento en que lo solicites hasta que lo realices. Todas las visitas a la ciudad son efectuadas por Meri Simon quien seguro que podrá satisfacer toda clase de preguntas y respuestas para los turistas más exigentes.

Neem contact met ons op

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Appartement | Studio | Penthouse

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Wegens het groeiende aantal expats

is er grote vraag naar

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Multiwonen Verhuur Makelaars adviseert en bemiddelt bij het huren en verhuren van

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ClASSIFIEDS 20

With the growing number of expats there is great demand for private rental accommodation.

Contact us for an informal chat

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Multiwonen offers each type of accommodation

Multiwonen property rental agents advise and arrange the rental of accommodation through their offi ces in Amsterdam and Den Haag. Mutiwonen strives to better the working practices within the property sector through offering clear advice and encour-aging high client involvement. Housing is a primary human need. We therefore place the highest quality demands on ourselves to ensure that you receive the best advice.

ClASSIFIEDSClASSIFIEDS 21

F I N A N C I A L P L A N N I N G F O R A B R I G H T E R F U T U R E

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22ClASSIFIEDS

SETTING THE RIGHT TONE

In the current economic climate, getting the appropriate message across to the correct target group has never been more important.

In addition to being co-editor of The Sentinel, Gary Rudland has been a freelance English writer, editor and translator (Dutch-English) for well over a decade.

During this time, my client list has come to read like a who’s who of the Dutch and inter-national business world and includes KLM, Stork, Endemol, PPG, Spyker Cars, Holiday on

Ice, IBM, ING Real Estate, Erasmus University Rotterdam, NEC Philips, Elsevier, Rabobank, Canon Europe, Center Parcs Europe and Efteling.

My work involves writing, editing and translating articles, advertisements, website texts, press releases, brochures, leaflets, direct mailings and advertorials.

If you are having trouble finding the right tone or the right supplier for texts such as these, please contact:

Gary Rudland Tel. +31 20 4121920 Email: g.rudland@telfort.nl

A new fun SundAy evening option for thoSe in AmSterdAm!

Contact Dave at:www.odonnellsirishpub.comfor more details on future competition dates.

Standing champs: Team - House Whine

Dave’s Quiz!IntellIgent, IntenSe & InternatIonal

come and play...

And just as I was wrapping this up, I came across a player that I had completely overlooked all season! With this column already written and the deadline being yesterday, there was only one thing I could do: go back to ‘draft A’… Johan Elmander, forward {photo} Tall, blond, hot and very good at football.

stud marksBy Maureen Kamp

I like men. I like football and I like talking about football. And I like talking about men. So, when I was asked to write about these things in The Sentinel, I thought ‘why not’?

But away from the noisy pub, with no beer, no longer surrounded by girlfriends and with just a blank page in front of me, all of a sudden it all sounded very uninterest-ing: nice hair, nice abs, nice tattoos, etc. And with an editor boyfriend literally and literarily checking my every word, it soon became apparent that ‘draft A’ wasn’t going to cut it.

To avoid being called shallow, predictable or boring, I had to come up with something rather more interesting. A bit of a story, maybe. And so Wikipedia became my daily literature and I even managed to sit through a couple of games without talking through them, hoping to pick up some useful facts good enough to spice up my column a bit.

And that’s how ‘draft B’, the current set-up, came to life. And by providing my readers with lots of interesting bits and bobs it also meant that my own conversations about football were brought to a higher level, weaving in all this new-found knowledge about Greek mythology, plant-ing peas and Belgian colonialism.

But with the football season almost over, how did I do? After all, it wasn’t just about any men; they were also, of course, a competing team in the FFL. Well, I must conclude, in all honesty, that my Stud Marks XI team was utter rubbish and I’m now convinced that good-looking players are only on the pitch to make football more watchable for women.

23COlUMN

IntellIgent, IntenSe & InternatIonal

‘With the football season almost over, how did I do? After all, it wasn’t just about any men.’

Room 2cfilmBy David King

Scrooged (1988)

We all have a film, or two, that we revisit time and time again, and here is mine. I present to you my favourite film of all time: Scrooged.

Re-working Dickens’ ‘A Christ-mas Carol’, the movie stars the awesome Bill Murray as a TV executive who is visited by ghosts, trying to sort out his wayward life. Any film that can make you laugh and cry throughout is worth it and, boy, I’m Niagara Falls at the end. Merry Christmas, everyone!

FIlM REvIEW 24

CartoonBy Colin Bentley

I don’t like to bring it up but that guy’s shirt looks awful.

Well, it certainly looks like somethingyou would bring up.

25TRENDS

Have you ever read a fantasy book called ‘Lord of the Rings’? Well I have, a few times, and as a child I remember imagining that I was hiding from trolls or slaying huge spiders in the backyard of my parent’s house (the spiders were really quite big!). I was also prepared to shoot to kill with plastic guns made out of light yellow electricity pipe, to try to climb walls using something sticky like Spiderman or to gather all of my friends together in an X-Men-like final battle with buildings flying, thunder and explosions all around.

Some adults resist paying good money to plastic surgeons but go to individuals calling themselves body sculptors (he, he!) to make their ears look like those of the Vulcans of Star Trek fame or the elves of Tolkien and Jackson’s movies – thanks a lot to Orlando Bloom and his make-up artists. Is he too pretty or are they too skilled? Orlando, of course, kept his real ears totally intact and in their original state, and went on to do other things.

Now if elfin ears could really give me magical powers, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second. Who wouldn’t want to hear things from miles away or be able to do some interesting magical tricks? Sign me up! I would also like some adamantium fingernails, the ability to fly and the physique of one of those Star Trek female officers (Seven of Nine or T’Pol), rather than just the funny ears. Hmmm, or the ability to never need sleep, to play football like Messi, to move around the universe using thought only and to create world peace whenever I feel like it.

By Dirkje Bakker

Body talk IV: Ears II

The actual procedure involves slitting open the cartilage at the top of the ears and sewing them back together to create a pointy effect, which means that it isn’t reversible. I wonder what one should call a fake plastic surgeon who performs these feats of cosmetic modification; a ‘Miracle Doctor’? A ‘Fun-ergeon’? An ‘as long as you pay me I don’t have an opinion guy’?

A quote from one of the three dimensional artists making these dreams come true: “There’s a lot of people out there who have an inner vision of themselves and they want to express that to the world around them.”

The cost: US$600 for both ears with the added bonus that he can’t use anaesthetic on his pixie patients, because he’s not an actual doctor. It could also be because actual doctors know that altering such important body parts can result in major deformities and infection that could entirely destroy the ear within days.

‘I would also like some adamantium fingernails, the ability to fly and the physique of one of those Star Trek female officers’

26SPORT

Robert Huth

SPORT 27

Many real-world commentators have been too quick to condemn this season as not being of particularly good vintage. These profes-sionals are not, of course, preoccupied with matters fantasy football-related, where all the unpredictability, disappointing performances and changing fortunes have meant that the bluff and gamble involved in successfully navigating a way to the golden envelope have remained lively right up to the very last weeks of the competition. It has been a great season in the FFG-CL with at least half the managers, at one time or other, having positioned them-selves with a chance of becoming champion!

A standing ovation goes to Marijke Nalis, who has guided The Lipstick FC to certain victory in five days time. Her impending coronation has been fuelled by consistent to outstanding midfield performances and Carlitos Tevez. The vital and timely edge, however, was her acquisition of Robert Huth (Stoke City) just as he got going with his extraordinary run of goals (9) and culminating in an FA Cup final appearance. Defenders score 8 points per goal in the FFG-CL, as well as points for clean sheets, as opposed to strikers, who score just 4 points per goal.

Marijke and her partner can now look forward to enjoying

their traditional summer escape to Greece with extra pen-nies earned in the golden envelope, which will take them farther in the strained and depreciated Greek holiday market. We can rest assured that her frustration about losing out last year by just a solitary point, on the very last day, is now happily placated!

What has been proven by both Marijke and Gijs Smeets this term is that it is possible to win this competition, or do very well, using players who simply perform week upon week, rather than over indulging on boulevard signings. Craig Gardner (Birmingham City) and Charlie Adam (Blackpool) helped Gijs to re-emerge from his slumber at the turn of the year to rise to within touching distance of the lead at the crucial stage in April, only to have Marijke pull away again at the very end. Close is good but not quite good enough. Gijs will win back his entry fee for achieving second place and will strive to improve by one position in the 2011-2012 season.

All the managers in here applaud Marijke again and say goodbye to Joe O’Brien who has been relegated back to the Sentinel Fantasy Football League. The remaining eight look on as Steven Fockema-Andreae wins promotion to the FFG-CL. We look forward to his tactical input next season, aimed at dislodging Marijke from her deserved position, for the following year, as the monarch of Fantasy Football Gold – Champions League.

By Denson Pierre

The Gold Room

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