The Legacy of Parenting

Drs. Michael and Mary Shapiro

Leviticus 26

God establishes His authority

God gives his children free will

God makes a promise that he'll be consistent with rewards an punishments, and will never disown his children

God gives his children rules

Deuteronomy 11:18-21

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

Establishing a spiritual legacy

Develop a great relationship

Talk about everything (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)

Make your home a refuge from the world, not a replica of the world

Class 2

Communication and Character

Dads, how do you communicate?

Screaming? Sarcasm?

Communicate while you're distracted?

Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Moms, how do you communicate?

Are you too busy? What tone of voice do you use?

Are you overly CONTROLLING?

Are you a NAG?

Ways to facilitate communication

One-to-one time Communicate nonverbally

PRACTICE! Praise, and be specific

Building Character

TEMPERAMENT (the hard wired part of personality)

Character: The collection of morals and values a person chooses to adopt and put into practice.

.Heart: Your “moral compass.”

Character (continued): Your willingness to obey that compass when it comes to your behavior.

Building character:

Inspire Teach Mold

Points of character

Obedience to authority Honesty and integrity

Respect for others

Class 3: Biblical Discipline

Discipline: An entire system of training behavior, attitudes, and beliefs.

Hebrews 12:5-11 And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not loose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.

Hebrews 12:5-11 (continued)

Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.

Hebrews 12:5-11 (continued)

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Four parenting styles

Uninvolved Permissive

Authoritative Authoritarian

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

Proverbs 13:24:

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

Proverbs 22:15:

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.

Colossians 3:21:

Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged.

Some research

Robert Lazerle, PhD, Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, Dec 2000. “...no detrimental outcomes” as long as punishment wasn't too severe (i.e., abusive)

Sweden: Fourfold increase in child abuse; sixfold increase in teenage violence since corporal punishment was outlawed in 1979.

THE THREE D's

DISOBEDIENCE

DISRESPECT

DANGEROUS BEHAVIOR

Non-corporal punishment

Time out (which is often misused and misunderstood)

Room restriction

Extra work Loss of toys or privileges

Two keys:

Consistency

Persistence

Class 4: Parenting teens and avoiding the pitfalls of the world

Enjoy your teen!

Talk with your teen about everything!

Dealing with extracurricular activities

Luke 14:33 “Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.”

Middle school: One extracurricular activity per child.

If your child is gifted at something, get advice!

Missing church is not (yet) an option.

TV

Watch together, teach the word “inappropriate!”

NO screens in the bedroom!

VIDEO GAMES

30 minutes a day! KNOW what your child is playing!

DON'T BE AFRAID TO TAKE IT AWAY!

Dress and modesty

Is it a sin? Will she get arrested?

Will people still talk to her?

Dating/choosing friends

Help them choose friends who are positive influences.

Make every effort to help them spend time with kids who will help them choose God!

Protect your children from today's culture of early dating and early sexual activity.

Establish your own dating rules.

Final thoughts...

Maintain biblical standards in your home, regardless of your child's behavior.

Matthew 10:21-22

Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Questions????

Drs. Michael and Mary Shapiro

575 Research Drive, Suite C

Athens, Georgia 30605

706-549-5055

drshap@ix.netcom.com