Jay Kerner Publisher/Fool’s Errand Boy

Somewhere around 25 years ago or so, I wrote my first family Christmas letter.

We always received a few clever ones from some crazy creative family and friends, so I knew I was going to have to do some-thing different if I wanted to hang with the pros.

That’s why I added a little bonus: a silly picture of me in a smoking jacket seated next to my taxidermied goat. (We could talk more about the goat, but that’s a story all its own.)

Anyway, I sent out around 50 copies to folks across the country, to mostly popular response.

Over the next months and years I experienced a visceral thrill to discover that picture on lots of my friends and families’ refrigerators.

I began to realize that I had crossed that invisible barrier that separates the important from the mundane, the relevant from the not so much. I had become refrigerator worthy!

My picture was up there with the good report cards and the “save the date” notices. My art, (if I may be so bold as to call it that), right up there alongside the hand-traced turkeys and finger-paint masterpieces.

And a surprising number stayed there for years! Come the next holiday season I started getting early requests for the new

version. Now the pressure was on. You can’t keep giving them the same ol’-same ol’.

There were a few hits and some horrible misses over the next few years. But then, the kids every-where (and of all ages) got their hands on Photoshop, and before you knew it, everybody was an artist, and pretty much any knucklehead with access to a keyboard was putting out the kind of stupid stuff that had been my personal domain for a number of years.

It wasn’t fun anymore after everyone was doing it, so I slacked off for a bit.

Then, the opportunity popped up to do this ridiculous paper, and with it, the chance to inflict my silliness regularly on an unsuspecting audience.

After doing this going on eight years, we’ve had some hits and misses in the paper, too. We’ve been lucky to have put out a few things that resonated with some folks. Again, we’ve been excited to have seen a few of them on refrigerators.

If you think about it, hasn’t that simple kitchen appliance become the main repository for the bits of paper we hold in highest regard?

Photos. The key-code for the internet. Long expired pizza coupons. The cartoon that just nails it.

Grocery lists, doctor’s appointments, baseball

schedules and the card from your bail bond guy.And all held up with little magnets. You can talk about Henry Ford, Thomas

Edison, or any other titan of American industry, but I wonder about the dude that invented the refrigerator magnet. We may have a car in every garage in this country and a dozen or so lightbulbs in the average home, but both figures are dwarfed by the number of refrigerator magnets.

There’s a hierarchy in the magnet world. The old-school, heavy duty ones are reserved for the most important stuff. Over the decades, magnets have gotten thinner and cheaper, to the point that some budget-advertiser’s versions won’t hold up anything at all. Heck, they’ll barely hold themselves up there. Yet we still keep them for some reason. Who throws away a perfectly good refrigerator magnet?

But I digress. (I do that!) Anyway, it always tickles me to see my stuff on people’s fridge or anywhere else they may have kept them.

When my mother-in-law passed away this fall, I was touched when I found a dozen or more of her favorite pieces of mine, cut out and saved in a kitchen drawer. (Those feelings were tempered a bit by the fact that I found them under about a hundred of Alonzo’s.)

When you create a disposable medium like this, you get excited anytime one avoids joining their brethren at the recycler. I guess that’s what keeps us going in the wee dark hours; the idea that something we produce, just maybe, has a chance at kitchen immortality. We know we won’t hit every time, but shoot, a boy can dream, can’t he?

Fridge Worthy

3

Contact The Regular Joe816-617-5850

email@theregularjoepaper.comP.O. Box 1304 St. Joseph, Mo. 64502

Read us onlinewww.theregularjoepaper.com

Danny R. PhillipsRegular Joe Music Guy

There is just something about Elliott Smith in the dark of the new day’s morning.

The angelic, lost soul voice of Smith, who passed away by his own hand on October 21, 2003, washes through the room like the ghosts of lost love, regret and fragments of opportunities wasted, friends no longer on your side, friends yet to be discovered.

As I stare into the beginnings of a new life alone, Elliott comforts me, soothes me and tells me it will be just fine, much like The Beatles showed me melody, Big Star showed me perfection and Nirvana told me it was ok to be pissed; and to focus that anger into words on a page. Elliott Smith made great albums over his all too short life, be it “Either/Or,” “From a Basement on a Hill,” (a posthumous offering compiled by his family and finished by friends follow-ing his suicide) or any others I may have omitted criminally in my words here. However, the one that calls me back is 2000’s “Figure 8.”

Opening with the track “Son of Sam,” “Figure 8” is a showcase of how Smith’s musical influences had affected him. Whether they come from his days in punk rock bands, his unabashed love for The Beatles and, especially Memphis, Tennessee’s Big Star, the gang of rock n’ roll misanthropes is certainly present and accounted for.

“Son of Sam” is possibly the bounciest, liveliest ditty ever written about a dog worshipping serial killer; light piano work opens the track but, much like many of Elliott’s songs, “Son of Sam” has moments of anger and confusion.

“Somebody I Used to Know” really hits home for me now that my marriage has departed. “Now that you’re big enough to run your own show/ You’re just somebody that I used to know.” It is a story for failed lovers or someone that just failed at life.

“In the Lost and Found (Honky Bach)’s” piano line plays like it is sound tracking a silent movie, slowing and speeding up to go along with the action, all while Elliott’s voice is layered like seraphim on high, singing for a sunny day. Elliott Smith was al-ways looking for a crack in a cloud, wanting desper-ately the warmth of the sun on his tired face.

Sadly, the sun hid itself away from Elliott, only peeking from the curtain, only showing up in the grand arrangements that weave themselves to Peter Glass as much as The Beach Boys’ Brian Wilson and the jagged simplicity of folk great Pete Seeger. El-liott Smith stands with all the other great that went mostly unnoticed in their lifetimes (look up Nick Drake to set as the prime example) and only garner fans and curious onlookers as what they were in real-ity: greats of their craft.

They say every writer has one great book in them, every musician one great album. “Figure 8” is his shot to greatness, “Figure 8” is his masterwork.

From the Shelf: Elliott Smith’s “Figure 8”Joe Music -5

Matt Maier

The day is cold, the wind biting. I pull my vest tighter, a foolish thing for thinking I could handle the cold,

dry air with only a fleece vest. But my destination wasn’t far: The Bell was only a stone’s throw from the parking lot.

The Bell is not a big place, but it doesn’t need to be to feel comfortable. Once I break past the doors, warmth greets me, with the smells of food enlighten-ing my senses. My friend Tracy is only minutes away, giving me enough time to peruse the menu. This is my third time at The Bell, a local bar and restaurant that sits on the corner of Kansas and Missouri streets in downtown Liberty.

It’s been a number of years since Tracy and I have last graced each other’s presence, not since high school at the least. What better place to catch up with an old friend than at a great local establishment?

Tim Roumas, owner and operator of The Bell, describes it as a “fun, easy to hang out bar with a really good atmosphere.” As I run over the menu, the solid, old masonry of the eastern wall rises up to my left. Beyond the wall lies the out-door patio, a great place to be when the weather is warmer. “Note to self: Return here in the summer,” I tell myself.

The menu at The Bell is nothing expansive like your Applebee’s or 54th Streets. In all honesty, any place that crams five hundred thousand items is either trying to compensate for something or just has no idea what it wants to be. I like The Bell’s menu, it’s concise and not bloated.

As I await Tracy’s arrival, I’ve made my decision. I’ve had it before, but why go for anything different? The Bell Burger it is. According to Tim, 100% of

the menu is made from scratch. “The only frozen products I use are ice cream and french fries.” No hard feelings there, making ice cream is a real pain.

I begin to ponder a drink for lunch. Afterall, The Bell is a bar. And a well-equipped one at that. There are over 60 labels of bourbon and Scotch available to wet anyone’s appetite, “along with all of the other booze you like.” I think stick-ing with my tried and true Boulevard Wheat is best. It’s a hometown brew for a hometown locale.

Perhaps part of my love for The Bell lies with its location just off the his-toric Liberty square. I have a fondness for old town squares like Liberty, which feel--quite simply--Midwestern. Tim says it best: “Liberty is very folksy and the people here are sincere.” Amen Tim.

Soon enough, Tracy arrives. Hugs and greetings are exchanged and we set-tle in to our seats for a rewarding lunch. Not long after ordering, my Bell Burger arrives. It is enormous; I think only Gary Busey has a mouth big enough for this burger. Needless to say, the burger is delicious.

Tracy and I spend the next few hours hanging at The Bell, catching up on memories new and old. It’s great reconnecting and I feel right at home at this place. But alas, our reunion ends. Winter is still hounding outside. After departing from Tracy and The Bell, I bound myself up tighter with my vest. “I’ll be back again,” I tell myself.

The Bell Quick Facts: Opened in 2013 Most well-received dish is the Farm House Hash Tim’s favorite beer: Bell’s Brewery Two Hearted Ale Located at 114 East Kansas Street, Liberty, Missouri 64068

A Ringing Endorcement for “The Bell”

Shannon Bond

You are cruising along at 50,000 feet and the engine suddenly makes a high pitched squeal, the airplane lurches, and your compact, but palatable roast beef dinner lurches on your tray table. The seat belt sign comes on. Your mind races through fifty scenarios until it lands on the one where certain death is eminent. At first you resist, but eventually, you give in. Yes, you’re going to die. Oddly, you feel better. You can even take a bite of your bouncing roast beef. The people around you are exchanging nervous glances and asking for the flight at-tendant. The entire mental process took minutes, but it lifted a weight and freed you. The same process can be applied to lots of different situations.

Another one that comes to mind is a certain Humvee ride, or maybe two, where we didn’t really know what was happening, but we knew that there were some angry people with unre-solved issues that wanted to make our day very bad. This is ambiguous on purpose, but the point is, you come to a moment when you accept that it doesn’t matter how you got here, in this moment, and it doesn’t matter who is waiting for you at home, you just know that you are here and it’s much easier if you accept that it is probably the end.

This is a form of non-attachment, it is also what some athletes experience on very long, grueling rides, runs, climbs and hikes. The world is lifted from your shoulders and it’s time to get down to business. If you focus on anything else, you will be distracted. You will serve your family, your fans (which, let’s be honest, is probably your family and maybe a few friends) and yourself better by first accepting, then letting go, then focusing. It’s not that you necessarily believe that you are going to die, it’s that you accept that you are here, in the moment and it is better if you stay present. You still might make it through; I’m not promising anything, but you might.

This isn’t a bad mental state to be in when that giant hill is looming. You know it’s going to be a pain-ful, no good, awful, maybe impossible, sustained climb. Wait, that train of thought isn’t getting you anywhere.

Again, accept that you are here, in the lycra and spandex, peddling for all your worth, and it’s going to consistently hurt and then feel better. You’re on the roller coaster of “I can and I can’t” and the most important thing is to ac-cept it and realize that you won’t fail, because you have already let go of even that concept.

You are in the moment, surviving and experiencing. Oh, and not defeating yourself with your thoughts, that’s the whole point here really. You may have another 200 miles to go, so negativity or berat-ing yourself for not taking up a less painful sport, like ping pong or golf maybe, doesn’t do you any good. You are here, or there rather, in the saddle, let the pain come, recognize it, and watch it float away. It doesn’t help to focus on the pain. Accept, let go, focus…that’s the mantra, especially since we’re moving into February. Race season is coming up and it’s time to train and you can’t spin inside all the time. Eventually you have to face that monster climb, even when your tears are leaving frozen tracks down your face. What better way to test your non-attached focus and ability to remain mindfully in the moment? Feel free to email snarky, positive, or inspiring stories of triumph to the Regular Joe after your fingers thaw out. Accept, let go, focus.

Acceptance

Brew Top Pub North8614 N. Boardwalk Fri 2/6 DolewiteSat 2/7 RetroactiveThur 2/12 Dueling PianosFri 2/13 WonderfuzzSat 2/14 TransientsFri 2/20 Scott Peery BandSat 2/21 Cherry BombsThur 2/26 Dueling PianosFri 2/27 Flannigan’s Right HookSat 2/28 The Dissapointments

Pat’s Pub1315 Swift in NKCEvery Wed nite Open Jam hosted by Rob Gray

Fat Fish Blue7260 NW 87th in Zona Rosa all shows 8pmFri 2/6 RetroactiveSat 2/7 AZ OneFri 2/13 RivertownSat 2/14 Acoustic V-day w/Lauren AndersonFri 2/20 Kyle Sexton BandSat 2/21 Da TruthFri 2/27 51% Blues Band

Sat 2/28 Fast Timing

Sherlock’s Underground858 S 291 in LibertyEvery Wed at 8pm Oasis

Live Music Hi-Lites across the Northland

We’re not talking here about advocating for your health in a philosophical or political way. But literally standing up. Standing up regularly during the day, researchers have recently discovered, directly correlates to your longevity. The Journal of the American College of Cardiology, for example, reported on the findings of a study in which people who sat for four or more hours per day (not counting the time they sat at work) had twice the risk of cardiovascular problems, including strokes and heart attacks, compared with those who sat for less than two hours per day.

And perhaps the most surprising finding that recent studies on sitting have revealed, is that even if you exercise daily, it is not enough to overcome the health risks associated with prolonged sitting.

Former NASA research scientist Joan Vernikos, Ph.D., writing in the January-February edition of Well Being Journal, says that standing up is the single most important habit we can acquire to maintain independence as we age. She says that standing up on a regular basis throughout the day helps regulate blood pressure and strengthens the muscles, bones and joints as well as improving balance.

The challenge is, of course, we are living in an increasingly “sit down” society. Many of us have desk jobs and do computer work all day long. And we commute to and from work sitting in our vehicles. At home, we don’t have to stand up to answer our cell phones or to change the channel on the T.V. Everything’s at our fingertips, but the rest of our body suffers because of it. Vernikos, author of the book Sitting Kills, Moving Heals recommends placing your cell phone at the other end of the room which will make you stand up to answer it, or putting the remote on top of the T.V. instead of hold-ing it in your hand on the couch. She also advocates incorporating as much movement as you can into your daily routine, whether it’s gardening, wash-ing dishes, walking to the store or going up and down the stairs. At work, deliver that office memo in person, instead of emailing it. Get up every hour and get a drink at the water cooler. Whatever it takes, stand up and move!

As bipeds, human beings are meant to move and move often.Standing up and moving might be the simplest and yet most important

thing we can do for our health.

Don’t take life sitting down, but by standing up!

Jim Fly, Certified Health Coachrepeated on request from 2013

Stand Up For Your Health

11

Main Street Parkville Association and the all-volunteer festival planning committee will soon proudly announce the date for the 12th Annual Parkville Microbrew Fest 2015. Kick off the sum-mer with live music, handcrafted Ales from 50 plus breweries representing Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa, Min-nesota, Colorado, Oregon and Califor-nia, along with home brew club samples, and great food in beautiful English Landing Park. Guests will be supplied with a commemorative logo tasting glass, a custom tasting note sheet, and live music.

Ticket Information Coming Soon for 2015

Admission opens at 11:00 a.m.Sampling starts at 1:00 p.m.Admission Includes All SamplesDesignated Drivers – Free AdmissionMust Have Ticket and Photo IdNo RefundsPets are Welcome

Rain or Shine

Come to Historic Downtown Parkville and further your beer education, enjoy outdoor grilled foods, live music, and a great spring day.

12th Annual Parkville Microbrew FestSaturday, April 25

Reverend Ron

In Greek mythol-ogy, Chronos is the god who rules time. His name is taken from the Greek word, ‘chronos,’ which means ‘time.’ Much in mythology emerges when ancient cultures personified abstract notions and told stories using these personi-fications. The legends and icons about Chronos can teach us much.

In modern English, we have several words derived from ‘chronos.’ ‘Chronology’ is a way of looking at history by arranging events according to their sequence in time. ‘Chronicle’ is a record of such events. An illness is ‘chronic’ when it is continues over a long period of time.

Perhaps we have seen Chronos. He is the one who appears on New Year’s greeting cards as ‘Father Time,’ the old man with a long beard and sickle, ushering out the old so the ribbon-clad baby can crawl onto the stage of a New Year. His sickle is a symbol for harvest, for cutting down and gathering in all that we have grown and accomplished during the year.

Other names for this elderly gentleman include ‘Grim Reaper’ and ‘Angel of Death.’ In legend, he has acquired a sinister reputa-tion. He lives in the north where it is cold and icy. He prefers to visit in the deepest part of the night. And it is significant that we are reminded of him around the winter’s solstice when the sun is low in the sky, when days are the shortest and nights are the longest. Chronos, with names like ‘Grim Reaper’ and ‘Angel of Death,’ sug-gests something to dread, to delay, to avoid.

The gleam of the sickle reminds us of things gone by, the good old days, and leaves us with a sense of nostalgia. Perhaps Chronos offers us something more—a gentle reminder not to drive into our future with our eyes glued to the rear view mirror. Endings suggest new beginnings. Harvests invite new plantings. A cross makes possible an empty tomb. Dying suggests rebirth. Chronos is the threshold we step through to get traction for new possibilities.

As January fades into February, and our new resolutions are forgotten, we may have faint memories of Christmas and New Years. The baby Chronos has dropped his ribbon and is crawling on all fours by now. Soon, his voice will deepen, he will learn to speak a new language. Eventually, he will start growing a beard. Along the way, he will plant seeds as the year progresses and once again take up his sickle. He will grow old and again reap.

Is he our enemy? Is he something to dread? I think not. For from his presence, we learn what is really important in life. From his lips, we hear the deep and profound whispering of the Psalmist: “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain the heart of wis-dom,” Ps. 90:12.

Chronos: Friend or Foe

Brian J. Myers

The nightlife scene in downtown St. Joseph has taken some major hits in the last few years. The closures of three nightclubs since 2012 have left a no-ticeable void on Felix Street for club goers and live music fans, many of which have began frequenting venues in other parts of the city, or taking their business outside of the community altogether.

With the bedrock of the entertainment district still holding strong (Felix Street Pub, Buffalo Bar, The Rendezvous, and Fosters), an opportunity existed to capitalize on replacing some vital pieces of the downtown nightlife.

“Mirrors at Loft 111 is actually a rebranding of a nightclub we were operating downtown ten years ago,” says co-owner Tracy Allen. Allen and her partner, Beth Siapno, successfully own and operate Buffalo Bar, and decided to reopen their popular dance club that existed in the space currently occupied by Buffalo Bar.

The newer incarnation of Mirrors is situated on the upper floor of the building Buffalo Bar occupies on Felix, in the spot that had most recently been “The Villa.” “We’re using more of the top floor than we did with The Villa, making Mirrors at Loft 111 a much bigger space,” states Allen. “We wanted to take what our customers loved about the old Mir-rors, and make it more modern, with a bit different format.”

The new Mirrors has a large dance floor, a VIP section with bottle service during certain occasions, and a fully stocked bar that offers a wide variety of classic and signature cocktails.

While Mirrors at Loft 111 has been a choice

spot in recent months for those wanting the dance club scene, fans of live music will be pleased to know that many of their favorite St. Joseph bands will be performing at the venue. With shows from “Afterparty” and “Hubcap Bandits” already under their belt, the crew at Mirrors are already promot-ing an upcoming Zombie Valentine themed show on February 13th with Dsoedean, Third Wounded Man, and Burnstyles. The club also has a night featur-ing stand up comedy on January 31st, featuring KC comedians Randy Delp and Aaron Naylor, and St. Joseph comedy veterans Brian J. Myers and Ryan Gerster.

“We’re a night club, but we like to mix it up and have different types of live music, too,” says bar manager Tyson Moran. “It’s a work in progress, try-ing to create something that looks and feels new and different to St. Joseph.”

Moran, who managed O’Malley’s in Weston, MO, was the first choice for Allen and Siapno to

help relaunch and lead Mirrors Loft at 111. “Tyson was a former employee of ours, and has done a phenomenal job at managing and marketing this business,” says Allen.

You can visit Mirrors at Loft 111 at 111 N. 5th every Friday and Saturday night from 5pm to 1:30am. Be sure to check out their Happy Hour every Friday from 5:30-7:30. The club can be entered on the 5th street side, or through the Buffalo Bar downstairs.

Mirrors Loft at 111 Breathes New Life into Entertainment District

15Where to go...When you come to St. Joe!