The Magnificent Realtor

The Magnificent Realtor

By

Matt Winters

Modern Family Spec Script

ACT ONE

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Phil and Luke look through a box labeled "magic stuff".

PHIL

Just keep looking, the perfect

trick lays somewhere in this box.

LUKE

I heard the hardest trick is

revealing a dove. Mainly because

they suffocate and die in coat

pockets.

PHIL

Which is why you have to practice,

or else you’ll have to make an

awkward trip to the dumpster during

your wedding recital.

Claire enters.

CLAIRE

What is going on here?

Phil ties a cape around his neck with a top hat on.

PHIL

Just getting ready to sell a house.

PHIL INTERVIEW

PHIL

A really nice mansion just went on

the market and it’s owner is none

other than The great Madator, a

famous magician that I loved

watching growing up. I bought his

magic kit, and even released a book

later called, "Magic for Dummies".

I learned everything from that man.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY - CONTINUED

CLAIRE

You should probably lose the

outfit.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2.

PHIL

You’re right I should focus more on

what trick I am going to do.

CLAIRE

Would you do a magic trick for any

of your other clients?

PHIL

That one client Mrs. Jenkins loved

it, but because of her condition, I

think she genuinely couldn’t

remember what card she picked.

CLAIRE

In all honesty honey, he is

probably just looking for a

Realtor, not a another fan trying

to show him a trick.

Claire starts to move Phil away from his props.

CLAIRE

Just be yourself today and I’m sure

you will do great.

PHIL

You’re right, I am still going to

get an autograph though.

Phil sticks a head shot of Bruce in his bag.

PHIL

Also, I should ask him to sign my

handcuffs. Have you seen them?

CLAIRE

I think they’re in the bedroom.

Claire looks at Luke awkwardly.

CLAIRE

Actually, I have no idea.

OMITTED

CAMERON & MITCHELL INTERVIEW

MITCHELL

Lily is at that age now where she

can start playing sports.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 3.

CAMERON

I am all for it. As a former

college athlete, I know first hand

how important sports can be in a

child’s life.

MITCHELL

I on the other hand, don’t feel

like we need to pressure her into

sports. I remember how my dad was

always trying pressuring me to get

involved, and because of that, I

never was any good.

CAMERON

All I am saying is that Lily could

potentially be really good at

sports.

MITCHELL

Because she is Asian.

CAMERON

No, I did not say that. I just just

think she could excel at a sport

that involves running and sprinting

and moving quickly to other

defenders.

MICTHELL

Because Asians are fast?

CAMERON

That is absolutely not the reason.

PAUSE

But I mean have you seen her run?

INT. JAY & GLORIA’S HOUSE - DAY

Gloria answers the door and lets Cameron and Mitchell in.

GLORIA

So did you two find what you were

looking for?

CAMERON

We got some great information on

all the sports that the school has

to offer.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 4.

MITCHELL

And I got some information on

clubs, like gardening, and arts and

crafts, stuff that isn’t so

competitive.

CAMERON

Right, because colleges are always

offering scholarships to kids that

are great at planting flowers.

GLORIA

You two really don’t see eye to eye

on this. It reminds me of a sister

and her husband when they were

deciding on whether or not they

should let their son run with the

bulls.

CAMERON

Yes it’s exactly like that.

MITCHELL

Hey do you know where my dad is?

INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - BILLIARDS ROOM

Jay and Manny play Ping-Pong. Jay spikes the ball as Manny

misses. Mitchell and Cameron enter.

MANNY

I don’t understand. I took every

shot that mathematically made

sense.

JAY

It takes more than brains to win at

a complex sport like this.

MANNY

You know, being overly competitive

could mean you’re compensating due

to a lack of self-confidence.

JAY

You know I almost tried out for the

Olympics.

MANNY

Thank you for proving my point.

Manny walks off in defeat.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 5.

MITCHELL

Dad, I see you’re still beating

your children in sports.

JAY

I’m just trying to find new ways to

bond with the kid. I didn’t expect

him...

MITCHELL

To take loosing so hard?

JAY

To be so bad, he has worse eye hand

coordination then Joe.

CAMERON

I’m sure you two will find a way to

bond. Not all of us have the nature

to be competitive.

Cameron looks at Mitchell.

JAY

Cam, you probably didn’t know this,

but Mitchell was actually pretty

good at ping pong.

CAMERON

Oh really? well I played in

college.

MITCHELL

You played at college, every dorm

has one of these tables.

Lily enters.

LILY

Are you two ready yet?

CAMERON

Actually, daddy’s are going to play

a quick game.

MITCHELL

No we are not?

CAMERON

Mitchell, this is perfect, both of

us are good at a sport finally. We

can show Lily first hand on how

much fun being competitive can be.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 6.

Manny enters.

JAY

Hey kid, I got one dollar that says

Mitchell beats Cameron.

MANNY

Seems like an unfair bet.

CAMERON

I’m sorry, but apparently no one

seems to think I can carry my own

around here. When in fact, I can. I

can carry a lot. I once carried a

pregnant cow up a hill to give

birth right when the sun was about

to set. It was beautiful.

MANNY

Are we still talking about

Ping-Pong?

CAMERON

Mitchell, pick up the paddle.

Mitchell pulls Cameron off to the side.

MITCHELL

Fine, how about this, if I

win, Lily gets to decide what she

wants to do. If you win, she plays

sports.

CAMERON

Oh Mitchell, I am loving this side

to you. You’re on.

Cameron goes to the opposite side of the table.

CAMERON CONT’D

This is going to be a piece of

cake.

Cameron tosses the ball to Mitchell as his back is turned.

Mitchell catches the ball without looking. Cameron becomes

intimidated.

7.


Alex sits at the counter looking through her books. Luke and

Haley sit in the family room watching TV. Claire is putting

away dishes.

ALEX

I cannot believe this is happening.

CLAIRE

Honey what’s wrong?

ALEX

I forgot to do an assignment. How

could I forget? And it’s due

tomorrow.

CLAIRE

Ok, slow down, you still have all

day to do it.

ALEX

You don’t understand. I need to

create my own experiement. If I

don’t get a good grade on this then

I’m going to end up like brainless

and pretty over there.

LUKE

(to Haley)

Ha! She called you brainless.

CLAIRE

Ok, listen, I know you are stressed

out but humiliating your siblings

is not going to solve your

problems. Figure it out.

Claire exits.

ALEX

(to herself)

Come on Alex use your brain. What

kind of experiment can I do? More

importantly, where am I going to

find my subjects to test on?

Alex looks at Haley and Luke. Luke is staring at a pillow

while Haley touches up her make up. Alex gets an idea.

ALEX

(To herself)

Hello Brainless and pretty.

8.

INT. PHIL’S CAR - DAY

Phil drives with a smile on his face.

PHIL INTERVIEW

PHIL

After I left the house I felt

determined. Do I usually sell

expensive houses? No, but there was

a freshness in the air, and a

singing tone from the birds that

sang, "you can do it Phil."

Phil begins to walk towards the house still smiling when a

red convertible comes racing from around the corner and

stops in front of Phil. The window slides down and Gil

Thorpe pops his head out.

GIL

Well, Well, Well, if it isn’t Dumb,

Dumber, and Dumbphy.

PHIL INTERVIEW

PHIL

And then the air became toxic and

every bird flew into a tree and

died.

END OF ACT ONE

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 9.

ACT TWO

EXT. STREET - DAY

Gil steps out of his car.

PHIL

Gil, what an unpleasant surprise.

GIL

That’s where you messed up, the day

you think I’m going to let you sign

a mansion over me will be the same

day pigs fly, and my wife stops

taking her happy pills.

(Serious)

But seriously, I think my wife is

going to leave me.

PHIL

Oh my god I’m so sorry to hear

that...

Gil starts laughing.

GIL

I swear Phil, sometimes its just

too easy.

PHIL

Well you should know something. You

should know that today is

different, today, I am going to

beat you Gil.

GIL

This isn’t a two bedroom mobile

home, this is a six figure, this is

the jungle, have you ever been to

the jungle?

PHIL

Yes, I’ve seen Tarzan.

GIL

This is going to be a breeze. Come

on let’s do the thing, I’ll show

you how a sell a house.

Gil starts to walk towards the front door.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 10.

PHIL

I actually do have a couple

questions.

(Realizing)

Very funny,

PAUSE

Not!


Cameron and Mitchell finish their game. Mitchell is standing

victorious, while Cameron is covered in sweat. Jay and Manny

sit and watch.

MITCHELL

Well it looks like the college

athlete is...

CAMERON

Don’t even finish that sentence

Mitchell.

Manny hands Jay one dollar.

MANNY

Thanks a lot Cameron.

JAY

It’s not his fault, that’s just the

world of gambling, sometimes you’re

lucky, sometimes you’re not.

CAMERON

Ok, enough of this!

(To Mitchell)

Double or nothing.

MITCHELL

Cameron, it wasn’t even close. Do

you really want to play again?

CAMERON

It was a fluke game. I wasn’t even

trying. Double or nothing, we can

make a new bet.

MITCHELL

Well I would like to change the

curtains in the family room.

Cameron is offended.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 11.

CAMERON

You just woke up the beast.

Mitchell puts the paddle in his other hand.

CAMERON CONT’D

What are you doing?

MITCHELL

Well since we have raised the

stakes. I think I’ll play with my

good hand now.

CAMERON

Your good hand?

MANNY

Cameron, I think you just woke up

the beast.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FAMILY ROOM - DAY

ALEX INTERVIEW

ALEX

Is it morally wrong that I am going

to expose my siblings faults for an

experiment that I will share with

my class?

PAUSE

As a future scientist, I don’t feel

like I have to answer that

question.


Alex sets up her experiment.

ALEX V.O

It’s pretty simple actually. My

study is proving that even the

simplest riddle cannot be solved by

people that do not get along. So I

hid the remote..

Alex hides the remote in the fridge in a plastic bag.

ALEX V.O CONT’D

left a note on the table with a

riddle..

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 12.

Alex places a folded notes that says Haley and Luke on the

table.

ALEX V.O CONT’D

And even set up some booby traps in

the process.

Alex places a mouse trap under the couch, and a bucket of

water in top of the bathroom door.

ALEX V.O CONT’D

I’ll keep a record of how long they

take arguing compared to how quick

they are able to find the remote.

If they ignore the instructions,

and refuse to work together, then

they will run into things that will

only make them angrier..

ALEX INTERVIEW

ALEX

And that will only make my

experiment that much better.


Haley and Luke sit on the couch. Alex watches from a

distance hiding.

HALEY

Where’s the remote? It was just

here like 20 minutes ago

LUKE

Hey look at this.

Luke grabs the note on the table.

LUKE CONT’D

It’s from Mom, it says that she

placed the remote somewhere while

she was cleaning, but she forgot

where she put it.

HALEY

Let me see that.

Haley looks at the note.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 13.

HALEY

Its a list of all the places she

cleaned today. If we walk through

all those spots we will find it

eventually.

LUKE

So it’s like a scavenger hunt?

HALEY

I guess it is.

LUKE

That is...

PAUSE

Awesome!

HALEY

Well, if I know one thing about

Mom, it is that she is really

forgetful, so we better stick to

this list and work together.

LUKE

Deal.

Alex gives a, "Are you kidding me"? look into the camera.

EXT. MANSION - DAY

Phil and Gil knock on the door at the same time awkwardly.

Bruce answers.

BRUCE

Well I knew one of you people would

be coming once you saw my ad.

GIL

Hello there sir, my name is Gil

Thorpe, number one Realtor in the

area, I’m here to discuss selling

your house.

PHIL

And I’m Phil Dumphy, and though I

am not the number one Realtor, I am

number one, at keeping it real.

BRUCE

Well those were some introductions.

Hello, I am Bruce Madator, please

let me show you my house.

14.

Phil and Gil walk through the door frame at the same time

and collide awkwardly.

INT. MANSION - DAY - FOYER

Bruce takes Phil and Gil on a tour.

GIL

This is a lovely house

PHIL

(step behind)

Just so lovely, beautiful, it makes

me want to buy it from you right

now.

BRUCE

Let me show you the upstairs.

INT. MANSION - DAY - UPSTAIRS

Bruce shows Phil and Gil the upstairs.

PHIL INTERVIEW

PHIL

I’ve been going head to head with

Gil for years now, and If I’ve

learned one thing, it’s that you

have to take the upper hand early.

You have to stick out, and show

your client that you really care.

INT. MANSION - DAY - UPSTAIRS

Phil feels around in his bag for the head shot picture, Gil

turns to Bruce.

GIL

I know it’s not necessarily

appropriate but I cannot hold my

tongue anymore.

Gil pulls out the head shot picture that Phil brought.

GIL CONT’D

I am a huge fan of yours sir, is

there anyway I could have an

autograph?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 15.

PHIL

(To himself)

Oh No.

BRUCE

(To Gil)

I have signed this picture so many

times, that I should be sick of it.

However, I actually enjoy the

reminders. I would be happy to sign

it for you.

PHIL

(To himself)

No!

BRUCE

So you like magic?

GIL

Are you kidding? I love it! I used

to watch you all the time as a kid.

PHIL

(To himself)

No!

GIL

In fact, I would be honored if I

could show you a trick real quick,

if that’s alright?

BRUCE

I would enjoy that!

PHIL

(to himself)

I think I’m going to pass out.

GIL

Let’s just say, if you pick me,

you’ll get the most...

Gil reaches behind Bruce’s ear and pulls out a one hundred

dollar bill.

GIL CONT’D

For your money.

Bruce claps and laughs, Phil is heated

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 16.

PHIL

(panting but trying to remain

calm)

Wow, well that’s not really

considered magic, but still very

entertaining. Hey, if you have a

deck of cards on you I can show you

how to do that even better.

GIL

I actually don’t Phil, but you can

have your wallet back.

Phil checks his pocket real fast to see if Gil actually did

it.

PHIL

(laughing)

It’s right here, nice try

GIL

Oh that’s right I took your belt

not your wallet.

PHIL

My what?

Gil holds up Phil’s belt and Phil’s pants fall down, Bruce

laughs and claps for Gil as he takes a bow.


Montage: Mitchell spikes the ball repeatedly as Cameron

misses.

Cameron hangs his head in defeat. Jay now has multiple one

dollar bills in his hand that belong to Manny. Lily enters.

LILY

Are you two done in here yet?

CAMERON

Mitchell, take her away, I don’t

want her to see me like this.

MITCHELL

Oh come on Cam, It’s just a game.

CAMERON

Everything I ever trained for was a

waist.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 17.

MITCHELL

Cameron, you are the one that

wanted to show Lily how fun

competition can be. What kind of

lesson are we showing now? That

it’s only fun if you win?

CAMERON

Duh!

Mitchell takes Lily into the next room.

MANNY

I hope you’re happy old man. Not

only did you beat me today

athletically, but now financially.

Manny gets up and walks away.

JAY

Come on kid don’t be a bad sport.

MANNY

I’m just going with the theme!

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY

Phil walks in heated. Claire is putting away laundry.

PHIL

We are code red right now Claire!

Phil walks over to the closet.

CLAIRE

What happened?

PHIL

No time, I need to find it.

Phil digs through the bottom of the closet.

CLAIRE

What are you talking about?

Phil reveals a binder that says "best tricks"

PHIL

Plan B.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 18.

CLAIRE

You really need to reconsider this.

PHIL

I’m sorry Claire, but there are

things you should never do to a

man, and it’s not stealing his belt

and exposing his boxers. It’s

stealing his past. Will you help

me?

CLAIRE

Absolutely not.

Phil turns towards the door.

PHIL

That’s fine, I have a plan B for

that too.

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY

Luke and Haley search under Phil and Claire’s bed. They find

another clue.

LUKE

Look at this! It is one of the

batteries to the remote.

HALEY

Wow, we are really good at this.

LUKE

Yea, plus I am having fun too.

HALEY

Strangely enough, so am I.

ALEX INTERVIEW

ALEX

So the plan has hit a couple walls.

I was not expecting them to get

along. So It looks like I’ll have

to switch some things up.

Alex walks down the hall quietly. She hears Luke and Haley

coming from around the corner. She quickly runs into the

closet. Haley and Luke walk past the closet. When Alex opens

the door it is revealed that she entered the closet that had

the bucket of water on top of it and Alex is drenched.

19.


MITCHELL INTERVIEW

MITCHELL

It was nice to win, and technically

Lily did get to see the problems

with competitive sports. But at the

same time, no one should see their

father as a loser. I knew I had to

make things right.


Mitchell walks back in with Lily.

MITCHELL

Yea know what Cam, I am actually

not done yet. I think I would like

to bet some more.

CAMERON

You have already won everything

Mitchell, what do you want? My

heart and soul too?

MITCHELL

No, I want Fizbo gone.

Cameron is shocked.

CAMERON

How dare you try to wager my

favorite thing in the world.

MITCHELL

That’s right, one more game. If I

win, you have to throw away your

Fizbo costume.

Lily runs over to Cameron.

LILY

Daddy! you have to win, don’t let

him take Fizbo.

Cameron looks at Lily and gets confidence.

Manny Enters.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 20.

JAY

What do you say kid? One more bet

for all the marbles. Double or

nothing.

MANNY

I must admit, I have caught the

gambling fever. You’re on, as long

as Cameron is ready.

Everyone looks at Cameron

CAMERON

Don’t worry honey, Fizbo isn’t

going anywhere.

(To Mitchell)

You are on.

END OF ACT TWO

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 21.

ACT THREE

INT. PHIL’S CAR - DAY

Phil and Gloria head to the clients house. There is a

covered up prop strapped to the top of Phil’s car. Gloria is

wearing a flamboyant dress.

GLORIA

This is so exciting.

GLORIA INTERVIEW

GLORIA

I wasn’t surprised Phil asked for

my help, I used to be part of many

performances in my country. My

cousin almost mastered the multiple

swords going through the big box

trick. Until I accidentally stabbed

him in the kidney. So yea, almost!

EXT. MANSION - DAY

Phils walks to the door dragging his prop and Gloria

follows. The front door opens and Gil walks through with

Bruce.

GIL

Geez Dumphy, You leave here pants

around ankles and you come back

with a box and a Spanish lady?

PHIL

That’s because this isn’t over yet.

GIL

Actually it is, Bruce already

signed the contract.

Gil pulls a signed contract.

GIL

You lose Dumphy, again!

PHIL

I don’t even care about the

contract anymore.

Phil looks at Bruce.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 22.

PHIL CONT’D

Mr. Madetor, I know this in

unprofessional, but I have to tell

you that Gil is a fraud. He said he

was a fan of yours only to beat me

to the punch.

GIL

I have no idea what he is talking

about.

PHIL

Don’t you? You see Gil claims that

he has been doing magic since he

was a kid, but the only trick he

knows is how to remove a part of

clothing off your body without you

noticing.

GIL

That’s accurate.

PHIL

(To Bruce)

I have been learning your tricks

since I was a kid, and I would like

to prove that to you now.

BRUCE

(to Phil)

You really want to do a trick for

me?

PHIL

If it’s Ok?

BRUCE

This has been the strangest

encounter with Realtors I’ve ever

experienced, but going along with

theme of the day, what the hell,

why not.

PHIL

Thank you so much!


Cameron holds up the ball to serve, over-examining his hit.

He smacks the ball as hard as he can and scores. He throws

his fist excitedly. Jay runs back into the room with bag of

popcorn and sits down next to Manny.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 23.

CAMERON

I’m feeling it now Mitchell!

JAY

What’s the score?

MANNY

20-19, Cameron is winning, first to

21 wins!

Cameron serves again. Mitchell returns the hit, it goes back

and forth. Mitchell and Cameron lunge, dive, and GRUNTING

and YELLING trying to reach the ball. Cameron misses the

ball again and falls to the floor.

LILY

(throwing her popcorn down)

You can do it Daddy!

MITCHELL

I know?

LILY

I meant the other Daddy.

Jay rubs his fingers together towards Manny.

JAY

Get ready to fork up again kid.

Cameron puts one hand on the table. He stands up with a

determined look.

CAMERON

No honey! Don’t worry, Fizbo isn’t

going anywhere.

Cameron intensely stares down Mitchell and Mitchell serves.

The ball goes back and forth and then Cameron GRUNTS and

smacks it back. Mitchell lunges over exaggeratedly,

deliberately missing the ball. Cameron, Lily, and Manny

celebrate.

CAMERON

I win! I win!

LILY

Yay! Daddy you saved Fizbo!

Cameron begins to run around the room celebrating. He scoops

Lily up. Mitchell makes eye-contact with Jay, and Mitchell

shrugs with a smirk on his face.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 24.

MANNY

Time to pay up old man!

Jay pulls out his wallet and hands Manny ten, one-dollar

bills.

MANNY INTERVIEW

MANNY

The bet: $10. Finding that ping

pong table: Totally priceless.


Alex, still drenched, runs to the fridge and grabs the

remote. She runs to the couch and tries to place the remote

underneath it. Then, she hits the mouse trap on her hand and

lets out a quiet scream. Luke and Haley enter. Alex runs

into the hallway with the trap in her hand.

HALEY

So if all these clues add up then

the remote should be..

Haley opens the fridge, but her and Luke find nothing.

LUKE

What the heck? Are you sure we did

this right?

HALEY

Are you suggesting that I don’t

know how to read?

LUKE

You probably didn’t look in the

right spot.

Haley and Luke argue. Alex is finally satisfied.

HALEY

Stop, arguing isn’t going to find

it, and my show is on soon.

LUKE

Let’s just look under the couch.

Alex is fed up and bursts from out of the hallway.

ALEX

What is wrong with you two!?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 25.

HALEY

Us? Have you look in the mirror

today?

Claire enters.

CLAIRE

What is all the yelling about?

ALEX

Haley and Luke aren’t arguing like

I planned!

HALEY

Excuse me?

LUKE

What do you mean planned?

Claire looks at the note in Haley’s hand.

CLAIRE

Alex did you try to do your

experiment on your brother and

sister?

ALEX

No, kind of, maybe, yes.

HALEY

Are you kidding me? What is wrong

with you?

LUKE

Not cool Alex.

Haley and Luke walk away together.

CLAIRE

Well, looks like you have some

making up to do.

ALEX

I know, but how am I going to do

another experiment?

CLAIRE

No? I mean’t that you need to

consider what you did today.

ALEX

Like find the answer within the

answer? interesting.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 26.

CLAIRE

How can you not see what I am

talking about?

ALEX

You mean like an experiment within

an experiment? Everything that can

go wrong while trying to do a

study. That could actually work.

CLAIRE

Ok, you clearly do not see what I

am saying.

ALEX

I’ll just make my study about

myself. Good suggestion! Thanks

Mom!

Alex exits.

CLAIRE

Honestly, I do not know where she

gets these crazy idea’s from.

INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - EVENING

Lights are dimmed, Gil and Bruce sit on the couch while Phil

and Gloria stand next to a large wooden box and a black

backdrop behind them.

PHIL INTERVIEW

PHIL

How do you pay tribute to a great

magician like Bruce? You perform

the trick that made him famous.

"The disappearing man".

INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - EVENING

PHIL

In life, we all feel a need to

escape. We see the world around us

and we think to ourselves, man, I

wish I could just disappear. I too

often think the same, but I enjoy

doing it instead.

Phil steps into the box and Gloria closes the lid on him.

She puts a thin cloth over the box. Gloria than proceeds to

pull a medium sized sword from her purse.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 27.

PHIL

(From inside the box)

And now my lovely assistant will

say the magic word.

Gloria stabs a sword into the top of the box, Phil screams.

PHIL

What the hell!?

Gloria tries to pull the sword out of the box, Bruce runs

over to help her. Gil is laughing. Bruce turns the lights

on. Phil jumps out of the box, his suit is ripped down the

middle from his shirt down to his crotch.

PHIL

What are you doing!?

GLORIA

I am sorry! I thought I was suppose

to do that.

PHIL

Where did you get a sword!?

GLORIA

I brought it.

PHIL

Why!?

GLORIA

Well you didn’t bring any!

PHIL

That’s because there is no swords

in this trick!

GLORIA

(Realizing)

Oh... Now I understand why Miguel

was so mad at me when I stab him.

PHIL

Who’s Miguel!?

Phil’s pants fall down due to the cut in his belt.

PHIL

Why does this keep happening today?

28.

INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - KITCHEN

Mitchell pours himself a glass of wine. Cameron walks in and

opens the fridge pulling out a beer. He opens it up.

CAMERON

Nothing like a cold beer after a

victory.

MITCHELL

Well congratulations, I guess I

just can’t compete when it comes to

getting rid of Fizbo.

CAMERON

Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Sometimes the beast awakens when it

gets pushed in a corner. Fizbo was

my corner.

MITCHELL

Well I just want Lily to pick her

own hobby, whether that is a sport,

or flower picking.

CAMERON

Actually, I think she was thinking

about clwon school.

MITCHELL

Cameron, no!

CAMERON

We can discuss it later.

Cameron tosses the cap on the counter and walks away.

Mitchell takes a drink and rolls his eyes. Jay walks in and

puts his hand on Mitchell’s shoulder.

JAY

Yea know, I saw what you did.

MITCHELL

Was it that obvious?

JAY

Was to me. You used to let Claire

win all the time when you were

kids. Plus, I’m kind of glad you

did. I would’ve felt bad taking all

the kid’s money.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 29.

MITCHELL

What? You’ve never feel bad taking

people’s money.

JAY

Yeah, but this time it wasn’t about

the money, it was about letting

Manny win. Turns out we got to bond

after all.

Jay and Mitchell look at Cam and Lilly on the porch again.

JAY CONT’D

Being the winner in the family can

be fun, but the one who keeps

everyone sane is the real champion.

Jay pulls two beers out of the fridge and sets one next to

Mitchell. Jay walks away outside to the patio where you can

see Cameron and Lilly playing together. Mitchell opens the

beer and takes a sip.

EXT. MANSION - DRIVEWAY - EVENING

Phil ties the box back to the top of his car. Gil drives up

in his car.

GIL

Well looks like pigs wont be flying

today. Til next time, the

magnificent dumbo!

Gil drives away laughing, Bruce approaches Phil.

BRUCE

You need any help?

PHIL

No, I got it, I want to say again

how sorry I am for almost

potentially bleeding all over your

floor. I am usually not like this.

BRUCE

Assistants messing up tricks is

something all of us magicians have

to deal with. All that really

showed is that you’re truly one of

us.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 30.

PHIL

Oh my god, this is the proudest

moment of my life.

BRUCE

Don’t get all weird, but here is my

number, for us to talk business.

PHIL

Business? But you signed with Gil

already?

BRUCE

Did I?

PHIL

I saw the signature?

Bruce pulls out the contract, he suddenly makes it vanish

before Phil’s eyes.

PHIL

Oh my god! That was amazing, what

made you change your mind though?

BRUCE

Gil is a good salesman, but that is

all he is. You could say I prefer

to do business with a real,

realtor.

PHIL

You said the line I said earlier!

BRUCE

This doesn’t mean I’m signing with

you right now, but give me a call

when you’re have some actual

numbers and not wearing my pants in

front of me.

Phil shakes hands with Bruce and steps in his car.

PHIL

I’ll be sure to return the pants.

BRUCE

You can keep them, or burn them,

whatever.

END OF ACT THREE

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 31.

TAG


Time has passed, Phil is on the phone.

PHIL

(Into the phone)

No sir, thank you! we will be in

touch soon!

Claire waits for Phil to hang up the phone anxiously. Phil

hangs up.

PHIL CONT’D

(To Claire)

I got the house!

CLAIRE

Oh honey, I am so proud of you.

PHIL

Doesn’t mean I am giving up my

magic though, I never will.

CLAIRE

Yea well we will talk about that...

Claire turns to the fridge, a ball of smoke explodes behind

her. She turns around.

CLAIRE

Phil?

Claire turns her head looking for Phil.

PHIL INTERVIEW

PHIL

The Disappearing Man.

We zoom out on Claire looking for Phil. He is seen hiding

under the kitchen table smiling.

END OF SHOW

The Magnificent Realtor

Documents

Transcript of The Magnificent Realtor