www.princexml.com

Prince - Personal Edition

This document was created with Prince, a great way of getting web content onto paper.

How to EffortlesslyAttract the WomenYou Want

The Natural

Richard La Ruina

Contents

CoverTitle PageThe InvitationHow to Read This Book

1. From Geek to Natural2. The Attraction3. The Seduction4. The Approach5. The Opener6. The Mid Game: From Opener to

Hook Point to Rapport

7. The Close8. The Day Game9. The Follow-Up Game: How to

Keep Women Interested After aNumber Close

10. Commonly Asked QuestionsConclusion

A Letter from RichardResourcesAbout the AuthorPraiseCreditsCopyrightAbout the Publisher

5/415

The Invitation

London, England; Friday Night, 2:15A.M.

Hundreds of Europe’s most beautiful womencrowd the dimly lit nightclub—each dressedmore provocatively than the next, each look-ing to let loose. Ava, a five-foot-ten Estonianfashion model I met just minutes earlier, laysher head on my shoulder.

“It feels like I’ve known you my whole life,”she confides.

I smile and give her a reassuring hug.We’ve now reached what I call the point ofno return. She’s mine and I know it. Just afew short years ago, I’d never have been in asituation like this. I would have been athome with my mom, playing Street Fighter,eating ice-cream sandwiches on a Fridaynight. But now, life is different. Verydifferent.

Five nights a week I go out. Five nights aweek I have the opportunity to go home witha beautiful woman. What’s changed? Theshort answer: everything. The slightlylengthier answer: I became a pickup artist …a very, very good one. And now I’m going tomake you one too.

I don’t care what you look like, how muchmoney you make, or how old you are. If youcan follow simple directions and are willingto put in a little bit of work, I can promiseyou a new life. A life filled with beautiful

7/415

women, incredible relationships, and ofcourse … lots of sex.

How can I make such a promise? Simple.Just like riding a bike, driving a car, or hit-ting a baseball, meeting women and makingthem quickly fall for you is a skill. At first, itmight seem hard … even impossible. Butonce you learn the proper technique and putin some practice, you can do it over and overagain—effortlessly, naturally, and easily. Todate, I’ve shared this skill set with hundredsof thousands of men around the world, and ifI know one thing to be true it’s this: anyonecan become a natural at the art of seduction.All you’ve got to do is want it. I’ll supply therest.

In the pages that follow I’ll lay out for you,step by step, the methods and techniquesthat will give you power, choice, and controlover your love life—attributes that until nowyou probably didn’t realize were possible.

8/415

But before I do, there’s something youneed to understand. What you’re about toread is not theory or guesswork; it’s not stuffI came up with by sitting around and think-ing about what women might or might notlike.

There’s enough of that out there already,and it’s crap.

Instead, what you’re about to discover isall field-tested and battle-proven. It’s whatI’ve personally discovered through my yearsof going out—night after night, day afterday—working endlessly to figure out whatworks … and what doesn’t.

I’ve done the hard work for you. I’ve en-dured the thousands of rejections it took be-fore I finally figured out what worked, andnow all you’ve got to do is read this book andthen do what I say.

The results will follow. I guarantee it.

9/415

How to Read This Book

In coaching thousands of students over thepast four years, I’ve learned how to structuremy teachings for maximum impact. Reflect-ing that experience, this book is organized ina very specific manner, the goal of which isto give you, the reader, the quickest possibleroute to mastery over the natural art ofseduction.

Because of this, I urge you, please, do notskip, skim, or flip through the pages in hopesof finding a magic “pickup line.” If you do, I

guarantee you will not find what you arelooking for.

Instead, read this book cover to cover, tak-ing in each section in the correct order, al-lowing each piece to build upon the previous.

You will begin with “From Geek to Natur-al.” This is my personal story of transforma-tion from a twenty-three-year-old who hadkissed only one girl, to a guy whom manynow consider one of the world’s top sedu-cers. My road to mastery was not easy. I star-ted in a very dark place and had all the chipsstacked against me. But I overcame thecountless obstacles in my path and pushedforward to get what I knew deep down Ireally deserved in life. My hope is that inreading my story you are inspired. That youbegin to realize that anything is possible;that if you aspire to be incredible with wo-men, you really can be.

In reading my story you will see the chal-lenges I faced and how I dealt with them.

11/415

This will provide you with a map to navigatethe sometimes-stormy seas of personaltransformation and the path to a newfoundconfidence and success with women. Youwill be equipped with a perspective that Isimply did not have, and this will allow youto greatly accelerate the pace at which youimprove with women. It took me years to getwhere I am today. For many of my studentsit takes just weeks, and in some cases, justdays.

In the second chapter, titled “The Attrac-tion,” you will learn what attraction really is,how it works, and most important, how to bea guy who makes women feel it. If you’rethinking that it has something to do withhaving fantastic facial features or a big bankaccount, I suspect you will be pleasantly sur-prised. The truth is, there are a few “triggers”that cause attraction in women. In this sec-tion, you will learn them, and the result willbe responses from women that far surpass

12/415

anything you’ve ever experienced before.Women will attempt to lock eyes with youwhen you pass them walking down thestreet, they’ll laugh at your jokes even whenyou’re not funny, and they’ll generally makethe whole process of seduction very easy foryou.

In “The Seduction” you will learn the exactsteps you need to take in order to seduce awoman in a smooth, natural fashion. We’llbegin with the overarching structure of a se-duction that I have developed—the “threecharacters of seduction” model—and then insubsequent chapters we’ll go step by stepthrough the model, giving you all the meth-ods and techniques you will need to make itwork. This includes how to approach a wo-man whom you’ve just laid eyes on; what tosay to her to immediately lower her guard;how to build trust, comfort, and a deep con-nection; how to smoothly take things for-ward in a sexual way, while limiting any

13/415

chance of rejection that might have existed;and how to handle the days and weeks fol-lowing your first encounter so that you main-tain control of the relationship, whether youwant it to be a casual thing or somethingmore serious.

We will then turn our attention to specificsituations, such as meeting women duringthe daytime, online dating, and a whole hostof situations in which you may find yourselfat one point or another. With the informa-tion contained in these chapters, you caneasily master the skills and become a naturalat dealing comfortably and effectively withwomen.

A Word of Caution

When you have completed this book, you willpossess a kind of raw power that at first can be

14/415

intoxicating. With great power comes great re-sponsibility. I encourage you to use your moralcompass when operating from this new place ofstrength. Use these skills to treat women better,not worse. And when you find that specialsomeone, offer her the love and respect shedeserves.

15/415

1. From Geek to Natural

Wherever you are right now with women, Ipromise you that my situation was worse. Ientered this world on July 7, 1980—in one ofthe slummiest and most dangerous parts ofLondon, England, where I was born to astruggling young single mother who raisedme the best way that she knew how. My fath-er, who I hear is an actor somewhere in Italy,dumped us both before I even arrived. I grewup pretty much scared shitless, shy, andgeeky … a natural-born loser and outcastfrom the very start.

Deathly insecure, I was a total failurewhen it came to any and all social interac-tions from grade school on to well past col-lege. It’s hard to believe now, but up until Iwas twenty-one, I had never even gone on asingle date, much less kissed a girl. Backthen, if you’d looked up the word “geek” inthe dictionary, you probably would havefound a picture of me.

Sad but true.Growing up poor and paralyzed by fear

and insecurity, I was so shy and messed upthat I couldn’t even answer the phone orplace a call to order a pizza! Needless to say,I stayed pretty much to myself. When Iwasn’t at school being picked on or bullied, Iplayed solitary video games for hours on endat our tiny apartment in the projects, or atmy eccentric grandmother’s house nearby,while my mother worked as a long-distanceoperator at the local telephone company.

In short, I was a total mess.

17/415

I was the kid at the neighborhood birth-day parties and other gatherings thateveryone always asked, “What’swrong?” or “Are you okay?” Meetingnew people terrified me, so I avoided itat all costs. I was nervous, shy, and so-cially inept. As a result, I often an-noyed people by saying the wrongthings at the wrong times. I washopeless.

Plagued by low self-esteem and with nodad in the house to teach me how tofight back, I was constantly bullied byclassmates who called me names like“Big Head” and “Moley”—the latterbecause of the birthmarks that I stillhave on my face.

18/415

I have no doubt that I was clinically de-pressed for much of the time, even wellpast high school. With few friends, Ihung around mostly with my cousinAlistair, who was five years youngerthan me but miles ahead in the maturitydepartment.

On the rare occasion that I was invited bya classmate or neighbor to attend a party orgo do something, I would always find a reas-on not to. “I’m sick” or “I have too muchhomework” were my standard excuses. Butdeep down inside I was dying to be popular.And the older I got, the more desperate I be-came. I worried myself to sleep every nightwondering if I would ever in my life have agirlfriend.

Here’s a classic example of how screwedup I was as a teenager. By some magicalfluke (or probably more like a delusion in myown mind), when I was sixteen there was a

19/415

nice girl in my class who I could tell sort ofliked me. I spent that whole year fantasizingabout her and trying to work up the nerve tosay something—anything—to her, but I justcouldn’t do it. After months of trying, thebest I could manage was to leave a handwrit-ten note on her bike saying that I liked herand that we should go out on a date some-time. Needless to say, that approach didn’twork, and she pretty much hid from me forthe rest of the semester.

After graduating from high school as atotal virgin—in fact, a guy who had nevereven held a girl’s hand, much less kissed agirl or gone out on a date—I entered acrummy little college because it was the onlyone that would accept me. My grades suckedas much as my social skills did: I’d regularlyskipped out on classes all through school be-cause I was bullied so much, so I was alwaysbehind.

20/415

Nevertheless, I decided I wanted to studyto become a schoolteacher. First grade, to beprecise. At least those kids wouldn’t pick onme, I reasoned—plus the coursework wouldbe easy. Mostly, though, I wanted to go tocollege to try to socialize and to get a girl-friend. But, man, were my attempts pathetic.

One night that first year, I ran into a girlwho lived in my dorm. She was stumblingdown the hallway, obviously more than alittle drunk, when she came over to me andsaid, “Hey, Richard. I’m … really horny!” Mygod, she was gorgeous. Even hammered, shewas irresistible. So how did I handle this sen-sational opportunity? Why, in the wimpiestway I could, of course. I said, “Oh, dear,” pat-ted her on the arm, and made a stupid ex-cuse about needing to go somewhere—andthen I ran out of the building as fast as Icould. Afterward, I didn’t even have muchregret. I didn’t know how to kiss, afterall—never mind how to take things to a

21/415

sexual level. The next time I saw her, she hada bemused look on her face. Sometime latershe said that she thought I must have been avirgin. Bingo.

Around that same time, I was on the streetone day when two super-cute female stu-dents around my age came over to me. Oneof them said, “Hey, you look a lot like my ex-boyfriend.” Just like before, all I could dowas smile and say, “Oh, really?” before rush-ing right past them. Yet again, I let an oppor-tunity to score evaporate into thin air.

A few months later, I was on a train whena group of gals started talking to me. One ofthem, giggling, asked if I’d ever had a three-some. “Wow,” I thought to myself, “this ismy lucky day.” Not! You guessed it. Before Icould work up the courage to ask for theirnames and their phone numbers, they got offat the next stop.

The bottom line is that overtly sexual girlsscared the hell out of me, because I was

22/415

clueless about how to handle them. This wasnever more evident than the night I was outat my local pub when an attractive young wo-man came up to me and said, “Would youlike to lick my lizard?” I was like, “What?!”She then proceeded to show me a small liz-ard tattoo that she had on her belly. Shock-ingly, I managed to respond properly (thatis, to respond at all) and I gave her lizard aquick lick. She stood there expectantly. Asmy mind raced through various potentialcomebacks, I said absolutely nothing. And soshe left.

That was me—back when I had no cool.When I had no confidence. When I had nogame whatsoever—natural, learned, or self-taught. It’s not like opportunities weren’tpresenting themselves, because they cer-tainly were. It was that I had no fucking ideahow to recognize or respond to them.

I was a man without skills, tools, tech-niques, or tips on how to succeed with the

23/415

opposite sex. To make matters worse, Iended up flunking that first year in college.Clearly, I was due for a change.

So I dropped out of school, moved back inwith my mom, and took a temporary job as amarketing assistant at local software com-pany. My primary duties were doing odd jobsand “gofer” work to help my bosses get theirbig presentations together. Easy stuff. I alsotracked the daily stock market performanceof the company’s main competitors. Al-though this was a small part of my job, Isoon discovered it was the bit I liked themost.

During this time, I was pretty much a totalrecluse when I wasn’t working. I never wentout at night. All I did was work, eat, playvideo games in my room, and sleep. I alsosaved my money and started studying thestock market.

Since my mom didn’t charge me for roomor board, after a few months I’d saved up

24/415

four thousand dollars from working. I askeda friend of my mom’s, who dabbled in thestock market herself, to invest it for me sinceI was underage and couldn’t trade for myself.I had a hunch and had her pursue it for me. Igot lucky and that stock went up … abouttenfold. This gave me the confidence to quitmy job and try my hand as a personal in-vestor—a day trader—working from home.

I got lucky once and thought I’d be thenext Warren Buffett. While that didn’t hap-pen, I did manage to stay afloat and not losemoney. Some years I was up, others I wasdown, but I generally did quite well, givenmy poor track record in life. While a smallbit of success was a divergence from my past,one thing definitely did not change: I wasstill scared shitless of socializing. When Ilook back now, I realize that the reason Ispent so much time at my computer, tradingstocks, was so that I could hide from thereality that I was very poor socially. With

25/415

every click of the mouse and with every fin-ancial transaction, I got to feel important in-stead of incompetent and ashamed of myself.I can’t remember ever, during my years as atrader, leaving my house at night to meetwomen. I’d tried that before, in college, andit didn’t work. I was terrified to fail again.

One night, when I was twenty-one yearsold, I went to sleep with tears running downmy cheeks. I’d spent all this time chasingmoney as a trader, and for the first time Irealized that I was just doing everything Icould to avoid the pain of being a pariah yetagain. What I really wanted was a girlfriend.I wanted to be loved. I wanted to experiencewhat it seemed like everyone else took forgranted. And as I finally went to sleep thatnight, I told myself I’d give up everything Ihad to find that one special girl.

A few nights later I uncharacteristically agreed togo out to a nightclub with one of the few male

26/415

friends that I had. This, in itself, was a huge ac-complishment for me. Soon enough, he clickedwith a hot-looking chick who happened to have arather nice-looking friend with her. Because sheand I were left to fend for ourselves, we had nochoice but to talk to each other while our friendswere off having a great time on the dance floor. Iwas nervous and couldn’t hold good eye contact,but I guess she liked my nice-guy mild manner.Meanwhile, my friend and the other girl weregetting along so well that he wanted to take herback to his place. He offered to drop us off at ourhomes on the way, so we went to “my” girl’sstreet first. Everyone said goodbye, and she gotout of the car.

As she walked the first few steps towardher front door, I sat in theback—paralyzed—gripping the seat beneathme for all it was worth. That’s when ithappened: I had one of those life-changingmoments when you force yourself to takeaction.

27/415

Asking my friend to wait, I lurched out ofthe car and ran after her. I called her name;she turned and I said, “Can I have your num-ber?” She shouted it out with a smile. Thiswas the first time I’d ever gotten a girl’snumber in my life.

The next day, I didn’t call because I wastoo nervous.

I called her the day after that, though. Shedidn’t answer, but I managed to stutter out abrief message.

Heartbroken, I was certain that she hadmuch better things to do than to speak to aloser like me. Amazingly, she called me backa couple of hours later after she got homefrom work. We arranged to meet for drinks acouple of days later. Things went pretty well,actually. It was my first date ever. We took itslow. I was psyched.

On our second date, I cooked dinner forher—another first!—at my place. Afterward,she sat next to me on the couch, put her head

28/415

on my shoulder, and … and I stroked herhair!

On the third date, we finally had our (andmy) first kiss—with her making the firstmove, of course. My bliss was short-lived,because as soon as the kiss was over shepromptly informed me that she had a boy-friend. Lucky for me, she also said that therelationship wasn’t really working. But thenshe dropped another bombshell, saying thatshe was planning to start college soon at aschool that was more than four hours away.

“Hey, no problem,” I assured her, eventhough we hadn’t even made it to secondbase yet. “I’ll book a hotel room and visit youevery weekend.”

We spent the next two and a half years to-gether. The relationship went about as wellas you might imagine: I was both very needyand very inexperienced. During that wholetime I had this nagging feeling that I wasstuck in the relationship because it was the

29/415

only one I could get. And even though I wasthankful for the chance to be with a girl,somehow it seemed like I was missing out onsomething. Eventually, we began arguingand things deteriorated until we broke up.

Back to square one for me. Only now I wastwenty-three years old, suddenly single, andstill living at home with my mother. Out ofsheer desperation, and not knowing what todo with my life, I began working on my-self—just trying to improve, to do whatever ittook to not be so bad at life. I wanted to be somuch more than I had been to that point.

I started by writing down all my problems,all the ways in which I wanted to be better;and then I made up a plan for addressingeach one. For my shyness, for example, I de-cided to do a TEFL (Teaching English as aForeign Language) course in Seville, Spain.It forced me, as I hoped it would when I firstread the prospectus, to be the center of at-tention and stand up in front of a class of

30/415

people for an hour at a time. In my firstclass, I was so nervous that my voice wasshaking. By the last one I was pretty good.Much of getting over shyness, and even fear,in approaching women relies on desensitiza-tion. That course really helped me a lot.

I also started reading two self-improve-ment books a week. I studied neurolinguisticprogramming (NLP), which is a branch ofpsychology that uses different techniquessuch as the artful use of language and visual-ization to influence not only one’s own sub-conscious mind but the subconscious mindsof others. I also studied mainstream psycho-logy, hypnosis, Buddhism, and other self-de-velopment approaches. I didn’t anticipatethe effect this would have, but it made mecalmer and more composed, generally happi-er and more contented. Buddhism and hyp-nosis made my focus of attention internal.

My fashion also needed fixing, and I spenta period of about two years trying to figure

31/415

out what worked best for me in terms of mystyle. I went from wearing baggy jeans, Niketops, and dirty running shoes to well-fitting,stylish designer clothes that I bought at dis-count outlets. At first, I made mistakes andbought terrible items (the fake Versace poloshirt with a huge logo, the Zegna suit thatwas two sizes too big), but over time I refinedmy style and learned a lot about labels,design, fit, and fabrics—and where to shopfor the best bargains.

I still wasn’t dating, but I was gettingready. And soon enough, fate would acci-dentally step into the picture.

I was sitting at a Starbucks with my cousin andconfidant, Alistair, listening to music on myiPod, when I noticed a bunch of dorky-lookingguys my age sitting nearby. They were listeningintently to what another guy at their table wastelling them. They looked like they were taking aclass.

32/415

Intrigued, I pulled out my earbuds andleaned over to try to eavesdrop. From what Icould hear, it sounded like they were takingnotes about how to pick up chicks.

“Hey, you! Over there!” the guy who wasdoing the talking suddenly shouted out in mydirection. “You better not be taping me!”

Alistair and I quickly explained that myiPod wasn’t a tape recorder, and with that hisface softened and he invited us over to histable. That’s when I first learned about theworld of the pickup artist, or PUA. He ex-plained that he was a PUA coach and that theguys with him were his students. I was in-trigued. He told me to go out and buy a bookcalled The Game by some American guynamed Neil Strauss. He said I should read it,and if I liked what I read, I might want togive him a call and sign up for his class.

From looking at the guys who were withhim, though, I didn’t really buy into the ideathat they could have any success with

33/415

women—they just plain looked too dorky.Even my teenaged cousin and I were a lothipper and cooler than they were, which isn’tsaying a lot.

Nevertheless, I asked young Alistair to runover to the nearby Borders bookstore tocheck out the book. An hour later, he calledme from the store. “Hey, Rich! I’ve found it!It’s great!” he said excitedly. “It’s by a journ-alist who infiltrated this underground societyof pickup artists.” He said it wasn’t so greatin terms of offering actual tips and tech-niques, but he liked what he read. I said,“Buy it!”

I read the entire book that night—cover tocover—in one sitting. I never signed up for aclass, but I did spend the next six months de-vouring everything I could get my hands on(via the Internet) about the guys who werefeatured in the book. Guys like Mystery andDavid DeAngelo. I diligently studied the sub-ject on my own, learning the techniques,

34/415

memorizing the lines. Eventually, I decidedto start trying it out for myself. After success-fully pulling off ten small “approaches”(starting brief conversations with a new wo-man), I felt I was finally beginning to get thehang of it.

Shortly after studying The Game, I went toSingapore on vacation. I was visiting my ex-girlfriend, whom I still had feelings for butwas no longer in love with. She did, however,have a colleague I was attracted to. I wasthere for a month and bumped into this girl afew times. She had been educated at Oxford,and I loved her Liz Hurley accent. One night,when we were in a bar and she was sittingnext to me, I put a small amount of my“learning” to use.

She put her hand on my leg, so I put myhand on her leg. She started rubbing my leg,so I reciprocated. She took my hand, so Ileaned in and kissed her.

35/415

I would have been happy with just a kiss,this being only the second girl I’d kissed inmy entire life! However, she escalated thingsfurther. “Let’s go,” she said, leading me out-side to a cab and back to my hotel. Truth betold, she did all the work. In the hotel room,she took her clothes off, lay back, and mademy job as easy as it could possibly be. I wasfinally getting somewhere!

My confidence was already boosted fromall the pickup artist theory now stored in myhead. I felt I had a secret weapon I could de-ploy with devastating results. And why not?It had a 100 percent success rate so far. Oth-er guys didn’t know this stuff. They were idi-ots! I was going to clean up! Okay, so she wasthe one who said, “Let’s go,” who got us in acab and took us back to a hotel; and she wasa friend of a friend, rather than a cold ap-proach—but hey! I’d gotten the result, andnow I was determined to get even better atdealing with women.

36/415

A few months later I moved out of mymother’s place and into an apartment in acool part of London that I shared with acouple of other young roommates. I pickedthe location specifically for meeting women,going out, and being sociable. I didn’t knowanyone—not even my roommates—so I knewI’d be forced to get out there and meetpeople.

Being new to the neighborhood, I had noimmediate social circle to connect with or tohang out with, so I eventually linked up withsome local pickup artists via online forums,and I started to tag along with them whenthey went out on the town. When we firstwent out I gave them the same kind of re-spect I’d given to the master pickup artistsdescribed in The Game. I thought that any-one who had spent years working onsomething would be very good at it.However, I quickly found out that most ofthese guys could talk a good talk and walk a

37/415

cool walk, but they didn’t seem to have a clueabout how to take things much further thangetting a girl’s phone number or a first danceor a kiss.

I’d watch one of those guys approach, andsee the girls look at each other with a “Helpme!” face, or I’d see them simply smile po-litely and then shake their heads and say,“What was up with that guy?” after he turnedhis back. To me, it was kind of sad, and Iknew that I wanted more.

Luckily, I had some other role models thatI could admire (on video and audio at least),but I still began to question the full potentialof all the touted strategies. If these guys hadtaken years of focused effort just to get wherethey were—which wasn’t far, in mybook—maybe I’d never be able to becomewhat I really wanted to be, which was agenuinely successful seducer who knew howto attract and handle beautiful women.

38/415

Quite frankly, I wasn’t interested in justscoring “bragging rights” about quick littlevictories such as getting a good-looking girl’sphone number or a quick kiss on the dancefloor.

I wanted more. I wanted to be the coolestguy in the room, the guy that gets the girland also has of bunch of cool friends and asocial life. Bottom line: I wanted it all. Iwanted to be the real deal.

Needless to say, I had to reevaluate mymotives and my expectations. I realizedpretty quickly that my goal should be to“game” not like a typical pickup artist butlike a “natural”—someone who exudes thequalities a woman would naturally be attrac-ted to … someone who doesn’t need tricksand gimmicks or lies to make women fall forhim.

Over the next few weeks, I met more of thesame kind of guys—pickup artist wannabeswho hadn’t yet mastered the game. Most of

39/415

them I didn’t really want to hang out with,but I did meet two, Eugene and Conor, whowere cooler than the others, and I tried to goout to as many bars and clubs with them as Icould. At this point, unless I’d gone to a par-ticular club or bar more than thirtytimes—which is a lot!—I still felt fairly un-comfortable with the environment.

Little by little, however, I was beginning toovercome my fear of talking to women, and acouple of times I even had some nice conver-sations, thanks to my inherent introvert skillof being a good listener. Eventually, with thehelp of Conor as my “wingman,” or social ac-complice, I was able to get a few phone num-bers in various clubs, but nothing came ofthem.

For example, one girl I was sure I’d meetfor a date—after we’d had a great conversa-tion, I took her number and we arranged tomeet the next week at a salsa club—textedme to say she’d hurt her ankle at the gym.

40/415

After that, I tried to meet her a few times,but it never happened; she always had an ex-cuse. My education and practice in attractingwomen continued.

The next big realization happened severalweeks later, when I was at a club with Conor.He approached two very attractive Swedishgirls and seemed to settle in on one. I waiteda short while and then joined them. Conorwas totally focused on his girl, but I wasn’thaving much luck with her friend. After sit-ting on the arm of her chair for a full hour,talking to her, and then finally finding a wayto sit down next to her, I felt like I was get-ting absolutely nowhere.

I was getting no touching from her, anddidn’t know what the hell I should do. Myprevious one-night stand in Singapore hadhappened only because the girl had touchedmy leg first; I’d just matched her moves witha few of my own. Frustrated now, I said tomyself, “Fuck it,” put my arm around the

41/415

Swedish girl, and went in for the kiss. Lo andbehold, it worked; she was into it!

Now I know I probably could have madethat move after thirty seconds rather thanwaiting a whole hour, and I probably couldhave moved on from the kiss to somethingmore, but the point is that taking the initiat-ive shifted something in my mind. I realizedthat women like men to lead; asking a wo-man if she wants to kiss, or waiting ages todo it, is just unattractive. In this case I didn’thave the knowledge I have now, so I couldhave been rejected when I went for it—but ifyou don’t try, you won’t ever find out whatyou might have missed. (I should note herethat lunging in suddenly for a kiss is a ter-rible thing to do. When you read the laterchapters in this book, you’ll learn the way todo it smoothly.)

The next milestone happened one nightwhen I was at a trendy dance club. Thefriend I was with identified a hot girl. She

42/415

was tall, blond, and thin, with blue eyes—justmy type. I went over and sat down next toher and started chatting away. After someteasing banter to challenge her, I lightlytouched her leg and arm, and she reciproc-ated. I went for the kiss after about fiveminutes. Then I led her around the club:“Let’s go get a drink” became “Let’s dance,”which then became “Let’s sit down.” We gotquite hot and heavy on the sidelines, andthen I just got up, took her hand, and said,“Let’s go.” She walked with me, asking only,“Where?” I said, “Somewhere else,” and ledher out of the club and over to my place.

An hour later we were in bed and getting iton. She left early in the morning to get backhome, and I was buzzing. My god! I’d finallyscored with an attractive girl—a perfectstranger—and within a matter of hours hadpersuaded her that I was good enough forher to sleep with. I was on my way.

43/415

In the days, weeks, and months that followed, Iworked furiously on my game. Now that I’d got-ten a little taste of success, I was a man on a mis-sion: to get as good at the pickup game as hu-manly possible. Night after night I went out andput into practice everything that I’d learned. Lotsof what I tried didn’t work. But every now andagain I’d come up with a new twist on an oldtechnique, and when it worked I’d incorporate itinto my skill set. As my game evolved, I becamevery, very good—a natural, or so it appeared. Sogood, in fact, that it was upsetting the people Iused to go out with. While my wingmen wouldbe prowling the club for their first approach, I’dbe making out with a girl in the corner of theclub. I moved on to sleeping with strippers. Thencame models and actresses. All the while myconfidence and skill grew.

While some of my old wingmen were madthat I’d gotten so good, others began to ap-proach me for help. They realized that al-though I had started “gaming” long after

44/415

they did, my progress was much faster. Andwhile everyone talked a good game, I was theonly guy in my original circle of friends whowas consistently sleeping with women whowere hot enough to be on TV and inmagazines. For the first few months I trainedguys one on one, giving them lessons “in thefield.” In other words, I would take them outwith me and basically show them what I wasdoing. They’d ask questions; and I’d answerand then demonstrate. Wash, rinse, and re-peat. Soon my students were getting resultsjust as good as I was getting, and I realizedthat what I had was a skill set that could beshared and taught. Eager to get the word outto more people about what I had developed,and to help guys who were in the position I’dbeen in when I began, I started a website,puatraining.com, and offered my first everseduction “bootcamp.”

PUA Training was born.

45/415

Since then it’s been a wild, wacky ride. I’vetrained thousands of “students” personally,released multiple best selling DVD trainingsets, been on just about every television sta-tion you can imagine, and been spotted andspoken to by students all over the world.

Whether I’m in New York, Buenos Aires,or Hong Kong, students recognize me on thestreets and come up to me, thanking me forthe information I’ve shared, often telling meabout the results they’ve gotten using myteachings. I have to tell you, nothing is morehumbling. The opportunity to change lives iswhat drives me, and these last few years havebeen an absolute blessing.

My goal in writing this book, the one youare about to read, is to impact yet anotherlife: yours. My hope is that you draw inspira-tion from my own personal journey and thenuse what you’re about to learn to write yourown.

46/415

2. The Attraction

We’ve all seen it: the overweight guy in hismid-fifties with a beautiful twenty-something on his arm, the less-than-good-looking guy who never shows up at a partywithout a few models, the unemployed carmechanic who practically has a waiting lineat his bedroom door.

The generally accepted beliefs about whatmakes a man attractive would dictate thatthese situations couldn’t occur. But they do.And they’re more common than most peoplerealize.

How is this possible?

Simple: the generally accepted view of howattraction works … is wrong.

The Truth About Attraction: StatusMatters

Yes, it’s true that we guys are attracted tobeautiful, young women.

But women? They want something entirelydifferent. They want a man—but not just anyman. They want one who is confident,powerful, socially savvy, and high in status.

The reason for this is rooted in evolution-ary biology.

Over thousands of years men and womendeveloped preferences for sexual partnersbased on criteria that allowed for the suc-cessful rearing of future generations. Whilemen evolved the desire for women with bigbreasts, clear skin, and beautifulsmiles—signs of fertility and health that

48/415

would increase the likelihood of successfulchildrearing—women evolved differently:they developed a preference for men whowould be able to protect their offspring andprovide for them in an often dangerous anduncertain world.

Because of the tribal context in which thisdevelopment occurred, women evolved tofeel attraction for men at the top of the socialtotem pole—in other words, men of highstatus.

So what exactly is status? Well, in anygroup of guys, there is a hierarchal forma-tion, and a man’s status is where he falls inthat ranking. On top is the leader—the alphamale, to borrow a term from scientists whostudy the animal world. He is the person inthe group who is the most important. He isthe one who exhibits the most influenceupon others. He is the one who calls theshots.

49/415

Being the leader is not an easy job. He hasto make tough decisions not only for himselfbut for the group as a whole, and he mustshoulder the responsibility of whatever hap-pens as a result of his decisions and actions.The rewards are plentiful, though: he getsfirst pick of available resources—and this in-cludes women.

To trigger a social response in women,we’ve got to let them know that we are thisspecial type of high-status male. Our jobwould be incredibly easy if we could just say,“Hey, I’m the leader!” or “Hey, I’m an alphamale!” But as I’m sure you know, this simplydoesn’t work.

In the absence of that sort of explicit state-ment, women wanting to determine whatkind of man you are instead watch your be-havior, looking for subtle cues that indicatewhere you stand in this world. Thus, to be-come attractive, you must examine the beha-vior of highly attractive males and then

50/415

demonstrate it yourself. Men who do this be-come very attractive to women.

It’s important here for me to addresssomething head-on: what I’m talking aboutright now is not pretending to be someoneyou aren’t in order to “trick” women. In-stead, this is about using an understandingof human behavior, psychology, and biologyto consciously change the ways in which youact to become a more powerful, confident,and attractive version of who you alreadyare.

Modeling “Alpha”

How does the alpha male behave? How doeshe think? What makes him so different fromthe beta males? These were the questions Ibegan asking myself as I embarked on myown transformation from lowly geek to mas-ter lothario.

51/415

For months I pored over scientific literat-ure, watched movies with powerful maleleads, and observed social interactionsacross a variety of settings, all with a pen andpaper in hand, furiously taking notes.

Ultimately, I arrived at a set of five charac-teristics present in nearly all high-statusmales and conspicuously absent in most low-status males.

These traits are:

1. A strong sense of self-belief

2. A strong physical presence

3. The ability and willingness to leadand make decisions

4. A cool, calm, and collected demeanorin high-pressure situations

52/415

5. Social intelligence (the ability to con-nect and communicate with others)

After determining that these were the “al-pha traits” I’d been looking for, I spent thefollowing days, weeks, and months develop-ing methods and techniques for changing theway I thought, felt, and behaved so that Icould embody these traits myself and finallybecome the cool, attractive guy I’d alwayswanted to be.

I’m happy to report that I was very suc-cessful in doing this. In fact, as you’ve justread in previous pages, my transformationwas nothing short of incredible.

What I’d like to do now is explain to you ina bit more depth what each of the five alphatraits is, how they all work, and most import-ant, the path you can take to acquire themfor yourself.

Let’s begin with…

53/415

Alpha Trait #1: A Strong Sense ofSelf-Belief

An attractive man is one who has a verystrong sense of self: a man who likes himself,trusts himself, and is confident in his ownability to act effectively in the world. At theroot of his psychology is a strong set of be-liefs—about himself, about how other peopleshould treat him, and about what he is en-titled to. These beliefs empower him to be-have in an attractive manner and get what hewants in life. This includes women.

Why are a man’s beliefs so essential to hissuccess with women?

The answer is that our beliefs shape ourbehaviors. And our behaviors dictate howothers perceive us and treat us.

If you hold a deep conviction that you area force of nature—an attractive man whom

54/415

women can’t keep their hands off—you willbegin to behave in attractive new ways.

Women will pick up on your behavior, de-termine that you are a man with a strongsense of self, and thus begin to feel attractionfor you.

If this sounds a little “hocus-pocus” to you,I promise you, it’s not.

For the first twenty-three years of my life Ihad a very low sense of self. I thought I wasugly. I thought I was an outsider. I thoughtwomen wanted nothing to do with me. Andbecause I thought these things, I behaved ina way that communicated to others, “Hey,I’m not very important, so please don’t treatme well!”

When I began working on my beliefs, act-ively changing them to new and more em-powering ones, everything began to change.Women even began telling me I was good-looking—something that had neverhappened before.

55/415

So how can you change your beliefs? I re-commend an integrated approach. By this Imean working on your belief system directly,in the two exercises that I’m about to showyou—using affirmations and putting yourselfin “the zone”—and also indirectly, by goingout into the real world and applying the se-duction skills that I will teach you in the lat-ter portion of this book. Neither approachingwomen nor doing “inner game” exercises willtransform your beliefs on their own. Butwhen you combine the two, the rate at whichyour whole reality begins to transform willastonish you.

Affirming Your Worth

I recommend a special twist on the well-known tool known as Affirmations. Affirma-tions, as you may know, are positive state-ments you make about yourself that act on

56/415

your subconscious mind. Over time they af-fect your self-image, confidence, and beliefs.Want to test their effectiveness before com-mitting? Write a list of all the things you likeabout yourself on one side of a piece of pa-per. Then, on the other side, write out all ofthe things that you don’t like. Notice howyour mood is affected differently when youread each side. By writing and then usingpositive affirmations, you counteract thegenerally negative influences that otherpeople, the media, and society have on yourself-esteem and belief system.

Keep your list of positive affirmationsabout yourself in a notebook by your bed.Read them as frequently as you can. So-mething else that I did—and really benefitedfrom—was to record my self-affirmationsonto an MP3 player and play them on a low-volume loop for hours. This strategy allowsthe positive beliefs to sink deep into your

57/415

subconscious mind while your consciousmind is distracted by day-to-day things.

Here are the rules for making affirmationswork:

1. They should be positive statementswritten in the present tense: “I amfriendly,” not “I will be friendly.”

2. They should avoid negative words:“I’m not an idiot” should be “I’mclever.” “I don’t get rejected” shouldbe “All women love me.” The subcon-scious doesn’t understand negatives.Imagine if someone told you not tothink about a pink elephant. Whatwould happen? You’d think of a pinkelephant. So saying, “I’m not a loserwho gets rejected and everyonehates,” is just as bad as saying, “I am

58/415

a loser who gets rejected and every-one hates.”

3. They should be based on how youpicture your ideal self—the personyou’d like to be, you at your best.

4. They should make you feel somethingwhen you say them. If you write anaffirmation and it doesn’t have thateffect, change the language around orscrap it altogether.

You can write affirmations as individualstatements or in paragraph form. Howeveryou choose to present them, they will changeyour life. I wrote my first affirmations inmid-2003, and they all came true within acouple of years. It’s spooky how it happened.At the time they were outside the realm ofpossibility, but my subconscious helped me

59/415

make them a reality. I urge you, please don’twrite these off as silly. They work.

Below are some examples of affirmationsyou can use. However, please be sure tomake yours meaningful to you.

I am a leader.

I am interesting.

I am a success in all that I do.

I can attract any woman I want.

I know my purpose.

I am confident in who I am.

60/415

I am cool, calm, and collected.

I am charismatic.

My world and my life are attractive andinteresting.

People meet me and want to know me.

I am interested in other people.

I meet fun, positive people.

Putting Yourself in “The Zone”

61/415

How you act is not determined by just yourbeliefs; it’s also impacted by your “state,” oryour feelings of resourcefulness and power.Have you ever been “in the zone”? Maybe itwas at your job, or it might have been withwomen. Regardless of the specific situation,you felt like you could do anything youwanted and it would just work: that’s whatbeing “in state” or “in the zone” is all about.When you’re out of state, out of the zone, youstruggle to do the things that you can easilydo when you’re empowered. When I was im-proving my life with women, being out ofstate really frustrated me. To counter thatfrustration, I developed a technique for rap-idly putting myself in the zone—that is, trig-gering that frame of mind where I feel like Ican conquer the world.

Here’s how to do it:Got your affirmations from before? Great.

Now pick out a handful of songs that haveextremely positive associations for

62/415

you—songs that really get you going. Startplaying those songs loudly and really get intothem, allowing yourself to experience astrong, positive emotional state. Then, onceyou’ve got that positive emotion coursingthrough your body, begin definitively sayingyour affirmations. At the same time, snapyour fingers and get your body moving togenerate some energy.

After you’ve repeated this little ritual fiveto seven times, the music, the affirmations,and the emotions will all begin to associatewith one another. Then, when you want tofeel confident and in the zone, all you need todo is say an affirmation or two, snap yourfingers, or listen to one the songs you chosefor your state-building exercise—and voilà:you’re there.

State Control Toolkit

63/415

Small MP3 player for taking your music(and recorded affirmations) anywhere.

A sheet of paper with writtenaffirmations.

A definitive body movement such asfinger-snapping.

When you’re in state, in the zone, you feelconfident. You feel attractive. You feel likethe most powerful person in the room. Thisdeep emotional conviction will radiate, andother people will feel your power. The menwill follow your lead. The women will be-come attracted to you.

These two exercises should put you on thepath toward mastering your beliefs and yourstate. When you couple them with the actualapproaching you will be doing after you learn

64/415

the seduction techniques in the latter part ofthe book, you will begin to experience rapidand dramatic changes.

Alpha Trait #2: A Strong PhysicalPresence

High-status men have different body lan-guage from that of the typical male. Everyman, whether alpha or beta, gives off clearnonverbal indicators to women of their rankand their level of attractiveness. Let’s firstlook at how most guys carry themselves, andthen we’ll focus on how to display the bodylanguage of a powerful male in order to in-crease attraction and interest from women.

Low-Status Body Language

65/415

Most guys fidget. They’re nervous, and itshows. Their weight shifts from leg to leg.When they’re out at a bar, they hold theirdrinks up close to their chest and frequentlytake sips. They don’t take up much physicalspace, literally.

And that’s when they’re by themselves.When they talk to women and other men, itgets worse: they’re afraid to touch, gesture,or show much expression—on top of thenervous movements described above.

All of these are nonverbal signs of lowstatus.

High-Status Body Language

In order to stand out from 99 percent of guysout there and establish yourself as a confid-ent and powerful man, follow theseguidelines:

66/415

Legs. Stand with your feet slightly widerapart than is natural. It will feel strangeat first, but you’ll also feel completelyrooted, like a tree. This will stop youfrom changing position or shifting yourweight.

Arms. Most people I train have a prob-lem with fidgeting; they move theirhands around, play with their cuffs orwatch, touch their face, put their handsin their pockets and out again, and justcan’t stay still. This is a sign of insec-urity, and women will pick up on it im-mediately. Here’s a trick to get overthis: put your thumb against your indexand middle fingers and let your handsfall to your sides. This removes the nat-ural tendency for the fingers to findsomething to do. You can stay in this

67/415

position comfortably for hours withoutmoving.

Eyes. Don’t look down! It conveysweakness. Be confident; hold eye con-tact with people. But remember, it isn’ta staring match; soft, natural eye con-tact is what you need. If you need sometime to get confident holding eye con-tact and still feel the need to look away,break eye contact to the side rather thandown.

Head. Move your head slowly—thatconveys high status. Quick head move-ments make you look nervous.

Space. Take up lots of space. Own theroom! When sitting, spread yourselfout. When standing, have a wide,

68/415

confident stance or use gestures. Whendancing, move around the dance floor alot and use big arm movements (thoughbe careful not to knock people over). Inthe past, I always used to get bargedout of the way and my toes trodden on;since I started using alpha body lan-guage, people give me more space andthis never happens. You’ll know you’redoing things right when the same hap-pens to you.

I cannot overstate the importance of ad-opting the correct body language. Because somany guys get it wrong, when you fix yoursyou’ll stand out from the pack in a major wayand women will notice.

Assignment #1

69/415

Practice the alpha stance in your hometo see how it looks in the mirror. Nexttime you’re in a bar, observe otherpeople’s body language based on theguidelines above. See who has good andbad body language. Be very aware ofyour own and try to switch into alphabody language as often and as fast aspossible.

At first it might be a little difficult to alterthe way you carry yourself. That’s perfectlyokay. Breaking old habits is a process of firstbecoming aware of what you’re doing wrong;then noticing when you’re doing it, stoppingit, and eventually replacing this behavior.

One of the major benefits of our live PUATraining programs is that we can observestudents’ nonverbal communication and caninstantly identify and correct things thatmost people just wouldn’t pick up—thingslike nervous tics, awkward mannerisms—all

70/415

things that are unattractive. Trust me, we’veall had them. I used to laugh nervously andtouch my face. It took my brutally honestcousin (who was also studying pickup tech-niques) to point this out.

Alpha Trait #3: The Ability andWillingness to Lead and Make Decisions

Alpha males make decisions, both for them-selves and for the groups that they lead.Whether it’s something as trivial as wherethe group should eat dinner or something asserious as determining whether one groupmember needs to be ostracized, the alphamale is the one who makes the decisions.

Taking ownership of decisions issomething that is not naturally comfortablefor most people. There is in many cases ahigh risk of failure and negative ramifica-tions. Because of this, when you can make

71/415

decisions for a group, you are in effect “step-ping up.”

You are doing the tough job, and becauseof this people will respect you. The morepeople respect you, the more power and au-thority you will be granted. And the morepower you have, the more you can influenceand lead.

Using the Power of Certainty

There is a little loophole in human psycho-logy: whoever is most certain wins. In otherwords, when multiple people have multipleideas or viewpoints, the person who believesmost certainly that he or she is correct willgenerally win out and influence others.Those who have relatively little in the way ofan opinion will look to the person who ismost certain to make decisions for them.

72/415

Just realizing this one simple fact makes aworld of difference. Approach the world withthe idea that “whoever is most certain wins,”and you will find that you get very differentresults.

When it’s lunchtime and your friends startgrumbling about being hungry, make a de-cision. Say “Let’s go here” or “Let’s go there”with total certainty. Don’t ask if this is okaywith everyone. Just assume it is—and it willbe.

(Additional tip: if you want to make yourstatement more persuasive, add the word“because” and then just about any reason,and people will even more readily complywith your suggestion—for example, “Let’s goto that diner around the corner because theyhave the best burgers.”)

Start small. Begin practicing decisivenessand leadership when you and your friendsare deciding where to grab lunch. Then, asyou get more comfortable and confident with

73/415

the process, begin stepping up in increas-ingly more pressure-filled situations. Beforelong, you will have established yourself as anatural leader in your group—and a domin-ant personality in every interaction you have.

Women will take notice, and their attrac-tion to you will increase.

Holding Your Power with Beautiful Women

Just as you must hold your power with themen around you, you must exercise it whenin the presence of women as well. The morebeautiful the woman, the more she’s used tobeing given all the status. A deferential manwill ask her to make decisions on everything,from whether it’s okay to take her phonenumber and when she’s available to meet, towhere she would like to go, whether hisclothes are okay, and if the food at a pro-posed restaurant is good. This is actually

74/415

very unattractive. It’s so common for men togive away all their power like this that therare man who doesn’t is prized.

The rules for maintaining status whendealing with a woman are simple:

1. Don’t ask lots of questions whenyou’re facing a decision together.

2. Don’t give her the decision-makingpower. Only give her the option to ac-cept your choices. “Where would youlike to eat?” gives her the decision-making power, but “Let’s go to theItalian place, yeah?” gives her onlythe chance to go along with yourdecision.

3. Don’t seek approval: “Is this okay?”“Is that all right with you?” “How’smy jacket look?”

75/415

4. Lead: “I’m hungry; let’s go eat,” or“I’m thirsty; let’s go get a drink.”

A perfect example of this high-status beha-vior is Don Draper, a character in the seriesMad Men. If you haven’t seen him in action,I highly recommend that you get the DVDsand watch him. (Also, it’s a great show.)

Alpha Trait #4: A Cool, Calm, andCollected Demeanor in High-PressureSituations

If you were to observe a social situation fromafar, you would likely notice that one personseemed significantly more comfortable andrelaxed than the other(s). This level of com-fort is a nonverbal sign of status and value

76/415

and is something that, with a little bit ofpractice, you can absolutely achieve.

There are three types of comfort in partic-ular that you will want to master.

The first is quite simple; it is…

Comfort in the Environment

Examples: Bartenders, DJs, and bouncersare all known to do very well with women.The main reason for this is that they’re themost comfortable guys in the place, becausethey’re there every night and the environ-ment can’t faze them. But let’s get somethingclear—most bartenders are not high-statusguys. The other guys in the club could bemillionaire businessmen wearing ten-thousand-dollar suits and buying bottles ofexorbitantly pricey Cristal champagne. Bar-tenders, on the other hand, earn fairly low

77/415

wages. It’s purely that they look comfortable.There is no other secret to it.

How to get comfortable: The pickup en-vironment that most betrays a lack of confid-ence at first glance is the nightclub. Peopledon’t often feel nervous when they’re walk-ing down the street or shopping, but in aclub the pressure is so much more intense.This is even more of a problem with high-end venues. What needs to happen in thiscase is simple desensitization. Pick a cluband a day of the week to go there. Go withfriends or on your own. Your mission is notto talk to anyone or do any gaming, butpurely to become comfortable in the environ-ment. Learn the layout; start to recognize fa-miliar faces; have some casual conversationswith staff.

The key is to get comfortable and starttreating the place like your own home. Sit orstand comfortably in a low-energy, chilled-out way or genuinely enjoy the music,

78/415

moving around without caring what othersthink or retreating into your head. Those arethe only two effective modes of behavior inthe club; nothing in between will look com-fortable. If you’re trying to look like you en-joy the music by tapping a foot out of rhythmor nodding your head because you think youshould, you won’t look right. (Refer to thebody language discussion earlier in thischapter for a fuller description.)

When you first enter a nightclub with themission to become comfortable, be very ob-servant; notice the guys who look comfort-able and the ones who don’t. Try to seethings from the woman’s point of view. Byremoving the pressure of needing to pick upor talk to women, you can start to enjoy theenvironment and create positive associationswith it, rather than viewing it as a high-pres-sure place where you must game.

The second kind of comfort is…

79/415

Comfort in Interacting with Beautiful Women

So, she’s seen you and judged you as confid-ent from a distance. As long as you don’tmake any mistakes with eye contact (break-ing it downward or generally being uncom-fortable with it), you’ll be fine all the way upto the actual approach. But how does a wo-man decide if you’re a confident man whenyou’re actually talking to her?

The next stage, then, is appearing comfort-able in conversation. How could a beautifulgirl ever be attracted to a man who isn’t con-fident when interacting with her? Won’t thismake her feel uncomfortable in herself?(Okay, in maybe 2 percent of cases she maythink you’re “cute.” But 2 percent of casesaren’t any kind of game—apart from a num-bers game.)

Examples: Guys who own a model agency,work in a strip club, or manage a restaurant

80/415

with hot waitresses all have something incommon—they get laid. One of the majorreasons is that they’re desensitized to inter-acting with beautiful women and are there-fore comfortable around them. Someonewho has worked for a model agency for twoyears won’t be shaking, sweating, breakingeye contact, or looking generally nervous oruncomfortable if he meets a beautiful wo-man. She will recognize, consciously or un-consciously, that her beauty doesn’t fazehim, and this will mean he isn’t viewed as alower life-form, unlike the other guys whoare obviously very affected by her looks.

How to get comfortable: Go to places witha high concentration of very beautiful wo-men, like exclusive department stores andhigh-end clubs, or visit major cities wherestunning women populate the streets, likeLos Angeles, Miami, New York, or London(or countries such as Latvia, a small nationin Europe with amazing women everywhere).

81/415

In these situations set an achievable goal,which is simply to open and leave. (We’ll talkmore about opening later.) Have your openerand your escape line ready—except in a stripclub, where an opener isn’t necessary sincethere the women open you. Desensitize your-self to their looks; get comfortable holdingeye contact; learn to keep your composure.Through this experience you will realize thatgorgeous women aren’t so different or diffi-cult to talk to, and they, for their part, willperceive you as comfortable, which willgreatly increase your chances of buildingattraction.

The third and last type of comfort is…

Comfort in Your Own Skin

So you look confident from a distance(though most guys don’t!). You seem confid-ent when you’re talking to her. What does

82/415

she do then? She tests you out. She chal-lenges you to see how you will react. Shemight ask you why you’re wearing “thatsweater,” if you are “a player,” or why youdon’t go to the gym. The test is to see if youare internally confident or comfortable inyour own skin.

This testing is a good sign, because it startsto happen once she’s becoming committed tothe interaction and wants to find out if you’rethe man for her. This kind of testing will con-tinue beyond those initial questions, and tomeasure up you will need to display varioustypes of confidence, including physical escal-ation and sexual confidence.

Example: A guy who consistently goeswith hot girls and is comfortable with who heis is nonreactive and unemotional in the faceof tests. To get to this point, you have to putin a bit of work. I have a theory that peoplebecome shy because they’re worried aboutexposing their weaknesses to others. They

83/415

are scared of being perceived as ugly, or hav-ing a silly voice, or being poor, or whateverelse. So they do little and say less so that theyaren’t found out. Someone who is contentwith himself will not be reticent to put him-self out there and won’t react as much iftested.

How to get comfortable: Sit down andwrite out each of your weak points, thethings about yourself that you’re not happywith. Next to each, write an action you cantake to help it. That action might fix the issueby 100 percent or maybe just 20 percent, buthaving a plan for improving your situation,even just incrementally, will positively im-pact your confidence and self-esteem. Earlierin this book I talked about how I did this,and it was a massive factor in gaining theconfidence I now possess. (Don’t get mewrong—there are still aspects of myself thatI’m not entirely satisfied with, but there aremuch fewer than there used to be.)

84/415

Alpha Trait #5: Social Intelligence

High-status men have high levels of what iscalled “social intelligence.” Social intelli-gence is a term that encompasses many char-acteristics, but in general it describes an un-derstanding and awareness of social dynam-ics and an ability to navigate themaccordingly.

Becoming Socially Savvy

The primary component of social intelligenceis the ability to connect and communicatewith others—in other words, basic socialskills. A socially intelligent man knows howothers around him feel at all times. He un-derstands the status hierarchies, the powerdynamics, and the difference between cooland uncool.

85/415

Put simply, he’s in the know; and becauseof this, he comes off well in most anycompany.

In the coming chapters of this book, youwill learn the dynamics of social situationsand the skills you need to appropriately nav-igate any environment. When you masterthose skills, you will be seen as a man of highsocial intelligence, and this in itself will makeyou attractive.

The ability to walk up to a random groupof women and have them fawning over youwithin seconds is a strong indication of socialgrace and intelligence. And when you’vecompleted this book, it’s an ability you willpossess.

Recognizing the Importance of Fashion

In addition to your actual social skills, thereis another factor that can be used—and that

86/415

women in particular do use—to gauge yourlevel of social intelligence, and that is yourfashion. Since the beginning of time fashionhas been used to communicate status; andmore recently it’s become a secret languageof coolness. To have good fashion sense is tocommunicate that you are socially in tunewith what’s happening. You know what’scool; you know what’s not.

If you think back to grade school and thekids who were made fun of, there’s a goodchance that they were dressed in a particu-larly uncool way. I know this fromexperience.

On the other hand, if you think about thecool kids, they all probably dressed in cloth-ing similar to each other’s. And no matterwhat that style was, it communicated, “Hey,I get it; I’m socially accepted.”

Now, when it comes to getting your fash-ion together for the purpose of signaling

87/415

attractiveness to women, here are mythoughts:

First, be brutally honest with yourself.Most guys think that they dress “just fine.”However, if women aren’t complimentingyou on how much they like your style, there’sa very strong possibility it’s not fine.

If this sounds like you, it’s completely un-derstandable. Outside of the fashion industrymagazines, there’s almost no good materialout there for regular guys who want to dresswell. I know, because I used to be one of theworst fashion offenders possible. I used towear sport clothes, baggy jeans, and clothingthat never got compliments. I dressed formyself, not for women. I was comfortable,sure, but my wardrobe was an absolute mess.Once I decided to ditch my cheap sneakersfor stylish loafers and traded in my Airwalkhoodie for a suede sport coat, I finally startedgetting compliments and positive attentionfrom women.

88/415

After personally transforming my ownstyle and spending hundreds of hours study-ing the art of coolness when it comes to fash-ion, along with helping thousands of stu-dents trade in their loose-fitting t-shirts forbutton-downs, I developed the followingconcise list of rules for dialing in yourfashion:

How to Dress for Success

Don’t dress generically. If your clothesare so plain that they can’t be commen-ted on by a woman, even one tryinghard to find something nice to say, thenyou’re generic. If you’re wearing drabcolors with standard cuts and generallyblending into the background, you’renot making the most of your personalstyle. Look around at other men and

89/415

see how much you can notice abouttheir sense of style. If their jeans havedetails and funky touches, those arebetter than standard Levis. If the sweat-er or t-shirt has a tailored cut, a slogan,cool detailing, funky colors, or a graph-ic, it’s something outside of the generic(i.e., boring) and reflects your personal-ity in a much better way.

Spend money on the right things. An ex-pensive shirt or pair of jeans is wastedif your shoes are ugly. Spend a lot ofmoney on a couple of good pairs ofshoes (one black, one brown). You canmix cheap (but well-fitting) jeans andshirts with great shoes, and you’ll looklike you’re wearing an expensive outfit.After nice shoes, the jacket is thesecond most important thing (inwinter). Next is the shirt or T-shirt, and

90/415

last are the jeans or pants. A few greatoutfits are better than lots of averageones.

Match clothes correctly. Blue jeans andbrown shoes are better (as in more eye-catching and unique) than blue andblack. Don’t wear more than three col-ors in combination. Skinny pants pairedwith a baggy shirt are just plain wrong;the fits should all match. More than onebold color probably means a clash.Sport shoes have no place other thanthe gym, but brand-new designersneakers are okay.

Accessorize wisely. Don’t over-accessor-ize for the sake of it. If you naturallyhave that surfer style, some beads aregreat; but if you are a businessman it’llmake you look a little strange. Stick to

91/415

an interesting watch and a nice leatherbelt. If at all possible, leave your ear-rings and nose rings at home.

Peacocking Gone Wrong

Peacocking is the technique of wearingclothes and accessories that attract at-tention. There’s a right way—adoptingyour own individualistic style—and awrong way to peacock. Many wannabeladies’ men copy the clothes and ac-cessories of guys who are famously goodwith women—rock stars who haveunique styles, for example. I often seethese wannabes around, and they lookuncomfortable and forced—like they’rewearing something because they thinkthey should wear it. It doesn’t suit them;it’s not a style that represents their char-acter. These guys will get attention, yes;but subconsciously a woman will find

92/415

their appearance strange. They lookweird and stand out in a bad way. If youmust peacock, wear things that you liketo wear because you think they work foryour personality.

Get the best haircut you can afford. Ifyou’re not getting comments on yourhaircut, you could possibly do better.Go to an expensive salon for a freeconsultation, find out what would bethe best cut for your face shape andhair type, and then get the actual cutdone in a cheaper place. And by allmeans keep it maintained. My “design-er haircut” actually saves me money—Ionly cut it every three months and useno product!

Be well groomed. Get the dirt out fromunder your fingernails. Brush your

93/415

teeth. Shine your leather shoes. Keepcologne and aftershave to a bareminimum.

Look like you’re successful and comfort-able with women. Wear your clothes inthe right way—unbutton your top but-tons, roll your sleeves up. Look aroundand copy sexy styles. Looking likeyou’re successful with women issomething you can’t do with genericclothes. Think Colin Farrell, JohnnyDepp, and David Beckham.

Putting It All Together

The concepts I’ve just explained and thesteps that I’ve just outlined are the ones thatI personally used to change the way I think,

94/415

feel, and behave—both in everyday life andaround women. I’m confident that if you fol-low in my footsteps, you will see very similarresults.

At first, taking on new mannerisms andbehavior patterns might seem a bit awkwardand clunky. I urge you to keep at it; keepyour focus on constantly improving, one dayat a time. Eventually, you will look in themirror one day and you will be blown awayby the person you’ve become. Do your af-firmations, build positive emotional patternsand states, work on your body language,practice being assertive and charismatic, andupgrade your fashion. Don’t focus on perfec-tion. Just focus on progress.

Keep at it, and I promise you, you will bepleasantly surprised by the person you be-come, and of course by the new ways inwhich women start looking at you and treat-ing you.

95/415

3. The Seduction

Now that you know the keys to becoming anattractive male, it’s time to master the art ofseduction, acquiring the ability to go out anynight and take a beautiful woman home, ifyou so choose.

In this section, I offer you the method Ihave developed—and use to this day—tomeet, attract, and sleep with beautifulwomen.

We begin, in this chapter, by establishingan overarching framework for your interac-tions—a “map” if you will—that you can fol-low from the moment you meet a woman,

until the moment you are kissing her good-bye the next morning. Then we will dive intothe specifics of each step—the exact meth-ods, techniques, and strategies you will beemploying to successfully seduce the womenyou choose.

This is the material that separates the guyswho get “lucky” from the guys who get laid.Study this section carefully—read througheach chapter more than once—and then beprepared to take action. There is no limit towhat you can achieve, once you do.

The Characters of Seduction

When I first began learning the pickup game,I was literally drowning in information—andmisinformation—about being good withwomen.

One guru would say women want a manwho can’t be controlled. Another would say

97/415

women want an emotionally deep man thatthey can connect with.

One purported expert would say the key isto be the super-social frat-boy kind of guy,while another would say the key is to be amodern-day Don Juan—a smooth, seductivemale who cuts through the clutter and ro-mances a girl with poems, roses, and finewine.

The problem for me was that each of thesearchetypes, when I heard them described,made complete sense. I’d actually seen ex-amples of them in the real world—and I’dseen guys like these have massive amounts ofsuccess. But as soon as I’d become convincedthat one particular way was the right way,I’d come upon a different style of seduction,also compelling, that seemed to completelycontradict the one that came before.

Overloaded with information and conflict-ing models of how seduction worked, I hitthe “field” to test them all out on women so

98/415

as to discover which approach to the gameactually worked.

And the result wasn’t pretty.Have you ever seen a five-year-old display

artistic genius by mixing every color of therainbow together and creating a putrid shadeof brown?

Well, that’s what my game looked like!One moment I’d be deeply engaged in a

discussion about my life story, and the nextmoment I’d be acting like an arrogant moviestar.

Women would just look at me, perplexedthat I was changing “character” so abruptly.Then inevitably they’d kindly (or not sokindly) remove themselves from conversa-tion with me. It really was amazing howmany women suddenly had to use the bath-room as soon as I got past the five-minutemark with them in a club.

After repeatedly failing, I came to a realiz-ation: there was no single correct character

99/415

to play in a seduction; no one universally ap-plicable seduction persona that works everytime.

Instead, I realized, different types ofgame—different ways of behaving during aseduction—were required at different timesduring the same interaction. The way you be-have at the start of the seduction is differentfrom the way you behave twenty minutes in.

The way you behave twenty minutes in isdifferent from the way you behave when theclub is closing down and you’re ready to takethe girl home.

When I came to this realization, I beganexperimenting with different sequences ofseduction—acting one way first, and then adifferent way after I’d settled into an interac-tion. Smoothly transitioning from one char-acter to the next in a way that was consistentmoved my interactions forward, and madesense given the context.

100/415

After weeks of trial and error I hit uponthe perfect model, one I called “the threecharacters of seduction.” And when I startedusing it, wow—my game took off and I neverlooked back.

Now I’d like to give the model to you.There are three “characters,” or personas,

that the successful man takes on during a se-duction. Each of them serves a different pur-pose. None of them involves “acting”—it’sjust a different way of behaving. We all havethe capacity to behave in a wide variety ofways, after all. What the three charactersmodel helps you do is structure your behavi-or so that you’re always acting in a way thatmaximizes your success with women andmoves you forward, from the first momentyou see a woman you admire to the time yougo home with her.

You begin with “Mr. Sociable” upon theinitial approach. After you’ve “gotten in”with the girl, you transition to a character I

101/415

call “Mr. Comfort”; finally, you transition to“Mr. Seducer” when the time is right for youto start leading things toward the bedroom.

The Three Characters in Action

What follows is a description of each of thepersonas, along with the behavioral charac-teristics that define them, and famous moviecharacters you can use as models.

102/415

Mr. Sociable

This is the guy who makes a great first im-pression; very animated, he has a high en-ergy level and makes people feel comfort-able. He’s able to win over any group, makethem laugh, and generally brighten up theirevening. Everyone is glad this person isaround because there are no awkward si-lences; he keeps the conversation going.

Someone who is naturally Mr. Comfortand starts an interaction in that role tends tothink too much about what he says; hethinks he’s being considerate, but the resultis off-putting. People relax a lot more whenthe person they’re with is relaxed himself.Mr. Sociable personifies this relaxed attitudebecause he is very natural and says whatcomes to mind. Because he is comfortable,people relax around him.

103/415

On the other hand, although he’s verygood for the first few minutes, he might findit hard to connect with an individual, or toseduce her, simply because he is too high-en-ergy. After a while women will become tiredof talking to him, because he can’t be seriousor deep. We’ve all been in situations withsomeone who constantly cracks jokes; it’sgood for a few minutes but quickly becomestiresome. Use this character for only the firstfew minutes—until you’re into a comfortabletwo-way conversation and you sense that thewoman wants you to stick around.

Extroverts will find it easy to step into thisrole, whereas introverts will find it harder. Iknew for a long time that I needed to bemore sociable, outgoing, funny, and interest-ing—but how do you do that?

The Skills of Mr. Sociable

104/415

Be engaging. As long as people arelooking at you and listening, theyaren’t going anywhere and you’ll beable to get past the first minutes and in-to a conversation. To hold people’s at-tention, you can use a few nonverbaltechniques. First, hold eye contact. Ifit’s one girl, keep a good amount of eyecontact; if it’s a group, spread the eyecontact around, directing it especiallyto any person who seems to be losinginterest. Second, use gestures. Whenyou gesture, it catches the eye and is agreat way to keep attention focused onyou. Third, be expressive. If you have apoker face, people won’t feel called tolook at you. Fourth, vary the tone ofyour voice, using pauses and differentpacing. Trying to remove ums and ersfrom your speech will really help yourresults as well.

105/415

Be positive. Nobody likes a downer. Al-though we can often connect withpeople by talking about negative stuff,people would much prefer to be sur-rounded by those who make them feelgood. Always look for the positive, andif someone starts a negative conversa-tional thread, try to switch it as soon aspossible. I’m not talking about being inla-la land; you can be realistic, but ifyou have the choice of talking aboutsomething negative or positive, accen-tuate the positive.

Enjoy yourself. Smile. Take pleasure inthe music, the company, the venue, thedrinks, the food. We are always drawntoward people who look like they’rehaving fun. Enthusiasm, passion, andhappiness are contagious. You willmake people want to be part of your

106/415

life if you look like you’re enjoyingyourself. One man might be a billion-aire with the perfect life but look boredand uninterested; another might be av-erage in every external regard but havea real passion for life. Women willwant to be with the second man, be-cause he can make them feel good.

Do most of the talking. Ask few ques-tions. Keep the conversation light andsituational.

To further develop these character traitson your own, here are some additional activesteps and exercises:

Do something that involves publicspeaking and being the center of atten-tion—take a stand-up comedy or acting

107/415

class, or teach a course as I did when Ispent six weeks in Seville teachingEnglish as a second language.

Examples of Mr. Sociable

Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn as Johnand Jeremy in Wedding Crashers

Ryan Reynolds as Van in Van Wilder

Try this acting exercise with a friend:one-word improv. The way it works isthat you make up a story together, oneword at a time: you say a word (“I”)and then your friend says a word(“will”), and you continue like this un-til you’ve got a narrative. (Go. And.See. My. Friends. At. The. Beach. And.Build. A. Sandcastle. Then…) Whenyou come to a full stop, you use words

108/415

like “next,” “afterward,” and “then” tocarry it on. If you manage to increasethe speed as you get good at this, theskill should translate directly into nat-ural conversation.

Mr. Comfort

After you’ve integrated into a group or madeinitial contact with a woman, you can bringout Mr. Comfort. When you first approachstrangers, they’re usually in a wait-and-seemode. It might happen quickly, or mighttake a while, but soon they will open up toyou and commit to the interaction. How doyou know when this has happened? Non-verbally: they will stop looking at each other,or around the room, and focus on you andwhat you’re saying. Verbally: they will start

109/415

to commit more to the conversation, givinglonger answers and asking you questions.

While Mr. Comfort isn’t as outgoing as Mr.Sociable, he’s no slouch in the interaction de-partment. Mr. Comfort is interested and in-teresting. He listens about 50 percent of thetime, doesn’t talk too much about himself,and tries to understand women, find com-mon interests, and build rapport. He shouldstick around until you’ve established a palp-able connection with a girl, at which point heshould start to bring in some elements of thenext character, Mr. Seducer. Usually, Mr.Comfort can’t start conversations very welland isn’t very seductive, so it’s awkwardwhen he goes in for a kiss.

Most introverts will be at home in thismode. The problem is getting stuck in it!Ninety percent of the time, when guys tell methey’ve been put into the “friend zone” by awoman, it’s due to being Mr. Comfort for toolong. Giving off no sexual vibe, no matter

110/415

how good you are conversationally, meansyou’re of no more use to her than her girl-friends or gay best friend!

The Skills of Mr. Comfort

Listen actively. When others are speak-ing, don’t just stand there waiting tojump in. Look them in the eye, nodyour head, and encourage them tocontinue.

Imagine that you’ve known the personyou’re speaking to for your entire life.Project the feeling of fondness youhave for your oldest and best of friendsand watch as this new acquaintancereciprocates.

111/415

Examples of Mr. Comfort

David Schwimmer as Ross in the TV showFriends

John Krasinski as Jim in the TV show TheOffice

Jason Segel as Peter in ForgettingSarah Marshall

Humanize yourself—paint a picture ofwho you are, where you’re from (yourhistory), and what you’re all about.Don’t brag; simply open up and allowyour conversational partner to see youfor who you are. Don’t be afraid topoke fun at yourself and talk about thetime you embarrassed yourself at yourbirthday party when you were eightyears old. Imperfection is lovable.

112/415

Mr. Seducer

The Seducer is the man who is unapologeticabout his sexual intention toward a woman.While he doesn’t come out and overtly say,“Hey, I want to sleep with you!” he does givesignals to the woman that he’s very inter-ested, in a smooth, almost calculated way. Beit the way he looks at the woman, the way heholds her hand, or the way he uses his voice,Mr. Seducer is the guy who can get the girlinto bed.

The Mr. Seducer character doesn’t just popout of left field when you need him. Instead,he emerges gradually, the more you find outabout a woman. This way, your attraction toher is justified and, in her eyes, is not basedon looks alone.

113/415

The Skills of Mr. Seducer

Don’t be afraid to reveal your desire.Look the woman in the eyes in a waythat communicates, “I want youtonight.”

Slow down the rate at which you speak.

As you begin to speak more slowly, addpauses … in the way … you speak …while still holding solid eye contact.Pauses in the middle … of sentencesare … especially powerful.

Introduce touching and physicality withmore frequency and intimacy.

114/415

Reduce movement and make sure anybody movement, gestures, and touchesfit with the slow, smooth, seductiverhythm.

Examples of Mr. Seducer

Ryan Phillippe as Sebastian in CruelIntentions

Johnny Depp as John in Don Juan DeMarco

Brad Pitt as Joe in Meet Joe Black

These three characters provide the generalframework for what to do when you interactwith a woman. It’s a map, if you will. Whatwe’ll do in the chapters that follow is zoomdown to “street level” and look at the nitty-gritty of how you actually navigate throughthe seduction each step of the way. We’lllearn how to master the skills of each

115/415

character, and how to tie them all together ina step-by-step way, so that when you go outand meet women, success is practicallyguaranteed.

116/415

4. The Approach

It all begins with the approach—the momentyou lay eyes on a woman you want and makeyour first steps toward her. Most guys fearthe approach. They see it as a scary situationwhere the odds of success are low and thechances of brutal rejection are all too high.And you know what? This is completely jus-tified for guys who have no game plan, notechnique, and no strategy for smoothly andconfidently getting in the door. After you’veread the pages that follow, though, you will.And for you, the approach will no longer be anumbers game.

Opening Cold vs. Opening Warm

A cold approach is when you initiate a con-versation with a girl and are unsure of the re-sponse you’ll get. She hasn’t shown prior in-terest in you and may not even have noticedyou. A warm approach is one where youthink the response will be at least somewhatpositive because you’ve already made eyecontact or received some sign of interest, likea smile, a wink, or a quick glance beforelooking away.

Obviously, if all of our approaches couldbe warm approaches, the results would be alot more successful and less stressful. Butthere are ways of having a successful ap-proach, no matter what.

Standing Out in a Positive Way

118/415

Being Mr. Sociable and talking to people oth-er than the hottest women will disarm thatsuper-hot girl you’re really after. She’ll seeyou having fun with people, and by the timeyou get near her she’ll be a lot more openand receptive to your advances. This is easierthan trying to stand out in a club by beingsuper-cool and aloof, since many other guysare trying to do the same thing.

This approach has the added benefit ofloosening you up and giving you a chance topractice your sociability skills.

Forcing Her Interest

Most guys deal with eye contact from a girlin one of three ways. Is one of these your re-sponse of choice?

Nervously look away.

119/415

Hold eye contact until she looks away.

Force a smile.

These are all pretty bad, unfortunately.Even the second one, which may strike youas the “right” answer since I’ve been urginggood eye contact, isn’t effective be-cause—barring any other response on yourpart—the held contact will feel forced to herand she’ll look away out of pure discomfort.

It’s a conundrum, for sure. And it may be adeal-breaker if you don’t know how tohandle it. If you’re wondering why a girl islooking at you, you may use the uncertaintyas an excuse not to approach. Maybe she waslooking at someone else; maybe you have aspot on your nose; maybe she was just day-dreaming. In 90 percent of cases, she is look-ing at you and would welcome your

120/415

approach, but there’s always the other 10percent, and that’s enough to discouragemost guys from approaching.

How many missed opportunities have yousuffered over the years? Potential girlfriends,girls that would have loved to sleep with you,and maybe even that special “one.” I canmake sure you never miss an opportunitylike that ever again.

Here’s what to do: force her interest!When you’ve made eye contact with the

girl, provoke a response from her by doingsomething along these lines: pointing at her;waving; raising your glass; making a funnyface; poking your tongue out. If you use thistechnique, you will be in very good company.Over the years, I’ve met many great naturalsas well as professional seduction coacheswho, independent of each other, have comeup with this technique. They all do it slightlydifferently, but the idea is the same. Carden-as, one of the most alpha naturals I’ve ever

121/415

met, who is the typical gym buff with bigmuscles, pokes his tongue out. It’s a greatcontrast to his tough-guy look. Rob, who ismy age but had slept with seven hundred wo-men by the time I’d slept with only seven,hides his face behind his hands and does achildish peek-a-boo. It sounds stupid, butthe results speak for themselves. Steve, thebest seducer I’ve ever seen, draws an imagin-ary pistol and shoots his intended “target”with it while smiling playfully. Personally, Ido my trademark “point.” I guess it looks likesomething Joey from Friends would do. Tosee a video of how I force an indication of in-terest (IOI), go to www.puatraining.com/forceioi.

The point of all these actions is that they’reso bold that the girl is compelled to respond.The number of responses she can give is lim-ited. She can:

Mirror your action.

122/415

Smile.

Smile and look away, embarrassed.

Look away in disgust.

Raise an eyebrow as if to say, “What areyou doing?”

If you get a positive reaction, you can im-mediately approach without needing to thinkof anything clever to say. If you get a negat-ive reaction, you probably won’t get a goodone if you go on and attempt to “open.” Thesecret to success is that your trademark willbecome a reflex action. It’s as if you’d stud-ied kung fu for twenty years, so you swing

123/415

into action without thinking twice whensomeone attacks you.

Believe me, it takes a lot more balls to ap-proach a beautiful woman cold than to forceher interest. So start practicing your own sig-nature moves, or be my guest and steal mytrademark point. By the way, to show justhow important this is, keep this in mind:with more than 80 percent of the women I’vetalked to in the past three years, the initialconversation has been as a result of thistechnique!

Approaching After an Indication ofInterest

If she gave you a sign of interest, it’sdoubtful that she’s not attracted, so gofor it! I usually use, “Hey, how’s it go-ing?” Longer or indirect openers (likeasking for an opinion about this or that)

124/415

will kill tension. Just be bold, be direct,and assume that she’s attracted to you.

Using Body Language to Maximize theCold Approach

There are two ways to make a cold approach.One is the cold walk-up, where you directlyapproach a girl and engage her. The secondis a more casual, seemingly spontaneous wayto open: the girl is a step or two away, andyou casually turn around, or move closer,and open. In both instances, there are stepsyou can take to create a favorable firstimpression.

What you “say” with your body can eitheradvance your cause or doom you to failure.Let’s look first at some common body lan-guage faux pas.

125/415

Weak Body Language

Most men walk up to a girl they’re interestedin and get right in her face. Do this tosomeone you know and it’s bad enough. Asksomeone to do this to you to see how it feels.It creates a reflex response of wanting to stepback and put your hands up to create dis-tance. This puts a lot of pressure on an inter-action before it has even begun. Unless thegirl is obviously interested in you, it’s a badmove. This type of face-to-face interactionalso feels like it could go on forever becauseit’s so awkward. Both people look locked in,and the only way for the interaction to end isif someone turns one hundred and eighty de-grees. In the event of a flat-out rejection,everyone around you has seen whathappened, so you’re putting even more pres-sure on yourself.

126/415

127/415

This example is bad in so many ways. It’s very locked in; thestance is statuesque; the head is the furthest part forward of thebody. A woman will feel very uncomfortable if this is your bodylanguage on a cold approach. If this is how you’re standing whenyou first open your mouth, then what you say will have to bepretty incredible to make a favorable impression!

128/415

129/415

So what does this communicate? It’s not scary or creepy, but it’svery weak. Look how an attractive man can be made to look veryunattractive with awful body language. Hands in pockets, anapproval-seeking tilt of the head, and an unsure posture all com-municate weakness. This is not the pose of a comfortable, confid-ent man.

Once you understand body language andcan read women’s reactions, you’ll see howbad at this most men are. This is the kind ofknowledge that will boost confidence, be-cause you know that you understand how todo things better than most other men.

Strong Body Language

When you’re opening, your feet should bepointing away from the girl; only your faceshould be pointing toward her. By adopting

130/415

this posture, you can comfortably get closeenough to touch, but the interaction isn’t aslocked in and you aren’t invading her per-sonal space. To “eject”—to remove yourselffrom the interaction—you’d just have to turnyour head and not face her anymore. I thinkmost people respond well to being “opened”this way, because they’ve probably alreadyhad many short, innocent interactions simil-ar to this prior to your making your move.

131/415

132/415

The low-pressure way to open is with the feet pointing away fromthe girl and only the face pointing toward her. Because this looksimpermanent, it’s very comfortable for the girl. It also seemsmore spontaneous.

133/415

134/415

Here we have a better posture; it’s open and more confident.There’s eye contact, yes; but any potential threat is lessened bythe head being in line with the body and by the use of gestures.One foot is pointing away, which makes the stance feel lesslocked in and more casual.

Using Body Language with a Seated Group

When you approach a seated group, youwant to quickly get down to the same level asthe girl you’re interested in, because it’s verydifficult to open—much less close—whenyou’re standing over someone.

135/415

136/415

You probably haven’t had this happen since grade school, butsomeone standing over you will put you on guard immediately. Ifyou approach a girl from a standing position, sit down within tenseconds. You can use a time constraint—“I need to go soon, butjust wanted to ask you …”—to avoid making her feel uncomfort-able at sitting with someone she has just met.

137/415

If there are no spare chairs, or if you need to ask her to move tomake space for you, you should start off in a position like this sothat you’re on her level. But don’t stay like this for too long or itwill become weird. Quickly ask her to move over; alternatively,

138/415

move yourself to sit on the arm of the chair or even share herchair with her.

On the other hand, if when she catchesyour eye she stands up, the aforementionedrecommendations for body language imme-diately apply.

These examples will help you perfect theindirect approach. Direct game (showing in-terest right away) obviously requires that youput more pressure on an interaction earlieron, so making the girl feel comfortable andminimizing your chances of getting rejectedaren’t so much of an issue. Direct body lan-guage is all about presenting a sexual vibe,touching quickly, and escalating sexually.

The Two Schools of Seduction

139/415

There are two very distinct schools of seduc-tion, direct or indirect, and most methodsfall into one of them. The system presentedin this book takes both into account, and Isuggest that you use them both, dependingon the circumstances.

Direct Game

Direct game involves approaching, immedi-ately conveying interest, then rapidly intensi-fying the interaction with words and kino-es-calation (a.k.a. increasingly sexualtouches—a touch on the arm, then the smallof back; then holding hands, strokingthrough her hair, kissing, etc.). An exampleof direct game is to approach a girl, tell heryou think she’s beautiful, then take her bythe hands and quickly go for the kiss. You’rebasically approaching in seduction mode(that is, as Mr. Seduction—one of the three

140/415

characters of seduction introduced in theprevious chapter). The benefit of a direct ap-proach is its efficiency. It allows you toquickly test a girl’s interest. Who wants towait hours to kiss if they don’t have to? Whowants to chat for an hour before finding outthe girl is unavailable?

The drawbacks of direct game are:

It requires a high degree of personal andsexual confidence in order to besuccessful.

It generates more approach anxiety byputting you on the line and addingpressure to the interaction.

You may be rejected from a group thatwould have been receptive to a slower,more subtle approach.

141/415

Women generally need more time towarm up to a potential partner thanguys do, and they consider the first im-pression to be less important thando men.

Indirect Game

Indirect game is basically coming in underthe radar, getting the girl comfortable withyou, and slowly introducing the sexual vibe.The benefits of an indirect approach are:

It reduces approach anxiety by minimiz-ing the chance of getting rejected.

142/415

It’s easier with a group, which may takesome time to “infiltrate.”

It involves more and longer interactions,which allow you to get comfortabletalking to women and to practice yourconversational skills.

The drawbacks of an indirect approachare:

Sometimes she wants you and you loseher because she doesn’t think you’reinterested.

You can waste time on a girl you haveno chance with (she’ll never find youattractive, she’s engaged, she’s a lesbi-an), and you don’t find out until late in

143/415

the interaction because she thinksyou’re just being friendly.

I suggest you use direct game when you’regetting a clear sign of interest. If you’re notquite sure, take the indirect route. I also sug-gest that your approaches remain indirectuntil you have a lot of experience in readingsituations and have overcome approachanxiety. If I have a client who has a huge fearof talking to women, I’ll ensure that his firstfew approaches are spent doing things likeasking for directions—which is as indirect asyou can get.

Maximizing Interactions

In a club or bar environment, if you limityourself to cold approaches you’re makingthings difficult for yourself. There are plenty

144/415

of opportunities around you at all times tohelp create easier interactions.

Picking Up on Inadvertent Cues

One of the simplest and least obtrusivethings you can do is simply take advantage ofcues and lead-ins that women give you inad-vertently. Consider these options:

A women stepping on your foot: “Hey,watch it punk!” (Square up to her witha smirk.) “Let’s take this outside; letme see what you’ve got!” (Flex yourupper arm and point for her to do like-wise—then feel her muscle.)

A women squeezing past with drinks:“Cheers!”

145/415

A women pushing past rudely: “No, mydear, do it like this.” (Demo polite wayto move past.) “Excuse me, sir.”

All these will allow you to get into interac-tions without the pressure and effort of acold approach.

Working the Room

One of the best ways to warm up cold ap-proaches is to do a little groundwork byworking the room. In the context of pickupthis involves talking to all the groups you’reinterested in, as well as some others in theroom, all the time staying very indirect. Atthe end of a short interaction, the key is toact as if you’re about to leave that particular

146/415

group and then, as if an afterthought, get thename of any girl who’s caught your interest.What you’ll be able to do in a short amountof time is:

Meet (and learn the names of) all thegirls you are attracted to.

Create a positive, safe, nonthreateningimpression in their heads—that you’renot so desperate that you have to hangaround them until they tell you to goaway.

Establish yourself as Mr. Sociable. Afteryou’ve done this, you’ll be able to re-open any of these groups at any timeduring the night. You’ll also notice abig increase in interest from girls thatyou’ve already opened. Getting the first

147/415

name (and remembering it!) is the keyfactor. I found out by chance that re-opening with the name is much moreeffective, as the girl will actually treatyou like someone she’s known for along time.

This technique is best used in smallerplaces, early on in the evening. That way, asthe night progresses and people open up,your options will continue to increase. Plusyou won’t have the problem of opening whenit gets louder and more crowded … and morecompetitive.

I used to work the room at a small club inLondon that I went to regularly. One time Iarranged to meet a friend there, but pickedup a girl on the way and brought her withme. Now I was in the difficult position of be-ing with a girl I wanted to spend time with,but also having to leave my poor friend onhis own. To resolve the dilemma, I asked her

148/415

to wait for a minute, and I went with myfriend around the whole club, said hi toeveryone, took some names, chatted forthirty seconds, made sure my buddy metthem all, and then went on to the next group.I did this to everyone in the club, and on theway back literally every girl in the place wasstaring at me. I’d warmed up the entire club,and my friend could easily reopen any of thegirls there. He used my female pal and me asa base in the club, coming back between in-teractions, but was easily able to get a lot ofnumbers because he already had huge socialproof as a fun-loving, sociable guy whoseemed to know everyone. If he forgot aname, he could come back and ask me be-cause I’d memorized them all.

Assignment #2

Go to a bar, buy a drink, and go around“cheers-ing” everyone. You will find that

149/415

people will always “cheers” you back,and afterward you will get a lot of atten-tion from girls wondering why youdidn’t try to pick them up. It’s an easyway to work the room because it re-moves the need to think of anything tosay!

Overcoming Transition and ApproachAnxiety

Most men feel a little or even a lot of anxietyas they attempt to meet and get to know wo-men. Transition anxiety and approach anxi-ety are two of the most common types.

Transition Anxiety

150/415

When doing something outside your comfortzone, you’ll naturally find it scary. Transitionanxiety is best described as the feeling youget in your stomach at any time like this.Whether it’s the thought of riding a scaryrollercoaster, jumping out of a plane to sky-dive, signing up for a course, meeting newpeople at a party, taking a test, speaking inpublic, or approaching a woman: what allthese things share in common is that theymay give us butterflies in our stomach, tovarying degrees.

This feeling holds us back; it doesn’t serveus well. Anything that we haven’t done be-fore—that puts us in an uncertain situationwe don’t feel equipped for—causes at leastsome transition anxiety. That would be fineif the feeling were saving us from gettingeaten by a lion or doing something truly haz-ardous, but generally it’s only stopping usfrom improving, learning, and changing.

151/415

Each one of us has a comfort zone withinwhich we can safely stay inside—a dailyroutine, people we know. However, remain-ing in this comfort zone makes it hard tomake big changes or improvements to yourlife. If you look back and remember all thetimes you’ve felt transition anxiety and takenaction anyway, you’ll see that each time ithas impacted your life in a positive way.Whether it was moving to a new area, chan-ging jobs, or taking a class, these were likelythings that benefited you greatly.

A man who decides to get a handle on hislife will feel transition anxiety before heclicks the sign-up button on our website.Lots of others will feel that anxiety andsimply never click the button. It’s a fact!

So what about those crazy people who al-ways try new things and never seem to feeluncomfortable? If anything, they appear towelcome uncertain new situations.

152/415

Let me assure you: it’s not just appear-ances. They really have changed that feelingin their stomach from something that holdsthem back to something that kicks them intoaction. This is what I’ve done. I used to be acomplete scaredy-cat when it came to almostanything that involved leaving my house!Now anytime I get that feeling, I know that Ishould take action and that, by the end of it,I’ll be a better person. As a result, fewer andfewer things intimidate me; in fact, I feel likeI can handle almost anything. Embracetransition anxiety, and you’ll be thanking melater. That step will affect every area of yourlife positively and will make you a betterperson.

Approach Anxiety

Approaching a woman you’re attracted to isone of the scariest things a guy can do. You

153/415

know it doesn’t make sense to be as afraid toinitiate an interaction as you would be tofight someone who’s trying to rob you. Afterall, in one situation, the worst that can hap-pen is that she says no; in the second, theworst that can happen is serious physical in-jury. Yet over 95 percent of the people I workwith have some degree of approach anxiety.Conquering it isn’t something that neurolin-guistic programming or affirmations canprovide a quick fix for. There is no easy wayto get over it. However, I can tell you themost painless way possible: in my experi-ence, thirty approaches will be enough tofree you of crippling approach anxiety. Youmight still have some with each encounter,but you’ll be opening enough groups to getalong.

First, let’s take away some of the fear (or“outcome dependency”). As long as you havea lot of approach anxiety, work on that first,before refining your overall technique. In

154/415

your first approaches, don’t “open to close”;just open and eject—in other words, practiceopening. Just go up and ask, “What’s thetime?” Thanking her and leaving is a lot easi-er than approaching with the intention ofgetting her back to your place.

The next thing you can do is use indirectopeners. These minimize the chance of rejec-tion and allow you to practice openingwithout caring whether the girl you’re chat-ting up is attracted or has a boyfriend.

Finally, it helps not to be too fussy.Practice opening and extending the interac-tion, but do it with any group. Don’t try toconquer your fear or practice pickup skillsonly with women you find super-hot. Thatwould take too long. You need to be out therepracticing, opening twenty groups a day. Youhave to be focused on practicing, not onclosing.

When I first started going out to work onmy skills, I forced myself to do as many

155/415

approaches a night as possible. I would do asmany as twenty in a few hours. It gave me abuzz to be talking to so many attractive wo-men that I’d never met before. I must havetalked to more women in just a few weeksthan I’d done in my entire life up to thatpoint! I love female energy and being in thecompany of pretty women, so I was happyjust to have these short interactions.

Doing lots of approaches at first not onlyhelps you desensitize yourself and removeapproach anxiety; it also helps you get out ofyour own head and get focused on the otherperson. When you’re thinking a lot aboutyour own body language, your voice, whatyou’re saying, what you’re going to do next,you can’t focus enough on the other personto read signals and give her what she wants.

During my first thirty or so approachesafter deciding to work on my skills with wo-men, I’d be talking to a girl, but most of myattention would be focused on what to say

156/415

next, how my body language was, whethermy voice was loud enough, whether mysweaty palms would turn her off, and I’dmiss all the little signals that she was givingme.

I remember approaching two girls in a cof-fee shop early on in my training. I saw thatthey had a Tube map—a map to the subwaysystem—and, without thinking much, I ap-proached and asked if I could look at it to seehow to get to Earl’s Court. Since they seemedfriendly enough in passing over the map, Iasked them where they were from. They wereCzech, they said, and studying English inLondon. I was laughing nervously and blush-ing as we talked, but I also felt a bit euphor-ic—I was getting a positive reaction! I didsomething I’d never done before: I talked forwhat seemed like minutes (but was probablynot more than twenty seconds) about how I’dgone to Seville and gotten the TEFLqualification.

157/415

This was the first time I’d had serious at-tention from a couple of girls focused on mefor more than a few seconds. It was a realbreakthrough, because I forged ahead. Priorto this I’d just asked questions to avoid hav-ing the attention focused on me.

I still messed up, though. When I askedwhat they were doing later, they said theyhad to meet a friend soon. Swallowing mydisappointment, I said, “Oh, okay. Bye then.”I took what they said in the worst possibleway, assuming that they were trying to hintthat they weren’t interested, and sat backdown. As they were leaving, they hungaround expectantly, but I didn’t have thecourage to reopen and ask for their number.A common mistake guys make is hitting theself-destruct button, as I did on that occa-sion: they take the tiniest negative thing asan excuse to run away. Practice helps curbthat urge to run.

158/415

“Assignments” can also get you over ap-proach anxiety. Give yourself assignmentseach time you go out. Test openers or seehow many groups you can engage, for ex-ample. Go out with a friend and push eachother into action. Find out what your motiva-tion is and when you perform well. I performwell under pressure, so it helps me to tell theguys I’ll open any group they want me to.Other people might want to dare or bet eachother. Try some different things and find outwhat will make your approach happen. Someguys do better with a wingman, so experi-ment there too. (See chapter 10 for tips onwingmen.)

Framing an Uncomfortable Situation

Some situations just feel uncomfortable. Ap-proaching a girl you’ve really got the hots for,and knowing you’ll be crushed if she rejects

159/415

you because you haven’t had sex in sixmonths, is destined to be uncomfortable. Go-ing to a club on your own probably will betoo. However, most of the discomfort fromthese situations has to do with your mentalframe. By framing a situation differently, youcan actually put yourself at ease.

I frequently do this for self-consciouspeople in my one-on-one trainings: I getthem to stand for one minute in a very busystreet and look straight ahead—no fidgeting,no shifting around, no looking down. Theyinevitably feel uncomfortable, as if everyoneis looking at them. I then tell them to repeatthe exercise, imagining that a friend of theirsis going to appear in the distance around thecorner and that they’re waiting to go havecoffee with him. They do it again and it’susually completely comfortable for them.

Similarly, being alone in a club can beframed so that you’re completely comfort-able—you’re waiting for a friend. You were

160/415

meant to meet at the entrance, but he textedto say he’s running late and will be there inan hour. Now you can be more comfortablein the club on your own, though nothing hasreally changed. It’s like method acting.

You can also apply this to approaching wo-men. Instead of having a pickup frame inyour head, try framing the situation as, “I’ma fun, sociable guy. I’m going to talk to lots ofpeople, and if I happen to have a good inter-action with a girl I find attractive, closing willbe natural.” This is a much healthier frameand also removes a lot of the approach anxi-ety, outcome dependency, and neediness.You should try to reframe any situation inwhich you feel uncomfortable.

Additional Resource

If you want to dive deep into doing beliefchange work and really “reboot” your

161/415

psychology, we have a program availablecalled “Inner Game: Installed.” Guys abso-lutely rave about the program and you canfind more about it by going to the followingURL: www.puatraining.com/innergameinstalled/.

162/415

5. The Opener

You’ve made the approach. Now it’s time toopen. The opener is quite simply the firstwords that come out of your mouth. Mostguys leave this to chance; they rely on luck orhope. Not us, though. In this chapter you willlearn what to say to women upon the ap-proach and then what to say just afterwardto transition smoothly into an interactionthat feels natural and unforced.

The First Minute

The first minute of a pickup is the mostimportant. In this time, you will haveidentified a girl, gotten into state, over-come any approach anxiety, positionedyourself, opened, and hopefullyachieved a “hook point.” Normally, bythe end of the first minute you knowhow receptive your girl is, and whetheror not you have a realistic chance ofsuccess.

The Pre-Opener: Just Say Hey

Believe it or not, all openers should startwith “Hey.” This pre-opener is an importantelement, and because it’s counterintuitive—Imean, you expect that first word to be mean-ingful, right?—it needs to be explained.

Think about it: if you deliver an opener toa woman or a group, most of the time you’ll

164/415

be interrupting something. They will likelybe in conversation already, or at least think-ing about something with a conversation go-ing on inside their head. When you starttalking, you’re breaking that state, and theirresponse will be, “What?” In fact, they’ll say,“What?” even if they heard what you said.Think about how you do this in your ownlife; be aware of your interaction next timeyou join a group.

I only learned this properly when I startedas a trainer and watched students openwithout first saying, “Hey.” The girls wouldsay, “What?” and the interaction alwaysseemed to go badly after that. It got the guysoff on the wrong foot from the beginning.

The “Hey” is followed by a pause, to en-sure that you have the attention of the groupbefore you deliver your actual opener. It’s“Hey!” (Pause as group looks at you.) “Doyou guys …” Actually, you’ve got a little lee-way here: the pre-opener can be anything

165/415

that gets the attention of the group: “Hey!”or “Yo!” or “Howdy!” or even somethingnonverbal, like a raised hand, a funny or in-quisitive facial expression, or some other ac-tion that makes the girl or group stop whatthey’re doing and look at you.

Transitioning from a Good Opener

Friends are always asking me what arethe best openers, but what they don’trealize is that the transition is actuallymore important than the opener. Themost important thing is what you followthe opener with. That’s why, until youcan freestyle on your own, you need toknow your opener and also the trans-ition before you start an interaction.

If you open with, “Hey, should I dyemy hair blond?” and the girl says, “Yes,”and you say, “Okay, thanks—bye,” youhaven’t accomplished anything. You

166/415

need to know what you’ll follow it upwith. So you can use that opener andthen your transition might be, “Cool, be-cause my hairdresser tells me every timeI go there that I’d look great with blondhair. He’s a great hairdresser and knowshis stuff, but he’s gay, so I really wasn’tsure on this one. Actually, I say he’s gaybecause I just think he is, but on theother hand he tries to talk about women.He just looks gay. Do you think you cantell when a man is gay?” If you go inwith that much prepared, you haveenough to get to the hook point in themajority of cases. If you have just theopener ready, you’ll be putting a lotmore pressure on yourself.

Personally I don’t think the opener isthat important, and I prove this withstudents by asking for the lamest openerpossible and still showing that I canhook or close.

167/415

An example would be, “My elbowhurts,” which was one given to me by aone-on-one student who thought theopener was key. I went up to a seatedpair of girls without knowing what I’dcome up with as a transition, and actu-ally used, “I was testing the theory thatyou can use anything to start a conversa-tion.” They were initially very negative,but even after this lame opener theyopened up after a minute or so; I stayedfor fifteen minutes and got one of theirnumbers.

Elements of a Successful Opener

The opener is the first real thing you say dur-ing an interaction, once you’ve taken thestage with your pre-opener. The best openers

168/415

make your audience laugh, make you lookcool, and are much more interesting thanwhatever the girls were discussing before youcame along.

There are various types of openers. An in-direct opener is one that doesn’t immediatelyconvey your interest in her and doesn’t putmuch pressure into the interaction. If yousay, “You’re hot and I want you,” that’s verydirect and puts a lot of pressure on her; ifyou say, “When does it get busy here?”there’s no pressure.

Opinion openers, a common form of indir-ect opener that we’ll talk about later, workvery well in bars and quiet clubs; time andtime again I’ve seen a guy use them to suc-cessfully hook or connect to a group. Fornow, though, let’s look at some basic indirectlines.

169/415

Indirect Openers

Here are some indirect openers and howthey might be used. Different people feelcomfortable saying different kinds of things.You can pick a few from below, modify themto fit you better, and later make up your own.You don’t need hundreds. A couple of solid,tried-and-tested openers are enough.

Are you guys talking about me?… Why not?

Humor is the approach here. The key is mak-ing certain that the first line is deadpan andthe second is delivered with a smile. Womenare attracted to the unexpected. When theyrealize that they’ve fallen into your line,they’ll laugh and become interested in you.

170/415

There’s a guy over there who is so perfect foryou!

This opener involves approaching a woman,pointing to a guy you (supposedly) think is“perfect” for her, and trying to take her overto meet him. Invariably she’ll refuse, andthen you can say how she should trust youbecause you’re a great matchmaker. Thatopener leads nicely into conversation on dat-ing and relationships. Her objection is pro-jected onto the other guy, so you’ve got lesschance of getting rejected yourself. It alsoprovides a false disqualifier, meaningsomething that hides the fact that you arehitting on her, ultimately making it easier tohook a group.

You are so … in my way.

171/415

If you’ve got a situation where you’re walkingand a girl you’re interested in blocks yourpath, put your hand up as if to gesture her tostop.

Look at her seriously and deliver the line.The key is the pause; it makes her thinkyou’re going to say, “You are so beautiful” orsome other clichéd statement. If you do itright, it guarantees a laugh. I used to use itwhen I first started, and the girls wouldlaugh but still carry on walking after-ward—so you need to quickly introduceyourself in order to extend the opening.

Are you girls sociable/friendly?

Standard opener—can be delivered with askeptical face. Be ready for a yes or no an-swer and have a follow-up ready.

172/415

Are you girls super-shy or what? I’ve beenhere for ten minutes and you haven’t offeredto buy me a drink or even said hello.

This one puts them on the spot slightly andthen releases the tension; they’ll laugh if it’sdelivered right.

Are you rich chicks?

This allows the funny follow-up, “I’m lookingfor a rich girl who can buy me stuff.” I usethis successfully, but, as with all the otherone-liners, don’t expect it to be a magic bul-let. You still need to work a bit more to reachthe hook point.

173/415

Did you invite all these people? I thought it’djust be us.

This is a semi-direct approach, but the pres-sure is softened by its humor.

I know you probably get no attention fromguys whatsoever, so I thought I’d come andmake some conversation with you.

This one should get a laugh. You’ll be on thespot after this, though, so have something tofollow it up with.

(Execute clothing primp.) What’s your name?

This one is good for a girl with a hat or someother kind of striking accessory. You look at

174/415

her, do a double-take, focus your attentionon the item, and screw your face up as ifsomething is wrong. Hold out a finger as if tosay, “Wait,” adjust the item, then study heragain and make a thumbsup. Don’t let theopener end there, though; otherwise that’llbe it. Follow it up with something like this:

You: What’s your name?

Her: Tanya.

You: Tanya, I’ve just made you 38 per-cent more attractive. You owe me!

Hey, I’m out meeting people tonight; what’syour name?

Standard, low-risk opener that fits a Mr. So-ciable frame.

175/415

Are you undressing me with your eyes?

If a girl is making eye contact with you, thisis a good opener to use. By way of variation,you can accuse girls of stalking you, checkingyou out, etc.

My girlfriend thinks you’re hot.

This line uses fake social proof, a guy with agirlfriend being higher value than a singleguy out on the prowl, to make it easier toopen. Point to some random hot girl as your“girlfriend.” Later it can be revealed thatshe’s just a female friend, and you’re in factsingle—although you’re friends with lots ofgirls.

176/415

Are you gals making mischief over here?

This is a funny one, and the delivery is im-portant: suspicion mixed with playfulnessworks well. You might add that they lookshifty, like they’re going to steal something.

My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.

This is a fairly direct opener that offsets thedirect question by asking it from a friend’spoint of view.

I know that look. Are you gals male bashing?

When you see women talking seriously, youcan open with this. Chances are they’re talk-ing about men, and so will laugh. If not,

177/415

they’ll still probably laugh because theyknow that they often are male-bashing.

How’s it going? We’re out picking up chicks.

This approach works purely because it’sfunny. If you deliver the lines right, you’ll geta laugh. It’s important to make sure theyknow that you’re joking. Otherwise this turnsinto a direct approach.

Are you listening to our conversation?…

Then why are you acting so nervous?

This is a good way to open a group that isstanding near you. You can follow up withsomething like this:

You: So what do you think?

178/415

Her: About what?

You: About what we were talking about.

Her: We weren’t listening!

You: Okay, well, we were talking aboutwhether…

From here you can segue easily into anopinion opener (again, more on those later).

Which of you gals gets hit on the most?

This is a pretty good opener for two attract-ive girls who look kind of different from eachother.

179/415

Are you confident enough to accept a sincerecompliment?… Good, so am I—you go first.

This is a classic, and it will usually makethem laugh. However, it can sometimes fallflat after they chuckle, so make sure you havesomething ready to follow up with.

Are you single? So when are you asking meout? Are you nervous?

This one works very well because it puts thegirl on the spot and gets her frustrated. Youcan then release the pressure by nudging herand laughing or saying, “Wow, you’re reallycute when you’re mad.” You want to fire thequestions in quick succession without givingher much time to think or answer fully.

180/415

If I didn’t have a girlfriend and wasn’t gay,you’d so be mine.

This is a variation on saying you’re either gayor have a girlfriend. I think this one is better,though, because most people don’t want tomislead a girl into thinking they’re gay orhave a girlfriend—and saying both suggeststhat neither is true. It’s also confusing, ofcourse—but her subconscious will get thatyou’re actually saying, “Be mine.”

Hey, sorry I’m late.

How the hell do you approach a big groupwho are waiting in the street or sitting at atable in a bar/club? In this way: talk abouthow the traffic was terrible; you’re Paul’scousin, or bob’s nephew—whatever. It’sfunny. When you get caught out, don’t dwell

181/415

on it. Ask some names and find out what’sgoing on; then proceed as normal.

You have very thoughtful eyes. I think youhave a lot going on inside here. (Touch herhead.)

This is a good direct line to use on a girl wholooks bored. Most guys go in with, “You lookbored.” That’s never going to work, but thisvariation is a nice direct compliment.

Hey, I have a policy of meeting the hottest girlin the club when I go out. My name’s Rich.(Shake hands.) So, do you know her? (Point atanother hot girl.)

Remember to deliver the first line deadpanand the second line with a big smile. She’ll

182/415

probably give you a punch to the arm. Don’tworry: this means the opener worked andshe likes you.

Opinion Openers

Opinion openers, a subcategory of indirectopeners, are the easiest way for a newbie tostart a conversation in a quiet club or bar.They’re good in that they can get a long con-versation started pretty easily. A well-craftedopinion opener can guarantee you a fewminutes of conversation in which to make aconnection.

You’ve got two delivery options: you caneither make it seem spontaneous or “root” it.A spontaneous opinion opener comes fromreacting to something your friend sup-posedly said and simply asking whoever isnearest—who just happen to be a pair of hot

183/415

chicks!—what they think. Rooting the openermeans that you tell them the reason you’reasking, so that they know why they’re spend-ing their time giving you their advice.

All of the examples below include roots,but remember that you can always go thespontaneous route if the situation calls for it.

How soon is too soon to get engaged?

Here’s how you might deliver this one: “Youlook like you can help me with something.My friend is coming in an hour and he needsmy advice. He’s known his girlfriend forthree months and he’s going to ask her tomarry him tomorrow. He says he wants myadvice, but I think he’s already made hismind up. I think it’s too soon, but if I tell himthat he might never talk to me again. On theother hand, if I say it’s a good idea and itdoesn’t work out, I’ll feel responsible. So

184/415

what do you guys think, how soon is too soonto get engaged?”

This is a fantastic opener that leadsstraight into relationship talk and has a lot ofdrama built in. It should hook very well.

What kind of present should I get for myfriend’s girlfriend?

“Hey, I need your advice on something. Mybest friend had to rush away on busi-ness—he’s got the biggest business deal ofhis life going—and he’s asked me a massivefavor. He’s given me two hundred dollarsand asked me to get a present for his girl-friend. He’s done so much for me over theyears, so I said I’d take care of it. I reallywant to get it right. I’ve been giving it somethought, but I’m pretty stuck. Do you haveany ideas?”

185/415

This is a great one for daytime, in mallsand stores, but it can also be used at night.It’s very flexible and also very engaging be-cause it hits a great topic—shopping andgifts!

How should my friend deal with his jealousgirlfriend?

Picture this conversation:

You: Hey, guys, let me get your opinionon something. I’m trying to give myfriend over there advice, but we’re just abunch of guys and don’t feel qualified tocomment on these matters. Okay, well,my friend has been dating a girl forthree months, and she just moved inwith him. Now, this is a two-part ques-tion. Here’s the first part. So, imagineyou’ve been dating someone for threemonths and he’s still friends with his old

186/415

girlfriend from college. How do you feelabout that?

Girls: That depends. Are they justfriends?

You: Yes, they’re just friends. There’snothing else going on. They talk likeonce a week at most.

Girls: I think it’s fine./I don’t thinkthey should be talking. / Whatever.

You: Okay, now let’s say that he has adrawer in his apartment. And in thatdrawer he keeps all of his old photo-graphs and letters. Now, some of thoseletters happen to be from exes and someof the photographs happen to be withexes.

Girls: Blah, blah, blah—concernedcomment—blah, blah, blah—question.

187/415

You: It’s not like he ever looks at them.They’re just there, like old souvenirs andmemories of his past.

Girls: I think it’s fine. / I think heshould destroy them. / Whatever.

What do you think of piercings?

I deliver this one as follows: “Hey, gals, whatdo you think of piercings? My ex-girlfriendwas a bit of a rocker chick, and she alwaysused to say, ‘You should get a piercing here.’(Pinch eyebrow to show where it would go.)I’m not going out with her anymore, but I’mstill kind of considering it. Do you think pier-cings are sexy?”

188/415

This one goes into various areas of maleattractiveness and exactly what women con-sider attractive in a man.

Do I look gay?

This one is a killer. It never seems to fail. Theroot could be that a guy just tried to pick youup, or your friend said you look gay in thoseshoes/that shirt, or you were at the bar(doesn’t even have to be that night) and yougot hit on by a guy. They’ll laugh, and it justworks like a charm.

Do you think David Blaine and Chriss Angelare sexy?

The follow-up (planting the root) is to saythat you’ve been studying magic/psychic

189/415

stuff/ESP or whatever, and that youwondered whether it was these guys’ looks ortheir abilities that made them sexy to somewomen. It leads into any skill you profess tohave, or any routine you can perform, inthese areas.

Do you believe in palm reading/handwritinganalysis?

Follow with, “Me too,” or “I didn’t either, butthen …” and go into a story about a relativewho does it for a living and showed you somestuff. “I was skeptical, but I brought myfriend along and they got everything right.I’m not entirely sold, but I’ve been learning ita bit and want to see if it’s a way to get toknow people better, more quickly.” This is anice way to open and lead into one of theseareas in a smooth way.

190/415

Some opinion openers have more “walk-up strength” than others. If you have threegirls sitting in the corner and need to go tothem to make an approach, it’d seem strangeto go out of your way only to ask if they thinkyou look gay. That question, morespontaneous-seeming, lends itself tosomeone right nearby. However, using “Howsoon is too soon …?” would work very well inthat circumstance. Generally, you need amore serious opener for a walk-up.

Is it lying to use these openers? I certainlydon’t see it that way. First, if you havesomething from your life that would work asa real opinion opener, then feel free to use it;it’ll work well as long as it follows the formatof the above. My feeling on using these open-ers is that it’s okay to have an “excuse” totalk to women—and I’ve met so many amaz-ing women from doing just that. We don’thave many real reasons to talk to women. Weknow what time the club closes, which bars

191/415

are good, and what time it is, so why not usean excuse to talk to them that’s likely to leadto a good, genuine conversation?

Direct Openers

It took a while before I had the confidence todeliver a direct opener. You have to believein what you say and put yourself on the line.You have to have complete authority. Ifthere’s even a hint of weakness and the girlpicks up on it, the opener will fall flat. Whenyou have confidence from your success withother openers, or if you’re confident becauseyou can tell the girl is attracted to you, bringout the direct opener and it’ll be fantastic.You will receive super-fast results and wo-men will think you’re incredible because ofyour boldness. With a direct opener, if shedoesn’t respond negatively, take the directroute and escalate quickly.

192/415

Here are some examples:

I saw you and just had to come and tellyou that you have the most amazingsmile/energy/legs/fashion sense.

I know this is kind of random, but I hadto tell you that you’re just too cute.

Do you know who you remind me of?Someone I want to meet.

I saw you and I knew that if I didn’tcome and introduce myself, I’d bekicking myself all day.

I like you, and I’m going to get to knowyou.

193/415

Situational Openers

Situational openers are what I mainly usenow, after years of trial and error. When youfind yourself spontaneously using situationalopeners, you know you have them down.This means you’re well on the path to be-coming a true natural.

A situational opener involves takingsomething about the current situation andusing that to start the interaction. It could benoticing something about the woman you’reapproaching; it could be a Seinfeld-esque“What’s the deal with that guy?” Usually it’snoticing something about the environmentand posing the first question that comes tomind: “How can they eat ice cream in thewinter?” “Would you wear that?”

In looking back on an evening, I knowwhen I used a situational opener becausewhen I try to remember which opener I used,

194/415

I can’t. It’s so natural and unconscious anduncalculated that it slips my mind. The wayto become comfortable being as natural aspossible is to get used to saying whatevercomes into your head, without delay orplanning.

Assignment #3

Write down three openers you like; then goout and open ten new interactions. Yourgoal is just to open and stay as long in theconversation as you’re comfortable, makean excuse to leave, get the woman’s name,and eject. This is to help you get comfort-able with opening sets. You will notice that,as you become more comfortable, the inter-actions will last longer and longer.

To see hundreds more openers, go towww.puatraining.com/openers.

195/415

6. The Mid Game

From Opener to HookPoint to Rapport

You now know how to approach. You canstart a conversation with a woman and getinto a conversation. Now what? What do yousay? How do you prevent those dreaded awk-ward silences? The answer lies in a simpleset of conversational skills and comfort-building techniques that can be easilymastered so that you can move your

interactions from the opener to the close. Icall these the “skills of the natural.”

Any close—whether it’s a number close(where all you do is get a girl’s phone num-ber), a kiss close, or a sex close—requires acertain degree of good rapport and connec-tion. With the skills of the natural, you canlearn how to easily achieve rapport with awide variety of women. For anyone whowants to become a natural with women andfeel like he’s always had that innate ability,this is the chapter to pay special attention to.

I used to be a terrible conversationalist. Iwas boring on dates, useless in groups, a ter-rible public speaker, and unable to holdpeople’s attention. Now I game like a natur-al. This means that I’m able to break downexactly what’s necessary to be a naturallygood conversationalist and to generate at-traction. What’s more, I can give you exer-cises to practice this skill on your own.

197/415

During the first minute of an interaction,you need to do most of the talking. Anythingthat puts the conversational pressure on thegirl you’re interested in is something that shecould use as an excuse to end the interaction.When she is comfortable and committed tothe interaction (which could be instantly, butgenerally takes longer from a cold approach),you can start putting some of the conversa-tional burden on her.

The Art of Small Talk

Women are sick of boring conversations withmen. They’ve had the same ones over andover and over. If you can be different, you’llstand out hugely and quickly generate attrac-tion. But first, what shouldn’t you do if you’rea good conversationalist?

198/415

Avoid These Common Mistakes

I’m willing to bet that a lot of these mistakeswill sound familiar to you. We’ve all madethem!

Interviewing her

Many women are approached and immedi-ately put on the spot to answer a series ofquestions. The man’s only response to heranswers is usually, “Oh really, so …” Thisquickly gets boring, and any woman whoputs up with this for long must either bereally attracted to you or be very, very polite(or desperate).

Don’t ask a series of questions. Ask oneand connect on that point; then ask another.For advanced-level skills, try to elicit the an-swer without asking the boring

199/415

question—make an assumption or guessabout what she does, where she’s from, orwhat food she likes. You get the same in-formation, but it’s more interesting for her.

Hairdresser Conversation

What kind of conversation do you have witha hairdresser, a person in line at the post of-fice, or the aunt you see once every sixmonths? It’s probably boring and shallow. Asin, you have the conversation but aren’treally listening and don’t really care, and it’sentirely unmemorable. Likewise, when youmeet someone totally new they typically saythings like, “What do you do?” “Where areyou from?” “Do you like films?” Blah, blah,blah.

We all hate answering these questions overand over, yet we ask them of others! For at-tractive women who get approached regu-larly, it’s even more of a turn-off.

200/415

Stating the obvious

If a girl has pretty eyes, she’s probably beentold that five thousand times. Findsomething more specific to say to her,preferably not about her appearance. Ordon’t compliment her at all. It’s fine to givean obvious compliment with feeling whenyou’re already together, but in the earlystages it’s not what she wants.

The above methods of eliciting informa-tion may either put conversational pressureon the girl or else they’re boring. Here’s whatyou should be doing instead. The followingare some ways to elicit the standard informa-tion without asking boring questions:

201/415

Ask Leading Questions

Instead of asking, “Where are you from?”say, “Are you Swedish?” Make some kind ofpersonal guess that shows you’re paying at-tention to her.

Make Assumptions and Funny Guesses

Instead of asking what she’s doing, say,“Okay, so you’re waiting to meet Steve. He’sa guy you met on the Internet, and you’ve noidea what he looks like, but he’s going to bewearing a red shirt.” She’ll laugh and thentell you what she’s actually doing—or evenbetter, she’ll play along with it and you’llhave a fun moment. Make up a silly scenario:What’s she going to do with her friend? Whyis she in your town?

202/415

Another example (depending on whetheryou’re at a bar or a Starbucks) would be: “Letme guess—so you’ve been shopping all day,bought loads of stuff, and now your feet arekilling you, so you’re going for a coffee orbeer together.” This kind of thing also getsyou in the habit of focusing on women, mak-ing observations and cold reads. Over time,this skill develops and you can usually guesscorrectly!

Connect via Conversational Links

A “link” is a transition point given to you byyour conversational partner that you can useto extend the interaction without starting anew, unrelated topic. Every time a womanopens her mouth, she’s giving you a link. Itmight be her accent, the words she uses, orthe information she gives you. If she tells youshe’s Brazilian and studying English in the

203/415

States for three weeks, you have three linksthat you can feed off (Brazil, studying Eng-lish, here for three weeks). Once you’ve es-tablished a connection by responding to alink in the conversational chain, you canthen ask another question or elicit anotherlink.

Your goal with each link should be to con-nect in a positive way, enhancing the likeli-hood of rapport. The best way to do this is totalk positively about her. Less effective waysare to relate the point to your own experi-ence, to be clichéd, or to be negative. Let’slook at the three levels of evolution in thisarea:

1. Conducting a high-pressure interview

You: What do you do?

Her: I’m an artist.

204/415

You: Cool, so … where are you from?

Her: Switzerland.

You: That’s nice. What do you do inyour spare time?

Her: I like going to movies.

Put yourself in the girl’s position here.She’s constantly under pressure; the spot-light is always on her and she’s being askedto contribute a lot of information while get-ting nothing in return. Regardless of her an-swer, you move straight on to the next ques-tion. This is because you’re already thinkingabout the next question as she answers, in-stead of trying to use what she gives you in aunique way depending on her response. Un-fortunately, this is how most guys try to con-nect with girls.

205/415

2. Self-obsessed relating

You: What do you do?

Her: I’m an artist.

You: Cool, my brother is an artist; hemakes these sculptures out of tin foil.He made one the other day of a fishthat’s really cool. So… Where are youfrom?

Her: Switzerland.

You: Oh great! I have a Swiss watchand I like Swiss chocolates. My friendwent to Switzerland on holiday, said itwas great. What do you do in your sparetime?

Her: I like going to the movies.

206/415

You: I love watching films too. I sawthat new one with Johnny Depp; thatwas cool. I want to watch that other newone coming out next week, forgot thename…

What’s going on here is that you’re usingthe link, taking the pressure off the girl; soit’s better than the interview. However,you’re not making a connection; in fact,you’re putting up a barrier. You’re saying, ineffect, “Anything you say I will relate to myreality, and I won’t try to understand yours.”When someone is talking about himself, it’sless interesting than when he’s talking aboutyou. In this kind of conversation, the girlwon’t want to give more to the interactionbecause you haven’t shown empathy orunderstanding.

To get faster rapport and connection, youneed to learn to have conversations like this:

207/415

3. Taking things deeper

You: What do you do?

Her: I’m an artist.

You: Interesting! I like that: I imagineyou must see the world in a differentway than most people; you must be ableto appreciate beauty in more things.Where are you from?

Her: Switzerland.

You: You don’t look like it, but I’veheard that people from Switzerland arequite conventional and really stick torules and things. You look more like abit of a rebel—just look at that hairstyle!What’s a hobby of yours?

Her: I like watching movies.

208/415

You: I guess that, being a creative per-son, you must enjoy seeing otherpeople’s creativity. But when you look atart, perhaps you always see the technicalaspects as well, so it must be nice to goto a movie and just enjoy the experience.

The above dialogue uses snippets from areal conversation, but in the actual conversa-tion I didn’t jump around the topics in thatway, because I was talking with and about anactual person. Because I was making an at-tempt both to understand her and to getthings right, she opened up easily, jumpingin and expanding things, and the conversa-tion got deep very quickly.

This final example, showing how even rel-atively boring questions can be used effect-ively, reveals that learning to relate to a wo-man’s reality is a very powerful technique.

209/415

Dance-Floor Game

Can you pick up girls on the dance floor? Ifyou can’t, you’re limiting yourself severely.There are tons of girls who love dancing thatyou won’t be able to approach. My philo-sophy, back when I was first learning, wasthat I wanted to be able to pick up a girl Iwas attracted to at any time, in any place,and in any situation. As someone with twoleft feet, I felt uncomfortable in clubs andwas very self-conscious; dance-floor gamedidn’t come easy. Now I can dance a littlebit—at least I’m on the beat—but the mainthing is that I’m not self-conscious and Ihave fun dancing. Yes, I actually enjoy it!

There are a few ways to pick up a girl onthe dance floor. It will always be more of anumbers game because it’s non-verbally dir-ect, but with a bit of practice you can up yourodds.

210/415

Dance-Floor Tips

The first thing you need to do is differentiateyourself from the other guys on the dancefloor. They’re doing a couple of things thatyou should not do.

Do Not Do This

Stand around the girls, checking themout while not dancing yourself.

Make a sad attempt to dance without be-ing into the music, just trying to getnear the girls.

Grind on a girl’s ass.

211/415

Do This

Have fun dancing around, without tryingto get near the women. Enjoy yourself;enjoy the music. When you’re a manhaving fun on the dance floor, you’llimmediately stand out from all the oth-er men. The women will move awayfrom all the other guys (who are drool-ing over them, or trying to grind onthem) and gather around you.

You can then mirror a particular girl’sdancing in an exaggeratedly funnyway, get eye contact, and force interest.Initiate a “dance-off” with the girlwhere you gesture to her to watch your

212/415

moves; then bust a silly little move andpoint at her expectantly.

On the edge of the dance floor with girlswho aren’t quite dancing, you can say,“Do you like dancing?” If they say yes,say, “Do you salsa?”—and, as you sayit, take them and start salsaing.

Tip: You need only about four salsa les-sons to be able to do the basic steps,which are all you’ll require. Trust me,you can quickly kino-escalate from thesalsa opener. It works pretty much eachand every time.

Structure of a Dance-Floor Seduction

213/415

The tips above illustrate a few common mis-takes men make on the dance floor. In addi-tion, sometimes men attempt to communic-ate too verbally, which doesn’t work becauseof the sound level. Other times they end upsimply dancing opposite their partner anddon’t escalate from there, so she walks off.

Here is the process for a dance-floor escal-ation, from seeing a girl you like to kissingher:

1. Open nonverbally (hip bump/eyecontact/gesture/other nonverbalacknowledgment).

2. Dance opposite each other for twentyseconds or so, maintaining eye con-tact at least 90 percent of the time.

3. Step in closer, introduce yourself,and have a very brief verbal exchange

214/415

(twenty seconds max). This will tellher that you’re now in an interaction;now she won’t just leave, because sheknows you’re interested and confid-ent enough to talk to her.

4. Dance opposite her again and, after ashort time, offer your hands; contin-ue dancing, holding her hands in apush-pull fashion, introducing spinsif you feel comfortable with them.Maintain eye contact.

Now we have some progress, but to get tothe kiss close we need to slow things down.Clubs don’t generally play music that has aseductive rhythm; their tempo is much toofast. That doesn’t need to stop you. You’releading the dance at a certain speed, so youcan gradually slow it down and get a littlecloser, while maintaining complete eyecontact.

215/415

To escalate from this position to the kiss iseasy, since 90 percent of the work is alreadydone. It requires only a step or two more.You can try running your fingers through herhair, or kissing her on the cheek and thenmoving onto the lips. Alternatively, if youcan see that she’s ready, just go directly forthe kiss.

Attraction Building

Whether you make contact on the dancefloor or use your new small-talk skills to chatup a woman at the bar, at some point she’sgoing to want to contribute to the conversa-tion. When she starts to ask you questions,you want to be ready. Here’s how to keepthings moving in the direction you want, nomatter how good her questions:

216/415

Have Interesting Answers to StandardQuestions

There are certain questions and conversa-tional paths that occur again and again foreach person. Think about what yours are andmake your input more interesting. If a con-versation gets boring because the girl startsasking boring questions, she won’t realize it’sher fault—she’ll just know she’s bored! Theobvious one is, “What do you do?” Eithermake your job interesting or describe it withpassion; if it’s undeniably dull, be brief andswitch to something more interesting, like ahobby—“But anyway, that’s work; what Ireally like to do is ….”

Avoid These Topics

217/415

Religion

Contentious political issues

Violence

Bad past relationships

Anything negative

Talk with Passion

If you can talk with passion about things youcare about, your energy draws people in. Ifyou enjoy something, let it show: be express-ive, using visual and emotive language.People will get caught up in it and start to

218/415

feel good too. When they feel good, they’llwant to talk to you more.

A Midgame Case Study

Let’s put it all together with an example ofthe natural and situational opener. The fol-lowing interaction was a real demonstrationfor a student. I recorded it on MP3, and thetranscript runs below. There are many tech-niques used that you can continue to refer to;you’ll see more each time you look.

A girl stands alone in Leicester Square, London,with arms crossed, looking pretty unfriendly.

Me: Hi! You’re crossing your arms and Istudy body language, so I could saythat’s because you’re closed or in a badmood; but I was noticing a lot of people

219/415

standing like this recently, and eitherpeople are more closed at this time ofyear or more people are cold! (Laughs.)So are you in a bad mood or are you justcold?

Girl: I’m cold.

I’m bantering without putting conver-sational pressure on her. This is neces-sary because I have no indication of in-terest and she looks unapproachable.

Me: See, people take this body languagestuff too seriously. They need to putmore disclaimers in these books. Peoplecrossing their arms are closed, unlessthey also might be cold. People strokingtheir hair are attracted to you, unlesstheir hair is in their face and they can’tsee anything. (Laughs.) You look likeyou’re waiting for someone?

220/415

Girl: Yeah, I’m waiting for my friend.

At this point I don’t immediately askanother question, like “Who?” or “Whattime were they meant to be here?” or“What are you going to do together?”This would be natural, but not very in-teresting. She has given me another linkthat I can feed off, so I should use it.Her body language is opening up, andshe’s receptive to the interaction.

Me: I hate waiting for people here. Youcan’t call them because they’re on thesubway, and there are so many peoplehere you keep thinking, “Is that them? Isthat them?” The time goes way slowerthan when you’re waiting somewhereless hectic. So let me guess, it’s your oldschool friend and you’re meeting for theten-year reunion dinner?

221/415

Girl: (Laughs.) Well, it’s my friendfrom college, but we’re going for a cof-fee. What’s your name?

This is a big sign of interest. She’s ask-ing a question of me. It isn’t related tothe topic and it’s personal, which meansshe wants to know more about me andextend the interaction.

Me: Richard, and you?

Girl: I’m Anna.

Both: Nice to meet you. (Shake hands.)

Me: Wow, your hands are cold. (Takesother hand too, and squeezes them both.I’ve quickly done a quite intimate thingthat jumpstarts a sexual frame.)

Me: So is your friend cute?

Girl: (Laughs.) She is, actually.

222/415

Me: Cool. So we can all go to coffee to-gether, but we can’t stay long; we needto be somewhere. Tell her I’m yourfiancé, that we met last week—it was awhirlwind romance—and that we flew toVegas, got married by Elvis, and cameback yesterday. (Both laugh.)

Assignment #4

Practice your new conversational skills onyour social circle. See if you can make thewomen feel good and get a deeper level ofconnection than you normally do. You’ll no-tice that you get a much better reaction frompeople and can even use these skills at work.

Push-Pull

223/415

The technique I call “push-pull” involvesmixing up an interaction. The push part iswhen you get closer to her and become morefriendly and intimate and complimentary.The pull part is when you move away, breakthe connection, and seem a little disinter-ested or distracted.

Push-pull is great because it accomplishesa couple of things:

It establishes you as high status—otherguys wouldn’t dare do this!

It gives her an emotional rollercoasterride, a necessary ingredient for a greatpickup. (Push-pull works especiallywell on sassy girls—the tougher andmore confident and testier the better. Itcan fall flat on the sweet, innocenttype, so don’t use it on every girl youmeet.)

224/415

Here are some examples of lines you canuse for this effect:

“You’re like my bratty little sister.”

“Do you have hot friends?”

“Would you like me to buy you adrink?”

“You’re too young/old for me.”

“Wow, you ask loads of questions. Doyou want my résumé?”

225/415

“You’re a nice girl with bad-girlmannerisms.”

“You’re a bad girl with nice-girlmannerisms.”

“Normally I’d be really attracted to you,but I think you’re just acting cool soI’ll buy you a drink.”

“Your first impression kind of sucked,but actually you’re …”

“You’re the coolest girl I’ve talked to …in the last fifteen minutes!”

“You’re cool … you can help me pickup chicks.”

226/415

The Hook Point and Indicators ofInterest

The hook point is that moment when a girlshows interest in extending the interaction.She’s clearly happy for you to stick aroundand talk more. You can tell you’ve reachedthe hook point when:

She asks you questions.

She asks your name.

She gives extended answers to yourquestions.

227/415

Her body language becomes more open.

Once you’ve reached the hook point, youshould look for indicators of sexual interest.You’ll know she’s sexually interested when:

She strokes her neck when in conversa-tion with you.

She looks at your mouth.

She tilts her head to the side whenspeaking to you.

Her pupils dilate.

She laughs too much at your jokes, evenwhen they aren’t funny.

228/415

She seems happy listening to you, evenwhen you’re talking rubbish.

She holds eye contact with you anddoesn’t look around the room or at herfriends.

Note: if she’s nervous, or if it’s just notin her character to hold strong eye con-tact, she could still be interested.

She’s comfortable with your touchingher and invading her space.

She shows willingness to leave herfriends and stay with you.

229/415

She laughs and hits you on the shoulderwhen you tease her.

She looks at you in a dreamy kind ofway.

She asks if you’re single.

She’s comfortable with pauses in theconversation.

She uses your name in conversation.

She leans into you.

230/415

The Rapport Phase: Strengthening theConnection

In talking about the skills of the naturalearlier in this chapter, I wrote about how tomake connections with a woman. This con-tinues now in the rapport phase. The differ-ence is that the goal has become finding areason to see her again and discovering mu-tual interests.

Here are some tips to help you build rap-port with a woman you’ve connected with:

Be Observant

Notice things about her appearance (clothes,accessories, hair, nails, jewelry). Womenusually put a lot of time and effort into theway they look; her bag, for example, mighthave been chosen to match her shoes, belt,

231/415

earrings, and dress. Most people don’t noticesuch things, so she’ll be happy if you do.

Furthermore, jewelry and accessories alsooften have a story behind them, which meansthey may mean something special to the girl.If you ask about that beautiful old cameoshe’s wearing, she may associate you withthe warm feelings she has for the grand-mother who gave it to her.

Talk About Things That Evoke Passion andFeeling

What is she very passionate about? It mightbe anything from friends and family to travelor ballet. Connect on these points by show-ing that you understand why she feels thatway.

I’ve told you to avoid asking the usual bor-ing questions. So what kind of things wouldit be okay to ask? The best questions build

232/415

comfort and create a connection that elicitsemotion. Here are some good examples:

Do you remember your first day at school?

This is something that she probably won’thave talked about for a long time, but it hasstrong emotions attached to it. To ask aquestion like this, you can’t just say, “Whereare you from? What do you do? Do you re-member your first day at school?” You needto root the question first, leading into itsmoothly. You could do this by saying, “Youknow, I was walking down the street thismorning and I passed a bakery and smelledfreshly baked apple pie. It immediately tookme back to when I was six years old, and Ispent the next thirty minutes walking aroundlike a kid with a silly expression on my facebecause I was remembering my childhood so

233/415

vividly. What about you, do you rememberyour first day at school?”

After she has given her response, youshould connect on it. You could say, “I canjust imagine you with your My Little Ponylunch box, skipping to school.” Next, youshould relate your own story.

If you can connect like this on a few emo-tional topics, then you’ve built a deep con-nection in a short amount of time. You’llalready have talked about stuff that’s notnormally talked about until you’ve dated agirl for three months or so.

If you could wake up tomorrow anywhere in the world, wherewould it be?

This is another good question, and it re-places boring questions such as, “Do you liketravel?” and “Did you go on vacation thisyear?” This one doesn’t need so much

234/415

rooting; it could simply be, “I need a vaca-tion—let me ask you, if you could wake upanywhere in the world tomorrow, wherewould it be?” Connect on her answer—“Yeah,lying on the beach, with the sun beatingdown, the sound of the ocean …”—then re-late your own dream vacation in vivid detail.

Are your friends mostly men or women?

This gets her talking about people she caresabout, and her response will tell yousomething about her character. The questionis an unthreatening one with no right an-swer, so she’ll feel comfortable respondingopenly.

What’s the one thing you can’t say no to?

235/415

This is a good way to find out something shereally enjoys. It could be chocolate—perhapsfresh orange juice. Whatever it is, it shouldmake her eyes light up. You can then connectby describing how good it is to eat thatchocolate, how it feels when you put it inyour mouth and taste it as it melts. Do thisand watch how you can lead her into a desir-ing state.

What talents do you have that would surprise me?

This is a great question and a challenge.Early on in an interaction, she won’t feel anyneed to answer challenging questions. By therapport phase, though, she’ll feel some pres-sure to respond to a question like this toprove herself to you. Remember that she’slikely to ask the same back to you, so havesomething ready.

236/415

Have you ever been in love?

Ask this, and then dig a bit deeper about thetimes she has been in love. Don’t ask whathappened—this would focus on the breakup!Make her want those feelings again; sinceshe’s with a cool guy, she’ll probably be ima-gining them with you. This is a great one fora couple of reasons: first, it brings out theemotions and memories connected withlove; second, it starts her imagining a rela-tionship with you.

When you’ve done this, you’ll already havea deep connection with the girl. On numer-ous occasions, girls have told me that afterjust a few hours they feel like they’ve knownme for months. The reasons are:

I’m completely comfortable, open, andrelaxed with the woman.

237/415

I’m making her as comfortable as shenormally feels after three months.

She’s feeling things that she would nor-mally only feel within a committedrelationship.

She’s talking about things she wouldonly normally talk about with veryclose friends, family, or a long-termboyfriend.

Build Attraction by Breaking Rapport

Breaking rapport is one of the most powerfulthings you can do to build attraction. Whenyou add it to your game, you’ll see a dramaticimprovement.

238/415

Breaking rapport involves disagreeing withthe woman you’re trying to seduce on a par-ticular point, or expressing a contrary view.To exemplify its importance, imagine being ahot woman for a moment. You are being ap-proached by a string of smiling, noddingmen, and you feel as if you can’t do or sayanything wrong. You could say you love cats,and they’d say they love cats; you could sayyou like torturing cats, and they’d say,“Cool.” Okay, maybe that’s going too far, butwe all know that the natural thing to dowhen with a beautiful woman is to go into“me too” mode, where you agree with her oneverything and try desperately to connect.You assume that similarities will bring youcloser. This might generally be true, but the“me too” approach is what 99 percent of mendo, and you’ve probably realized from read-ing this book that it’s what 99 percent of mendon’t do that brings you success.

239/415

Imagine being that beautiful woman again.Men will agree with you on everything andthink everything you do is just great. Youknow there are things they shouldn’t likeabout you, but they don’t express those dis-likes. This means you won’t fully trust them:you’ll think they’re after one thing only, andso their compliments won’t be worth asmuch.

The answer to this is to break rapport—butyou mustn’t do it on big things that have anemotional connection for her. Don’t call herpassion for painting lame, but you can breakrapport on casual interests like Harry Potterbooks, independent films, etc. When you saythat something she likes sucks, it makes ittwice as powerful when you later say that youappreciate something about her.

If you say, “Oh, I love Harry Potter too,”“Oh yes, I love musicals,” and then say, “Ihave a good feeling about you; we shouldmeet again,” you come off as fake. Better to

240/415

say, “Harry Potter—I couldn’t even gethalfway through the first book,” “I caughtThe Lion King but wouldn’t see another mu-sical anytime soon,” and then, “I love yourlaugh.” The compliment has a much strongereffect in this latter case, because you’veshown that you say what you mean andmean what you say.

You don’t want to break rapport too early,though. Do it after the hook point, and justenough to show that she can do somethingwrong and lose you. The point is not to lowerher self-esteem or make her feel stupid; it’sjust to show that you can disagree and thatyou have your own views and opinions. Ifyou do break rapport, the best thing to do isquickly change the subject, to avoid turningyour conversation into an argument.

Don’t be afraid to tell the truth: it actuallyincreases trust and connection as well as di-aling up attraction. Trust and honesty arekeys to gaining people’s respect. Breaking

241/415

rapport is a way to be honest without hurtingpeople’s feelings. If you notice yourself “me-tooing” and not getting as much attraction asyou’d like after the hook point, try breakingrapport combined with genuine compli-ments—and also try challenges.

Issue Challenges

Challenges are ways to establish that you’re“the selector” (a.k.a. the high-value person inthe interaction). You chose her, not the otherway around. Most guys will passively letthemselves be selected, so if you can chal-lenge a woman, it’ll be uniquely attractive.You need to have earned some value,however, before she’ll respond and try tomeet your challenges.

Some examples of challenges you can issueare:

242/415

“If everyone looked the same, howwould you stand out?”

“Can you cook?”

“Are you rich?”

“Beauty is common, so what do youhave to make me more and more attrac-ted as I get to know you?”

“There are three things I look for in awoman. The first is (insert qual-ity—e.g., confidence), the second is(passion), and the third is … no, I’mnot telling you. (She will almost cer-tainly follow up with a question: “Whynot?”)… You might fake it.”

243/415

The above examples communicate thatyou’re picky and won’t date just anygirl—looks are not enough. This makes youmore attractive because you’re telling her, ina way that comes across subconsciously, thatyou’re high-value. This is the outer-gameway to challenge a girl. It’s a tricky business,though: if the thoughts in your mind areabout how much you want her and howyou’d do anything for her, there will be con-flict between your nonverbal and verbalcommunication.

Women are sensitive and will pick up onthings subconsciously; they might not men-tion them or even consciously know thatthey’ve noticed, but they’ll be affected posit-ively by friendly challenging. You can startwith artificial challenges such as the ones lis-ted above, but you should aim very quickly touse natural challenges—things that grow outof the conversation.

244/415

Natural, genuine challenges do far morethan simply establish you as a high-valueman: they draw out a woman’s character andpreferences. Before I started using chal-lenges, I got into a few relationships thatwere just plain wrong for me. One of the veryfirst girls that I dated was totally unsuited forme. At first things seemed perfect because Iwas so happy to be in a relationship with apretty girl (well, with any girl). We had ro-mantic picnics in the park, she stayed over atmy house many times, and I stayed at hers.She introduced me to her friends and I didthe same. On the surface, and in my mind,things were great. But after three weeks, shebecame difficult to get ahold of on the phoneand sent me an email saying that she thoughtwe should just be friends. She dumped me!

We were very different: she smoked cigar-ettes and weed and I didn’t; she liked differ-ent food, enjoyed different music, and had adifferent outlook on life. Instead of being

245/415

solid in my own reality, I showed her that Iwould change for her. I downloaded the mu-sic she liked to my MP3 player, and even saidI’d smoke weed with her. I called her everyday, and this became a problem. I was al-ways available. She dumped me after threeweeks because I liked her more than sheliked me; I looked at her like I loved her, andshe felt stifled.

The funny thing was that, a few monthsafter she dumped me, I found a recording onmy MP3 player; it was the last conversationwe had on the last day that I saw her. Myplayer must have accidentally switched onand been recording in my pocket. I couldbarely listen to it—not because it broughtback sad memories, but because of howweak, needy, and unattractive I sounded. Iwas seeking approval, validation, letting hertake charge, asking her to “please staylonger,” asking when we could meet again. Itwas sickening. I was breaking all the rules I’d

246/415

learned and knew very well. I was doingwhat so many men do. Women become soimportant to us that this is how we act whenwe finally get one. The knowledge I’d learnedwasn’t enough to stop me from making themistakes men have been making forcenturies.

Your Mission

Get a pen and describe on paper your idealwoman. What character attributes does shehave? Does she smoke? Does she keep fit? Isshe a leader or follower? Is she kind and gen-erous? Can she dance? Can she sing? Is shesharp? Is she educated? Does she read po-etry or celebrity gossip? Does she like Disneyfilms or action flicks? Does she like sushi? Isshe well traveled?

Once you have your list, when you go outto meet women some interesting changeswill take place:

247/415

First off, you won’t be as intimidated by agirl’s looks, because you’ll be looking forsomething more—for particular traits andskills. If you can work questions that addressthe attributes of your ideal women into aninteraction, you’ll flip the dynamic. Yourconversational partner will have to startqualifying herself to you. You’re positioningyourself as the selector and seeing if shematches up to your requirements. Ninety-nine percent of men don’t do this, and you’llsee how women start chasing you if you do.

Second, this technique will help you avoidbad relationships—the kind that are doomedto fail from the start, but that you force towork for a while because you really want agirlfriend or because this particular girl isreally cute. When you understand what youreally want, you’ll know very quickly wheth-er a woman is girlfriend material, a coolchick you can party with, or a girl you might

248/415

have a sexual relationship with but nothingmore.

After she dumped me I was crushed fortwo weeks. I thought that every time I was inlove with a girl, she’d dump me. But then Idecided to take action: I sat down andfigured out what I needed to do to not havethis happen again. I never did make thesame mistake; and if you complete the pre-ceding mission, you’ll avoid it completely.

Isolate for Deeper Rapport

To “close” a girl, in most cases, you need to“isolate” her. Have you ever noticed that con-versations with large groups are very lightlytopical, compared to one-on-one interactionswhere the subject matter can go very deep?Which conversation is more likely to bringout emotions, to help you get to know

249/415

someone better and form a bond? That’s whywe need to isolate.

My definition of isolation isn’t that you’rethe only people in the location, but that thetwo of you are the only people in the conver-sation. Her friends could be three feet away,or even closer—as long as they’re not in-volved in the conversation.

For me, the easiest way to isolate a girl isto turn her away from her group. She doesn’tneed to leave them completely and walkaway with you, just as long as she isn’t look-ing at them.

A student once asked me to open a girlwho was part of a group of six. Now, I couldhave opened the whole group, bantered for awhile, won them over, and then tried to isol-ate the chosen woman from there. But thereare two reasons why I don’t like doing this:

First, I don’t always want to exert enoughenergy to entertain a huge group in a noisylocation. Second, my problem in the past has

250/415

been that if I involve myself too much in thegroup, they all want to talk to me, and isolat-ing one girl then becomes difficult—she feelssocial pressure as well, because all eyes areon her.

So in the above-mentioned case I wantedto isolate the girl “under the radar.” Havingnoticed that the group had pretty much splitin half, I approached, quickly establishedphysical contact with her (turning heraround by the shoulder before saying aword), introduced myself, and—lo and be-hold—we were isolated as soon as she turnedaway from her two friends.

With a pair of girls, isolation is very diffi-cult. Generally speaking, you need a wing-man in this situation. For a group of three,my simple isolation strategy is to open every-one, reach the hook point, and then deliver apersonal statement to the girl I like(example: observation about her jewelry).The key here is to speak your isolating

251/415

statement at a lower volume and break eyecontact with the others. They will typicallythen engage each other, while the eye contactand attention you’re paying the girl shouldensure that she continues it with you. Younext sidestep slightly around the girl andaway from the other girls, so she has to turnto face you. You’re now isolated. Wasn’t thateasy?

Leading to Isolate

When it comes to moving from the hookpoint toward the close, you generally want tobe leading the girl at all times. “Let’s godance,” “Let’s sit down,” and “Let’s go get adrink” are all ways to lead and isolate. Othersinclude, “Come over into the light” and “Let’sgo over there; it’s less crowded/noisy/smoky.”

252/415

Take It One Step Further: Deep Rapport

Use this technique with caution. I call thecloses I can get with this method “GF-closes”(short for girlfriend). I’m careful to do thisonly with girls I genuinely feel somethingfor. It’s wrong to use it on those I would onlyconsider for a casual relationship. Deep rap-port is a way to get a soul-mate-level connec-tion with the girl and go beyond anything shehas ever felt before.

Achieving deep rapport is a simple two-stage process. Once mastered, it can be doneon the fly with any girl. The steps are:

1. Elicit emotional content.

2. Give feedback and connect.

253/415

First I’ll explain the process and then I’llgive an example that illustrates how to applythis technique.

Okay, so how do you do that first step ofeliciting emotional content? It’s not thathard, actually. These subjects typically haveemotions attached to them:

Passions and interests

Memories (e.g., of childhood)

Future ambitions and dreams

People close to us

Let’s use the example of passions—the firstitem listed—but remember that what followsapplies to all of the above. Your goal should

254/415

be to get down to this deep emotional leveland connect. Every person has things they’repassionate about. These aren’t critical “mustdo” activities, but things that provide a senseof joy, achievement, or simply being fullyalive.

Some examples could be:

Dancing (either watching or doing)

Going to the theater

Checking out museums

Creating art

Playing an instrument

255/415

Reading or writing fiction

Going fishing

Golfing

Reading or writing poetry

Collecting something

These all share common elements: they areways that people choose to spend theirtime—you have passions, I have passions,and the girls you meet will have passions.

Let’s look at some typical ways that pas-sions are dealt with in conversation:

Girl: Actually I practice ballet. I’ve doneit for ten years.

256/415

Guy: Cool, you must be very flexible.

Or, in response to the girl’s same commentabout ballet…

Guy: Cool, I saw Swan Lake.

Or…

Guy: Ugh—my mom made me do itwhen I was a kid. I hated it.

Or…

Guy: I’d like to see you in your tutu.

Or…

Guy: Me too!

Or…

Guy: Cool, I like football.

257/415

This covers a lot of the common responses toballet or any other passion.

Let’s think about this for a second. The girlhas revealed to a guy—let’s sayyou—something that she’s very passionateabout. She’s done it for ten years, purely outof a personal sense of commitment. And yetin all the above examples, her offer to youhas been rejected. You might as well haveasked if she likes oranges, because you’vetreated her passion in a superficial way. Ifyou’re going to take any of these approachesto things that matter, you might as well stayon superficial subjects.

Don’t dismiss her passion in any of theabove ways. Connect with her on it. Youcould lie and say how much you love ballet. Idon’t like to lie, so I wouldn’t do this. Whatyou can do even if you hate ballet is be em-pathetic. Imagine why she loves to dance,what she feels when she dances. By

258/415

expressing that empathy, you show that youunderstand why she loves ballet without say-ing that you love it. It’s something she’sprobably never heard before from a guy, andit establishes the soul-mate connection.

My answer would be made up on the spotfollowing the guideline of seeking to empath-ize as to why she might love ballet:

Me: Wow, that’s so cool. You must bevery dedicated to have kept it up for tenyears. I mean, when you’re young it’seasy, but as you get older you get moreand more commitments.

This is a standard connection for any long-term committed passion.

Or…

Me: So you must really love dancing.Most people have their nine-to-five jobsand come home and watch TV. It’s

259/415

refreshing to find someone with a pas-sion that’s expressive and artistic.

This is standard for any artistic or creativepassion.

Or…

Me: People might think that dancing isjust learning steps and performingthem, but I think it really brings out thesoul in someone. You can dance robotic-ally by perfectly learning the steps, butit’s when you really feel them that youbecome great.

I also imagine that it’s a way of ex-pressing your feelings through themovement of your body, like an artistdoes on canvas or a musician doesthrough an instrument. When you’re inthe moment, you’re expressing yourselfthrough the way you move. It must goback to before we communicated with

260/415

speech and used dance and ritual to ex-press our emotions.

I’d love to see you perform sometime.

You can see why this is so powerful. It can beapplied to any passion, whether you empath-ize with it or not.

Listed below are some things that youprobably don’t do yourself, but that doesn’tmean you can’t connect with people whocomment about their love for these activities:

Fishing is about being with nature, ex-periencing serenity (being alone withyour thoughts), and enjoying anticipa-tion mixed with excitement when youcatch something.

Stamp collecting is about a sense ofachievement. Each stamp has a memoryattached because it’s from a differenttime in your life. Your stamp book is likea book of memories.

261/415

Going out and getting drunk on a Fridaynight is about how you’ve been stressedat work all week and are finally able tobe yourself with your friends, com-pletely in the moment. It’s about justfeeling the enjoyment without a care inthe world—that sense of release from itall.

Overview of Conversational Skills

You may be feeling swamped about now,awash in techniques and approaches youneed to remember. Take a deep breath. Noneof this is rocket science; it’s just not thathard. If you can carry on a conversation, youcan get a girl.

Before we move on to using touch as a toolto take you to rapport and beyond, let’s see if

262/415

we can’t consolidate the needed conversa-tional skills.

Step One—Mastering Eye Contact

Let’s start with eye contact, that most basicform of communication. Most guys eitherbreak eye contact nearly all the time, orbreak it at exactly the time when they shouldmaintain it. A small number of guys have acreepy, weird, or just generally bad form ofeye contact that makes a woman uncomfort-able. Instead of avoiding eye contact (as ex-perience has probably taught them to do),these guys need to work on their problem.

A few things dictate how your eye contactcomes across to another person:

Whether you blink the usual amount oftimes. (You should!)

263/415

Whether your head is pushed forward,ahead of the rest of your body. (Itshouldn’t be!)

Whether your eyes are opened more thanseems natural—as they might be when,say, you’re surprised. If you’re tryinghard to hold eye contact, you’ll end upstaring, which may cause this excessiveopening to happen.

Whether your intent is positive and af-firming. If you hate women and justwant to fuck them, some of this willcome through in your eyes and womenwon’t like you. If this is you, you don’tneed PUA Training, you need a psy-chotherapist. Your intent should be ashealthy and sincere as possible.

264/415

If a guy has generally good eye contact,he’ll still likely break it in the following way:

Him: Hey, do you like pizza?

Her: No.

Him: (Breaks eye contact; then allowstwo-second pause.) Umm. (Looks back.)Right, so what food do you like?

This exchange might sound fine, but it’s ac-tually a conversation killer. Let’s look at why.

In the early moments of a conversation,we’re trying to establish various importantconnections, including the following typesthat eye contact can help with:

Hold her attention

265/415

Try the following: First, get someone to lookat your foot and talk to you. Then look awayand think about how it feels. Now make thatperson hold eye contact and talk. Look awayagain. When you looked away the first time,you probably didn’t feel drawn back to them.The second time, you were aware that theywere looking you in the eye and so you didfeel drawn back to them.

It’s important for the girl you’re talking toto be looking at you, which is my definitionof holding her attention. If someone you’retalking to looks away, then her eyes will no-tice other things, her attention will wander,and she won’t listen as fully. (It’s like whenyou’re typing emails while talking on thephone—you can still respond, but you aren’treally listening.) A girl whose attentionyou’re not holding will soon become boredand want to leave.

266/415

Build a connection and build attraction

Our eyes are the most beautiful parts of ourfaces—arguably, of our entire bodies. Theyare attraction builders in a range of individu-alized colors. So picture the following twoversions of the same scenario:

In the first, a couple on a first date aren’ttalking to each other and aren’t looking ateach other; they’re looking around the roomand at other people.

In the second version, they’re still not talk-ing, but they’re looking into each other’seyes.

Do you have experience with the secondversion? It can be a dramatic moment, ifconnection and attraction are being builtwithout words. The eyes reveal all. So whenyou’re talking and holding good eye contact,you’re achieving two things simultaneously:

267/415

1. Holding attention.

2. Building a connection and buildingattraction. (As noted above, this isalso true to a similar degree whenyou’re holding eye contact but nottalking. So at all times you must beeither talking or holding eye contact.)

If we look again at our “Do you like pizza?”scenario, we can see that by simply replacingthe break in eye contact and the “Umm” witha pause that maintains the eye contact, theconnection is maintained and the girl’s at-tention is held. A side benefit of this is thatshe might elaborate or ask you a similarquestion in turn, a positive by-product ofholding eye contact, which means you actu-ally have to do less work in the conversation.

If you feel the need to break eye contact,you should do it when you’re the one talking

268/415

and she’s looking at you. In a multipersonset, spread the eye contact evenly, but directit to one person in particular if she starts tobreak eye contact and look away.

Step Two—Developing Self-Awareness

Next we need to focus on removing nervoustics (tapping your fingers or toes, touchingyour face, playing with your watch, etc.). Foryou to do this successfully, you’ll need toeither make yourself completely aware ofyour body when you’re in a stressful situ-ation, or do one of the following: videotapeyourself or have someone you trust observeyou and be brutally honest in telling youwhat you do. I’ve tried all three over theyears and have gone through the step-by-step process of:

269/415

1. Becoming aware of the nervous tic

2. Realizing when I’ve just done it

3. Stopping myself as I’m doing it

4. Stopping doing it altogether

Step Three—Having a ComfortableConversation

Next we have to work on the actual conversa-tion. If you’re starting from a position of si-lence, the first step is to say something. Mostpeople won’t make a direct statement(“That’s a nice shade of red you’re wearing”),but will ask a question (“What do you do?”).When I watch a guy who’s had no training

270/415

talk to a girl who’s behaving naturally, theconversation will normally run as follows:

Guy asks question. Girl responds. Guysays, “Cool,” or, “Right,” or “Okay,” and thenasks another question. If there’s more detailrequired, the question will be on the samesubject: “What do you do?” Study. “Cool,what do you study?” Psychology. “Oh right,what year are you in?” If there isn’t much de-tail to gather, then he’ll normally um and ah,and then switch threads: “Do you have anypets?” No. “Umm. Ah. Have you been on va-cation recently?”

There are many problems with thisstructure:

All the pressure is on her; after all, it’seasier to ask a question than answer it.

She’s being asked to reveal informationbefore she feels ready to invest in the

271/415

interaction; more often, she won’t wantto do this and will give as little aspossible.

When she does give the guy—say it’syou—some information, she doesn’tfeel she’s receiving any reward for do-ing so, or that you’re really listeningand interested. All you say is, “Cool,”and then ask another question.

You’re not connecting with her at all.You could have emailed her your ques-tions beforehand and picked up the an-swers later!

Generally, the conversation doesn’t de-viate from a predictable, prescripted se-quence. You don’t follow any of thenew routes suggested by her answers.

272/415

She’s had this conversation hundreds oftimes before.

So what you need to do is:

Take some of the pressure off.

Reward her for giving you information.

Make an attempt to connect with her onas many points as possible.

What you should in fact do is connect, godeeper, every time you elicit a piece of in-formation. Remember our earlier discussionof links? You should be trying to produce alink and then using it to extend the interac-tion by making a statement. Every response

273/415

she gives is a link. You need to be able tomake a statement or observation, if possiblein the second or third person, about what shehas just said, and then follow it with aquestion.

Here’s a good formula to remember:

You speaking = 90 percentstatements,

10 percentquestions.

Step Four—Making the ConversationInteresting Without Running Out of Things toSay

Keeping the conversation going is a problemfor most guys. Generally we run out of stuffto say and go blank. You might ask, “Haveyou been to Miami?” She says, “Yeah, years

274/415

ago, when I was a kid.” You say, “Oh, I mightgo there soon,” and she says, “Oh, cool.”Then that thread has gone dry and you needto switch subjects. There’s a pause andyou’ve run out of stuff to say. It happenedbecause you connected at the lowest possiblelevel, at the least interesting level ofspeech—talking about yourself in relation toa subject she doesn’t have much to say about.

Area of Conversation

275/415

If you’d directed the conversation to amore fertile area—one that connected withher—you would have gotten a much betterresponse from her and thus had more to sayin response.

If you do run out of things to say, you al-ways have two options to fall back

276/415

on—dropping down to a lower level (talkingabout yourself), or switching threads.

A Note on Storytelling

Guys often ask me how they can improvetheir storytelling, because other popularpickup theories place a strong emphasis on itas an important part of a seduction. Person-ally, I don’t like storytelling as a tool forpickup, because I don’t believe that a storyallows for connection and therefore it doesn’thelp a close. Women can get great storiesfrom books and movies, but not necessarily asense of connection and understanding. Forthe most part, no story is as interesting asmeeting someone you feel completely con-nected to and understood by.

It’s worth noting here that talking aboutyourself is fine once a connection or attrac-tion has been made. A girl could sit andlisten to Johnny Depp talk about himself all

277/415

day and enjoy it, because the attraction andinterest are already there. When someonefeels connected with you, she naturally wantsto find out more about you; however, toomuch self-referencing should be avoided inthe early stages, before that connection isestablished.

Step Five—Leading the Conversation toSolidify the Close

When you’re talking to a girl, you generallywant to lead the conversation. This meansthat you have a conscious idea of which wayyou want to direct it. But there are bad—un-productive—conversational areas that youwant to avoid:

Talking about yourself all the time

278/415

Talking about dark subjects such as waror violence, which I cautioned againstearlier

Addressing shallow subjects—generalit-ies like the weather, television, or smalltalk about work

If you talk about shallow subjects, the bestyou can achieve is to have her think of you ascomfortable, confident, interesting, andmaybe possibly funny. This is great,sure—but she can find other guys who havethose qualities. To take it to the next level,you need to connect with her.

To stand out from other guys, I try to coverthe following areas:

279/415

Character traits

Motivations

Emotions

Anytime your conversational partner sayssomething, think about how it might relateto these three areas. Let’s imagine you justfound out that she moved to your town fromEurope. Instead of sticking to your usualthought process, try to filter that informationthrough these three questions:

1. What type of person would do this?(Character traits: extroverted,adventurous.)

280/415

2. Why might she do this? (Motivations:money, following a dream, seizing anopportunity.)

3. How might she feel about this?(Emotions: apprehensive, excited.)

Kino-Escalation

The fact is, most people like to be touched.Hugs feel good. Someone touching your armwhen they offer their emotional support of-fers more than just words.

That said, a lot of guys are afraid of touch-ing a woman in a bar because they’re scaredof being perceived as creepy. Yes, womenhate being grabbed by drunk guys at the bar,but if they’re talking to someone they like,they want to be touched!

281/415

Kino-escalation is the process of going allthe way from incidental touches to sex. Obvi-ously the first time you touch a girl generallycan’t be when you kiss her; that’d be weird.You need to get her comfortable with yourtouching, and there are lots of ways to dothis.

Intent. Women can sense the intent be-hind kino. An arm on the shoulder fromsomeone thinking, “Okay, now I’m go-ing to escalate by putting my arm onher shoulder,” will make her feel weird.She’ll subconsciously know the differ-ence between creepy touching and nicetouching because she’s been touchedby a lot of men! When she’s attractedto you, you can get away with anythingyou like, but until that point your intentshould be pure. When you touch her,make it part of your natural move-ments; touch her in the same way you

282/415

would touch a friend, and keep the in-tent behind it positive and natural.Don’t think sleazy thoughts! Later,when a woman is attracted to and inter-ested in you, you can have a sexual in-tent behind your kino that will be com-pletely accepted.

Speed. The faster the kino, the more youcan get away with, because it becomesharder to object to. The brain doesn’thave time to register the hand on theshoulder if it’s there for just a second.

Eye contact. Do not look at the part ofher that you’re touching; that draws at-tention to the touch and feels “icky” towomen. On the other hand, don’t go forfull eye contact either. When you go toescalate kino in a major way, maybe byputting your arm around her, eye

283/415

contact will make it an intensely high-pressure moment. If you’re lookingaway when you make this move, it’smuch more comfortable and accept-able. Use the looking-away trick whentaking a girl’s hand or doing anythingelse that seems potentially too intimateat the time.

Kino is best seen and taught in video,so watch this guide to see kino doneright: www.puatraining.com/kinovideo.

Excuses to Touch

Making use of existing excuses to touchsolves the problem of kino-escalation foranyone not used to touching strangers inconversation. Below are some nonthreaten-ing ways to kino-escalate:

284/415

Don’t shake her hand when introduced;hold it for about three seconds. It’slong enough to notice, but not longenough to object to.

Use high-fives when you find somethingcool about her.

If she goes to the gym, exercises, lookstough, or whatever, ask to feel hermuscles. Flex your arm and point at herto do the same.

Check out her jewelry. Hold her hand tosee her rings or bracelets. Move herhair back to check out her earrings.You can use many excuses to check outher hair. “Ever wear it up?” “Is thatyour natural color?” “Ever had it long/short?”

285/415

Take her pulse.

Ask if she salsas, or does any otherdance, and dance with her. Don’t ask ifshe wants to; just lead.

If she gives you any shit, take her hand,put it on your chest, and say, “Oh,you’re breaking my heart!”

Try arm-in-arm leading as you movefrom bar to table or dance floor.

As you tease her, try friendly poking,prodding, tickling, play-fighting,nudging—all great, playful ways tokino-escalate.

286/415

Sexual Tension Techniques

Here are some techniques for heighteningsexual tension that are purely physical. Oth-ers that are verbal, or a combination ofverbal and physical, appear in the “SexualSpikes” subsection, below.

Finger playing. When you’re holdinghands, play with the woman’s fingersand see if she reciprocates. This is sur-prisingly sexy and a great test.

Hand squeezing. Squeeze her hand andsee if she squeezes back. This is a greatindicator that the kiss close is definitelyon.

287/415

Triangular gazing. This is a method ofmaking her think in a sexual way. Lookat her left eye, then the right, then thelips. One second on each. Repeat.

Playful Escalation vs. Sexual Escalation

You can escalate kino in two ways, sexuallyand playfully. The best way to escalate with afriend or a girl from your social circle is toplayfully test out her receptiveness, insteadof making a high-pressure move to sexuallyescalate. Sexual escalation, as the name im-plies, has a sexual intent behind it. Playfulescalation seems safer to girls who alreadyknow you because it’s what brothers and sis-ters do. But it’s also what boyfriends andgirlfriends in a comfortable relationship do,

288/415

so it’s a great way to escalate and trigger en-joyable feelings of sexual tension.

Sexual Spikes

Often, you can physically escalate the kino toget a girl primed for a kiss close. But you canalso use verbal escalation to get her in themood and bring in some sexual tension.Most guys won’t do it, or at least won’t do itsmoothly. Here are some routines and linesthat can be used:

“Cool, you’re my new girlfriend.”

“You look like you’re imagining kissingme.” This is a good one, because itisn’t asking if she wants to kiss you,but if she responds positively the kiss ison. If she wasn’t imagining kissing youalready, she will after this. Watch her

289/415

look at your lips! Then you can say,“Okay, now you are.”

Take her pulse. Then say, “I knew it:you are attracted to me.”

When you’re having a conversation, stopand look at her breasts. Check them outblatantly. When she asks, “What areyou doing?” or calls you on it, put afinger up to signal “Wait,” then look upand say, “Okay, carry on.” It’s veryfunny.

“What’s your favorite fruit?… Wow,I’ve never eaten (strawberries) off anaked woman before!”

“The other day, I heard a girl get hit onby the craziest line. A guy said, ‘Ima-gine me going down on you all night.’Now I don’t know about you, but…”

290/415

“How much would you like to kiss me?”

“On a scale of one to ten, how dirty isyour mind?”

“If you were in kissing school, whatgrade would you get? Let’s find out!”

The Kino-Escalation Process

All of the physical and verbal steps discussedin this chapter can sometimes be skippedand you can go straight for a kiss. That workssometimes. But to smoothly lead into a kiss,you need to ramp up the kino bit by bit.

The process below shows a smooth pathfrom nothing to kissing. You can also com-bine this physical progression with someverbal sexual escalation (see “SexualSpikes”):

291/415

Touch shoulder

Take hand (using excuse)

Dance

Hold hand

Squeeze hand

Touch hair (using excuse)

Kiss

292/415

7. The Close

It’s the moment every guy dreads—actuallyputting your chips on the table and going forit. In some situations, this will mean goingfor a number; in others, it will mean goingfor a kiss right on the spot; and in still oth-ers, it will mean getting the girl back to yourplace for a night of fun. In the pages that fol-low I share with you strategies and tactics forall three of these situations so that when it’stime to make your move, you’ll know exactlywhat to do, and how to do it.

We begin with the first type of close: thenumber close.

Going for a phone number is a high-pres-sure moment for most guys—they don’tknow when to do it, and they don’t knowwhether the girl will give it to them or rejectthem. Even after getting a number, it can bedifficult to convert it into a date or anothermeeting. I used to have pretty good conver-sations and then not ask for the number,either because I’d feel insecure about reveal-ing that it was indeed a pickup attempt, orbecause I’d be afraid she’d say no. But it’s anessential skill to learn, and it becomes easy ifyou do it smoothly and repeatedly. Here’swhat to do.

Number Closing

Most guys make the mistake of making smalltalk for a period of time and then just comingout and asking for a number. This is wrong.A connection can be built quickly just on

294/415

small talk, but it usually takes a lot longer.Keep in mind that the conversation needs tobe directed toward the goal at all times.

Targeting Conversation for Number Closing

A conversation aimed at getting a beautifulwoman’s phone number needs to be basedaround connections and common interests:

How does she spend her time? Whatdoes she do when she isn’t working?

What foods does she like?

What places does she like to go to in theevening? Is she a party girl?

295/415

Does she like the arts?

Is there something she would like to dobut hasn’t yet tried (e.g., a salsa class)?

These are some basic common-interestquestions that could lead to a possible con-nection. Think up your own, some in ad-vance and some on the fly; there are hun-dreds of possible alternatives.

Taking two opposite examples, let meshow you how to lead into a number closefrom a general conversation:

You: What places do you like to go inthe evening?

Her: I like Club/Bar X.

You: Cool, it’s good there. Have youever been to Club Y?

296/415

Her: Not so far.

You: Well, some friends and I are goingthere on Friday. You should come.

Her: Yeah, okay.

You: Excellent. What’s your number?

Or…

You: What do you like to do whenyou’re not working?

Her: I like to go to the theater/mu-seums/ballet/rock concerts.

You: Have you been to that new show/exhibition/whatever?

Her: No.

You: Me neither. We should go.

297/415

Her: Okay, sure.

You: Great, give me your number.

Tip: Never ask for a number directly; itshould flow naturally. The close shouldbe assumed.

Finally, most guys get at least occasionalnumbers that “flake.” This is when you get anumber but when you go to call her, it’seither fake or she doesn’t pick up. To helpminimize what I call “flakeage,” try this:

Ask her if you can enter your number inher phone too. Have a connection orsomething you can do together, as describedabove. And most important, arrange a datethere and then. If you’ve already arranged adate, she can be thinking about it when youcall. Apply these tips, and all your good in-teractions should end in solid number closes.

298/415

Simple Lines for a Number Close

How about if you can’t find a connection,don’t have time to, or for some other reasonjust don’t have a conversation like the above?You can use the following universaltechnique:

You: It’s been great speaking with you.We should continue this some time.

Her: Sure.

You (handing her your phone): Okay,put your number in there and we’ll ar-range something in a few days.

Or…

299/415

You: Listen, I need to go and meet myfriends, but what’s the best way to keepin touch with you?

Her: You can take my number/add meon Facebook/email me.

Intuiting the Correct Pressure Level forNumber Closing

Knowing how strong or gentle and how fastor slow to move after you’ve made a connec-tion with a new woman is all part of the nat-ural seducer’s learning curve. This applies towhen you’re with her in person or on thephone, to your method of closing, and also toyour proposition for the first date or meetingafter getting the number.

If you’re with a girl and ask her to meetyou for an intimate romantic dinner and

300/415

then come back to your house for wine,you’re putting a lot of pressure on her. She’dbetter like you a lot! If you’re suggesting thatshe go out to a cool party with all herfriends—and you—there isn’t so much pres-sure. Bear in mind what you’re asking thegirl to do. If you meet her for ten minutesand then suggest that you go on a date/fordinner/to the movies/for a drink, she’ll gohome, think about it, and talk to her friends;and she could easily change her mind andflake. “Will it pass the friends test?” is a goodguideline to use when suggesting a meet-up.Will her friends say, “What? You met someguy for five minutes in Starbucks and nowyou’re meeting him alone in a bar? He’llprobably spike your drink and rape you.”

You’ll need a good connection so that she’ssure enough of you, feels safe around you,and is also attracted and intrigued. The easi-est possible number close would be to invitethe girl to a nice club or party with her

301/415

friends, which may even pass the annoyingfriends test.

Use low-pressure closes when you aren’tso sure about the solidness of the set. Usehigher-pressure closes when it’s reallyon—when you don’t want to beat around thebush and neither does she. The personalitytype of the girl will be a major factor: if she’sindecisive and easily led by her friends, thenshe’s much more potentially flaky, and a low-pressure closing will work better.

Objection Handling

Now is a good time to mention dealing withobjections women might have. This subject isalmost big enough to warrant its own sec-tion, so pay attention! The situation: she’stipsy, you meet in a bar, you have a greattime. Easy to see her again? Not always. Theproblem is, she’s going to go home, talk toher friends, and be distracted by all the other

302/415

guys chasing her. You can easily turn into“the dude I met when I was drunk,” eventhough you might have made the most in-credible connection of all time. You can bethinking she’ll fall in love with you, but she’llflake!

The way you deal with this is by makingstatements that put the potential objectionout there right away, before she thinks of itlater. Consider these options:

“I know we’re drunk, but I can tell that we’llget along great. It’ll be excellent to meet upsomewhere more quiet and really get toknow each other.”

“I didn’t expect to meet a great girl in anightclub. We might go home and think thatwe had an amazing connection just becauseof the flashy environment. That might be the

303/415

case, of course—but I’d love to find out bygetting to know you better in a more chilled-out location.”

By preempting her objections, you helpher remain focused on meeting you againand not on the potential problems. This is es-pecially important if you escalated kinopretty hard. In that case you’ll also have todeal with, “Maybe he’s a player,” and, “If wemeet again, he’ll be all over me right away.”You can use the same method to deal withthese issues too.

Kiss Closing

The kiss closing is a sticking point for lots ofguys. Going for the kiss is another pointwhere you’re putting yourself out there to getrejected. The way to remove the pressure

304/415

from this moment is to work up to itsmoothly with a variety of escalation tech-niques, and by using tests to see if the girl isready. Think back to “the three characters ofa seduction” that we talked about in chapter3: Mr. Sociable, Mr. Comfort, and Mr. Sedu-cer. If you’re not in the seductive charactermode at the time of the kiss, she might notfeel in the mood.

Here are some techniques to help makethe kiss a smooth move she’ll go for everytime:

1. Touch her in increasingly more sensualways leading up to the kiss:

Touch her arm for emphasis whenyou’re talking.

Touch her hand. As noted earlier, look-ing at jewelry is a good excuse.

305/415

Touch her hair. Asking if it’s her naturalcolor/if she ever wears it up/has evercut it short/used to have it long/or evenwhen she washed it is a good excuse. Ifshe’s comfortable with your touchingher hair and doesn’t pull back at all,then she’s kissable. You can go for ithere.

Smell her hair. Oddly enough, that’s aturn-on for girls.

Take her hand and hold it as you talk. Ifyou’ve done some of the above, hand-holding will be acceptable at this point.Don’t look at her hand or draw atten-tion to it; just do it!

Squeeze her hand and see if shesqueezes back; this is another

306/415

kissability indicator. No girl eversqueezes back if she isn’t ready to kiss.

Stop talking, pause, tilt your head, andlook at her. See if she’s comfortablewith this attention. If she is, you cankiss.

What if she turns her face when you tryto kiss? Kiss her cheek and then herneck! Chances are she’ll turn aroundand kiss you. Turning a bit isn’t a re-jection, but most guys assume it to beand back away. Try this alternativekissing and you can turn her on evenmore. It’s only a rejection if she re-coils—backs off and away.

So now you know how to touch her, butyour moves won’t be 100 percent smooth if

307/415

you’re still in the same character as whentalking to your hairdresser—i.e., acting like afriend instead of a lover. It’s time for Mr.Seducer.

2. Establish a sexual vibe as you escalatethe physical contact. You do this by:

Using more intense eye contact.

Switching to a slower, smoother, deepervoice.

Looking at her in a sexual way, lookingat her lips as well as her eyes. If she re-ciprocates, she’s imagining kissingyou.

3. Sometimes, even with no work on yourpart, she’ll want you. When a girl wants tokiss you:

308/415

She squeezes your hand.

She looks at your lips.

She touches your chest instead of yourarm.

She’s comfortable with hard eye contacteven when no one is speaking.

Sex Closing

I believe that every girl is persuadable. I’mnot going to use the term one-night stand inthis discussion, because you may very wellsee her again, but I will say same-night

309/415

sex—in other words, sleeping with the girlthe night you meet her. Personally, I alwaystry to sleep with the girl as quickly as pos-sible, even if I’m aiming for a real relation-ship, because in my experience, it makesthings so much easier once it’s out of theway. There, I said it!

Why Same-Night Sex?

Sometimes you meet and feel a strong sexualvibe. If you took that particular girl’s numberand agreed to meet another time, that sparkmight be gone. I’ve had my best experienceswhen things seemed just perfect on the firstnight I met a girl. If you want a casual rela-tionship, sleeping with her before she knowsyou well enough to become emotionally at-tached is the right policy. If you wantsomething deeper, sleeping with her quickly

310/415

so that you can both become more relaxedwith each other is also the right policy.

Remember, I’m a pickup artist. I’m notgrabbing a jaded, drunk chick off the dancefloor at 2:00 A.M.; I’m meeting a beautifulgirl, usually the best in the club—and part-way through the night I’m getting to knowher, then (usually!) taking her home later.This means we can create a romantic, intim-ate, passionate experience. I love romance, aperfect Hollywood moment; I don’t likequick sex in the bathroom. And I think youcan get this on the same night you’ve met ifyou’re both pretty sober and have more thanjust a physical connection. I’ve doneeverything from twenty minutes street-to-house with a super-hot model (the hottestgirl I ever slept with) to a ten-hour seductionmarathon filled with objections from a vir-gin. (I wasn’t being a bastard, and she even-tually became my girlfriend!) The bottomline is that there are different types of same-

311/415

night sex, and it generally depends on thegirl.

How to Lead a Girl to Same-Night Sex

So what kind of girls tend to be interested insame-night sex? There’s a surprisingly widerange, from “ready to go” girls, to “just thisonce” girls, to girls who protest, “I’m not thatkind of girl.” Each kind of girl requires a dif-ferent response from you.

Safe Sex

I always have condoms in my house and withme at all times when I go out. Over the years,I’ve come to learn two things about safe sex(and why it’s important):

312/415

If a girl would sleep with you with nocondom, then she’d do it with otherguys—and probably has.

STDs (a.k.a. sexually transmitted dis-eases) are serious business. Maybeyou’ve caught something before andgotten better after being treated, so youthink STDs are no big deal. But someSTDs are incurable and can literally ru-in your life. Plus, how confident canyou be when you’re walking aroundwith a rash or sores on your penis?Google herpes (click on the images ifyou dare), and I’m sure you’ll never goout without condoms again.

313/415

“Ready to go” girls

There are some girls who have same-nightsex often, and with lots of different guys—ineffect, one-night stands. These girls are notonly open to same-night sex; they want it.What appeals to this type of woman is adominant man who looks like he can takecare of her sexual needs and desires. If youwant to be that guy, you should make out-ward displays of confidence, approach dir-ectly, and escalate smoothly from touchingto kissing, telling her what you want to dowith her, etc. With this girl, you can simplylead her out of the club and there won’t bemany, if any, questions asked about what’sgoing on. “Grab your jacket,” you can an-nounce, “and let’s get out of here!”

314/415

“Just this once” girls

Other girls may have gone along with same-night sex a few times before, but it isn’tsomething they’re automatically agreeable toor normally into. They’re not sluts and theydon’t want to be treated as such. Still, theyenjoy sex and aren’t prudish.

These girls need more than the physical,however, and will reject you if that’s all that’son offer. You can give them a taste of sexual-ity, but you should also slow down to showthat you have self-control and take the timeto get to know each other.

This type of woman needs to feel that Hol-lywood moment; she needs to feel like shehas really met a fantastic guy. Stare into hereyes in a loving way; find out stuff about herand connect on it. Then show her that you’rebecoming more and more attracted to her asyou find out more and more about her. Evenas you’re connecting with her on an

315/415

emotional level, however, you can be convey-ing sexual tension in the way you look at her.In summary, turn her on intellectually, emo-tionally, and physically.

Often, you’ll need a reason for this girl tocome home with you—hearing you play asong, seeing some photographs you took on arecent trip to someplace she wants to visit, oryour cute little dog. Try telling her simply,“Let’s go somewhere else,” and then, if andwhen she asks where, you can say, “I want toshow you something.” Head for your place,though, even while you’re talking. If she ob-jects to where you’re taking her, you can say,“Well, you can’t stay long, because I need towake up early,” and then quickly change thesubject. Do not engage in logical debate.Keep leading her and then change thesubject.

If she objects to you verbally but still con-sents physically (for example, she says sheshouldn’t go back with you but is still

316/415

walking hand in hand), it’s usually a tokenobjection and can be quickly dealt with.

If she objects to you physically andverbally, immediately stop what you’re do-ing! She is not going to go home with you ordo anything with you—and you need to re-spect her and stop it there! Learn this im-portant point. Women sometimes like toplayfully object and wrestle with you if theywant to be controlled. This can make it diffi-cult and confusing for men, because some-times women really mean their resistance, inwhich case there’s the very real potential forrape. If you make sure you’re respectingyour date at all times, everything will workout fine.

“I’m not that kind of girl” girls

The third type of girl is the one that’s notvery sexual and will always react in horror at

317/415

the thought of a “dirty” one-night stand or ofsleeping with a guy so quickly. Connect withher on an emotional level first. Introduce atiny bit of sexual tension, but just enough togenerate attraction and to avoid beingthought of as merely a friend.

Getting her back to the house won’t be toodifficult, because you’ll generate trust andyou won’t kiss her before you get there. Afteryou’ve connected with her on all levels, sug-gest going somewhere more quiet, morecomfortable, where the drinks are cheaper,to chat some more—whatever. You need totalk about future plans with this girl, thingsyou can do together. If there are any objec-tions, you should manage to get around themwith, “I want to show you where I live.Anyway…”

Once you get to the house, sit her down onthe couch or on your bed. Get the wine out.Give her time to get comfortable. After fiveminutes, go in for the kiss. You could have

318/415

kissed earlier because you had comfort,trust, connection, and attraction, but youwaited to avoid the “Oh, I’m horny now; let’sgo to my place” vibe. The kiss has been “on”for a while, so it will be easy.

Escalate very slowly and smoothly fromthat first kiss. Anytime you sense discomforton her part, take a step back—show hersomething on your laptop or put a movieon—keep it there for a time, and then rees-calate. When the time feels right, offer an ex-cuse to get in the bed (it’s more comfort-able); have an excuse to take clothes off(it’s hot)—all while physically escalating. It’sgot to be like it happened by accident. Onceshe’s naked, the interaction has passed thepoint of no return and should be smoothsailing.

Girls in this category will be much morelikely to go home with you if you don’t dir-ectly mention the fact that they’re going backto have sex with you. Of course, they’ll know

319/415

it on some level, but a much higher percent-age of girls will sleep with you if you makethe subtle shift from “Want to go back andhave sex with me?” to “Want to come for cof-fee?” Other lines that work well include“Want to go someplace more comfortable?”and “Let’s go somewhere else.”

The difference is that you’re leading, notasking. People feel more comfortable insimply following rather than making a com-mitment to follow. For example, “Let’s godance” always works better than “Would youlike to dance?”

Tip

Dirty dancing is generally good for getting inthe mood, getting her comfortable with youphysically, etc. You need to be confident andcomfortable so that she feels that vibe too.Treat her like your girlfriend. Touch her withfamiliarity. Awkwardness won’t fly.

320/415

Sex on a First Date

For a lot of reasons, you might opt for anumber close or a kiss close over same-nightsex. That doesn’t mean you’re out of luck,but you’ve got to know what you’re doing tomove forward.

Most guys who meet girls for dates after anumber close see the attraction completelyfizzle out; or, at a minimum, they have towork through a number of dates to get into aposition where they can take things physical.That’s an avoidable problem. If you arrangeto meet a girl for lunch or in a coffee shop inthe daytime, your first date clearly isn’t goingto end up in bed.

So how do you do it? There are a few es-sential elements to the sexually successfulfirst date:

321/415

First, arrange to meet at night. There’smore of a sexual vibe at night, so you can es-tablish a physical connection straightaway.And meet somewhere near where you live,preferably within walking distance. I arrangethis with a girl by saying something like,“Let’s meet at the local Starbucks. When’sgood for you—8:00 P.M. or 9:00?” The ques-tion offers illusory choice on a point that’s ir-relevant to me in terms of the result.

Solid Closes and Buyer’s Remorse

When you’re getting on well with a girl in aclub or a bar and there’s the potential forthings to get physical, there are differentways to play it. You may have heard ofsomething called “buyer’s remorse,” which inthe context of dating is where you escalatethe physical stuff too quickly with a girl andthen she regrets it and doesn’t want to seeyou again.

322/415

Let me illustrate this with an example. Iapproached a hot girl in a club one night,and in a short span of time we were kissingand touching very sexually, almost to thepoint of getting thrown out. Wanting to slowthings down a bit, I stopped, took her hand,and led her to sit down. On the way, though,a friend asked me to take a picture of hisgroup and I got engaged in conversation withhim; she, probably anxious about howquickly things had been advancing, wentback to her friends and ended up leaving theclub without talking to me again.

If I had managed things differently—if Ihad sat down with her and spent twentyminutes talking and discovering things Iliked about her before getting all hot andheavy, she probably wouldn’t have run awayand I probably would have succeeded in get-ting her to agree to a follow-up date.

So basically, you have to do a couple ofthings if you’re getting physical with a girl

323/415

you’d like to see again. If there’s no chance ofyour sleeping with her that night (becauseshe has to drive friends home, or whatever)and you really like her, don’t spend thewhole night kissing her; back off and talk,then kiss a bit more, then talk a bit. Mix itup. If you can sleep with her that night, gofor it and spend some quality time afterward.

When you meet her for that first real date,the most important thing to do is immedi-ately treat her as if she’s your girlfriend. Kissher on the cheek, take her hand or put yourarm around her, and lead her off to the loca-tion of your date. Remember that if she actu-ally shows up for a date, she’s attracted toyou; that’s a given. By treating her as yourgirlfriend, you’re basically triggering all thefeelings within her associated with guys she’sdated for years. You’re touching her like herex-boyfriends did. If you’re comfortable,she’ll be comfortable. If you’re

324/415

uncomfortable and nervous, she’ll be thesame.

When you arrive at your destination, lether sit first and then sit next to her. You’ll bein danger of losing a sexual vibe if you sit op-posite her. In terms of conversation, mixplayfulness, teasing, the sexual vibe, andcomfort-building. For my first dates, I alwayslike to take the girl to a spot that closes at11:00 P.M., so it’s natural to leave then andjust lead her to my house.

If you don’t have a favorite place thatcloses down early like that, you can say,“Let’s go somewhere else,” and simply leadher to your home. When you’re walkingdown the street together, don’t talk aboutwhere you’re going. If she asks directly, youcan say, “We’re going somewhere more com-fortable,” or “I know a great place where themusic is better,” or even, “I’m going to showyou where I live.” You can also have a quirkyexcuse to take her home, like “Come and see

325/415

my cat do back flips.” (But if you go thatroute, you’d better have a cat waiting for youwhen you get home!)

One of the key things here is to try to dis-tract her. Draw her attention from your des-tination by asking or talking aboutsomething else. “So, did you see that newmovie with Matt Damon?” Then continueleading her and walking. If she objects to youverbally but is still walking with you, don’tengage in logical debate. Remember that awoman has both a logical and an emotionalmind. Her emotional mind is expressedthrough her body and her logical mindthrough her speech. Distract her logicalmind.

When you get back to the house, sit herdown (on your bed if possible) and give hersome space. Don’t get in her face right away.You’re doing some crucial thingshere—primarily, showing that you have self-

326/415

control. This generates trust, and she’ll feelmore comfortable with you.

After a few minutes, go into the seductivecharacter again and build some tension be-fore you kiss her; that will make the kissmore passionate and will turn her on. Kissfor a bit, then lay her down. If she isn’t inyour bedroom, give her the grand tour. Havesomething in your bedroom that you canlook at together—a photo album, say—anddo that sitting on the bed. Remember,though—if she says, “Stop!” you better stopwhatever you’re doing (or trying to do) im-mediately. If she gives you a more subtle ob-jection, or you sense one coming, go backone or two moves and try to turn her onsome more.

Sexual Confidence

327/415

A lot of guys have some performance anxietywhen it comes to sexual confidence. I cer-tainly did when I was starting out, due toknowing that any girl I met likely had waymore sexual experience than I did, and alsofrom a lack of confidence about how Ilooked. I was scared to get naked and wasn’tconfident in my skills!

Despite my lack of confidence, it took onlya few weeks of practice to get into some greatsituations with beautiful girls. I’d gotten sogood at the early stages that girls oftenthought I was a “player” and probablythought I was an amazing lover because ofmy confidence in the first minutes of an in-teraction. Little did they know that I hadkissed fewer than five girls, even though Iwas twenty-five years old!

I remember one particularly attractiveFrench girl I met at a local bar. I got hernumber and actually managed to get her on adate a few days later. My “sex on the first

328/415

date system”—still in the draft stage backthen—was running like clockwork. We weresitting in my room on the bed (the only placeto sit in my small portion of the sharedapartment), and there was a beautiful mo-ment when she revealed something very per-sonal. She told me that she played the harp,and that she thought of her harp as a “he”;when the window was open, “he” wouldmake sounds from the wind that she thoughtwas him talking to her, and she would comeplay a response. She told me that she’d nevertalked with anyone about it before, but thatshe felt I understood her—in fact, she said, itwas as if she’d known me for months.

I put my glass of wine down, moved to-ward her, ran my fingers through her hair,and went in to kiss her. When she turned herhead to the side, instead of backing off Ikissed her cheek and then her neck and thengently turned her head back toward me. Tomy surprise, she went crazy and jumped on

329/415

top of me, kissing me aggressively and bitingmy lips. This had never happened be-fore—not even close! I couldn’t handle it anddidn’t even like it. She looked like shewanted to devour me, and I was just plainscared!

I’d had only slow, soft, and tender mo-ments in my brief romantic career, and thisgirl wanted the opposite. She wanted a con-fident, dominant man. I’d probably seemedto be that guy when I picked her up, but Ididn’t yet have the sexual confidence to backup my posturing. I got on top of her andpinned her down, but my movements weretentative because I didn’t really know what Iwas doing. She wanted me to control herphysically and loved it when I managed to dothat. I’d never ripped a girl’s clothes off andhad wild sex before, but I was game to try. Iwas way too slow for her liking, though; andalthough we did get it on, I was in my headall the time, thinking about what I should do

330/415

to make her happy and not really enjoyingthe moment. I caught a confused look on herface at one moment, as if she was wonderingwhat the hell I was doing.

I felt like a real man would have been ableto handle the situation properly. I’d sensedthat I wasn’t very “manly” for a while. WhenI was at work during those early years, fromabout eighteen to twenty years old, I was the“friend” who posed no sexual threat, whodidn’t project any sexuality at all. I’d sitaround with the marketing department girls,and they’d talk about sex and personal issuesas if I were a girl. When I was with my guyfriends, I didn’t talk about sex or women inthe usual crass way. I still don’t think it’s ne-cessary to do that—but it is necessary to besexually confident and to be able to handlesexually aggressive women without beingscared off. Women should see you as sexual,not as a gay best friend!

331/415

I’d been brought up by my mother with nomale influences or role models, and I guess Ilacked a general manliness and (especially)sexual confidence. I had taught myself theattributes of an alpha male and definitelyprojected them in a club, but I had a weakunderbelly that revealed itself in the bed-room! The French girl I was just talkingabout was only nineteen, but I couldn’thandle her. She said, in both words and ac-tion, “I like sex,” and was very matter-of-factabout it. I was happy to have slept withher—she was one of the best-looking girls I’dmet in London—but I didn’t know how togive her what she wanted! She didn’t comeback for more, and this was going to be a bigproblem if it continued.

In the months that followed I struggledwith how to get this area of my life handled.I’d never openly talked about sex withfriends; I’d always felt uncomfortable whenthe subject came up. Seeing the need for

332/415

change, I decided to make a conscious effortto talk about sex with male and femalefriends alike. Gradually I got comfortabletalking about it, making sexual innuendosand jokes and being more open. I deliber-ately spent some time with the most sexualgirls around and started regularly going tostrip clubs. Within a few weeks I had a girl-friend who was a dancer. She was super-con-fident—a half-Greek and half-Brazilian wo-man who was paid by the club to teach theother girls “pole tricks.” She was totally con-fident with her body, walking around myapartment naked even when there was achance that my roommates might see her.She told me what to do in bed, what sheliked; and after dating me for a few weeksshe told me I was good.

Finally I’d graduated! In the days, weeks,and months that followed, I brought mynewfound confidence into my relationships,and now it carried all the way through to the

333/415

bedroom. The most important thing that Irealized was that potentially embarrassingissues could be overcome if I confrontedthem directly. It’s a lesson that was import-ant for me to learn and one that I hope youkeep in mind as you go on your own journey.

334/415

8. The Day Game

You’ve now got a system for approachingand seducing a woman at nighttime—a sys-tem that will serve you well. However, youare not always in a bar or club when the wo-man of your dreams passes you by. In orderto have total choice of women and the max-imum amount of opportunity, it’s importantfor you to understand how to meet womenduring the daytime, and how to maximizethose encounters.

Day game and night game are different,and you’ll probably prefer one or the other.There are benefits and drawbacks to each.

Day game takes you outside of bars and clubsand into streets, shops, the gym, publictransportation, etc. Day game allows you toapproach girls who are on their own (as theyprobably won’t be at night!) and who aren’tused to getting hit on—at least, not in thesedaytime situations. That means they won’tbe armed with what I rather callously, buthonestly, call “bitchshields.”

In other words: you’ll be getting the realperson.

Most people, both men and women, have apersona that they adopt in a club or a bar.Because with day game you’re both sober, onyour own, and being yourselves, any contactnumber you get in the daytime is usuallypretty solid. Girls often flake on club numbercloses because either they were drunk whenthey gave the number or they don’t like theidea of meeting a guy in a bar. Daytime ap-proaches are the opposite: they’re actuallyromantic, and a woman feels better telling

336/415

her friends that she’s meeting “the guy whochatted me up in the post office” than tellingthem about “the guy I met in a bar on Fridaynight.” There are also lots of attractive girlswho avoid going out at night because theydon’t like nasty men groping them, don’t likeloud music, or just prefer to do other things.If you want to meet a nice girlfriend whowon’t cheat on you and isn’t a party girl wholikes getting drunk, day game is the way togo.

A Complete System for Day Game

The problem with day game is that the girlsyou approach will be more difficult to hook.Girls in the daytime are doing something;they’re on their way somewhere, waiting forsomeone, buying something, or doing theirworkout. In the evening you can open anygroup standing around in a bar, and holding

337/415

them for a minute or two shouldn’t be toomuch of a problem. On the other hand, a girlwalking in the street at midday will stop foryou only if you’ve got a very good reason(asking if you should dye your hair—that oldbar standby—generally won’t cut it!), and itwill take a lot for you to distract her fromwhatever she’s doing.

Day game is a more advanced skill becauseit works best when you can use somethingspontaneous and situational to start the con-versation. Canned material, opinion openers,routines, and magic tricks seem a little weirdin the day. In other words, day game is reallymore about your natural conversationalskills and personality. One of its biggestdrawbacks is that it’s difficult to kino-escal-ate. A one-minute kiss close in the daytime isan advanced-level skill.

When you start day game, expect it to betougher to get a good response immediatelyafter your opener. Remember, these women

338/415

are on their lunch break; they’re catching atrain; they’re shopping. It’s not like in a bar,where at most they’re having a conversationwith friends. It’s not a sociable environment;they’re not hoping or expecting to get pickedup.

So don’t expect to be greeted with a happy,smiling face when you open your mouth. Youmight very well have to work for a fewminutes to warm things up and get a womanto commit to the interaction. It doesn’t meanthat she’s rude. You’d probably do the samething if you were in her shoes. On a girlstanding still, it’s fine to use an opinionopener—it’s easier to hook, and harder forher to completely ignore you. But if you’restopping a moving woman, it’s tough be-cause she’s already engaged in somethingother than you.

In fact, stopping a woman already engagedin motion is the hardest day-game skill of allto pull off. If you find yourself in this

339/415

situation—if you see a woman whose lookscall out to you as she strides along—you needto communicate your intent when she’sabout ten to twelve feet away. You can dothis in various ways:

Make eye contact with her.

Make a curious face, as if you’re goingto ask her something.

Lift the palm of your hand toward her,slightly above waist height, to subtlyshow her a “stop” sign.

If you wait until she’s within two or threefeet to do any of these things, she won’t stopbecause her guard will be up. You need to

340/415

deliver your opener when she’s farther away,to give her time to stop before she passesyou.

Further tips:

You definitely need a pre-opener. Use“Hey” or something similar, and not“Excuse me,” because you don’t wanther to think you want something fromher (as a street beggar would).

Don’t go too quickly into your opener. Ifpossible, get her to stop walking as yousay, “Hey… I need to ask you a quickquestion.” If you segue quickly intoyour opener, it’s more likely she’llkeep walking as she listens and thenjust throw you a quick answer over hershoulder.

341/415

Your goal during day game is to fill thefirst minute with statement-based elabora-tion on the opener or a similar subject, andthen make the interaction increasingly morepersonal.

Staying on the opening subject for too longafter this will make the interaction go stale,and it will get harder and harder to keepthings interesting and to make a transition.As soon as you’ve got her committed to theinteraction, get off the opening subject.

Day-Game Progression

342/415

Once she’s invested in the interaction, it’stime to take it personal. This can be done byintroducing yourself, asking what she’s up to,and using other questions to elicit informa-tion about her. This part of the conversationshould still be structured correctly (as de-scribed in the discussion of night game), so

343/415

that there’s an attempt to connect ratherthan simply asking question after question.

The next task is to go for the number close.The way you do this is to connect with herabout an activity. Some examples:

You: Do you like dancing?

Her: Yes.

You: Have you tried salsa?

Her: No. I want to, though.

You: Oh, well—I go to this great salsaclass on Wednesdays. You should come!

Her: Yeah, sounds good.

You: Okay, give me your number andI’ll text you the details.

Or…

344/415

You: What do you like doing when youaren’t working?

Her: Mmm…visiting art galleries andstuff like that.

You: Cool. Have you been to the newMichelangelo exhibition at the museum?

Her: Not yet, but I’ve been meaning togo.

You: Well, I was going to check it outsometime soon too; let’s go together.

Her: All right. Great.

You: I could do Tuesday or Friday af-ternoon—is either one any good for you?

Her: I’m free on Friday.

You: Cool, let’s do it. What’s the bestway to get in touch with you?

345/415

Her: I’ll give you my number.

Or…

You: Do you go out to clubs?

Her: Yeah, sometimes.

You: I get invited to some really goodparties. You should come out with ussometime—bring your friends too.

Her: Yeah, okay.

You: Cool. Well, give me your numberand I’ll be in touch closer to theweekend.

Or…

You: What are you up to?

Her: Shopping.

346/415

You: Do you know your stuff when itcomes to fashion?

Her: Definitely!

You: Well, I was hanging out with afashion consultant recently and she gaveme some great ideas. Next time you’reout shopping, I could join you for anhour and you could help me get somenew clothes.

Her: All right.

You: Cool, let me take your number andwe can arrange it.

Sometimes it might not happen sosmoothly—in other words, the close mightnot arise from the conversation naturally. Inthat case, you could use a hook from earlierto close later. For example, you could find

347/415

out that she likes shopping, art galleries, andsushi in the first two minutes; and then, fiveminutes later, you could use any of thesethings to lead smoothly into the close. Theintervening time is spent developing astronger connection, or just increasing hercomfort (and thus the likelihood of gettingher number).

Example: Complete Day-Game Pickup

The following is an example of a day-gamepickup from open to close, with a range ofvarious possible answers covered. Remem-ber that this is a guideline; ideally, there willbe room for banter, or for the conversationto go in a different direction. This is princip-ally an example of structure and the fact that,regardless of what a girl says in response toyour opener, you can still continue thepickup and close.

348/415

Day-Game Number Closing

A lot of guys ask me things like, “How longshould I stay in an interaction?” and “Howdo you get a number close in the daytime?”The first question should answer itself: youstay until you feel you have enough mutualconnection/attraction that she’ll want to seeyou again. Generally, a solid close will needten minutes in the daytime, but you could beas fast as three minutes. The idea is that youopen and, as soon as she commits to the in-teraction, you switch into connecting modeand moving toward the number close.

It’s important to note that the point atwhich you can get a number close is not thesame as the point where you can get a datewith the girl. She might willingly give you hernumber, but then—as with some women youmeet at night—flake on the date. There aredifferent levels you can get to:

349/415

Hey, do you know where Trafalgar Square is?

(Question asked of two young women in London)

350/415

351/415

Do you guys like to go to clubs?Okay, cool. Well, I’m meeting my friend laterand I think we’re going to a party someplace.I’m not sure where it is, but it sounded cool

when he told me. You should definitelycome.

(At this point, assess receptivity. Are they upfor coming or not? If they are…)

Cool, well give me your number and I’ll textyou the details after I meet him.

Hook point. She’s comfortable talking toyou and commits to doing so for atleast a short time.

Email close point. She doesn’t feel com-fortable giving her number but is happyfor you to have her email address. Shemight also take your number when yousuggest taking hers.

352/415

Number close point. She responds posit-ively to the number close suggestion.

Date close point. This is where she’s en-thusiastic about meeting you for a date,to the point of chasing after and tryingto close you, or is showing a lot of“IOIs” (a.k.a. indications of herinterest).

The question is, What can you do, if youget only as far as a number close, to makesure you can line up a date? Some guys con-vert only 10 percent of their numbers intodates; others are closer to 100 percent—andthat’s of course where you want to be.

When you’re going for a close, there’s achecklist of things that will show you howlikely it is that you’ll convert into a date:

353/415

You arrange a date/next meeting thereand then, for a specific activity on aspecific day at a specific time andplace.

She takes your number after you takehers, or calls herself from your phone.

There are some IOIs and attraction onher side.

She asks if you always do this (pickingup women in the street), if you’resingle, or some other verbal IOI.

You know that, when she’s challengedby her friends to tell them about youlater, she knows enough good things

354/415

about you to paint you in a positivelight.

She’s sure enough about you to contra-dict her friends if they say it’s a badidea to meet. This means putting in thetime to make a solid connection.

If you can check off all these items, you’rein a very solid position, and the likelihoodthat she will flake is low. To minimize thatlikelihood even further, try to make sure thatyour follow-up game is as solid as possible. Itwill help your success rate to spend sometime with the next chapter, which focuses onthe matter of follow-up.

There are different levels of number clos-ing in day game as in night, and this may res-ult in a massive variable in your success rate.Asking a girl to meet you for dinner createsmuch more pressure than inviting her out to

355/415

a party with her friends; therefore, you’llneed to put in a lot less work if you’re justtrying to get her to a party.

There’s a filter that applies like this: whenshe’s sitting at home with her friends andyou text her, how happy is she going to be toreceive that text, and what will her friendssay about the upcoming date? If you’ve spentjust five minutes with her, the chance thatshe’ll meet you one on one is slimmer thanthat of her going to a party with you and herfriends. If you instant-dated her at your firstmeeting and spent an hour with her already,then the one-on-one meeting is a lot morelikely. There’s no benefit to rushing the close,and the contact number you get doesn’tmean much if it isn’t solid.

Additional Resource

356/415

If you want to see for yourself how day gameis done, then you’re going to want to checkout our new advanced day-game video pro-gram. It contains over ten hours of live “in-field footage” where we show you actual ap-proaches and then break them down for youstep-by-step. For more information on theprogram go to the following URL: www.puat-raining.com/daygame.

Day Game: Your Best Bet for a Nice Girl

With a one-on-one student, I was trainingone day in Trafalgar Square, London. I wasgetting the student to do some approacheswhen a very cute girl walked past, about fiveyards away; I waved and she waved back. Fora minute or so I debated whether to go afterher or not. When she slowed down to type atext message, I took that as my sign and ranafter her. I told her exactly what I was

357/415

thinking—that I hadn’t been going to runafter her, but then she slowed right downand I just had to. I chatted about the Nation-al Gallery, why she wasn’t at work in the day-time, and other small talk. Then I said I’d leftmy friend alone and should get back to him,but that we must meet up. Her name wasMelissa. I took her number and tentativelyset something up for two days later. The stu-dent was impressed, and I was very happy toget such a fast number close.

I called Melissa later and we arranged toget together in the evening. We met at a sub-way station and I took her to a local bar. Des-pite my growing experience, I hadn’t knownthat it was possible to have a date like this orto meet someone like her. She listened towhat I had to say and asked penetratingquestions that showed she was listening in-tently, really wanted to know more, and wasvery intelligent. That kind of tuned-in listen-ing is something I do too when I’m really

358/415

interested in someone, and it was an amaz-ing situation. Within a couple of hours, wegot to know each other at a deep level thatreally should have taken months. It turnedout to be the best date I’ve ever had, and themost intense connection I’ve ever had with agirl. Since that day I’ve always emphasizedthat there are some girls who never go toclubs and who you can meet only in the day-time. If you never do day game, you’ll neverhave a chance to meet these gems.

359/415

9. The Follow-Up Game

How to Keep WomenInterested After a NumberClose

Getting a number close is a great accom-plishment. As we’ve seen, though, it’s noguarantee of an actual date—and certainly noguarantee that you’ll see action later. Thingsaren’t entirely out of your hands, however;how you conduct yourself in the follow-upwill in large part determine a girl’s response.

Let’s look at some of the options you havefor communicating during follow-up—andthe advantages and dangers of each.

Text Game

Questions about texting a girl come up timeand time again when I’m training guys. Iused to be the worst possible texter, withmost of my numbers flaking. Now my textgame is very solid; it doesn’t ever let medown.

Text game is actually pretty simple, and ifyou follow my rules for texting you shouldnotice a big difference right away. If youdon’t want that prized number to turn into aflake, pay attention:

Use only one question mark permessage.

361/415

Your messages, unless scripted, shouldbe shorter than hers.

Use a “fire-and-forget” strategy—sendthe message, put the phone down, andgo do something else.

If she texts you back, take your time be-fore responding. Don’t rush right overto the phone. Take at least as long toreply as she did.

When you write a message, leave it as adraft for ten minutes; then go back andread it again—and make sure it’s notembarrassing!

362/415

If she asks a question (like “How’s it go-ing?”) to which you can give only aboring response—don’t answer it.

If she asks multiple questions, don’t an-swer them all.

The best time to send a text message iswhen you’re busy or on your waysomewhere. It shouldn’t look like youspent too long thinking about what tosay. It should look like you finally gotaround to it and are answeringnonchalantly.

Don’t use xoxo’s or smiley faces…ever!Even if she does.

363/415

Never send two texts in a row withinforty-eight hours without a response.

If she doesn’t reply, wait at least fivedays before trying again.

Don’t try to arrange the date on the firsttext; this is usually instant death!

Finally, for examples of actual text mes-sages that you can send, go to www.puatrain-ing.com/textgame.

Phone Game

Some guys prefer getting on the phone. Myfriend and longtime wingman Anthony P. isone of those. But it’s a lot tougher to talk to

364/415

someone when you aren’t face-to-face, sowhen you get her number, it needs to be assolid as possible.

If you call after a number close and she an-swers enthusiastically—it’s on. With a coupleof minutes’ chat, you can probably set up adate pretty easily. If you call and she’s a bitcold or noncommittal—“Who? Oh yeah… Iremember … umm…hi”—try to be as inter-esting as possible. Tell a story, talk aboutcool things that are happening, and then endthe call before she does. In this circum-stance, do not try to arrange a date. Leave ita few days and call again. Keep doing thisuntil you call and she seems genuinely re-ceptive. She’ll wonder why you haven’t askedher out, so just keep building her interest;then you know she’ll say yes when you finallyask.

Here’s how you should structure yourphone game. Once you’ve finished up the

365/415

greeting and you sense that she’s receptive,try a few of the following:

Reestablish initial connection—use call-back humor, making her laugh again atthe same things as during your interac-tion, or show her that you rememberthings she told you. (How was the tripto the zoo with your nephew?)

Get her into a positive state and ensurethat she feels comfortable. A firstphone call after a nighttime numberclose will not feel immediately com-fortable; it will take some effort onyour part.

Get a sense of her plans for the nextweek.

366/415

Suggest something you can do together.

Arrange the logistics and settle the date.

Talk for a little longer, and then end thecall first.

If you call and get voicemail, it’s usuallybetter to hang up and send a text. If you doleave a message, make it quick so you endthe call before the recording time runs out. Ifyou plan on calling her back in three days,don’t tell her, “I’ll call you in three days.”Just say or text her something short andsweet like, “Okay, talk to you soon.” Leaveher wondering when and if.

The best time to call is when you’re onyour way to a date, when you’re on a highafter a successful day at work, or whenyou’ve just had some good gaming results.

367/415

You will naturally sub-communicate attract-ive qualities (you’re busy, you’re high-en-ergy, you have choices, you’re not needy oroutcome-dependent) that are very tough tofake.

Don’t plan the call for three hours andmake it from your bedroom in total silence.It’s better to be walking down the street oron your way somewhere. If you sense thatshe’s about to wind up the call, head her offat the pass and say that you’d better go. It’sall about maintaining control.

Facebook Game

Lot’s of guys like to try to game online, butnot me. I don’t think it’s the way to improveyour game skills, because it keeps you withinyour comfort zone and it takes up a surpris-ing amount of time. It’s also virtually

368/415

anonymous, so people never really know whoit is they’re dealing with.

I do use Facebook, though, and when younumber close a girl via FB there are differentlevels of connection:

It’s so solid that you know you’ll see heragain.

You think you’ll see her again, but thereis potential for her to flake.

You’re not in a position to get a verysolid close.

If you close the girl and then add her as afriend on Facebook, something interestingwill happen and you will need to beprepared.

369/415

First, you need a good profile picture. Mypage has photographs of me from all over theworld, with hot girls, with a bunch of martialarts black belts (they were my cousin’s belts),with a cute dog, flying a plane, etc. Trust me,your new “friends” are definitely going tolook through all this from time to time, espe-cially when you add new photographs. So dothis fairly often, because it will help to createmore intrigue and interest. It’s somethingthat I’ve learned to do, with much success.

Over a couple of weeks, my new girl seeswhen I add new photos, new friends, etc.Now, even though we haven’t had our firstdate yet, we’re almost a social circle! She seesmy face every day when she logs in on herfriends list. She knows what I’m up to. It’sbetter and more efficient than a daily text.After a few days, she’s primed for some dir-ect Facebook messages or maybe even an in-vitation to a “safe” event like a night out witha bunch of other people from Facebook.

370/415

Often she’ll even initiate that contact. WhileI’ve received notably varying responses fromgirls that I have closed and added to Face-book, the technique is definitely fun andworth adding to your repertoire.

371/415

10. Commonly AskedQuestions

We’ve been through all the steps of an ef-fective pickup and you’re just about ready togo out on your own—as a natural at attract-ing women. Before you do, let me try to anti-cipate some lingering questions you mighthave.

What’s the right way to use a wingman?

I talked a bit earlier about having a wing-man. “Winging” is what I call it when you’reworking together with a friend to meet girls.That collaboration can greatly increase yourchances. If you’re alone you can approachlone girls, and you can approach groups totry to isolate a particular girl. But it cansometimes be tricky, especially when you’refirst starting out. On the other hand, if you’rewith a wing, when you approach a pair ofgirls you can isolate almost immediately anddon’t have to hold a large group for a longtime. Together you should achieve more. So-metimes one of you will have to talk to girlsyou’re not attracted to so as to allow the oth-er one his opportunity, but it all balancesout.

There are various ways to wing together.Some of the best approaches are these:

“Spontaneous” involvement. Both of youstand near the girls, having fun togetherand reacting to what each other says.

373/415

Then open the girls, seemingly spontan-eously. In the following example, thefirst sentence is said (loudly enough tobe overheard by the girls), while thesecond includes the group: “No way!Hey guys, do I look gay? He just said Ilook gay in this shirt!”

Tag-teaming. One of you approachesand opens the whole group; the otherwanders in once the group is hooked. Ifit’s a pair of girls, you can both isolate.With a bigger group, one guy shouldtake on the group while the other oneisolates the girl he’s interested in. Thiscould be either the guy who opened orthe one who comes in later. With amixed group, I find it’s best for the firstof you to open the guys first and makefriends with them; while this is goingon, the wing comes in and takes the girl.

374/415

Accomplishment intros. “This is myfriend; he has the coolest job—he livesand works at the bottom of the sea, re-pairing oil platforms!” What you’re do-ing is making your friend sound cool insome way. If he did that himself, itwould be bragging, but if you do it it’sfine.

Where’s Michelle? A pickup artist Iknow called “Toe Cutter” came up withthis one. It’s a way of making sure youhave your wingman when you need himand don’t have him when he would justget in the way. The wing comes into agroup you’re already part of and asks ifyou’ve seen Michelle. You say you thinkshe’s over there and point in some direc-tion. He turns to leave; if you want himin the interaction, you pull him back inand introduce him. If not, you let himgo.

375/415

Code words. You can work out codewords with your wing: for example, forlocation changing (“I like this song”),taking the girls home (“Want somegum?”), and identifying your girl (“Thisone is trouble”).

While clubbing with a wingman can begreat fun, it’s important to have fun withyour wing(s) in a nonclub environment too.Do competitive fun activities togeth-er—sports, games, arcading, bowling. Har-ness upbeat, high energy. If your only con-nection is skulking around looking forchicks, your relationship won’t be as inter-esting—or as useful with women. Find somestories to tell, have loads of fun, and thenbring the party to the location.

376/415

What if she says she has a boyfriend?

In your mission to attract, you’re going to getplenty of objections from girls. How you dealwith these is very important. Many objec-tions are just tests to see if you’re enough ofa man. Women are looking more for your at-titude here than what you say. After lookingat the examples that follow, you can developthe right mental frame to come up with yourown objection responses.

Sample Responses

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

You: Cool, he can make us breakfast inbed.

Or…

377/415

You: You’ve got a bore-friend?

Or…

You: Good, it’ll give you something todo when I’m busy.

Or…

You: Excellent, he can hang out withmy girlfriend when we’re together.

Or…

You: Nice. Anyway … (Continueseduction.)

I should add the disclaimer here that youshouldn’t mess up people’s relationshipslightly. You’d be treading on dangerousground. I personally haven’t messed up agood relationship, and there are no girls out

378/415

there who hate me for breaking their heart.My morals mean I get laid less than I mightotherwise, but I can genuinely say I love wo-men and don’t want to hurt themunnecessarily.

Types of Girls with Boyfriends

The first type of girl who raises the boy-friend objection acts like she’s single,even if she says yes when you ask if shehas a boyfriend. If despite her verbal re-sponse she’s grinding on you, expressinginterest, and showing no compunctionwhatsoever about flirting, she’s obvi-ously not in a relationship that she seri-ously cares about.

The second type shows signs of interestbut seems kind of torn. She often actsnervous and unpredictable; that’s

379/415

because she wants you but doesn’t reallywant to cheat. This girl is not in anamazing relationship, but she likes theguy and has morals. She can easily bepersuaded to develop the interactionwith you if you slowly build comfort andstay far away from the subject. If youtake things further with this girl, youneed to consider whether you’re doingthe right thing, because, unlike girlnumber one, she probably wouldn’tcheat with just any guy.

The third type is the rarest of them all.In fact, it took me a few hundred ap-proaches before I encountered this kindof girl. She has fun with you and laughsa lot, and together you have a great in-teraction. But there’s absolutely nosexual tension or indication of interest.She’s not looking at you in that way atall; you might as well be gay or a girl.The reason she can hold herself apart

380/415

like this is that she’s in a very solid rela-tionship. She knows that no man canshow her more in thirty minutes thanher boyfriend has in the months or yearsthat they’ve been together. Even ifyou’re better looking, funnier, andeverything she’s looking for, she’s justnot thinking along those lines at all. Thisis a very nice girl; you want one like thisfor yourself when you develop a properrelationship. They’re rare, as I men-tioned; you won’t find many in clubs.

How do I get into an exclusive club?

Okay, so you can get into the semi-exclusiveclubs and you can get into the places whereyou know someone. But how do you get intothe bigger scenes, like the celebrity after-parties? The first thing to know about these

381/415

things is that there are some normal dudes inthese places; the guests aren’t only models,millionaires, and celebrities. The owners andmanagers at the club will have some guest-list power, and often so will important pro-moters. But let’s assume you know none ofthese people.

So how do you get in? Here are my foursecret methods revealed:

The gal with the clipboard is at the door.You approach and give her the name ofBen Harris “plus one”—and you’re the“one.” She checks her list, and whileshe’s doing that you take a surreptitiouslook at that list. She finally says you’renot on it, of course. You step aside andmake a quick call on your cell phone,then go back and tell her it’s actuallyJohn Doe—a name that you just saw onthe list. This one works in limited cases.

382/415

You’re near the entrance, but not in line,and the clipboard gal is facing the line,meaning she’s at a ninety-degree angleto the street. If you go to the door, you’llbe asked what you want or told to go tothe back of the line or to move away. Butif you go toward the door while pretend-ing to be on your cell phone, you mightbe able to get far enough past her to seeover her shoulder. So get on the phoneand go up to where she is and take aquick look at her guest list. Spy somenames; then get in the line and use oneof them.

Many nightclubs use marker pens tomark people who go out to smoke. Youcan buy an ultraviolet pen or whateverthey use at that particular club on eBay.Hang around the entrance (using thecell phone trick) when people go out tosmoke, and see if you can figure outwhat mark or letter the club is putting

383/415

on hands. Go away and put the mark onyour hand; then hang around outside fora bit before going in. This works best atpeak times, when club employees areswamped. If the club is using a stamp,try getting someone to press their handagainst yours to transfer it.

This method is the nastiest. You get inthe line and start moving forward. Whenyou’re about three minutes from goinginside, ask a friendly person in line tokeep your place. Walk toward the backwhile seeming to write a text message.Pick a guy and look at him, surprised.“Hey Matt, how you doing?” “I’m notMatt,” he says. “Really? What’s yourname; I’m sure I’ve met you!” “Will.”“Hmm—Will, maybe.

What’s your surname?” “Fraser.” “Youknow what? The connection will comeback to me. I definitely know you from

384/415

someplace. I never forget a face. I’ll seeyou inside.” Finish your text and thenget back in the line; and when she asksyour name, you’re Will Fraser. Don’t feeltoo bad about Will: he’ll get in too, evenif he’s questioned, because he’ll have theproper ID!

How do you walk up to a girl in a cluband kiss her instantly?

I started trying this about a year into mygaming, but it took a long time for it to hap-pen successfully. It took me many moremonths to figure out what I was doing sothat I could teach it to other people.

This is one skill that definitely belongs inthe advanced-skills section, because it’s diffi-cult and has certain prerequisites. You can’t

385/415

run before you can walk, and you can’t in-stantkiss close until you can:

Force an IOI and go in directly followinga positive response.

Create sexual tension and escalatesmoothly to the kiss in less than fifteenminutes.

Once you can do the above, the process forthe instant-kiss close (a.k.a. k-close) is relat-ively straightforward. Here’s what you do:

Identify the girl you’re attracted to.

Make eye contact; look at her like youwant her and walk directly toward her,slowly and smoothly.

As you get right up close to her, take herhand, run your fingers through her hair,

386/415

and slowly and confidently move in forthe kiss.

The reason this works is because you’recreating sexual tension from a distance, us-ing seductive eye contact. When you thenwalk directly toward her, she’s forced toeither accept (hold eye contact) or reject(break eye contact). You must be walkingdirectly, however; otherwise the fact that sheholds eye contact doesn’t tell you anything.You must do it slowly to create the sexualvibe—the rhythm of sexual tension is slowerand smoother than normal movement. Sogood luck!

To see this technique in action, go towww.puatraining.com/instantkiss.

Do you use online dating?

387/415

I haven’t put much energy into online dating.I’ve met only one girl via the Internet andwould rather focus on live situations. This,however, is just me. I love the game of seduc-tion, and for me the online version seems abit watered down. When you gain commandof the skills described in this book, my suspi-cion is that you will feel the same way.

Having said that, I do get a lot of questionsabout online dating, so I’ve taken the time tobuild a killer profile that works like crazy. Ituses the principles of the natural art of se-duction to draw women in, and I’ve had stu-dents use it to land very hot chicks. Here’sthe profile of your desired woman:

She knows what she wants and isn’tafraid to go for it; she likes her man tobe a man but still be able to show hisemotions. Balance is important to her;she works hard enough but her jobdoesn’t consume all her energy. She en-joys the nice things in life, but is also

388/415

spiritual and doesn’t get fully caught upin the quest for material goods. Shewants a man in her life, but doesn’t needone. She knows that she and her manwill be worth more together than apart.She enjoys the simple things in life butcan also be spontaneous. She likes totravel to far-off places, relax on sandybeaches under a hot sun, and then cooloff in the sea, but she also likes thehustle and bustle of a busy city. Thiscontrast and balance are part of hercharacter. She is centered and content,but being with people that she caresabout is important to her. She is kindand considerate and would like to be hernaturally caring self with people whohave earned her trust. She wants a manwho understands her—one she doesn’tneed to tell what she wants, but who justknows. A man who can be the closestperson to her, to help her make

389/415

decisions, and to always be there and of-fer her his strength when she needs it.She doesn’t expect to find him rightaway, but she’ll know when she does.

You’ll see that it says nothing about you;there’s no point, because everyone will besaying the same thing, so it’s impossible tostand out. By talking about her, you makethe profile more engaging. (As I said earlier,women are more interested in hearing aboutthemselves than listening to your story.) Fur-thermore, you’re qualifying her, and challen-ging her all the way through. If she reachesthe end of the paragraph and thinks shemeasures up, she’ll want to claim her “prize,”which can only mean contacting you.

My other dating profile was a lot shorterbut still got lots of responses: “Be careful:I’m trouble!”

390/415

Conclusion

My journey over the past five years hasbeen turbulent, full of emotional ups anddowns, but I’m incredibly thankful for it.Each month saw new challenges, situationsthat scared me, and changes taking placewithin me. I wasn’t always sure that I was onthe right path. I didn’t know whether Ishould change so many aspects of myself. Attimes I thought I might be becoming strange,and at other times I worried about becomingoverly cocky and arrogant. In the end, I man-aged to find balance and peace, and for therest of my life I’ll be able to look back at what

I was like before and be happy for makingthe choice to take action.

In the preceding pages I’ve laid out aroadmap for you, so that you can achieveyour goals a lot quicker than I could. Somethings that I did by accident you can do con-sciously. Mistakes I made and outline hereyou never need to make.

Before leaving you to start the process ofbecoming the best man you can be, I want togive you two very powerful final pieces of ad-vice—advice that will all but assure yoursuccess.

People often ask me, “What’s the one thingthat helped you the most?” It’s a tough ques-tion, but I can identify two things that en-sured the success of my journey.

Observing Naturals to Learn Their Skills

392/415

The first is that as soon as I decided to im-prove this area of my life, I forced myself toseek out and learn from people who werebetter with women than I was. Rather thansocializing with people just like me—nervousguys who were inept socially and inexperi-enced with women—I found the top tenth ofa percent, and I spent as much time ob-serving them as possible.

I never had a guide, someone to tell mewhat to do at every step. I did, however, havethese role models in the form of the people Isought out and became friends with. Peoplelike Steve and Alex. Steve is a natural withwomen and the greatest seducer I’ve everseen. Over and over again I’ve watched himpick his favorite girl, approach her withoutrejection, and within minutes be kissingher—and then leave the club with her. Hehas no idea how he does what he does—he’sa true natural—but I learned a great dealfrom watching.

393/415

Soon after meeting Steve, I took a tripacross Europe, visiting thirteen countriesover two months, and I came back a differentman. I suddenly had the perspective of aman who had slept with countless women,rather than the limiting beliefs that I’d hadjust months before. The things that Steve didin nightclubs, the way he seduced women, Istarted doing almost unconsciously. Now Iteach my students how to do the same exactthings and how to get the same results thatSteve got.

One night I saw a guy in a club. He stoodout for me because he was surrounded by hotwomen. I’d been gaming for a year by thispoint, and usually in this situation wouldhave tried to steal his girls or make him lookbad in some way. That night I so admired hiswork that I actually decided to talk to him.Alex Kay is his name, and we became bestfriends.

394/415

Alex is a social superstar who can makeanyone like him within minutes of meetinghim. He has a huge social network and is theopposite of me: he’s a natural extrovert, in-credibly funny, and loves the spotlight. Afterwe’d been friends for a few months, I wenton a date with a girl; and at one point in theevening she said she’d been laughing somuch that her stomach hurt. I realized thatby spending so much time with Alex, I’d be-come funny. I’d changed from the boring guygirls didn’t want to see again to a guy who al-ways had incredible first dates and greatconversations with women he’d just met.

The lesson: Surround yourself with peoplewho have skills that you lack; learn fromthem and absorb their talents.

395/415

Seizing Opportunities as They PresentThemselves

The other thing that helped me the most hasbeen my ability to take action. Over the pastfive years I have been presented with innu-merable situations that ranged from scary todownright terrifying. Things like:

Speaking in front of seven hundredpeople

Going on live prime-time television tobe interviewed by a sharp, smart-asshost

Approaching women in the street infront of skeptical journalists

396/415

Going to a super-high-end nightclub forthe very first time

Approaching groups of five to fifteenwomen while whole bootcamps of stu-dents watched

Moving to a new city where I didn’tknow anyone

Approaching the most beautiful womanI’ve ever seen—at a bus stop!

A funny thing happened when I startedtaking action. It used to take me hours oreven months to pluck up the courage to dosomething; now I actually seek out scarythings and commit to them right away. I re-cognize that feeling in my stomach that held

397/415

me back for so many years. Now I have somuch evidence of feeling that feeling, takingaction, and thereby improving my life thatnow I actually enjoy feeling it. It means I’mgoing to learn something—probablysomething that will greatly enhance my life.The good news now is that not very muchscares me; I’m comfortable in pretty muchany situation.

The lesson: Take action whenever itpresents itself, whether agreeing to go out toa party even if you’re tired, to signing up fora class, to doing something drastic like mov-ing to another city or country.

398/415

A Letter from Richard

Dear Reader:Congratulations! You’ve made it to the end

of this book, and that’s something youshould be proud of. Now the real workbegins.

I’ve showed you the path. It’s up to you totake your first steps forward.

Ralph Waldo Emerson famously said, “Dothe thing; have the power.” In my opinion,truer words have never been spoken. Andwhile I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this

book, my greater hope for you is that you willtake action on what you’ve learned to bringyou the life you want with the women youwant.

From personal experience, I can assureyou that just studying won’t give you whatyou want. Sure, it’s a great way to start, but ifyou want to achieve radical success with wo-men… If you want to get this area of your lifecompletely handled … it’s going to be the ac-tion steps from this day forward that determ-ine your future.

In chapter 2, “The Attraction,” we got tothe root of what causes women to feel attrac-tion and discussed the steps you need to taketo ensure that you’re sending the right sig-nals to women—signals that do in fact triggerattraction. We also laid out a series of actionsteps, including belief change exercises, stateconditioning, body language recalibration,and more. I urge you: do the exercises I’velaid out for you. I have included them in this

400/415

book for a reason—they worked for me andchanged my life. I want the same for you.

In chapter 3, “The Seduction,” we reallyturned up the heat and dived headfirst intothe art of becoming a natural with women. Inthat chapter and those that followed, I de-livered more techniques and tactics than wasprobably sane or reasonable—but I did it be-cause I want you to be armed with the best ofthe best material when you get out there.Which brings me to my next point…

Actually get out there! I know it can bescary. I know the negative voices can creepinto your head and try to discourage you. Butplease don’t listen to them. Pick a few days aweek and commit to going out. At first, justcommit to something as simple as physicallywalking into a social gathering where womenare present. Then, once you feel comfortablewith that, make the next step and do yourfirst approach. As time goes on, put one footin front of the other and remember to never

401/415

give up. I can assure you, your situation isnowhere near as bad as mine was, and yettoday I have everything I’ve ever wanted inmy life when it comes to women. And I haveit all because I refused to give up. I encour-age you to follow in my footsteps.

Okay, that about does it for now. On thenext page we have some information on thetraining programs we run all across theworld, if you’d like to train with us live.

Until then, thank you so much for takingthe time to read this book!

I wish you extraordinary success with wo-men from this day forward, and I look for-ward to meeting you in person soon.

Cheers,Richard La Ruina

402/415

Resources

At PUA Training, we offer a number ofcoaching programs for men who want to be-come naturals at interacting effectively withwomen:

The Weekend Bootcamp

The world-famous PUA Training bootcampwill transform your life forever. In this high-intensity program, you will spend the entireweekend with my team of Master Pickup

Coaches as we go over the entire system fromstart to finish and then hit the “field” for livepickup sessions during both daytime andnight. Watch as master instructors show youhow it’s done before your very eyes; then putyour new skills to work under the watchfuleye of a coach. Nothing in the world com-pares to live in-field training with the pros!These programs run all across North Amer-ica. For details and the upcoming schedulego to www.puatraining.com/livetraining.

The Seven-Day Platinum Residential Intensive

This program is the definition of intensity!Come live with our team for seven days andgo through our intense in-field immersionexperience. You will eat, sleep, and breathepickup, and by the end of the program you’llbe a natural—a pickup powerhouse. You willbe training with us one on one for the

404/415

duration of the program, and the entire cur-riculum is customized for you. Want totaltransformation? This is the program for you.Admittance to this program is by applicationonly. For more details go to www.puatrain-ing.com/platinum.

Master Pickup Artist Phone Coaching

Work one on one with a coach who will helpguide and mentor you through whateverchallenges in the game you may be facing.Have some questions about what you’ve readin this book or watched on the Internet?Having trouble getting past specific “stickingpoints” and need specific advice? Wantsomeone to help you set goals and hold your-self accountable? Phone coaching may be theright option for you. For more details, go towww.puatraining.com/phonecoaching.

405/415

About the Author

Richard La Ruina is a London-based in-ternationally renowned pickup artist andcoach. In 2007 he founded PUA Training,which now consists of five websites, popularweekend seminars, and boot camps aroundthe world. La Ruina has been featured onBBC and ITV, as well as in Men’s Health, theEvening Standard, Cosmopolitan, andmore. La Ruina is a sought-after guest speak-er at seduction conferences worldwide. Visithim online at www.puatraining.com.

Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusiveinformation on your favorite HarperCollinsauthors and artists.

407/415

Praise

“The UK’s No. 1 Superstar Chat UpArtist.”—The Times (London)

“The urge to compare him to Hitch is uncontrol-lable…. He’s white and not quite as famous asWill Smith. What he is, is more successful with

women.”—FHM.com

Credits

Cover design: Faceout Studios, Jeff Miller.

Copyright

Images used in this book are from the author and are used

by permission.

THE NATURAL: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women

You Want. Copyright © 2012 by Richard La Ruina. All

rights reserved under International and Pan-American

Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees,

you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable

right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen.

No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted,

downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in

or introduced into any information storage and retrieval

system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or

mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without

the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

HarperCollins website: http://www.harpercollins.com

HarperCollins®, ®, and HarperOne™ are trademarks

of HarperCollins Publishers.

FIRST EDITION

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

La Ruina, Richard.

The natural: how to effortlessly attract the women you

want / Richard La Ruina.—1st ed.

p.cm.

ISBN 978–0–06–208978–6

EPub Edition © JANUARY 2012 ISBN 9780062098603

1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Dating (Social cus-

toms) 3. Seduction. I. Title.

HQ801.L268 2012

411/415

646.7’8—dc23 2011023567

12 13 14 15 16 RRD(H) 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

412/415

About the Publisher

AustraliaHarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pvt.Ltd.25 Ryde Road (P.O. Box 321)Pymble, NSW 2073, Australiawww.harpercollins.com.au

CanadaHarperCollins Canada2 Bloor Street East - 20th FloorToronto, ON, M4W, 1A8, Canadahttp://www.harpercollins.ca

New ZealandHarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand)LimitedP.O. Box 1Auckland, New Zealandhttp://www.harpercollins.co.nz

United KingdomHarperCollins Publishers Ltd.77–85 Fulham Palace RoadLondon, W6 8JB, UKhttp://www.harpercollins.co.uk

United StatesHarperCollins Publishers Inc.10 East 53rd StreetNew York, NY 10022http://www.harpercollins.com

414/415

@Created by PDF to ePub