The onl of wr yn t count - · PDF fileBig men are seldom alike ... We are all dam fools a...

C opyrighted 19 1 7

B y B ert M oses

The only thing actually requiredof a writer is to understood .

Syntax and prosody don’

t count .

OS

I'

B ert Moses

Written by One WhoTake L ife Too Seriously , and Intended

For People Not Fastid ious AboutAdd isonian English .

P rinted for tliékuthor byThe Roycrofters , at their ShOp ,

which i s in E ast Aurora ,

State of New York ,

in the year 191 7 .

A writer’

s ability 18 measured , notby the number of words he getsout of a gallon of ink , but by thein tel lec tual mi leage he covers .

©CLA4 7 9 7 6 5

M OSES IN PARAGRAPHS 7

HE problem of the world is to shiftHeaven nearer the E! uator and Hell

nearer the North Pole .

The idea of promoting a hair—growerseizes you mightily when you go into agallery and look down .

Crowds and coin go together . Ask BillySu nday how to separate them .

Seriousness is all right , but for God’

ssake laugh once in a while .

A Mormon is a man who over-estimateshis capacity .

8 MOSES IN PARAGRAPHS

LOON -KEEPERS and dogs should

ot feel humiliated because they haveto be licensed . The same distinction appliesto doctors and lawyers .

What a scurrying to cover there will bewhen i t is made a j ail offense to be a falseand fraudulent Congressman !

Every woman is peculiar to herself .same brand of hot air does n

’

t always

The man who invented cigarettes gotidea from a polecat .

Never mind the label—examine the goods .

MOSES IN PARAGRAPHS 9

ASHION names the color of your socksand the hang of your pants , yet many

of the great men in history went throughlife without either .

Truth is as elastic a word as soup ,

of which Heinz and Campbell make manyvarieties .

Pick for a wife a woman whose complexionis the work of God and not of a paint-brush .

Big men are seldom alike , but little folksare very much the same .

Tombstones are monuments to the futilityof medicine .

1 0 MOSES IN PARAGRAPHS

BOUT the only thing you can do todaywithout violating a law is to breathe .

ThankGod that Congress has kept its handsoff the ozone !

No matter which path you take—whetherosteopath , homeopath or allopath—it leadsbut to the grave .

A big advertisement does not add to thevalue of anything , but often adds to its cost .

When you succeed , you are a wise guy ,

and when you fail , you are a dub .

Culture rusts commonsense like waterrusts steel .

MOSES IN PARAGRAPHS 1 1

HE only difference between the thief andthe deadhead is this : One takes from

you when you don’

t know it , and the otherwhen you do .

Men who play their honesty up in theheadlines can be counted upon to hide theircrookedness in the small type that follows .

What boots it what remedy you take solong as you get well !

Businessmen who go into the newspapersgo ahead of those who stay out .

The penalty for knocking is to be knocked .


HEN I believe I am right , I do notgive so much as one-fourth of one

per cent of a continental dam whether othersagree with me or not .

Sing Sing is populated by peoplethought they could get away with it ,but did n

’

t.

I f there is any better remedy for sicknessthan behaving yourself , I do not know what

it is .

Most things have their ups andbut with taxes there is nothing but ups .

Honesty pays because dishonesty does n'

t .


HEN you get to the‘

Pearly Gates , aletter of recommendation from your

hired help will carry more weight than aletter from your preacher .

Next to a dress that fits in the back ,

nothing pleases a woman like a fake bargainsale .

An advertisement that sells goods is agood advertisement , even though its grammar be bad .

Don’

t go sofar with your fearlessness thatyou become a fool .

I t is the hang—over of the cocktail thathurts .


HE worst form of deliberate despotism isrepresented by the man who beats you

to the toilet-room in the morning and locksthe door .

Many of us escape j ail because the policedon

’

t know a lot of things about us that weknow about ourselves .

Q uite a few put a thing acrossonce , but men who do it twice are thefolks for me .

Cannibals eat their enemies , while civilized people shoot them and let them rot .

The world is full of earnest people who areheaded the wrong way .


!F the American Medical Association hadf been in existence at the time , it wouldhave haled jesus before a justice of the peacefor practising without a license .

We are all dam fools a part of the time .

All we can do is try to r educe the frequencyof the attacks .

The presents you get on your birthday donot compensate for the increase in your age .

To editors : Why not devote more spaceto facts and less to headlines !

The thing to do when a fact appears is tolook it squarely in the eye .


OC IETY consists largely of much paintand powder and little wearing apparel ,

thus exhibiting a marked disproportion ofcolor to cover .

Advertising is the gentle art of annexingthe other fellow

’

s coin without the assistanceof a dark—lantern and a j immy .

Keep your eyes upon the obscure manintent on a new idea . I t is he who has ever vj arred the world out of the ruts .

How much worse the itch would be if youcould not scratch !

Shun that man who commercializes his

virtues .


HEA

world is full of experts who can nottell an economic thesis from a kippered

herring or a fundamental principle from a .

cold fried egg .

The Church undertakes to fix you up forthe NextWorld , while Advertising fixes youup for This .

A bad habit sticks as tightly as thedrawers in a cheap bureau on a damp day .

The more you drink to the health ofothers , the more you inj ure your own .

Investigate all you please , but don'

t be asnooper .


T is well to put some trust in God , but themore you put in yourself , the higher will

the world rate you , including both Bradstreetand Dun .

The accumulation of more gold than weneed is not a recommendation fororchestra chair in Heaven .

Do not strike the boss for a raisemorning after a stag party .

A gentleman is a man who never claimsto be one .

Many men who talk truth do not tell it .

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F children were taught how to keep theirstomachs in good order as carefully as

they are taught grammar , the world would

be better off .

The increase in rubbernecks keeps pacewith the tendency to cut shirt waists lowerand lower , and skirts higher and higher .

Things in a bottle are overrated—whetherthey come from a drugstore or a boozebazaar .

How fortunate for the fish thatfi shermen j erk their poles too soon !

When taking castor-oil , take enough .


OU get the same exercise with an axthat you get with a golf-stick , and you

get a pile of wood for your efforts . Throwaway your golf-sticks and try an ax !

There is a good opening for a school toteach us how to get more of the gravy intoour mouths and less on our vests .

I f we can’

t be decent without codes ofethics , we can

’

t be with them .

Fashions may come and fashions may go ,but tailors

’

bills run on forever .

A cocktail lifts you up gently , but setsyou down hard .


HE chief mission of a banquet is toencourage the distilling industry and

supply an excuse for not showing up at theoffice next day .

When you come to touch the live wire ofLove , you will discover that experiencediffers widely from hearsay .

The names that loom largest in history arenames that stand for freedom and liberty .

One Paradise today is better than two

Paradises tomorrow .

There are more fake reformers than thereare fakirs .


HE trouble with quite a few women isthat they carry more notions on their

heads than in them . That is to say , theydisplay more millinery than mind .

The things we don’

t know and never canknow are legion , while the things we doknow are as few as I rishmen in ! erusalem .

A fine future lies before the man who i ssole proprietor and executor without bondof his own intellect .

A lot of men earn $ 10 a week , while a fewmen get a week without earning it .

With coal at $ 12 a ton , think of the fuelbill in hell !


HE day is coming when the doctor whodoes not pay for his advertising will be

looked upon as a man who has nothingworthy to sell .

Find me a woman who tells the truthabout her age , and I will find you a fisherman who tells the actual weight of his catch .

The idea is abhorrent that a man cankeep opinions out of a newspaper by puttingads in it .

To be able to tell a big thing from a litt lething is the distinguishing mark of greatness .

All is not lost when you lose your credityou can go to work for a living .


HE time to buy is when prices are down ,

and the time to sell is when prices areup , but few who go into Wall Street seemto know this .

Many laws are not intended for the goodof the public , their chief end being to supplyfees to disputatious lawyers .

I t is one of the eternal verities that whenyou pay a cheap price , you carry away acheap package .

Don’

t put undue faith in a man who talksabout a thing , but does not work at it .

Love is very fine until you get more of itthan you can use .


HE turning point in every man’

s lifecomes when he begins to think of em

ploying others instead of looking for othersto employ him .

What you hand the other fellow will inturn be handed to you , it being merely a

question of time.

Nature has the correspondence schoolbeaten a block in producing smart people .

Moral suasion may work occasionallywith a mule , but never with a benzine buggy .

C arrylng out the ashes in Hades must be areal man

’

s job .


HERE is keener joy in making yourown living than in inheriting a living

from your forebears , but you have to tryboth ways to find it out .

I know of no waste quite so conspicuousas that exhibited by a pretty woman whenshe kisses a small boy .

A great many people go into churchthe business they can get out of it .

Advertisers are not made in colleges ,in shirt-sleeves and overalls .

The truth that hurts most is thetruth of all .


AT is so pathetic as the man beckg the undertaker with nothing

accomplished during life but the accumulation of dollars and dividends !

There are two periods in a woman’

s lifewhen she is hard to understand—before youmarry her and after .

You can work yourself out of a job easierthan you can work yourself in .

A man does fairly well if he succeedsbeing 5 ! per cent good .

Love , like an automobile , needs two brakes .


!

F you want to pass along sweet satisfaction and solace to a woman , tell her her

dress fits perfectly across the shoulders andover the hips .

Any man who regulates his moralsrules he reads in a book has n

’

t gotmorals .

Three men can discuss a thing to death !

while one man alone is putting it across .

I f you want people to believe youhonest , do not be too noisy about it .

The cost of living is what you makeand no more .


HE men. most to be relied upon are thosewho confess that they know little , but

what they do know is the result of theirown experience .

Fortunate beyond calculation is that boywho comes out of college Wl tl'l as muchcommonsense as he had when he went in .

When a man blows about his honesty , I

feel safer if there is a C Op in the neighborhood .

When a man has more education than hecan use , he becomes a nuisance .

Take off the wrapper and look insidethe outside does n

’

t count .


T was once thought that men who wearthe ermine are better than men who

don’

t , but this is now generally recognizedas not being true .

You get at a man’

s real character onlywhen you systematically come in contactwith his pocketbook .

People who outlive their ignorance ,ceed ; those who don

’

t , don’

t .

Big events rarely come to pass because ofethics , but in spite of it .

There are a great many decent peoplebesides you and me .


T

N looking for a man to run the businesswhen you are away , do not pick one who

is unduly anxious about harmony betweenhis necktie and socks

I f you have a hiatus in your head , youhad better

'

put in a screen to keep outbats .

Money that you earn buys joy , whilemoney that you don

’

t earn , don’

t .

The quickest way to lose a friend totouch him for a

Q uarreling is all right providing you putit off until tomorrow .


O as you please , and think as you please ,and say what you please , so long as you

observe the recognized common decenciesof your fellow men .

Walking is good exercisewhen you practisei t out of doors and not around a billiardtable .

I hate a lawsuit as much as a pure -foodconvention hates benzoate ! of soda .

Some little fellows have an awful bigpunch—for instance , the Corsican .

Among liars , the honest man standslike Roosevelt at a convention .


EH IND every big accomplishment thereis always one big man . The rest of the

crowd are only foothills at the base of themountain peak .

Keep your eye off the clock , and the bosswill say the right word to the cashier aboutyour pay-envelope .

You can generally spot a liar by the vocifer

ousness with which he proclaims his honesty .

Don’

t confuse success with money—theworld

’

s greatest men we re poor .

Ask yourself tonight if you are ashamed ofanything you did today .


F you think too much about grammar inwriting , the chances are

'

you won’

t saymuch of anything , even though you say itfaultlessly .

Grammar is something that always getsin your way when you want to say what youthink .

Going from public school to a job is preferable to going from private school to college .

Banish every thought of money for onewhole day , and it will be a day of happiness .

Feed the hungry man first , and ask hispedigree later on .


NY enterprise nowadays—whether religious , commercial or otherwise—which

leaves woman off the Board of Directors , isapt to be wobbly in the spine .

I t 18 good to drink whiskey occasionally ,

because you then know how much betteryou feel when you leave it alone .

I t consoles us a little to remember thatother folks have troubles worse than our own .

Fifty—one per cent of our habi ts are badand the other forty-nine per cent stupid .

Do not dig up the past of the man orwoman who is decent now .


IdPL OMAC Y is the fine art of gettingyour laundry from a Chinaman when

you have lost the t1cket .

The final test of honesty comes when youhave a chance to g et rid of a plugged dime ,but don

’

t .

Don’

t hit until you have to—then hithard and be doneWi th it .

Bulk is not so vital in a book as caloric ,amperes and ohms .

Be on the level , and great will be your

40 MOSES IN PARAGRAPHS ‘

N order that a few people may do nowork , it is necessary for many people to

do a lot of work .

A man’

s charity is not to be measured bywhat he gives , but by what he has left afte r

giving .

Science is simply common knowledgehand-tooled , sandpapered and manicured .

I f you are an acorn’

, do not try to be an

oak tree too soon .

Flaunted virtue is V ice behind anoise .


T is difficult to say who is most interestedin the death notices—the undertaker or

the lawyer .

The dividing line between the closeobserver and the rubberneck has not yetbeen defined by the Ladies

’

Home ! ournal .

To acquire friends is not difficult , but toacquire distinguished enemies calls for genius .

The man who does n’

t make his own relig !

ion has n’

t got any .

An honest man lays no claim to the titlehe just IS .


EEP and lasting is the gratitude youw » feel to the man who steers you to adrink on a Sunday in a tight town .

What money the doctors do not takeaway from you before you die the lawyersget after the event .

I f you want people to think you are smart ,tell them things they already know .

As between an artist’

s women and God’

swomen , give me God

'

s .

Even the wisest men are suckers forsomebody .

OME men prefer to scratch , becausescratching is easier than going after

them with a fine comb .

Al l attempts to produce genius by chart ,compass and card systems have not yetincreased the visible supply .

I t is quite as important to be honest yourself as to require honesty from others .

A patriot may be noisy , but it is not noisethat makes him a patriot .

You can not make yourself good by callingother people bad .


UC C ESS is something distinct and separate from dollars . Most men who have

run up great scores were poor .

The policeman’

s billy does not changehuman nature , but the world not yetfound it out .

No man is so deadly dull as he who doesnothing to which objection can be taken .

No man ever achieves greatness until hisenemies outnumber his friends .

Success is individual—nothing but theman himself counts .


OST reforms are all right , but manyreformers themselves should be doing

sixty days on the I sland .

The knowledge most menpossess is secondhand , and such knowledge rarely boosts itspossessor to the Board of Directors .

I would rather have a little money that Iearned than a lot of money that I did n

’

t .

A man may be altogether honest ,still be a hopeless boob .

I t is a great thing to get there before you

start .


REAT speed is not necessary to Fame .

Read in your Bible about that 40-yeartrip through the Wilderness .

Modesty may be a virtue but merit thatvaunts itself occasionally 18 what makesentries in your bank—book .

Every man has his eye on the main chance ,no matter where destiny places him .

Where there is a surplus of noise , there issure to be a paucity of sense .

Ethics , like love , is a very nice thing untilyou get too much of it .


REAT is the joy of the fat lady whenshe gets on the scales and finds she

is losing flesh !

The Gift of Grip—the taking hold andholding fast to the end—this is the token ofsuccess— there is no other test .

Whenever you want to queer a

refer it to a committee .

Besides being the finest indoo r

sports , sleep is free .

A wart does n’

t matter much so long as it

does not show .


EN generally are not so bad nor womengenerally quite so good as common

report has it .

Knowledge proceeds from doing the thing- not from memorizing something out of abook .

The man who carries scars can give yousounder advice than the man who does n

’

t .

Blessed is that man whose percentage ofcommonsense runs up into the nineties .

Wise is the guy who can tell people thingshe does n

’

t know and get paid for it .

SO MOSES IN PARAGRAPHS

C

50 1] will never know what Life is untilyou have been both bitterly reviled

and deeply beloved .

Brains are a birthday present . You can'

ttake them away from college unless youtake them with you when you go in .

Successful advertising is the fine art ofdoing the thing as others have not done it .

You can spout and shout about truth , butthat does not make you a truthful man .

No worthy cause is ever harmed by hear !

ing the other side .

52 MOSES IN PARAGRAPH S

AN sprang from monkeys all right , butthe distance covered did not break

any records .

The only work that wears and tires is thework that leaves no thrill of joy when th eday is done .

Doctors will never pay for advertising solong as newspapers hand it to them free .

I t is a mighty fine thing to forget the otherfellow and center upon yourself .

Look out for the guy who displays hismorals in the show window .


OU had better enjoy life while you havea if. You can never get away from thisworld and take i t along .

Knowledge garnered from experience isthe kind of knowledge that gets your nameon the letterhead .

Be just as truthful as you know how , butfor the sake of self-respect don

’

t boast of it .

Reputation proceeds from but one cause ,and that is by deserving it .

Be an individual—there is so little competition .


OME men attend conventions to improvetheir knowledge , but most men go to

improve their opportunities .

Men who make laws are not quite soimportant to ' the wor ld as men who makebusiness .

What this country needs is birth controlof bedbugs and bull-con .

Honesty and truthfulness are never genuine when exploited .

Bumps are what you need to get therenot books .


T

AUGH when you lose , be modest whenu you win , do the best you can , and leti t go at that .

Riches are largely a matter of conscience .

Great wealth comes from squeezing penniesfrom the poor .

No matterwhat kind of medicine you take ,

the undertaker will get you anyhow .

Success comes from what you do—notfrom what you memorize .

All women are charming , even thoughmany are not clever .

S6 MOSES IN PARAGRAPHS

EPORE blaming the man who stumbles ,you better look what sort of burden

he has on his back .

One-half the world thinks the other halfis trying to steal its money —and generallyit is .

The most satisfying and healthful indoorsport is exercising the intellect .

Get your brain hitting on all its cylindersbefore you begin to think .

Advertising is the art of handling truth

with variations .


HE Christianity of Christ and the madDash after Dollars are not chemical

affinities—really they will not mix .

To take bargains away from a womanis the same as taking water away from aduck .

The dullness of a man’

s intellect can oftenbe judged by the brilliance of his necktie .

No one ever does anything unless hedoes i t exactly as he pleases .

Outside of the experience , there is li ttle ingetting soused .


OST lawyers are dam glad to get thejob , no matter which side of the case

is offered them .

Anger gets you nowhere except to asanitarium . Many doctors thrive becausemany people get mad .

The things that can not be taught out ofbooks are the things that put you next .

A kick from the rear does not rank so highin reform tactics as a pat on the shoulder .

Liars supply the necessary background tomake Honesty conspicuous .


not attempt to knock the ball over thefence when a single is all that is needed

to bring in the winning run .

I t is an axiom in business , I believe , thatyou do not get any profit when you sell athing for less than it cost you .

Any fool can join an Ad Club , but it takesa man with brains to be an adver tiser .

Great men do not really begin to live untilafter they are dead .

To yell honesty is not ; so impressive as topractise honesty .


HAT the world needs is not humanmachines and more product , but

human happiness and better product .

The man intent on getting the law on hisneighbor is preparing for his neighbor to getthe law on him .

Up to date , all attempts to create news byusing big type have resulted in failure .

Caution does n’

t count unless you knowwhen to toss it aside and plunge .

I t is sad but true that bad things are morecatching than good .


HE difference between Facts and Conversation seems so small that most of

us don’

t see it .

How unfortunate that many speakers donot know the difference between oratory

and noise !

The only writers who write themselvesout are the writers who write what is not so .

I t is not what you get , but what youexpect to get , that makes Life worth while .

Nothing is free—not even salvation ortrading-stamps .


HE happiest hours are at the eveningfireside when a man relates his day

’

striumph to his family .

Virtue stands out more boldly when thereis a background of vice to supply the neededcontrast .

Many laws are introduced and passed bypeople who want revenge .

Intelligence can never be extracted froma brain that possesses it not .

The only way to arrive is to start and keepgoing on .


RY being a highlight part of the timeonly . You have got to be a shadow once

in a while so the highlights will show .

A Good Reputation is a thing of slowgrowth , while a Bad Reputation may comebetween darkness and daylight .

Deep thought and stupidity are muchalike , except that they are very. different .

The man who wants war never seems torealize that he can get 1t byj oining the army.

Economy is a virtue and waste is wi ckedness .

MOSES IN PARAGRAPHS 6S

OVERTY is a blessing 111 this respectYou may experience the supreme joy of

doing your own work .

A careful search of the records goes toshow that chewing the rag can not bedepended upon to change results .

Law-makers seem to create more troublethan they correct .

The only things nevermuch of are facts .

Beware of the man uses his honestyas fly-paper .


EATEN paths are for the Lilliputs .Climb the fence and cut across if you

ever expect to arrive .

!

The cry is for men who can do things—formen who are neither echoes nor rubberstamps .

An ability and a desire to render a usefulservice are the only tests of respectability .

I t is quite as important to be honest your »

self as to require honesty from others .

Guil t is almost as immune as innocence ifyou have the price in your clothes .


EFORE arriving anywhere it is alwaysnecessary to start , but this rather

important point is frequently overlooked .

A cocktail lifts you up for one hour , but i ttakes many hours to recover from theyou , get when you hit the ground .

Before you tell your boss to go to hell , bereasonably sure he will stand for it .

The things that kill genius are rules andregulations .

Don’

t let anybody clip the wings of yourideas .


F you have never made a serious mistake ,the chances are you have never done

anything worth while .

Three words constitute the only code ofEthics that mankind needs—The GoldenRule .

Language is a means many people adopt totell things which they do not know .

I t is a great gift to be able to distinguishbetween truth and a jumble of words .

A boss is as necessary in promoting goodas in promoting evil .


O long as Fashion and Hygiene are atodds

,the medical perfesh will con

tinne to collect the C oin .

The greatest crime is idleness , and whenthe human parasite is eliminated the millennium will be just around the corner .

Brevity is all right , providedstop before you are through .

Language is the greatest force in the world

Nature plays no favorites , and neither

does God .


much depends upon the choice ofparents that children should be taught

the importance of wise selection .

To bestow a swift kick or give a piece ofsilver—there lies the art of determiningvalues .

Troubles that don’

t happen worry youmore than those that do .

Nature is lavish in the production ofeverything but great men .

No one will believe in you until youbelieve in yourself .


EAL TH is somewhat more importantthan pleasure , but quite a few folks

do not recognize this as being so .

The trouble about what the world callssuccess is that you have to be a hog to

attain it .

In heaven’

s name , be Somebody , but to beSomebody you must Be Yourself .

A low price and a bargain are radicallydifferent propositions .

I f you want to go fast , do not be in’

too

much of a hurry .


REAT men are those who do one thingbig enough to divert attention from

their many mistakes .

I f you do not want to travel on the rimafter you are forty , you

’

d better take careof your tires before you are forty .

Some one may have said it before , butnothing except honesty ever wins out .

Even Diogenes lacked the nerve to lookfor an honest lawyer .

There is only one real excuse for War , andthat is Peace .


HE first date on a man’

s tombstone isfixed by his parents , but the last date

is largely fixed by himself .

Nothing pleases a man more than discovering a new way to comb his hair so thatthe bald spot will be less conspicuous .

The original man is he who knows how toswipe and change the setting of the gem .

A plated thing does not wear well , whetherit be a piece of j ewelry or a reputation .

What you do is not half so important asdoing what you do do well .


L

\i

OU can never deliver what you have n’

t

got . Take an inventory before sendingfor the express-wagon .

Trying to get something for nothingusually results in this : You give more than

you get .

People who look to doctors for good healthhave their eyes turned in the wrong direction .

To master the art of Doing Things , youfirst must master the art of Hurrying Slowly .

History repeats , but usually at a timewhen you have no bet up .


OUR importance in the world is judgedby the character and the number of

your enemies .

I f you can not work more today thanyesterday , work better , and the score willstand as high .

The wearing of whiskers is no longer considered essential to the possession of wisdom .

The real hero is he who plays dice withDeath when he knows the dice are loaded .

Honesty that has never been sorely testedreally does n

’

t count .


AD I ES intent upon regaining Youthwould do well to use their minds more

and their cosmetics less .

Neither a whistle nor a clock is needed totell the worthy man when to go to work orwhen to quit .

Law is founded upon precedent , whetherthere be justice in the precedent or not .

The further away you keep from a drugstore , the nearer you keep to health .

The things that cost you most are thethings you get for nothing .


HE first step to secure the loyal servicesof an employee is to sacredly keep all

promises you make him .

The unselfish man is an inspiring subjectto talk about , but if you want to work upan appetite , go out and find him .

Brains count for more than long hair and abig necktie in making an artist .

Everything about the automobilebeen improved but the smell .

Kindness is always in order , but wherekindness fails , try a kick .


OU will never amount to much until youare pointed out as either dangerouscrazy .

"6

Men who give themselves worst of i ttoday usually expect to get the best of i ttomorrow .

Love is a terrific tax on Life . Do not crowdtoo much of it into a day or a week or a year .

Knowing when to begin is important , butonly the wise know when to stop .

Virtue may be the result of opportunityor rather the lack of i t .


SON would always be better off if hecould inherit more of the old man

'

sbrams and less of his money .

Theology can be put up in cans , butCommon Sense has defied all efforts in thatdirection .

Hell , high water and court injunctions hindereth not when a man is really in earnest .

Medicine is the main handicap thatNature has to overcome in curing the sick .

To a’

la'

dy fair : When perfume fails , try abath .


K ICK coming rapidly from behind issometimes more bracing than a sweet

caress or a sympathetic sigh .

Some little trouble may come from onhigh , but most of it we ourselves make herebelow .

To become a philosopher , read much ,

remember much and loaf much .

The only religion that rings truereligion you make for yourself .

Classical music is a bit of melodyrounded by a lot of noise .

84 MOSES IN PARAGRAPH S

HERE are few great men , simplybecause

1t takes a dense background of foolsto set them off .

The knowledge you get out of knocks isthe knowledge that lifts you above the0 ‘

push .

!

A brass band is really not needed in fixingyour importance to the community .

The corpse in the mausoleum isdead as the corpse in the trenches .

Men who follow paths do not run up ahigh score .


EN any man tells you he under'stands woman , i t is your privilege

to clear the throat and close one eye .

Theman who is intent on his job generallyfigures , at the end of the season , among thosewho hit above 3 00.

Great indeed is this truth : The surest wayto injure yourself is to do injury to another .

The worst form of dishonesty is beinghonest because it pays .

!

Hurry all you please , so long as you takeplenty of t ime about it .


DOCTOR becomes useful only whenhe discovers that he can accomplish

more W1thout medicine than with it .

In going through Life you will find thecards stacked against you , but the beauty

of it is that you know it .

The size of a man’

s mouth does not indi

cate the size of his brain .

I would rather make one path than

follow forty old ones .

I f you please the public , it will buy what

you have to sell .


HE epigram is a sermon in a sentence ,told quickly before the thought is lost

in a maze of words .

I f you think you possess a value greaterthan the world recognizes , think again , foryou are probably wrong .

Eczema , fleas and love are equally irritating , and none of them be hidden .

The men who make history are men whostart Something Big .

Give me the man who works more thanhe talks .


OAFING kills men qui cker than working , and the undertaker scents a job the

moment you retire from business ."

Up to date neither the House nor theSenate has been able to change human

nature by legal enactment .

The most deadly dull of all literatureone hundred per cent perfect in syntax .

Perspiration will get you to the destina

tion quicker than inspiration .

Coarseness is never clever , and cleverness

is never coarse :


EFORE a judge renders a decision , aphysician should examine him to see if

he is suffering from indigestion .

Do not select for your cashier a man whosefirst concern in the morning is tips on theafternoon

’

s races .

I f you take all the advice offered , you willpass yourself going in opp0 3 1te directions .

Wall Street is the rendezvous of the lamb ,

the lobster and the loblolly .

Scars are worth all they cost , no matterhow you got them .


ATURE w ill pigeon-hole you at the firstsign of laziness . The token that distin

guishes the living from the dead is work .

Great riches do not necessarily implytheft , but somehow or other it often looksthat way .

The melody of music does proceedfrom the bass drum .

The more you believe , the less areable to think .

Size means little—much of the doughnutconsists of hole .


T is sad to say , but true nevertheless , thata s men who think are largely outnumberedby men who don

’

t .

So long as what a man writes is understood by the average intellect , of what use

is grammar !

The real -estate agent is closely pressingAnanias for the record he so long has held .

I f you want to promote goods that everybuyer will push along , try wheelbarrows .

God will j udge you more by the littlethings you have done than by the blg .


HE difference between Graft and Theftis as narrow as the dlfference between

ten cents and a dime .

Most things are all right until highbrow begins to codify , classify and givethem a college education .

What a mountain of gold there would bein hell if rich people could take it with them .

A prize-fighter is often like a bottledeveloped from the neck down .

Saratoga does not begin to equal WallStreet as a watering-place .

94 MO SES IN PARAGRAPHS

RATORY is the art of making peoplethink you know what you are talking

about , whether you do or not .

The idea that you are respectable and theother fellow is n

’

t may not be shared by yourneighbors .

A highbrow is always employeenever an employer . Look this and see .

No physician can do so much for yourhealth as you can do for yourself .

Wait until the wind is frombefore you pray for rain .

MOSES IN PARAGRAPHS 9S

OVE that survives the combined odor ofonions and beer is the only love that

tests true under acid .

The dilettante is classified in therapeuticsamong the emetlcs . Like ipecac , he producesnausea .

Play with the cards held close up , andsee to it that the deck is not cold .

Nothing is complex unless you makeso , women excepted .

Why not set more people to work andsend fewer to jail !


ER is a good thing to put in theradiator , but a dam bad thing to put

in the gas - tank .

Hell yawns for the vivisectionist , andthe draughts are Opened wide when

arrives .

Good health comes pretty near beingnothing more than good digestion .

No card system so far introduced!

will putbrains into a man

’

s head .

Deal from the top of the deck , and do notoverplay your pile .


F I were St . Peter , clean teeth wouldcount as much as character in figuring up

the averages .

The world needs people who can carry bigburdens and ! strike blows that leave deepdents .

Ethics and precedents have Progressback thousands of years .

Final truth for everybody awayas lO-cent gasoline .

The only way to master a thing is to workat it .


HINK more of the Here and the Nowand less of the Hereafter—and it is you

for a long life .

Every moment that passes without yourgetting experience out of it is a moment

wasted .

An honest man can not help being honest ,any more than a liar can help lying .

The Supply of suckers neverexceeded the demand .

The money-making reformercheat and a fraud .


GENTLEMAN is a man who can showa kindly interest when the women folks

discuss recipes for prune-flip .

Pay your debts , mind your own business ,give folks a square deal , live one day at atime , and you have more than a fifty-fifty

chance of reaching the Happy Land .

The act of sp1tt1ng on the hands is notcopyrighted . Help yourself .

Putting her name and address in ais only postponing trouble .

I t is a great art to avoid being


AM sick and tired of the fashions—thoroughly discouraged to see how , having

descended from the anthropoidal ape , weare headed back to him again .

There will be no more Michelangelos andLeonardos until the dollar and the dividendare no longer held out !as Life

’

s leading lure .

Truth is a condition of mind—not adefinable thing .

The only good thati

comes from kickingis the exercise .

You can not raise standards by raising hell .


OL IC EMEN are paid bigger salariesthan school-teachers , thus indicating

that we consider it more important to putfolks in j ail than to put k nowledge intochildren

’

s heads .

I f your eye sees no further t han the payenvelope Saturday night , you need notanticipate being elected President of the

Company when next a vacancy occurs .

Writers who get their inspiration out ofcigare ttes and booze seldom succeed inbreaking any long-distance records .

Heroes never wear plug hats .


AWS regulate your birth , your schooling ,your marriage , your business , your

habits , your food , your drink , your medicine ,your decline and your death . Be patient , andlaws will yet regulate your haircut , the hangof your pants , and the mouth-wash you mustuse before you can kiss your wife andchildren .

How fortunate that great beauty and alarge brain capacity are rarely combined inthe same woman ! A combination like thatis always dangerous and often irresistible .

Success and greatness do not come in cans .

Why dig up troubles that are dead !


MAN’

S life is not to be judged or measured by the money he piles up and

leaves for his heirs and assigns to dissipate ,but by the service he rendered his associatesand the public .

The man who is hard to see is alwaysa prig and a pollywumpus .

We all try to sell high and buy low —: let

’

s

admit it here and now .

Everything should be just what seemsto be—but never will .

I f you want to reform something , beginwith yourself .


OC KEPEL L ER puts on the soft pedalwhen he annexes a hundred millions ,

while the newsboy yells like hell to make acent . Noise is seldom a token of wisdom .

The natural always rises superior to theartificial if you will be a bit patient and wa1t .

Exercise your intellect more , and yourtongue will have less to do .

How little glory there is in a costly coffin !

Fashion makes monkeys of us all .

None of us is any too good .


ANGUAGE makes war and peaceslaves and freemen , States and Empires

Q L anguage is the lure of love and theinstrument of hatred .

Language lays before us for a pittance allthe wisdom and knowledge garnered fromthe intelligence of centuries dead and gone ,and language tells us today what wasaccomplished yesterday .

3 Language tumbles Governments , destroysnations and overturns political parties .

1 Language establishes and blasts reputations , burnishes and blackens character ,lauds and defames deeds .

1:With language the mother croons herbabe to sleep , and with language the leadertransforms sane men into insane mobs .


ANGUAGE sets the innocent free andsends the guilty to the gallows .

5Language builds up mighty business enterprises , and turns waste places into hives ofindustry .

5, Language is used by the blasphemer , andlanguage is used by the devout when theylift up their voices to God .

1]Language cheers us while we live , andlanguage soothes us when Death beckonswith his bony hand .

5Nearly every blessing and nearly everycurse visited upon Mankind can be tracedto this mighty force we know as Language .

7; You are what you are because of your useor misuse of words .

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