The Office [1.03] Health Care

7/29/2019 The Office [1.03] Health Care

1/29

100:00:54,786 --> 00:00:56,484Pam! Pamela,

200:00:56,561 --> 00:00:59,329Pamelamela Ding Dong!Making copies.

300:01:00,237 --> 00:01:02,378- I'm not making any copies.- Let's go!

400:01:02,706 --> 00:01:05,862Messages, date, lots to do lots to do...

500:01:05,997 --> 00:01:07,250Information superhighway!

600:01:07,344 --> 00:01:08,844

- Nothing new...- Let them unw...

700:01:08,882 --> 00:01:11,163- There's nothing new.- That's not what you said earlier.

800:01:11,416 --> 00:01:14,635Oh do you want me to repeatthe messages that I gave you before?

900:01:14,694 --> 00:01:15,715For the...

1000:01:19,475 --> 00:01:24,922The most sacred thing I do is care,and provide for my workers, my family.

1100:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,658I give them money.

1200:01:26,776 --> 00:01:28,173I give them food.

1300:01:29,189 --> 00:01:31,208Not directly, but through the money...

1400:01:32,253 --> 00:01:34,238


2/29

I heal them.

1500:01:35,249 --> 00:01:39,542Today I am in charge, of pickinga great new healthcare plan.

1600:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,130Right? That's what this is all about!

1700:01:44,318 --> 00:01:46,887Does that make me their doctor?

1800:01:49,386 --> 00:01:51,681Yes... In a way...

1900:01:52,489 --> 00:01:54,323Yeah, like a specialist.

20

00:01:57,990 --> 00:02:00,296So which health planhave you decided on?

2100:02:00,531 --> 00:02:02,668I am going to go with best, Jan.

2200:02:02,844 --> 00:02:04,864I am going to go with the one with

23

00:02:04,922 --> 00:02:08,034the acupuncture, therapeutic massage...

2400:02:08,139 --> 00:02:10,312- You know, the works...- Wait acupuncture?

2500:02:10,406 --> 00:02:11,779None of the plans have acupuncture.

26

00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:13,968Have you looked atthem closely Michael?

2700:02:15,073 --> 00:02:18,736I think it was you who didn't lookclosely enough at the "gold plan".

28


3/29

00:02:19,470 --> 00:02:20,845- The gold plan?- Yep.

2900:02:21,149 --> 00:02:22,500I'm not even on that plan.

3000:02:22,547 --> 00:02:24,660Well I recommend it, it's very good.

3100:02:28,077 --> 00:02:30,566- You have to crack this things open.- You know the whole reason we're doing

3200:02:30,613 --> 00:02:32,503this, is to save money.

3300:02:33,325 --> 00:02:34,300So,

3400:02:34,352 --> 00:02:36,947you just need to pick a provider,and then choose the cheapest plan.

3500:02:39,152 --> 00:02:40,923Well that is...

3600:02:41,377 --> 00:02:43,514kind of a tough assignment.

3700:02:44,982 --> 00:02:48,657- It's not gonna be a populardecision around the old orifice.- It's your job... so

3800:02:49,056 --> 00:02:50,620It's a suicide mission, you know...

3900:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,427

- Michael,- I, I Know

4000:02:53,497 --> 00:02:55,282- Maybe, I, I mean...- There... there

4100:02:55,352 --> 00:02:56,888


4/29

You know sometimes a manager...

4200:02:57,577 --> 00:02:58,387like yourself,

4300:02:58,481 --> 00:03:01,605has to deliver the bad news tothe employees, I do it all the time.

4400:03:02,093 --> 00:03:04,716- Yeah, when have you ever done that?- I'm doing it, right now.

4500:03:05,791 --> 00:03:07,141To you.

4600:03:09,072 --> 00:03:10,740Last night on "Trading spouses"...

4700:03:11,444 --> 00:03:13,427- There's... have you seen it?- No, I have a life.

4800:03:13,910 --> 00:03:16,587- Interesting, what's that like?- You should try it sometime.

4900:03:16,757 --> 00:03:17,955Wow

5000:03:18,436 --> 00:03:20,010- But then who would watch my TV?

5100:03:20,068 --> 00:03:20,949So I like that

5200:03:21,055 --> 00:03:22,522Ding Dong!

5300:03:27,783 --> 00:03:29,265There's a decisionthat needs to be made.

5400:03:29,299 --> 00:03:31,625And I'm having a unbelievably busy day.

55


5/29

00:03:32,716 --> 00:03:35,381So, I'm going to let you pick

5600:03:35,639 --> 00:03:37,671a healthcare plan for our office,

5700:03:37,794 --> 00:03:39,731and then explain it

5800:03:40,013 --> 00:03:41,598to your co-workers.

5900:03:42,743 --> 00:03:44,289- Gosh!- Yeah!

6000:03:45,232 --> 00:03:47,932That is a great offer. Thank you.

6100:03:49,900 --> 00:03:52,939I really think I should beconcentrating on sales.

6200:03:53,035 --> 00:03:54,540- Really?- Yeah.

6300:03:55,215 --> 00:03:57,781I just don't thing that this is

the kind of task, that

6400:03:58,369 --> 00:04:01,152I am going to do...

6500:04:01,249 --> 00:04:03,139You know who would be great for this?

6600:04:03,274 --> 00:04:07,085Anytime Michael asks me to do anything

I just tell me that Dwight should do it.

6700:04:07,789 --> 00:04:10,731Yes! I can do it! I'm your man.

6800:04:10,943 --> 00:04:12,885Right now this is just a job.


6/29

6900:04:13,239 --> 00:04:16,777If I advance any higher in this company,then this would be my career.

7000:04:17,213 --> 00:04:18,641And a...

7100:04:18,718 --> 00:04:21,168Well if this were my career,

7200:04:21,959 --> 00:04:23,869I'd have to throw myselfin front of a train.

7300:04:24,429 --> 00:04:27,467Ok first, let's go over some parameters,

7400:04:27,590 --> 00:04:29,625

how many people can I fire?

7500:04:29,966 --> 00:04:32,580None, you're pickinga healthcare plan.

7600:04:33,780 --> 00:04:36,975Ok we'll table that for the time being.Two, I'm gonna need an office.

77

00:04:37,083 --> 00:04:38,457I think the conferenceroom should be fine.

7800:04:38,573 --> 00:04:41,413You can use the conferenceroom as a temporary workspace.

7900:04:41,567 --> 00:04:44,000Yes, I have an office.

8000:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,787- Bigger than his!- No, you cannot use it.

8100:04:46,861 --> 00:04:49,919- Ok I take it back it's a workspace.- Temporary workspace, you can use it.


7/29

8200:04:51,105 --> 00:04:52,166Thank you.

8300:04:54,260 --> 00:04:56,561If Dwight fails and that isstrike too and good for me,

8400:04:57,312 --> 00:04:59,214for giving him a second chance.

8500:04:59,749 --> 00:05:02,262And if he succeeds, then, you know,

8600:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,794no one would be prouder thanI am. I've groomed him.

8700:05:04,978 --> 00:05:06,863

I made him what he is today.

8800:05:08,829 --> 00:05:11,560Unless he fails and,

8900:05:11,899 --> 00:05:14,423talked about that already.

9000:05:17,489 --> 00:05:19,832What did I do? I did my job.

9100:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,474I slashed benefits to the bone.I saved this company money.

9200:05:23,872 --> 00:05:27,866Was I too harsh? Maybe.I don't believe in coddling people.

9300:05:28,589 --> 00:05:31,442

In the wild, there is no healthcare.

9400:05:31,708 --> 00:05:35,032In the wild healthcare is"How, I hurt my leg...

9500:05:35,351 --> 00:05:38,071I can't run, a lion eats me,


8/29

and I'm dead. "

9600:05:39,219 --> 00:05:41,766Well, I'm not dead.

9700:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,293I'm the lion.

9800:05:45,316 --> 00:05:47,033You're dead!

9900:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,187There's no dental, there's no vision,

10000:05:53,342 --> 00:05:55,541there is a 1200 dollars deductible.

10100:05:58,936 --> 00:06:00,229

Dundler Mifflin this is Pam.

10200:06:00,383 --> 00:06:02,621Pam, Michael Scott, how's tricks?

10300:06:03,345 --> 00:06:05,602Where are you?

10400:06:05,891 --> 00:06:08,805Oh, I'm in my office, I am swamped.

10500:06:08,978 --> 00:06:11,409I have work up to my ears

10600:06:11,457 --> 00:06:15,557and busy busy busy, can't step away,I just wanted to check in and

10700:06:15,697 --> 00:06:18,682see how everybody's dealing.

Everybody cool out there?

10800:06:19,184 --> 00:06:21,209Actually, people are really unhappy

10900:06:21,827 --> 00:06:23,640Dwight send around this memo


9/29

11000:06:23,698 --> 00:06:26,467- And people are freaking out cause...- Pam, you, I'm sorry I'm sorry

11100:06:26,524 --> 00:06:28,878I, I, I got to go I'm getting a call.

11200:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,377No you're not.

11300:06:32,669 --> 00:06:35,553I have to make a callafter I finish, my work

11400:06:35,621 --> 00:06:38,341You know what?Don't let anybody in my office

115

00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:42,721Under any conditions today I'm justtoo busy, too swamped, you know?

11600:06:43,801 --> 00:06:46,994I'm unreachable.I'm incommunicado capisce?

11700:06:47,139 --> 00:06:48,315- Ok- Thank you,

11800:06:48,750 --> 00:06:52,106God here we go again, got to go,I have to take this.

11900:06:52,357 --> 00:06:53,843Still no one calling.

12000:06:58,473 --> 00:07:00,576- Dwight, what is this...

- Uh, knock, please.

12100:07:01,068 --> 00:07:03,666- Please knock, this is an office.- It says workspace.

12200:07:03,780 --> 00:07:05,302- Same thing.


10/29

- If it's the same thing,

12300:07:05,348 --> 00:07:07,689then why'd you write "work space".

12400:07:08,257 --> 00:07:11,819Just knock, please, as a sign ofrespect for your superior.

12500:07:11,886 --> 00:07:14,703- You are not my superior.- Gee, then why do I have an office?

12600:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,413- Thought it was a workspace, Dwight.- Ok, Dwight.

12700:07:18,330 --> 00:07:20,298Are you really in charge of

picking an healthcare plan?

12800:07:20,375 --> 00:07:21,899Yes. And my decision is final.

12900:07:22,159 --> 00:07:24,243This is a ridiculously awful plan.

13000:07:24,465 --> 00:07:26,568Because you cut everything.

13100:07:26,751 --> 00:07:29,890- Times are tough, Pam, deal with it.- You cut more than you had to, didn't you?

13200:07:29,900 --> 00:07:30,380Sure.

13300:07:30,426 --> 00:07:33,166Then why did you do that? You work

here, don't you want good insurance?

13400:07:33,272 --> 00:07:35,750Don't need it, never been sick,perfect immune system.

13500:07:35,886 --> 00:07:39,079Ok well if you've never been sick,


11/29

then you don't have any antibodies.

13600:07:39,195 --> 00:07:41,645I don't need them, superior genes.

13700:07:41,713 --> 00:07:44,529I'm a Schrute...And superior brain power.

13800:07:44,645 --> 00:07:48,118Through concentration I can raise

13900:07:49,912 --> 00:07:51,899Why would you want toraise your cholesterol?

14000:07:51,976 --> 00:07:54,002So I can lower it.

14100:07:55,478 --> 00:07:58,000He literally won'tcome out of his office.

14200:07:58,594 --> 00:08:00,793He's got to come out sometime.

14300:08:02,799 --> 00:08:06,272- To go to the bathroom.- Kevin, that's inappropriate!

14400:08:10,372 --> 00:08:12,262Michael can I talk to you?

14500:08:12,340 --> 00:08:15,349I would like to, but I'mreally busy, rain check?

14600:08:16,189 --> 00:08:18,282Michael, Michael please

14700:08:18,764 --> 00:08:20,693Can we talk about this memo?

14800:08:20,828 --> 00:08:23,491- What? Which memo?- Dwight's healthcare memo


12/29

14900:08:23,607 --> 00:08:25,150- I told you about it.- Is it a good plan?

15000:08:25,256 --> 00:08:27,436It's a great plan!It saves the company a fortune.

15100:08:27,590 --> 00:08:30,504- It's like a paid decrease.- Michael, he made huge cuts.

15200:08:30,639 --> 00:08:33,668Cuts? what?Dwight did you make cuts?

15300:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,832- Yeah you said go in the...- No no no no no. You know what?

15400:08:37,324 --> 00:08:39,677I said nothing specificbecause I was so busy.

15500:08:39,899 --> 00:08:42,137Why don't you go in there Dwight?

15600:08:42,243 --> 00:08:45,562and find these people a

plan that will work for them. Ok?

15700:08:45,764 --> 00:08:48,523- I can handle it.- Ok. All right.

15800:08:49,420 --> 00:08:52,189We feel good? All right, good!

15900:08:55,073 --> 00:08:56,906

Plus,

16000:08:56,989 --> 00:08:59,353There's some other good news.

16100:08:59,784 --> 00:09:01,883Today at the end of the day,


13/29

16200:09:01,999 --> 00:09:04,613I will have for all of you

16300:09:05,799 --> 00:09:08,365a big surprise. Ok?

16400:09:08,529 --> 00:09:11,500So hang in there, and I willsee you at the end of the day.

16500:09:12,822 --> 00:09:14,288Right?

16600:09:22,256 --> 00:09:24,127- This is not good.- It's ridiculous.

16700:09:24,639 --> 00:09:26,799

Did you talk to him?

16800:09:26,963 --> 00:09:27,967What was that?

16900:09:28,063 --> 00:09:30,310You let him off all overyou it's just pathetic.

17000:09:30,465 --> 00:09:33,124

- What are you guys talking about?- Nothing Kevin.

17100:09:33,606 --> 00:09:36,224Do I know what the surprise is?Hell no!

17200:09:36,369 --> 00:09:39,475Doesn't matter, the point is,they're not unhappy anymore.

17300:09:39,581 --> 00:09:42,629They're out there thinking "Wow!My boss really cares about me.

17400:09:42,976 --> 00:09:45,484He has a surprise, he's cool.

175


14/29

00:09:46,121 --> 00:09:48,706What a great guy, I love him.

17600:09:50,452 --> 00:09:52,381I love him. "

17700:09:54,407 --> 00:09:57,089Ok everyone, gather round.

17800:09:59,944 --> 00:10:01,700Step forward.

17900:10:03,610 --> 00:10:06,600It has been brought to my attention thatsome of you are unhappy with my plan,

18000:10:06,696 --> 00:10:08,066so what I'd like you to do,

18100:10:08,182 --> 00:10:10,719is to fill this out and writedown any diseases that you have,

18200:10:10,806 --> 00:10:13,391That you might want coveredand I'll see what I can do.

18300:10:13,449 --> 00:10:16,252Okay you know what Dwight? We can't

write our diseases down for you,

18400:10:16,255 --> 00:10:18,041- because that's confidential.- Ok,

18500:10:18,176 --> 00:10:20,549well I didn't say to writeyour name down, did I?

186

00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,516Fill that out, leave it anonymous.

18700:10:22,603 --> 00:10:25,092Or don't write any disease down atall, and they won't be covered.

18800:10:25,246 --> 00:10:27,311


15/29

Sound fair? Good. All right,I'll be in my office.

18900:10:27,832 --> 00:10:29,414Workspace.

19000:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,549You know what? Come with me.

19100:10:32,655 --> 00:10:34,623We are going on a little mission.

19200:10:34,719 --> 00:10:36,745"Operation surprise. "

19300:10:38,375 --> 00:10:40,439Where are you going?

194

00:10:40,950 --> 00:10:43,188Headed out. Part of my busy day.

19500:10:43,256 --> 00:10:45,563You know, meetings.

19600:10:48,176 --> 00:10:49,700Couldn't find the knock.

19700:10:52,150 --> 00:10:55,507

So basically, I want to dosomething nice for my employees.

19800:10:56,018 --> 00:10:58,179Atlantic City. Ok?

19900:10:58,372 --> 00:11:01,015They have this thingwhere they send a bus,

200

00:11:01,179 --> 00:11:02,992Right for free, picks everybody up,

20100:11:03,098 --> 00:11:06,012and head down there, get tothe hotel, the room is count.

20200:11:06,214 --> 00:11:08,587


16/29

They give you a big pileof chips, and your food.

20300:11:08,741 --> 00:11:13,000Everything just kind of a allinclusive free kind of weekend.

20400:11:13,176 --> 00:11:14,896I don't know of anything like that.

20500:11:15,176 --> 00:11:18,754But, you know what you might want todo is just call the casino directly,

20600:11:19,024 --> 00:11:21,127- Maybe.- Yep yep, yep.

20700:11:22,217 --> 00:11:24,282

I did, so.

20800:11:35,973 --> 00:11:37,671Wait what are you writing?

20900:11:37,767 --> 00:11:40,082Don't write Ebola, or mad cow disease.

21000:11:40,536 --> 00:11:42,407All right?

21100:11:42,561 --> 00:11:44,741Cause I'm suffering from both of them.

21200:11:45,648 --> 00:11:47,732- I'm inventing new diseases.- Oh great.

21300:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,857So let's say that my

teeth turn to liquid

21400:11:51,147 --> 00:11:53,462And then, they drip downthe back of my throat.

21500:11:53,578 --> 00:11:54,754What would you call that?


17/29

21600:11:54,870 --> 00:11:56,549I thought you said youwere inventing diseases?

21700:11:56,684 --> 00:11:59,134That's spontaneous"dentohydroplosion"

21800:12:00,079 --> 00:12:01,835- Nice.- Thank you.

21900:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,314Calling to ask you a littlefavor Rooney my friend.

22000:12:05,481 --> 00:12:09,031I'm trying to give the troops

around here a little bit of a boost

22100:12:09,147 --> 00:12:10,844And I was thinking that

22200:12:10,941 --> 00:12:14,568maybe we could take them downto take a spin on your big ride.

22300:12:16,034 --> 00:12:18,986

You mean the elevator thattakes you down in the mine shaft?

22400:12:19,111 --> 00:12:20,732It's not really a ride.

22500:12:21,060 --> 00:12:23,491It says here that it's a...

22600:12:23,954 --> 00:12:25,873

300 foot drop.

22700:12:26,163 --> 00:12:29,327Well that goes 300 feet in theearth but it moves really slowly.

22800:12:30,909 --> 00:12:32,857So it's not a free fall?


18/29

22900:12:33,002 --> 00:12:35,375It's a industrial coal elevator.

23000:12:37,439 --> 00:12:39,889All right. Once you getdown into the mine,

23100:12:41,057 --> 00:12:43,719what, you got laser tag or something?

23200:12:43,825 --> 00:12:47,047OK ok so I don't know whatthe surprise is, am I worried?

23300:12:47,192 --> 00:12:49,815Nooo. No way.You see I thrive on this.

23400:12:50,172 --> 00:12:53,491This is my world, this is improv,this it "whose line is it anyway".

23500:12:54,611 --> 00:12:59,543Damn it! damn it! Jim!

23600:12:59,616 --> 00:13:02,125All right, who did this?

23700:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,487I'm not mad, I just want to knowwho did it, so I can punish them.

23800:13:04,565 --> 00:13:05,838What are you talking about?

23900:13:06,204 --> 00:13:09,754"Someone", forged medicalinformation, and that is felony.

24000:13:10,015 --> 00:13:13,150Ok "wow", cause that isa pretty intense accusation.

24100:13:13,217 --> 00:13:15,687How do you know that they're fake?


19/29

24200:13:15,938 --> 00:13:17,944Uh, Leprosy?

24300:13:18,725 --> 00:13:20,925Flesh eating bacteria.

24400:13:21,938 --> 00:13:23,944Hot dog fingers.

24500:13:24,889 --> 00:13:28,188Government createdkiller nano robot infection

24600:13:30,175 --> 00:13:31,468- You did this didn't you?- Absolutely not.

24700:13:31,545 --> 00:13:32,529

- Yes you did.- No I didn't.

24800:13:32,587 --> 00:13:34,401I know it was you.Ok fine, you know what?

24900:13:34,449 --> 00:13:36,436I'm gonna have to intervieweach and everyone of you

25000:13:36,667 --> 00:13:39,330Until the perpetratormakes him or herself known.

25100:13:39,475 --> 00:13:43,188And until that time, there will beno healthcare coverage for anyone.

25200:13:46,931 --> 00:13:51,330- Killer Nano Robots?

- It's an epidemic.

25300:13:53,566 --> 00:13:57,677The problem Jim, is that peoplewho are really suffering

25400:13:57,846 --> 00:14:00,981from a medical condition,


20/29

won't receive the care they need,

25500:14:01,090 --> 00:14:05,575because someone in this office hascoming up with all those ridiculous stuff

25600:14:07,396 --> 00:14:10,121- "Count Choculitis. ".- Sounds tough.

25700:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,641Why did you write that down Jim?

25800:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,041- Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?- Do you?

25900:14:16,638 --> 00:14:19,320I think you need to confess the fact.

26000:14:19,588 --> 00:14:20,925- Yeah.- What are you doing?

26100:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,661- What?- Those are my keys.

26200:14:22,794 --> 00:14:25,061

- Good luck.- Jim! Damn it!

26300:14:25,272 --> 00:14:29,028No! Jim let me out. Jim, let...

26400:14:29,390 --> 00:14:32,227The light green is a green.

26500:14:38,517 --> 00:14:39,945

- Jim Halpert.- Let me out.

26600:14:40,061 --> 00:14:41,932- Who is this?- Let me out or you're fired.

26700:14:42,067 --> 00:14:45,028


21/29

- No, you can't fire me.- Yes I can, I'm manager for the day.

26800:14:45,163 --> 00:14:46,437Clean out your desk.

26900:14:46,475 --> 00:14:49,003Ok, can you hold on onesecond, I'm getting a bip.

27000:14:52,003 --> 00:14:53,932- Jim Halpert.- Hey Jim, it's Pam.

27100:14:53,999 --> 00:14:56,411Hey Pam!How are you?

27200:14:56,479 --> 00:14:57,829

- Jim open the door!- Good. How are you?

27300:14:57,887 --> 00:14:59,160- I'm doing ok,- Busy?

27400:14:59,218 --> 00:15:01,099- Getting excited for the week end now.- Yeah.

27500:15:01,157 --> 00:15:03,665- Yeah, what are you up to?- I'm not bothering you am I?

27600:15:03,810 --> 00:15:05,679- No not all.- You don't have anything you're doing.

27700:15:05,756 --> 00:15:07,222- I have nothing to do.

- Oh great.

27800:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,097Yeah no, this week end nothingI'm not really doing anything.

27900:15:10,222 --> 00:15:12,422- Might go to the mall.


22/29

- The mall?

28000:15:12,586 --> 00:15:15,674- I need new shoes.- How interesting, what kind of shoes?

28100:15:16,606 --> 00:15:18,311- Hello?- Hello.

28200:15:18,470 --> 00:15:21,576This is Dwight Schrutecalling for Jan Levinson-Gould.

28300:15:22,029 --> 00:15:23,727This is Jan.

28400:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,132Hi, Dwight Schrute calling,

acting manager Scranton branch,

28500:15:27,431 --> 00:15:30,267Listen I need your permissionto fire Jim Halpert.

28600:15:30,759 --> 00:15:33,036- Who is this?- Dwight Schrute.

287

00:15:33,962 --> 00:15:35,795- From sales?- Well.

28800:15:35,881 --> 00:15:39,431- Where is Michael Scott?- He is not here right now.

28900:15:39,508 --> 00:15:42,190He put me in charge of the office.

29000:15:42,556 --> 00:15:46,048Dwight, listen to me very carefully,you are not a manager of anything.

29100:15:46,203 --> 00:15:49,502- Understand?- That's not entirely true,


23/29

29200:15:49,984 --> 00:15:52,627Because he put me in chargeof picking a healthcare plan.

29300:15:53,322 --> 00:15:54,672- Really?- Yeah.

29400:15:54,769 --> 00:15:55,502Ok.

29500:15:55,569 --> 00:15:57,865when Michael gets back, you tellhim to call me immediately.

29600:15:57,923 --> 00:15:59,216- Call you immediately, good.- Yes.

29700:15:59,621 --> 00:16:02,032Listen, since I have you on the phone,

29800:16:03,518 --> 00:16:05,737- Can I fire Jim?- No.

29900:16:05,929 --> 00:16:08,013Please don't use mycell phone ever again.

30000:16:08,090 --> 00:16:09,749This is your cell, I thoughtthis was your off...

30100:16:17,485 --> 00:16:20,428Everybody ice cream sandwiches.

30200:16:21,161 --> 00:16:24,016There you go take one

take one it's all good.

30300:16:24,112 --> 00:16:26,080Phyllis, safe pass.

30400:16:26,833 --> 00:16:29,186I see Angela right, Angela!


24/29

30500:16:30,961 --> 00:16:33,315Hey, temp, why don't you take two.

30600:16:33,460 --> 00:16:37,106Because you don't get healthcare,and faster metabolism.

30700:16:37,328 --> 00:16:40,029Did you get the kind withthe cookies, instead of the?

30800:16:40,145 --> 00:16:42,479Why don't you just eat it?Ok.

30900:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,431Here you go Stanley the "manly"!

310

00:16:45,836 --> 00:16:46,974- Thanks.- There you go.

31100:16:47,013 --> 00:16:48,691This isn't the big surprise is it?

31200:16:48,846 --> 00:16:51,199Because we've been havinga pretty horrible day.

31300:16:51,334 --> 00:16:53,592Nope, nope.

31400:16:53,678 --> 00:16:55,145This isn't the surprise.

31500:16:55,222 --> 00:16:58,309It's surprising, becauseyou didn't expect it.

31600:16:58,858 --> 00:17:01,665But you'll, you'll knowit when you see it.

31700:17:03,305 --> 00:17:05,601Michael, Michael!

318


25/29

00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,316I tried being rational.Ok, and what happened?

31900:17:21,451 --> 00:17:24,194The employees went crazy,I got no hope from corporate,

32000:17:24,390 --> 00:17:26,168so that leaves me with no options.

32100:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,670I'm now gonna read aloud yoursubmitted medical conditions.

32200:17:28,986 --> 00:17:32,182When you hear yours read, please raiseyour hand, indicate that it is real

323

00:17:32,393 --> 00:17:35,317If you do not raise your hand,it will not be covered.

32400:17:35,437 --> 00:17:37,970- What about confidentiality?- You know what?

32500:17:38,149 --> 00:17:42,309You have forfeited that privilege.I have tried to treat you all as adults.

32600:17:42,551 --> 00:17:45,354But obviously, I'm the only adult here.

32700:17:45,534 --> 00:17:49,272Number one, inverted penis.

32800:17:53,552 --> 00:17:58,315Could you mean vagina?Because if you do I want that covered.

32900:17:58,541 --> 00:18:01,268I thought your vagina was removedduring you hysterectomy.

33000:18:01,419 --> 00:18:06,031A uterus is different from avagina. I still have a vagina.


26/29

33100:18:20,414 --> 00:18:24,521Ok great. "Germatitus".Thank you Angela,

33200:18:24,671 --> 00:18:30,511I'll make sure that's covered. Ok now,who wrote this, this hysterical one?

33300:18:30,926 --> 00:18:33,564- Anal fissures.- That's a real thing.

33400:18:33,770 --> 00:18:36,936Yeah but no one here has it.

33500:18:38,254 --> 00:18:41,208Someone has it.

33600:18:52,117 --> 00:18:54,952- Do you think we should go.- I don't know, Kevin this is important.

33700:18:54,962 --> 00:18:56,245I don't want futileness.

33800:18:56,670 --> 00:18:59,744- What is he doing?- I don't know.

33900:19:09,089 --> 00:19:10,613Well?

34000:19:10,768 --> 00:19:12,292Well, what?

34100:19:12,417 --> 00:19:15,157- You could be referring to anything.- Ok,

34200:19:15,446 --> 00:19:16,642The healthcare plan.

34300:19:16,690 --> 00:19:19,256Why did you put Dwight in chargeof that, he did an horrible job.


27/29

34400:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,465Dwight?

34500:19:21,639 --> 00:19:24,022- Did you raise benefits?- I most certainly did not.

34600:19:24,774 --> 00:19:26,877come on! That's horrible!

34700:19:28,353 --> 00:19:30,707Thanks Dwight for a crappy plan.

34800:19:31,893 --> 00:19:33,205Damn.

34900:19:34,797 --> 00:19:37,266I wish I had time to change it, but...

35000:19:37,584 --> 00:19:40,874Jan needs it by five and...What time is it? What time is it?

35100:19:41,366 --> 00:19:43,874It's after five.

35200:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,642It's awful.

35300:19:46,739 --> 00:19:49,141So well, ok.

35400:19:49,353 --> 00:19:51,977See you guys on Monday.

35500:19:52,739 --> 00:19:54,832What about the surprise?

35600:19:55,198 --> 00:19:57,330Yes exactly.

35700:19:57,446 --> 00:20:00,398Thank you Angelafor reminding me.

358


28/29

00:20:01,314 --> 00:20:02,887Terrific.

35900:20:03,060 --> 00:20:05,144Before I tell everybodywhat the big surprise is,

36000:20:05,616 --> 00:20:08,954would you like to tell me,what you think the big surprise is?

36100:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,282We all think you don't have a surprise.

36200:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,967All right, I have some news for you.There is a big surprise.

36300:20:17,356 --> 00:20:20,182

And... here it is, here we go...

36400:20:20,424 --> 00:20:22,044And

36500:20:22,198 --> 00:20:25,034the big surprise is...

36600:20:27,552 --> 00:20:28,941Drum roll.

36700:20:49,092 --> 00:20:52,777When I am backed into a corner,that is when I come alive.

36800:20:53,549 --> 00:20:56,404See I learned improvfrom the greats, like...

36900:20:57,388 --> 00:20:59,317

Drew Carey and Ryan Styles.

37000:21:12,089 --> 00:21:15,118Robin Williams, oh man, wouldI love to go head to head with him.

37100:21:16,584 --> 00:21:19,189That would be exciting!


29/29

"Hi, I'm Mork from Ork. "

37200:21:19,488 --> 00:21:21,996"Well I'm Bork for Smork".

37300:21:22,119 --> 00:21:24,915"anounanouzoubliblublu"

37400:21:52,726 --> 00:21:54,869Jan wants you to call her.

The Office [1.03] Health Care

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Transcript of The Office [1.03] Health Care