The Over 9000 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins

Story by: Jihoon Lee and Niv M.,

Trefz, bio honors, p. 4Characters by: Theodore Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss

Close Encounters with the Third King

Once upon a time, Bartholomew “Bart Simpson” Cubbins was in the local market when King Derwin, the third king of the Democratic People’s Republic of Warcraft, arrived. It was customary to remove one’s hat in the presence of a king. Bart proceeded to do so. But he wasn’t prepared for the attack of the lice…

Take off your hat, boy.

Sure. But my hair is a bit itchy…

Premonition The lice had a premonition that this would happen and started preparing for the separation, as one-half of the population needed to stay to provide parasitic energy to the ones on the discarded hat. They arranged each other in a special position and started to trade body parts for better lives when they separate, and also tried to duplicate the hat so that the ones living on hair will have a new home. The housing units for the louse colony began to disintegrate.

I’ll trade an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth…

SeveranceTo promote new life, louse couples lined up and separated through highways which were large groups of Bart’s long and wavy hair.

See you later!

Kay.

Extreme Makeover When Bart finally got to take his first hat off, he found two hats, one on his head and the other being held in his hand. He noticed that they both were different. Inside, the housing units were built again.

??

The Clone WarsMeanwhile, a civil war broke out on both hats that caused lice to be lined up and stretched on the highways. All lice got cut in half because of the conflict, into symmetrical halves, and each of the hats divided once more; the housing units were destroyed and reconstructed once again in the new hats. The half lice did not die, however; they were placed in cryogenic storage waiting to meet with other half-lice and duplicate into full lice later.

Housing unit down!!! Evacuate immediately!

Yes, sir!

Two for TwoAt this point, Bart was unknowingly holding two different hats and was wearing two other different hats. The two hats on his head fell off due to the wind and another hat formed with a full set of lice couples.

Additional hatsThe lice kept dividing like this every time Bart tried to take off a hat. The army decided to put him in a labor camp as a political prisoner for not taking off his hat properly. It looked like the hat was a living organism, so they decided to shoot and kill the hat on his head to prevent more divisions. Unfortunately, none of the lice were killed.

Nothing’s happening…

Even more hats!Despite the valiant efforts of the glorious People’s Army of Warcraft, the hats went on dividing. It then recruited the help of the Warcraft People’s Air Force and Navy, which did intense naval shelling and bombing on Bart’s hat. Luckily Bart survived, but so did the lice. He took off his hat again and more appeared.

……………

Bernard Madoff Comes Over

After the failure of the Warcraft military, King Derwin decided to bring over Bernard Madoff, with his excellent stealing skills, from the United States. Unfortunately, he only was able to take off one hat.

My telepathic stealing skills are only partially working!!!

North Korea would like to have those skills…

It’s Over 9000!!!!!The hats were forming too fast. In total, the lice kept dividing in this manner 2251 times and finally reached 9004 hats. After the final division, one of the hats with half-lice stayed on his head and division ended; they needed to construct additional pylons but had too few minerals.

Anger ManagementKing Derwin became frustrated and said "GIVE IT TO ME!" and took the hat. Then there was no hat on Bart's head.

½ + ½ ≠ 1The King put the hat on his head along with his crown, upon which the 1/2 lice united in pairs and became 2 1/2 lice each (although they did not become whole lice because they were not entirely symmetrical or compatible.)

Birth of the Super-Fancy Hat

The King said “YES!!!” because the combined crown and Bart's hat became a super-fancy hat.

And BartholomewCubbins lived

happily ever after with his family.

This is even better than my free 10,000-day trial of North Korean Starcraft!

Relations w/ Meiosis Part IThe events starting from the destruction of the lice housing to the creation of the first pair of hats in each cycle is meiosis I.

The destruction of housing and the exchange of body parts (synapsis and crossing-over) represents prophase I

The line up and separation of lice couples represents metaphase I and anaphase I (highways = mitotic spindle, lined up on metaphase plate)

Creation of new housing units (nuclei) and new hats (separate cells) in the first division represents telophase I and cytokinesis

½ louse = 1 sister chromatid 1 whole louse = 2 sister chromatid 1 louse couple = 2 homologous chromosomes

Relations w/ Meiosis Part IIThe events of the civil war and its aftermath represent meiosis II.

The civil war (destruction of housing units, or the nuclei) represents prophase II

The line up and separations of half-lice on the highways are representative of metaphase II and anaphase II

Formation of new hats represent telophase II and cytokinesis

Not enough minerals meant that the cells had insufficient material or reached a stop checkpoint to produce more gametes

Relations w/ FertilizationKing Derwin’s action of grabbing the hat, putting it on his head, and the crown and hat turning into a super-hat (representative of zygote) is representative of fertilization.

Works Cited Image sources:

Microsoft Office 2007 Clip Art http://traitorjoe.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/madoff2.jpg (Bernard Madoff) http://images.newstatesman.com/articles/2008/1033/20080915northkorea_w.jpg (North Korean soldier with

binoculars) http://www.tapirback.com/tapirgal/gifts/friends/insects/louse-stuffed-f1566.jpg (stuffed louse doll) http://www.fultonengineeredspecialties.com/images/cryogenic_storage_tank.jpg (nitrogen tank) http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v645/clearout/H2-LOGO.jpg (Half-Life video game logo) http://www.tonyrogers.com/images/weapons/tomahawk_01_large.jpg (Tomahawk cruise missile) http://www.nps.gov/pub_aff/maritime/USS_Cowpens_CG63.jpg (frigate with missile launching) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:444kc1.jpg (tank firing) http://americanhistory.si.edu/militaryhistory/img/graphics/1682_l.jpg (bomber aircraft) http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ea/BB61_USS_Iowa_BB61_broadside_USN.jpg (battleship, inverted) http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/73/Kim-jong-il_portrait.jpg (Kim Jong Il picture #3) www.genetics.gsk.com/graphics/meiosis-big.gif (both meiosis diagrams) http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/brainiac/Kim%20jong%20il.jpg (Kim Jong-Il #1) http://www.broadband-finder.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/kimjongil.jpg (Kim Jong-Il #2) http://replicatorinc.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/world_of_warcraft_logo.jpg (Warcraft logo) http://www.supportusamilitary.org/Howitzer_firing.jpg (howitzer) http://www.simpsoncrazy.com/gallery/images/BartSimpson19.gif (Bart Simpson #2) http://rapturetogo.com/images/bart_simpson.jpg (Bart Simpson #1) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:070328-M-3378S-004.jpg (soldiers)

Bibliography: http://www.biology.arizona.edu/CELL_BIO/tutorials/meiosis/main.html https://eapbiofield.wikispaces.com/Erika+Exam+Review