The Sense of The Sense of StructureStructure

Writing From the Writing From the Reader’s PerspectiveReader’s PerspectiveBy George D. GopenBy George D. Gopen

Benjamin LokBenjamin Lok

9/21/069/21/06

OutlineOutline

Why should this interest me?Why should this interest me? Gopen’s ApproachGopen’s Approach SentencesSentences ParagraphsParagraphs SummarySummary

Who would benefit from this Who would benefit from this talk/book?talk/book?

Writers of technical papers and Writers of technical papers and proposalsproposals

Writers who write X, but get Writers who write X, but get reviewers that complain of Yreviewers that complain of Y

Writers for whom English is not a Writers for whom English is not a primary languageprimary language

ApproachApproach

The problem with writing is that:The problem with writing is that: We have an idea XWe have an idea X We write down a set of words We write down a set of words ww Mentally we associate Mentally we associate ww -> X -> X When we ‘proofread’ When we ‘proofread’ ww, we mentally get X, we mentally get X

Because of the associationBecause of the association Not necessarily because Not necessarily because ww -> X -> X

How can we solve this?How can we solve this? We can’tWe can’t

ApproachApproach

However, we can try to raise the However, we can try to raise the percentage chancepercentage chance that a reader will that a reader will associate associate ww->X->X

By understanding what readers By understanding what readers comprehend when reading comprehend when reading ww

Note: This means that some people Note: This means that some people will still believe will still believe ww!->X!->X

Gopen’s ApproachGopen’s Approach Study writing from the Study writing from the reader’s reader’s perspectiveperspective

Fewer rules!Fewer rules! Example:Example:

In the second study, people performed the task twice.In the second study, people performed the task twice. Study participants, in the second study, twice performed Study participants, in the second study, twice performed

the task..the task.. From the From the reader’s perspectivereader’s perspective, which sentence gave , which sentence gave

us more information?us more information? Why?Why? While we’ve been taught writing While we’ve been taught writing rules rules are paramount, it are paramount, it

really is secondary in impacting what the user really is secondary in impacting what the user comprehends.comprehends.

So what is primary?So what is primary? Not word choice.Not word choice. Word order!Word order! 85% word order, 15% word choice85% word order, 15% word choice

EmphasisEmphasis Although Fred is a nice guy, he beats his dog.Although Fred is a nice guy, he beats his dog.

#4#4 Although Fred beats his dog, he’s a nice guy.Although Fred beats his dog, he’s a nice guy.

#1#1 Fred is a nice guy, but he beats his dog.Fred is a nice guy, but he beats his dog.

#3#3 Fred beat his dog, but he’s a nice guy.Fred beat his dog, but he’s a nice guy.

#2#2 Evaluate: Stress point, and Evaluate: Stress point, and

dependent/independent clausesdependent/independent clauses Important things to consider:Important things to consider:

Dog lovers always hate FredDog lovers always hate Fred You can make Fred unlikableYou can make Fred unlikable

CarrotCarrot

Confidence Confidence - the message you are - the message you are writing will be the same message the writing will be the same message the reader is readingreader is reading

Efficiency Efficiency - spend - spend lessless time with your time with your writingwriting

Persuasion Persuasion - subtly shape reader’s - subtly shape reader’s perceptionsperceptions

Tools not rules.Tools not rules. You won’t be forced You won’t be forced to memorize anything!to memorize anything!

Motivating ExamplesMotivating Examples Gopen is a writing instructor and consultantGopen is a writing instructor and consultant Studies what people Studies what people perceiveperceive when the read a when the read a

passage.passage. Example: Which is correct?Example: Which is correct?

A. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake, which is A. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake, which is broken.broken.

B. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake which is B. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake which is broken.broken.

C. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake that is C. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake that is broken.broken.

D. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake, which is D. Please go out to the garage and bring me the rake, which is broken.broken.

Answer:Answer: A&C grammatically correct, B&D grammatically A&C grammatically correct, B&D grammatically

wrongwrong The issue? The which/that rule is hard to rememberThe issue? The which/that rule is hard to remember

One Motivating ExampleOne Motivating Example

Example 2: Which is correct?Example 2: Which is correct? My sister, who plays the violin, is visiting me this My sister, who plays the violin, is visiting me this

summersummer My sister who plays the violin is visiting me this My sister who plays the violin is visiting me this

summersummer What is the difference?What is the difference? What does this tell us about the writer/reader What does this tell us about the writer/reader

relationship?relationship? Ahh, the writer already KNOWS how many sisters Ahh, the writer already KNOWS how many sisters

he/she hashe/she has ““Filling in the ignorant reader” is the academic Filling in the ignorant reader” is the academic

task of the writertask of the writer No!No!

SentencesSentences

A sentence by itself is:A sentence by itself is: Rarely good nor badRarely good nor bad Neither correct nor wrongNeither correct nor wrong E.g. stick a sentence in from the E.g. stick a sentence in from the

Gettysburg Address into Dr. King’s “I Gettysburg Address into Dr. King’s “I have a Dream” speechhave a Dream” speech

What matters?What matters? Context CountsContext Counts Word Order countsWord Order counts

Links to Movies/SongsLinks to Movies/Songs

You attend a concert. Freeze a moment You attend a concert. Freeze a moment in time about 15 minutes into the concert. in time about 15 minutes into the concert. What do you expect in the next minute? What do you expect in the next minute?

Movies – Movies – Watchers/Listeners/READERS have Watchers/Listeners/READERS have

expectationsexpectations If you break expectationsIf you break expectations

They get confused (the muddled feeling you get)They get confused (the muddled feeling you get) They distrust you (this is difficult to recover from)They distrust you (this is difficult to recover from)

Reader Expectations of a Reader Expectations of a SentenceSentence

Word Order Counts!Word Order Counts! Talk welcome this toTalk welcome this to Welcome to this talkWelcome to this talk

Why?Why? Reader expects certain conventionsReader expects certain conventions Readers of English expect that the Readers of English expect that the

action of a sentence will be action of a sentence will be articulated by its verbarticulated by its verb

Therefore: Therefore: always make sure that the always make sure that the verb of a sentence is the verb of a sentence is the action action of what of what are you saying.are you saying.

Reader Expectations of a Reader Expectations of a SentenceSentence

Readers of English expect that the action Readers of English expect that the action of a sentence will be articulated by its verbof a sentence will be articulated by its verb

Therefore: Therefore: always make sure that the verb of a always make sure that the verb of a sentence is the sentence is the action action of what are you saying.of what are you saying.

Note what is perceived from the following:Note what is perceived from the following: What would be the student reaction accorded the What would be the student reaction accorded the

imposition of such a requirement?imposition of such a requirement? How would the students react to such a How would the students react to such a

requirement?requirement? How would the students react if the Dean imposed How would the students react if the Dean imposed

the new requirement?the new requirement? The main question is: what is the authors The main question is: what is the authors

intent? This is formalized by the verbintent? This is formalized by the verb

Reader Expectations of a Reader Expectations of a SentenceSentence

Readers of English expect that the action Readers of English expect that the action of a sentence will be articulated by its verbof a sentence will be articulated by its verb

Persuasion example:Persuasion example: We are firing you because you failed to meet your We are firing you because you failed to meet your

sales quota, as required by clause IV(b) of your sales quota, as required by clause IV(b) of your employment contract.employment contract.

Discontinuation of your employment contract has Discontinuation of your employment contract has become necessary because of noncompliance with become necessary because of noncompliance with clause IV(b).clause IV(b).

Which is easier to take? For everyone? How Which is easier to take? For everyone? How much easier? Is their a ceiling/floor?much easier? Is their a ceiling/floor?

Whose Story is This Whose Story is This Anyways?Anyways?

Readers expect the a clause will tell the Readers expect the a clause will tell the story of whoever or whatever shows up firststory of whoever or whatever shows up first

Why?Why? The mind synthesizes words The mind synthesizes words as they arriveas they arrive

The order of arrival significantly affects synthesisThe order of arrival significantly affects synthesis Example: Jack loves Jill.Example: Jack loves Jill. What does the reader process?What does the reader process? What about:What about:

Jill is loved by JackJill is loved by Jack The point is when starting a sentence, ask The point is when starting a sentence, ask

yourself: yourself: Who is the story about?Who is the story about? What else does this imply:What else does this imply:

You shouldn’t wait to tell the reader the subjectYou shouldn’t wait to tell the reader the subject

What are you waiting What are you waiting for?for?

Readers expect the grammatical Readers expect the grammatical subject to be followed almost subject to be followed almost immediately by the grammatical verbimmediately by the grammatical verb

Ex. The combination of such confidence in Ex. The combination of such confidence in understanding situations and such understanding situations and such unwillingness – or perhaps inability – to unwillingness – or perhaps inability – to step forward and be assertive was step forward and be assertive was completely new to hercompletely new to her

Completely new to her was the Completely new to her was the combination of such confidence in combination of such confidence in understanding situations and such understanding situations and such unwillingness – or perhaps inability -- to unwillingness – or perhaps inability -- to be step forward an be assertive.be step forward an be assertive.

What are you waiting What are you waiting for?for?

Readers expect the grammatical subject to Readers expect the grammatical subject to be followed almost immediately by the be followed almost immediately by the grammatical verbgrammatical verb

Make the first word is the subjectMake the first word is the subject Make what the subject does the second Make what the subject does the second

wordword A side effect: If you don’t readers will A side effect: If you don’t readers will

less likely remember what you place less likely remember what you place between a subject and verb!between a subject and verb!

Example: Participants, in the second study, Example: Participants, in the second study, took twice as long to complete the task as took twice as long to complete the task as those in the first study.those in the first study.

A reminder… so what?A reminder… so what?

So what if I don’t follow these So what if I don’t follow these guidelines?guidelines?

SUBJECT VERB…SUBJECT VERB…

??

Save the Best for LastSave the Best for Last Humans like to save the best for lastHumans like to save the best for last Like eating! Dessert is last!Like eating! Dessert is last! Tool:Tool: Readers of English expect the material Readers of English expect the material

most to be emphasized in the sentence will most to be emphasized in the sentence will appear at a moment of full syntactic closure, appear at a moment of full syntactic closure, called a Stress Point (SP).called a Stress Point (SP).

Corollary: Readers of English expect that Corollary: Readers of English expect that every Stress position will be filled with every Stress position will be filled with material intended to receive significant material intended to receive significant emphasis.emphasis.

Ex. Jack loves JillEx. Jack loves Jill What do we expect is the author’s main point?What do we expect is the author’s main point? What do we expect to follow?What do we expect to follow?

Emphasis ExampleEmphasis Example I went downtown yesterday, and I had a car I went downtown yesterday, and I had a car

accident.accident. Weird that both seem equivalent!Weird that both seem equivalent!

I went downtown yesterday. I had a car accident.I went downtown yesterday. I had a car accident. Both are equivalent, and the author clearly intended it.Both are equivalent, and the author clearly intended it.

When I went downtown yesterday, I had a car When I went downtown yesterday, I had a car accident.accident. Car accident is most important.Car accident is most important.

Downtown yesterday, I had a car accident.Downtown yesterday, I had a car accident. Car accident is by far the most important.Car accident is by far the most important.

When I had the car accident yesterday, I was When I had the car accident yesterday, I was downtown.downtown. Being downtown was the most important part.Being downtown was the most important part.

Again, order matters, not word choice.Again, order matters, not word choice.

SummarySummary

Word order is importantWord order is important Subject should be the first wordSubject should be the first word Verb should followVerb should follow Stress point should in the last part of Stress point should in the last part of

the sentence.the sentence. Foreshadowing: You can manipulate Foreshadowing: You can manipulate

the reader!!!the reader!!!

Another Emphasis Another Emphasis ExampleExample

Please Score: 0-100:Please Score: 0-100: Overall, although the proposal is scientifically Overall, although the proposal is scientifically

sound, the preliminary results are not sound, the preliminary results are not persuasive.persuasive.

Although the preliminary results are not Although the preliminary results are not persuasive, overall this proposal is scientifically persuasive, overall this proposal is scientifically sound.sound.

Overall, this proposal is scientifically sound, but Overall, this proposal is scientifically sound, but the preliminary results are not persuasive.the preliminary results are not persuasive.

The preliminary results are not persuasive, but The preliminary results are not persuasive, but overall this proposal is scientifically sound.overall this proposal is scientifically sound.

Avg scores 30, 70, 40, 60.Avg scores 30, 70, 40, 60.

Topic PositionTopic Position

Tool: Readers expect the Tool: Readers expect the material at the beginning of a material at the beginning of a sentence to provide a connection sentence to provide a connection backward to the previous backward to the previous sentence.sentence.

Look at a paragraph’s topic Look at a paragraph’s topic positions!positions!

Backward-Linking old information + Backward-Linking old information + Whose story = CONTEXTWhose story = CONTEXT

Subject->SP relationshipSubject->SP relationship ToolTool: Readers expect the material at the : Readers expect the material at the

beginning of a sentence to contextualize beginning of a sentence to contextualize them for the new and important material them for the new and important material to be presented later in the sentence.to be presented later in the sentence.

ToolTool: Readers form that context by : Readers form that context by answer two questions: (1) Whose story is answer two questions: (1) Whose story is this? And (2) How does this sentence link this? And (2) How does this sentence link backward to the sentence before it?backward to the sentence before it?

How am I to use this to help me write?How am I to use this to help me write? ToolTool: Make sure that your subject and stress : Make sure that your subject and stress

points in a paragraph are connected!points in a paragraph are connected!

Paragraphs connect Paragraphs connect sentencessentences

Eg. Asbestos insulation installers who Eg. Asbestos insulation installers who have inhaled asbestos fibers over a have inhaled asbestos fibers over a period of many years regularly contract period of many years regularly contract these diseases.these diseases.

What is the most important things?What is the most important things? Could be installers, asbestos fibers, Could be installers, asbestos fibers,

insulation, over a period of many yearsinsulation, over a period of many years You control things. AND the reader You control things. AND the reader

expects things (SP). expects things (SP). If you don’t the odds of them picking up on If you don’t the odds of them picking up on

what you meant drop considerablywhat you meant drop considerably

But it feels too But it feels too restrictive!restrictive!

You can add phrases, etc. however You can add phrases, etc. however you just need to know how they will you just need to know how they will be perceivedbe perceived

Boredom does not rise from structure, Boredom does not rise from structure, but from contentbut from content

Lots of freedom!Lots of freedom! If your Topic and Stress points are If your Topic and Stress points are

full of stupid and boring things, full of stupid and boring things, perhaps your idea is too.perhaps your idea is too.

Take Home PointsTake Home Points

Write most sentences as:Write most sentences as: Subject -> Verb ->Stress PointSubject -> Verb ->Stress Point

Whose Story – Action – StressWhose Story – Action – Stress

Take Home PointsTake Home Points ParagraphParagraph

The *point* of your paragraph should be in the first The *point* of your paragraph should be in the first two sentences (almost always)two sentences (almost always)

The point of your entire paper should be at the end The point of your entire paper should be at the end of the first paragraphof the first paragraph

Subject1 -> Verb1 ->Stress Point1. Subject2 -> Subject1 -> Verb1 ->Stress Point1. Subject2 -> Verb2 ->Stress Point2. Verb2 ->Stress Point2.

Stress Point1 should be clearly related to Stress Point1 should be clearly related to Subject2.Subject2.

Controlling movement->controlling thoughtControlling movement->controlling thought Controlling the whose story let’s you say what is Controlling the whose story let’s you say what is

the ‘star’ of the text. Controlling the stress points the ‘star’ of the text. Controlling the stress points means you control what is important.means you control what is important.

Bad AdviceBad Advice Myth: “Write the way you speak”Myth: “Write the way you speak”

Speaking has more information (verbal/nonverbal cues)Speaking has more information (verbal/nonverbal cues) Instead: “Write the way your readers read”Instead: “Write the way your readers read” Myth: “To see if your writing is good, read it out Myth: “To see if your writing is good, read it out

loud”loud” You only reinforce the w->X linkage, not whether someone You only reinforce the w->X linkage, not whether someone

will comprehend w->Xwill comprehend w->X Myth: “To make it better, make it shorter”Myth: “To make it better, make it shorter”

Longer sentences are harder to Longer sentences are harder to writewrite, not , not readread!! Myth: “Avoid the verb Myth: “Avoid the verb to be to be and other weak verbs”and other weak verbs”

Verbs gain meaning through context. This is more importantVerbs gain meaning through context. This is more important Myth: “Vary the way you begin sentences to keep Myth: “Vary the way you begin sentences to keep

your reader interested”your reader interested” Linkages, plus beginning of a sentence is just too important Linkages, plus beginning of a sentence is just too important

for variety sake. What is the role of your writing?for variety sake. What is the role of your writing?

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Remember: Writing is a Remember: Writing is a partpart of the of the thinking process.thinking process.