The Polyamorists Next Door: Understanding Multiple- partner Relationships Elisabeth Sheff Georgia...
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Transcript of The Polyamorists Next Door: Understanding Multiple- partner Relationships Elisabeth Sheff Georgia...
The Polyamorists Next Door: Understanding Multiple-partner
RelationshipsElisabeth Sheff
Georgia State University
What is Polyamory? Openly conducted non-monogamous relationshipsEmphasis on communication, negotiation, self-
reflection, and honestyNot swinging – focused on emotional connectionNot polygyny – same rules for men and womenNot cheating – openly negotiated
Polyamorous Families Some composed of all adults, though my research
focuses on those with children Most commonly an “open couple” with additional
partnersLess frequently cohabitational triads, quads, or
“moresomes” Very similar to other families of sexual minorities,
especially gay and lesbian families
Longitudinal Poly Family Study Wave I 1996 - 2003: all adults, 20 men and 20
women interviewed, extensive participant observation, no contact information
Wave II 2007 - 2008: all adults, 15 previous respondents and 31 new additions interviewed
Wave III 2009 – present: 8 children and 13 (new) of their important adults
Total sample 92 interviewees, 500 participant observation
Sample CharacteristicsWhite Middle classHighly educatedLiberalsBisexual women, heterosexual menUrban or suburban dwellersOverlap with other non-conformists – pagans, gamers,
geeks, kinksters, sci-fi fans, SCA and LARPers
ResultsLimited generalizability
Unknown universe means impossible to gain representative sample
Small sample size, especially of childrenSelection bias and attempts to remedy
Even so characteristic of mainstream poly communities in United States
Only longitudinal study of polyamory to date
Reported Advantages Emotional intimacy Expanded resources
AttentionMoneyExpertiseFlexibility
Consciously created familyMore freedomQuestion other elements of social convention More communication
Reported Disadvantages ComplicatedTime consumingChildren become attached to partners who leaveStigma management
Strategies to Deal with Disadvantages Emotional protection
Extensive contact and communication prior to introducing lovers to children
Clarify with children who is a family member Require lovers to establish independent relationships
with childrenKeep some lovers separate from family
Stigma managementEmotional PassingLiving in accepting areas
Concluding Remarks Children doing extremely well
Born into positions of social privilege (race, class, education) Additional resources enrich lives Consciously constructed families more reflexive Active agents - do not assume all adults will be parental
figures
Larger more diverse sample might produce divergent results
Future research Longitudinal contact with sample More diverse practitioners Continued contact with those who leave poly lifestyle