The Manna February 2013

Mthe Manna | February 2013

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Stay in Touch

Mthe Manna | February 2013

Columns07 | Signals09 | On The Air

Features13 | Happy Wife, Happy Life?Maybe marriage isn’t all about happiness.

14 | Jesus Is My BFF What true friendship looks like.

16 | The Secret To A Successful MarriageNo tools and techniques here.

20 | Daddy, Why Didn’t God Answer My Prayer?Difficult questions are the deepest.

22 | Self On The ShelfAsk not what your relationships can do

for you...

24 | Grace For Toxic PeopleRelationships always involve sinners.

27 | She Let Herself GoIs beauty really important?

28 | A Friend With No DistractionsThe blessing of a best friend.

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Maranatha Media | Home of Joy! 102.5 and the Manna

Mthe Manna | A Publication of Maranatha, Inc.

Editor-In-Chief: Debbie Byrd

Creative Director: Joe Willey

Contributing Writers: Phil Huber, Josh Millwood, Scott Noble, B.A. Timmons, Karen Tull & Mary Tyler

Media Client Liaison: Adam Riggin and Randall Stapleton

Statement of FaithWe Believe…that the Holy Bible is the inspired, infallible and authoritative source of Christian doctrine and precept;that there is one God, eternally existent in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit;that the only hope for man is to believe in Jesus Christ, the virgin-born Son of God, who died to take upon Himself the punishment for the sin of mankind, and who rose from the dead so that by receiving Him as Savior and Lord, man is redeemed by His blood;that Jesus Christ in person will return to Earth in power and glory;that the Holy Spirit indwells those who have received Christ, for the purpose of enabling them to live righteous and godly lives;and that the Church is the Body of Christ and is comprised of all those who, through belief in Christ, have been spiritually regenerated by the indwelling Holy Spirit. The twin mission of the Church is worldwide evangelization, and nurture and discipline of Christians.

DisclaimerNon-ministry advertisers are not required to

subscribe to the “Statement of Faith” printed at right; nor are their businesses and products

necessarily endorsed by the Manna, Joy! 102.5 WOLC, or Maranatha, Inc., whose viewpoints are not necessarily represented by the opinions

or statements of persons interviewed in this magazine; nor are the viewpoints of its

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Frequently Asked Questions

Who We AreThe Manna is published by Maranatha, Inc.,

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Christ through various forms of media, as God directs, until He returns. “Maranatha”

(mer-a-nath´-a) is an Aramaic word found in I Corinthians 16:22. It is translated, “Our Lord, come!” Joy! 102.5 WOLC is also part

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Signals

RelationshipIf we were to think of the many types of

relationships we experience, the list would be long.

Our relationships may be healthy or unhealthy, enjoyable or not, but it’s a rare individual, usually with extremely unusual circumstances, that can claim no relation-ship at all.

Our relationships are varied. We have a certain type of relationship with coworkers —and even those are varied. Some people we work with we are closer to than others. Some people we simply enjoy more than others, with whom we share more interests and conversation.

We have relationships within our fam-ily. The relationship with our spouse is certainly different than that with a brother or sister, or mother or father, or extended family. The bigger the family, the bigger the variety.

We have relationship with that favorite waitress, the one we ask for every time we are in a certain restaurant. We have rela-tionship with our church family, the folks we know at the local gym, and those we engage over the fence as we rake our yards.

We have good, healthy relationships. We have strained, unhealthy relationships. We have cherished relationships and we have poisonous relationships.

We bring nuances of ourselves to each of these relationships. Parts of us. With some of these people, we might even bring almost all of ourself to the table, but there still may be that something we hold back.

Some of our relationships seem fuller

and more meaningful. Some we walk away from relieved that there isn’t more depth and exposure.

When we find the relationships that fit, the ones in which we find comfort and pur-pose, we tend to nurture and strengthen that bond. But that’s when it’s easy. Scripture tells us to love one another. It doesn’t tell us to love only those with whom we feel comfortable. It doesn’t tell us to love only the people that make it easy and conve-nient. It simply tells us to love.

Jesus directs us to love each other as He has loved us. As He has loved us. He doesn’t wait for us to have our act together. He doesn’t wait for us to put on our best clothes. He doesn’t wait for us to develop patience, or wisdom, or a sense of humor. He doesn’t wait for us to grow up. He sim-ply loves. And we’re not all that lovable.

It’s only because of the way Jesus loves us that we are able to love others. And in the process, we have the greatest relation-ship of all—one with Him.

Debbie Byrd is General Manager of Maranatha, Inc., a ministry that includes Joy! 102.5 and the Manna.

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wolc.org | readthemanna.org | February 2013

Listen Now!Check out our Program Guide at wolc.org

9

On the Air

Words

I love hearing from the artists we play, especially when they open up about the message behind a particular song or how they came to write it. This month on the air, we’re playing a new song from Hawk Nel-son featuring Bart Millard from MercyMe titled “Words.” Here’s what Jon Steingard from Hawk Nelson shared with us about this incredible new song:

“‘Words’ really speaks to the heart of what God’s been teaching us as a band over the past few months. The words we speak are a powerful testament to who we are and how we influence those around us. We truly have the power to either speak life into others or break them down depending on the choices we make. It’s been our prayer as a band to say to God that we want to be His light...that we want to speak His love into people’s lives every day. Whether that means being on stage and playing shows, or whether that’s with our wives, families, or friends, we just want to be really inten-tional about speaking life into people.

We were so honored that Bart from MercyMe agreed to be a part of this song as well. He was actually monumental in encouraging me to step up as the new lead singer for Hawk Nelson. Last fall when we were on the ‘Rock & Worship Roadshow’ with him, he called me into his dressing room and really laid it out and encouraged me to consider it. That conversation meant so much to me, and honestly, Bart had such a huge impact on the new direction for the band that when we wrote this song, it only felt natural to have him be a part of it. It’s been really cool to see God directing the whole thing as it came around full circle and we’re stoked with how ‘Words’ turned out!”

Hawk Nelson’s newest album Made releases April 2. Until then, listen for this new release from the album on Joy! 102.5 and online at www.wolc.org..

Rodney Baylous is Program Director of Joy! 102.5. Visit www.wolc.org.

http://www.wolc.org/listenNow/index.html

http://www.wolc.org/programs/index.html

http://www.wolc.org/programs/index.html

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By Karen Tull

Happy Wife,Happy Life?

T herefore marriage is not to be entered into un-advisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.

So declares the wedding liturgy in the Book of Com-mon Prayer. I haven’t been to a lot of weddings, but I can imagine myself in years past listening to those or similar statements and letting my mind glaze right over them. “Yada, yada, yada. Is it time for the reception yet? I’m starving.” Perhaps I’m not alone on this. Between what we’ve seen in the movies and the various ceremonies we’ve attended, maybe those words have become “old hat,” so to speak.

So what, in fact, is the purpose for marriage? If you had asked me that question ten years or so ago, my answer would have been: “To make me happy.”

Like many girls, I was weaned on Disney movies and then later read way too many Jane Austen novels. (Also, I may or may not have indulged in the occasional cheesy Hallmark movie.) Needless to say, my view of what marriage was really about largely had to do with me, my hopes, my goals, my dreams, my wants, me, me, me...you get the picture. Over the years, however, God has in-formed me in plenty of ways that life, including marriage, actually isn’t about me at all.

The Bishop of London, in his address at the wedding of Prince William and Catherine Middleton, made these remarks: “A spiritual life grows as love finds its center beyond ourselves. Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this: The more we give of self, the richer

we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed. In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life.”

Marriage is about service and selflessness. Attending to the needs of another person in the closest possible context brings responsibilities that help smooth our rough edges and make us into the people we were created to be. It’s not something to embark upon only when we feel life is finally how we want it—when we’ve completed graduate school, landed the dream job, or earned that promotion. Rather, marriage is formative.

And for a marriage to truly function as God intends, He must be the foundation. The depth and longevity of the bond between a husband and wife has to go beyond financial comfort, physical appeal, and shared interests and hobbies—factors that usually change. A lasting and God-honoring relationship is obtained through the mutual viewpoint that marriage is a mission field.

“What keeps the marriage going,” writes pastor and author Timothy Keller, “is your commitment to your spouse’s holiness. You’re committed to his or her beauty. You’re committed to his greatness and perfection. You’re committed to her honesty and passion for the things of God. That’s your job as a spouse. Any lesser goal than that, any smaller purpose, and you’re just playing at being married.”

Marriage was designed and implemented by God for His glory and our benefit. And its purpose for us, as with everything in life, is to make us more conformed to the image of His perfect Son, Jesus Christ.

Making friends is not easy for me. Making best friends is even harder. As a child, my family moved around a lot. I learned that by being talkative and persistent I could generally make

new friends—at least when I was younger. But the older you get, the more difficult it is to land real friends. A joint history builds up relationships, and if you are not a constant figure in someone’s life, that friendship almost always suffers.

Adult friendships are way harder to make and maintain than childhood friendships. When you are a kid, all you have to do is introduce yourself and then start playing with your new friends. You don’t even have to know their names at first, especially if you are bringing cool new toys to the table. Mostly, you just tag them and scream, “You’re it!” It’s easy (though nerve-wracking for the shy kids). Adult friendships require the time-consuming tedium of experiencing life together. If you tap a random person on the shoulder and yell, “Tag! You’re it!”—they probably won’t play. And that’s speaking from experience.

You know the old saying, “You have to be a friend to make a friend”? Well, what happens when you move somewhere where everyone has all the friends they need? They grew up together, were in each other’s weddings, have dozens of inside jokes, are godparents for each other’s children, go on vacation together, and do not want to share. A few years ago, my family made a big move across the country to a smaller, tight-knit community and those were some of the walls we faced while seeking to establish new friendships. Through that trying time I dis-

covered two surefire ways to make friends.

Option 1: Make It Rain!

This option involves having lots of discretionary cash. Basically you want to bleed money like a rapper who has never heard of balancing a checkbook. Pay the tab on elaborate sushi dinners for large groups of people. Throw parties on your yacht with special musical guests flown in from Hollywood. Give everyone a sports car or SUV for Christmas. Treat them like royalty, effectively buying their loyalty and new-found friendship. (It’s important to note that under Option 1, the “friends” you make will not visit you in prison for tax evasion.)

Option 2: Be A Servant.

This option is less fun. It costs more than money—it costs time. But it’s how Jesus demonstrated making true friends, and let’s face it...most of us can’t afford Option 1 to begin with.

We don’t often think of Jesus as having friends. After all, He is Jesus! God. The Savior. He’s obviously going to be too busy being all holy to have friends, right? Well, the Bible offers us some insight into Jesus’ earthly relation-ships. He had friends. He visited them often. He celebrat-ed with them and mourned with them. And ultimately, He gave His life for them.

The very first miracle of Jesus’ career was turning water into wine (or really strong grape juice, according to my 2nd grade Sunday School teacher). The miracle happened at a wedding, which was like a full week of partying in Jewish culture. It’s important to note that Jesus

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By Josh Millwood

Jesus Is My BFFwas not invited as the official wine connoisseur for the festivities; He and His disciples were invited because, it’s assumed, they were friends with the families of the two getting married. I’m pretty sure that none of the chapter heads in the Gospels read: “Jesus Crashes a Wedding in Cana.” (Although that would be awesome.) Right off the bat, Jesus is partying with friends as He starts the journey toward the cross.

There are several stories about one particular family that lived in Bethany, just outside of Jerusalem. There were two sisters and a brother named Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Martha was famous for her hospitality (to a fault). Mary was always ready to listen to her friend Jesus. And Lazarus died one time. But Jesus fixed that. They were friends of Jesus and He was often at their home throughout the Gospels.

Amongst the many followers of Jesus were 12 special friends, called disciples. This band of merry men spent a lot of time with Jesus. They uprooted their families to follow Him. They ate with Him, traveled around Israel with Him, watched Him work miracles and dedicated their lives to serving their friend Jesus. Among the 12 were three guys who were considered Jesus’ inner circle: Peter, James, and John. These closest friends got to experience conversations and miracles that the others didn’t. In fact, they witnessed Jesus in his heavenly glory on the Mount of Transfiguration. But even among these three was a best friend. The disciple whom Jesus loved—John. Can you even imagine being the best friend of God? Mind. Blown.

The Gospel of John spends a lot of time (three chap-

ters) on the dinner conversation during the Last Supper. Jesus lays out what is about to happen to Him, what will happen to His disciples, and even what to look forward to in the end. John 15:15 says, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

Jesus goes on to pray for His friends’ protection from the world and to proclaim how much He loves His friends to the Father. The love that Jesus expresses during the Last Supper causes Him terrible pain. But it is that very love for His friends that draws Him onward to the cross, knowing that only through His death and resurrection can He save His friends.

During that same prayer, Jesus prays for us. Yes. You and me. John 17:20-21: “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in Me through their message. I pray that they will all be one, just as You and I are one—as You are in Me, Father, and I am in You. And may they be in us so that the world will believe You sent Me.

I can barely handle the idea of Jesus considering me a friend. What He has done for us far surpasses any sacrifice I could ever make for my friends. But He’s demonstrated the way to make real and lasting friends—to love so much that we are willing to lay down our lives for one another. The depth of Christ’s love leaves no room for a casual acquaintance. It’s all or nothing when it comes to being a friend of God. But the benefits are eternal, and the tab has already been paid.

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The Secret To a Successful MarriageBy Phil Huber

“Why can’t marriage always be like that?”

We had just fin-ished watching Pride

and Prejudice starring Keira Knightley and were preparing for bed. My wife was deeply moved by the noble and passionate love of Mr. Darcy that is revealed in the end. I was mildly suspicious that this was a set-up to expose my lack of romanticism.

“Because it’s unsustainable,” I stated, a bit too matter-of-factly. This launched a conversation that spanned two nights in which we explored my wife’s longing for and my own dismissal of this expression of love. It was a circuitous route, this conver-sation, but it arrived at a satisfying end. We both had something to learn. We each learned something about ourselves and, in the process, something about each other.

And this is our marriage: Two people who love each other deeply but have much to learn about themselves and each other. Sometimes we stumble over each other’s feet and sometimes into each other’s arms. Either way, this is a shared journey. In this case, the vulnerable and risky dialogue that paved the way for mutual insight was

more than just dialogue—it was intimacy. One more log on the fire of love. A fire that sometimes blazes and other times smolders.

I have a marriage that most people would envy. It’s not perfect, but it is durable. Seventeen years of marriage have weathered this relationship. Through the years our love has been pressed and twisted until well worn. It survived a crisis that brought the relationship to the brink and led to a period of brief separation about six years ago. We have fought hard to preserve this union. We have the scars to prove it. But the tattered complexion of our love has resulted in a bond that only shared struggle can account for. There is security in a rela-tionship that has been tested and tried.

Recently I was reading a marriage enrichment book that promised, in the subtitle, to reveal the secrets of a success-ful marriage. It was full of helpful tips and techniques for solving conflicts, negotiat-ing change, handling money, and raising children. It was exceedingly practical. But it did not deliver on its promise. Techniques are not the secrets of a successful marriage.

I react against the glut of marriage books that focus on methods. Marriage is

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reduced to a skill set, akin to playing chess. Learn the rules, get some strategy, and you can win. But the hard scrabble of life is more dynamic than a chess game. Tech-niques are tools. Tools can be useful. But having the tools doesn’t hinder these issues from continuing to infiltrate my marriage.

In most cases, the techniques are com-mon sense. But even familiar principles still trip me up. Knowing does not always equate to practicing. If our fundamental need was for techniques, then Scripture would read more like a marriage enrich-ment book.

So maybe there’s just one secret to a successful marriage, though not really secret. But indulge me for a moment. Grant me the leeway to unveil it with flourish, as if something new and novel. Gather round as I pull back the curtain on this profound insight: The secret (wink, wink) to a suc-cessful marriage is the ardent conviction that marriage is a sacred covenant.

Marriage is a holy relationship intended as a model and metaphor of another holy relationship, one even more intimate and hard won (Ephesians 5:22-33). It is a prom-ise before God to be faithful to another; a

promise not lightly entered, and not lightly broken. As such, it is worth fighting for. This is what held us together. Even when the relationship itself was quite ugly, we fought to restore it. It was a sacred ugliness that we would not give up on until all op-tions had been exhausted. God honored our perseverance. Techniques were useful in fleshing that out, but always secondary to that bedrock resolve.

Marriage suffers when we downgrade its holiness. Our rush to techniques feels to me like we are slipping toward this down-grade. Techniques are secondary. A devo-tion to covenant faithfulness is primary. Keep this in focus and you will have a successful marriage. Keep this in focus and even “successful” will seem like a cheap word to attach to marriage. Better, mar-riage will be holy and blessed—a sacred ugliness transformed into sacred beauty.

Phil Huber is a freelance writer from Syracuse, NY. He blogs regularly at www.aploddingpilgrimage.blogspot.com

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Daddy, Why Didn’t God Answer My Prayer?


“But God didn’t answer my prayer last time...” was the response from my eight-year-old daughter one evening as we got ready to pray. Each night, either her

mother or I read to her and then pray. Sometimes these prayers are basic and consistent; other times they are more personal and significant.

I don’t remember the specific prayer that my daughter was languishing over that night, but that incident began for me a theological and personal dilemma that many Christian parents face: How do we respond to our kids when they experience an unanswered prayer?

As adults and as more seasoned believers, we can be just as disappointed when our prayers aren’t answered. Especially when these prayers are for healing from cancer, the salvation of a loved one or the financial help we des-perately need. For our children, praying to recover from the flu in time for Susie’s party holds the same signifi-cance to them as our prayers for the healing of a loved one from a terrible disease.

The difference is that adults usually have the ex-perience and theological knowledge to deal with these unanswered—or not answered in the way we would like—requests; our children don’t...at least not yet.

As with most consequential things in life, there are no easy answers. However, there are a few helpful sugges-tions that we can employ to assist our children when it comes to prayer and unanswered requests.

Honesty

First, it’s always important to be honest with our kids. This not only holds true for unanswered prayer but in all other areas of life. Kids are quick to pick up on dishonesty and that will inevitably damage our relationship—and our witness—with those we love the most.

If our 10-year-old asks God to give him a good friend at school and that prayer goes unanswered, we need to be honest with him when he asks why. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know why your prayer wasn’t answered or not an-swered yet.” Honesty is better than a trite answer that will most likely prove disingenuous down the road.

Honesty, however, doesn’t mean we deliver the news in a matter-of-fact manner, without demonstrating understanding and compassion. If the prayer request was concerning something you as a parent consider precari-ous—say, praying for a particular sports team to win a big game—it’s okay to tell her that this particular prayer request is not necessarily appropriate. The important thing is to be honest, even if you as a parent don’t know the answer.

Theological discussion

Second, depending on the age of your child, there’s nothing wrong with engaging in some preliminary theo-logical discussions. This will not be out of the ordinary for your child if you regularly attend church and engage in discussions about Sunday School lessons or sermons.

Talk about God’s wonderful plan for the life of each person, how He cares deeply for all of His creation and

wants the best for each of us. And since He is the Creator of all, He also has a specific plan for each person. We don’t always know or understand that plan, but we can rest in the fact that we know His love and care for us will never subside.

This is also a good opportunity for parents to relate some instance from their lives where God didn’t answer their prayer—or at least answer it in the way they hoped. How did you respond? What did you learn? How was your faith impacted?

Some of my fondest memories as a kid were when I could get my father to talk about his childhood. Even though he grew up very poor and his life was difficult, I loved hearing those stories and how he responded to what life threw at him. The same is true for our kids today. Preparing them to think critically and with theological acumen can only assist them as they grow in their faith.

Answered prayer

My first thought when my daughter mentioned her reticence to pray was that I needed to make sure we only prayed about simplistic things or things God would some-how always seem to answer. It’s important to resist this temptation.

In fact, this kind of response from a child should make us re-double our efforts and pray more. Continued prayer with our kids has so many positive outcomes. It teaches them that we can take anything to God in prayer; that prayer is a lifelong journey that has its ups and downs; and that prayer is a special time to commune with the One who formed us in the womb. God is willing and desires to spend this time with us.

Keep a journal next to your child’s bed and begin to record your prayer requests. On one side of the page, write down your specific requests: health, success at school, healing for a friend, etc. On the other side of the page, write how that prayer was answered—or if you are still waiting for an answer. It will be amazing to look back at your requests six months or a year later and see how faith-ful God was to you and your requests.

Encourage

Prayer can be like riding a bike. It might take some time to become familiar with the practice, but once you do, it’s a lifelong skill that has countless blessings. In light of that, it’s important that we remain as encouragers to our kids. Give them positive feedback; ask them what things they are praying for, how they saw God working in their life or in their prayers. Share with them the things you are praying about, where those requests are at and what things you are learning about God.

This will serve as encouragement to them that prayer is a journey. Our requests may not always be answered in the ways we desire, but our relationship with God is a lifelong blessing that reaps countless rewards.

Scott Noble is a freelance writer living in St. Paul, Minnesota.

By Mary Tyler

Self On The Shelf

Educating Delmarva’s Children for Eternity

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You’ve probably seen the very popular Christmas book and accompanying stuffed doll called Elf on the Shelf. Just add an “S” to that title and you have one of the best ways to instantly improve

any of your current relationships. Put “Self on the Shelf.”Much easier said than done. However, think about your

current relationship with your spouse, your father, sister, or even the Church. Most of our complaints center around how the person or organization is not meeting our needs. Have you ever been to church on a Sunday morning and thought, “Gee, I didn’t get anything out of the service today”? Maybe you’ve said something similar to this, “My wife used to make great meals for me, but now we eat take-out every night.”

Wives, have you ever lamented that your husband just doesn’t listen to you? Maybe you’ve felt that your work-place was falling short in meeting your needs for money, recognition, or fulfillment.

If these thoughts have crossed your mind, simply putting yourself on the shelf and turning those thoughts around can improve your relationships. What gifts or tal-ents did you bring to church Sunday morning? When was the last time you made a meal for your wife or asked to help her take care of dinner? What if you organized some time to take your husband out for a quiet dinner? And how would your attitude change toward work if you asked honestly how you could help others each day?

When we feel like our needs are not getting met, we start to pull back from fully engaging in our relationships. When I do this, my husband calls it bringing out my in-ner six-year-old. When he doesn’t meet a need I feel he should, I simply stop talking to him. Yes, I sulk. This tech-nique does nothing to further our marriage. Over several

years, and after many books on the topic, I have learned that Christ did not design marriage with my personal needs in mind. In fact, my relationships usually flourish when I take my needs out of the equation.

Jesus modeled this behavior when He washed the feet of His disciples. In John 13: 14, Jesus says, “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash on another’s feet.” Is that the attitude we have in our relationships? Are we humbly putting our needs aside to ask about the needs of another? Jesus modeled this hu-mility because He was more concerned with showing love than being put on a pedestal.

Jesus not only lived self on the shelf, He also gave us the ultimate commandment, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” He didn’t say, “Do unto others if they meet your needs. If not, don’t do unto them.” We can live the golden rule only with Jesus in our lives.

Cindi McMenamin, co-author of When Couples Walk Together, writes that she remembers the day marriage fi-nally made sense to her. She was on her way to a speaking engagement and complaining to God about her husband. She said she knew God brought them together, but she couldn’t understand why God wasn’t changing him to be more of what she needed. Cindi says God whispered to her, “Perhaps I was looking at what he needed.” She said that was an “ouch” moment. She had never reversed the roles and saw the marriage from her husband’s side. She had been too focused on her needs.

When we put our needs aside and ask God to show us instead how we can meet the needs of others, our relation-ships will take on more of the humility Jesus mirrored in His life. One thing to pray for is to have the humility to put our self on the shelf.







Grace for Toxic People

By Brittney Switala

While paging through a women’s magazine, my eyes landed on an article titled “25 Ways to Tell If Your Relationship is

Toxic.” It didn’t take me too long skimming down the page to venture into a bit of skepti-cism. If I were looking for an excuse to get out of my marriage, this article was prime fodder.

#4) You have changed things about your-self to suit your partner, even when it is not your taste.

Yes, I have done that. When my husband and I first got married, I changed my ward-robe a bit to suit his preferences and grew my hair out because he liked it that way. It took me forever in the bathroom, so eventually my husband decided short hair was fine because he would get to spend more time with me.

#9) You think it’s up to you to make the relationship work.

#17) You don’t feel you have control of your life anymore.

Well, I know I have felt both of those. I have certainly wanted my husband to “get with the program” when he didn’t even know

what the “program” was. As Dennis Rainey of “Family Life Today” often says, “Marriage is a not a 50/50 relationship. It is 100/100. Each person must give 100%.”

Part of a successful marriage is having the willingness to give all of yourself when the other has nothing (or is unwilling) to give. Selflessness is required and becoming a team (sacrificing independence) makes the best re-lationship. Of course, there were items on the list describing control freaks, but others just sounded so normal. It made me realize that in one way or another, all relationships are toxic because they involve sinners.

Sin is the relational poison which makes us selfish and intent on manipulating oth-ers. In the Garden of Eden, Eve desired to forego her God-given position to become like God. A serpent cleverly planted doubt in her mind. She suddenly distrusted her Creator’s goodwill in forming her with her eyes closed to evil. She wanted more than what was good for her and decided to talk her husband into partaking in her own toxic choice of eating the forbidden fruit. It was a choice that would change relationships—vertical and horizon-

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tal—for all mankind.The Bible is full of broken people sinfully

trying to do relationships their own toxic way. From a modern-day psychological point of view, any number of people in the Bible would need to spend time on the counselor’s couch. Sarah and Hagar both were eager to give Abraham a child but the drama between the two would rival an episode of Desperate Housewives.

David’s own son Absalom tried to kill him for his throne. Solomon kept a harem of women to try to satisfy himself. Most likely the women themselves were not happy. Sis-ters Mary and Martha argued over who dis-played their love for Christ most effectively. Martha tried to out cook and clean Mary and manipulate Jesus into getting her a little help in the kitchen. In the midst of each of these situations, God gave grace as an example to us today.

If there is anyone who has been a magnet for toxic relationships, it is the daughter of Anne, a woman who recently called in to the radio station. Anne’s daughter, Jenn, is a substance abuser and pregnant by a man with

a criminal past. She has two other sons who live with their father. Anne paid for Jenn’s unsuccessful drug treatment. Last week, after I prayed on the air for a “Jenn with a sub-stance abuse problem,” I received this email from her mother:

“After all the tears and prayers, for her to end up like this totally shattered me. I heard someone preach about how God loves us and it was like a door slammed shut and I no longer believed that. However, when you lifted Jenn up in prayer (whether it was my daughter or not), it may have begun to open that door again. Thank you.”

Jenn’s choices have hurt so many. She may be what many would call a toxic person who attracts toxic people. It would be easy to give up on someone like her. But Anne would not give because a mother’s love is almost supernatural. Even greater grace is found in Christ who will not give up on Jenn in her rebellion or on Anne during her times of questioning. In the midst of messy, toxic relationships, we often see Christ’s grace displayed most clearly—because it is then that we realize we need Him the most.

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By Karen Tull

She Let Herself Go

I feel pretty, oh, so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity any girl who isn’t me tonight! … See the pretty girl in that mirror there. Who can that attractive girl be? Such a pretty face, such a pretty

dress, such a pretty smile, such a pretty me! What woman wouldn’t want to feel as Maria does in

the musical West Side Story? Women have an intrinsic need to be admired and desired by men for our beauty (not only beauty, of course, but it’s definitely important!). So, naturally, it’s a touchy subject.

Last month, Pat Robertson drew criticism for his comments on wives who don’t work at maintaining an attractive appearance: “A woman came to a preacher that I know, and she was awful-looking. I mean, her hair was all torn up and she was overweight and looked terrible, clothes bad and everything. And she said, ‘Oh, Reverend, what can I do? My husband has started to drink.’ And the preacher looked at her and said, ‘Madam, if I was mar-ried to you I’d start to drink, too.’ We need to cultivate romance, darling! ... You always have to keep that spark of love alive. It just isn’t something to just lie there, ‘Well, I’m married to him so he’s got to take me slatternly look-ing.’ You’ve got to fix yourself up, look pretty.”

Robertson, indeed, isn’t known for his sensitivity, but there is a question worth asking: Since women do want to look beautiful for their husbands, what happens to cause the lack of effort? Various factors, for sure. But a primary reason is certainly the cultural pressure to be appealing according to images in the media and then the ensuing doubts about looking the part.

Christian author and speaker Mary Kassian explains it well: “When it comes to beauty, women react against the burden of expectation, the fear that they will fall short of the desired standard, the inevitability of decay, and the

resentment that the script is different for men than women. A woman wants to be loved and accepted as she is. From a wife’s perspective, a husband’s attraction to/desire for beauty can magnify her feelings of personal inadequacy and insecurity, and she may fear that his love/acceptance depends on her ability to measure up.”

A woman’s longing to be beautiful and a man’s longing to savor beauty are God-given and right. But as with all of creation, everything directs us to greater meaning—God Himself. Thus, these innate desires are not to be our sole focus, but to point us higher, as they are symbols of Christ and His Church. Men desire beauty because Christ desires His people to be without tarnish from sin. Women desire to be beautiful because those who belong to Christ want to present themselves to Him in sinless perfection.

Scripture says, “‘Let us be glad and rejoice, and let us give honor to him. For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb, and his bride has prepared herself. She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.’ For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people” (Revelation 19:7-8).

Thus, beauty is indeed significant, though not primarily for its temporal enjoyment. It is a marvelous reminder of what is in store for those who have put their faith in Christ as Savior. Kassian concludes: “The symbolic impor-tance of beauty/beautification is not unlike the symbolic importance of marriage. Woman’s beauty, and all the broken, distorted ideas about it, will not so much pass, as give way—in the end—to that to which beauty points. There will be no marriage in heaven because the shadow will give way to the reality. Likewise, the illusive, fading, temporary beauty of women will one day give way to the breathtaking, spectacular, eternal beauty of the Bride of Christ.”

I grew up down the road from Andy. Both of our families had moved away for a few years and we all moved back to our hometown the same summer. Our fathers started a church together where Andy and I

tried to figure out what faith was all about. We may have even been baptized in the same river. For two years, we were inseparable.

Andy had his license, so we rode all over the place in his car—often to Ocean City on a weekend night. We played arcade games and ate pizza and walked through the Morbid Manor. We dreamed the typical dreams of boys that age.

He had an older friend, Dick, who taught us snorkeling in the local ponds. Dick drove an old rusted station wagon. He and his car had a lot of character. We celebrated the Fourth of July, 1976, on the boardwalk in Rehoboth with Dick. He was wearing a new pair of jeans he referred to as

“newbies.” The fireworks were the loudest they had ever been.

Another older friend of ours, Raymond, helped us organize softball and football games with our brothers and sisters and other kids we knew in the neighborhood. Andy sprained his wrist in one of those games and practically gave himself a burn by simultaneously applying Bengay and wrapping it with an Ace bandage. He finally ripped off the bandage in a panic and we all roared in laughter.

Andy’s family had a small farm and he had daily chores to do. We spent hours together there feeding, wa-tering, and mending fences. He had to, but I wanted to—just to be with him. One day while we were working, his dog ran across the road chasing a rabbit and was struck by a car. We cried together, at least on the inside.

We were best friends. We dreamed, we laughed, and we cried, as best friends do.

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By B.A. Timmons

A Friend With No Distractions

Then, after two glorious years together, I got my driver’s license and started working summers. I became occupied in the kitchen of a restaurant in Fenwick Island most nights and weekends. I made new friends in the restaurant, got busy in school, started dating, and slowly neglected to spend what little time was left with my best friend Andy.

Mine is not the first story of friends taking different roads and losing touch. I didn’t plan to neglect my friend-ship with Andy. Life crept in and got in the way in a man-ner that was difficult to control.

It was only after living another 35 years that I now realize what Andy and I had and how precious it was. Those friendships do not come along often. Our lives were simple and uncluttered, and we had all the time in the world to devote to each other. It was a season in life that eventually passes for all of us, and now we fight to devote

a significant amount of time to any one relationship.Believers fight in the same way to devote time to God.

We are occupied with a host of things as adults. Our lives are not uncluttered. It is not necessarily a fault of ours; it is the nature of life. We are stuck dealing with the concept of time. We only have so much.

Time for God is not an issue, however. Having the inconceivable ability to be 100% devoted to each one of us 100% of the time, He is not distracted by His work, His other friends, or His responsibilities elsewhere. This is fortunate for us, as we are distracted by a host of other necessary responsibilities. But He has abilities that we will never have. He is always there, always available, and inseparable from us. His life is completely uncluttered. He is, like Andy, the best of friends.

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Joy in the Morning - 6:00 am - 9:00 am

Our Daily Bread - 6:25 am www.rbc.org/odb

My Money Life - 7:25 am www.crown.org

Insights - 7:45 am www.insight.org

The Point - 8:30 am www.breakpoint.org

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Revive Our Hearts - 7:30 pmwww.reviveourhearts.com

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Grace to You - 8:00 am www.gty.org

Living a Legacy - 10:30 am www.moodyradio.org/livingalegacy

Moody Church Hour - 11:00 am www.moodychurch.org

National Christian Choir - 12:00 pm www.nationalchristianchoir.org

The Hour of Decision - 1:00 pm www.billygraham.org

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