The Psychology of The Psychology of LoveLove

ReflectReflect

►Name somebody you love. Why do you Name somebody you love. Why do you love them?love them?

►Describe two people you know are in Describe two people you know are in love. How do you know they love each love. How do you know they love each other?other?

I.I. WHY DO HUMANS FALL WHY DO HUMANS FALL IN LOVE?IN LOVE?

I.I. Why Humans Fall in LoveWhy Humans Fall in Love

A. Proximity1. space/time continuum E=MC2. *Mere Exposure Effect

Repeated exposure to novel stimuli (nonsense syllables, musical selections, geometric figures, Chinese characters, human faces, or the letters of our own name, strange foods,) increases our liking for them (Moreland & Zajonc, 1982; Nuttin, 1987)►Have you ever heard… “I didn’t really like him/her at first, then one day I just did.”?

I.I. Why Humans Fall in LoveWhy Humans Fall in Love

B. Affect (feeling)1. Attribution Theory: we tend to give a

causal explanation for someone’s behavior, often by crediting either the situation or the person’s disposition.

2. Events which are not a part of the person but happen in connection with the

person affect the way we feel about that person. For example, if we have a shared good time (action), we tend to (attribute) it to the (person) we are with. Part I Part II

I.I. Why Humans Fall in LoveWhy Humans Fall in Love

C. Physical Attractiveness (read attachment)

1. Neurotransmitters 2. Hormones3. Familiarity – we are more likely

to be attracted to similar others (mere exposure … to our own faces?)

ArticlesArticles

►Read researchRead research►AnnotateAnnotate

Hilite/underline important informationHilite/underline important information Comment in the margins (at least once Comment in the margins (at least once

per page) – What are your thoughts about per page) – What are your thoughts about the reading?the reading?

II.II. What Keeps Love What Keeps Love Going?Going?

II.II. What Keeps Love Going?What Keeps Love Going?

A. EQUITY THEORY A=BAs long as both people in a

relationship are giving/getting equally, there is satisfaction in the relationship.

*Reciprocity Norm Think of a relationship you have of this nature….

II. What Keeps Love Going?II. What Keeps Love Going?

B. SOCIAL EXCHANGE THEORYThis is a mathematical equation for

love: Love = f (B-C)Love is a function of benefits minus cost.What could some benefits be? Costs?

Can you think of a relationship you have for which the benefits DO outweigh the costs? Describe.

Types of LoveTypes of Love

III.III. Types of LoveTypes of LoveA.A. Limerence:Limerence: an intense, temporaryan intense, temporary

unreasoned longing for another personunreasoned longing for another person► Found in new and undeveloped relationshipsFound in new and undeveloped relationships► Not just romanticNot just romantic

B. Passionate Love: intensely emotional state in which tender and sexual feelings, elation and

pain, anxiety and relief, altruism and jealousy coexist in a confusion of feelings. It has been said that the experience of passionate love combines physical arousal with the perception that the arousal is evoked by the beloved. (attribution theory)

III.III. Types of LoveTypes of Love

C. Companionate Love: the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined.

Characteristics include:

TRUSTCARINGTOLERANCE OF THE PARTNER’S FLAWS AND IDIOSYNCRASIESAN EMOTIONAL TYPE OF WARMTH AND AFFECTION (RATHER THAN AN EMOTIONAL

PASSION)

III.III. Types of LoveTypes of Love

The Triangular Theory of Love:The Triangular Theory of Love:

L = characteristic is LOWL = characteristic is LOW

H = characteristic is HIGHH = characteristic is HIGHI = Intimacy I = Intimacy

(closeness, sharing, self-disclosure, giving)(closeness, sharing, self-disclosure, giving)

P = PassionP = Passion

(sexual attraction, romantic feelings)(sexual attraction, romantic feelings)

C = CommitmentC = Commitment

(cognitive, intention to remain in relationship)(cognitive, intention to remain in relationship)

  

 intimacy

 passion

 commitment

 nonlove

 low

 low

 low 

liking high

 low

 low 

infatuated love

 low

 high

 low

 romantic love

 high

 high

 low

 empty love

 low

 low

 high 

 companionate love

 high

 low

 high

 fatuous love

 low

 high

 high

 consummate love

 high

 high

 high

CHOCOLATECHOCOLATEChocolate.ppt

Make a CREATIVE Valentine or Love Letter that:

 1. CLEARLY depicts the type of love you chose, WITHOUT saying the following:a. Passionb. Commitment c. Intimacyd.The word on the paper you drew*You MUST use the words listed on three Dove chocolate wrappers. 2. Use any/all supplies you need:a. Paperb. Bins3. Write your names on the back4. Write your type of love on the BACK5. Teacher Test – I should know what

type of love it is from the wording/letter. If you have to give it away, you lose points.

LoveLoveLisa Diamond, University of UtahLisa Diamond, University of Utah

► What do psychologists What do psychologists know about love?know about love?

► What are What are obstacles obstacles to to studying love?studying love?

► Is love Is love universal?universal?► How is our (American) How is our (American)

culture culture distinctive?distinctive?► What is the “new” What is the “new” kind kind

of love?of love?► What are the What are the health health

implications implications of love?of love?

Obstacles to Studying LoveObstacles to Studying Love

►We want “real” science with “real” We want “real” science with “real” implications… nothing fluffy.implications… nothing fluffy.

►Don’t ruin it for everybody.Don’t ruin it for everybody.►We already know everything.We already know everything.►Myth #1 – Isn’t it just common sense?Myth #1 – Isn’t it just common sense?

Is Love Universal?Is Love Universal?Kariak and FischerKariak and Fischer

► 186 cultures studied186 cultures studied► 6 geographical regions6 geographical regions► 80% of them showed:80% of them showed: preoccupation with lovepreoccupation with love preoccupation with passionpreoccupation with passion symptoms of “love sickness”symptoms of “love sickness” separation distressseparation distress great effort to be with “loved great effort to be with “loved

ones”ones” all have art/music about loveall have art/music about love** The other 20% didn’t have The other 20% didn’t have

enough information to determine enough information to determine this informationthis information

How is the Modern West How is the Modern West Distinctive?Distinctive?

(North American/Western (North American/Western European)European)

► We view “passion” as a positiveWe view “passion” as a positive► We expect “passion” in a partnershipWe expect “passion” in a partnership► Partnerships are personal decisions, not groupPartnerships are personal decisions, not group► We have HIGH expectations for our matesWe have HIGH expectations for our mates► Our relationships/marriages don’t last as long… but Our relationships/marriages don’t last as long… but

we do live longer…we do live longer…

Partner Quiz Partner Quiz – What – What does research say?does research say?

*Jot notes on quiz form as we evaluate *Jot notes on quiz form as we evaluate them.them.

OptionsOptions::1.1.Your partnerYour partner

2.2.Someone you want to dateSomeone you want to date

3.3.Fictional/other coupleFictional/other couple

4.4.Past relationshipPast relationship

Romantic Love and the BrainRomantic Love and the Brain

►Dr. Helen FisherDr. Helen Fisher

►Dr. Helen Fisher

““New Love” - Tennov’s New Love” - Tennov’s ResearchResearch

► Companionate and Passionate Love existCompanionate and Passionate Love exist► But there is a new kind of love to go along with it But there is a new kind of love to go along with it

(or exist on its own)(or exist on its own)► LIMERENCELIMERENCE

(she made up the word, because it didn’t exist)(she made up the word, because it didn’t exist)

LIMERENCELIMERENCE

► Defined as: Defined as: an intense, temporaryan intense, temporaryunreasoned longing for another personunreasoned longing for another person

Found in new and undeveloped relationshipsFound in new and undeveloped relationships Not just romanticNot just romantic An INTENSE crush – way more than infatuationAn INTENSE crush – way more than infatuation

► Comes before Comes before ___________.___________.► May exist on its own without romance.May exist on its own without romance.► Characterized by:Characterized by:

1.1. intensity of feeling (obsession)intensity of feeling (obsession)2.2. NOT SEXUALNOT SEXUAL3.3. mental preoccupationmental preoccupation

Characteristics of Limerence Characteristics of Limerence ContinuedContinued

4.4. hyper-attentiveness to the other personhyper-attentiveness to the other person5.5. fear of rejection (EVERYTHING is scrutinized)fear of rejection (EVERYTHING is scrutinized)6.6. proximity seeking proximity seeking 7.7. goal is reciprocity (return the feeling)goal is reciprocity (return the feeling)8.8. hope followed by uncertainty hope followed by uncertainty 9.9. ploys and plays for attentionploys and plays for attention10.10. mood dependencymood dependency11.11. physical symptoms (stress)physical symptoms (stress)12.12. obstacles intensify the feelings (parents)obstacles intensify the feelings (parents)13.13. ONE targetONE target14.14. priority shiftpriority shift15.15. TEMPORARY !!!!TEMPORARY !!!!

Whom do we feel this for?Whom do we feel this for?

►ANYONEANYONE FriendFriend A person who meets our general criteria A person who meets our general criteria

for a potential “mate”for a potential “mate” Someone who might potentially Someone who might potentially

RECIPROCATERECIPROCATE Someone for whom we feel uncertainSomeone for whom we feel uncertain

► IT COULD BE IT COULD BE ANYONEANYONE

What keeps it going?What keeps it going?

► HopeHope COMBINED WITH COMBINED WITH the the potentialpotential for for reciprocity.reciprocity.

► It’s very BEHAVIORAL It’s very BEHAVIORAL in nature… the thought in nature… the thought of potential of potential reciprocation keeps reciprocation keeps reinforcing the reinforcing the behavior… little hints behavior… little hints serve to keep it goin’serve to keep it goin’

How do you make it stop?How do you make it stop?

► STOP the STOP the reinforcementreinforcement

► STOP ALL CONTACTSTOP ALL CONTACT► Zero stimulation = Zero stimulation =

Zero reinforcementZero reinforcement► Stop ALL potential Stop ALL potential

for hopefor hope

Implications for Future LoveImplications for Future Love

►Will it always be like this?Will it always be like this?►PassionPassion►Companionate LoveCompanionate LovePassionPassion

2 years2 years

AttachmentAttachment

Health Implications of LOVEHealth Implications of LOVE

► When a person is “in love,” their STRESS reaction is When a person is “in love,” their STRESS reaction is reduced (cortisol low, calm, BP low)reduced (cortisol low, calm, BP low)

► People LIVE longer if they are in a close relationshipPeople LIVE longer if they are in a close relationship► People have FEWER cardiovascular problems if they People have FEWER cardiovascular problems if they

are in a sustained close relationshipare in a sustained close relationship► LOVE IS GOOD FOR YOU LOVE IS GOOD FOR YOU

Questions?Questions?