The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 26

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • JUNE 30, 2011 • VOLUME 8, ISSUE 26 • WWW.CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 26 | June 30, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com2

www.chattanoogapulse.com | June 30, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 26 | The Pulse 3

ContentsJUNE

201130

VOLUME 8, ISSUE 26 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“Chattanooga FC has brought some serious competitions right into our backyard. And yet, they offer some of the most

inexpensive entertainment available.”— Madonna Fajardo Kemp on the growing appeal of "futbol" in Chattanooga.

10

“Abstract art shows a culmination of aesthetic freeplay. When abstract art works well, over time it presents fresh

perspectives to viewers.” — Michael Crumb on an intriguing new exhibition at the River Gallery.

15

“Midnight in Paris examines the creation of art, the experiences that surround it, and the joy of letting go of the

past in order to live in the present.” — Critic John DeVore on Woody Allen's newest film.

26

Nightfall 2011 - Friday Night!Hugo

Want to watch a video of this week's Nightfall headliner? Download the FREE "QR Reader"

on your smartphone and scan this code.

“It was intrigue that sucked them out into the night and beckoned them to drive south down Highway 43 to watch a

movie that sounded enticing.” — Julie Gillen on the appeal of Midnight Cowboy.

9


The Tennessee Aquarium has been made aware that a lawsuit has been filed alleging a child be-came infected by bacteria after reaching into a saltwater touch tank in the Ocean Journey building. According to the documents, a specific bacteria was isolated from this child’s wounds at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital in Nashville.

“The Aquarium was made aware of this illness while the child was still hospitalized,” said Char-lie Arant, Aquarium president and CEO. “While we sympathize with this young man’s situation and wish the family well, we do not believe that we are responsible.”

Testing began at the Aquarium as soon as bi-ologists were notified of the situation. Samples from the exhibit in question were taken from water, substrate and fish. These samples were sent to an independent lab to be analyzed spe-cifically for Erysipelothrix rhusiopathlae, the bac-teria found in the young man’s lesion. All five samples were negative.

The lawsuit contends the Aquarium should be held responsible for the infection because

it allows visitors to touch aquatic animals and the staff were aware of the bacteria being carried by the fish and failed to warn any of their visitors.

“To our knowledge, no Aquarium staff, volun-teers or any of the nearly 19 million visitors have ever developed this bacterial infection,” Arant pointed out in response to the claims.

Erysipelothrix rhusiopathlae can be found in soils, mammals—including cats and dogs—and is frequently associated with infections from poultry and swine. It is not exclusively an aquatic bacteria associated only with fish.

Aquarium staff continuously monitors water quality and animal health to ensure the safety of all visitors, staff and volunteers. “We do everything possible to ensure the safety of our guests and staff,” said Arant.

President Jim Brewer, II

Publisher Zachary Cooper

Contributing Editor Janis Hashe

News Editor / Layout Gary Poole

Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins

Advertising Sales Jaye Brewer, Rick Leavell, Michelle Pih

Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Leanne Strickland

Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier

Photography / Videography Josh Lang

ContributorsGustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny

Dave Castaneda, Chuck Crowder Michael Crumb, John DeVore Abby Gengozian, Julie Gillen

Janis Hashe, Matt JonesMadonna Fajardo Kemp

Louis Lee, Kelly Lockhart, Ernie Paik, Alex Teach

Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin

Editorial Interns Lauren Haynes, Crystal Kishimoto

Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494Fax (423) 266-2335

Email [email protected]

Calendar [email protected]

The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is

available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than

one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media1305 Carter Street

Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402

Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification.

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

Pulse Beats

Aquarium Faces Lawsuit Over Common Infection

NEWS “The Democrats lost their entire starting infield in the last elections, so I think we have an

excellent chance to beat them.” —U.S. Congressman Chuck Fleischmann on the

upcoming Republicans vs. Democrats Congressional baseball game, in which he will be participating.

News BriefsIn only its third year in existence,

a local charity has set a new record. Jack’s Chattanoggins is the brain-child of 12-year-old Jack Skowron-nek. When he was 10, he read a book that inspired him to shave his head to show kids with cancer that being bald was OK. He raised $1,200 that year. This past Sunday at the Chat-tanooga Market saw more than 60 people shave their heads, raising more than $17,000. That money will stay right here in Chattanooga to be used at Children’s Hospital at Erlanger in the Pediatric Oncology Unit.

It just got more expensive to at-tend college in the University of Ten-nessee system. Trustees approved tuition hikes last week throughout the state system. Students at the Knoxville campus will have to pay 12 percent more next semester or about $788 more. Here in Chat-tanooga, UTC students will see their tuition go up $480. The hikes mean tuition at state schools has doubled in the last decade. The increase goes toward a five percent pay raise for faculty and staff members.


Lost Art Of GhostsThe original name of the lodge featured in your story was “Crystal Air Sport Motel”. My “ungiven” name that has stuck will always be Crystal, due to the motel. I was put in all of the hang gliding magazines in our ads when I was five: “You will love Crystal—Come to Crystal Air Sport Motel!” That is my father’s statue and our family’s history. The making of that statue is based on the art of hang gliding for the Tennessee Tree Toppers of whom my father was the treasurer for and our mascot throughout the years in the Tennessee Valley. This is the final remains of a thirty-year run of a family owned business, based on hang gliding at first, then moved to tourist based business based on the outreach of the sport throughout the country. Crystal Toth

It’s a story that a young boy can treasure throughout manhood and maybe even pass along to his own son someday. It’s also a story that an aging father and grandfather can treasure, finding solace in the fact that he left an impression on his son that was worthy of reliving with his grandson. I also believe Malcolm would find some comfort in this story. Jackie Hampton

In Defense Of ChuckI enjoy reading Chuck Crowder’s columns. He

is the first to admit he is no expert on most subjects he writes about, but he more than makes up for it with his sense of humor. The recent letters to editor on “Chuck Crowder & Guns” has me puzzled. Gun lover or not, if his article left you feeling that your Second Amendment right to bear arms was in jeopardy then it might be time that you stepped away

from the firearm. Somebody needs a nap. Dan Summerlin

Good Samaritan SuffersSo sad that this man stopped out of kindness and was so attacked [“Carjacking And Shooting Of Elderly Man On Bennett Street”]. He just got off work and probably doesn’t make that much. These guys didn’t care if they killed him. It just makes me sick that in Chattanooga one has to be ever so careful, even to the point that they can hardly take a chance on stopping to help someone that truly may need it. I try to avoid driving through town even if traffic is backed up. Susan Roden

TVA Rate IncreasesMaybe TVA should have thought twice or even three times before they awarded every employee a huge bonus. Why should we, the customer, pay for nature’s fury when we all suffered storm damage? I don’t see TVA coming to the rescue of the thousands of people who lost their homes and property due to the storms. We have had huge increases due to the price of fuel, which I find kind of funny when most of the plants run on coal and nuclear. TVA is always getting what it wants! I do believe a new management team is needed for this company. Scott Shad

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

[email protected]

We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name,

city and contact information.

OpinionNEWS


Statistical Oddities & CrimeNEWS

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office,

the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Top Crops In Tennessee

1. Soybeans2. Flowers, Ornamental Shrubs & Fruit Trees3. Cotton4. Corn5. Tobacco 6. Wheat7. Hay8. Tomatoes9. Apples10. Peaches

Whenever one hears about the "top crops" in the state—by which the re-porter means the top legal crops, of course—it often comes as a surprise what those crops actually are.

In fact, agriculture in Tennessee ac-counts for more than $200 billion in annual gross revenue, nearly two eprcent of the entire gross domestic product of the United States.

And to think if marijuana was ever legalized... Source: NetState Tennessee Economy

• Good neighbors make for good smoke detectors. An Oakwood Drive resident no-ticed smoke coming from the roof of the house next door last week. He called 911 and when firefighters arrived on the scene they found smoke coming from a bedroom at the rear of the structure. They made en-try into the residence, locating and quickly extinguishing the fire, confining it to a sin-gle room. There was no one at home at the time and there were no injuries. Fire offi-cials say the quick action by the neighbor aided their response time and kept damage to the home to around $5,000. The cause of the fire is still under investigation.

• Cleveland police are working a bi-zarre car theft case. Last week, 88-year-old Gloria Van Norden was made to leave her house and travel in her own car with a woman who said she needed help. The woman drove the victim to a residence where they picked up a strange man. Re-turning to the victim’s house, the suspects looked around, noting antiques and the contents of the refrigerator before saying they had to leave. The suspects then took the 2005 Dodge Stratus without permis-sion. Police believe the car may have been used in the robbery of a Walgreens Phar-macy about an hour later. They also believe

this is the same woman who has been robbing other Walgreens stores around the Tennessee Valley.

• Chattanooga police detec-tives are also dealing with a bizarre carjacking case of their own. A passenger in a vehicle left running at a Rossville Blvd. gas station went for a ride that he hadn’t intended to take. The man told police that he was sit-ting in the backseat of a friend’s car when she got out to go into the convenience store. A white male suspect then jumped into the vehicle and sped off with the car and Johnson inside. The victim said he picked up a ham-mer and grabbed the suspect in attempt to stop him. The suspect then drew a knife and the two fought until the car hit anoth-er vehicle head-on. After the collision, not only was the victim able to escape, but the driver of the other vehicle jumped out and ran as well. The suspect then sped away in the vehicle. Police are trying to locate the driver of the second vehicle as well as its owner.

• And while skinny-dipping may have once been a fun thing to do as a child dur-ing a hot summer vacation, police frown upon it, especially when it involves adults. Three residents of a Hixson apartment

complex were caught swimming nude in a public pool. Officers had stopped to check on the facility shortly after it had closed for the evening, when they noticed the three women swimming. When the women were told they had to exit the pool, they informed the officers they were na-ked. Being polite, the officers turned their backs to allow the women to get dressed, at which point they tried to run away. One fell down and was apprehended at the scene, while the other two were eventually located—fully clothed—while walking their dog. All three were charged with inde-cent exposure as well as a variety of other charges, including public intoxication and resisting arrest.


Don’t it always seem to goThat you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s goneThey paved paradise and put up a parking lot— Joni Mitchell, Big Yellow Taxi

It’s that time of year when I think about picking blackberries along the fence row with my cousin, up at our grandparents’ farm on Highway 43, right on the edge of town.

We’d each have our own pan, and I can still hear the blackberries bouncing on the pan when they hit bot-tom. Together, the two of us would gather enough for a cobbler, and we’d take them to Granny and a bubbling cobbler would emerge from her oven in less than two hours.

We needed that cobbler to top off the meal of fried green tomatoes, macaroni and cheese, cornbread, corn, tomatoes, green beans and squash, and some cucumber and on-ion and maybe some fried chicken or some meat loaf on the side.

Straight from the gar-den, our grandparents used to say. They were proud of that. After lunch, every-one would scurry back to their places—my grand-father went back to work at his service station, my mother went back home in time to catch As the World Turns, and my cousin and I went back outside

to walk around the pond or climb the huge maple tree or check out the baby pears on the pear tree in front of the house.

Come Sep-tember, that would be the h a p p e n i n g place. As chil-dren, it never occurred to us that things would change. One day the maple tree would be cut down, the pond would be filled and the house and the pear tree would be uprooted. The garden spot would be paved and the blackberries would dry up in a field of asphalt.

But let’s not get morbid here. For one thing, our grandparents would not like that. They would like to be remembered with the fondness and love that they ex-tended to us. I like to believe that it was enough to carry us through. The house is gone but the memories remain, and that is enough for me.

Even as a child, I realized the farm was idyllic because of its proximity to town and more specifically, the drive-in. The drive-in was just down the road, extending its arms to people of all ages throughout the town. Typi-cally, the drive-in was a lure for teen-age boys and girls, although I did not know that at the time. Carloads of families also piled in and consumed popcorn and Cokes to their hearts’ content, while staring at the big white

screen in the sky.

But one night the d r i v e - i n called out to my granny and my aunt, who lived next door. Not your typical drive-in pair, the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law; Ruth and Naomi out on the town. Let’s just say it gave new meaning to

the words “whither thou goest.” It was intrigue that sucked them out into the night

and beckoned them to drive south down Highway 43 to watch a movie that sounded enticing. Never mind that it was rated X. Never mind that the year was 1969. Never mind that the preacher might see them there. They went anyway, because they liked the title: Mid-night Cowboy. The rest of us were not there, but we heard the story told through the years, and it was one of our favorites.

Perhaps even the best of gardens, complete with to-matoes, corn, squash and okra, needs a little spice from time to time, something a tad stronger than pepper and salt. Here’s a toast to summer with all its memories of drive-ins and blackberries, Dustin Hoffman in his early days, and Ruth and Naomi on the prowl.

Beyond The HeadlinesOPINION

Remembering Midnight CowboyBy Julie Gillen, Pulse Contributing Writer

“It was intrigue that sucked them out into the night and beckoned them to drive south down Highway 43 to watch a movie that sounded enticing.”


Futbol Through A Fan's EyeChattanooga Football Club commands a fanatic following

Story by Madonna Fajardo Kemp • Photography by Abby Gengozian

Futbol In ChattanoogaCOVER STORY

The projectile came within centimeters of my temple. Whistling through the air, it slammed into the metal grate that I had, just moments before, been leaning my head against. The man that had moved towards “saving my life” looked concerned, while I let loose a delighted laugh. “Now, that would have been a story to tell!” But, my “near death” experience with a ball would never top the story that can be told: the story of a town embodied in a team.

Right in your backyard is America’s talent, dancing with the red card, surviving each challenge in a spectacular fashion. While you have been on the couch or on the bench or on the barstool watching pseudo competitions, there have been heart-stopping, foot-stomping, neck-straining contests happening right here.

On May 30 in Finley Stadium, Chattanooga Football Club (CFC) qualified for a coveted spot in the 2011 Lamar Hunt US Open Cup, earning a right to compete against professional soccer teams from all over the country.

The atmosphere reeked of suspense, of tensed muscles, of strained emotions. The crowd watched intently, sweat dripping, jaws clenched, responding to every minute occurrence: the mid-game MMA take-down by Nick that caused wide-eyed shock and wonder, the ramming of heads that sent Andy crashing to the ground; the all-too-cool and calmly calculated goal by Chris while the clock ran down. They watched the fast, furious, and sometimes frantic action while the fanatic fringe chanted “Four-dollar beer! Four-dollar beer!”

Chattanooga Football Club is a National Premier Soccer League (NPSL) team that calls Finley Stadium home. As a member of the NPSL, CFC is part of the official US Soccer pyramid, which made the team eligible to play in the 98th annual US Open Cup—after qualifying. Of the 155 professional-level soccer teams that tried to qualify, only 40 teams found themselves in the official first-round bracket. For the first time, CFC was one of them.

CFC was founded in 2009 and has recorded a winning season every year since its inception. In 2010, CFC earned the title



of Southeast Division Champions and went all the way to the final game of the National Championship. But, even in the first year, in those initial games, it was obvious that CFC was something special.

John Calderwood was born in soccer-crazed Scotland and was playing with the Atlanta FC in 2009 when he experienced Chattanooga. The next season found him proudly wearing CFC blue. John says he “can tell how important the team is to the city of Chattanooga. It gives us that extra motivation to succeed on the field.” And John understands motivation. His grandfather played professional soccer in England. “I have a lot to live up to,” he admits, “and I am counting on the phenomenal atmosphere that drew me to Chattanooga.”

Manchester, England is a hardcore soccer town. Yet Manchester native James Moore plays for CFC. James, who loves to walk around downtown and enjoy the river, feels “Chattanooga is a really beautiful place to live.”

And he knows that if it were not for “CFC fans boosting the team to success,” he would have never known that. James had heard about the Chattanooga fans and had to check it out for himself. “When I am tired and don’t think I can give anymore, standing in front of thousands of cheering Chattanoogans is all the boost I need to go back full-force.”

The fact that Chattanooga has been able to

draw in players from countries where soccer is king speaks volumes about Chattanooga FC. But native Tennessean Mark Sherrod knows that it is not just the city or the team that is bringing the talent. He feels it is a “real privilege to play for such dedicated fans.” Mark, who has been playing soccer since the age of 4, says, “I can feel the level of my play intensify when I hear the fans roar.” Mark was recruited from

the University of Memphis soccer team, where he has made quite a name for himself. And he sees that the fans have made quite a name for Chattanooga in the soccer realm.

Since the players in the NPSL retain their college eligibility, players are offered professional-level play without losing their amateur status. While NPSL teams may be “the low man on the totem pole,” they are the only

recognized members of the US Soccer family that compete against the best players on both an amateur and a professional level.

Chattanooga FC’s unique status and explosive fan base has

led to not only an Open Cup bid and a winning record, but also to a longer season. Up from five home games last season, CFC will play 10 games at Finley Stadium this season: five regular season games, three cup games, one match against DC United U23, and one international “friendly” against Mexico’s dynamic Monterrey Rayados.

Besides offering more intense matches

“Chattanooga FC’s unique status and explosive fan base has led to not only an Open Cup bid and a winning record, but

also to a longer season.”


for the fans to enjoy, general manager Sean McDaniel sees the Monterrey match as proof that CFC is taken seriously by higher-tier teams. Last year, Monterrey came to Chattanooga to play an exhibition game with another visiting team. This year they asked to play CFC. Sean is certain that Monterrey based their decision on the fact that “we will provide them with a challenge—an assumption based on the number of CFC fans that show up on a regular basis.”

Defender Jose Robles knows that DC United U23 and the Rayados bring a whole different level of play. “It is always a great experience to play against teams of that caliber.” Robles, whose brother Juan also plays for Chattanooga, says he has played soccer ever since he can remember. He finds that Chattanooga fans give him and the other players “a sense of pride” that affords them an edge over any team. So, Robles is certain CFC “has a very good chance of coming out on top.”

CFC is committed to bringing in as many impressive competitions as possible, according to Tim Kelly, CFC board member. “It is particularly thrilling to get the Rayados because of their great success in the Mexican league.” Tim also feels that it is “a natural progression to strengthen our ties with DC United,” an MLS team that shares CFC’s Volkswagen sponsor. “We look forward to a long and productive partnership with them.”

Coach Jimmy Weekley sees CFC fans as a lifeline for the players that “feed off the energy of the crowd.” And the same fans that serve as motivation for the players have also served to boost the reputation of soccer in Tennessee. Chattanooga FC fans have broken all NPSL attendance records. In fact, they have even surpassed attendance at higher-tier games.

No doubt, CFC attendance played a hand in the recent expansion of the NPSL with the addition of the Knoxville Force, which gave Tennessee its third upper-tier soccer team. Jimmy notes that “the addition of Knoxville Force not only gives an additional team to play close to home; it also gives us a new rival, which is always motivating for the players and fun for the fans.”

Furthermore, CFC fans have served as a

catalyst in the improved status of the NPSL itself. Sean McDaniel finds the evidence in this year’s recognition of NPSL teams by the US Open Cup. “US Soccer has given NPSL teams four spots in the Open Cup for the first time ever, which means they see us a worthy league.” A league found to be worthy largely due to Chattanoogans.

There certainly is a fanatic fringe—better known as Chattahooligans. You can find them at every game—home and away—sporting flags and drums, horns and cowbells. (Yes, cowbells.)

But these chant-leading, fun-loving fans are not much different from the rest of the crowd, who exude the spirit of the game with every collective rebel yell, groan, moan, or sigh of relief.

Chattanooga FC has brought some serious competitions right into our backyard. And yet, they offer some of the most inexpensive entertainment available. Entrance to games is only $5, with children 5 and under getting in free and a discount for youth

players who show up in their team jersey. But inexpensive entertainment, a winning

record, and an electric atmosphere are not all that is to be found at Finley these days. After each home game the fans are invited onto the field, where the players sign jerseys and pose for pictures with the children. This is football without the threat of a lock-out because the players are demanding even more exorbitant salaries. This is football with love of the fans.

Last season a record number of soccer fans filed into Finley Stadium to watch CFC play FC Atlas, a non-league opponent. However, the players agree that their most engaging opponent is the Atlanta Silverbacks Reserves. Nickson Odeny, a Lee University recruit, calls the Silverbacks “our toughest opponents,” noting that “their strength lies in their organization and determination.” During the Open Cup qualifying match, bloodied Silverbacks played the entire two hours, resting only for half-time and bandaging. Nickson finds that being able to play teams like the Silverbacks in front of CFC fans gives him an “adrenaline rush.”

Apparently, the adrenaline rush is felt by the fans as well. CFC engages in very little advertising. The record-breaking attendance


“When I am tired and don’t think I

can give anymore, standing in front

of thousands of cheering

Chattanoogans is all the boost I need

to go back full-force.” ”


numbers have resulted primarily from word-of-mouth and Facebook notifications. Fans from local soccer associations, such as Redoubt and Crossroads, have been sure to spread the word. Karen Kelley, from East Ridge Soccer, promotes CFC because “it is the best affordable, family friendly entertainment in town.”

Stats tell us that attendance numbers are down from last season; however, in the first two years of play the CFC fan base grew incrementally with each game. Sean McDaniel feels that the earlier start to the season, as well as “living in a city that offers a variety of activities like Riverbend,” may be at the root of the change. But he is certain that attendance numbers will rise again with the upcoming Monterrey and DC United competitions.

On Tuesday, June 14, Chattanooga Football Club celebrated Flag Day with their first ever appearance in the US Open Cup. CFC brought their team, their fans, and their game to the Pittsburgh Riverhounds—a United Soccer League professional team. CFC lit up the board early when Ivan Heredia powered in the first goal from 40 yards out. Then, Chris Ochieng assisted Mark Beattie with his first ever US Open Cup goal. The Riverhounds

were able to conjure up a couple of goals and throw the game into overtime.

Abby Gengozian, a self-professed Chattahooligan, saw the action first-hand and couldn’t help but notice the difference between this professional team and CFC. “The other team had only 50 fans there. They play at a high-school with poor lighting. They were not what I expected at all.” Abby and her fellow die-hard fans matched the Riverhound fans chant for chant, which would not be

surprising to anyone who has experienced the Chattahooligans. But, in the end, Abby watched the Riverhounds come back from their sure defeat to win by one goal in over-time.

Tim Kelly is not concerned about the loss, though. He sees the Open Cup contest as a way to improve the reputation of Chattanooga. “The U.S. Soccer representative at the game was quite complimentary of our team, our play, and our organization, so we may not have won the game, but we won respect for

Chattanooga.”For you, they are Chattanooga. They may

have not been born Chattanooga, but they have chosen to become Chattanooga. Tim Kelly wants to you to know the truth of the matter: “CFC does not have ‘owners,’ they have founders. Chattanooga owns this team.”

On June 25, Chattanooga’s team was back at home in Finley, bringing the action, the talent, the dance once again. For you, they deliver over and over. Even when it takes all

they have, even when it takes 21 minutes of overtime, even when it means a resulting knee surgery; they fly through the air, dance with the ball, purposefully draw a yellow card to save a

buddy from being thrown out of the game. After the game, I saw the mosh pit

form on the field: CFC, children, coaches, Chattahooligans, cowbells. Sweat, sharpies, smiles, soul. The atmosphere was pulsating, like a heart beating out of an open chest. This is Chattanooga’s team and certainly something to be proud of.

Chattanooga Football Club will be at home in Finley Stadium on July 4 for their intense match with the Monterrey Rayados. For more information, visit them online at www.chattanoogafc.com


“Chattanooga FC has brought some serious competitions right into our backyard. And

yet, they offer some of the most inexpensive entertainment available.”


Mary Portera presents “Explorations” at the River Gallery, featuring contemporary abstract art by Clara Blalock from Atlanta and by Edie Maney of Nashville. These artists will be present at the opening reception on July 1 from 6:30 to 8 p.m.

I do hope that art-lovers will be able to attend this recep-tion to meet these energetic and sophisticated women who exemplify devotion to their artistic styles with work of deep visual engagement.

I’ve written before about how abstract art shows a culmina-tion of aesthetic freeplay. When abstract art works well, over time it presents fresh perspectives to viewers. Clara Blalock offers a simple explanation for this effect in that her concern for her viewers’ impressions of her work has less importance for her than does her own sense of engagement with the aes-thetic adventure of fresh production.

So much depends on the artist’s sense of integrity and commitment to the process of development of aesthetic vision. This process can be long and sometimes ardu-ous, but the resultant work presents a high pleasure that perceptive viewers are sure to appreciate.

An excellent example involves Blalock’s painting “Hidden Treasure.” Her ti-tles are rather ironic, based on common sayings, yet

presumably, these titles indicate a quality of the work. “Hid-den Treasure” emerges from a relatively bright background with a color palette that involves somewhat muted blues and greens. Much of the overall effect suggests pastels. Here Bla-lock introduces an interplay of black, such that on an extend-ed viewing, these abstract forms take on a three-dimensional

quality. As far as abstract painting is concerned, this effect is fantastically rare. I believe it repre-sents an advanced aes-thetic vision, something like progress; “Hidden Treasure” indeed.

The presence of con-temporary art styles remains essential to the vitality of the Chatta-nooga arts community, since only by the inclu-sion of diverse styles can our city maintain its rec-ognition as a prominent arts community.

Abstraction has been attacked in the past as “subjective” or “self indulgent”, but art history has shown that such attacks were often politically or financially moti-vated. Those who would fetishize their medium as “true” art are those who likely have embraced creative mediocrity and who compensate for a lack of creative vision by claiming work in a “true” form.

Maney is enthusiastic about her adaptation of brayers from printmaking (essentially rollers of different sizes) with special kinds of acrylic paint that allow her to “paint chaotic.” She also adapts layering of canvases into works of lush colors with dynamic textures.

Although Maney does some figural work, she prefers to work in a nonobjective mode, without subject matter, and she seeks her titles from a poetic sense of language. Maney’s “Substance of Space” works with color tonalities of gold, red and black. For Maney, “color, texture and shade” provide the basis for her “dances on canvas.”

Both Blalock and Maney joyfully commit to the process of discovering startling forms of visual play. This process requires

intense and sustained concentration, and the resulting work engages the viewers’ senses on deep levels.

It’s often remarked that our mainstream culture provides a plentitude of distrac-tion that promotes short attention spans. One may look at things without really seeing them. A prime virtue of abstract art is the ability to promote a sustained viewing in which our perceptive and interpretive facul-ties wander through

content that rewards and invites further contemplation. Both Blalock and Maney present accomplished work of deep aes-thetic pleasure.

Also, while you visit the River Gallery, look for the abstract works by Michael Kessler of New Mexico. Angie Supan char-acterizes these paintings as a kind of dynamic engagement of organic and inorganic forms. Kessler’s pieces show an amazing versatility of styles within his working context, a further dem-onstration of the complex vistas offered by abstraction.

Abstraction Articulated at River GalleryFeatureARTS

By Michael Crumb, Pulse Arts Writer

“Both Blalock and Maney joyfully commit to the process of discovering startling forms of visual play.” “The Joy of Visuality”

River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St.(423) 265-5033, ext. 5www.river-gallery.orgReception for the artists:5:30 – 8 p.m.Friday, July 1


Arts & Events CalendarARTS

ThursdayDynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.comAll American Summer Music Series6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.orgBluff and Bridges Downtown Tour7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.comMystery of the TV Talk Show7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com5th Annual Patriotic Organ Concert7 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.govScenic City Comedy Search8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.comChattanooga Ghost Tour8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

FridayDynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. Opening Reception “American Dreams”5 p.m. Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.comOpening Reception AVA All-Member Salon Show5:30 p.m. AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282. www.avarts.orgBorn to be Wild 3D6 p.m. IMAX Theater, 1 Broad St., (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.orgOpening Reception “Exploration”6:30 p.m. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com“Red, White & Blues”7 p.m. Museum Center at 5ive Points, 200 Inman St. E., Cleveland. www.MuseumCenter.orgUltimate Wave Tahiti 3D7 p.m. IMAX Theater, 1 Broad St. ,(800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.orgMystery of Flight 1387 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.comBluff and Bridges Downtown Tour7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. James Gregory7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.comLove’s Labour’s Lost7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141.

Little Shop of Horrors7:30 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold. (706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.orgBorn to be Wild 3D8 p.m. IMAX Theater, 1 Broad St., (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.orgRent8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comHairspray8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. Chattanooga Ghost Tour8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.comUltimate Wave Tahiti 3D9 p.m. IMAX Theater, 1 Broad St., (800) 265-0695. Stand Up Comedy! Stephano9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.comFemale Impersonation ShowMidnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

SaturdayDynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. Brainerd Farmers Market10 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 458-6281.Chattanooga River Market10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Red, White and Blue Days10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.orgJuly 4th Celebration11 a.m. Georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield Pklwy. (706) 937-WINE. www.georgiawines.comArt till Dark12 p.m. 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.comRock City Summer Music SeriesNoon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain. (800) 854-0675. Love’s Labour’s Lost2 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. Little Shop of Horrors2 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.orgSouthern Light Poetry Reading2 p.m. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com

5th Annual Patriotic Organ Concert Guest organist will accompany the Buster Keaton silent film The General.Free7 p.m.Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave.(423) 757-5156.

HairsprayOpening night of the

musical based on the John Waters film.

$30 (includes “Welcome to the Sixties” party)

7 p.m. reception8 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage, 400 River St.

(423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.co

THURSDAY FRIDAY


Mystery at the Nightmare Office Party5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.comJames Gregory7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.comLittle Shop of Horrors7:30 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold, GA. (706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.orgStrange Bedfellows8 p.m. Moccasin Bend Brewing Company, 4015 Tennessee Ave. www.bendbrewingbeer.comRent8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comHairspray8 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.comMystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com

Chattanooga Ghost Hunt9:30 p.m. Patten Chapel, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 821-7125. Stand Up Comedy! Stephano10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.comFemale Impersonation ShowMidnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

SundayDynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. Red, White and Blue Days10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.orgChattanooga Market11 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. www.chattanoogamarket.comRock City Summer Music SeriesNoon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain. (800) 854-0675. www.seerockcity.comFirst Free SundayNoon. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.orgLove’s Labour’s Lost2, 7:30 p.m. Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. Open Improvisational Jam3 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.orgStar Spangled Supper5:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.comBlue Moon Fireworks Cruise7 p.m. Blue Moon Cruises, 301 Riverfront Pkwy. www.bluemooncruises.orgPops on the River8 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River St. (423) 265-0771.Movie Night8 p.m. Sluggos North Vegetarian Cafe, 501 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 752-5224.Chattanooga Ghost Tour8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

MondayDynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.comRed, White and Blue Days10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.orgLookouts vs. Huntsville Stars6:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.comChattanooga FC vs. CF Monterrey U207 p.m. Finley Stadium, 1826 Carter St. www.chattanoogafc.comBluff and Bridges Downtown Tour7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.comChattanooga Ghost Tour8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

TuesdaySongwriter’s Line-up7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.Lookouts vs. Huntsville Stars7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.comChattanooga Ghost Tour8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

WednesdayDynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. Main Street Farmers Market4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.comAmerica’s Birthday Cruise6 p.m. Tennessee River Gorge Explorer, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0698 . www.tnaqua.orgBluff and Bridges Downtown Tour7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.comLookouts vs. Huntsville Stars7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.com

Arts & Events CalendarARTS

RentYour chance to see the Tony Award-winning rock opera based on La Boheme.$188 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River St.(423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Midnight in ParisThe Woody Allen film

explores nostalgia for Paris in the ’20s.

(Call for showtimes) Majestic 12,

311 Broad St.www.carmike.com

SATURDAY SUNDAY


Not all my dreams are nightmares, or about little pickles and smoke stacks and rockets and stuff. Some are “normal”—uncontrolled falling, no I.D. at the voting station, getting fried green beans instead of fried okra at my local Democratic caucus meeting…I’m a fairly normal guy as far as dreams go, actually. So when I had the dream about the two kids throwing snowballs at my office window, I didn’t know where to place this one.

For one, it meant I had an “office job”. How weird is that? It was snowing outside from the second floor of headquarters, and two kids dressed in 40’s-era Our Gang outfits (aka Little Rascals, aka Eff You Bill Cosby For Locking These Away) were giggling and throwing snowballs at me from the sidewalk under the cold grey skies of a fresh snowfall.

Not exactly the stuff for the record books because it didn’t really go beyond that, but when I took a closer look, the kids had abnormally large heads, as if adults.

In fact, the closer I looked, the more I realized they were the full-sized heads of two co-workers that had retired in the last few years (or months), and it both creeped me out and made me jealous at the same time. Their faces were twisted in laughter and even when they caught their breath, they couldn’t stop smiling as they gathered more ammunition.

Both were influential in one way or another at various times in my career, and like any good mentor I’d learned from them the good as well as the bad… But here they were now, out in the snow doing childish things without a care in the world. They’d won.

You have to understand something that all the TV shows and movies don’t seem to touch on despite the improved realism of modern policing in the mainstream

media: It’s all about Retirement.

Retirement is the carrot at the end of the stick, the cheese at the center of the maze. All the TV shows talk about is the next big bust, how city hall is full of shit (“natch”), about all the aspects of prosecution and evidence gathering and, well, everything, except what is just beneath the surface of every conversation in the force, whether it’s about the next budget giving us a raise

or the new selection in toilet paper in the building: We talk about “What We’re Going To Do When We Retire.”

This conversation is occasionally expanded into “What We’re Going To Do During Our Final Days BEFORE Retirement,” but those conversations are merely the doilies and napkins dressing up the main course: Quitting This Shit.

It’s not that we want to stop working, now. Well, OK, we do…but only because it’s the final incentive to a lifestyle of being 45 years old and working 12-day stretches through the middle of the night month after month, of pay plateauing around five years into a 25-to-30 year job and making within five grand of a cadet in the academy after 20-plus years of service, of the lawsuits, of the injuries, the broken political promises, the failed relationships as a result of all these…yes.

The city you’re going to move to, the jobs you’re going to take, the jobs you’ll refuse to work…the life you didn’t get to have until now, and you discuss ALL these things without ever talking about the statistical likelihood that you won’t make it 10 years afterwards (again, see reasons listed above for the answer to “Why?”, or check recent

obituaries where a famed detective was just buried). Heck, you even talk about how people think you’re greedy for even getting it, though I suspect the soldiers and FBI types never get accused of such. It’s a funny world.

I glanced back outside the window in the dream and they were gone, walking up the sidewalk slapping each other on the back and still laughing. I smiled, not bitter, but still a bit jealous because I had so many years to go to get my piece of cheese.

For the sake of anonymity, I’ll just refer to them under the false names of “Mike & Mark” in this column, but if you local cops knew who I was talking about you’d picture the squint of their eyes and the crook of their grins in a second. Love them, hate them…you have to be just a little jealous as they crossed that great finish line to our apparently unjust reward.

I woke up frustrated at the thought of a few more thousand mornings of this ahead, but grateful for the friends that made it ahead of me.

Enjoy it, boys. You truly earned it, despite the critics and statistics.

I won’t be joining you today—but I’ll be joining you soon enough, God willing.

End of the Road

Alex Teach

On The BeatOPINION

“Their faces were twisted in

laughter and even when they

caught their breath, they couldn’t stop

smiling as they gathered more ammunition.”

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, car-penter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach


Following what has been one of the most intense months of my career, it’s been wacky to see Chattanooga in full swing again. This city never ceases to amaze me with the energy that people bring to shows and the amazing performances that the artists are giving back to the crowds. It’s already almost July—but come fall there will be a lot of giant surprises via Track 29, a new premium music venue opening up on the Chattanooga Choo Choo campus. I’d like to take a moment and say that although Chattanooga is getting the traditional venue it de-serves and worked hard for, I still don’t think that the push for the Scenic City scene is over.

Rolling Stone recently named Nashville as the nation’s “Best Music Scene”, a very prestigious award. Despite the fact that Nashville’s population towers over Chattanoo-ga’s, this award is not that far from reach. Asheville, NC was able to get their scene named among the best in the nation and is smaller in size than Chat-tanooga. This leads me to my next question: What makes an award-winning music scene? I invite any-one to write into The Pulse to answer this question on a public forum to spark some good discussion.

As I pondered on this question all month, I real-

ized more and more that it’s all about community. I don’t ever consider the musicians or producers that I’ve had the pleasure to work with as co-workers. I really consider them more of an

extended family. No one can do anything by their own means and expect everyone to turn out. It takes a team of people to make a show suc-cessful. A creative collective must be inviting to outsiders that want to partici-pate in the creative process. Yes, even an observer of live mu-sic is a participant in the creative process. As the band plays their songs and gets your attention, you are tapping your toes and dancing to the beat. This means you are part of the creative process of crowd involvement.

Writing for the The Pulse has been a huge honor and I am grateful to highlight such a big pool of talented musicians. To make this the best music scene in the country is going to take a lot of work from every single artist, fan, producer, deejay, and so on. As I continue to write for The Pulse, I’d like to high-light some lesser-known bands that have been in the scene for a very long time but haven’t gotten proper exposure. This week I’m highlighting Robosapien, who will be performing with Knoxville-based band Arpetrio.

I finally got to check out my first show at The Honest Pint, to be honest (no pun intended). I was very skeptical about the venue. Particularly my concerns were that it would be too small for a really good performance. So I went by to check out Machines Are People Too and despite the venue reaching capacity very quickly, it was the perfect set up. It is very nice to have the option to go upstairs and still have a good viewing angle of the show while not sweating your tail off in the crowd. If you have been skeptical about this place

before, don’t be. It’s really good fun!

Robosapien has been in the scene for a while as mostly a jam band mixed with e lectronic-fus ion group. This is a four-piece band that is re-ally fun to watch. and will likely put you into a trance with all their funky music. Over-all, the tight grooves are sure to get your head bobbing like no other. Robosapien has played on the

same bill with some great regional and national names such as Signal Path, This Is Art, Eliot Lipp, Ghostland Observatory, Big Gigantic, Boombox and more.

Arpetrio is a three-piece live-electronics band. They beau-tifully combine elements of jam, electronica, jazz, trip-hop, and psychedelic music into one killer performance. This band has shared the stages with such big names as Shpongle, Per-petual Groove, EOTO, RJD2, Toubab Krewe, Nosaj Thing, Prefuse 73,and Zoogma.

So there you have it! Good music, good food, good beer and at a very solid price! I hope to be seeing you Chattanoo-gans going out and enjoying the great live music this city has to offer! Till the next issue—keep on dancing!

“As I continue to write for The Pulse, I’d like to highlight some lesser-known bands that have been in the scene for a very long time but haven’t gotten proper exposure.”

Robosapien Runs It Down FeatureMUSIC

By Dave Castaneda, Pulse Music Writer

Arpetrio with Robosapien$59 p.m.Sunday, July 3The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com


New Music ReviewsMUSIC

John MausWe Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Ourselves(Ribbon Music)

Beach FossilsWhat a Pleasure(Captured Tracks)

“The humor comes from the sincerity, which is an effective approach.”

Take a zuc-chini, slice it into thin discs, season and drizzle with ol-ive oil, broil, and sprinkle parme-san on it. With just a few simple i n g r e d i e n t s ,

you’ve got utter perfection. For this writer, recipes like this one come to mind when lis-tening to the new release from the Brooklyn outfit Beach Fossils, which exudes an attentive

simplicity without being bland. The instru-mentation offers no surprises—guitars, bass, drum machine—but every note seems vital and purposeful, with nothing superfluous. While complexity has its place for certain kinds of music (and this writer confesses to be a sucker for string arrangements in pop songs), restraint does too.

The 8-song mini-album What a Pleasure is a little more focused and cohesive than Beach Fossils’ debut self-titled album from last year, and although there’s still reverb on front man Dustin Payseur’s vocals, the sound is slightly cleaner and more organized, as well. Stylisti-cally, it’s most similar to certain indie British pop from the mid-to-late ’80s, like offerings from Sarah Records, and in particular, it’s akin to the beloved band The Field Mice, with a

spotless sound, tasteful drum machine beats, chiming guitars, wistful vocals, and earworm melodic sensibilities.

The title track strikes an ideal balance, with each instrument in clear detail, from the rhythm section backbone to the bright, jangly octave-separated guitar notes; “Fall Right In” is the release’s finest moment, with a gentle fluidity and an orderly rush in the form of Pay-seur’s vocal stream, and label mate Jack Tat-um, of Wild Nothing, lends his vocals to “Out in the Way,” among the hovering, sustained synth chords that lift the song with a hope-ful attitude. As for the lyrics, they are fairly unremarkable, but not conspicuously insipid; the lack of memorable wordplay shows that for Beach Fossils, there’s room for one more in-gredient in the recipe. — Ernie Paik

I once witnessed a twenty-some-thing man in a bar, alone, playing passionate air guitar to a song on the jukebox, oblivious to his sur-roundings and any possible specta-tors. I have no doubt that this was an example of ironic hipster silliness, but what was remarkable and oddly touching was that the guy looked so serious, buried in concentration and musical ecstasy. That guy and John Maus need to form a club, Maus be-ing the new wave revivalist who can keep a straight face while making some of the most ridiculous faux-’80s synth-pop around. The humor comes from the sincerity, which is an effective approach, as fans of the metal band mockumentary film This Is Spinal Tap can attest; no matter how warped, ludicrous, or even clue-lessly sexist the band’s aesthetics were, Spinal Tap was totally serious about its music.

We Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Our-selves is Maus’s follow-up to the charming Love Is Real, and it doesn’t stray from his path; it evokes Giorgio Moroder and The Human League with ardent, semi-sinister numbers and his affected, deep baritone voice with a staid delivery that ac-tually makes it that much more amusing.

Synthesizers became affordable in the new wave era, eternally tying certain sounds to that time period; while some new wave is endearingly dated, a considerable amount has not aged well.

For example, have you watched Fletch late-ly? Mercy. John Maus uses this as a weapon, by picking jarring, conspicuously dated synth sounds, like on “Quantum Leap,” which ends with a glorious, squealing synth solo freakout. While some of the more obviously cheesy songs may get the most attention, actually the album’s best songs are ones that go for a different reac-tion, like the placidly sentimental “Hey Moon” and the genuinely stirring closer, “Believer.” Maus’s intentions may be questionable, but that doesn’t mean that his songs can’t be moving. — Ernie Paik


ThursdayBen Friberg Trio7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253.5th Annual Patriotic Organ Concert7 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.govBlues Jam with Rick Rushing7:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. Audience Choice Night7 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Ter. (423) 877-2124. www.mchalesbrewhouse.comOpen Mic Night7:30 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.comSoul Survivor8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Jimmy Harris8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Amber Fults9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechattDark Horse Ten9:30 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. www.rhythm-brews.comComedy Show with Louis Katz10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

FridayJimmy Harris6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comDigital Butter7 p.m. Nightfall Concert Series, Miller Plaza. www.nightfallchattanooga.comLive DJ Party7 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Ter. (423) 877-2124. www.mchalesbrewhouse.comHugo8 p.m. Nightfall Concert Series, Miller Plaza. www.nightfallchattanooga.cowLive Music8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.comTroy Underwood8 p.m. Palms Patio at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Brian Collins9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.www.myspace.com/jimstrikerDJ and Dancing9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 East Brainerd Rd. (423) 648-6679.Find them on Facebook.DJ and Dancing9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comFly Union, evervigilant10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemiaJason Isbell and the 400 Unit, Nikki Lane10 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. www.rhythm-brews.comDigital Butter10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.comKaraoke & Dancing10 p.m. Chattanooga Billiards Club East, 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883. www.cbcburns.com

SaturdayNew Binkley BrothersNoon Rock City Summer Music Weekends, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn. www.seerockcity.comJimmy Harris6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at

The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. John Johnson Benefit: Eight bands, including The Vivs, The Unsatisfied, Bohannons7 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. Butch Claude Morgan, Kevin Fahtery8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.orgStrange Bedfellows8 p.m. Moccasin Bend Brewing Company, 4015 Tennessee Ave. www.bendbrewingbeer.comDivine Jazz9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechattFlibberty Gibbett9 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Ter. (423) 877-2124. www.mchalesbrewhouse.comStevie Monce9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.DJ and Dancing9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms

Dark Horse TenThese Dark Horses step into the spotlight.$59:30 p.m.Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market Street.www.rhythm-brews.com

Digital ButterLocal favorites bring their

smooth sounds to Nightfall.Free

7 p.m.Nightfall Concert Series,

Miller Plaza.nightfallchattanooga.com

Concert Calendar MUSIC

THURSDAY FRIDAY


at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comBlack Betty, Planet10 p.m. Rhythm and Brews, 221 Market St. www.rhythm-brews.comFunktastic Five10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

SundayNew Binkley BrothersNoon. Rock City Summer Music Weekends, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mtn. www.seerockcity.comKurt Scobie12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market,

First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. www.chattanoogamarket.comBooker T. Scruggs Ensemble1:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. www.chattanoogamarket.com Michael Jacobs2 p.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. Open Improv Jam3 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org10 ptOpen Mic with Mike McDade7 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechattFree Range Mystics3 p.m. Pasha Coffee and Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482. www.pashacoffeehouse.comArpetrio, Robosapien8 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.comKaraoke with DJ Salt9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

MondayMawre & Company12:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695.

Old Tyme Players6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.comMusic Mondays7 p.m. Pasha Coffee and Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482. www.pashacoffeehouse.comBig Band Night8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.comKaraoke with DJ Salt9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. Www.budssportsbar.com

TuesdayMawre & Company12:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695.Ben Friberg Trio7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.comKeep On Moving Dance Party8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemiaOpen Mic with Mike McDade9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.comKaraoke with DJ Salt9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

WednesdayJulie Gribble12:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium Plaza, 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0695.Jimmy Harris6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. Call to Preserve, In this Hour, Bruteforce, more7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. www.warehousevenue.comPrime Cut Trio8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. McNary, The Black Cadillacs, Elk Milk9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.comDJ ScubaSteve hosts Jenntastic Wednesdays 9 p.m. Holiday Bowl, 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695. www.holidaybowlbrainerd.com

Concert Calendar MUSIC

John Johnson Benefit ShowMythical Motors, The Jackies, Courter, Clouse and King, The Vivs, The Fingers, The Value, The Unsatisfied, The Bohannons. PLUS incredible items up for silent auction! $5 (plus donations appreciated)7 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Arpetrio, RobosapienElectronica jam sesh to go

with your shepherd’s pie.$5

9 p.m.The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com

SATURDAY SUNDAY


I can’t help but find it very intriguing the recent news story of a local hospital accidentally sending the personal effects of a patient home with the family of his deceased roommate. Seems that sometime between the release and burial of the deceased, likely days later, the living patient realized his dentures were missing. In the meantime, his custom-fitted orthotic was buried in his roommate’s casket along with some other mementos.

Without any intentional disrespect for the patient of the missing teeth, it’s been undetermined, or at least unreported as far as I could tell, why the missing false teeth were either undiscovered or unneeded during the days when they might have been recovered prior to the burial and court-ordered exhumation of the deceased.

Despite rumors that it was the still-living denture wearer who wanted his custom fitted teeth back, turns out it was actually the family of the deceased who wanted the misplaced effect out of their family member’s grave. It was also reported to some extent that they didn’t want to live with the thought of someone else’s property inside their family member’s casket, and I completely understand.

I wouldn’t want someone else’s stuff in my casket either. In fact, I’m not sure what I would want in my casket—but one thing’s for sure, it better be mine. Call me naïve, but I wasn’t even aware that personal items typically accompany one to their final reward. So now that I know, maybe I should start making a list of the personal effects I would want with me six feet under.

I’ve heard of dead rock stars being buried with their favorite guitar or a bottle of Jack Daniels or whatever they held near and dear in the land of the living, but I

thought those were isolated incidents to perpetuate pop-culture folklore. However, the more I think about it, the more it seems plausible that one should have some stuff by your side, barring expensive recyclable jewelry, of course.

The pharaohs of ancient Egypt were buried in elaborate pyramids. As one-time-comedian-turned-bluegrass-star Steve Martin once sang,

King Tut “had a condo made of stone-ah.” And along with their

mummified remains, this prime real estate contained all of the riches that might come in handy in the afterlife.

They say “you can’t take it with you,” but I’m not so sure about that. I think you should take whatever you want to the sweet by and by—as long as it’ll fit in life’s final storage unit. So without further adieu, here’s what I would want buried along with me.

First and foremost, my trusty iPhone should remain where it always is, in my right-hand pants pocket. You never know when you might need it. If I make it past the pearly gates and wanna know what’s going on back home—or even make a few calls to explain what Heaven’s really like—I’ll need my phone (as long as I can get a signal and the charge lasts). Plus, like with anyone’s personal communication device, there are always texts and voicemails that are best taken to the grave (if you know what I mean).

Secondly, I would want my iPod. People always daydream about the band of angels that includes Hendrix, Elvis, Keith Moon, Gram Parsons, Ronnie Van Zandt, Randy Rhodes and three-fourths of the Ramones. But my feeling is that these rebels of

recording likely didn’t make St. Peter’s list, so I better bring along some good tunes or face perpetual Two-For-Tuesdays made up of Stryper and the Louvin Brothers.

Next, I must have some of my favorite foods on board. I want my mom’s turkey and dressing, Lamar’s fried chicken, a steak from St. John’s, mussels from Easy Bistro, Mexican street corn from Taco Mamacita and a pony keg of the Terminal’s Mai Bock beer to wash it all down. Chances are these establishments don’t yet have locations that far North. And who cares if I never need it and this stuff rots along with me. I don’t think the smell is going to bother anybody (or should I say “any body”).

Lastly, despite whether or not I have dentures at that point, I will certainly need my eyeglasses. I can’t see a damn thing without them. How am I supposed to take in all of the glory of the promised land if I can’t see four feet in front of my face? Speaking of seeing it all, I can clearly see why your family and friends would think it plausible that some of the worldly possessions that are uniquely you should leave this world with you. After all, you never know when you’re going to need them.

“I’ve heard of dead rock stars

being buried with their favorite

guitar or a bottle of Jack Daniels

or whatever they held near and

dear in the land of the living.”

Bury The Hatchet, And Other Stuff

Chuck Crowder

Life In The ‘NoogOPINION

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts.


A web comic that I frequent, XKCD, had a strip last week about wine. Wine connoisseurs believe that there are worlds to be discovered within every sip. The strip made the argument that there are worlds within everything, so long as you look at it through the right microscope. According to the strip, our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit. I majored in English in college and was subsequently trained to resize everything I read, attempt-ing to draw the maximum amount of meaning from a work and mold my worldview with it. This has clearly informed my ability to appreciate any type of artwork; I must dissect and examine every aspect of my entertainment, sometimes to the detriment of my enjoyment. It can be both exhilarating and disappointing.

I wish at times that I could simply allow myself to expe-rience, without judgment or pretense. But then I wouldn’t get much work as a critic. Woody Allen’s most recent film, the sleeper hit Midnight in Paris, examines the creation of art, the experiences that surround it, and the joy of letting go of the past in order to live in the present. It is a love letter to the city of Paris and the past that belongs to its streets and alleyways.

Gil (Owen Wilson) is a re-covering Hollywood screen-writer vacationing with his fiancée and her family in the City of Light. He is enam-ored with Paris, wishing that he could have lived there in the ’20s as struggling novel-

ist, experiencing the nightlife, waxing po-etic about the beauty of the rain. Inez (Ra-chel McAdams) is a rich girl annoyed with Gil’s romanticism, wanting only to plan her lavish wedding with her mother. She belongs to a family who refers to service workers as “the help” and enjoys having things explained to her in trite, easily di-gestible nuggets. She and Gil have the type of relationship that begs the question of why they are together in the first place. The answer is “to drive the plot and teach Gil a lesson”, of course, but while there may be a touch of formula to the film, it works well.

One night after drinking at a party, Gil parts ways with his fiancée and wanders the streets of Paris alone. He loses his way and sits on a stoop to collect his thoughts. An antique car appears, with well-dressed, happily drunk people inside. They invite Gil to join them and he is transported back in time to Twenties Paris, where he interacts with notable people, such as F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, and Gertrude Stein. He also meets the mistress of Pablo Picasso, inspiration for a particular painting, and promptly falls in love. Afterwards, the action follows a typical romantic comedy plot, but delves deeply into discussions of art and beauty.

Midnight in Paris isn’t a perfect film. It criticizes knowledge for the sake of knowledge, knowledge without understand-ing, but throws obscure artists and references at the viewer. While I consider myself fairly well educated, I know little about art history. Several of the jokes are aimed at an audi-ence far above the typical American, which at times creates a false sense of superiority to audiences with more practical tal-

ents. Woody Allen has little patience for anyone without a tertiary knowledge of 1920s art, mak-ing him somewhat guilty of the thought processes of the very people he is lam-pooning. Perhaps he understands this hypocrisy, making a statement on top of a statement. This film will turn off a lot of viewers, because it is easy to get lost in

the sea of names and characters. At the same time, for those of us who do understand the jokes, there is a lot to enjoy; the scene where Gil explains his ability to time travel to a group of surrealists, including Salvador Dali, is particularly amusing.

I appreciate the Majestic 12 for showing a film like this. It is doubtful that it will be well attended or any sort of money-maker. My showing had a smattering of older filmgoers, less than 15 people total. It is unfortunate, as there are potentially many UTC students that would find it entertaining, particu-larly those that haunt the hallways of Holt and the Fine Arts Center. Midnight in Paris is intelligent and whimsical, funny and charming, well made and well received. It shows that Woody Allen can still make good films—and not all of them have to take place in New York.

Film FeatureSCREEN

The Last Time I Saw ParisBy John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic

“Midnight in Paris examines the creation of art, the experiences that surround it, and the joy of letting go of the past in order to live in the present.”

Midnight in ParisDirected by Woody AllenStarring Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Marion CotillardRated PG-13Running time: 1 hour, 34 minutes


Solution To Last Week's Crossword

Free Will AstrologyENTERTAINMENT

CANCER (June 21-July 22): A while back I asked my readers to propose a new name for your astrological sign. “Cancer” has a bit of a negative connotation, after all. Many people suggested “Dolphin” as a replacement, which I like. But the two ideas that most captivated my imagina-tion were “Gateway” and “Fount.” I probably won’t be able to convince the astrological community to permanently adopt either of these uplifting designations, but I encour-age you to try out them out to see how they feel. This is a good time to experiment: For the next 12 months, you will have substantial potential to embody the highest meanings of both “Gateway” and “Fount.”

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The year’s half over, Leo. Let’s talk about what you want to make happen in the next six months. My analysis of the astrological omens suggests that it’ll be an excellent time to formulate a long-term master plan and outline in detail what you will need to carry it out. For inspiration, read this pep talk from philosopher Jonathan Zap: “An extremely effective and grounded mag-ical practice is to identify your big dreams, the missions you really need to accomplish in this lifetime. The test of a big dream comes from asking yourself, ‘Will I remember this well on my death bed?’ If you have a big dream, you will probably find that to accomplish it will require a minimum of two hours of devoted activity per day.”

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “The passion to explore is at the heart of being human,” said Carl Sagan. “This impulse—to go, to see, to know—has found expression in every cul-ture.” But Steven Dutch, a professor at the University of Wisconsin, disagrees. He says there’ve been lots of societies that have had little interest in exploration. Africans never discovered Madagascar or the Cape Verde archipelago, for example. Few Asian cultures probed far and wide. During a thousand years of history, ancient Romans ignored Russia, Scandinavia, and the Baltic, and made only minimal for-ays to India and China. Where do you personally fit on the scale of the human exploratory urge, Virgo? Regardless of what you’ve done in the past, I bet you’ll be on the move in the coming months. Your hunger for novelty and unfamil-iarity should be waxing.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the coming months, it’s likely you will experience more action than usual—some of it quite expansive—in your astrological eighth house. Tradi-tional astrologers call this the sphere of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, but I refer to it as the realm of deep connection, altered states of awareness, and lyrical interludes that edu-cate and enrich your emotional intelligence. Are you ready to have your habit mind rewired, your certainties reworked, and your pleasures reconfigured?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I hope that in the first half of 2011 you have been doing some devoted work on tidy-ing up the messy old karma that had been interfering with the free flow of grace into your intimate relationships. If there’s still work to be done on that noble task, throw your-self into it now. The renaissance of togetherness is due to begin soon and last for many months. You don’t want any lingering ignorance, self-deceit, or lack of compassion to gum it up.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 1498, Leonardo da Vinci completed one of his masterworks, the mural known as “The Last Supper.” Nineteen years later, the paint had begun to flake off, and by 1556 Leonardo’s biographer con-sidered the whole thing to be “ruined.” Over the centu-ries, further deterioration occurred, even as many experts tried to restore and repair it. The most recent reclamation project, finished in 1999, lasted more than two decades. I hope that in the coming months, Sagittarius, you will show a similar dedication to the high art of regeneration. Please work long and hard on bringing vitality back into what has fallen into decay or stagnancy.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In a horoscope last year, I asked you Capricorns whether you ever obsessed on your longing to such a degree that you missed opportunities to actually satisfy your longing. In response, a reader named John G. sent me the following corrective message: “We Capricorns comprehend the futility of too much long-ing. We understand it can be a phantasm that gets in the way of real accomplishment. It’s like a telephone that keeps ringing somewhere but can’t be found. We don’t waste en-ergy on dreamy feelings that may or may not be satisfied, since that energy is so much better funneled into master-ing the details that will bring us useful rewards.” I’m here to tell you, Capricorn, that the coming months will be an excellent time to make use of the Capricornian capacities John G. describes.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you,” sang Bob Marley. “You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” How are you doing on that score, Aquarius? Have you been discerning in picking out allies whose value to you is so high that you’re willing to deal with their moments of unconsciousness? Have you created a family and community that bless you far more than they drain you? The next ten months will be an excellent time to concentrate on refining this part of your life.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Any minute now, you might start learning at a faster rate than you have since 2000. Any day now, you will be less bored than you have been since 2006, and any week now you will be expressing more spontaneity than you have since early 2010. Any month now, Pisces, you will find yourself able to access more of your visionary intelligence than you have since maybe 2007. What does it all mean? You may not feel an amaz-ing, spectacular, extraordinary degree of personal unity tomorrow, but you will soon begin building toward that happy state. By December I bet you’ll be enjoying an un-precedented amount of it.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): When astronaut Buzz Aldrin flew to the moon and back on the spacecraft Apollo 11 in 1969, he was paid less than $8 a day. That has to stand as one of the most flagrant cases of underpaid labor ever—far worse than what you’ve had to endure in your storied career. I suggest you keep Aldrin’s story in mind during the next six months as you meditate steadily on the future of your relationship with making money. Hopefully it will help keep you in an amused and spacious and philosophical frame of mind—which is the best possible attitude to have as you scheme and dream about your financial master plan for the years ahead.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): After meditating on your astrological omens for the rest of 2011, I’ve picked out the guiding words that best suit your needs. They’re from my-thologist Joseph Campbell: “If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.” Now here’s a corollary from Spanish poet Antonio Machado: “Wanderer, your footsteps are the road, nothing more; there is no road—you make the road by walking. Turning to look behind, you see the path you will never travel again.”

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Emma Goldman (1869-1940) was a charismatic activist whose writing and speeches had a big impact on leftist politics in the first half of the 20th century. Unlike some of her fellow travelers, she wasn’t a dour, dogmatic proselytizer. She championed a kind of lib-eration that celebrated beauty and joy. “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be in your revolution,” she is alleged to have told a sourpuss colleague. As you contemplate the radical transformations you might like to cultivate in your own sphere during the coming months, Gemini, I suggest you adopt a similar attitude. Make sure your uprisings include pleasurable, even humorous elements. Have some fun with your metamorphoses.


Jonesin' Crossword — "Set Us Free"ENTERTAINMENT

Jonesin' Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0526

Across1 Convoluted beyond common sense13 Former member of Congress14 They fly throughout the U.K. (not to be confused with the American carrier)15 Govt. program that backs school grants16 ___ Solo17 Mauna ___ Observatory18 Bierce who wrote “The Devil’s Dictionary”20 Louvre Pyramid archi-tect I.M.21 Zero, on some score-cards24 Line up the crosshairs again25 “Shoot!”26 First name in “The Last King of Scotland”27 Amphibian who used to have a “Wild Ride” at Disneyland29 Olympics chant30 ___-Xers

31 Corked item. maybe32 It may range from beach castles to Buddhist mandalas35 “Ni ___!” (Hello, in China)36 French vacation spot, maybe37 TV “Science Guy” Bill38 “___ never work”40 CEO, in general: abbr.41 Console that included Super Mario World, for short42 Borden’s spokescow43 Make eggs44 Abbreviated single on Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album45 It’s mainly done with the fingers47 Rubbery Nickelodeon toy substance of the 1990s48 Sparks of “Queer As Folk”49 Cash dispenser50 Cameroon, Mozam-

bique, et al.56 Teacher’s request to prevent blurting out57 Items that line baby’s crib

Down1 Short reply?2 One of the U.S. Virgin Islands3 Some butters in lotions4 Carried5 Gothic novelist Radcliffe6 “Later,” in some text messages7 Place to get Squishees8 “___ the Money”9 Former sound system company10 Genetic messenger material11 Susan of “The Partridge Family”12 Sophs, two years later13 It’s got a little charge in it14 “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” character

15 Government policy tool for agriculture19 Duran Duran album of 198220 “El Condor ___”21 Alarm clock setting22 Pie-in-the-sky types23 Tile alternative25 Surfer guys28 He played Hans Chris-tian Andersen33 No, to Nikita34 It starts during the Trojan War39 ___ carte41 Rubber band for braces adjustment45 Like some cheddar46 Yoga variety47 Crux50 Pitcher’s asset51 Gp. with plane dealings?52 Dye brand in the drug store53 P.O. boxes, e.g.54 Sorority letters55 Turn-___ (centerfold’s likes)


Dear Mexican,Just suppose that all of the southwest-

ern United States had remained in Mexi-can hands. Would the Mexicans have done any better with it than they have with the present confines of Mexico? — Reversible Reconquista?

Dear Gabacho,The gran parlor game! If we turn

back the clock and changed a couple of things—if Austin, Houston, and their fellow invading gabachos actually became Mexican citizens respecting the rule of the land instead of merely pretending to become so, if Mexico hadn’t suffered the theft of its lands or nearly gone bankrupt spending so much money in battling its ravenous neighbor to the north—would Mexico have been better off?

The easy answer is sí—more land in a country generally means more possibilities for develop-ment, and California’s 1849 Gold Rush (truly made the American Southwest the mecca it became for Americans) would’ve happened on Mexican soil, meaning Mexico would’ve been the beneficiary of all those prospecting migrants and subsequent worldwide attention. Not having Texas secede from Mexico would’ve also hastened the demise of Antonio López de Santa Anna: sure, his embarrassing defeat at the manos of the Texians forced him out of office, but he returned again and again. Santa Anna’s megalomania, left un-checked, would’ve inspired a true coup instead of

many temporary ones. And with no neoco-

lonial ties left—with no debts to any European powers due to fighting so many wars, with no appropriating of natural resources and lands by American industrial-ists taking advantage of a weak country, and with the United States itself weaker due to the lack of a Southwest and

all of its subsequent treasures—Mexico would’ve been in a much-stronger position to enter the In-dustrial Revolution and emerge a better, reformed land. Of course, it’s just a parlor game, just like Arizona Senator John McCain blaming illegal Mexicans for starting devastating forest fires with no hard proof—except ours is responsible and fun, while his is just pendejo.

Dear Mexican,I know many Mexican names translate to

English: Michael is Miguel, Juan is John, and so forth. Mexican names seem rooted in the Bible in general (everyone knows a Mexican named Jesús with a best buddy named Gabriel right?). My name is Adam, and I don’t know what the Mexican version of Adam is. I think there isn’t one. Every time I order at a restaurant and the cashier is Mexican and they

ask my name, I check the receipt and it’s wrong. They have a hard time pronouncing it too. I’ve got receipts back before with Asham, Awarm, Alad, Aman, Aden. Mexicans seem devoutly religious. Do they not read Genesis, or is there a mexicano version of Adam and Eve with different names? — Gabacho Y Eva

Dear Gabacho,If you bothered to

read the Spanish version of Genesis, you’d know “Adam” is Adán. Next!

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: The Ameri-can Immigration Council (AIC) sounds like a creepy front group for Know Nothings, but it’s actually the nonprofit arm of the American Immi-gration Lawyers Association, whose members do the Lord’s work by helping migrants from across the world enter this great land. The AIC actively fights Know Nothings, honors immigrants year-round, and is publishing Green Card Stories in the fall, a beautiful book featuring the inspiring stories of immigrants who came to los Estados Unidos from across the globe. More information on these mensches at americanimmigrationcouncil.org

Gustavo Arellano

Call Me AdamAsk A MexicanOPINION

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at [email protected], be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at www.youtube.com/askamexicano!

“My name is Adam, and I

don’t know what the Mexican

version of Adam is. I think there

isn’t one.”

The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 26

Documents

Transcript of The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 26