The Self-Worth Key: The Essential Tool to

The Self-Worth Key: The Essential Tool to

Unlock Your Worth and Take You From the Back

Seat to the Driver’s Seat of Your Life

© 2015 Holly Doherty

The author and publisher of this report and the accompanying materials have used their best

efforts in preparing this report. The author and publisher make no representation or warranties

with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this

report.

The information contained in this report is strictly for educational purposes. Therefore, if you

wish to apply ideas contained in this report, you are taking full responsibility for your actions.

The author and publisher disclaim any warranties (express or implied), merchantability, or

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This report is copyrighted by Holly Doherty and Rediscover RadianceTM and is protected under

the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local

laws, with ALL rights reserved. No part of this may be copied, or changed in any format, sold, or

used in any way other than what is outlined within this report under any circumstances without

express permission from Holly Doherty and Rediscover RadianceTM.

© Holly Doherty, Rediscover RadianceTM www.RediscoverRadiance.com

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About the Author

Holly Doherty is an author, speaker, coach, and Sculptor of Self-

WorthTM. She is the founder of Rediscover RadianceTM and the creator

of The Self-Worth SolutionTM and Radiant ReinventionTM. Holly helps

smart, capable women who sabotage their own success because

they’re haunted by their past, or because they’ve sacrificed

themselves so long for others that they’ve lost sight of their own

Radiant SelvesTM. Drawing on lessons she learned from her own

struggle to restore her self-esteem following more than 20 years of abuse, she brings a message

of hope and healing that empowers women to discover, love, and live their authentic selves so

they have the confidence to pursue their dreams and impact the world the way they’re meant

to. Like a modern-day Michelangelo, Holly Doherty helps women chisel away all the bits and

pieces of their identity that falsely define them, and helps them discover the unique, amazing

masterpiece they were created to be.

Holly is the author of 8 books, including The Self-Worth Solution, Masterpiece and The Magic of

Family Meals: 115 Conversation Starters to Connect With Your Kids. She is also a co-author in

the best-selling book, The Art of Brave Living.

She lives in the Phoenix Valley, where she loves her husband, homeschools her children, and

tries (unsuccessfully) to train her cats. She loves penguins, Latin music, and ballroom dancing.

Obsessed with all things purple, she strives to move toward a more minimalist lifestyle while

maintaining an epic collection of sparkly jewelry and cute shoes. Find out more at

www.RediscoverRadiance.com

http://www.rediscoverradiance.com/


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Why So Many Powerful Women Feel Powerless

First, let me say that I do not believe in a victim mentality. Your past shapes you, but doesn’t

have to define you. And every person is responsible for their own decisions. You have to power

to control how you respond to any situation (or to change how it affects you after the fact.)

That being said, in order to change how you feel or react, it’s often helpful to look at why you

feel that way – what influences shaped your outlook. When it comes to women feeling

powerless, many times it’s because we’re taught to be that way. From the beginning, girls are

taught to be passive and to put other people’s needs ahead of their own. We’re given dolls and

play kitchens (caretaking roles) while boys are given trucks and tool benches (roles that frame

them as the creators and – literally – the drivers of their lives).

Younger girls, especially, are fed a steady diet of fairy

tales and passive Disney princesses. That’s changing

somewhat (finally) with more contemporary heroines.

But think about the classic damsel in distress who needs

a man to help her. Or the one who’s waiting in a death-

like state until she’s kissed and rescued by a handsome

prince. She’s dead without a man. She’s nothing until he

awakens her and gives her life meaning again.

But fairy tales are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the way women are conditioned

to be passengers in their own lives. We’re told to “play nice.” Cooperate. Share. We’re not

supposed to be too loud or opinionated, and we’re supposed to let others go first. Always,

always, we’re to take care of others and put their needs ahead of our own.

We’re taught to passively accept what comes to us – that our job is to take care of others and

not actively plan our own lives. We’re consistently warned against being “selfish” or “uncaring.”

And just look at what happens when women do step out and make their own needs a priority.

When we stand in our own space. When we dare to love ourselves and stand up for what’s

important to us. We’re called all sorts of names:

Diva

Bitchy

High-maintenance

Self-absorbed

Stuck up

Fake


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Conceited

Self-centered

The list goes on.

Probably the most guilt-laden name we’re called is (gasp!)

Bad Mother. Because moms are supposed to sacrifice

everything for the sake of their kids, right? Wrong. Wrong in

a thousand ways.

Look, you can ignore your dreams and desires, and pretend

that they don’t matter. But that, by extension, implies that

you don’t matter.

And you do matter. You are just as important as everyone

else. You are just as worthy of achieving your dreams and having your needs met.

Because dreams don’t die. They’re an indistinguishable flame. But if they don’t have space to

flourish, they simmer down to almost nothing. A dream denied scorches your soul. It burns

away your confidence. It singes the edges of your consciousness and says, “Feed me, or you’ll

never be satisfied.”

Dreams don’t die. But when your dreams and desires constantly take a back seat to the needs

of others, a little bit of you dies.

You become invisible.

It’s usually a very gradual process – so slow that you hardly

recognize it.

See, we’re primed from an early age to be passive and to find our

identity in other people. Then, when life circumstances hit that

reinforce that idea, it’s all too easy to sacrifice ourselves and let our

needs take a back seat to everyone else’s. Do this over and over

again, and pretty soon you can lose sight of how amazing and

worthy you really are. You can put your needs so far in the back

seat that you’re not even in the car anymore.

Sometimes women lose themselves because of an abusive past. Sometimes it’s from Chronic

Caretaking or Serial Sacrificing. One client of mine had a mother who beat her whenever she

showed her loud, bubbly personality because she wasn’t “acting like a lady.” She learned it

A dream denied scorches

your soul. It singes the

edges of your

consciousness and says,

“Feed me, or you’ll never

be satisfied.”


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wasn’t safe to be herself. So she toned herself down as a child, and became depressed and

suicidal as an adult.

But it doesn’t have to be a big, major event or grand tragedy. Strongly or subtly, all too many

women believe that it’s not OK to be themselves. Many women come to me with some version

of this story: “I spent so long taking care of everybody else, that I don’t really know who I am

anymore. I don’t know what I like and what I want.”

That described me for a long time, too.

My Story

I was verbally, emotionally, and sexually abused for most

of my life. It started when I was 6, and my first abuser,

oddly enough, was an older girl in my neighborhood. I

remember one time when I got really scared – more scared

than usual – and I ran away from her. She chased me up

the stairs and into the kitchen. She grabbed a butcher knife off the counter and chased me into

the living room where she pinned me down in a recliner, the knife sticking in my stomach. I was

literally afraid for my life. I learned in that moment that it wasn’t safe to stand up for myself. It

wasn’t safe to protect myself or even be myself. I also learned a very powerful lesson about my

worth. I decided that I must be so fundamentally unworthy and unlovable that I wasn’t good

enough to be treated any other way.

Well, as you can imagine, that led to a series of abusive relationships, and eventually an abusive

marriage. My ex-husband controlled everything I did, even the clothes I wore and the friends I

had. He systematically tore down every shred of self-esteem I ever managed to scrape together

for myself. By the time that marriage ended 5 years later, I was an empty shell of the vibrant,

driven person I used to be.

My first act of standing up for myself was going on a cruise we’d planned months earlier. He

insisted on going too, thinking I’d be intimidated into staying home. I surprised myself when I

refused to back down. Everyone told me I was crazy. But looking back, going on a divorce cruise

with my soon-to-be ex-husband was the best decision I ever made. I was the beginning of my

awakening, of rediscovering who I was – restoring my fundamental identity and my self-worth.

I tried almost everything in my quest to restore my self-worth. I did therapy, I prayed, I read

hundred of books, tried affirmations – you name it. I found some things that worked, and a lot

of things that didn’t. Ultimately, I discovered that you have to do things in a certain order. You

can’t just slap an affirmation band-aid on a bleeding, broken soul and expect it to heal.

You have to do things in a

certain order. You can’t

just slap an affirmation

band-aid on a bleeding,

broken soul and expect it

to heal.


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Eventually, I rediscovered my worth and restored my confidence. I broke the cycle of abuse and

I’ve been married to an amazing man for 12 years and we have 2 beautiful, wonderful children.

But none of that would have been possible if I hadn’t restored my self-worth and rediscovered

my Radiant SelfTM.

You’re Not Alone The more I speak honestly with other women, the more I realize how many of them struggle

with the same thing. For countless reasons, many women struggle with feeling worthy, with

feeling loveable, and often with just trying to figure out who they are in a culture that

constantly tells them they’re not enough.

Yet most times, you’d never know it by looking at them. We’re

so good at putting on a façade, a mask of perfection to hide

the hurt and to protect ourselves from potential rejection. And

that hiding keeps us from healing.

I realized that it’s my calling and my mission to help other

women with the things I’ve learned. Because it breaks my

heart to see smart, competent women beat themselves up

and play small and feel unworthy of pursuing the purpose they

were put on this earth to fulfill. Because when you don’t feel

worthy, you sabotage your success. On the other hand, you

can have all the material success in the world, but if you don’t feel fundamentally worthy, you’ll

still be miserable and unfulfilled.

I spent way too many years of my life in that state, and I

don’t want any woman to feel that a moment longer

when I know there’s an alternative, and a better way.

Because, ultimately, life isn’t about material success. We

all want to live a life that matters. To know that we matter

and that we make a difference.

So what’s the solution? I mentioned that there’s an order

to restoring your radiance and reclaiming your worth.

What’s the first step – the essential key to getting out of

the back seat and into the driver’s seat of your life?

We all want to live a life

that matters. We want to

know that we matter,

and that we make a

difference.


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Honor Your Preferences – What Three Year Olds Know and Grown

Women Don’t

Think about a 3 year old. Is there any doubt about what she

likes and dislikes? If she doesn’t like her shirt, she won’t wear

it. If she doesn’t like her food, she won’t eat it. Heck, half the

time she won’t eat even her favorite meal if it’s not served on

the right color plate!

Three year olds have no problem letting their wants and

needs to known. They know just how life-and-death

important their personal preferences are. Yet somehow, as

we get older, we think we have to grow up and let go of the

“silly little things that don’t matter.” But I’m telling you: the

“silly little things” matter more than you realize.

Honor Your Preferences is a simple yet very powerful technique. Time and time again, clients

will come back to me – even years later - and say, “Oh my gosh, I still remember that tip. I did it

and it changed my life!”

It’s simple and it’s elegant and it will totally

transform the way you see yourself. It’s a habit that

you’ll develop, and the more you practice it – the

more second nature it becomes.

It’s the strategy I used when I was at the end of my

abusive first marriage and I was standing in the

peanut butter aisle agonizing over whether to get

the 8 oz or the 10 oz jar, because the consequences

of making the wrong decision were enormous. In

that moment, I realized that I’d completely lost

myself to the will of other people, and I had to

something major or I’d be lost forever.

Honoring Your Preferences starts with a mindset shift, and moves into a continual habit that

soon becomes second nature.

If you spend a lifetime

ignoring your own needs

for the sake of others, you

may end up believing that

you don’t matter.


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The Mindset

I want you to think about the last time you said, “I don’t care,” when you really did. The last

time you “sucked it up and played nice,” when you really wanted to give the other person a

piece of your mind.

How did you feel about it? Empowered and generous? Or frustrated and defeated? Notice how

you feel in your body the next time it happens. Notice how you feel when you want to say or do

one thing but end up going with the flow of everyone else’s agenda. It might be a tight knot in

your stomach, a quickening pulse, or a sour taste in your mouth.

Notice the words you say to yourself to justify the decision. Maybe it’s something like, “Oh, it’s

not that big a deal.” Or “It’s more important for me to support them than get my own way.” Or,

“Why do I never speak up and say what I really feel?”

You may tell yourself it doesn’t matter. But it does. A lot. Because if you spend a lifetime

ignoring your own needs for the sake of others, chances are, you’ll start believing that you don’t

matter.

Here’s the mindset shift: You do matter. And so do your opinions. The music you prefer

listening to, the kind of coffee you like, whether you want the toilet paper roll to go from the

top or the bottom: these are all things that matter. Will they end childhood hunger or bring

world peace? Of course not. But they matter to you, so they matter. Plain and simple. No

excuses. No guilt. They matter. And honoring these preferences is a great way to boost your

self-worth very quickly.

To get started, say this to yourself over and over: “I matter. My needs and wants are important.

If it brings me joy, it’s important. And I am worth it.”

Change your mindset, then develop the habit.

The Habit

Develop the habit of honoring your preferences. Multiple

times a day. Every time you can.

Trust me, you’ll be tempted – especially in the beginning –

to think that it’s so inconsequential that it can’t possibly

matter. But it does. Just do it.

One way I honor my preferences is through color. My

favorite color is purple. It brings me joy, and I'm on a

mission to color my world purple.

Repeat this mantra: “I

matter. My needs and

wants are important. If it

brings me joy, it’s

important. And I am

worth it.”


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I also love to drink a cup of coffee in the morning, but the only coffee mugs I owned at one

point were yellow. I hate yellow. Like, make-me-want-to-vomit-and-shiver-in-disgust hate

yellow. Seriously. To me, it’s not bright cheery. It’s obnoxious and stress-inducing. I don't know

what possessed me to buy those yellow mugs, except that they were probably cheap, and I

definitely wasn't honoring my preferences at the time.

So every morning I'd drink my coffee, trying to relax while staring at this awful yellow mug. It

drove me nuts. As silly as it sounds, I knew I'd be so much more relaxed with a purple mug.

So I began searching for a purple coffee mug. It wasn't easy

to find, but on a family trip to Sea World, I hit pay dirt. You

see, the other thing I love, love, love in this world is

penguins. (Don't ask me why - they're not even purple! But

I'd probably own one of I could.) So coming out of the

penguin exhibit in Sea World, of course I drooled over

everything in the gift shop. And wouldn't you know it, I

found the most perfect coffee mug in the entire world.

Because not only is it purple, it has penguins on it, too! Needless to say, I now smile every

morning when I drink my coffee from a mug I absolutely love.

You see, it's something really insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But it brings me joy.

And that’s enough reason to do it.

Your opinions and preferences really do matter, and

honoring them really does make a difference. Because

when you honor your preferences, you send a very

powerful message to yourself that you're important.

Your preferences are a part of you. They’re a part of

your masterpiece that makes you uniquely you. They

help make your distinct fingerprint in the world.

So look for opportunities to have – and express! – an

opinion. In The Success Principles, Jack Canfield suggests

that if you truly don’t have a preference when someone gives you an option, pretend you do.

Ask yourself, “If I did have a preference, what would it be?”

So if a colleague asks where you’d like to go for lunch, instead of saying “I don’t care,” pick a

place. If you’re given a choice of which color pen to use and you really don’t care, act like you

do care, and pick one.

When you honor your

preferences, you send a

very powerful message to

yourself that you're

important.


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If you’re like many women I coach, you may not even know what your preferences are

anymore. If you need help figuring where to start, here’s a list of questions to get you started.

Start a new journal with your answers and add to it

over time.

1. What’s your favorite color? Scent? Flower?

Cartoon character? Restaurant?

2. What’s your preferred decorating style? (look

through magazines and cut out examples)

3. What patterns do you like? (stripes, florals,

fleur-de-lis, animal prints, etc)

4. What’s your favorite sport or team?

5. Do you have a “silly” obsession that you think

you “should” have outgrown by now?

6. What side of the bed do you like to sleep on?

7. What hobbies do you enjoy?

8. How do you like to dress? (not what’s required

or most convenient right now?)

9. What brings you joy?

10. What do you hate?

11. What mundane tasks would you really like to outsource so you never have to do them

again?

12. If you had an unexpected day off all to yourself, and money wasn’t an issue, what would

you do?

13. What does your ideal life look like?

14. What do you want more of in life?

15. What do you want less of?

Why it Matters So Much

Here’s why Honor Your Preferences is such a powerful habit:

when you learn to honor your preferences in the little things,

you’ll be able to honor them in the big things.

There’s no way you can successfully manage big life changes if

you can’t manage to ask for your Starbucks the way you want

it. You can’t ask for a raise or build a business filled with your

ideal clients if you don’t build a habit of doing what makes you

Honoring your preferences

does not mean being selfish

and insisting on your way

all the time. It does mean

realizing that your needs

and wants are just as

important as everyone

else’s.


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happy. You can’t insist that someone treat you properly if you can’t even insist on sleeping on

your favorite side of the bed.

It may be uncomfortable at first. But you are worthy of getting what you want. Honoring your

preferences does not mean being selfish and insisting on your way all the time. It does mean

remembering that your needs and wants are just as important as everyone else’s.

So I challenge you to find simple ways to honor your preferences in your everyday life. Every

chance you get. Incorporate some of those things into your routine. Do something nice for

yourself every single day – even if it’s nothing more than ordering your coffee exactly the way

you like it, or using a yummy scented lotion that makes you happy.

It starts with implementing this habit in little, simple ways. It builds your self-worth muscles.

You’ll soon find your voice and your ability to stand up for yourself in bigger and more

important things as well.

Over time, Honoring Your Preferences results in you truly stepping into your power and

directing the course of your life rather than passively accepting what’s handed to you. It’s how

you get out of the back seat and into the driver’s seat of your life.

I’d love to hear from you about how you Honor Your Preferences and how it’s changing your

self-worth and your life. Email me at [email protected] and let me know! I’d love

to encourage you and support you on this journey!

FAQ’s about Honoring Your Preferences

Q: Isn’t Honoring Your Preferences selfish? I’m not 3, after all.

A: Honoring Your Preferences isn’t selfish at all. The difference between you and a 3 year old is

that you’re not gonna throw a temper tantrum if you don’t get on eat on your favorite color

plate every time. You understand that life is about compromises, about everyone getting a turn.

(That includes you, by the way.) It doesn’t mean you insist on having everything your way and

never take anyone else’s wants and needs into consideration. But if you’re like many women,

you hardly consider your needs at all. Honoring Your Preferences is a way to build your self-

worth muscles and remind yourself that you matter. You’re not the only one who matters,

obviously, but you do matter. And when you start the habit the way I recommend – in those

little, “inconsequential” ways that don’t make any difference in the grand scheme of life – you’ll

very quickly be able to determine when you’re feeling false guilt about being selfish.

mailto:[email protected]


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Q: What’s the biggest mistake women make with honoring their preferences?

A: Quite simply, not doing it. Thinking that it’s too inconsequential to matter. Confusing its

simplicity with a lack of power. If you’re feeling this, I strongly urge you to check in and be

honest with yourself. Often, when women have resistance to the habit of Honor Your

Preferences, they blame it on the “silliness” of the habit, but what they’re really feeling is guilt

and fear.

Q: How long do I have to practice Honor Your Preferences until it gets easier?

A: That’s different for everyone. At first, you’ll make a conscious decision every time. But the

more your practice it, the easier it becomes. Once it’s a habit, it truly becomes second nature

and you don’t even have to think about it.

Q: What are the other benefits of Honor Your Preferences?

A: When you learn to Honor Your Preferences in small ways, you’ll soon learn to honor them in

big ways. That puts you in the driver’s seat to creating your ideal, Radiant LifeTM. Want more

respect from your colleagues or loved ones? Start by Honoring Your Preferences. Want the

courage to quit your job and pursue a passion project? Start by Honoring Your Preferences. The

life changes you’ll see totally depend on what you want. It’ll be different for everyone. But it’ll

certainly be a more empowered life. Plus, once you develop the habit of regularly honoring

your preferences, your family and friends will catch on. They’ll often help you by pointing out

ways you can Honor Your Preferences in different situations. My friends often brighten my day

by tagging me in Facebook posts of amazing purple landscapes or fun purple gadgets. Plus, once

people know your preferences, it becomes really easy for them to buy you great birthday and

Christmas presents!

Q: What if I still need help reclaiming my worth after I implement this habit?

A: If this is you, you’re not alone. Honestly, Honor Your Preferences is just the first step in

reclaiming your worth. There’s a lot more involved. Like I said, you can’t just stick an affirmation

bandaid on a bleeding, broken soul and expect it to heal. If you truly struggle with your self-

worth, it’s important to do the deep excavation work to determine exactly how your self-worth

was damaged. Once you chip away all the bits and pieces that falsely define you, you can begin

the process of rebuilding your self-worth and rediscovering your radiance. I invite you to read

the next section and accept my invitation to have a complimentary Rediscover Radiance

Discovery Session with me so we can talk about your self-worth and determine a solution that

best fits your needs.

http://www.rediscoverradiance.com/discover



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My Gift to You

The world is counting on you to be you. But even more than that, you deserve the freedom to

be authentically, unapologetically you. Without hiding. Without pretending. Without

compromising.

You were created to have an impact. You were created on purpose, with a purpose. You are

worthy of pursuing your dreams.

But to fully step into the greatness you were created for, you need to really understand your

true worth on a gut level. You need a clear understanding of what holds you back and makes

you feel “Less Than” and “Not Good Enough.” You’ve got to drop the emotional baggage – to

stop being held hostage by your past and learn to channel the power you gained from those

experiences.

And once you chip away all the bits and pieces that have falsely defined you, you can begin to

see who you truly are. My clients often tell me they discover that their True Self, their Radiant

SelfTM is vastly different from who they originally thought they were. It’s liberating and

empowering.

Because here’s the deal. It’s like one client recently told me: "If you don't understand your self-

worth, nothing else matters."

Have you ever invested in a course that promised to transform your life, but never opened it?

Or completed a training, but never implemented anything you learned? Or made some

changes, only to settle back into old patterns of behavior soon after?

See, you can take every training out there to improve your life. You can invest your life savings

to take your business to the next level. But if you don’t believe deep down in your soul that you

are fundamentally worthy, if you don’t give yourself permission to succeed and stop the self-

sabotaging behaviors that keep you from fulfilling the mission you were put on this earth to do,

all the strategies and training in the world won’t get you to where you want to be.

On the other hand, you can be mega-successful and earn millions of dollars a year, but if you

don’t feel like you deserve it, you won’t be fulfilled.

If you don’t understand your self-worth, nothing else matters.

But when you know your worth, you can change the world.

I want to help you Rediscover Your Radiance. To Reveal Your Brilliance and Reclaim Your Worth.


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So if you’re ready to stop hiding; if you’re ready to put an end to the constant self-criticism and

doubt; if you’re ready to finally stop sabotaging yourself and to step boldly into your amazing,

Radiant SelfTM, I want to help you.

My gift to you is a complimentary, one-on-one Self-Worth Strategy

Session. This private session is a $400 value.

Even if we never talk again, after this session you’ll have a very clear

understanding of what shaped your self-worth and how it affects your life

and business. You’ll know what’s been standing in your way of having the

impact you know you’re meant to have, and the best next action to take.

So click on over to www.RediscoverRadiance.com/discover to apply for a

Rediscover Radiance Discovery Session now. Go ahead. You’re worth it.


The Self-Worth Key: The Essential Tool to

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