The Giver -...
Transcript of The Giver -...
TheGiver
LoisLowry
Forallthechildren
Towhomweentrustthefuture
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ItwasalmostDecember,andJonaswasbeginningtobefrightened.No.Wrongword,Jonasthought.Frightenedmeantthatdeep,sickeningfeelingofsomethingterribleabouttohappen.Frightenedwasthewayhehadfeltayearagowhenanunidentifiedaircrafthadoverflownthecommunitytwice.Hehadseenitbothtimes.Squintingtowardthesky,hehadseenthesleekjet,almostabluratitshighspeed,gopast,andasecondlaterheardtheblastofsoundthatfollowed.Thenonemoretime,amomentlater,fromtheoppositedirection,thesameplane.
Atfirst,hehadbeenonlyfascinated.Hehadneverseenaircraftsoclose,foritwasagainsttherulesforPilotstoflyoverthecommunity.Occasionally,whensupplieswerede-liveredbycargoplanestothelandingfieldacrosstheriver,thechildrenrodetheirbicyclestotheriverbankandwatched,intrigued,theunloadingandthenthetakeoffdirectedtothewest,alwaysawayfromthecommunity.
Buttheaircraftayearagohadbeendifferent.Itwasnotasquat,fat-belliedcargoplanebutaneedle-nosedsingle-pilotjet.Jonas,lookingaroundanxiously,hadseenothers—adultsaswellaschildren—stopwhattheyweredoingandwait,confused,foranexplanationofthefrighteningevent.
Thenallofthecitizenshadbeenorderedtogointothenearestbuildingandstaythere.IMMEDIATELY,theraspingvoicethroughthespeakershadsaid.LEAVEYOURBICY-CLESWHERETHEYARE.
Instantly,obediently,Jonashaddroppedhisbikeonitssideonthepathbehindhisfamily’sdwelling.Hehadrunindoorsandstayedthere,alone.Hisparentswerebothatwork,andhislittlesister,Lily,wasattheChildcareCenterwhereshespentherafter-schoolhours.
Lookingthroughthefrontwindow,hehadseennopeople:noneofthebusyafternooncrewofStreetCleaners,LandscapeWorkers,andFoodDeliverypeoplewhousuallypopulatedthecommunityatthattimeofday.Hesawonlytheabandonedbikeshereandthereontheirsides;anupturnedwheelononewasstillrevolvingslowly.
Hehadbeenfrightenedthen.Thesenseofhisowncommunitysilent,waiting,hadmadehisstomachchurn.Hehadtrembled.
Butithadbeennothing.Withinminutesthespeakershadcrackledagain,andthevoice,reassuringnowandlessurgent,hadexplainedthataPilot-in-Traininghadmisreadhisnavigationalinstructionsandmadeawrongturn.DesperatelythePilothadbeentryingtomakehiswaybackbeforehiserrorwasnoticed.
NEEDLESSTOSAY,HEWILLBERELEASED,thevoice
hadsaid,followedbysilence.Therewasanironictonetothatfinalmessage,asiftheSpeakerfounditamusing;andJonashadsmiledalittle,thoughheknewwhatagrimstatementithadbeen.Foracontributingcitizentobere-leasedfromthecommunitywasafinaldecision,aterriblepunishment,anoverwhelmingstatementoffailure.
Eventhechildrenwerescoldediftheyusedthetermlightlyatplay,jeeringatateammatewhomissedacatchorstumbledinarace.Jonashaddoneitonce,hadshoutedathisbestfriend,“That’sit,Asher!You’rereleased!”whenAsher’sclumsyerrorhadlostamatchforhisteam.Hehadbeentakenasideforabriefandserioustalkbythecoach,hadhunghisheadwithguiltandembarrassment,andapologizedtoAsherafterthegame.
Now,thinkingaboutthefeelingoffearashepedaledhomealongtheriverpath,herememberedthatmomentofpalpable,stomach-sinkingterrorwhentheaircrafthadstreakedabove.Itwasnotwhathewas
feelingnowwithDecemberapproaching.Hesearchedfortherightwordtodescribehisownfeeling.
Jonaswascarefulaboutlanguage.Notlikehisfriend,Asher,whotalkedtoofastandmixedthingsup,scramblingwordsandphrasesuntiltheywerebarelyrecognizableandoftenveryfunny.
Jonasgrinned,rememberingthemorningthatAsherhaddashedintotheclassroom,lateasusual,arrivingbreathlesslyinthemiddleofthechantingofthemorninganthem.Whentheclasstooktheirseatsattheconclusionofthepatriotichymn,Asherremainedstandingtomakehispublicapologyaswasrequired.
“Iapologizeforinconveniencingmylearningcommunity.”Asherranthroughthestandardapologyphraserap-idly,stillcatchinghisbreath.TheInstructorandclasswaitedpatientlyforhisexplanation.Thestudentshadallbeengrinning,becausetheyhadlistenedtoAsher’sexplanationssomanytimesbefore.
“IlefthomeatthecorrecttimebutwhenIwasridingalongnearthehatchery,thecrewwasseparatingsomesalmon.IguessIjustgotdistraught,watchingthem.
“Iapologizetomyclassmates,”Asherconcluded.Hesmoothedhisrumpledtunicandsatdown.
“Weacceptyourapology,Asher.”Theclassrecitedthestandardresponseinunison.Manyofthestudentswerebitingtheirlipstokeepfromlaughing.
“Iacceptyourapology,Asher,”theInstructorsaid.Hewassmiling.“AndIthankyou,becauseonceagainyouhaveprovidedanopportunityforalessoninlanguage.‘Distraught’istoostronganadjectivetodescribesalmon-viewing.”Heturnedandwrote“distraught”onthe
instructionalboard.Besideithewrote“distracted.”
Jonas,nearinghishomenow,smiledattherecollection.Thinking,still,ashewheeledhisbikeintoitsnarrowportbesidethedoor,herealizedthatfrightenedwasthewrongwordtodescribehisfeelings,nowthatDecemberwasal-mosthere.Itwastoostronganadjective.
HehadwaitedalongtimeforthisspecialDecember.Nowthatitwasalmostuponhim,hewasn’tfrightened,buthewas...eager,hedecided.Hewaseagerforittocome.Andhewasexcited,certainly.AlloftheElevenswereexcitedabouttheeventthatwouldbecomingsosoon.
Buttherewasalittleshudderofnervousnesswhenhe
thoughtaboutit,aboutwhatmighthappen.
Apprehensive,Jonasdecided.That’swhatIam.
“Whowantstobethefirsttonight,forfeelings?”Jonas’sfatherasked,attheconclusionoftheireveningmeal.
Itwasoneoftherituals,theeveningtellingoffeelings.
SometimesJonasandhissister,Lily,arguedoverturns,overwhowouldgettogofirst.Theirparents,ofcourse,werepartoftheritual;they,too,toldtheirfeelingseachevening.Butlikeallparents—alladults—theydidn’tfightandwheedlefortheirturn.
NordidJonas,tonight.Hisfeelingsweretoocomplicatedthisevening.Hewantedtosharethem,buthewasn’teagertobegintheprocessofsiftingthroughhisowncomplicatedemotions,evenwiththehelpthatheknewhisparentscouldgive.
“Yougo,Lily,”hesaid,seeinghissister,whowasmuchyounger—onlyaSeven—wigglingwithimpatienceinherchair.
“Ifeltveryangrythisafternoon,”Lilyannounced.“MyChildcaregroupwasattheplayarea,andwehadavisitinggroupofSevens,andtheydidn’tobeytherulesatall.Oneofthem—amale;Idon’tknowhisname—keptgoingrighttothefrontofthelinefortheslide,eventhoughtherestofuswereallwaiting.Ifeltsoangryathim.Imademyhandintoafist,likethis.”Sheheldupaclenchedfistandtherestofthefamilysmiledathersmalldefiantgesture.
“Whydoyouthinkthevisitorsdidn’tobeytherules?”Motherasked.
Lilyconsidered,andshookherhead.“Idon’tknow.Theyactedlike...like...”
“Animals?”Jonassuggested.Helaughed.
“That’sright,”Lilysaid,laughingtoo.“Likeanimals.”Neitherchildknewwhatthewordmeant,exactly,butitwasoftenusedtodescribesomeoneuneducatedorclumsy,someonewhodidn’tfitin.
“Wherewerethevisitorsfrom?”Fatherasked.
Lilyfrowned,tryingtoremember.“Ourleadertoldus,whenhemadethewelcomespeech,butIcan’tremember.IguessIwasn’tpayingattention.Itwasfromanothercommunity.Theyhadtoleaveveryearly,andtheyhadtheirmiddaymealonthebus.”
Mothernodded.“Doyouthinkit’spossiblethattheirrulesmaybedifferent?Andsotheysimplydidn’tknowwhatyourplayarearuleswere?”
Lilyshrugged,andnodded.“Isuppose.”
“You’vevisitedothercommunities,haven’tyou?”Jonasasked.“Mygrouphas,often.”
Lilynoddedagain.“WhenwewereSixes,wewentandsharedawholeschooldaywithagroupofSixesintheircommunity.”
“Howdidyoufeelwhenyouwerethere?”
Lilyfrowned.“Ifeltstrange.Becausetheirmethodsweredifferent.Theywerelearningusagesthatmygrouphadn’tlearnedyet,sowefeltstupid.”
Fatherwaslisteningwithinterest.“I’mthinking,Lily,”hesaid,“abouttheboywhodidn’tobeytherulestoday.Doyouthinkit’spossiblethathefeltstrangeandstupid,beinginanewplacewithrulesthathedidn’tknowabout?”
Lilyponderedthat.“Yes,”shesaid,finally.
“Ifeelalittlesorryforhim,”Jonassaid,“eventhoughIdon’tevenknowhim.Ifeelsorryforanyonewhoisinaplacewherehefeelsstrangeandstupid.”
“Howdoyoufeelnow,Lily?”Fatherasked.“Stillangry?”
“Iguessnot,”Lilydecided.“IguessIfeelalittlesorryforhim.AndsorryImadeafist.”Shegrinned.
Jonassmiledbackathissister.Lily’sfeelingswerealwaysstraightforward,fairlysimple,usuallyeasytore-solve.Heguessedthathisownhadbeen,too,whenhewasaSeven.
Helistenedpolitely,thoughnotveryattentively,whilehisfathertookhisturn,describingafeelingofworrythathe’dhadthatdayatwork:aconcernaboutoneofthenewchildrenwhowasn’tdoingwell.Jonas’sfather’stitlewasNurturer.HeandtheotherNurturerswereresponsibleforallthephysicalandemotionalneedsofeverynew-childduringitsearliestlife.Itwasaveryimportantjob,Jonasknew,butitwasn’tone
thatinterestedhimmuch.
“Whatgenderisit?”Lilyasked.
“Male,”Fathersaid.“He’sasweetlittlemalewithalovelydisposition.Butheisn’tgrowingasfastasheshould,andhedoesn’tsleepsoundly.Wehavehimintheextracaresectionforsupplementarynurturing,butthecommittee’sbeginningtotalkaboutreleasinghim.”
“Oh,no,”Mothermurmuredsympathetically.“Iknowhowsadthatmustmakeyoufeel.”
JonasandLilybothnoddedsympatheticallyaswell.Releaseofnewchildrenwasalwayssad,becausetheyhadn’thadachancetoenjoylifewithinthecommunityyet.Andtheyhadn’tdoneanythingwrong.
Therewereonlytwooccasionsofreleasewhichwerenotpunishment.Releaseoftheelderly,whichwasatimeofcelebrationforalifewellandfullylived;andreleaseofanewchild,whichalwaysbroughtasenseofwhat-could-we-have-done.ThiswasespeciallytroublingfortheNurturers,likeFather,whofelttheyhadfailedsomehow.Butithappenedveryrarely.
“Well,”Fathersaid,“I’mgoingtokeeptrying.Imay
askthecommitteeforpermissiontobringhimhereatnight,ifyoudon’tmind.Youknowwhatthenight-crewNurturersarelike.Ithinkthislittleguyneedssomethingextra.”
“Ofcourse,”Mothersaid,andJonasandLilynodded.TheyhadheardFathercomplainaboutthenightcrewbe-fore.Itwasalesserjob,night-crewnurturing,assignedtothosewholackedtheinterestorskillsorinsightforthemorevitaljobsofthedaytimehours.Mostofthepeopleonthenightcrewhadnotevenbeengivenspousesbecausetheylacked,somehow,theessentialcapacitytoconnecttoothers,whichwasrequired
forthecreationofafamilyunit.
“Maybewecouldevenkeephim,”Lilysuggestedsweetly,tryingtolookinnocent.Thelookwasfake,Jonasknew;theyallknew.
“Lily,”Motherremindedher,smiling,“youknowtherules.”
Twochildren—onemale,onefemale—toeachfamilyunit.Itwaswrittenveryclearlyintherules.
Lilygiggled.“Well,”shesaid,“Ithoughtmaybejustthisonce.”
Next,Mother,whoheldaprominentpositionattheDepartmentofJustice,talkedaboutherfeelings.Todayare-peatoffenderhadbeenbroughtbeforeher,someonewhohadbrokentherulesbefore.Someonewhoshehopedhadbeenadequatelyandfairlypunished,andwhohadbeenrestoredtohisplace:tohisjob,hishome,hisfamilyunit.Toseehimbroughtbeforeherasecondtimecausedheroverwhelmingfeelingsoffrustrationandanger.Andevenguilt,thatshehadn’tmadeadifferenceinhislife.
“Ifeelfrightened,too,forhim,”sheconfessed.“Youknowthatthere’snothirdchance.Therulessaythatifthere’sathirdtransgression,hesimplyhastobereleased.”Jonasshivered.Heknewithappened.TherewasevenaboyinhisgroupofElevenswhosefatherhadbeenreleasedyearsbefore.Nooneevermentionedit;thedisgracewasunspeakable.Itwashardtoimagine.
Lilystoodupandwenttohermother.Shestrokedhermother’sarm.
Fromhisplaceatthetable,Fatherreachedoverandtookherhand.Jonasreachedfortheother.
Onebyone,theycomfortedher.Soonshesmiled,thankedthem,andmurmuredthatshefeltsoothed.
Theritualcontinued.“Jonas?”Fatherasked.“You’relast,tonight.”
Jonassighed.Thiseveninghealmostwouldhavepreferredtokeephisfeelingshidden.Butitwas,ofcourse,againsttherules.
“I’mfeelingapprehensive,”heconfessed,gladthattheappropriatedescriptivewordhadfinallycometohim.
“Whyisthat,son?”Hisfatherlookedconcerned.
“Iknowthere’sreallynothingtoworryabout,”Jonasexplained,“andthateveryadulthasbeenthroughit.Iknowyouhave,Father,andyoutoo,Mother.Butit’stheCeremonythatI’mapprehensiveabout.It’salmostDecember.”
Lilylookedup,hereyeswide.“TheCeremonyofTwelve,”shewhisperedinanawedvoice.Eventhesmallestchildren—Lily’sageandyounger—knewthatitlayinthefutureforeachofthem.
“I’mgladyoutoldusofyourfeelings,”Fathersaid.
“Lily,”Mothersaid,beckoningtothelittlegirl,“Goonnowandgetintoyournightclothes.FatherandIaregoingtostayhereandtalktoJonasforawhile.”
Lilysighed,butobedientlyshegotdownfromherchair.“Privately?”sheasked.
Mothernodded.“Yes,”shesaid,“thistalkwillbeaprivateonewithJonas.”
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Jonaswatchedashisfatherpouredafreshcupofcoffee.Hewaited.
“Youknow,”hisfatherfinallysaid,“everyDecemberwasexcitingtomewhenIwasyoung.AndithasbeenforyouandLily,too,I’msure.EachDecemberbringssuchchanges.”
Jonasnodded.HecouldremembertheDecembersbacktowhenhehadbecome,well,probablyaFour.Theearlieroneswerelosttohim.Butheobservedthemeachyear,andherememberedLily’searliestDecembers.HerememberedwhenhisfamilyreceivedLily,thedayshewasnamed,thedaythatshehadbecomeaOne.
TheCeremonyfortheOneswasalwaysnoisyandfun.EachDecember,allthenewchildrenborninthepreviousyearturnedOne.Oneatatime—therewerealwaysfiftyineachyear’sgroup,ifnonehadbeenreleased—theyhadbeenbroughttothestagebytheNurturerswhohadcaredforthemsincebirth.Somewerealreadywalking,wobblyontheirunsteadylegs;otherswerenomorethanafewdaysold,wrappedinblankets,heldbytheirNurturers.
“IenjoytheNaming,”Jonassaid.
Hismotheragreed,smiling.“TheyearwegotLily,weknew,ofcourse,thatwe’dreceiveourfemale,becausewe’dmadeourapplicationandbeenapproved.ButI’dbeenwonderingandwonderingwhathernamewouldbe.
“Icouldhavesneakedalookatthelistpriortotheceremony,”Fatherconfided.“Thecommitteealwaysmakesthelistinadvance,andit’srightthereintheofficeattheNurturingCenter.
“Asamatteroffact,”hewenton,“Ifeelalittleguiltyaboutthis.ButIdidgointhisafternoonandlookedtoseeifthisyear’sNaminglisthadbeenmadeyet.Itwasrightthereintheoffice,andIlookedupnumberThirty-six—that’sthelittleguyI’vebeenconcernedabout—becauseitoccurredtomethatitmightenhancehisnurturingifIcouldcallhimbya
name.Justprivately,ofcourse,whennooneelseisaround.”
“Didyoufindit?”Jonasasked.Hewasfascinated.Itdidn’tseematerriblyimportantrule,butthefactthathisfatherhadbrokenaruleatallawedhim.Heglancedathismother,theoneresponsibleforadherencetotherules,andwasrelievedthatshewassmiling.
Hisfathernodded.“Hisname—ifhemakesittotheNamingwithoutbeingreleased,ofcourse—istobeGabriel.SoIwhisperthattohimwhenIfeedhimeveryfourhours,andduringexerciseandplaytime.Ifnoonecanhearme.
“IcallhimGabe,actually,”hesaid,andgrinned.
“Gabe.”Jonastrieditout.Agoodname,hedecided.
ThoughJonashadonlybecomeaFivetheyearthattheyacquiredLilyandlearnedhername,herememberedtheexcitement,theconversationsathome,wonderingabouther:howshewouldlook,whoshewouldbe,howshewouldfitintotheirestablishedfamilyunit.Here-memberedclimbingthestepstothestagewithhisparents,hisfatherbyhissidethatyearinsteadofwiththeNurturers,sinceitwastheyearthathewouldbegivenanew-childofhisown.
Herememberedhismothertakingthenewchild,hissister,intoherarms,whilethedocumentwasreadtotheassembledfamilyunits.“NewchildTwenty-three,”theNamerhadread.“Lily.”
Herememberedhisfather’slookofdelight,andthathisfatherhadwhispered,“She’soneofmyfavorites.Iwashopingforhertobetheone.”Thecrowdhadclapped,andJonashadgrinned.Helikedhissister’sname.Lily,barelyawake,hadwavedhersmallfist.Thentheyhadsteppeddowntomakeroomforthenextfamilyunit.
“WhenIwasanEleven,”hisfathersaidnow,“asyouare,Jonas,Iwas
veryimpatient,waitingfortheCeremonyofTwelve.It’salongtwodays.IrememberthatIenjoyedtheOnes,asIalwaysdo,butthatIdidn’tpaymuchattentiontotheotherceremonies,exceptformysister’s.ShebecameaNinethatyear,andgotherbicycle.I’dbeenteachinghertoridemine,eventhoughtechnicallyIwasn’tsupposedto.”
Jonaslaughed.Itwasoneofthefewrulesthatwasnottakenveryseriouslyandwasalmostalwaysbroken.ThechildrenallreceivedtheirbicyclesatNine;theywerenotallowedtoridebicyclesbeforethen.Butalmostalways,theolderbrothersandsistershadsecretlytaughttheyoungerones.JonashadbeenthinkingalreadyaboutteachingLily.
Therewastalkaboutchangingtheruleandgivingthebicyclesatanearlierage.Acommitteewasstudyingtheidea.Whensomethingwenttoacommitteeforstudy,thepeoplealwaysjokedaboutit.TheysaidthatthecommitteememberswouldbecomeEldersbythetimetherulechangewasmade.
Ruleswereveryhardtochange.Sometimes,ifitwasaveryimportantrule—unliketheonegoverningtheageforbicycles—itwouldhavetogo,eventually,toTheRe-ceiverforadecision.TheReceiverwasthemostimportantElder.Jonashadneverevenseenhim,thatheknewof;someoneinapositionofsuchimportancelivedandworkedalone.ButthecommitteewouldneverbotherTheReceiverwithaquestionaboutbicycles;theywouldsimplyfretandargueaboutitthemselvesforyears,untilthecitizensforgotthatithadevergonetothemforstudy.
Hisfathercontinued.“SoIwatchedandcheeredwhenmysister,Katya,becameaNineandremovedherhairribbonsandgotherbicycle,”Fatherwenton.“ThenIdidn’tpaymuchattentiontotheTensandElevens.Andfinally,attheendofthesecondday,whichseemedtogoonforever,itwasmyturn.ItwastheCeremonyofTwelve.”
Jonasshivered.Hepicturedhisfather,whomusthavebeenashyand
quietboy,forhewasashyandquietman,seatedwithhisgroup,waitingtobecalledtothestage.
TheCeremonyofTwelvewasthelastoftheCeremonies.
Themostimportant.
“Irememberhowproudmyparentslooked—andmysister,too;eventhoughshewantedtobeoutridingthebicyclepublicly,shestoppedfidgetingandwasverystillandattentivewhenmyturncame.
“Buttobehonest,Jonas,”hisfathersaid,“formetherewasnottheelementofsuspensethatthereiswithyourCeremony.BecauseIwasalreadyfairlycertainofwhatmyAssignmentwastobe.”
Jonaswassurprised.Therewasnoway,really,toknowinadvance.Itwasasecretselection,madebytheleadersofthecommunity,theCommitteeofElders,whotooktheresponsibilitysoseriouslythattherewereneverevenanyjokesmadeaboutAssignments.
Hismotherseemedsurprised,too.“Howcouldyouhaveknown?”sheasked.
Hisfathersmiledhisgentlesmile.“Well,itwascleartome—andmyparentslaterconfessedthatithadbeenobvioustothem,too—whatmyaptitudewas.Ihadalwayslovedthenewchildrenmorethananything.Whenmyfriendsinmyagegroupwereholdingbicycleraces,orbuildingtoyvehiclesorbridgeswiththeirconstructionsets,or—“
“AllthethingsIdowithmyfriends,”Jonaspointedout,andhismothernoddedinagreement.
“Ialwaysparticipated,ofcourse,becauseaschildrenwemustexperienceallofthosethings.AndIstudiedhardinschool,asyoudo,Jonas.Butagainandagain,duringfreetime,Ifoundmyselfdrawntothe
newchildren.Ispental-mostallofmyvolunteerhourshelpingintheNurturingCenter.OfcoursetheEldersknewthat,fromtheirobservation.”
Jonasnodded.Duringthepastyearhehadbeenawareoftheincreasinglevelofobservation.Inschool,atrecreationtime,andduringvolunteerhours,hehadnoticedtheElderswatchinghimandtheotherElevens.Hehadseenthemtakingnotes.Heknew,too,thattheEldersweremeetingforlonghourswithalloftheinstructorsthatheandtheotherElevenshadhadduringtheiryearsofschool.
“SoIexpectedit,andIwaspleased,butnotatallsurprised,whenmyAssignmentwasannouncedasNurturer,”Fatherexplained.
“Dideveryoneapplaud,eventhoughtheyweren’tsurprised?”Jonasasked.
“Oh,ofcourse.Theywerehappyforme,thatmyAssignmentwaswhatIwantedmost.Ifeltveryfortunate.”Hisfathersmiled.
“WereanyoftheElevensdisappointed,youryear?”Jonasasked.Unlikehisfather,hehadnoideawhathisAssignmentwouldbe.Butheknewthatsomewoulddisappointhim.Thoughherespectedhisfather’swork,Nurturerwouldnotbehiswish.Andhedidn’tenvyLaborersatall.
Hisfatherthought.“No,Idon’tthinkso.OfcoursetheEldersaresocarefulintheirobservationsandselections.”
“Ithinkit’sprobablythemostimportantjobinourcommunity,”hismothercommented.
“MyfriendYoshikowassurprisedbyherselectionasDoctor,”Fathersaid,“butshewasthrilled.Andlet’ssee,therewasAndrei—Irememberthatwhenwewereboysheneverwantedtodophysicalthings.Hespentalltherecreationtimehecouldwithhisconstructionset,andhis
volunteerhourswerealwaysonbuildingsites.TheEldersknewthat,ofcourse.AndreiwasgiventheAssignmentofEngineerandhewasdelighted.”
“Andreilaterdesignedthebridgethatcrossestherivertothewestoftown,”Jonas’smothersaid.“Itwasn’ttherewhenwewerechildren.”
“Thereareveryrarelydisappointments,Jonas.Idon’tthinkyouneedtoworryaboutthat,”hisfatherreassuredhim.“Andifthereare,youknowthere’sanappealprocess.”Buttheyalllaughedatthat—anappealwenttoacommitteeforstudy.
“IworryalittleaboutAsher’sAssignment,”Jonasconfessed.“Asher’ssuchfun.Buthedoesn’treallyhaveanyseriousinterests.Hemakesagameoutofeverything.”
Hisfatherchuckled.“Youknow,”hesaid,“Ire-memberwhenAsherwasanewchildattheNurturingCenter,beforehewasnamed.Henevercried.Hegiggledandlaughedateverything.AllofusonthestaffenjoyednurturingAsher.”
“TheEldersknowAsher,”hismothersaid.“They’llfindexactlytherightAssignmentforhim.Idon’tthinkyouneedtoworryabouthim.But,Jonas,letmewarnyouaboutsomethingthatmaynothaveoccurredtoyou.IknowIdidn’tthinkaboutituntilaftermyCeremonyofTwelve.”
“What’sthat?”
“Well,it’sthelastoftheCeremonies,asyouknow.AfterTwelve,ageisn’timportant.Mostofusevenlosetrackofhowoldweareastimepasses,thoughtheinformationisintheHallofOpenRecords,andwecouldgoandlookitupifwewantedto.What’simportantisthepreparationforadultlife,andthetrainingyou’llreceiveinyourAssignment.”
“Iknowthat,”Jonassaid.“Everyoneknowsthat.”
“Butitmeans,”hismotherwenton,“thatyou’llmoveintoanewgroup.Andeachofyourfriendswill.You’llnolongerbespendingyourtimewithyourgroupofElevens.AftertheCeremonyofTwelve,you’llbewithyourAssignmentgroup,withthoseintraining.Nomorevolunteerhours.Nomorerecreationhours.Soyourfriendswillnolongerbeasclose.”
Jonasshookhishead.“AsherandIwillalwaysbefriends,”hesaidfirmly.“Andtherewillstillbeschool.”
“That’strue,”hisfatheragreed.“Butwhatyourmothersaidistrueaswell.Therewillbechanges.”
“Goodchanges,though,”hismotherpointedout.“AftermyCeremonyofTwelve,Imissedmychildhoodrecreation.ButwhenIenteredmytrainingforLawandJustice,Ifoundmyselfwithpeoplewhosharedmyinterests.Imadefriendsonanewlevel,friendsofallages.”
“Didyoustillplayatall,afterTwelve?”Jonasasked.
“Occasionally,”hismotherreplied.“Butitdidn’tseemasimportanttome.”
“Idid,”hisfathersaid,laughing.“Istilldo.Everyday,attheNurturingCenter,Iplaybounce-on-the-knee,andpeek-a-boo,andhug-the-teddy.”HereachedoverandstrokedJonas’sneatlytrimmedhair.“Fundoesn’tendwhenyoubecomeTwelve.”
Lilyappeared,wearinghernightclothes,inthedoor-way.Shegaveanimpatientsigh.“Thisiscertainlyaverylongprivateconversation,”shesaid.“Andtherearecertainpeoplewaitingfortheircomfortobject.”
“Lily,”hermothersaidfondly,“you’reveryclosetobeinganEight,
andwhenyou’reanEight,yourcomfortobjectwillbetakenaway.Itwillberecycledtotheyoungerchildren.Youshouldbestartingtogoofftosleepwithoutit.”
Butherfatherhadalreadygonetotheshelfandtakendownthestuffedelephantwhichwaskeptthere.Manyofthecomfortobjects,likeLily’s,weresoft,stuffed,imaginarycreatures.Jonas’shadbeencalledabear.
“Hereyouare,Lily-billy,”hesaid.“I’llcomehelpyouremoveyourhairribbons.”
Jonasandhismotherrolledtheireyes,yettheywatchedaffectionatelyasLilyandherfatherheadedtohersleeping-roomwiththestuffedelephantthathadbeengiventoherashercomfortobjectwhenshewasborn.Hismothermovedtoherbigdeskandopenedherbriefcase;herworkneverseemedtoend,evenwhenshewasathomeintheevening.Jonaswenttohisowndeskandbegantosortthroughhisschoolpapersfortheevening’sassignment.ButhismindwasstillonDecemberandthecomingCeremony.
Thoughhehadbeenreassuredbythetalkwithhisparents,hehadn’ttheslightestideawhatAssignmenttheElderswouldbeselectingforhisfuture,orhowhemightfeelaboutitwhenthedaycame.
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“Oh,look!”Lilysquealedindelight.“Isn’thecute?Lookhowtinyheis!Andhehasfunnyeyeslikeyours,Jonas!”Jonasglaredather.Hedidn’tlikeitthatshehadmentionedhiseyes.HewaitedforhisfathertochastiseLily.ButFatherwasbusyunstrappingthecarryingbasketfromthebackofhisbicycle.Jonaswalkedovertolook.
ItwasthefirstthingJonasnoticedashelookedatthenewchildpeeringupcuriouslyfromthebasket.Thepaleeyes.
Almosteverycitizeninthecommunityhaddarkeyes.Hisparentsdid,andLilydid,andsodidallofhisgroupmembersandfriends.Buttherewereafewexceptions:Jonashimself,andafemaleFivewhohehadnoticedhadthedifferent,lightereyes.Noonementionedsuchthings;itwasnotarule,butwasconsideredrudetocallattentiontothingsthatwereunsettlingordifferentaboutindividuals.Lily,hedecided,wouldhavetolearnthatsoon,orshewouldbecalledinforchastisementbecauseofherin-sensitivechatter.
Fatherputhisbikeintoitsport.Thenhepickedupthebasketandcarrieditintothehouse.Lilyfollowedbehind,butsheglancedbackoverhershoulderatJonasandteased,“MaybehehadthesameBirthmotherasyou.”
Jonasshrugged.Hefollowedtheminside.Buthehadbeenstartledbythenewchild’seyes.Mirrorswererareinthecommunity;theyweren’tforbidden,buttherewasnorealneedofthem,andJonashadsimplyneverbotheredtolookathimselfveryoftenevenwhenhefoundhimselfinalocationwhereamirrorexisted.Now,seeingthenewchildanditsexpression,hewasremindedthatthelighteyeswerenotonlyararitybutgavetheonewhohadthemacertainlook—whatwasit?Depth,hedecided;asifonewerelookingintotheclearwateroftheriver,downtothebottom,wherethingsmightlurkwhichhadn’tbeendiscoveredyet.Hefeltself-conscious,realizingthathe,too,hadthatlook.
Hewenttohisdesk,pretendingnottobeinterestedinthenewchild.Ontheothersideoftheroom,MotherandLilywerebendingovertowatchasFatherunwrappeditsblanket.
“What’shiscomfortobjectcalled?”Lilyasked,pickingupthestuffedcreaturewhichhadbeenplacedbesidethenewchildinhisbasket.
Fatherglancedatit.“Hippo,”hesaid.
Lilygiggledatthestrangeword.“Hippo,”sherepeated,andputthecomfortobjectdownagain.Shepeeredattheunwrappednewchild,whowavedhisarms.
“Ithinknewchildrenaresocute,”Lilysighed.“IhopeIgetassignedtobeaBirthmother.”
“Lily!”Motherspokeverysharply.“Don’tsaythat.There’sverylittlehonorinthatAssignment.”
“ButIwastalkingtoNatasha.YouknowtheTenwholivesaroundthecorner?ShedoessomeofhervolunteerhoursattheBirthingCenter.AndshetoldmethattheBirthmothersgetwonderfulfood,andtheyhaveverygentleexerciseperiods,andmostofthetimetheyjustplaygamesandamusethemselveswhilethey’rewaiting.IthinkI’dlikethat,”Lilysaidpetulantly.
“Threeyears,”Mothertoldherfirmly.“Threebirths,andthat’sall.AfterthattheyareLaborersfortherestoftheiradultlives,untilthedaythattheyentertheHouseoftheOld.Isthatwhatyouwant,Lily?Threelazyyears,andthenhardphysicallaboruntilyouareold?”
“Well,no,Iguessnot,”Lilyacknowledgedreluctantly.
Fatherturnedthenewchildontohistummyinthebasket.Hesatbesideitandrubbeditssmallbackwitharhythmicmotion.“Anyway,Lily-billy,”hesaidaffectionately,“theBirthmothersneverevengettoseenewchildren.Ifyouenjoythelittleonessomuch,youshouldhopeforanAssignmentasNurturer.”
“Whenyou’reanEightandstartyourvolunteerhours,youcantrysomeattheNurturingCenter,”Mothersuggested.
“Yes,IthinkIwill,”Lilysaid.Shekneltbesidethebasket.“Whatdidyousayhisnameis?Gabriel?Hello,Gabriel,”shesaidinasingsong
voice.Thenshegiggled.“Ooops,”shewhispered.“Ithinkhe’sasleep.IguessI’dbetterbequiet.”
Jonasturnedtotheschoolassignmentsonhisdesk.Somechanceofthat,hethought.Lilywasneverquiet.ProbablysheshouldhopeforanAssignmentasSpeaker,sothatshecouldsitintheofficewiththemicrophoneallday,makingannouncements.Helaughedsilentlytohim-self,picturinghissisterdroningonintheself-importantvoicethatalltheSpeakersseemedtodevelop,sayingthingslike,ATTENTION.THISISAREMINDERTOFEMALESUNDERNINETHATHAIRRIBBONSARETOBENEATLYTIEDATALLTIMES.
HeturnedtowardLilyandnoticedtohissatisfactionthatherribbonswere,asusual,undoneanddangling.Therewouldbeanannouncementlikethatquitesoon,hefeltcertain,anditwouldbedirectedmainlyatLily,thoughhername,ofcourse,wouldnotbementioned.Everyonewouldknow.
Everyonehadknown,herememberedwithhumiliation,thattheannouncementATTENTION.THISISAREMINDERTOMALEELEVENSTHATOBJECTSARENOTTOBEREMOVEDFROMTHERECREATIONAREAANDTHATSNACKSARETOBEEATEN,NOTHOARDEDhadbeenspecificallydirectedathim,thedaylastmonththathehadtakenanapplehome.Noonehadmentionedit,notevenhisparents,becausethepublicannouncementhadbeensufficienttoproducetheappropriateremorse.Hehad,ofcourse,disposedoftheappleandmadehisapologytotheRecreationDirectorthenextmorning,beforeschool.
Jonasthoughtagainaboutthatincident.Hewasstillbewilderedbyit.Notbytheannouncementorthenecessaryapology;thosewerestandardprocedures,andhehaddeservedthem—butbytheincidentitself.Heprobablyshouldhavebroughtuphisfeelingofbewildermentthatveryeveningwhenthefamilyunithadsharedtheirfeelingsoftheday.Buthe
hadnotbeenabletosortoutandputwordstothesourceofhisconfusion,sohehadletitpass.
Ithadhappenedduringtherecreationperiod,whenhehadbeenplayingwithAsher.Jonashadcasuallypickedupanapplefromthebasketwherethesnackswerekept,andhadthrownittohisfriend.Asherhadthrownitback,andtheyhadbegunasimplegameofcatch.
Therehadbeennothingspecialaboutit;itwasanactivitythathehadperformedcountlesstimes:throw,catch;throw,catch.ItwaseffortlessforJonas,andevenboring,thoughAsherenjoyedit,andplayingcatchwasarequiredactivityforAsherbecauseitwouldimprovehishand-eyecoordination,whichwasnotuptostandards.
ButsuddenlyJonashadnoticed,followingthepathoftheapplethroughtheairwithhiseyes,thatthepieceoffruithad—well,thiswasthepartthathecouldn’tadequatelyunderstand—theapplehadchanged.Justforaninstant.Ithadchangedinmid-air,heremembered.Thenitwasinhishand,andhelookedatitcarefully,butitwasthesameapple.Unchanged.Thesamesizeandshape:aperfectsphere.Thesamenondescriptshade,aboutthesameshadeashisowntunic.
Therewasabsolutelynothingremarkableaboutthatapple.Hehadtosseditbackandforthbetweenhishandsafewtimes,thenthrownitagaintoAsher.Andagain—intheair,foraninstantonly—ithadchanged.
Ithadhappenedfourtimes.Jonashadblinked,lookedaround,andthentestedhiseyesight,squintingatthesmallprintontheidentificationbadgeattachedtohistunic.Hereadhisnamequiteclearly.HecouldalsoclearlyseeAsherattheotherendofthethrowingarea.Andhehadhadnoproblemcatchingtheapple.
Jonashadbeencompletelymystified.
“Ash?”hehadcalled.“Doesanythingseemstrangetoyou?Abouttheapple?”
“Yes,”Ashercalledback,laughing.“Itjumpsoutofmyhandontotheground!”Asherhadjustdroppeditonceagain.
SoJonaslaughedtoo,andwithhislaughtertriedtoignorehisuneasyconvictionthatsomethinghadhappened.Buthehadtakentheapplehome,againsttherecreationarearules.Thatevening,beforehisparentsandLilyarrivedatthedwelling,hehadhelditinhishandsandlookedatitcarefully.Itwasslightlybruisednow,becauseAsherhaddroppeditseveraltimes.Buttherewasnothingatallunusualabouttheapple.
Hehadheldamagnifyingglasstoit.Hehadtosseditseveraltimesacrosstheroom,watching,andthenrolleditaroundandaroundonhisdesktop,waitingforthethingtohappenagain.
Butithadn’t.Theonlythingthathappenedwastheannouncementlaterthateveningoverthespeaker,theannouncementthathadsingledhimoutwithoutusinghisname,thathadcausedbothofhisparentstoglancemeaningfullyathisdeskwheretheapplestilllay.
Now,sittingathisdesk,staringathisschoolworkashisfamilyhoveredoverthenewchildinitsbasket,heshookhishead,tryingtoforgettheoddincident.Heforcedhim-selftoarrangehispapersandtrytostudyalittlebeforetheeveningmeal.Thenewchild,Gabriel,stirredandwhimpered,andFatherspokesoftlytoLily,explainingthefeedingprocedureasheopenedthecontainerthatheldtheformulaandequipment.
Theeveningproceededasalleveningsdidinthefamilyunit,inthedwelling,inthecommunity:quiet,reflective,atimeforrenewalandpreparationforthedaytocome.Itwasdifferentonlyintheadditiontoitofthenewchildwithhispale,solemn,knowingeyes.
4
Jonasrodeataleisurelypace,glancingatthebikeportsbesidethebuildingstoseeifhecouldspotAsher’s.Hedidn’toftendohisvolunteerhourswithhisfriendbecauseAsherfrequentlyfooledaroundandmadeseriousworkalittledifficult.Butnow,withTwelvecomingsosoonandthevolunteerhoursending,itdidn’tseemtomatter.
ThefreedomtochoosewheretospendthosehourshadalwaysseemedawonderfulluxurytoJonas;otherhoursofthedayweresocarefullyregulated.
HerememberedwhenhehadbecomeanEight,asLilywoulddoshortly,andhadbeenfacedwiththatfreedomofchoice.TheEightsalwayssetoutontheirfirstvolunteerhouralittlenervously,gigglingandstayingingroupsoffriends.TheyalmostinvariablydidtheirhoursonRecreationDutyfirst,helpingwiththeyoungeronesinaplacewheretheystillfeltcomfortable.Butwithguidance,astheydevelopedself-confidenceandmaturity,theymovedontootherjobs,gravitatingtowardthosethatwouldsuittheirowninterestsandskills.
AmaleElevennamedBenjaminhaddonehisentirenearly-FouryearsintheRehabilitationCenter,workingwithcitizenswhohadbeeninjured.ItwasrumoredthathewasasskillednowastheRehabilitationDirectorsthemselves,andthathehadevendevelopedsomema-chinesandmethodstohastenrehabilitation.TherewasnodoubtthatBenjaminwouldreceivehisAssignmenttothatfieldandwouldprobablybepermittedtobypassmostofthetraining.
JonaswasimpressedbythethingsBenjaminhadachieved.Heknewhim,ofcourse,sincetheyhadalwaysbeengroupmates,buttheyhadnevertalkedabouttheboy’saccomplishmentsbecausesuchaconversationwouldhavebeenawkwardforBenjamin.Therewasneveranycomfortablewaytomentionordiscussone’ssuccesseswithout
breakingtheruleagainstbragging,evenifonedidn’tmeanto.Itwasaminorrule,ratherlikerudeness,punishableonlybygentlechastisement.Butstill.Bettertosteerclearofanoccasiongovernedbyarulewhichwouldbesoeasytobreak.
Theareaofdwellingsbehindhim,Jonasrodepastthecommunitystructures,hopingtospotAsher’sbicycleparkedbesideoneofthesmallfactoriesorofficebuildings.HepassedtheChildcareCenterwhereLilystayedafterschool,andtheplayareassurroundingit.HerodethroughtheCentralPlazaandthelargeAuditoriumwherepublicmeetingswereheld.
JonasslowedandlookedatthenametagsonthebicycleslinedupoutsidetheNurturingCenter.ThenhecheckedthoseoutsideFoodDistribution;itwasalwaysfuntohelpwiththedeliveries,andhehopedhewouldfindhisfriendtheresothattheycouldgotogetheronthedailyrounds,carryingthecartonsofsuppliesintothedwellingsofthecommunity.ButhefinallyfoundAsher’sbicycle—leaning,asusual,insteadofuprightinitsport,asitshouldhavebeen—attheHouseoftheOld.
Therewasonlyoneotherchild’sbicyclethere,thatofafemaleElevennamedFiona.JonaslikedFiona.Shewasagoodstudent,quietandpolite,butshehadasenseoffunaswell,anditdidn’tsurprisehimthatshewasworkingwithAshertoday.Heparkedhisbicycleneatlyintheportbesidetheirsandenteredthebuilding.
“Hello,Jonas,”theattendantatthefrontdesksaid.Shehandedhimthesign-upsheetandstampedherownofficialsealbesidehissignature.AllofhisvolunteerhourswouldbecarefullytabulatedattheHallofOpenRecords.Once,longago,itwaswhisperedamongthechildren,anElevenhadarrivedattheCeremonyofTwelveonlytohearapublicannouncementthathehadnotcompletedtherequirednumberofvolunteerhoursandwouldnot,there-fore,begivenhisAssignment.Hehadbeenpermittedanadditionalmonthinwhichtocompletethehours,
andthengivenhisAssignmentprivately,withnoapplause,nocelebration:adisgracethathadcloudedhisentirefuture.
“It’sgoodtohavesomevolunteersheretoday,”theattendanttoldhim.“Wecelebratedareleasethismorning,andthatalwaysthrowsthescheduleoffalittle,sothingsgetbackedup.”Shelookedataprintedsheet.“Let’ssee.AsherandFionaarehelpinginthebathingroom.Whydon’tyoujointhemthere?Youknowwhereitis,don’tyou?”
Jonasnodded,thankedher,andwalkeddownthelonghallway.Heglancedintotheroomsoneitherside.TheOldweresittingquietly,somevisitingandtalkingwithoneanother,othersdoinghandworkandsimplecrafts.Afewwereasleep.Eachroomwascomfortablyfurnished,thefloorscoveredwiththickcarpeting.Itwasasereneandslow-pacedplace,unlikethebusycentersofmanufactureanddistributionwherethedailyworkofthecommunityoccurred.
Jonaswasgladthathehad,overtheyears,chosentodohishoursinavarietyofplacessothathecouldexperiencethedifferences.Herealized,though,thatnotfocusingononeareameanthewasleftwithnottheslightestidea—notevenaguess—ofwhathisAssignmentwouldbe.
Helaughedsoftly.ThinkingabouttheCeremonyagain,Jonas?Heteasedhimself.Buthesuspectedthatwiththedatesonear,probablyallofhisfriendswere,too.
HepassedaCaretakerwalkingslowlywithoneoftheOldinthehall.“Hello,Jonas,”theyounguniformedmansaid,smilingpleasantly.Thewomanbesidehim,whosearmheheld,washunchedoverassheshuffledalonginhersoftslippers.ShelookedtowardJonasandsmiled,butherdarkeyeswerecloudedandblank.Herealizedshewasblind.
Heenteredthebathingroomwithitswarmmoistairandscentofcleansinglotions.Heremovedhistunic,hungitcarefullyonawallhook,
andputonthevolunteer’ssmockthatwasfoldedonashelf.
“Hi,Jonas!”Ashercalledfromthecornerwherehewaskneelingbesideatub.JonassawFionanearby,atadifferenttub.Shelookedupandsmiledathim,butshewasbusy,gentlywashingamanwholayinthewarmwater.
Jonasgreetedthemandthecaretakingattendantsatworknearby.ThenhewenttotherowofpaddedloungingchairswhereothersoftheOldwerewaiting.Hehadworkedherebefore;heknewwhattodo.
“Yourturn,Larissa,”hesaid,readingthenametagonthewoman’srobe.“I’lljuststartthewaterandthenhelpyouup.”Hepressedthebuttononanearbyemptytubandwatchedasthewarmwaterflowedinthroughthemanysmallopeningsonthesides.Thetubwouldbefilledinaminuteandthewaterflowwouldstopautomatically.
Hehelpedthewomanfromthechair,ledhertothetub,removedherrobe,andsteadiedherwithhishandonherarmasshesteppedinandloweredherself.Sheleanedbackandsighedwithpleasure,herheadonasoftcushionedheadrest.
“Comfortable?”heasked,andshenodded,hereyesclosed.Jonassqueezedcleansinglotionontothecleanspongeattheedgeofthetubandbegantowashherfrailbody.
Lastnighthehadwatchedashisfatherbathedthenew-child.Thiswasmuchthesame:thefragileskin,thesoothingwater,thegentlemotionofhishand,slipperywithsoap.Therelaxed,peacefulsmileonthewoman’sfacere-mindedhimofGabrielbeingbathed.
Andthenakedness,too.Itwasagainsttherulesforchildrenoradultstolookatanother’snakedness;buttheruledidnotapplytonewchildrenortheOld.Jonaswasglad.Itwasanuisancetokeeponeselfcovered
whilechangingforgames,andtherequiredapologyifonehadbymistakeglimpsedanother’sbodywasalwaysawkward.Hecouldn’tseewhyitwasnecessary.Helikedthefeelingofsafetyhereinthiswarmandquietroom;helikedtheexpressionoftrustonthewoman’sfaceasshelayinthewaterunprotected,exposed,andfree.
FromthecornerofhiseyehecouldseehisfriendFionahelptheoldmanfromthetubandtenderlypathisthin,nakedbodydrywithanabsorbentcloth.Shehelpedhimintohisrobe.
JonasthoughtLarissahaddriftedintosleep,astheOldoftendid,andhewascarefultokeephismotionssteadyandgentlesohewouldn’twakeher.Hewassurprisedwhenshespoke,hereyesstillclosed.
“ThismorningwecelebratedthereleaseofRoberto,”shetoldhim.“Itwaswonderful.”
“IknewRoberto!”Jonassaid.“IhelpedwithhisfeedingthelasttimeIwashere,justafewweeksago.Hewasaveryinterestingman.”
Larissaopenedhereyeshappily.“Theytoldhiswholelifebeforetheyreleasedhim,”shesaid.“Theyalwaysdo.Buttobehonest,”shewhisperedwithamischievouslook,“someofthetellingsarealittleboring.I’veevenseensomeoftheOldfallasleepduringtellings—whentheyreleasedEdnarecently.DidyouknowEdna?”
Jonasshookhishead.Hecouldn’trecallanyonenamedEdna.
“Well,theytriedtomakeherlifesoundmeaningful.Andofcourse,”sheaddedprimly,“alllivesaremeaningful,Idon’tmeanthattheyaren’t.ButEdna.Mygoodness.ShewasaBirthmother,andthensheworkedinFoodProductionforyears,untilshecamehere.Sheneverevenhadafamilyunit.”
Larissaliftedherheadandlookedaroundtomakesurenooneelsewas
listening.Thensheconfided,“Idon’tthinkEdnawasverysmart.”
Jonaslaughed.Herinsedherleftarm,laiditbackintothewater,andbegantowashherfeet.Shemurmuredwithpleasureashemassagedherfeetwiththesponge.
“ButRoberto’slifewaswonderful,”Larissawenton,afteramoment.“HehadbeenanInstructorofElevens—youknowhowimportantthatis—andhe’dbeenonthePlanningCommittee.And—goodness,Idon’tknowhowhefoundthetime—healsoraisedtwoverysuccessfulchildren,andhewasalsotheonewhodidthelandscapingdesignfortheCentralPlaza.Hedidn’tdotheactuallabor,ofcourse.”
“Nowyourback.LeanforwardandI’llhelpyousitup.”Jonasputhisarmaroundherandsupportedherasshesat.Hesqueezedthespongeagainstherbackandbegantorubhersharp-bonedshoulders.“Tellmeaboutthecelebration.”
“Well,therewasthetellingofhislife.Thatisalwaysfirst.Thenthetoast.Weallraisedourglassesandcheered.Wechantedtheanthem.Hemadealovelygood-byespeech.Andseveralofusmadelittlespeecheswishinghimwell.Ididn’t,though.I’veneverbeenfondofpublicspeaking.
“Hewasthrilled.Youshouldhaveseenthelookonhisfacewhentheylethimgo.”
Jonasslowedthestrokesofhishandonherbackthoughtfully.“Larissa,”heasked,“whathappenswhentheymaketheactualrelease?WhereexactlydidRobertogo?”
Sheliftedherbarewetshouldersinasmallshrug.“Idon’tknow.Idon’tthinkanybodydoes,exceptthecommittee.Hejustbowedtoallofusandthenwalked,liketheyalldo,throughthespecialdoorinthe
ReleasingRoom.Butyoushouldhaveseenhislook.Purehappiness,I’dcallit.”
Jonasgrinned.“IwishI’dbeentheretoseeit.”
Larissafrowned.“Idon’tknowwhytheydon’tletchildrencome.Notenoughroom,Iguess.Theyshoulden-largetheReleasingRoom.”
“We’llhavetosuggestthattothecommittee.Maybethey’dstudyit,”Jonassaidslyly,andLarissachortledwithlaughter.
“Right!”shehooted,andJonashelpedherfromthetub.
5
Usually,atthemorningritualwhenthefamilymemberstoldtheirdreams,Jonasdidn’tcontributemuch.Herarelydreamed.Sometimesheawokewithafeelingoffragmentsafloatinhissleep,buthecouldn’tseemtograspthemandputthemtogetherintosomethingworthyoftellingattheritual.
Butthismorningwasdifferent.Hehaddreamedveryvividlythenightbefore.
HismindwanderedwhileLily,asusual,recountedalengthydream,thisoneafrighteningoneinwhichshehad,againsttherules,beenridinghermother’sbicycleandbeencaughtbytheSecurityGuards.
TheyalllistenedcarefullyanddiscussedwithLilythewarningthatthedreamhadgiven.
“Thankyouforyourdream,Lily.”Jonassaidthestandardphraseautomatically,andtriedtopaybetterattentionwhilehismothertoldofadreamfragment,adisquietingscenewhereshehadbeenchastisedforaruleinfractionshedidn’tunderstand.Togethertheyagreedthatit
probablyresultedfromherfeelingswhenshehadreluctantlydealtpunishmenttothecitizenwhohadbrokenthemajorrulesasecondtime.
Fathersaidthathehadhadnodreams.
“Gabe?”Fatherasked,lookingdownatthebasketwherethenewchildlaygurglingafterhisfeeding,readytobetakenbacktotheNurturingCenterfortheday.
Theyalllaughed.Dream-tellingbeganwithThrees.Ifnewchildrendreamed,nooneknew.
“Jonas?”Motherasked.Theyalwaysasked,thoughtheyknewhowrarelyJonashadadreamtotell.
“Ididdreamlastnight,”Jonastoldthem.Heshiftedinhischair,frowning.
“Good,”Fathersaid.“Tellus.”
“Thedetailsaren’tclear,really,”Jonasexplained,tryingtorecreatetheodddreaminhismind.“IthinkIwasinthebathingroomattheHouseoftheOld.”
“That’swhereyouwereyesterday,”Fatherpointedout.
Jonasnodded.“Butitwasn’treallythesame.Therewasatub,inthedream.Butonlyone.Andtherealbathingroomhasrowsandrowsofthem.Buttheroominthedreamwaswarmanddamp.AndIhadtakenoffmytunic,buthadn’tputonthesmock,somychestwasbare.Iwasperspiring,becauseitwassowarm.AndFionawasthere,thewayshewasyesterday.”
“Asher,too?”Motherasked.
Jonasshookhishead.“No.ItwasonlymeandFiona,aloneintheroom,standingbesidethetub.Shewaslaughing.ButIwasn’t.Iwasalmostalittleangryather,inthedream,becauseshewasn’ttakingmeseriously.”
“Seriouslyaboutwhat?”Lilyasked.
Jonaslookedathisplate.Forsomereasonthathedidn’tunderstand,hefeltslightlyembarrassed.“IthinkIwastryingtoconvinceherthatsheshouldgetintothetubofwater.”
Hepaused.Heknewhehadtotellitall,thatitwasnotonlyallrightbutnecessarytotellallofadream.Soheforcedhimselftorelatethepartthatmadehimuneasy.
“Iwantedhertotakeoffherclothesandgetintothetub,”heexplainedquickly.“Iwantedtobatheher.Ihadthespongeinmyhand.Butshewouldn’t.Shekeptlaughingandsayingno.”
Helookedupathisparents.“That’sall,”hesaid.“Canyoudescribethestrongestfeelinginyourdream,son?”Fatherasked.
Jonasthoughtaboutit.Thedetailsweremurkyandvague.Butthefeelingswereclear,andfloodedhimagainnowashethought.“Thewanting,”hesaid.“Iknewthatshewouldn’t.AndIthinkIknewthatsheshouldn’t.ButIwanteditsoterribly.Icouldfeelthewantingallthroughme.”
“Thankyouforyourdream,Jonas,”Mothersaidafteramoment.SheglancedatFather.
“Lily,”Fathersaid,“it’stimetoleaveforschool.Wouldyouwalkbesidemethismorningandkeepaneyeonthenewchild’sbasket?Wewanttobecertainhedoesn’twigglehimselfloose.”
Jonasbegantorisetocollecthisschoolbooks.Hethoughtitsurprisingthattheyhadn’ttalkedabouthisdreamatlengthbeforethethankyou.Perhapstheyfounditasconfusingashehad.
“Wait,Jonas,”Mothersaidgently.“I’llwriteanapologytoyourinstructorsothatyouwon’thavetospeakoneforbeinglate.”
Hesankbackdownintohischair,puzzled.HewavedtoFatherandLilyastheyleftthedwelling,carryingGabeinhisbasket.HewatchedwhileMothertidiedtheremainsofthemorningmealandplacedthetraybythefrontdoorfortheCollectionCrew.
Finallyshesatdownbesidehimatthetable.“Jonas,”shesaidwithasmile,“thefeelingyoudescribedasthewanting?ItwasyourfirstStirrings.FatherandIhavebeenexpectingittohappentoyou.Ithappenstoeveryone.IthappenedtoFatherwhenhewasyourage.Andithappenedtome.ItwillhappensomedaytoLily.
“Andveryoften,”Motheradded,“itbeginswithadream.”
Stirrings.Hehadheardthewordbefore.HerememberedthattherewasareferencetotheStirringsintheBookofRules,thoughhedidn’trememberwhatitsaid.AndnowandthentheSpeakermentionedit.ATTENTION.AREMINDERTHATSTIRRINGSMUSTBEREPORTEDINORDERFORTREATMENTTOTAKEPLACE.
Hehadalwaysignoredthatannouncementbecausehedidn’tunderstanditandithadneverseemedtoapplytohiminanyway.Heignored,asmostcitizensdid,manyofthecommandsandremindersreadbytheSpeaker.
“DoIhavetoreportit?”heaskedhismother.
Shelaughed.“Youdid,inthedream-telling.That’senough.”
“Butwhataboutthetreatment?TheSpeakersaysthattreatmentmusttakeplace.”Jonasfeltmiserable.JustwhentheCeremonywasabouttohappen,hisCeremonyofTwelve,wouldhehavetogoawaysomeplacefortreatment?Justbecauseofastupiddream?
Buthismotherlaughedagaininareassuring,affection-ateway.“No,no,”shesaid.“It’sjustthepills.You’rereadyforthepills,that’sall.That’sthetreatmentforStir-rings.”
Jonasbrightened.Heknewaboutthepills.Hisparentsbothtookthemeachmorning.Andsomeofhisfriendsdid,heknew.OncehehadbeenheadingofftoschoolwithAsher,bothofthemontheirbikes,whenAsher’sfatherhadcalledfromtheirdwellingdoorway,“Youforgotyourpill,Asher!”Asherhadgroanedgood-naturedly,turnedhisbike,andriddenbackwhileJonaswaited.
Itwasthesortofthingonedidn’taskafriendaboutbecauseitmighthavefallenintothatuncomfortablecategoryof‘beingdifferent.’Ashertookapilleachmorning;Jonasdidnot.Alwaysbetter,lessrude,totalkaboutthingsthatwerethesame.
Nowheswallowedthesmallpillthathismotherhandedhim.
“That’sall?”heasked.
“That’sall,”shereplied,returningthebottletothecupboard.“Butyoumustn’tforget.I’llremindyouforthefirstweeks,butthenyoumustdoitonyourown.Ifyouforget,theStirringswillcomeback.ThedreamsofStirringswillcomeback.Sometimesthedosagemustbeadjusted.”
“Ashertakesthem,”Jonasconfided.
Hismothernodded,unsurprised.“Manyofyourgroupmatesprobablydo.Themales,atleast.Andtheyallwill,soon.Femalestoo.”
“HowlongwillIhavetotakethem?”
“UntilyouentertheHouseoftheOld,”sheexplained.
"Allofyouradultlife.Butitbecomesroutine;afterawhileyouwon'tevenpaymuchattentiontoit."
Shelookedatherwatch."Ifyouleaverightnow,youwon'tevenbelateforschool.Hurryalong.
"Andthankyouagain,Jonas,"sheadded,ashewenttothedoor,"foryourdream."
Pedalingrapidlydownthepath,Jonasfeltoddlyproudtohavejoinedthosewhotookthepills.Foramoment,though,herememberedthedreamagain.Thedreamhadfeltpleasurable.Thoughthefeelingswereconfused,hethoughtthathehadlikedthefeelingsthathismotherhadcalledStirrings.Herememberedthatuponwaking,hehadwantedtofeeltheStirringsagain.
Then,inthesamewaythathisowndwellingslippedawaybehindhimasheroundedacorneronhisbicycle,thedreamslippedawayfromhisthoughts.Verybriefly,alittleguiltily,hetriedtograspitback.Butthefeelingshaddisappeared.TheStirringsweregone.
6
"Lily,pleaseholdstill,"Mothersaidagain.
Lily,standinginfrontofher,fidgetedimpatiently."Icantiethemmyself,"shecomplained."Ialwayshave."
"Iknowthat,"Motherreplied,straighteningthehairribbonsonthelittlegirl'sbraids."ButIalsoknowthattheyconstantlycomelooseandmoreoftenthannot,they'redanglingdownyourbackbyafternoon.
Today,atleast,wewantthemtobeneatlytiedandtostayneatlytied."
"Idon'tlikehairribbons.I'mgladIonlyhavetowearthemonemoreyear,"Lilysaidirritably."NextyearIgetmybicycle,too,"sheaddedmorecheerfully.
"Therearegoodthingseachyear,"Jonasremindedher."Thisyearyougettostartyourvolunteerhours.Andre-memberlastyear,whenyoubecameaSeven,youweresohappytogetyourfront-buttonedjacket?"
Thelittlegirlnoddedandlookeddownatherself,atthejacketwithitsrowoflargebuttonsthatdesignatedherasaSeven.Fours,Fives,andSixesallworejacketsthatfasteneddownthebacksothattheywouldhavetohelpeachotherdressandwouldlearninterdependence.
Thefront-buttonedjacketwasthefirstsignofinde-pendence,thefirstveryvisiblesymbolofgrowingup.Thebicycle,atNine,wouldbethepowerfulemblemofmovinggraduallyoutintothecommunity,awayfromtheprotectivefamilyunit.
Lilygrinnedandwriggledawayfromhermother.''AndthisyearyougetyourAssignment,''shesaidtoJonasinanexcitedvoice."IhopeyougetPilot.Andthatyoutakemeflying!"
"SureIwill,"saidJonas."AndI'llgetaspeciallittleparachutethatjustfitsyou,andI'lltakeyouupto,oh,maybetwentythousandfeet,andopenthedoor,and—"
"Jonas,"Motherwarned.
"Iwasonlyjoking,"Jonasgroaned."Idon'twantPilot,anyway.IfIgetPilotI'llputinanappeal."
"Comeon,"Mothersaid.ShegaveLily'sribbonsafinaltug."Jonas?Areyouready?Didyoutakeyourpill?Iwanttogetagoodseatinthe
Auditorium.''SheproddedLilytothefrontdoorandJonasfollowed.
ItwasashortridetotheAuditorium,LilywavingtoherfriendsfromherseatonthebackofMother'sbicycle.JonasstowedhisbicyclebesideMother'sandmadehiswaythroughthethrongtofindhisgroup.
TheentirecommunityattendedtheCeremonyeachyear.Fortheparents,itmeanttwodaysholidayfromwork;theysattogetherinthehugehall.Childrensatwiththeirgroupsuntiltheywent,onebyone,tothestage.
Father,though,wouldnotjoinMotherintheaudiencerightaway.Fortheearliestceremony,theNaming,theNurturersbroughtthenewchildrentothestage.Jonas,fromhisplaceinthebalconywiththeElevens,searchedtheAuditoriumforaglimpseofFather.Itwasn'tatallhardtospottheNurturers'sectionatthefront;comingfromitwerethewailsandhowlsofthenewchildrenwhosatsquirmingontheNurturers'laps.Ateveryotherpublicceremony,theaudiencewassilentandattentive.Butonceayear,theyallsmiledindulgentlyatthecommotionfromthelittleoneswaitingtoreceivetheirnamesandfamilies.
Jonasfinallycaughthisfather'seyeandwaved.Fathergrinnedandwavedback,thenheldupthehandofthenewchildonhislap,makingitwave,too.
Itwasn'tGabriel.GabewasbackattheNurturingCentertoday,beingcaredforbythenightcrew.Hehadbeengivenanunusualandspecialreprievefromthecommittee,andgrantedanadditionalyearofnurturingbeforehisNamingandPlacement.FatherhadgonebeforethecommitteewithapleaonbehalfofGabriel,whohadnotyetgainedtheweightappropriatetohisdaysoflifenorbeguntosleepsoundlyenoughatnighttobeplacedwithhisfamilyunit.NormallysuchanewchildwouldbelabeledInadequateandreleasedfromthecommunity.
Instead,asaresultofFather'splea,GabrielhadbeenlabeledUncertainandgiventheadditionalyear.HewouldcontinuetobenurturedattheCenterandwouldspendhisnightswithJonas'sfamilyunit.Eachfamilymember,includingLily,hadbeenrequiredtosignapledgethattheywouldnotbecomeattachedtothislittletemporaryguest,andthattheywouldrelinquishhimwithoutprotestorappealwhenhewasassignedtohisownfamilyunitatnextyear'sCeremony.
Atleast,Jonasthought,afterGabrielwasplacednextyear,theywouldstillseehimoftenbecausehewouldbepartofthecommunity.Ifhewerereleased,theywouldnotseehimagain.Ever.Thosewhowerereleased—evenasnewchildren—weresentElsewhereandneverreturnedtothecommunity.
Fatherhadnothadtoreleaseasinglenewchildthisyear,soGabrielwouldhaverepresentedarealfailureandsadness.EvenJonas,thoughhedidn'thoveroverthelittleonethewayLilyandhisfatherdid,wasgladthatGabehadnotbeenreleased.
ThefirstCeremonybeganrightontime,andJonaswatchedasoneafteranothereachnewchildwasgivenanameandhandedbytheNurturerstoitsnewfamilyunit.Forsome,itwasafirstchild.Butmanycametothestageaccompaniedbyanotherchildbeamingwithpridetoreceivealittlebrotherorsister,thewayJonashadwhenhewasabouttobeaFive.
AsherpokedJonas'sarm.''RememberwhenwegotPhillipa?''heaskedinaloudwhisper.Jonasnodded.Ithadonlybeenlastyear.Asher'sparentshadwaitedquitealongtimebeforeapplyingforasecondchild.Maybe,Jonassuspected,theyhadbeensoexhaustedbyAsher'slivelyfoolishnessthattheyhadneededalittletime.
Twooftheirgroup,FionaandanotherfemalenamedThea,weremissingtemporarily,waitingwiththeirparentstoreceivenewchildren.
Butitwasrarethattherewassuchanagegapbetweenchildreninafamilyunit.
Whenherfamily'sceremonywascompleted,FionatooktheseatthathadbeensavedforherintherowaheadofAsherandJonas.Sheturnedandwhisperedtothem,"He'scute.ButIdon'tlikehisnameverymuch."Shemadeafaceandgiggled.Fiona'snewbrotherhadbeennamedBruno.Itwasn'tagreatname,Jonasthought,like—well,likeGabriel,forexample.Butitwasokay.
Theaudienceapplause,whichwasenthusiasticateachNaming,roseinanexuberantswellwhenoneparentalpair,glowingwithpride,tookamalenewchildandheardhimnamedCaleb.
ThisnewCalebwasareplacementchild.ThecouplehadlosttheirfirstCaleb,acheerfullittleFour.Lossofachildwasvery,veryrare.Thecommunitywasextraordinarilysafe,eachcitizenwatchfulandprotectiveofallchildren.ButsomehowthefirstlittleCalebhadwanderedawayunnoticed,andhadfallenintotheriver.TheentirecommunityhadperformedtheCeremonyofLosstogether,murmuringthenameCalebthroughoutanentireday,lessandlessfrequently,softerinvolume,asthelongandsomberdaywenton,sothatthelittleFourseemedtofadeawaygraduallyfromeveryone'sconsciousness.
Now,atthisspecialNaming,thecommunityper-formedthebriefMurmur-of-ReplacementCeremony,repeatingthenameforthefirsttimesincetheloss:softlyandslowlyatfirst,thenfasterandwithgreatervolume,asthecouplestoodonthestagewiththenewchildsleepinginthemother'sarms.ItwasasifthefirstCalebwerereturning.
AnothernewchildwasgiventhenameRoberto,andJonasrememberedthatRobertotheOldhadbeenreleasedonlylastweek.ButtherewasnoMurmur-of-ReplacementCeremonyforthenewlittleRoberto.ReleasewasnotthesameasLoss.
HesatpolitelythroughtheceremoniesofTwoandThreeandFour,increasinglyboredashewaseachyear.Thenabreakformiddaymeal—servedoutdoors—and
backagaintotheseats,fortheFives,Sixes,Sevens,andfinally,lastofthefirstday'sceremonies,theEights.
JonaswatchedandcheeredasLilymarchedproudlytothestage,becameanEightandreceivedtheidentifyingjacketthatshewouldwearthisyear,thisonewithsmallerbuttonsand,forthefirsttime,pockets,indicatingthatshewasmatureenoughnowtokeeptrackofherownsmallbelongings.ShestoodsolemnlylisteningtothespeechoffirminstructionsontheresponsibilitiesofEightanddoingvolunteerhoursforthefirsttime.ButJonascouldseethatLily,thoughsheseemedattentive,waslookinglonginglyattherowofgleamingbicycles,whichwouldbepresentedtomorrowmorningtotheNines.
Nextyear,Lily-billy,Jonasthought.
Itwasanexhaustingday,andevenGabriel,retrievedinhisbasketfromtheNurturingCenter,sleptsoundlythatnight.
FinallyitwasthemorningoftheCeremonyofTwelve.
NowFathersatbesideMotherintheaudience.JonascouldseethemapplaudingdutifullyastheNines,onebyone,wheeledtheirnewbicycles,eachwithitsgleamingnametagattachedtotheback,fromthestage.Heknewthathisparentscringedalittle,ashedid,whenFritz,wholivedinthedwellingnextdoortotheirs,receivedhisbikeandalmostimmediatelybumpedintothepodiumwithit.Fritzwasaveryawkwardchildwhohadbeensummonedforchastisementagainandagain.Histransgressionsweresmallones,always:shoesonthewrongfeet,schoolworkmisplaced,failuretostudyadequatelyforaquiz.Buteachsucherrorreflectednegativelyonhisparents'guidanceandinfringedon
thecommunity'ssenseoforderandsuccess.JonasandhisfamilyhadnotbeenlookingforwardtoFritz'sbicycle,whichtheyrealizedwouldprobablytoooftenbedroppedonthefrontwalkinsteadofwheeledneatlyintoitsport.
FinallytheNineswereallresettledintheirseats,eachhavingwheeledabicycleoutsidewhereitwouldbewaitingforitsownerattheendoftheday.EveryonealwayschuckledandmadesmalljokeswhentheNinesrodehomeforthefirsttime."Wantmetoshowyouhowtoride?"olderfriendswouldcall."Iknowyou'veneverbeenonabikebefore!"ButinvariablythegrinningNines,whointechnicalviolationoftherulehadbeenpracticingsecretlyforweeks,wouldmountandrideoffinperfectbalance,trainingwheelsnevertouchingtheground.
ThentheTens.JonasneverfoundtheCeremonyofTenparticularlyinteresting—onlytime-consuming,aseachchild'shairwassnippedneatlyintoitsdistinguishingcut:femaleslosttheirbraidsatTen,andmales,too,relinquishedtheirlongchildishhairandtookonthemoremanlyshortstylewhichexposedtheirears.
Laborersmovedquicklytothestagewithbroomsandsweptawaythemoundsofdiscardedhair.JonascouldseetheparentsofthenewTensstirandmurmur,andheknewthatthisevening,inmanydwellings,theywouldbesnip-pingandstraighteningthehastilydonehaircuts,trimmingthemintoaneaterline.
Elevens.ItseemedashorttimeagothatJonashadundergonetheCeremonyofEleven,butherememberedthatitwasnotoneofthemoreinterestingones.ByEleven,onewasonlywaitingtobeTwelve.Itwassimplyamarkingoftimewithnomeaningfulchanges.Therewasnewclothing:differentundergarmentsforthefemales,whosebodieswerebeginningtochange;andlongertrousersforthemales,withaspeciallyshapedpocketforthesmallcalculatorthattheywouldusethisyearinschool;butthoseweresimplypresentedinwrappedpackageswithoutan
accompanyingspeech.
Breakformiddaymeal.Jonasrealizedhewashungry.HeandhisgroupmatescongregatedbythetablesinfrontoftheAuditoriumandtooktheirpackagedfood.Yesterdaytherehadbeenmerrimentatlunch,alotofteasingandenergy.Buttodaythegroupstoodanxiously,separatefromtheotherchildren.JonaswatchedthenewNinesgravitatetowardtheirwaitingbicycles,eachoneadmiringhisorhernametag.HesawtheTensstrokingtheirnewshortenedhair,thefemalesshakingtheirheadstofeeltheunaccustomedlightnesswithouttheheavybraidstheyhadwornsolong.
"IheardaboutaguywhowasabsolutelycertainhewasgoingtobeassignedEngineer,"Ashermutteredastheyate,"andinsteadtheygavehimSanitationLaborer.Hewentoutthenextday,jumpedintotheriver,swamacross,andjoinedthenextcommunityhecameto.Nobodyeversawhimagain."
Jonaslaughed."Somebodymadethatstoryup,Ash,"hesaid."MyfathersaidheheardthatstorywhenhewasaTwelve."
ButAsherwasn'treassured.HewaseyeingtheriverwhereitwasvisiblebehindtheAuditorium."Ican'tevenswimverywell,"hesaid."MyswimminginstructorsaidthatIdon'thavetherightboyishnessorsomething."
"Buoyancy,"Jonascorrectedhim.
"Whatever.Idon'thaveit.Isink."
"Anyway,"Jonaspointedout,"haveyoueveronceknownofanyone—Imeanreallyknownforsure,Asher,notjustheardastoryaboutit—whojoinedanothercommunity?"
"No,"Asheradmittedreluctantly."Butyoucan.Itsayssointherules.
Ifyoudon'tfitin,youcanapplyforElsewhereandbereleased.Mymothersaysthatonce,abouttenyearsago,someoneappliedandwasgonethenextday."Thenhechuckled."ShetoldmethatbecauseIwasdrivinghercrazy.ShethreatenedtoapplyforElse-where."
"Shewasjoking."
"Iknow.Butitwastrue,whatshesaid,thatsomeonedidthatonce.Shesaidthatitwasreallytrue.Heretodayandgonetomorrow.Neverseenagain.NotevenaCeremonyofRelease."
Jonasshrugged.Itdidn'tworryhim.Howcouldsome-onenotfitin?Thecommunitywassometiculouslyordered,thechoicessocarefullymade.
EventheMatchingofSpouseswasgivensuchweightyconsiderationthatsometimesanadultwhoappliedtoreceiveaspousewaitedmonthsorevenyearsbeforeaMatchwasapprovedandannounced.Allofthefactors—disposition,energylevel,intelligence,andinterests—hadtocorrespondandtointeractperfectly.Jonas'smother,forexample,hadhigherintelligencethanhisfather;buthisfatherhadacalmerdisposition.Theybalancedeachother.TheirMatch,whichlikeallMatcheshadbeenmonitoredbytheCommitteeofEldersforthreeyearsbeforetheycouldapplyforchildren,hadalwaysbeenasuccessfulone.
LiketheMatchingofSpousesandtheNamingandPlacementofnewchildren,theAssignmentswerescrupulouslythoughtthroughbytheCommitteeofElders.
HewascertainthathisAssignment,whateveritwastobe,andAsher'stoo,wouldbetherightoneforthem.Heonlywishedthatthemiddaybreakwouldconclude,thattheaudiencewouldreentertheAuditorium,andthesuspensewouldend.
Asifinanswertohisunspokenwish,thesignalcameandthecrowdbegantomovetowardthedoors.
7
NowJonas'sgrouphadtakenanewplaceintheAuditorium,tradingwiththenewElevens,sothattheysatintheveryfront,immediatelybeforethestage.
Theywerearrangedbytheiroriginalnumbers,thenumberstheyhadbeengivenatbirth.ThenumberswererarelyusedaftertheNaming.Buteachchildknewhisnumber,ofcourse.Sometimesparentsusedtheminirritationatachild'smisbehavior,indicatingthatmischiefmadeoneunworthyofaname.Jonasalwayschuckledwhenheheardaparent,exasperated,callsharplytoawhiningtoddler,"That'senough,Twenty-three!''
JonaswasNineteen.Hehadbeenthenineteenthnew-childbornhisyear.IthadmeantthatathisNaming,hehadbeenalreadystandingandbright-eyed,soontowalkandtalk.Ithadgivenhimaslightadvantagethefirstyearortwo,alittlemorematuritythanmanyofhisgroup-mateswhohadbeenborninthelatermonthsofthatyear.Butitevenedout,asitalwaysdid,byThree.
AfterThree,thechildrenprogressedatmuchthesamelevel,thoughbytheirfirstnumberonecouldalwaystellwhowasafewmonthsolderthanothersinhisgroup.Technically,Jonas'sfullnumberwasEleven-nineteen,
sincetherewereotherNineteens,ofcourse,ineachagegroup.Andtoday,nowthatthenewElevenshadbeenadvancedthismorning,thereweretwoEleven-nineteens.Atthemiddaybreakhehadexchangedsmileswiththenewone,ashyfemalenamedHarriet.
Buttheduplicationwasonlyforthesefewhours.VerysoonhewouldnotbeanElevenbutaTwelve,andagewouldnolongermatter.Hewouldbeanadult,likehisparents,thoughanewoneanduntrainedstill.
AsherwasFour,andsatnowintherowaheadofJonas.HewouldreceivehisAssignmentfourth.
Fiona,Eighteen,wasonhisleft;onhisothersidesatTwenty,amalenamedPierrewhomJonasdidn'tlikemuch.Pierrewasveryserious,notmuchfun,andaworrierandtattletale,too."Haveyoucheckedtherules,Jonas?"Pierrewasalwayswhisperingsolemnly."I'mnotsurethat'swithintherules.''Usuallyitwassomefoolishthingthatnoonecaredabout—openinghistunicifitwasadaywithabreeze;takingabrieftryonafriend'sbicycle,justtoexperiencethedifferentfeelofit.
TheinitialspeechattheCeremonyofTwelvewasmadebytheChiefElder,theleaderofthecommunitywhowaselectedeverytenyears.Thespeechwasmuchthesameeachyear:recollectionofthetimeofchildhoodandtheperiodofpreparation,thecomingresponsibilitiesofadultlife,theprofoundimportanceofAssignment,theseriousnessoftrainingtocome.
ThentheChiefEldermovedaheadinherspeech.
"Thisisthetime,"shebegan,lookingdirectlyatthem,when
weacknowledgedifferences.YouElevenshavespentallyouryearstillnowlearningtofitin,tostandardizeyourbehavior,tocurbanyimpulsethatmightsetyouapartfromthegroup.
''Buttodaywehonoryourdifferences.Theyhavedeter-minedyourfutures."
Shebegantodescribethisyear'sgroupanditsvarietyofpersonalities,thoughshesinglednooneoutbyname.Shementionedthattherewasone
whohadsingularskillsatcaretaking,anotherwholovednewchildren,onewithunusualscientificaptitude,andafourthforwhomphysicallaborwasanobviouspleasure.Jonasshiftedinhisseat,tryingtorecognizeeachreferenceasoneofhisgroup-mates.ThecaretakingskillswerenodoubtthoseofFiona,onhisleft;herememberednoticingthetendernesswithwhichshehadbathedtheOld.ProbablytheonewithscientificaptitudewasBenjamin,themalewhohaddevisednew,importantequipmentfortheRehabilitationCenter.
Heheardnothingthatherecognizedashimself,Jonas.
FinallytheChiefElderpaidtributetothehardworkofhercommittee,whichhadperformedtheobservationssometiculouslyallyear.TheCommitteeofEldersstoodandwasacknowledgedbyapplause.JonasnoticedAsheryawnslightly,coveringhismouthpolitelywithhishand.
Then,atlast,theChiefEldercallednumberOnetothestage,andtheAssignmentsbegan.
Eachannouncementwaslengthy,accompaniedbyaspeechdirectedatthenewTwelve.JonastriedtopayattentionasOne,smilinghappily,receivedherAssignmentasFishHatcheryAttendantalongwithwordsofpraiseforherchildhoodspentdoingmanyvolunteerhoursthere,andherobviousinterestintheimportantprocessofprovidingnourishmentforthecommunity.
NumberOne—hernamewasMadeline—returned,finally,amidstapplause,toherseat,wearingthenewbadgethatdesignatedherFishHatcheryAttendant.JonaswascertainlygladthatthatAssignmentwastaken;hewouldn'thavewantedit.ButhegaveMadelineasmileofcongratulation.
WhenTwo,afemalenamedInger,receivedherAssignmentasBirthmother,Jonasrememberedthathismotherhadcalleditajob
withouthonor.ButhethoughtthattheCommitteehadchosenwell.Ingerwasanicegirlthoughsomewhatlazy,andherbodywasstrong.Shewouldenjoythethreeyearsofbeingpamperedthatwouldfollowherbrieftraining;shewouldgivebirtheasilyandwell;andthetaskofLaborerthatwouldfollowwoulduseherstrength,keepherhealthy,andimposeself-discipline.Ingerwassmilingwhensheresumedherseat.Birthmotherwasanimportantjob,iflackinginprestige.
JonasnoticedthatAsherlookednervous.HekeptturninghisheadandglancingbackatJonasuntilthegroupleaderhadtogivehimasilentchastisement,amotiontositstillandfaceforward.
Three,Isaac,wasgivenanAssignmentasInstructorofSixes,whichobviouslypleasedhimandwaswelldeserved.NowtherewerethreeAssignmentsgone,noneofthemonesthatJonaswouldhaveliked—notthathecouldhavebeenaBirthmother,anyway,herealizedwithamusement.Hetriedtosortthroughthelistinhismind,thepossibleAssignmentsthatremained.Butthereweresomanyhegaveitup;andanyway,nowitwasAsher'sturn.Hepaidstrictattentionashisfriendwenttothestageandstoodself-consciouslybesidetheChiefElder.
''AllofusinthecommunityknowandenjoyAsher,"theChiefElderbegan.Ashergrinnedandscratchedonelegwiththeotherfoot.Theaudiencechuckledsoftly.
''WhenthecommitteebegantoconsiderAsher'sAssignment,"shewenton,''thereweresomepossibilitiesthatwereimmediatelydiscarded.Somethatwouldclearly,nothavebeenrightforAsher.
''Forexample,''shesaid,smiling,''wedidnotconsiderforaninstantdesignatingAsheranInstructorofThrees.''
Theaudiencehowledwithlaughter.Asherlaughed,too,lookingsheepishbutpleasedatthespecialattention.TheInstructorsofThrees
wereinchargeoftheacquisitionofcorrectlanguage.
''Infact,"theChiefEldercontinued,chucklingalittleherself,''weevengavealittlethoughttosomeretroactivechastisementfortheonewhohadbeenAsher'sInstructorofThreessolongago.AtthemeetingwhereAsherwasdiscussed,weretoldmanyofthestoriesthatweallre-memberedfromhisdaysoflanguageacquisition.
''Especially,"shesaid,chuckling,''thedifferencebetweensnackandsmack.Remember,Asher?"
Ashernoddedruefully,andtheaudiencelaughedaloud.Jonasdid,too.Heremembered,thoughhehadbeenonlyaThreeatthetimehimself.
Thepunishmentusedforsmallchildrenwasaregulatedsystemofsmackswiththedisciplinewand:athin,flexibleweaponthatstungpainfullywhenitwaswielded.TheChildcarespecialistsweretrainedverycarefullyinthedisciplinemethods:aquicksmackacrossthehandsforabitofminormisbehavior;threesharpersmacksonthebarelegsforasecondoffense.
PoorAsher,whoalwaystalkedtoofastandmixedupwords,evenasatoddler.AsaThree,eagerforhisjuiceandcrackersatsnacktime,heonedaysaid''smack''in-steadof''snack''ashestoodwaitinginlineforthemorningtreat.
Jonasremembereditclearly.HecouldstillseelittleAsher,wigglingwithimpatienceintheline.Herememberedthecheerfulvoicecallout,''Iwantmysmack!''
TheotherThrees,includingJonas,hadlaughednervously."Snack!''theycorrected.''Youmeantsnack,Asher!''Butthemistakehadbeenmade.Andprecisionoflanguagewasoneofthemostimportanttasksofsmallchildren.Asherhadaskedforasmack.
Thedisciplinewand,inthehandoftheChildcareworker,whistledasitcamedownacrossAsher'shands.Asherwhimpered,cringed,andcorrectedhimselfinstantly."Snack,"hewhispered.
Butthenextmorninghehaddoneitagain.Andagainthefollowingweek.Hecouldn'tseemtostop,thoughforeachlapsethedisciplinewandcameagain,escalatingtoaseriesofpainfullashesthatleftmarksonAsher'slegs.Eventually,foraperiodoftime,Asherstoppedtalkingaltogether,whenhewasaThree.
"Forawhile,"theChiefEldersaid,relatingthestory,wehadasilentAsher!Buthelearned.''
Sheturnedtohimwithasmile.''Whenhebegantotalkagain,itwaswithgreaterprecision.Andnowhislapsesareveryfew.Hiscorrectionsandapologiesareveryprompt.Andhisgoodhumorisunfailing.''Theaudiencemurmuredinagreement.Asher'scheerfuldispositionwaswell-knownthroughoutthecommunity.
''Asher.''Sheliftedhervoicetomaketheofficialannouncement.''WehavegivenyoutheAssignmentofAssistantDirectorofRecreation.''
Sheclippedonhisnewbadgeashestoodbesideher,beaming.Thenheturnedandleftthestageastheaudiencecheered.Whenhehadtakenhisseatagain,theChiefElderlookeddownathimandsaidthewordsthatshehadsaidnowfourtimes,andwouldsaytoeachnewTwelve.Somehowshegaveitspecialmeaningforeachofthem.
''Asher,''shesaid,''thankyouforyourchildhood.''
TheAssignmentscontinued,andJonaswatchedandlistened,relievednowbythewonderfulAssignmenthisbestfriendhadbeengiven.Buthewasmoreandmoreapprehensiveashisownapproached.NowthenewTwelvesintherowaheadhadallreceivedtheirbadges.Theywerefingeringthemastheysat,andJonasknewthateachonewasthinkingaboutthetrainingthatlayahead.Forsome—onestudiousmalehadbeenselectedasDoctor,afemaleasEngineer,andanotherforLawandJustice—itwouldbeyearsofhardworkandstudy.Others,likeLaborersandBirthmothers,wouldhaveamuchshortertrainingperiod.
Eighteen,Fiona,onhisleft,wascalled.Jonasknewshemustbenervous,butFionawasacalmfemale.Shehadbeensittingquietly,serenely,throughouttheCeremony.
Eventheapplause,thoughenthusiastic,seemedserenewhenFionawasgiventheimportantAssignmentofCare-takeroftheOld.Itwasperfectforsuchasensitive,gentlegirl,andhersmilewassatisfiedandpleasedwhenshetookherseatbesidehimagain.
JonaspreparedhimselftowalktothestagewhentheapplauseendedandtheChiefElderpickedupthenextfolderandlookeddowntothegrouptocallforwardthenextnewTwelve.Hewascalmnowthathisturnhadcome.Hetookadeepbreathandsmoothedhishairwithhishand.
''Twenty,''heheardhervoicesayclearly.''Pierre.''
Sheskippedme,Jonasthought,stunned.Hadheheardwrong?No.Therewasasuddenhushinthecrowd,andheknewthattheentirecommunityrealizedthattheChiefElderhadmovedfromEighteentoTwenty,leavingagap.Onhisright,Pierre,withastartledlook,rosefromhisseatandmovedtothestage.
Amistake.Shemadeamistake.ButJonasknew,evenashehadthethought,thatshehadn't.TheChiefEldermadenomistakes.NotattheCeremonyofTwelve.
Hefeltdizzy,andcouldn'tfocushisattention.Hedidn'thearwhatAssignmentPierrereceived,andwasonlydimlyawareoftheapplauseastheboyreturned,wearinghisnewbadge.Then:Twenty-one.Twenty-two.
Thenumberscontinuedinorder.Jonassat,dazed,astheymovedintotheThirtiesandthentheForties,nearingtheend.Eachtime,ateachannouncement,hisheartjumpedforamoment,andhethoughtwildthoughts.Perhapsnowshewouldcallhisname.Couldhehaveforgottenhisownnumber?No.HehadalwaysbeenNineteen.HewassittingintheseatmarkedNineteen.
Butshehadskippedhim.Hesawtheothersinhisgroupglanceathim,
embarrassed,andthenaverttheireyesquickly.Hesawaworriedlookonthefaceofhisgroupleader.
Hehunchedhisshouldersandtriedtomakehimselfsmallerintheseat.Hewantedtodisappear,tofadeaway,nottoexist.Hedidn'tdaretoturnandfindhisparentsinthecrowd.Hecouldn'tbeartoseetheirfacesdarkenedwithshame.
Jonasbowedhisheadandsearchedthroughhismind.Whathadhedonewrong?
8
Theaudiencewasclearlyillatease.TheyapplaudedatthefinalAssignment;buttheapplausewaspiecemeal,nolongeracrescendoofunitedenthusiasm.Thereweremurmursofconfusion.
Jonasmovedhishandstogether,clapping,butitwasanautomatic,meaninglessgesturethathewasn'tevenawareof.Hismindhadshutoutalloftheearlieremotions:theanticipation,excitement,pride,andeventhehappykinshipwithhisfriends.Nowhefeltonlyhumiliationandterror.
TheChiefElderwaiteduntiltheuneasyapplausesub-sided.Thenshespokeagain.
"Iknow,"shesaidinhervibrant,graciousvoice,"thatyouareallconcerned.ThatyoufeelIhavemadeamistake."
Shesmiled.Thecommunity,relievedfromitsdiscomfortveryslightlybyherbenignstatement,seemedtobreathemoreeasily.Itwasverysilent.
Jonaslookedup.
"Ihavecausedyouanxiety,"shesaid."Iapologizetomycommunity."Hervoiceflowedovertheassembledcrowd.
''Weacceptyourapology,"theyallutteredtogether.
''Jonas,''shesaid,lookingdownathim,''Iapologizetoyouinparticular.Icausedyouanguish.''
"Iacceptyourapology,''Jonasrepliedshakily."Pleasecometothestagenow.''
Earlierthatday,dressinginhisowndwelling,hehadpracticedthekindofjaunty,self-assuredwalkthathehopedhecouldmaketothestagewhenhisturncame.Allofthatwasforgottennow.Hesimplywilledhimselftostand,tomovehisfeetthatfeltweightedandclumsy,togoforward,upthestepsandacrosstheplatformuntilhestoodatherside.
Reassuringlysheplacedherarmacrosshistenseshoulders.
"Jonashasnotbeenassigned,"sheinformedthecrowd,andhisheartsank.
Thenshewenton.''Jonashasbeenselected."
Heblinked.Whatdidthatmean?Hefeltacollective,questioningstirfromtheaudience.They,too,werepuzzled.
Inafirm,commandingvoicesheannounced,''JonashasbeenselectedtobeournextReceiverofMemory."
Thenheheardthegasp—thesuddenintakeofbreath,drawnsharplyinastonishment,byeachoftheseatedcitizens.Hesawtheirfaces;theeyeswidenedinawe.
Andstillhedidnotunderstand.
"Suchaselectionisvery,veryrare,"theChiefEldertoldtheaudience."OurcommunityhasonlyoneReceiver.Itishewhotrainshissuccessor.
"WehavehadourcurrentReceiverforaverylongtime,''shewenton.JonasfollowedhereyesandsawthatshewaslookingatoneoftheElders.TheCommitteeofElderswassittingtogetherinagroup;andtheChiefElder'seyeswerenowononewhosatinthemidstbutseemedoddlyseparatefromthem.ItwasamanJonashadnevernoticedbefore,abeardedmanwithpaleeyes.HewaswatchingJonasintently.
"Wefailedinourlastselection,"theChiefEldersaidsolemnly."Itwastenyearsago,whenJonaswasjustatoddler.Iwillnotdwellontheexperiencebecauseitcausesusallterriblediscomfort.''
Jonasdidn'tknowwhatshewasreferringto,buthecouldsensethediscomfortoftheaudience.Theyshifteduneasilyintheirseats.
"Wehavenotbeenhastythistime,"shecontinued."Wecouldnotaffordanotherfailure."
"Sometimes,"shewenton,speakingnowinalightertone,relaxingthetensionintheAuditorium,"wearenotentirelycertainabouttheAssignments,evenafterthemostpainstakingobservations.Sometimesweworrythattheoneassignedmightnotdevelop,throughtraining,everyattributenecessary.Elevensarestillchildren,afterall.Whatweobserveasplayfulnessandpatience—therequirementstobecomeNurturer—could,withmaturity,berevealedassimplyfoolishnessandindolence.Sowecontinuetoobserveduringtraining,andtomodifybehaviorwhennecessary.
"ButtheReceiver-in-trainingcannotbeobserved,can-notbemodified.Thatisstatedquiteclearlyintherules.Heistobealone,apart,whileheispreparedbythecur-rentReceiverforthejobwhichisthemosthonoredinourcommunity."
Alone?Apart?Jonaslistenedwithincreasingunease.
''Thereforetheselectionmustbesound.ItmustbeaunanimouschoiceoftheCommittee.Theycanhavenodoubts,howeverfleeting.If,duringtheprocess,anElderreportsadreamofuncertainty,thatdreamhasthepowertosetacandidateasideinstantly.
''JonaswasidentifiedasapossibleReceivermanyyearsago.Wehaveobservedhimmeticulously.Therewerenodreamsofuncertainty.
"HehasshownallofthequalitiesthataReceivermusthave.''
Withherhandstillfirmlyonhisshoulder,theChiefElderlistedthequalities.
"Intelligence,"shesaid."WeareallawarethatJonashasbeenatopstudentthroughouthisschooldays.
''Integrity,''shesaidnext."Jonashas,likeallofus,committedminortransgressions.''Shesmiledathim.''Weexpectthat.Wehoped,also,thathewouldpresenthimselfpromptlyforchastisement,andhehasalwaysdoneso.
"Courage,"shewenton."OnlyoneofusheretodayhaseverundergonetherigoroustrainingrequiredofaReceiver.He,ofcourse,isthemostimportantmemberoftheCommittee:thecurrentReceiver.Itwashewhoremindedus,againandagain,ofthecouragerequired.
''Jonas,''shesaid,turningtohim,butspeakinginavoicethattheentirecommunitycouldhear,"thetrainingrequiredofyouinvolvespain.Physicalpain."
Hefeltfearflutterwithinhim.
"Youhaveneverexperiencedthat.Yes,youhavescrapedyourkneesin
fallsfromyourbicycle.Yes,youcrushedyourfingerinadoorlastyear."
Jonasnodded,agreeing,asherecalledtheincident,anditsaccompanyingmisery.
"Butyouwillbefaced,now,''sheexplainedgently,“withpainofamagnitudethatnoneofusherecancomprehendbecauseitisbeyondourexperience.TheReceiverhimselfwasnotabletodescribeit,onlytoremindusthatyouwouldbefacedwithit,thatyouwouldneedimmensecourage.Wecannotprepareyouforthat.
"Butwefeelcertainthatyouarebrave,"shesaidtohim.
Hedidnotfeelbraveatall.Notnow.
"Thefourthessentialattribute,"theChiefEldersaid,"iswisdom.Jonashasnotyetacquiredthat.Theacquisitionofwisdomwillcomethroughhistraining.
"WeareconvincedthatJonashastheabilitytoacquirewisdom.Thatiswhatwelookedfor.
"Finally,TheReceivermusthaveonemorequality,anditisonewhichIcanonlyname,butnotdescribe.Idonotunderstandit.Youmembersofthecommunitywillnotunderstandit,either.PerhapsJonaswill,becausethecurrentReceiverhastoldusthatJonasalreadyhasthisquality.HecallsittheCapacitytoSeeBeyond."
TheChiefElderlookedatJonaswithaquestioninhereyes.Theaudiencewatchedhim,too.Theyweresilent.
Foramomenthefroze,consumedwithdespair.Hedidn'thaveit,thewhatever-she-had-said.Hedidn'tknowwhatitwas.Nowwasthemomentwhenhewouldhavetoconfess,tosay,"No,Idon't.Ican't,"andthrowhimselfontheirmercy,asktheirforgiveness,toexplain
thathehadbeenwronglychosen,thathewasnottherightoneatall.
Butwhenhelookedoutacrossthecrowd,theseaoffaces,thethinghappenedagain.Thethingthathadhappenedwiththeapple.
Theychanged.
Heblinked,anditwasgone.Hisshouldersstraightenedslightly.Brieflyhefeltatinysliverofsurenessforthefirsttime.
Shewasstillwatchinghim.Theyallwere.
"Ithinkit'strue,"hetoldtheChiefElderandthecommunity."Idon'tunderstandityet.Idon'tknowwhatitis.ButsometimesIseesomething.Andmaybeit'sbeyond."
Shetookherarmfromhisshoulders.
"Jonas,"shesaid,speakingnottohimalonebuttotheentirecommunityofwhichhewasapart,"youwillbetrainedtobeournextReceiverofMemory.Wethankyouforyourchildhood."
Thensheturnedandleftthestage,lefthimtherealone,standingandfacingthecrowd,whichbeganspontaneouslythecollectivemurmurofhisname.
"Jonas."Itwasawhisperatfirst:hushed,barelyaudible.''Jonas.Jonas."
Thenlouder,faster."JONAS.JONAS.JONAS."
Withthechant,Jonasknew,thecommunitywasacceptinghimandhisnewrole,givinghimlife,thewaytheyhadgivenittothenewchildCaleb.Hisheartswelledwithgratitudeandpride.
Butatthesametimehewasfilledwithfear.Hedidnotknowwhathisselectionmeant.Hedidnotknowwhathewastobecome.
Orwhatwouldbecomeofhim.
9
Now,forthefirsttimeinhistwelveyearsoflife,Jonasfeltseparate,different.HerememberedwhattheChiefElderhadsaid:thathistrainingwouldbealoneandapart.
Buthistraininghadnotyetbegunandalready,uponleavingtheAuditorium,hefelttheapartness.Holdingthefoldershehadgivenhim,hemadehiswaythroughthethrong,lookingforhisfamilyunitandforAsher.Peoplemovedasideforhim.Theywatchedhim.Hethoughthecouldhearwhispers.
"Ash!"hecalled,spottinghisfriendneartherowsofbicycles."Ridebackwithme?"
"Sure."Ashersmiled,hisusualsmile,friendlyandfamiliar.ButJonasfeltamomentofhesitationfromhisfriend,anuncertainty.
"Congratulations,"Ashersaid.
"Youtoo,"Jonasreplied."Itwasreallyfunny,whenshetoldaboutthesmacks.Yougotmoreapplausethanalmostanybodyelse.''
TheothernewTwelvesclusterednearby,placingtheirfolderscarefullyintothecarryingcontainersonthebacksofthebikes.Ineachdwellingtonighttheywouldbe
studyingtheinstructionsforthebeginningoftheirtraining.Eachnightforyearsthechildrenhadmemorizedtherequiredlessonsforschool,oftenyawningwithboredom.Tonighttheywouldallbegineagerlyto
memorizetherulesfortheiradultAssignments.
"Congratulations,Asher!''someonecalled.Thenthathesitationagain.''Youtoo,Jonas!"
AsherandJonasrespondedwithcongratulationstotheirgroupmates.Jonassawhisparentswatchinghimfromtheplacewheretheirownbicycleswerewaiting.Lilyhadalreadybeenstrappedintoherseat.
Hewaved.Theywavedback,smiling,buthenoticedthatLilywaswatchinghimsolemnly,herthumbinhermouth.
Herodedirectlytohisdwelling,exchangingonlysmalljokesandunimportantremarkswithAsher.
"Seeyouinthemorning,RecreationDirector!"hecalled,dismountingbyhisdoorasAshercontinuedon.
"Right!Seeyou!"Ashercalledback.Onceagain,therewasjustamomentwhenthingsweren'tquitethesame,weren'tquiteastheyhadalwaysbeenthroughthelongfriendship.Perhapshehadimaginedit.Thingscouldn'tchange,withAsher.
Theeveningmealwasquieterthanusual.Lilychatteredaboutherplansforvolunteerwork;shewouldbegin,shesaid,attheNurturingCenter,sinceshewasalreadyanex-pertatfeedingGabriel.
''Iknow,"sheaddedquickly,whenherfathergaveherawarningglance,"Iwon'tmentionhisname.IknowI'mnotsupposedtoknowhisname.
"Ican'twaitfortomorrowtocome,''shesaidhappily.Jonassigheduneasily.''Ican,''hemuttered.
"You'vebeengreatlyhonored,''hismothersaid.''YourfatherandIare
veryproud.''
"It'sthemostimportantjobinthecommunity,''Fathersaid.
"Butjusttheothernight,yousaidthatthejobofmakingAssignmentswasthemostimportant!''
Mothernodded.''Thisisdifferent.It'snotajob,really.Ineverthought,neverexpected—"Shepaused.''There'sonlyoneReceiver."
"ButtheChiefEldersaidthattheyhadmadeaselectionbefore,andthatitfailed.Whatwasshetalkingabout?"
Bothofhisparentshesitated.Finallyhisfatherde-scribedthepreviousselection.''Itwasverymuchasitwastoday,Jonas—thesamesuspense,asoneElevenhadbeenpassedoverwhentheAssignmentsweregiven.Thentheannouncement,whentheysingledouttheone—"
Jonasinterrupted."Whatwashisname?"
Hismotherreplied,"Her,nothis.Itwasafemale.Butwearenevertospeakthename,ortouseitagainforanewchild."
Jonaswasshocked.AnamedesignatedNot-to-Be-Spokenindicatedthehighestdegreeofdisgrace.
"Whathappenedtoher?"heaskednervously.
Buthisparentslookedblank."Wedon'tknow,"hisfathersaiduncomfortably."Weneversawheragain."
Asilencefellovertheroom.Theylookedateachother.Finallyhismother,risingfromthetable,said,"You'vebeengreatlyhonored,Jonas.Greatlyhonored.''
Aloneinhissleepingroom,preparedforbed,Jonasopenedhisfolderatlast.SomeoftheotherTwelves,hehadnoticed,hadbeengivenfoldersthickwithprintedpages.HeimaginedBenjamin,thescientificmaleinhisgroup,be-ginningtoreadpagesofrulesandinstructionswithrelish.HepicturedFionasmilinghergentlesmileasshebentoverthelistsofdutiesandmethodsthatshewouldberequiredtolearninthedaystocome.
Buthisownfolderwasstartlinglyclosetoempty.Insidetherewasonlyasingleprintedsheet.Hereadittwice.
JONAS
RECEIVEROFMEMORY
1.GoimmediatelyattheendofschoolhourseachdaytotheAnnexentrancebehindtheHouseoftheOldandpresentyourselftotheattendant.
2.GoimmediatelytoyourdwellingattheconclusionofTrainingHourseachday.
3.Fromthismomentyouareexemptedfromrulesgoverningrudeness.Youmayaskanyquestionofanycitizenandyouwillreceiveanswers.
4.Donotdiscussyourtrainingwithanyothermemberofthecommunity,includingparentsandElders.
5.Fromthismomentyouareprohibitedfromdream-telling.
6.Exceptforillnessorinjuryunrelatedtoyourtraining,donotapplyforanymedication.
7.Youarenotpermittedtoapplyforrelease.
8.Youmaylie.
Jonaswasstunned.Whatwouldhappentohisfriend-ships?Hismindlesshoursplayingball,orridinghisbikealongtheriver?Thosehadbeenhappyandvitaltimesforhim.Weretheytobecompletelytakenfromhim,now?Thesimplelogisticinstructions—wheretogo,andwhen—wereexpected.EveryTwelvehadtobetold,ofcourse,whereandhowandwhentoreportfortraining.Buthewasalittledismayedthathisscheduleleftnotime,apparently,forrecreation.
Theexemptionfromrudenessstartledhim.Readingitagain,however,herealizedthatitdidn'tcompelhimtoberude;itsimplyallowedhimtheoption.Hewasquitecertainhewouldnevertakeadvantageofit.Hewassocompletely,sothoroughlyaccustomedtocourtesywithinthecommunitythatthethoughtofaskinganothercitizenanintimatequestion,ofcallingsomeone'sattentiontoanareaofawkwardness,wasunnerving.
Theprohibitionofdream-telling,hethought,wouldnotbearealproblem.Hedreamedsorarelythatthedream-tellingdidnotcomeeasilytohimanyway,andhewasgladtobeexcusedfromit.Hewonderedbriefly,though,howtodealwithitatthemorningmeal.Whatifhediddream—shouldhesimplytellhisfamilyunit,ashedidsooften,anyway,thathehadn't?Thatwouldbealie.Still,thefinalrulesaid...well,hewasn'tquitereadytothinkaboutthefinalruleonthepage.
Therestrictionofmedicationunnervedhim.Medicationwasalwaysavailabletocitizens,eventochildren,throughtheirparents.Whenhehadcrushedhisfingerinthedoor,hehadquickly,gaspingintothespeaker,notifiedhismother;shehadhastilyrequisitionedrelief-of-painmedicationwhichhadpromptlybeendeliveredtohisdwelling.Almostinstantlytheexcruciatingpaininhishandhaddiminishedtothethrobwhichwas,now,allhecouldrecalloftheexperience.
Re-readingrulenumber6,herealizedthatacrushedfingerfellintothecategoryof''unrelatedtotraining.''Soifiteverhappenedagain—andhewasquitecertainitwouldn't;hehadbeenverycarefulnearheavydoorssincetheaccident!—hecouldstillreceivemedication.
Thepillhetooknow,eachmorning,wasalsounrelatedtotraining.Sohewouldcontinuetoreceivethepill.
ButheremembereduneasilywhattheChiefElderhadsaidaboutthepainthatwouldcomewithhistraining.Shehadcalleditindescribable.
Jonasswallowedhard,tryingwithoutsuccesstoimaginewhatsuchpainmightbelike,withnomedicationatall.Butitwasbeyondhiscomprehension.
Hefeltnoreactiontorulenumber7atall.Ithadneveroccurredtohimthatunderanycircumstances,ever,hemightapplyforrelease.
Finallyhesteeledhimselftoreadthefinalruleagain.Hehadbeentrainedsinceearliestchildhood,sincehisearliestlearningoflanguage,nevertolie.Itwasanintegralpartofthelearningofprecisespeech.Once,whenhehadbeenaFour,hehadsaid,justpriortothemiddaymealatschool,''I'mstarving."
Immediatelyhehadbeentakenasideforabriefprivatelessoninlanguageprecision.Hewasnotstarving,itwaspointedout.Hewashungry.Nooneinthecommunitywasstarving,hadeverbeenstarving,wouldeverbestarving.Tosay''starving''wastospeakalie.Anunintentionedlie,ofcourse.Butthereasonforprecisionoflanguagewastoensurethatunintentionallieswereneveruttered.Didheunderstandthat`theyaskedhim.Andhehad.
Hehadnever,withinhismemory,beentemptedtolie.Asherdidnotlie.Lilydidnotlie.Hisparentsdidnotlie.Noonedid.Unless...
NowJonashadathoughtthathehadneverhadbefore.Thisnewthoughtwasfrightening.Whatifothers—adults—had,uponbecomingTwelves,receivedintheirinstructionsthesameterrifyingsentence?
Whatiftheyhadallbeeninstructed:Youmaylie?
Hismindreeled.Now,empoweredtoaskquestionsofutmostrudeness—andpromisedanswers—hecould,conceivably(thoughitwasalmostunimaginable),asksomeone,someadult,hisfatherperhaps:"Doyoulie?Buthewouldhavenowayofknowingiftheanswerhereceivedweretrue.
10
''Igoinhere,Jonas,"FionatoldhimwhentheyreachedthefrontdooroftheHouseoftheOldafterparkingtheirbicyclesinthedesignatedarea.
"Idon'tknowwhyI'mnervous,"sheconfessed."I'vebeenheresooftenbefore."Sheturnedherfolderoverinherhands.
"Well,everything'sdifferentnow,"Jonasremindedher.
"Eventhenameplatesonourbikes,"Fionalaughed.DuringthenightthenameplateofeachnewTwelvehadbeenremovedbytheMaintenanceCrewandreplacedwiththestylethatindicatedcitizen-in-training.
"Idon'twanttobelate,"shesaidhastily,andstartedupthesteps."Ifwefinishatthesametime,I'llridehomewithyou."
Jonasnodded,wavedtoher,andheadedaroundthebuildingtowardtheAnnex,asmallwingattachedtotheback.Hecertainlydidn'twanttobelateforhisfirstdayoftraining,either.
TheAnnexwasveryordinary,itsdoorunremarkable.Hereachedfortheheavyhandle,thennoticedabuzzeronthewall.Sohebuzzedinstead.
"Yes?"Thevoicecamethroughasmallspeakerabovethebuzzer.
"It's,uh,Jonas.I'mthenew—Imean—"
“Comein.”Aclickindicatedthatthedoorhadbeenunlatched.
ThelobbywasverysmallandcontainedonlyadeskatwhichafemaleAttendantsatworkingonsomepapers.Shelookedupwhenheentered;then,tohissurprise,shestood.Itwasasmallthing,thestanding;butnoonehadeverstoodautomaticallytoacknowledgeJonas'spresencebefore.
"Welcome,ReceiverofMemory,"shesaidrespectfully.
"Oh,please,"hereplieduncomfortably."CallmeJonas."
Shesmiled,pushedabutton,andheheardaclickthatunlockedthedoortoherleft."Youmaygorightonin,"shetoldhim.
Thensheseemedtonoticehisdiscomfortandtorealizeitsorigin.Nodoorsinthecommunitywerelocked,ever.NonethatJonasknewof,anyway.
"ThelocksaresimplytoinsureTheReceiver'sprivacybecauseheneedsconcentration,''sheexplained."Itwouldbedifficultifcitizenswanderedin,lookingfortheDepartmentofBicycleRepair,orsomething."
Jonaslaughed,relaxingalittle.Thewomanseemedveryfriendly,anditwastrue—infactitwasajokethroughoutthecommunity—thattheDepartmentofBicycleRepair,anunimportantlittleoffice,wasrelocatedsooftenthatnooneeverknewwhereitwas.
"Thereisnothingdangeroushere,''shetoldhim."But,''sheadded,glancingatthewallclock,''hedoesn'tliketobekeptwaiting."
Jonashurriedthroughthedoorandfoundhimselfinacomfortablyfurnishedlivingarea.Itwasnotunlikehisownfamilyunit'sdwelling.Furniturewasstandardthroughoutthecommunity:practical,sturdy,thefunctionofeachpiececlearlydefined.Abedforsleeping.Atableforeating.Adeskforstudying.
Allofthosethingswereinthisspaciousroom,thougheachwasslightlydifferentfromthoseinhisowndwelling.Thefabricsontheupholsteredchairsandsofawereslightlythickerandmoreluxurious;thetablelegswerenotstraightlikethoseathome,butslenderandcurved,withasmallcarveddecorationatthefoot.Thebed,inanalcoveatthefarendoftheroom,wasdrapedwithasplendidclothembroideredoveritsentiresurfacewithintricatede-signs.
Butthemostconspicuousdifferencewasthebooks.Inhisowndwelling,therewerethenecessaryreferencevolumesthateachhouseholdcontained:adictionary,andthethickcommunityvolumewhichcontaineddescriptionsofeveryoffice,factory,building,andcommittee.AndtheBookofRules,ofcourse.
ThebooksinhisowndwellingweretheonlybooksthatJonashadeverseen.Hehadneverknownthatotherbooksexisted.
Butthisroom'swallswerecompletelycoveredbybookcases,filled,whichreachedtotheceiling.Theremusthavebeenhundreds—perhapsthousands—ofbooks,theirtitlesembossedinshinyletters.
Jonasstaredatthem.Hecouldn'timaginewhatthethousandsofpagescontained.Couldthereberulesbeyondtherulesthatgovernedthecommunity?Couldtherebemoredescriptionsofofficesandfactoriesandcommittees?
Hehadonlyasecondtolookaroundbecausehewasawarethatthemansittinginachairbesidethetablewaswatchinghim.Hastilyhe
movedforward,stoodbeforetheman,bowedslightly,andsaid,"I'mJonas."
"Iknow.Welcome,ReceiverofMemory."
Jonasrecognizedtheman.HewastheElderwhohadseemedseparatefromtheothersattheCeremony,thoughhewasdressedinthesamespecialclothingthatonlyElderswore.
Jonaslookedself-consciouslyintothepaleeyesthatmirroredhisown.
"Sir,Iapologizeformylackofunderstanding...."
Hewaited,butthemandidnotgivethestandardaccepting-of-apologyresponse.
Afteramoment,Jonaswenton,"ButIthought—ImeanIthink,"hecorrected,remindinghimselfthatifprecisionoflanguagewereevertobeimportant,itwascertainlyimportantnow,inthepresenceofthisman,"thatyouarethereceiverofMemory.I'monly,well,Iwasonlyassigned,Imeanselected,yesterday.I'mnotanythingatall.Notyet."
Themanlookedathimthoughtfully,silently.Itwasalookthatcombinedinterest,curiosity,concern,andperhapsalittlesympathyaswell.
Finallyhespoke."Beginningtoday,thismoment,atleasttome,youareTheReceiver.
"IhavebeenTheReceiverforalongtime.Avery,verylongtime.Youcanseethat,can'tyou?"
Jonasnodded.Themanwaswrinkled,andhiseyes,thoughpiercingintheirunusuallightness,seemedtired.
Theflesharoundthemwasdarkenedintoshadowedcircles.
"Icanseethatyouareveryold,''Jonasrespondedwithrespect.TheOldwerealwaysgiventhehighestrespect.
Themansmiled.Hetouchedthesaggingfleshonhisownfacewithamusement.''Iamnot,actually,asoldasIlook,''hetoldJonas."Thisjobhasagedme.IknowIlookasifIshouldbescheduledforreleaseverysoon.ButactuallyIhaveagooddealoftimeleft.
"Iwaspleased,though,whenyouwereselected.Ittookthemalongtime.Thefailureofthepreviousselectionwastenyearsago,andmyenergyisstartingtodiminish.IneedwhatstrengthIhaveremainingforyourtraining.Wehavehardandpainfulworktodo,youandI.
''Pleasesitdown,"hesaid,andgesturedtowardthenearbychair.Jonasloweredhimselfontothesoftcushionedseat.
Themanclosedhiseyesandcontinuedspeaking."WhenIbecameaTwelve,Iwasselected,asyouwere.Iwasfrightened,asI'msureyouare."HeopenedhiseyesforamomentandpeeredatJonas,whonodded.
Theeyesclosedagain."Icametothisveryroomtobeginmytraining.Itwassuchalongtimeago.
"ThepreviousReceiverseemedjustasoldtomeasIdotoyou.HewasjustastiredasIamtoday."
Hesatforwardsuddenly,openedhiseyes,andsaid,''Youmayaskquestions.Ihavesolittleexperienceinde-scribingthisprocess.Itisforbiddentotalkofit.''
''Iknow,sir.Ihavereadtheinstructions,"Jonassaid.
''SoImayneglecttomakethingsasclearasIshould.''Theman
chuckled.''Myjobisimportantandhasenormoushonor.ButthatdoesnotmeanIamperfect,andwhenItriedbeforetotrainasuccessor,Ifailed.Pleaseaskanyquestionsthatwillhelpyou."
Inhismind,Jonashadquestions.Athousand.Amillionquestions.Asmanyquestionsastherewerebooksliningthewalls.Buthedidnotaskone,notyet.
Themansighed,seemingtoputhisthoughtsinorder.Thenhespokeagain."Simplystated,"hesaid,''althoughit'snotreallysimpleatall,myjobistotransmittoyouallthememoriesIhavewithinme.Memoriesofthepast.''
"Sir,"Jonassaidtentatively,"Iwouldbeveryinterestedtohearthestoryofyourlife,andtolistentoyourmemories.
"Iapologizeforinterrupting,"headdedquickly.
Themanwavedhishandimpatiently."Noapologiesinthisroom.Wehaven'ttime.''
"Well,''Jonaswenton,uncomfortablyawarethathemightbeinterruptingagain,"Iamreallyinterested,Idon'tmeanthatI'mnot.ButIdon'texactlyunderstandwhyit'ssoimportant.Icoulddosomeadultjobinthecommunity,andinmyrecreationtimeIcouldcomeandlistentothestoriesfromyourchildhood.I'dlikethat.Actually,"headded,"I'vedonethatalready,intheHouseoftheOld.TheOldliketotellabouttheirchildhoods,andit'salwaysfuntolisten.''
Themanshookhishead."No,no,"hesaid."I'mnotbeingclear.It'snotmypast,notmychildhoodthatImusttransmittoyou.
Heleanedback,restinghisheadagainstthebackoftheupholsteredchair."It'sthememoriesofthewholeworld,''hesaidwithasigh.''Beforeyou,beforeme,beforethepreviousReceiver,andgenerationsbefore
him.''
Jonasfrowned."Thewholeworld?"heasked.''Idon'tunderstand.Doyoumeannotjustus?Notjustthecommunity?DoyoumeanElsewhere,too?-"Hetried,inhismind,tograsptheconcept.''I'msorry,sir.Idon'tunder-standexactly.MaybeI'mnotsmartenough.Idon'tknowwhatyoumeanwhenyousay'thewholeworld'or'generationsbeforehim.'Ithoughttherewasonlyus.Ithoughttherewasonlynow."
"There'smuchmore.There'sallthatgoesbeyond—allthatisElsewhere—andallthatgoesback,andback,andback.Ireceivedallofthose,whenIwasselected.Andhereinthisroom,allalone,Ire-experiencethemagainandagain.Itishowwisdomcomes.Andhowweshapeourfuture."
Herestedforamoment,breathingdeeply.''Iamsoweightedwiththem,"hesaid.
Jonasfeltaterribleconcernfortheman,suddenly.
"It'sasif..."Themanpaused,seemingtosearchhismindfortherightwordsofdescription.''It'slikegoingdownhillthroughdeepsnowonasled,''hesaid,finally.''Atfirstit'sexhilarating:thespeed;thesharp,clearair;butthenthesnowaccumulates,buildsupontherunners,andyouslow,youhavetopushhardtokeepgoing,and—''
Heshookhisheadsuddenly,andpeeredatJonas."Thatmeantnothingtoyou,didit?"heasked.
Jonaswasconfused.''Ididn'tunderstandit,sir.''
''Ofcourseyoudidn't.Youdon'tknowwhatsnowis,doyou?''
Jonasshookhishead.
"Orasled?Runners?"
''No,sir,''Jonassaid.
"Downhill?Thetermmeansnothingtoyou?''''Nothing,sir."
Well,it'saplacetostart.I'dbeenwonderinghowtobegin.Movetothebed,andliefacedown.Removeyourtunicfirst.''
Jonasdidso,alittleapprehensively.Beneathhisbarechest,hefeltthesoftfoldsofthemagnificentcloththatcoveredthebed.Hewatchedasthemanroseandmovedfirsttothewallwherethespeakerwas.Itwasthesamesortofspeakerthatoccupiedaplaceineverydwelling,butonethingaboutitwasdifferent.Thisonehadaswitch,whichthemandeftlysnappedtotheendthatsaidOFF.
Jonasalmostgaspedaloud.Tohavethepowertoturnthespeakeroff.Itwasanastonishingthing.
Thenthemanmovedwithsurprisingquicknesstothecornerwherethebedwas.HesatonachairbesideJonas,whowasmotionless,waitingforwhatwouldhappennext.
"Closeyoureyes.Relax.Thiswillnotbepainful.''
Jonasrememberedthathewasallowed,thathehadevenbeenencouraged,toaskquestions."Whatareyougoingtodo,sir?''heasked,hopingthathisvoicedidn'tbetrayhisnervousness.
"Iamgoingtotransmitthememoryofsnow,''theoldmansaid,andplacedhishandsonJonas'sbareback.
11
Jonasfeltnothingunusualatfirst.Hefeltonlythelighttouchofthe
oldman'shandsonhisback.
Hetriedtorelax,tobreatheevenly.Theroomwasabsolutelysilent,andforamomentJonasfearedthathemightdisgracehimselfnow,onthefirstdayofhistraining,byfallingasleep.
Thenheshivered.Herealizedthatthetouchofthehandsfelt,suddenly,cold.Atthesameinstant,breathingin,hefelttheairchange,andhisverybreathwascold.Helickedhislips,andindoingso,histonguetouchedthesuddenlychilledair.
Itwasverystartling;buthewasnotatallfrightened,now.Hewasfilledwithenergy,andhebreathedagain,feelingthesharpintakeoffrigidair.Now,too,hecouldfeelcoldairswirlingaroundhisentirebody.Hefeltitblowagainsthishandswheretheylayathissides,andoverhisback.
Thetouchoftheman'shandsseemedtohavedisappeared.
Nowhebecameawareofanentirelynewsensation:pinpricks?No,becausetheyweresoftandwithoutpain.Tiny,cold,featherlikefeelingspepperedhisbodyandface.Heputouthistongueagain,andcaughtoneofthedotsofcolduponit.Itdisappearedfromhisawarenessinstantly;buthecaughtanother,andanother.Thesensationmadehimsmile.
Onepartofhisconsciousnessknewthathewasstilllyingthere,onthebed,intheAnnexroom.Yetanother,separatepartofhisbeingwasuprightnow,inasittingposition,andbeneathhimhecouldfeelthathewasnotonthesoftdecoratedbedcoveringatall,butratherseatedonaflat,hardsurface.Hishandsnowheld(thoughatthesametimetheywerestillmotionlessathissides)arough,damprope.
Andhecouldsee,thoughhiseyeswereclosed.Hecouldseeabright,whirlingtorrentofcrystalsintheairaroundhim,andhecouldseethem
gatheronthebacksofhishands,likecoldfur.
Hisbreathwasvisible.
Beyond,throughtheswirlofwhathenow,somehow,perceivedwasthethingtheoldmanhadspokenof—snow—hecouldlookoutanddownagreatdistance.Hewasuphighsomeplace.Thegroundwasthickwiththefurrysnow,buthesatslightlyaboveitonahard,flatobject.
Sled,heknewabruptly.Hewassittingonathingcalledsled.Andthesleditselfseemedtobepoisedatthetopofalong,extendedmoundthatrosefromtheverylandwherehewas.Evenashethoughttheword''mound,"hisnewconsciousnesstoldhimhill.
Thenthesled,withJonashimselfuponit,begantomovethroughthesnowfall,andheunderstoodinstantlythatnowhewasgoingdownhill.Novoicemadeanexplanation.Theexperienceexplaineditselftohim.
Hisfacecutthroughthefrigidairashebeganthedescent,movingthroughthesubstancecalledsnowonthevehiclecalledsled,whichpropelleditselfonwhathenowknewwithoutdoubttoberunners.
Comprehendingallofthosethingsashespeddown-ward,hewasfreetoenjoythebreathlessgleethatoverwhelmedhim:thespeed,theclearcoldair,thetotalsilence,thefeelingofbalanceandexcitementandpeace.
Then,astheangleofinclinelessened,asthemound—thehill—flattened,nearingthebottom,thesled'sfor-wardmotionslowed.Thesnowwaspilednowaroundit,andhepushedwithhisbody,movingitforward,notwantingtheexhilaratingridetoend.
Finallytheobstructionofthepiledsnowwastoomuchforthethinrunnersofthesled,andhecametoastop.Hesatthereforamoment,panting,holdingtheropeinhiscoldhands.Tentativelyheopenedhis
eyes—nothissnow–hill–sledeyes,fortheyhadbeenopenthroughoutthestrangeride.Heopenedhisordinaryeyes,andsawthathewasstillonthebed,thathehadnotmovedatall.
Theoldman,stillbesidethebed,waswatchinghim.'Howdoyoufee''heasked.
Jonassatupandtriedtoanswerhonestly."Surprised,"hesaid,afteramoment.
Theoldmanwipedhisforeheadwithhissleeve."Whew,"hesaid."Itwasexhausting.Butyouknow,eventransmittingthattinymemorytoyou—Ithinkitlightenedmejustalittle."
"Doyoumean—youdidsayIcouldaskquestions:''Themannodded,encouraginghisquestion.
"Doyoumeanthatnowyoudon'thavethememoryofit—ofthatrideonthesled—anymore?"
"That'sright.Alittleweightoffthisoldbody.''
"Butitwassuchfun!Andnowyoudon'thaveitany-more!Itookitfromyou!"
Buttheoldmanlaughed."AllIgaveyouwasoneride,ononesled,inonesnow,ononehill.Ihaveawholeworldoftheminmymemory.Icouldgivethemtoyouonebyone,athousandtimes,andtherewouldstillbemore."
"AreyousayingthatI—Imeanwe—coulddoitagain?"Jonasasked."I'dreallyliketo.IthinkIcouldsteer,bypullingtherope.Ididn'ttrythistime,becauseitwassonew.
Theoldman,laughing,shookhishead."Maybean-otherday,fora
treat.Butthere'snotime,really,justtoplay.Ionlywantedtobeginbyshowingyouhowitworks.
"Now,"hesaid,turningbusinesslike,''Liebackdown.Iwantto—"
Jonasdid.Hewaseagerforwhateverexperiencewouldcomenext.Buthehad,suddenly,somanyquestions.
"Whydon'twehavesnow,andsleds,andhills."'heasked."Andwhendidwe,inthepast?Didmyparentshavesledswhentheywereyoung?Didyou?"
Theoldmanshruggedandgaveashortlaugh."No,"hetoldJonas."It'saverydistantmemory.That'swhyitwassoexhausting—Ihadtotugitforwardfrommanygenerationsback.ItwasgiventomewhenIwasanewReceiver,andthepreviousReceiverhadtopullitthroughalongtimeperiod,too."
"Butwhathappenedtothosethings?Snow,andtherestofit?"
"ClimateControl.Snowmadegrowingfooddifficult,limitedtheagriculturalperiods.Andunpredictableweathermadetransportationalmostimpossibleattimes.Itwasn'tapracticalthing,soitbecameobsoletewhenwewenttoSameness.
''Andhills,too,''headded.''Theymadeconveyanceofgoodsunwieldy.Trucks;buses.Slowedthemdown.So—''Hewavedhishand,asifagesturehadcausedhillstodisappear.''Sameness,''heconcluded.
Jonasfrowned.''Iwishwehadthosethings,still.Justnowandthen.''
Theoldmansmiled.''SodoI''hesaid.''Butthatchoiceisnotours.''
"Butsir,"Jonassuggested,"sinceyouhavesomuchpower—"
Themancorrectedhim."Honor,"hesaidfirmly."Ihavegreathonor.Sowillyou.Butyouwillfindthatthatisnotthesameaspower.
"Liequietlynow.Sincewe'veenteredintothetopicofclimate,letmegiveyousomethingelse.AndthistimeI'mnotgoingtotellyouthenameofit,becauseIwanttotestthereceiving.Youshouldbeabletoperceivethenamewithoutbeingtold.Igaveawaysnowandsledanddown-hillandrunnersbytellingthemtoyouinadvance.''
Withoutbeinginstructed,Jonasclosedhiseyesagain.Hefeltthehandsonhisbackagain.Hewaited.
Nowitcamemorequickly,thefeelings.Thistimethehandsdidn'tbecomecold,butinsteadbegantofeelwarmonhisbody.Theymoistenedalittle.Thewarmthspread,extendingacrosshisshoulders,uphisneck,ontothesideofhisface.Hecouldfeelitthroughhisclothedparts,too:apleasant,all-oversensation;andwhenhelickedhislipsthistime,theairwashotandheavy.
Hedidn'tmove.Therewasnosled.Hisposturedidn'tchange.Hewassimplyalonesomeplace,outofdoors,lyingdown,andthewarmthcamefromfarabove.Itwasnotasexcitingastheridethroughthesnowyair;butitwaspleasurableandcomforting.
Suddenlyheperceivedthewordforit:sunshine.Heperceivedthatitcamefromthesky.
Thenitended.
"Sunshine,”hesaidaloud,openinghiseyes.
"Good.Youdidgettheword.Thatmakesmyjobeasier.Notsomuchexplaining."
"Anditcamefromthesky."
"That'sright,"theoldmansaid.''Justthewayitusedto.
"BeforeSameness.BeforeClimateControl,"Jonasadded.
Themanlaughed."Youreceivewell,andlearnquickly.I'mverypleasedwithyou.That'senoughfortoday,Ithink.We'reofftoagoodstart."
TherewasaquestionbotheringJonas."Sir,"hesaid,"TheChiefEldertoldme—shetoldeveryone—andyoutoldme,too,thatitwouldbepainful.SoIwasalittlescared.Butitdidn'thurtatall.Ireallyenjoyedit.''Helookedquizzicallyattheoldman.
Themansighed."Istartedyouwithmemoriesofpleasure.Mypreviousfailuregavemethewisdomtodothat.''Hetookafewdeepbreaths."Jonas,"hesaid,"itwillbepainful.Butitneednotbepainfulyet."
"I'mbrave.Ireallyam."Jonassatupalittlestraighter.Theoldmanlookedathimforamoment.Hesmiled."Icanseethat,"hesaid."Well,sinceyouaskedthequestion—IthinkIhaveenoughenergyforonemoretrans-mission.
''Liedownoncemore.Thiswillbethelasttoday.''
Jonasobeyedcheerfully.Heclosedhiseyes,waiting,andfeltthehandsagain;thenhefeltthewarmthagain,thesunshineagain,comingfromtheskyofthisotherconsciousnessthatwassonewtohim.Thistime,ashelaybaskinginthewonderfulwarmth,hefeltthepassageoftime.Hisrealselfwasawarethatitwasonlyaminuteortwo;buthisother,memory-receivingselffelthourspassinthesun.Hisskinbegantosting.Restlesslyhemovedonearm,bendingit,andfeltasharppaininthecreaseofhisinnerarmattheelbow.
"Ouch,''hesaidloudly,andshiftedonthebed."Owwww,"hesaid,
wincingattheshift,andevenmm-inghismouthtospeakmadehisfacehurt.
Heknewtherewasaword,butthepainkepthimfromgraspingit.
Thenitended.Heopenedhiseyes,wincingwithdiscomfort."Ithurt,''hetoldtheman,''andIcouldn'tgetthewordforit."
''Itwassunburn,"theoldmantoldhim.
"Ithurtalot,''Jonassaid,''butI'mgladyougaveittome.Itwasinteresting.AndnowIunderstandbetter,whatitmeant,thattherewouldbepain."
Themandidn'trespond.Hesatsilentlyforasecond.Finallyhesaid,''Getup,now.It'stimeforyoutogohome.''
Theybothwalkedtothecenteroftheroom.Jonasputhistunicbackon."Goodbye,sir,''hesaid.''Thankyouformyfirstday.''
Theoldmannoddedtohim.Helookeddrained,andalittlesad.
"Sir?"Jonassaidshyly.
"Yes?Doyouhaveaquestion?-"
"It'sjustthatIdon'tknowyourname.IthoughtyouwereTheReceiver,butyousaythatnowI’mTheReceiver.SoIdon'tknowwhattocallyou.''
Themanhadsatbackdowninthecomfortableupholsteredchair.Hemovedhisshouldersaroundasiftoeaseawayanachingsensation.Heseemedterriblyweary.
"CallmeTheGiver,''hetoldJonas.
12
"Yousleptsoundly,Jonas?"hismotheraskedatthemorningmeal."Nodreams?"
Jonassimplysmiledandnodded,notreadytolie,notwillingtotellthetruth."Isleptverysoundly,"hesaid.
"Iwishthisonewould,"hisfathersaid,leaningdownfromhischairtotouchGabriel'swavingfist.Thebasketwasonthefloorbesidehim;initscorner,besideGabriel'shead,thestuffedhipposatstaringwithitsblankeyes.
"SodoI,"Mothersaid,rollinghereyes."He'ssofretfulatnight."
Jonashadnotheardthenewchildduringthenightbe-causeasalways,hehadsleptsoundly.Butitwasnottruethathehadnodreams.
Againandagain,asheslept,hehadsliddownthatsnow-coveredhill.Always,inthedream,itseemedasiftherewereadestination:asomething—hecouldnotgraspwhat—thatlaybeyondtheplacewherethethicknessofsnowbroughtthesledtoastop.
Hewasleft,uponawakening,withthefeelingthathewanted,evensomehowneeded,toreachthesomethingthatwaitedinthedistance.Thefeelingthatitwasgood.Thatitwaswelcoming.Thatitwassignificant.
Buthedidnotknowhowtogetthere.
Hetriedtoshedtheleftoverdream,gatheringhisschoolworkandpreparingfortheday.
Schoolseemedalittledifferenttoday.Theclasseswerethesame:languageandcommunications;commerceandindustry;scienceandtechnology;civilproceduresandgovernment.Butduringthebreaksfor
recreationperiodsandthemiddaymeal,theothernewTwelveswereabuzzwithdescriptionsoftheirfirstdayoftraining.Allofthemtalkedatonce,interruptingeachother,hastilymakingtherequiredapologyforinterrupting,thenforgettingagainintheexcitementofdescribingthenewexperiences.
Jonaslistened.Hewasveryawareofhisownadmonitionnottodiscusshistraining.Butitwouldhavebeenimpossible,anyway.TherewasnowaytodescribetohisfriendswhathehadexperiencedthereintheAnnexroom.Howcouldyoudescribeasledwithoutdescribingahillandsnow;andhowcouldyoudescribeahillandsnowtosomeonewhohadneverfeltheightorwindorthatfeathery,magicalcold?
Eventrainedforyearsastheyallhadbeeninprecisionoflanguage,whatwordscouldyouusewhichwouldgiveanothertheexperienceofsunshine?
SoitwaseasyforJonastobestillandtolisten.
AfterschoolhoursherodeagainbesideFionatotheHouseoftheOld.
"Ilookedforyouyesterday,"shetoldhim,"sowecouldridehometogether.Yourbikewasstillthere,andIwaitedforalittlewhile.Butitwasgettinglate,soIwentonhome."
"Iapologizeformakingyouwait,"Jonassaid.
"Iacceptyourapology,"sherepliedautomatically.
"IstayedalittlelongerthanIexpected,"Jonasexplained.
Shepedaledforwardsilently,andheknewthatsheexpectedhimtotellherwhy.Sheexpectedhimtodescribehisfirstdayoftraining.Buttoaskwouldhavefallenintothecategoryofrudeness.
"You'vebeendoingsomanyvolunteerhourswiththeOld,"Jonassaid,changingthesubject."Therewon'tbemuchthatyoudon'talreadyknow."
"Oh,there'slotstolearn,"Fionareplied."There'sadministrativework,andthedietaryrules,andpunishmentfordisobedience—didyouknowthattheyuseadisciplinewandontheOld,thesameasforsmallchildren?Andthere'soccupationaltherapy,andrecreationalactivities,andmedications,and—"
Theyreachedthebuildingandbrakedtheirbikes.
"IreallythinkI'lllikeitbetterthanschool,"Fionaconfessed.
"Metoo,"Jonasagreed,wheelinghisbikeintoitsplace.
Shewaitedforasecond,asif,again,sheexpectedhimtogoon.Thenshelookedatherwatch,waved,andhurriedtowardtheentrance.
Jonasstoodforamomentbesidehisbike,startled.Ithadhappenedagain:thethingthathethoughtofnowas"seeingbeyond."ThistimeithadbeenFionawhohadundergonethatfleetingindescribablechange.Ashelookedupandtowardhergoingthroughthedoor,ithappened;shechanged.Actually,Jonasthought,tryingtore-createitinhismind,itwasn'tFionainherentirety.Itseemedtobejustherhair.Andjustforthatflickeringinstant.
Heranthroughitinhismind.Itwasclearlybeginningtohappenmoreoften.First,theappleafewweeksbefore.ThenexttimehadbeenthefacesintheaudienceattheAuditorium,justtwodaysago.Now,today,Fiona'shair.
Frowning,JonaswalkedtowardtheAnnex.IwillaskTheGiver,hedecided.
Theoldmanlookedup,smiling,whenJonasenteredtheroom.Hewas
alreadyseatedbesidethebed,andheseemedmoreenergetictoday,slightlyrenewed,andgladtoseeJonas.
"Welcome,"hesaid."Wemustgetstarted.You'reoneminutelate."
"Iapologi—"Jonasbegan,andthenstopped,flustered,rememberingthereweretobenoapologies.
Heremovedhistunicandwenttothebed."I'moneminutelatebecausesomethinghappened,"heexplained."AndI'dliketoaskyouaboutit,ifyoudon'tmind."
Youmayaskmeanything."
Jonastriedtosortitoutinhismindsothathecouldexplainitclearly."Ithinkit'swhatyoucallseeing-beyond,"hesaid.
TheGivernodded."Describeit,"hesaid.
Jonastoldhimabouttheexperiencewiththeapple.Thenthemomentonthestage,whenhehadlookedoutandseenthesamephenomenoninthefacesofthecrowd."Thentoday,justnow,outside,ithappenedwithmyfriendFiona.Sheherselfdidn'tchange,exactly.Butsomethingaboutherchangedforasecond.Herhairlookeddifferent;butnotinitsshape,notinitslength.Ican'tquite—"Jonaspaused,frustratedbyhisinabilitytograspanddescribeexactlywhathadoccurred.
Finallyhesimplysaid,"Itchanged.Idon'tknowhow,orwhy.
"That'swhyIwasoneminutelate,"heconcluded,andlookedquestioninglyatTheGiver.
Tohissurprise,theoldmanaskedhimaquestionwhichseemedunrelatedtotheseeing-beyond."WhenIgaveyouthememoryyesterday,thefirstone,therideonthesled,didyoulookaround?"
Jonasnodded."Yes,"hesaid,"butthestuff—Imeanthesnow—intheairmadeithardtoseeanything.""Didyoulookatthesled?"
Jonasthoughtback."No.Ionlyfeltitunderme.Idreamedofitlastnight,too.ButIdon'trememberseeingthesledinmydream,either.Justfeelingit."
TheGiverseemedtobethinking.
"WhenIwasobservingyou,beforetheselection,Iperceivedthatyouprobablyhadthecapacity,andwhatyoudescribeconfirmsthat.Ithappenedsomewhatdifferentlytome,"TheGivertoldhim."WhenIwasjustyourage—abouttobecomethenewReceiver—Ibegantoexperienceit,thoughittookadifferentform.Withmeitwas...well,Iwon'tdescribethatnow;youwouldn'tunder-standityet.
"ButIthinkIcanguesshowit'shappeningwithyou.Letmejustmakealittletest,toconfirmmyguess.Liedown."
Jonaslayonthebedagainwithhishandsathissides.Hefeltcomfortableherenow.HeclosedhiseyesandwaitedforthefamiliarfeelofTheGiver'shandsonhisback.
Butitdidn'tcome.Instead,TheGiverinstructedhim,"Callbackthememoryoftherideonthesled.Justthebe-ginningofit,whereyou'reatthetopofthehill,beforetheslidestarts.Andthistime,lookdownatthesled."
Jonaswaspuzzled.Heopenedhiseyes."Excuseme,"heaskedpolitely,"butdon'tyouhavetogivemethememory?"
"It'syourmemory,now,It'snotminetoexperienceanylonger.Igaveitaway."
"ButhowcanIcallitback?"
"Youcanrememberlastyear,ortheyearthatyouwereaSeven,oraFive,can'tyou?"
"Ofcourse."
"It'smuchthesame.Everyoneinthecommunityhasone-generationmemorieslikethose.Butnowyouwillbeabletogobackfarther.Try.Justconcentrate."
Jonasclosedhiseyesagain.Hetookadeepbreathandsoughtthesledandthehillandthesnowinhisconsciousness.
Theretheywere,withnoeffort.Hewasagainsittinginthatwhirlingworldofsnowflakes,atopthehill.
Jonasgrinnedwithdelight,andblewhisownsteamybreathintoview.Then,ashehadbeeninstructed,helookeddown.Hesawhisownhands,furredagainwithsnow,holdingtherope.Hesawhislegs,andmovedthemasideforaglimpseofthesledbeneath.
Dumbfounded,hestaredatit.Thistimeitwasnotafleetingimpression.Thistimethesledhad—andcontinuedtohave,asheblinked,andstaredatitagain—thatsamemysteriousqualitythattheapplehadhadsobriefly.AndFiona'shair.Thesleddidnotchange.Itsimplywas—whateverthethingwas.
Jonasopenedhiseyesandwasstillonthebed.TheGiverwaswatchinghimcuriously.
"Yes,"Jonassaidslowly."Isawit,inthesled."
"Letmetryonemorething.Lookoverthere,tothebookcase.Doyouseetheverytoprowofbooks,theonesbehindthetable,onthetopshelf?"
Jonassoughtthemwithhiseyes.Hestaredatthem,andtheychanged.Butthechangewasfleeting.Itslippedawaythenextinstant.
"Ithappened,"Jonassaid."Ithappenedtothebooks,butitwentawayagain."
"I'mright,then,"TheGiversaid."You'rebeginningtoseethecolorred."
"Thewhat?"
TheGiversighed."Howtoexplainthis?Once,backinthetimeofthememories,everythinghadashapeandsize,thewaythingsstilldo,buttheyalsohadaqualitycalledcolor.
"Therewerealotofcolors,andoneofthemwascalledred.That'stheoneyouarestartingtosee.YourfriendFionahasredhair—quitedistinctive,actually;I'venoticeditbefore.WhenyoumentionedFiona'shair,itwasthecluethattoldmeyouwereprobablybeginningtoseethecolorred."
"Andthefacesofpeople?TheonesIsawattheCeremony?"
TheGivershookhishead."No,fleshisn'tred.Butithasredtonesinit.Therewasatime,actually—you'llseethisinthememorieslater—whenfleshwasmanydifferentcolors.ThatwasbeforewewenttoSameness.Todayfleshisallthesame,andwhatyousawwastheredtones.
Probablywhenyousawthefacestakeoncoloritwasn'tasdeeporvibrantastheapple,oryourfriend'shair."
TheGiverchuckled,suddenly."We'venevercompletelymasteredSameness.Isupposethegeneticscientistsarestillhardatworktryingtoworkthekinksout.HairlikeFiona'smustdrivethemcrazy."
Jonaslistened,tryinghardtocomprehend."Andthesled?"hesaid."Ithadthatsamething:thecolorred.Butitdidn'tchange,Giver.Itjustwas."
"Becauseit'samemoryfromthetimewhencolorwas.""Itwasso—oh,Iwishlanguageweremoreprecise!Theredwassobeautiful!"
TheGivernodded."Itis."
"Doyouseeitallthetime?"
"Iseeallofthem.Allthecolors."
"WillI?"
"Ofcourse.Whenyoureceivethememories.Youhavethecapacitytoseebeyond.You'llgainwisdom,then,alongwithcolors.Andlotsmore."
Jonaswasn'tinterested,justthen,inwisdom.Itwasthecolorsthatfascinatedhim."Whycan'teveryoneseethem?Whydidcolorsdisappear?"
TheGivershrugged."Ourpeoplemadethatchoice,thechoicetogotoSameness.Beforemytime,beforetheprevioustime,backandbackandback.Werelinquishedcolorwhenwerelinquishedsunshineanddidawaywithdifferences."Hethoughtforamoment."Wegainedcontrolofmanythings.Butwehadtoletgoofothers."
"Weshouldn'thave!"Jonassaidfiercely.
TheGiverlookedstartledatthecertaintyofJonas'sre-action.Thenhesmiledwryly."You'vecomeveryquickly
tothatconclusion,"hesaid."Ittookmemanyyears.Maybeyour
wisdomwillcomemuchmorequicklythanmine."
Heglancedatthewallclock."Liebackdown,now.Wehavesomuchtodo."
"Giver,"Jonasaskedashearrangedhimselfagainonthebed,"howdidithappentoyouwhenyouwerebe-comingTheReceiver?Yousaidthattheseeing-beyondhappenedtoyou,butnotthesameway."
Thehandscametohisback."Anotherday,"TheGiversaidgently."I'lltellyouanotherday.Nowwemustwork.AndI'vethoughtofawaytohelpyouwiththeconceptofcolor.
"Closeyoureyesandbestill,now.I'mgoingtogiveyouamemoryofarainbow."
13
Dayswentby,andweeks.Jonaslearned,throughthememories,thenamesofcolors;andnowhebegantoseethemall,inhisordinarylife(thoughheknewitwasordinarynolonger,andwouldneverbeagain).Buttheydidn'tlast.Therewouldbeaglimpseofgreen—thelandscapedlawnaroundtheCentralPlaza;abushontheriverbank.Thebrightorangeofpumpkinsbeingtruckedinfromtheagriculturalfieldsbeyondthecommunityboundary—seeninaninstant,theflashofbrilliantcolor,butgoneagain,returningtotheirflatandhuelessshade.
TheGivertoldhimthatitwouldbeaverylongtimebeforehehadthecolorstokeep.
"ButIwantthem!"Jonassaidangrily."Itisn'tfairthatnothinghascolor!"
"Notfair?"TheGiverlookedatJonascuriously."Ex-plainwhatyoumean."
"Well...”Jonashadtostopandthinkitthrough."Ifeverything'sthesame,thentherearen'tanychoices!Iwanttowakeupinthemorninganddecidethings!Abluetunic,oraredone?"
Helookeddownathimself,atthecolorlessfabricofhisclothing."Butit'sallthesame,always."
Thenhelaughedalittle."Iknowit'snotimportant,whatyouwear.Itdoesn'tmatter.But—
"It'sthechoosingthat'simportant,isn'tit?"TheGiveraskedhim.
Jonasnodded."Mylittlebrother—"hebegan,andthencorrectedhimself."No,that'sinaccurate.He'snotmybrother,notreally.Butthisnewchildthatmyfamilytakescareof—hisname'sGabriel?"
"Yes,IknowaboutGabriel."
"Well,he'srightattheagewherehe'slearningsomuch.Hegrabstoyswhenweholdtheminfrontofhim—myfathersayshe'slearningsmall-musclecontrol.Andhe'sreallycute."
TheGivernodded.
"ButnowthatIcanseecolors,atleastsometimes,Iwasjustthinking:whatifwecouldholdupthingsthatwerebrightred,orbrightyellow,andhecouldchoose?InsteadoftheSameness."
"Hemightmakewrongchoices."
"Oh."Jonaswassilentforaminute."Oh,Iseewhatyoumean.Itwouldn'tmatterforanewchild'stoy.Butlateritdoesmatter,doesn'tit?Wedon'tdaretoletpeoplemakechoicesoftheirown."
"Notsafe?"TheGiversuggested.
"Definitelynotsafe,"Jonassaidwithcertainty."Whatiftheywereallowedtochoosetheirownmate?Andchosewrong?
"Orwhatif,"hewenton,almostlaughingattheabsurdity,"theychosetheirownjobs?"
"Frightening,isn'tit?"TheGiversaid.
Jonaschuckled."Veryfrightening.Ican'tevenimagineit.Wereallyhavetoprotectpeoplefromwrongchoices."
"It'ssafer."
"Yes,"Jonasagreed."Muchsafer."
Butwhentheconversationturnedtootherthings,Jonaswasleft,still,withafeelingoffrustrationthathedidn'tunderstand.
Hefoundthathewasoftenangry,now:irrationallyangryathisgroupmates,thattheyweresatisfiedwiththeirliveswhichhadnoneofthevibrancehisownwastakingon.Andhewasangryathimself,thathecouldnotchangethatforthem.
Hetried.WithoutaskingpermissionfromTheGiver,becausehefeared—orknew—thatitwouldbedenied,hetriedtogivehisnewawarenesstohisfriends.
"Asher,"Jonassaidonemorning,"lookatthoseflowersverycarefully."TheywerestandingbesideabedofgeraniumsplantedneartheHallofOpenRecords.HeputhishandsonAsher'sshoulders,andconcentratedontheredofthepetals,tryingtoholditaslongashecould,andtryingatthesametimetotransmittheawarenessofredtohisfriend.
"What'sthematter?"Asheraskeduneasily."Issome-thingwrong?"HemovedawayfromJonas'shands.Itwasextremelyrudeforonecitizento
touchanotheroutsideoffamilyunits.
"No,nothing.Ithoughtforaminutethattheywerewilting,andweshouldlettheGardeningCrewknowtheyneededmorewatering."Jonassighed,andturnedaway.
Oneeveninghecamehomefromhistrainingweightedwithnewknowledge.TheGiverhadchosenastartlinganddisturbingmemorythatday.Underthetouchofhishands,Jonashadfoundhimselfsuddenlyinaplacethatwascompletelyalien:hotandwindsweptunderavast
bluesky.Thereweretuftsofsparsegrass,afewbushesandrocks,andnearbyhecouldseeanareaofthickervegetation:broad,lowtreesoutlinedagainstthesky.Hecouldhearnoises:thesharpcrackofweapons—heperceivedthewordguns—andthenshouts,andanimmensecrashingthudassomethingfell,tearingbranchesfromthetrees.
Heheardvoicescallingtooneanother.Peeringfromtheplacewherehestoodhiddenbehindsomeshrubbery,hewasremindedofwhatTheGiverhadtoldhim,thattherehadbeenatimewhenfleshhaddifferentcolors.Twoofthesemenhaddarkbrownskin;theotherswerelight.Goingcloser,hewatchedthemhackthetusksfromamotionlesselephantonthegroundandhaulthemaway,spatteredwithblood.Hefelthimselfoverwhelmedwithanewperceptionofthecolorheknewasred.
Thenthemenweregone,speedingtowardthehorizoninavehiclethatspitpebblesfromitswhirlingtires.Onehithisforeheadandstunghimthere.Butthememorycontinued,thoughJonasachednowforittoend.
Nowhesawanotherelephantemergefromtheplacewhereithadstoodhiddeninthetrees.Veryslowlyitwalkedtothemutilatedbodyandlookeddown.Withitssinuoustrunkitstrokedthehugecorpse;thenitreachedup,brokesomeleafybrancheswithasnap,anddrapedthemoverthemassoftornthickflesh.
Finallyittilteditsmassivehead,raiseditstrunk,androaredintotheemptylandscape.Jonashadneverheardsuchasound.Itwasasoundofrageandgriefanditseemednevertoend.
Hecouldstillhearitwhenheopenedhiseyesandlayanguishedonthebedwherehereceivedthememories.Itcontinuedtoroarintohisconsciousnessashepedaledslowlyhome.
"Lily,"heaskedthateveningwhenhissistertookhercomfortobject,thestuffedelephant,fromtheshelf,"didyouknowthatoncetherereallywereelephants?Liveones?"
Sheglanceddownattheraggedcomfortobjectandgrinned."Right,"shesaid,skeptically."Sure,Jonas."
JonaswentandsatbesidethemwhilehisfatheruntiedLily'shairribbonsandcombedherhair.Heplacedonehandoneachoftheirshoulders.Withallofhisbeinghetriedtogiveeachofthemapieceofthememory:notofthetorturedcryoftheelephant,butofthebeingoftheelephant,ofthetowering,immensecreatureandthemeticuloustouchwithwhichithadtendeditsfriendattheend.
ButhisfatherhadcontinuedtocombLily'slonghair,andLily,impatient,hadfinallywiggledunderherbrother'stouch."Jonas,"shesaid,"you'rehurtingmewithyourhand."
"Iapologizeforhurtingyou,Lily,"Jonasmumbled,andtookhishandaway.
"'Cceptyourapology,"Lilyrespondedindifferently,strokingthelifelesselephant.
"Giver,"Jonasaskedonce,astheypreparedfortheday'swork,"don'tyouhaveaspouse?Aren'tyouallowedtoapplyforone?"Althoughhewasexemptedfromtherulesagainstrudeness,hewasawarethatthiswas
arudequestion.ButTheGiverhadencouragedallofhisquestions,notseemingtobeembarrassedoroffendedbyeventhemostpersonal.
TheGiverchuckled."No,there'snoruleagainstit.AndIdidhaveaspouse.You'reforgettinghowoldIam,Jonas.MyformerspouselivesnowwiththeChildlessAdults."
"Oh,ofcourse."JonashadforgottenTheGiver'sobviousage.Whenadultsofthecommunitybecameolder,theirlivesbecamedifferent.Theywerenolongerneededtocreatefamilyunits.Jonas'sownparents,whenheandLilyweregrown,wouldgotolivewiththeChildlessAdults.
"You'llbeabletoapplyforaspouse,Jonas,ifyouwantto.I'llwarnyou,though,thatitwillbedifficult.Yourlivingarrangementswillhavetobedifferentfromthoseofmostfamilyunits,becausethebooksareforbiddentocitizens.YouandIaretheonlyoneswithaccesstothebooks."
Jonasglancedaroundattheastonishingarrayofvolumes.Fromtimetotime,now,hecouldseetheircolors.Withtheirhourstogether,hisandTheGiver's,consumedbyconversationandbythetransmissionofmemories,Jonashadnotyetopenedanyofthebooks.Buthereadthetitleshereandthere,andknewthattheycontainedalloftheknowledgeofcenturies,andthatonedaytheywouldbelongtohim.
"SoifIhaveaspouse,andmaybechildren,Iwillhavetohidethebooksfromthem?"
TheGivernodded."Iwasn'tpermittedtosharethebookswithmyspouse,that'scorrect.Andthereareotherdifficulties,too.YouremembertherulethatsaysthenewReceivercan'ttalkabouthistraining?"
Jonasnodded.Ofcourseheremembered.Ithadturnedout,byfar,tobethemostfrustratingoftheruleshewasrequiredtoobey.
"WhenyoubecometheofficialReceiver,whenwe'refinishedhere,you'llbegivenawholenewsetofrules.ThosearetherulesthatIobey.Anditwon'tsurpriseyouthatIamforbiddentotalkaboutmyworktoanyoneexceptthenewReceiver.That'syou,ofcourse.
"Sotherewillbeawholepartofyourlifewhichyouwon'tbeabletosharewithafamily.It'shard,Jonas.Itwashardforme.
"Youdounderstand,don'tyou,thatthisismylife?Thememories?"
Jonasnoddedagain,buthewaspuzzled.Didn'tlifeconsistofthethingsyoudideachday?Therewasn'tany-thingelse,really."I'veseenyoutakingwalks,"hesaid.
TheGiversighed."Iwalk.Ieatatmealtime.AndwhenIamcalledbytheCommitteeofElders,Iappearbeforethem,togivethemcounselandadvice."
"Doyouadvisethemoften?"Jonaswasalittlefrightenedatthethoughtthatonedayhewouldbetheonetoadvisetherulingbody.
ButTheGiversaidno."Rarely.Onlywhentheyarefacedwithsomethingthattheyhavenotexperiencedbe-fore.Thentheycalluponmetousethememoriesandad-visethem.Butitveryseldomhappens.SometimesIwishthey'daskformywisdommoreoften—therearesomanythingsIcouldtellthem;thingsIwishtheywouldchange.Buttheydon'twantchange.Lifehereissoorderly,sopredictable—sopainless.It'swhatthey'vechosen.
"Idon'tknowwhytheyevenneedaReceiver,then,iftheynevercalluponhim,"Jonascommented.
"Theyneedme.Andyou,"TheGiversaid,butdidn'texplain."Theywereremindedofthattenyearsago."
"Whathappenedtenyearsago?"Jonasasked."Oh,Iknow.Youtriedtotrainasuccessoranditfailed.Why?Whydidthatremindthem?"
TheGiversmiledgrimly."WhenthenewReceiverfailed,thememoriesthatshehadreceivedwerereleased.Theydidn'tcomebacktome.Theywent..."
Hepaused,andseemedtobestrugglingwiththeconcept."Idon'tknow,exactly.TheywenttotheplacewherememoriesonceexistedbeforeReceiverswerecreated.Someplaceoutthere—"Hegesturedvaguelywithhisarm."Andthenthepeoplehadaccesstothem.Apparentlythat'sthewayitwas,once.Everyonehadaccesstomemories.
"Itwaschaos,"hesaid."Theyreallysufferedforawhile.Finallyitsubsidedasthememorieswereassimilated.ButitcertainlymadethemawareofhowtheyneedaReceivertocontainallthatpain.Andknowledge."
"Butyouhavetosufferlikethatallthetime,"Jonaspointedout.
TheGivernodded."Andyouwill.It'smylife.Itwillbeyours."
Jonasthoughtaboutit,aboutwhatitwouldbelikeforhim."Alongwithwalkingandeatingand—"Helookedaroundthewallsofbooks."Reading?That'sit?"
TheGivershookhishead."ThosearesimplythethingsthatIdo,Mylifeishere."
"Inthisroom?"
TheGivershookhishead.Heputhishandstohisownface,tohischest."No.Here,inmybeing.Wherethememoriesare."
"MyInstructorsinscienceandtechnologyhavetaughtusabout
howthebrainworks,"Jonastoldhimeagerly."It'sfullofelectricalimpulses.It'slikeacomputer.Ifyoustimulateonepartofthebrainwithanelectrode,it—"Hestoppedtalking.HecouldseeanoddlookonTheGiver'sface.
"Theyknownothing,"TheGiversaidbitterly.
Jonaswasshocked.SincethefirstdayintheAnnexroom,theyhadtogetherdisregardedtherulesaboutrudeness,andJonasfeltcomfortablewiththatnow.Butthiswasdifferent,andfarbeyondrude.Thiswasaterribleaccusation.Whatifsomeonehadheard?
Heglancedquicklyatthewallspeaker,terrifiedthattheCommitteemightbelisteningastheycouldatanytime.But,asalwaysduringtheirsessionstogether,theswitchhadbeenturnedtoOFF.
"Nothing?"Jonaswhisperednervously."Butmyinstructors—"
TheGiverflickedhishandasifbrushingsomethingaside."Oh,yourinstructorsarewelltrained.Theyknowtheirscientificfacts.Everyoneiswelltrainedforhisjob.
"It'sjustthat...withoutthememoriesit'sallmeaningless.Theygavethatburdentome.AndtothepreviousReceiver.Andtheonebeforehim."
"Andbackandbackandback,"Jonassaid,knowingthephrasethatalwayscame.
TheGiversmiled,thoughhissmilewasoddlyharsh."That'sright.Andnextitwillbeyou.Agreathonor."
"Yes,sir.TheytoldmethatattheCeremony.Theveryhighesthonor."
SomeafternoonsTheGiversenthimawaywithouttraining.Jonas
knew,ondayswhenhearrivedtofindThe
Giverhunchedover,rockinghisbodyslightlybackandforth,hisfacepale,thathewouldbesentaway.
"Go,"TheGiverwouldtellhimtensely."I'minpaintoday.Comebacktomorrow."
Onthosedays,worriedanddisappointed,Jonaswouldwalkalonebesidetheriver.ThepathswereemptyofpeopleexceptforthefewDeliveryCrewsandLandscapeWorkershereandthere.SmallchildrenwereallattheChildcareCenterafterschool,andtheolderonesbusywithvolunteerhoursortraining.
Byhimself,hetestedhisowndevelopingmemory.Hewatchedthelandscapeforglimpsesofthegreenthatheknewwasembeddedintheshrubbery;whenitcameflickeringintohisconsciousness,hefocuseduponit,keepingitthere,darkeningit,holdingitinhisvisionaslongaspossibleuntilhisheadhurtandheletitfadeaway.
Hestaredattheflat,colorlesssky,bringingbluefromit,andrememberedsunshineuntilfinally,foraninstant,hecouldfeelwarmth.
Hestoodatthefootofthebridgethatspannedtheriver,thebridgethatcitizenswereallowedtocrossonlyonofficialbusiness.Jonashadcrosseditonschooltrips,visitingtheoutlyingcommunities,andheknewthatthelandbeyondthebridgewasmuchthesame,flatandwellordered,withfieldsforagriculture.Theothercommunitieshehadseenonvisitswereessentiallythesameashisown,theonlydifferenceswereslightlyalteredstylesofdwellings,slightlydifferentschedulesintheschools.
Hewonderedwhatlayinthefardistancewherehehadnevergone.The
landdidn'tendbeyondthosenearbycommunities.WeretherehillsElsewhere?Weretherevastwind-tornareasliketheplacehehadseeninmemory,theplacewheretheelephantdied?
"Giver,"heaskedoneafternoonfollowingadaywhenhehadbeensentaway,"whatcausesyoupain?"
WhenTheGiverwassilent,Jonascontinued."TheChiefEldertoldme,atthebeginning,thatthereceivingofmemorycausesterriblepain.AndyoudescribedformethatthefailureofthelastnewReceiverreleasedpainfulmemoriestothecommunity.
"ButIhaven'tsuffered,Giver.Notreally."Jonassmiled."Oh,Irememberthesunburnyougavemeontheveryfirstday.Butthatwasn'tsoterrible.Whatisitthatmakesyousuffersomuch?Ifyougavesomeofittome,maybeyourpainwouldbeless."
TheGivernodded."Liedown,"hesaid."It'stime,Isuppose.Ican'tshieldyouforever.You'llhavetotakeitalloneventually.
"Letmethink,"hewenton,whenJonaswasonthebed,waiting,alittlefearful.
"Allright,"TheGiversaidafteramoment,"I'vedecided.We'llstartwithsomethingfamiliar.Let'sgoonceagaintoahill,andasled."
HeplacedhishandsonJonas'sback.
14
Itwasmuchthesame,thismemory,thoughthehillseemedtobeadifferentone,steeper,andthesnowwasnotfallingasthicklyasithadbefore.
Itwascolder,also,Jonasperceived.Hecouldsee,ashesatwaitingat
thetopofthehill,thatthesnowbeneaththesledwasnotthickandsoftasithadbeenbefore,buthard,andcoatedwithbluishice.
Thesledmovedforward,andJonasgrinnedwithde-light,lookingforwardtothebreathtakingslidedownthroughtheinvigoratingair.
Buttherunners,thistime,couldn'tslicethroughthefrozenexpanseastheyhadontheother,snow-cushionedhill.Theyskitteredsidewaysandthesledgatheredspeed.Jonaspulledattherope,tryingtosteer,butthesteepnessandspeedtookcontrolfromhishandsandhewasnolongerenjoyingthefeelingoffreedombutinstead,terrified,wasatthemercyofthewildaccelerationdownwardovertheice.
Sideways,spinning,thesledhitabumpinthehillandJonaswasjarredlooseandthrownviolentlyintotheair.Hefellwithhislegtwistedunderhim,andcouldhearthecrackofbone.Hisfacescrapedalongjaggededgesoficeandwhenhecame,atlast,toastop,helayshockedandstill,feelingnothingatfirstbutfear.
Then,thefirstwaveofpain.Hegasped.Itwasasifahatchetlaylodgedinhisleg,slicingthrougheachnervewithahotblade.Inhisagonyheperceivedtheword"fire"andfeltflameslickingatthetornboneandflesh.Hetriedtomove,andcouldnot.Thepaingrew.
Hescreamed.Therewasnoanswer.
Sobbing,heturnedhisheadandvomitedontothefrozensnow.Blooddrippedfromhisfaceintothevomit.
"NOOOOO!"hecried,andthesounddisappearedintotheemptylandscape,intothewind.
Then,suddenly,hewasintheAnnexroomagain,writhingonthebed.Hisfacewaswetwithtears.
Abletomovenow,herockedhisownbodybackandforth,breathingdeeplytoreleasetherememberedpain.
Hesat,andlookedathisownleg,whereitlaystraightonthebed,unbroken.Thebrutalsliceofpainwasgone.Butthelegachedhorribly,still,andhisfacefeltraw.
"MayIhaverelief-of-pain,please?"hebegged.Itwasalwaysprovidedinhiseverydaylifeforthebruisesandwounds,foramashedfinger,astomachache,askinnedkneefromafallfromabike.Therewasalwaysadaubofanestheticointment,orapill;orinsevereinstances,aninjectionthatbroughtcompleteandinstantaneousdeliverance.
ButTheGiversaidno,andlookedaway.
Limping,Jonaswalkedhome,pushinghisbicycle,thatevening.Thesunburnpainhadbeensosmall,incomparison,andhadnotstayedwithhim.Butthisachelingered.
Itwasnotunendurable,asthepainonthehillhadbeen.Jonastriedtobebrave.HerememberedthattheChiefElderhadsaidhewasbrave.
"Issomethingwrong,Jonas?"hisfatheraskedattheeveningmeal."You'resoquiettonight.Aren'tyoufeelingwell?Wouldyoulikesomemedication?"
ButJonasrememberedtherules.Nomedicationforanythingrelatedtohistraining.
Andnodiscussionofhistraining.Atthetimeforsharing-of-feelings,hesimplysaidthathefelttired,thathisschoollessonshadbeenunusuallydemandingthatday.
Hewenttohissleepingroomearly,andfrombehindthecloseddoorhecouldhearhisparentsandsisterlaughingastheygaveGabrielhis
eveningbath.
Theyhaveneverknownpain,hethought.Therealizationmadehimfeeldesperatelylonely,andherubbedhisthrobbingleg.Heeventuallyslept.Againandagainhedreamedoftheanguishandtheisolationontheforsakenhill.
Thedailytrainingcontinued,andnowitalwaysincludedpain.TheagonyofthefracturedlegbegantoseemnomorethanamilddiscomfortasTheGiverledJonasfirmly,littlebylittle,intothedeepandterriblesufferingofthepast.Eachtime,inhiskindness,TheGiverendedtheafternoonwithacolor-filledmemoryofpleasure:abrisksailonablue-greenlake;ameadowdottedwithyellowwildflowers;anorangesunsetbehindmountains.
ItwasnotenoughtoassuagethepainthatJonaswasbeginning,now,toknow.
"Why?"Jonasaskedhimafterhehadreceivedatorturousmemoryinwhichhehadbeenneglectedandunfed;thehungerhadcausedexcruciatingspasmsinhisempty,distendedstomach.Helayonthebed,aching."WhydoyouandIhavetoholdthesememories?"
"Itgivesuswisdom,"TheGiverreplied."WithoutwisdomIcouldnotfulfillmyfunctionofadvisingtheCommitteeofElderswhentheycalluponme."
"Butwhatwisdomdoyougetfromhunger?"Jonasgroaned.Hisstomachstillhurt,thoughthememoryhadended.
"Someyearsago,"TheGivertoldhim,"beforeyourbirth,alotofcitizenspetitionedtheCommitteeofElders.Theywantedtoincreasetherateofbirths.TheywantedeachBirthmothertobeassignedfourbirthsinsteadofthree,sothatthepopulationwouldincreaseandtherewouldbe
moreLaborersavailable."
Jonasnodded,listening."Thatmakessense."
"Theideawasthatcertainfamilyunitscouldaccommodateanadditionalchild."
Jonasnoddedagain."Minecould,"hepointedout."WehaveGabrielthisyear,andit'sfun,havingathirdchild."
"TheCommitteeofElderssoughtmyadvice,"TheGiversaid."Itmadesensetothem,too,butitwasanewidea,andtheycametomeforwisdom."
"Andyouusedyourmemories?"
TheGiversaidyes."Andthestrongestmemorythatcamewashunger.Itcamefrommanygenerationsback.Centuriesback.Thepopulationhadgottensobigthathungerwaseverywhere.Excruciatinghungerandstarvation.Itwasfollowedbywarfare."
Warfare?ItwasaconceptJonasdidnotknow.Buthungerwasfamiliartohimnow.Unconsciouslyherubbedhisownabdomen,recallingthepainofitsunfulfilledneeds."Soyoudescribedthattothem?"
"Theydon'twanttohearaboutpain.Theyjustseektheadvice.Isimplyadvisedthemagainstincreasingthepopulation."
"Butyousaidthatthatwasbeforemybirth.Theyhardlyevercometoyouforadvice.Onlywhenthey—whatwasityousaid?Whentheyhaveaproblemthey'veneverfacedbefore.Whendidithappenlast?"
"Doyourememberthedaywhentheplaneflewoverthecommunity?"
"Yes.Iwasscared."
"Sowerethey.Theypreparedtoshootitdown.Buttheysoughtmyadvice.Itoldthemtowait."
"Buthowdidyouknow?Howdidyouknowthepilotwaslost?"
"Ididn't.Iusedmywisdom,fromthememories.Iknewthattherehadbeentimesinthepast—terribletimes—whenpeoplehaddestroyedothersinhaste,infear,andhadbroughtabouttheirowndestruction."
Jonasrealizedsomething."Thatmeans,"hesaidslowly,"thatyouhavememoriesofdestruction.Andyouhavetogivethemtome,too,becauseIhavetogetthewisdom."
TheGivernodded.
"Butitwillhurt,"Jonassaid.Itwasn'taquestion."Itwillhurtterribly,"TheGiveragreed.
"Butwhycan'teveryonehavethememories?Ithinkitwouldseemalittleeasierifthememorieswereshared.YouandIwouldn'thavetobearsomuchbyourselves,ifeverybodytookapart."
TheGiversighed."You'reright,"hesaid."Buttheneveryonewouldbeburdenedandpained.Theydon'twantthat.Andthat'stherealreasonTheReceiverissovitaltothem,andsohonored.Theyselectedme—andyou—toliftthatburdenfromthemselves."
"Whendidtheydecidethat?"Jonasaskedangrily."Itwasn'tfair.Let'schangeit!"
"Howdoyousuggestwedothat?I'veneverbeenabletothinkofaway,andI'msupposedtobetheonewithallthewisdom."
"Buttherearetwoofusnow,"Jonassaideagerly."Togetherwecanthinkofsomething!"
TheGiverwatchedhimwithawrysmile.
"Whycan'twejustapplyforachangeofrules?"Jonassuggested.
TheGiverlaughed;thenJonas,too,chuckledreluctantly.
"Thedecisionwasmadelongbeforemytimeoryours,"TheGiversaid,"andbeforethepreviousReceiver,and—"Hewaited.
"Backandbackandback."Jonasrepeatedthefamiliarphrase.Sometimesithadseemedhumoroustohim.Sometimesithadseemedmeaningfulandimportant.
Nowitwasominous.Itmeant,heknew,thatnothingcouldbechanged.
Thenewchild,Gabriel,wasgrowing,andsuccessfullypassedthetestsofmaturitythattheNurturersgaveeachmonth;hecouldsitalone,now,couldreachforandgraspsmallplayobjects,andhehadsixteeth.Duringtheday-timehours,Fatherreported,hewascheerfulandseemed
ofnormalintelligence.Butheremainedfretfulatnight,whimperingoften,needingfrequentattention.
"AfterallthisextratimeI'veputinwithhim,"FathersaidoneeveningafterGabrielhadbeenbathedandwaslying,forthemoment,hugginghishippoplacidlyinthesmallcribthathadreplacedthebasket,"Ihopethey'renotgoingtodecidetoreleasehim."
"Maybeitwouldbeforthebest,"Mothersuggested."Iknowyoudon'tmindgettingupwithhimatnight.Butthelackofsleepisawfullyhardforme."
"IftheyreleaseGabriel,canwegetanothernewchildasavisitor?"askedLily.Shewaskneelingbesidethecrib,makingfunnyfacesatthelittleone,whowassmilingbackather.
Jonas'smotherrolledhereyesindismay.
"No,"Fathersaid,smiling.HeruffledLily'shair."It'sveryrare,anyway,thatanewchild'sstatusisasuncertainasGabriel's.Itprobablywon'thappenagain,foralongtime.
"Anyway,"hesighed,"theywon'tmakethedecisionforawhile.Rightnowwe'reallpreparingforareleasewe'llprobablyhavetomakeverysoon.There'saBirth-motherwho'sexpectingtwinmalesnextmonth."
"Oh,dear,"Mothersaid,shakingherhead."Ifthey'reidentical,Ihopeyou'renottheoneassigned—"
"Iam.I'mnextonthelist.I'llhavetoselecttheonetobenurtured,andtheonetobereleased.It'susuallynothard,though.Usuallyit'sjustamatterofbirthweight.Wereleasethesmallerofthetwo."
Jonas,listening,thoughtsuddenlyaboutthebridgeandhow,standingthere,hehadwonderedwhatlayElsewhere.
Wastheresomeonethere,waiting,whowouldreceivethetinyreleasedtwin?WoulditgrowupElsewhere,notknowing,ever,thatinthiscommunitylivedabeingwholookedexactlythesame?
Foramomenthefeltatiny,flutteringhopethatheknewwasquitefoolish.HehopedthatitwouldbeLarissa,waiting.Larissa,theoldwomanhehadbathed.Herememberedhersparklingeyes,hersoftvoice,herlowchuckle.FionahadtoldhimrecentlythatLarissahadbeenreleasedatawonderfulceremony.
ButheknewthattheOldwerenotgivenchildrentoraise.Larissa'slife
ElsewherewouldbequietandsereneasbefittheOld;shewouldnotwelcometheresponsibilityofnurturinganewchildwhoneededfeedingandcare,andwouldlikelycryatnight.
"Mother?Father?"hesaid,theideacomingtohimunexpectedly,"whydon'tweputGabriel'scribinmyroomtonight?Iknowhowtofeedandcomforthim,anditwouldletyouandFathergetsomesleep."
Fatherlookeddoubtful."Yousleepsosoundly,Jonas.Whatifhisrestlessnessdidn'twakeyou?"
ItwasLilywhoansweredthat."IfnoonegoestotendGabriel,"shepointedout,"hegetsveryloud.He'dwakeallofus,ifJonassleptthroughit."
Fatherlaughed."You'reright,Lily-billy.Allright,Jonas,let'stryit,justfortonight.I'lltakethenightoffandwe'llletMothergetsomesleep,too."
Gabrielsleptsoundlyfortheearliestpartofthenight.Jonas,inhisbed,layawakeforawhile;fromtimetotimeheraisedhimselfononeelbow,lookingoveratthecrib.
Thenewchildwasonhisstomach,hisarmsrelaxedbesidehishead,hiseyesclosed,andhisbreathingregularandundisturbed.FinallyJonasslepttoo.
Then,asthemiddlehoursofthenightapproached,thenoiseofGabe'srestlessnesswokeJonas.Thenewchildwasturningunderhiscover,flailinghisarms,andbeginningtowhimper.
Jonasroseandwenttohim.GentlyhepattedGabriel'sback.Sometimesthatwasallittooktolullhimbacktosleep.Butthenewchildstillsquirmedfretfullyunderhishand.
Stillpattingrhythmically,JonasbegantorememberthewonderfulsailthatTheGiverhadgivenhimnotlongbe-fore:abright,breezydayonaclearturquoiselake,andabovehimthewhitesailoftheboatbillowingashemovedalonginthebriskwind.
Hewasnotawareofgivingthememory;butsuddenlyherealizedthatitwasbecomingdimmer,thatitwasslidingthroughhishandintothebeingofthenewchild.Gabrielbecamequiet.Startled,Jonaspulledbackwhatwasleftofthememorywithaburstofwill.Heremovedhishandfromthelittlebackandstoodquietlybesidethecrib.
Tohimself,hecalledthememoryofthesailforwardagain.Itwasstillthere,buttheskywaslessblue,thegentlemotionoftheboatslower,thewaterofthelakemoremurkyandclouded.Hekeptitforawhile,soothinghisownnervousnessatwhathadoccurred,thenletitgoandreturnedtohisbed.
Oncemore,towarddawn,thenewchildwokeandcriedout.AgainJonaswenttohim.ThistimehequitedeliberatelyplacedhishandfirmlyonGabriel'sback,andreleasedtherestofthecalmingdayonthelake.AgainGabrielslept.
ButnowJonaslayawake,thinking.Henolongerhadanymorethanawispofthememory,andhefeltasmalllackwhereithadbeen.HecouldaskTheGiverforan-othersail,heknew.Asailperhapsonocean,nexttime,forJonashadamemoryofocean,now,andknewwhatitwas;heknewthatthereweresailboatsthere,too,inmemoriesyettobeacquired.
Hewondered,though,ifheshouldconfesstoTheGiverthathehadgivenamemoryaway.HewasnotyetqualifiedtobeaGiverhimself;norhadGabrielbeenselectedtobeaReceiver.
Thathehadthispowerfrightenedhim.Hedecidednottotell.
15
JonasenteredtheAnnexroomandrealizedimmediatelythatitwasadaywhenhewouldbesentaway.TheGiverwasrigidinhischair,hisfaceinhishands.
"I'llcomebacktomorrow,sir,"hesaidquickly.Thenhehesitated."Unlessmaybethere'ssomethingIcandotohelp."
TheGiverlookedupathim,hisfacecontortedwithsuffering."Please,"hegasped,"takesomeofthepain."
Jonashelpedhimtohischairatthesideofthebed.Thenhequicklyremovedhistunicandlayfacedown."Putyourhandsonme,"hedirected,awarethatinsuchanguishTheGivermightneedreminding.
Thehandscame,andthepaincamewiththemandthroughthem.JonasbracedhimselfandenteredthememorywhichwastorturingTheGiver.
Hewasinaconfused,noisy,foul-smellingplace.Itwasdaylight,earlymorning,andtheairwasthickwithsmokethathung,yellowandbrown,abovetheground.Aroundhim,everywhere,faracrosstheexpanseofwhatseemedtobeafield,laygroaningmen.Awild-eyedhorse,itsbridletornanddangling,trottedfranticallythroughthemoundsofmen,tossingitshead,whinnyinginpanic.Itstumbled,finally,thenfell,anddidnotrise.
Jonasheardavoicenexttohim."Water,"thevoicesaidinaparched,croakingwhisper.
Heturnedhisheadtowardthevoiceandlookedintothehalf-closedeyesofaboywhoseemednotmucholderthanhimself.Dirtstreakedtheboy'sfaceandhismattedblondhair.Helaysprawled,hisgrayuniformglisteningwithwet,freshblood.
Thecolorsofthecarnageweregrotesquelybright:thecrimsonwetnessontheroughanddustyfabric,therippedshredsofgrass,startlinglygreen,intheboy'syellowhair.
Theboystaredathim."Water,"hebeggedagain.Whenhespoke,anewspurtofblooddrenchedthecoarseclothacrosshischestandsleeve.
OneofJonas'sarmswasimmobilizedwithpain,andhecouldseethroughhisowntornsleevesomethingthatlookedlikeraggedfleshandsplinterybone.Hetriedhisremainingarmandfeltitmove.Slowlyhereachedtohisside,feltthemetalcontainerthere,andremoveditscap,stoppingthesmallmotionofhishandnowandthentowaitforthesurgingpaintoease.Finally,whenthecontainerwasopen,heextendedhisarmslowlyacrosstheblood-soakedearth,inchbyinch,andheldittothelipsoftheboy.Watertrickledintotheimploringmouthanddownthegrimychin.
Theboysighed.Hisheadfellback,hislowerjawdrop-pingasifhehadbeensurprisedbysomething.Adullblanknessslidslowlyacrosshiseyes.Hewassilent.
Butthenoisecontinuedallaround:thecriesofthewoundedmen,thecriesbeggingforwaterandforMotherandfordeath.Horseslyingonthegroundshrieked,raisedtheirheads,andstabbedrandomlytowardtheskywiththeirhooves.
Fromthedistance,Jonascouldhearthethudofcannons.Overwhelmedbypain,helaythereinthefearsomestenchforhours,listenedtothemenandanimalsdie,andlearnedwhatwarfaremeant.
Finally,whenheknewthathecouldbearitnolongerandwouldwelcomedeathhimself,heopenedhiseyesandwasonceagainonthebed.
TheGiverlookedaway,asifhecouldnotbeartoseewhathehaddonetoJonas."Forgiveme,"hesaid.
16
Jonasdidnotwanttogoback.Hedidn'twantthememories,didn'twantthehonor,didn'twantthewisdom,didn'twantthepain.Hewantedhischildhoodagain,hisscrapedkneesandballgames.Hesatinhisdwellingalone,watchingthroughthewindow,seeingchildrenatplay,citizensbicyclinghomefromuneventfuldaysatwork,ordinarylivesfreeofanguishbecausehehadbeenselected,asothersbeforehimhad,tobeartheirburden.
Butthechoicewasnothis.HereturnedeachdaytotheAnnexroom.
TheGiverwasgentlewithhimformanydaysfollowingtheterriblesharedmemoryofwar.
"Therearesomanygoodmemories,"TheGiverre-mindedJonas.Anditwastrue.BynowJonashadexperiencedcountlessbitsofhappiness,thingshehadneverknownofbefore.
Hehadseenabirthdayparry,withonechildsingledoutandcelebratedonhisday,sothatnowheunderstoodthejoyofbeinganindividual,specialanduniqueandproud.
Hehadvisitedmuseumsandseenpaintingsfilledwithallthecolorshecouldnowrecognizeandname.
Inoneecstaticmemoryhehadriddenagleamingbrownhorseacrossafieldthatsmelledofdampgrass,andhaddismountedbesideasmallstreamfromwhichbothheandthehorsedrankcold,clearwater.Nowheunderstoodaboutanimals;andinthemomentthatthehorseturnedfromthestreamandnudgedJonas'sshoulderaffectionatelywithitshead,heperceivedthebondsbetweenanimalandhuman.
Hehadwalkedthroughwoods,andsatatnightbesideacampfire.Althoughhehadthroughthememorieslearnedaboutthepainoflossandloneliness,nowhegained,too,anunderstandingofsolitudeanditsjoy.
"Whatisyourfavorite?"JonasaskedTheGiver."Youdon'thavetogiveitawayyet,"headdedquickly."Justtellmeaboutit,soIcanlookforwardtoit,becauseI'llhavetoreceiveitwhenyourjobisdone."
TheGiversmiled."Liedown,"hesaid."I'mhappytogiveittoyou."
Jonasfeltthejoyofitassoonasthememorybegan.Sometimesittookawhileforhimtogethisbearings,tofindhisplace.Butthistimehefitrightinandfeltthehappinessthatpervadedthememory.
Hewasinaroomfilledwithpeople,anditwaswarm,withfirelightglowingonahearth.Hecouldseethroughawindowthatoutsideitwasnight,andsnowing.Therewerecoloredlights:redandgreenandyellow,twinklingfromatreewhichwas,oddly,insidetheroom.Onatable,lightedcandlesstoodinapolishedgoldenholderandcastasoft,flickeringglow.Hecouldsmellthingscooking,andheheardsoftlaughter.Agolden-haireddoglaysleepingonthefloor.
Onthefloortherewerepackageswrappedinbrightlycoloredpaperandtiedwithgleamingribbons.AsJonaswatched,asmallchildbegantopickupthepackagesandpassthemaroundtheroom:tootherchildren,toadultswhowereobviouslyparents,andtoanolder,quietcouple,manandwoman,whosatsmilingtogetheronacouch.
WhileJonaswatched,thepeoplebeganonebyonetountietheribbonsonthepackages,tounwrapthebrightpapers,opentheboxesandrevealtoysandclothingandbooks.Therewerecriesofdelight.Theyhuggedonean-other.
Thesmallchildwentandsatonthelapoftheoldwoman,andshe
rockedhimandrubbedhercheekagainsthis.
Jonasopenedhiseyesandlaycontentedlyonthebed,stillluxuriatinginthewarmandcomfortingmemory.Ithadallbeenthere,allthethingshehadlearnedtotreasure.
"Whatdidyouperceive?"TheGiverasked.
"Warmth,"Jonasreplied,"andhappiness.And—letmethink.Family.Thatitwasacelebrationofsomesort,aholiday.Andsomethingelse—Ican'tquitegetthewordforit."
"Itwillcometoyou."
"Whoweretheoldpeople?Whyweretheythere?"IthadpuzzledJonas,seeingthemintheroom.TheOldofthecommunitydidnoteverleavetheirspecialplace,theHouseoftheOld,wheretheyweresowellcaredforandrespected.
"TheywerecalledGrandparents."
"Grandparents?"
"Grandparents.Itmeantparents-of-the-parents,longago."
"Backandbackandback?"Jonasbegantolaugh."Soactually,therecouldbeparents-of-the-parents-of-theparents-of-theparents?"
TheGiverlaughed,too."That'sright.It'salittlelikelookingatyourselflookinginamirrorlookingatyourselflookinginamirror."
Jonasfrowned."Butmyparentsmusthavehadparents!Ineverthoughtaboutitbefore.Whoaremyparents-of-the-parents?Wherearethey?"
"YoucouldgolookintheHallofOpenRecords.You'dfindthenames.
Butthink,son.Ifyouapplyforchildren,thenwhowillbetheirparents-of-the-parents?Whowillbetheirgrandparents?"
"Mymotherandfather,ofcourse."
"Andwherewilltheybe?"
Jonasthought."Oh,"hesaidslowly."WhenIfinishmytrainingandbecomeafulladult,I'llbegivenmyowndwelling.AndthenwhenLilydoes,afewyearslater,she'llgetherowndwelling,andmaybeaspouse,andchildrenifsheappliesforthem,andthenMotherandFather—"
"That'sright."
"Aslongasthey'restillworkingandcontributingtothecommunity,they'llgoandlivewiththeotherChild-lessAdults.Andtheywon'tbepartofmylifeanymore.
"Andafterthat,whenthetimecomes,they'llgototheHouseoftheOld,"Jonaswenton.Hewasthinkingaloud."Andthey'llbewellcaredfor,andrespected,andwhenthey'rereleased,therewillbeacelebration."
"Whichyouwon'tattend,"TheGiverpointedout.
"No,ofcoursenot,becauseIwon'tevenknowaboutit.BythenI'llbesobusywithmyownlife.AndLilywill,too.Soourchildren,ifwehavethem,won'tknowwhotheirparents-of-parentsare,either.
"Itseemstoworkprettywellthatway,doesn'tit?Thewaywedoitinourcommunity?"Jonasasked."Ijustdidn'trealizetherewasanyotherway,untilIreceivedthatmemory."
"Itworks,"TheGiveragreed.
Jonashesitated."Icertainlylikedthememory,though.Icanseewhy
it'syourfavorite.Icouldn'tquitegetthewordforthewholefeelingofit,thefeelingthatwassostrongintheroom."
"Love,"TheGivertoldhim.
Jonasrepeatedit."Love."Itwasawordandconceptnewtohim.
Theywerebothsilentforaminute.ThenJonassaid,"Giver?"
"Yes?"
"Ifeelveryfoolishsayingthis.Very,veryfoolish.""Noneed.Nothingisfoolishhere.Trustthememoriesandhowtheymakeyoufeel."
"Well,"Jonassaid,lookingatthefloor,"Iknowyoudon'thavethememoryanymore,becauseyougaveittome,somaybeyouwon'tunderstandthis—"
"Iwill.Iamleftwithavaguewispofthatone;andIhavemanyothermemoriesoffamilies,andholidays,andhappiness.Oflove."
Jonasblurtedoutwhathewasfeeling."Iwasthinkingthat...well,Icanseethatitwasn'taverypracticalway
tolive,withtheOldrightthereinthesameplace,wheremaybetheywouldn'tbewelltakencareof,thewaytheyarenow,andthatwehaveabetter-arrangedwayofdoingthings.Butanyway,Iwasthinking,Imeanfeeling,actually,thatitwaskindofnice,then.AndthatIwishwecouldbethatway,andthatyoucouldbemygrandparent.Thefamilyinthememoryseemedalittlemore—"Hefaltered,notabletofindthewordhewanted.
"Alittlemorecomplete,"TheGiversuggested.
Jonasnodded."Ilikedthefeelingoflove,"heconfessed.Heglancednervouslyatthespeakeronthewall,reassuringhimselfthatnoonewaslistening."Iwishwestillhadthat,"hewhispered."Ofcourse,"headdedquickly,"Idounderstandthatitwouldn'tworkverywell.Andthatit'smuchbettertobeorganizedthewaywearenow.Icanseethatitwasadangerouswaytolive."
"Whatdoyoumean?"
Jonashesitated.Hewasn'tcertain,really,whathehadmeant.Hecouldfeelthattherewasriskinvolved,thoughhewasn'tsurehow."Well,"hesaidfinally,graspingforanexplanation,"theyhadfirerightthereinthatroom.Therewasafireburninginthefireplace.Andtherewerecandlesonatable.Icancertainlyseewhythosethingswereoutlawed.
"Still,"hesaidslowly,almosttohimself,"Ididlikethelighttheymade.Andthewarmth."
"Father?Mother?"Jonasaskedtentativelyaftertheeveningmeal."IhaveaquestionIwanttoaskyou."
"Whatisit,Jonas?"hisfatherasked.
Hemadehimselfsaythewords,thoughhefeltflushedwithembarrassment.HehadrehearsedtheminhismindallthewayhomefromtheAnnex.
"Doyouloveme?"
Therewasanawkwardsilenceforamoment.ThenFathergavealittlechuckle.Jonas.You,ofallpeople.Precisionoflanguage,please!"
"Whatdoyoumean?"Jonasasked.Amusementwasnotatallwhathehadanticipated.
"Yourfathermeansthatyouusedaverygeneralizedword,someaninglessthatit'sbecomealmostobsolete,"hismotherexplainedcarefully.
Jonasstaredatthem.Meaningless?Hehadneverbeforefeltanythingasmeaningfulasthememory.
"Andofcourseourcommunitycan'tfunctionsmoothlyifpeopledon'tusepreciselanguage.Youcouldask,'Doyouenjoyme?'Theansweris`Yes,'"hismothersaid.
"Or,"hisfathersuggested,"'Doyoutakeprideinmyaccomplishments?'Andtheansweriswholeheartedly'Yes.'"
"Doyouunderstandwhyit'sinappropriatetouseawordlike'love'?"Motherasked.
Jonasnodded."Yes,thankyou,Ido,"herepliedslowly.
Itwashisfirstlietohisparents.
"Gabriel?"Jonaswhisperedthatnighttothenewchild.Thecribwasinhisroomagain.AfterGabehadsleptsoundlyinJonas'sroomforfournights,hisparentshadpronouncedtheexperimentasuccessandJonasahero.Gabrielwasgrowingrapidly,nowcrawlingandgigglingacrosstheroomandpullinghimselfuptostand.HecouldbeupgradedintheNurturingCenter,Fathersaidhappily,nowthatheslept;hecouldbeofficiallynamedandgiventohisfamilyinDecember,whichwasonlytwomonthsaway.
Butwhenhewastakenaway,hestoppedsleepingagain,andcriedinthenight.
SohewasbackinJonas'ssleepingroom.Theywouldgiveitalittlemoretime,theydecided.SinceGabeseemedtolikeitinJonas'sroom,he
wouldsleepthereatnightalittlelonger,untilthehabitofsoundsleepwasfullyformed.TheNurturerswereveryoptimisticaboutGabriel'sfuture.
TherewasnoanswertoJonas'swhisper.Gabrielwassoundasleep.
"Thingscouldchange,Gabe,"Jonaswenton."Thingscouldbedifferent.Idon'tknowhow,buttheremustbesomewayforthingstobedifferent.Therecouldbecolors.
"Andgrandparents,"headded,staringthroughthedimnesstowardtheceilingofhissleepingroom."Andeverybodywouldhavethememories.
"Youknowaboutmemories,"hewhispered,turningtowardthecrib.
Gabriel'sbreathingwasevenanddeep.Jonaslikedhavinghimthere,thoughhefeltguiltyaboutthesecret.EachnighthegavememoriestoGabriel:memoriesofboatridesandpicnicsinthesun;memoriesofsoftrainfallagainstwindowpanes;memoriesofdancingbarefootonadamplawn.
"Gabe?"
Thenewchildstirredslightlyinhissleep.Jonaslookedoverathim.
"Therecouldbelove,"Jonaswhispered.
Thenextmorning,forthefirsttime,Jonasdidnottakehispill.Somethingwithinhim,somethingthathadgrowntherethroughthememories,toldhimtothrowthepillaway.
17
TODAYISDECLAREDANUNSCHEDULEDHOLIDAY.Jonas,hisparents,andLilyallturnedinsurpriseandlookedatthewallspeakerfromwhichtheannouncementhad
come.Ithappenedsorarely,andwassuchatreatfortheentirecommunitywhenitdid.Adultswereexemptedfromtheday'swork,childrenfromschoolandtrainingandvolunteerhours.ThesubstituteLaborers,whowouldbegivenadifferentholiday,tookoverallthenecessarytasks:nurturing,fooddelivery,andcareoftheOld;andthecommunitywasfree.
Jonascheered,andputhishomeworkfolderdown.Hehadbeenabouttoleaveforschool.Schoolwaslessimportanttohimnow;andbeforemuchmoretimepassed,hisformalschoolingwouldend.Butstill,forTwelves,thoughtheyhadbeguntheiradulttraining,thereweretheendlesslistsofrulestobememorizedandthenewesttechnologytobemastered.
Hewishedhisparents,sister,andGabeahappyday,androdedownthebicyclepath,lookingforAsher.
Hehadnottakenthepills,now,forfourweeks.TheStirringshadreturned,andhefeltalittleguiltyandembarrassedaboutthepleasurabledreamsthatcametohimasheslept.Butheknewhecouldn'tgobacktotheworldofnofeelingsthathehadlivedinsolong.
Andhisnew,heightenedfeelingspermeatedagreaterrealmthansimplyhissleep.Thoughheknewthathisfailuretotakethepillsaccountedforsomeofit,hethoughtthatthefeelingscamealsofromthememories.Nowhecouldseeallofthecolors;andhecouldkeepthem,too,sothatthetreesandgrassandbushesstayedgreeninhisvision.Gabriel'srosycheeksstayedpink,evenwhenheslept.Andappleswerealways,alwaysred.
Now,throughthememories,hehadseenoceansandmountainlakesandstreamsthatgurgledthroughwoods;andnowhesawthefamiliarwideriverbesidethepathdifferently.Hesawallofthelightandcolorandhistoryitcontainedandcarriedinitsslow-movingwater;andhe
knewthattherewasanElsewherefromwhichitcame,andanElsewheretowhichitwasgoing.
Onthisunexpected,casualholidayhefelthappy,ashealwayshadonholidays;butwithadeeperhappinessthaneverbefore.Thinking,ashealwaysdid,aboutprecisionoflanguage,Jonasrealizedthatitwasanewdepthoffeelingsthathewasexperiencing.Somehowtheywerenotatallthesameasthefeelingsthateveryevening,ineverydwelling,everycitizenanalyzedwithendlesstalk.
"Ifeltangrybecausesomeonebroketheplayarearules,"Lilyhadsaidonce,makingafistwithhersmallhandtoindicateherfury.Herfamily—Jonasamongthem—hadtalkedaboutthepossiblereasonsforrule-breaking,andtheneedforunderstandingandpatience,untilLily'sfisthadrelaxedandherangerwasgone.
ButLilyhadnotfeltanger,Jonasrealizednow.Shallowimpatienceandexasperation,thatwasallLilyhadfelt.Heknewthatwithcertaintybecausenowheknewwhatangerwas.Nowhehad,inthememories,experiencedinjusticeandcruelty,andhehadreactedwithragethatwelledupsopassionatelyinsidehimthatthethoughtofdiscussingitcalmlyattheeveningmealwasunthinkable.
"Ifeltsadtoday,"hehadheardhismothersay,andtheyhadcomfortedher.
ButnowJonashadexperiencedrealsadness.Hehadfeltgrief.Heknewthattherewasnoquickcomfortforemotionslikethose.
Theseweredeeperandtheydidnotneedtobetold.Theywerefelt.
Today,hefelthappiness.
"Asher!"Hespiedhisfriend'sbicycleleaningagainstatreeattheedge
oftheplayingfield.Nearby,otherbikeswerestrewnaboutontheground.Onaholidaytheusualrulesofordercouldbedisregarded.
Heskiddedtoastopanddroppedhisownbikebesidetheothers."Hey,Ash!"heshouted,lookingaround.Thereseemedtobenooneintheplayarea."Whereareyou?"
"Psssheeewwww!"Achild'svoice,comingfrombehindanearbybush,madethesound."Pow!Pow!Pow!"
AfemaleElevennamedTanyastaggeredforwardfromwhereshehadbeenhiding.Dramaticallysheclutchedherstomachandstumbledaboutinazig-zagpattern,groaning."Yougotme!"shecalled,andfelltotheground,grinning.
"Blam!"
Jonas,standingonthesideoftheplayingfield,recognizedAsher'svoice.Hesawhisfriend,aiminganimaginaryweaponinhishand,dartfrombehindonetreetoan-other."Blam!You'reinmylineofambush,Jonas!Watchout!"
Jonassteppedback.HemovedbehindAsher'sbikeandkneltsothathewasoutofsight.Itwasagamehehadoftenplayedwiththeotherchildren,agameofgoodguysandbadguys,aharmlesspasttimethatuseduptheircontainedenergyandendedonlywhentheyalllayposedinfreakishposturesontheground.
Hehadneverrecognizeditbeforeasagameofwar.
"Attack!"Theshoutcamefrombehindthesmallstore-housewhereplayequipmentwaskept.Threechildrendashedforward,theirimaginaryweaponsinfiringposition.
Fromtheoppositesideofthefieldcameanopposingshout:"Counter-
attack!"Fromtheirhidingplacesahordeofchildren—JonasrecognizedFionainthegroup—emerged,runninginacrouchedposition,firingacrossthefield.Severalofthemstopped,grabbedtheirownshouldersandchestswithexaggeratedgestures,andpre-tendedtobehit.Theydroppedtothegroundandlaysup-pressinggiggles.
FeelingssurgedwithinJonas.Hefoundhimselfwalkingforwardintothefield.
"You'rehit,Jonas!"Asheryelledfrombehindthetree."Pow!You'rehitagain!"
Jonasstoodaloneinthecenterofthefield.Severalofthechildrenraisedtheirheadsandlookedathimuneasily.Theattackingarmiesslowed,emergedfromtheircrouchedpositions,andwatchedtoseewhathewasdoing.
Inhismind,Jonassawagainthefaceoftheboywhohadlaindyingonafieldandhadbeggedhimforwater.Hehadasuddenchokingfeeling,asifitweredifficulttobreathe.
Oneofthechildrenraisedanimaginaryrifleandmadeanattempttodestroyhimwithafiringnoise."Pssheeew!"Thentheywereallsilent,standingawkwardly,andtheonlysoundwasthesoundofJonas'sshudderingbreaths.Hewasstrugglingnottocry.
Gradually,whennothinghappened,nothingchanged,thechildrenlookedateachothernervouslyandwentaway.Heheardthesoundsastheyrightedtheirbicyclesandbegantoridedownthepaththatledfromthefield.
OnlyAsherandFionaremained.
"What'swrong,Jonas?Itwasonlyagame,"Fionasaid.
"Youruinedit,"Ashersaidinanirritatedvoice."Don'tplayitanymore,"Jonaspleaded.
"I'mtheonewho'strainingforAssistantRecreationDirector,"Asherpointedoutangrily."Gamesaren'tyourareaofexpertness."
"Expertise,"Jonascorrectedhimautomatically.
"Whatever.Youcan'tsaywhatweplay,evenifyouaregoingtobethenewReceiver."Asherlookedwarilyathim."Iapologizefornotpayingyoutherespectyoudeserve,"hemumbled.
"Asher,"Jonassaid.Hewastryingtospeakcarefully,andwithkindness,tosayexactlywhathewantedtosay."Youhadnowayofknowingthis.Ididn'tknowitmyselfuntilrecently.Butit'sacruelgame.Inthepast,therehave—"
"IsaidIapologize,Jonas."
Jonassighed.Itwasnouse.OfcourseAshercouldn'tunderstand."Iacceptyourapology,Asher,"hesaidwearily.
"Doyouwanttogoforaridealongtheriver,Jonas?"Fionaasked,bitingherlipwithnervousness.
Jonaslookedather.Shewassolovely.Forafleetinginstanthethoughthewouldlikenothingbetterthantoridepeacefullyalongtheriverpath,laughingandtalkingwithhisgentlefemalefriend.Butheknewthatsuchtimeshadbeentakenfromhimnow.Heshookhishead.Afteramomenthistwofriendsturnedandwenttotheirbikes.Hewatchedastheyrodeaway.
JonastrudgedtothebenchbesidetheStorehouseandsatdown,overwhelmedwithfeelingsofloss.Hischild-hood,hisfriendships,hiscarefreesenseofsecurity—allofthesethingsseemedtobeslipping
away.Withhisnew,heightenedfeelings,hewasoverwhelmedbysadnessatthewaytheothershadlaughedandshouted,playingatwar.Butheknewthattheycouldnotunderstandwhy,withoutthememories.HefeltsuchloveforAsherandforFiona.Buttheycouldnotfeelitback,withoutthememories.Andhecouldnotgivethemthose.Jonasknewwithcertaintythathecouldchangenothing.
Backintheirdwelling,thatevening,Lilychatteredmerrilyaboutthewonderfulholidayshehadhad,playingwithherfriends,havinghermiddaymealoutofdoors,and(sheconfessed)sneakingaveryshorttryonherfather'sbicycle."Ican'twaittillIgetmyveryownbicyclenextmonth.Father'sistoobigforme.Ifell,"sheexplainedmatter-offactly."GoodthingGabewasn'tinthechildseat!"
"Averygoodthing,"Motheragreed,frowningattheideaofit.Gabrielwavedhisarmsatthementionofhim-self.Hehadbeguntowalkjusttheweekbefore.ThefirststepsofanewchildwerealwaystheoccasionforcelebrationattheNurturingCenter,Fathersaid,butalsofortheintroductionofadisciplinewand.NowFatherbroughttheslenderinstrumenthomewithhimeachnight,incaseGabrielmisbehaved.
Buthewasahappyandeasygoingtoddler.Nowhemovedunsteadilyacrosstheroom,laughing."Gay!"hechirped."Gay!"Itwasthewayhesaidhisownname.
Jonasbrightened.Ithadbeenadepressingdayforhim,aftersuchabrightstart.Buthesethisglumthoughtsaside.HethoughtaboutstartingtoteachLilytoridesothatshecouldspeedoffproudlyafterherCeremonyofNine,whichwouldbecomingsoon.ItwashardtobelievethatitwasalmostDecemberagain,thatalmostayearhadpassedsincehehadbecomeaTwelve.
Hesmiledashewatchedthenewchildplantonesmallfootcarefullybeforetheother,grinningwithgleeathisownstepsashetriedthemout.
"Iwanttogettosleepearlytonight,"Fathersaid."To-morrow'sabusydayforme.Thetwinsarebeingbornto-morrow,andthetestresultsshowthatthey'reidentical."
"Oneforhere,oneforElsewhere,"Lilychanted."Oneforhere,oneforElse—"
"DoyouactuallytakeitElsewhere,Father?"Jonasasked.
"No,Ijusthavetomaketheselection.Iweighthem,handthelargerovertoaNurturerwho'sstandingby,
waiting,andthenIgetthesmalleroneallcleanedupandcomfy.ThenIperformasmallCeremonyofReleaseand—"Heglanceddown,grinningatGabriel."ThenIwavebye-bye,"hesaid,inthespecialsweetvoiceheusedwhenhespoketothenewchild.Hewavedhishandinthefamiliargesture.
Gabrielgiggledandwavedbye-byebacktohim."Andsomebodyelsecomestogethim?SomebodyfromElsewhere?"
"That'sright,Jonas-bonus."
Jonasrolledhiseyesinembarrassmentthathisfatherhadusedthesillypetname.
Lilywasdeepinthought."WhatiftheygivethelittletwinanameElsewhere,anamelike,oh,maybeJonathan?Andhere,inourcommunity,athisnaming,thetwinthatwekepthereisgiventhenameJonathan,andthentherewouldbetwochildrenwiththesamename,andtheywouldlookexactlythesame,andsomeday,maybewhentheywereaSix,onegroupofSixeswouldgotovisitan-othercommunityonabus,andthereintheothercommunity,intheothergroupofSixes,wouldbeaJonathanwhowasexactlythesameastheotherJonathan,andthenmaybetheywouldgetmixedupandtakethewrongJonathanhome,and
maybehisparentswouldn'tnotice,andthen—"
Shepausedforbreath.
"Lily,"Mothersaid,"Ihaveawonderfulidea.MaybewhenyoubecomeaTwelve,they'llgiveyoutheAssignmentofStoryteller!Idon'tthinkwe'vehadaStorytellerinthecommunityforalongtime.ButifIwereontheCommittee,Iwoulddefinitelychooseyouforthatjob!"
Lilygrinned."Ihaveabetterideaforonemorestory,"sheannounced."Whatifactuallywewerealltwinsanddidn'tknowit,andsoElsewheretherewouldbeanotherLily,andanotherJonas,andanotherFather,andanotherAsher,andanotherChiefElder,andanother—"
Fathergroaned."Lily,"hesaid."It'sbedtime."
18
"Giver,"Jonasaskedthenextafternoon,"Doyoueverthinkaboutrelease?"
"Doyoumeanmyownrelease,orjustthegeneraltopicofrelease?"
"Both,Iguess.Iapologi—ImeanIshouldhavebeenmoreprecise.ButIdon'tknowexactlywhatImeant."
"Sitbackup.Noneedtoliedownwhilewe'retalking."Jonas,whohadalreadybeenstretchedoutonthebedwhenthequestioncametohismind,satbackup.
"IguessIdothinkaboutitoccasionally,"TheGiversaid."IthinkaboutmyownreleasewhenI'minanawfullotofpain.IwishIcouldputinarequestforit,some-times.ButI'mnotpermittedtodothatuntilthenewReceiveristrained."
"Me,"Jonassaidinadejectedvoice.Hewasnotlookingforwardtotheendofthetraining,whenhewouldbecomethenewReceiver.Itwascleartohimwhataterriblydifficultandlonelylifeitwas,despitethehonor.
"Ican'trequestreleaseeither,"Jonaspointedout."Itwasinmyrules."
TheGiverlaughedharshly."Iknowthat.Theyhammeredoutthoserulesafterthefailuretenyearsago."
Jonashadheardagainandagainnow,referencetothepreviousfailure.Buthestilldidnotknowwhathadhappenedtenyearsbefore."Giver,"hesaid,"tellmewhathappened.Please."
TheGivershrugged."Onthesurface,itwasquitesimple.AReceiver-to-bewasselected,thewayyouwere.Theselectionwentsmoothlyenough.TheCeremonywasheld,andtheselectionwasmade.Thecrowdcheered,astheydidforyou.ThenewReceiverwaspuzzledandalittlefrightened,asyouwere."
"Myparentstoldmeitwasafemale."
TheGivernodded.
Jonasthoughtofhisfavoritefemale,Fiona,andshivered.Hewouldn'twanthisgentlefriendtosufferthewayhehad,takingonthememories."Whatwasshelike?"heaskedTheGiver.
TheGiverlookedsad,thinkingaboutit."Shewasaremarkableyoungwoman.Veryself-possessedandserene.Intelligent,eagertolearn."Heshookhisheadanddrewadeepbreath."Youknow,Jonas,whenshecametomeinthisroom,whenshepresentedherselftobeginhertraining—"
Jonasinterruptedhimwithaquestion."Canyoutellmehername?Myparentssaidthatitwasn'ttobespokenagaininthecommunity.Butcouldn'tyousayitjusttome?"
TheGiverhesitatedpainfully,asifsayingthenamealoudmightbeexcruciating."HernamewasRosemary,"hetoldJonas,finally.
"Rosemary.Ilikethatname."
TheGiverwenton."Whenshecametomeforthefirsttime,shesatthereinthechairwhereyousatonyourfirstday.Shewaseagerandexcitedandalittlescared.Wetalked.ItriedtoexplainthingsaswellasIcould."
"Thewayyoudidtome."
TheGiverchuckledruefully."Theexplanationsaredifficult.Thewholethingissobeyondone'sexperience.ButItried.Andshelistenedcarefully.Hereyeswereveryluminous,Iremember."
Helookedupsuddenly."Jonas,IgaveyouamemorythatItoldyouwasmyfavorite.Istillhaveashredofitleft.Theroom,withthefamily,andgrandparents?"
Jonasnodded.Ofcourseheremembered."Yes,"hesaid."Ithadthatwonderfulfeelingwithit.Youtoldmeitwaslove."
"Youcanunderstand,then,thatthat'swhatIfeltforRosemary,"TheGiverexplained."Ilovedher.
"Ifeelitforyou,too,"headded.
"Whathappenedtoher?"Jonasasked.
"Hertrainingbegan.Shereceivedwell,asyoudo.Shewassoenthusiastic.Sodelightedtoexperiencenewthings.Irememberherlaughter..."
Hisvoicefalteredandtrailedoff.
"Whathappened?"Jonasaskedagain,afteramoment."Pleasetellme."
TheGiverclosedhiseyes."Itbrokemyheart,Jonas,totransferpaintoher.Butitwasmyjob.ItwaswhatIhadtodo,thewayI'vehadtodoittoyou."
Theroomwassilent.Jonaswaited.FinallyTheGivercontinued.
"Fiveweeks.Thatwasall.Igaveherhappymemories:arideonamerry-go-round;akittentoplaywith;apicnic.
SometimesIchoseonejustbecauseIknewitwouldmakeherlaugh,andIsotreasuredthesoundofthatlaughterinthisroomthathadalwaysbeensosilent.
"Butshewaslikeyou,Jonas.Shewantedtoexperienceeverything.Sheknewthatitwasherresponsibility.Andsosheaskedmeformoredifficultmemories."
Jonasheldhisbreathforamoment."Youdidn'tgiveherwar,didyou?Notafterjustfiveweeks?"
TheGivershookhisheadandsighed."No.AndIdidn'tgiveherphysicalpain.ButIgaveherloneliness.AndIgaveherloss.Itransferredamemoryofachildtakenfromitsparents.Thatwasthefirstone.Sheappearedstunnedatitsend."
Jonasswallowed.Rosemary,andherlaughter,hadbeguntoseemrealtohim,andhepicturedherlookingupfromthebedofmemories,shocked.
TheGivercontinued."Ibackedoff,gavehermorelittledelights.Buteverythingchanged,oncesheknewaboutpain.Icouldseeitinhereyes."
"Shewasn'tbraveenough?"Jonassuggested.
TheGiverdidn'trespondtothequestion."SheinsistedthatIcontinue,thatInotspareher.Shesaiditwasherduty.AndIknew,ofcourse,thatshewascorrect.
"Icouldn'tbringmyselftoinflictphysicalpainonher.ButIgaveheranguishofmanykinds.Poverty,andhunger,andterror.
"Ihadto,Jonas.Itwasmyjob.Andshehadbeenchosen."TheGiverlookedathimimploringly.Jonasstrokedhishand.
"Finallyoneafternoon,wefinishedfortheday.Ithadbeenahardsession.Itriedtofinish—asIdowithyou—bytransferringsomethinghappyandcheerful.Butthetimesoflaughterweregonebythen.Shestoodupverysilently,frowning,asifsheweremakingadecision.Thenshecameovertomeandputherarmsaroundme.Shekissedmycheek."AsJonaswatched,TheGiverstrokedhisowncheek,recallingthetouchofRosemary'slipstenyearsbefore.
"Sheleftherethatday,leftthisroom,anddidnotgobacktoherdwelling.IwasnotifiedbytheSpeakerthatshehadgonedirectlytotheChiefElderandaskedtobereleased."
"Butit'sagainsttherules!TheReceiver-in-trainingcan'tapplyforrel—"
"It'sinyourrules,Jonas.Butitwasn'tinhers.Sheaskedforrelease,andtheyhadtogiveittoher.Ineversawheragain."
Sothatwasthefailure,Jonasthought.ItwasobviousthatitsaddenedTheGiververydeeply.Butitdidn'tseemsuchaterriblething,afterall.Andhe,Jonas,wouldneverhavedoneit—neverhaverequestedrelease,nomatternowdifficulthistrainingbecame.TheGiverneededasuccessor,andhehadbeenchosen.
AthoughtoccurredtoJonas.Rosemaryhadbeenre-leasedveryearly
inhertraining.Whatifsomethinghappenedtohim,Jonas?Hehadawholeyear'sworthofmemoriesnow.
"Giver,"heasked,"Ican'trequestrelease,Iknowthat.Butwhatifsomethinghappened:anaccident?WhatifIfellintotheriverlikethelittleFour,Caleb,did?Well,thatdoesn'tmakesensebecauseI'magoodswimmer.ButwhatifIcouldn'tswim,andfellintotheriverandwaslost?Thentherewouldn'tbeanewReceiver,butyouwouldalreadyhavegivenawayanawfullotofimportantmemories,soeventhoughtheywouldselectanewReceiver,thememorieswouldbegoneexceptfortheshredsthatyouhaveleftofthem?Andthenwhatif—"
Hestartedtolaugh,suddenly."Isoundlikemysister,Lily,"hesaid,amusedathimself.
TheGiverlookedathimgravely."Youjuststayawayfromtheriver,myfriend,"hesaid."ThecommunitylostRosemaryafterfiveweeksanditwasadisasterforthem.Idon'tknowwhatthecommunitywoulddoiftheylostyou."
"Whywasitadisaster?"
"IthinkImentionedtoyouonce,"TheGiverre-mindedhim,"thatwhenshewasgone,thememoriescamebacktothepeople.Ifyouweretobelostintheriver,Jonas,yourmemorieswouldnotbelostwithyou.Memoriesareforever.
"Rosemaryhadonlythosefiveweeksworth,andmostofthemweregoodones.Buttherewerethosefewterriblememories,theonesthathadoverwhelmedher.Forawhiletheyoverwhelmedthecommunity.Allthosefeelings!They'dneverexperiencedthatbefore.
"Iwassodevastatedbymyowngriefatherloss,andmyownfeelingoffailure,thatIdidn'teventrytohelpthemthroughit.Iwasangry,too."
TheGiverwasquietforamoment,obviouslythinking."Youknow,"hesaid,finally,"iftheylostyou,withallthetrainingyou'vehadnow,they'dhaveallthosememoriesagainthemselves."
Jonasmadeaface."They'dhatethat."
"Theycertainlywould.Theywouldn'tknowhowtodealwithitatall."
"TheonlywayIdealwithitisbyhavingyoutheretohelpme,"Jonaspointedoutwithasigh.
TheGivernodded."Isuppose,"hesaidslowly,"thatIcould—"
"Youcouldwhat?"
TheGiverwasstilldeepinthought.Afteramoment,hesaid,"Ifyoufloatedoffintheriver,IsupposeIcouldhelpthewholecommunitythewayI'vehelpedyou.It'saninterestingconcept.Ineedtothinkaboutitsomemore.Maybewe'lltalkaboutitagainsometime.Butnotnow.
"I'mgladyou'reagoodswimmer,Jonas.Butstayawayfromtheriver."Helaughedalittle,butthelaughterwasnotlighthearted.Histhoughtsseemedtobeelse-where,andhiseyeswereverytroubled.
19
Jonasglancedattheclock.Therewassomuchworktobedone,always,thatheandTheGiverseldomsimplysatandtalked,thewaytheyjusthad.
"I'msorrythatIwastedsomuchtimewithmyquestions,"Jonassaid."Iwasonlyaskingaboutreleasebe-causemyfatherisreleasinganewchildtoday.Atwin.Hehastoselectoneandreleasetheotherone.Theydoitbyweight."Jonasglancedattheclock."Actually,Isupposehe'salreadyfinished.Ithinkitwasthismorning."
TheGiver'sfacetookonasolemnlook."Iwishtheywouldn'tdothat,"hesaidquietly,almosttohimself.
"Well,theycan'thavetwoidenticalpeoplearound!Thinkhowconfusingitwouldbe!"Jonaschuckled.
"IwishIcouldwatch,"headded,asanafterthought.Helikedthethoughtofseeinghisfatherperformtheceremony,andmakingthelittletwincleanandcomfy.Hisfatherwassuchagentleman.
"Youcanwatch,"TheGiversaid.
"No,"Jonastoldhim."Theyneverletchildrenwatch.It'sveryprivate."
"Jonas,"TheGivertoldhim,"Iknowthatyoureadyourtraininginstructionsverycarefully.Don'tyourememberthatyouareallowedtoaskanyoneanything?"
Jonasnodded."Yes,but—"
"Jonas,whenyouandIhavefinishedourtimetogether,youwillbethenewReceiver.Youcanreadthebooks;you'llhavethememories.Youhaveaccesstoeverything.It'spartofyourtraining.Ifyouwanttowatcharelease,youhavesimplytoask."
Jonasshrugged."Well,maybeIwill,then.Butit'stoolateforthisone.I'msureitwasthismorning."
TheGivertoldhim,then,somethinghehadnotknown."Allprivateceremoniesarerecorded.They'reintheHallofClosedRecords.Doyouwanttoseethismorning'srelease?"
Jonashesitated.Hewasafraidthathisfatherwouldn'tlikeit,ifhewatchedsomethingsoprivate.
"Ithinkyoushould,"TheGivertoldhimfirmly."Allright,then,"Jonassaid."Tellmehow."
TheGiverrosefromhischair,wenttothespeakeronthewall,andclickedtheswitchfromOFFtoON.
Thevoicespokeimmediately."Yes,Receiver.HowmayIhelpyou?"
"Iwouldliketoseethismorning'sreleaseofthetwin.""Onemoment,Receiver.Thankyouforyourinstructions."
Jonaswatchedthevideoscreenabovetherowofswitches.Itsblankfacebegantoflickerwithzig-zaglines;thensomenumbersappeared,followedbythedateandtime.Hewasastonishedanddelightedthatthiswasavail-abletohim,andsurprisedthathehadnotknown.
Suddenlyhecouldseeasmallwindowlessroom,emptyexceptforabed,atablewithsomeequipmentonit—Jonasrecognizedascale;hehadseenthembefore,whenhe'dbeendoingvolunteerhoursattheNurturingCenter—andacupboard.Hecouldseepalecarpetingonthefloor.
"It'sjustanordinaryroom,"hecommented."Ithoughtmaybethey'dhaveitintheAuditorium,sothateverybodycouldcome.AlltheOldgotoCeremoniesofRelease.ButIsupposethatwhenit'sjustanewborn,theydon't—"
"Shhh,"TheGiversaid,hiseyesonthescreen.
Jonas'sfather,wearinghisnurturinguniform,enteredtheroom,cradlingatinynewchildwrappedinasoftblanketinhisarms.Auniformedwomanfollowedthroughthedoor,carryingasecondnewchildwrappedinasimilarblanket.
"That'smyfather."Jonasfoundhimselfwhispering,asifhemight
wakethelittleonesifhespokealoud."AndtheotherNurturerishisassistant.She'sstillintraining,butshe'llbefinishedsoon."
ThetwoNurturersunwrappedtheblanketsandlaidtheidenticalnewbornsonthebed.Theywerenaked.Jonascouldseethattheyweremales.
Hewatched,fascinated,ashisfathergentlyliftedoneandthentheothertothescaleandweighedthem.
Heheardhisfatherlaugh."Good,"hisfathersaidtothewoman."Ithoughtforamomentthattheymightbothbeexactlythesame.Thenwe'dhaveaproblem.Butthisone,"hehandedone,afterrewrappingit,tohisassistant,"issixpoundseven.SoyoucancleanhimupanddresshimandtakehimovertotheCenter."
Thewomantookthenewchildandleftthroughthedoorshehadentered.
Jonaswatchedashisfatherbentoverthesquirmingnewchildonthebed."Andyou,littleguy,you'reonlyfivepoundstenounces.Ashrimp.'"
"That'sthespecialvoiceheuseswithGabriel,"Jonasremarked,smiling.
"Watch,"TheGiversaid.
"Nowhecleanshimupandmakeshimcomfy,"Jonastoldhim."Hetoldme."
"Bequiet,Jonas,"TheGivercommandedinastrangevoice."Watch."
ObedientlyJonasconcentratedonthescreen,waitingforwhatwouldhappennext.Hewasespeciallycuriousabouttheceremonypart.
Hisfatherturnedandopenedthecupboard.Hetookoutasyringeandasmallbottle.Verycarefullyheinsertedtheneedleintothebottleandbegantofillthesyringewithaclearliquid.
Jonaswincedsympathetically.Hehadforgottenthatnewchildrenhadtogetshots.Hehatedshotshimself,thoughheknewthattheywerenecessary.
Tohissurprise,hisfatherbeganverycarefullytodirecttheneedleintothetopofnewchild'sforehead,puncturingtheplacewherethefragileskinpulsed.Thenewbornsquirmed,andwailedfaintly.
"Why'she—"
"Shhh,"TheGiversaidsharply.
Hisfatherwastalking,andJonasrealizedthathewashearingtheanswertothequestionhehadstartedtoask.Stillinthespecialvoice,hisfatherwassaying,"Iknow,Iknow.Ithurts,littleguy.ButIhavetouseavein,andtheveinsinyourarmsarestilltooteeny-weeny."
Hepushedtheplungerveryslowly,injectingtheliquidintothescalpveinuntilthesyringewasempty.
Alldone.Thatwasn'tsohard,wasit?"Jonasheardhisfathersaycheerfully.Heturnedasideanddroppedthesyringeintoawastereceptacle.
Nowhecleanshimupandmakeshimcomfy,Jonassaidtohimself,awarethatTheGiverdidn'twanttotalkduringthelittleceremony.
Ashecontinuedtowatch,thenewchild,nolongercrying,movedhisarmsandlegsinajerkingmotion.Thenhewentlimp.Heheadfelltotheside,hiseyeshalfopen.Thenhewasstill.
Withanodd,shockedfeeling,Jonasrecognizedthegesturesandpostureandexpression.Theywerefamiliar.Hehadseenthembefore.Buthecouldn'trememberwhere.
Jonasstaredatthescreen,waitingforsomethingtohappen.Butnothingdid.Thelittletwinlaymotionless.Hisfatherwasputtingthingsaway.Foldingtheblanket.Closingthecupboard.
Onceagain,ashehadontheplayingfield,hefeltthechokingsensation.Onceagainhesawthefaceofthelight-haired,bloodiedsoldieraslifelefthiseyes.Thememorycameback.
Hekilledit!Myfatherkilledit!Jonassaidtohimself,stunnedatwhathewasrealizing.Hecontinuedtostareatthescreennumbly.
Hisfathertidiedtheroom.Thenhepickedupasmallcartonthatlaywaitingonthefloor,setitonthebed,andliftedthelimpbodyintoit.Heplacedthelidontightly.
Hepickedupthecartonandcarriedittotheothersideoftheroom.Heopenedasmalldoorinthewall;Jonascouldseedarknessbehindthedoor.Itseemedtobethesamesortofchuteintowhichtrashwasdepositedatschool.
Hisfatherloadedthecartoncontainingthebodyintothechuteandgaveitashove.
"Bye-bye,littleguy,"Jonasheardhisfathersaybeforehelefttheroom.Thenthescreenwentblank.
TheGiverturnedtohim.Quitecalmly,herelated,"WhentheSpeakernotifiedmethatRosemaryhadappliedforrelease,theyturnedonthetapetoshowmetheprocess.Thereshewas—mylastglimpseofthatbeautifulchild—waiting.Theybroughtinthesyringeandaskedhertorolluphersleeve.
"Yousuggested,Jonas,thatperhapsshewasn'tbraveenough?Idon'tknowaboutbravery:whatitis,whatitmeans.IdoknowthatIsatherenumbwithhorror.Wretchedwithhelplessness.AndIlistenedasRosemarytoldthemthatshewouldprefertoinjectherself.
"Thenshedidso.Ididn'twatch.Ilookedaway."
TheGiverturnedtohim."Well,thereyouare,Jonas.Youwerewonderingaboutrelease,"hesaidinabittervoice.
Jonasfeltarippingsensationinsidehimself,thefeelingofterriblepainclawingitswayforwardtoemergeinacry.
20
"Iwon't!Iwon'tgohome!Youcan'tmakeme!"Jonassobbedandshoutedandpoundedthebedwithhisfists."Situp,Jonas,"TheGivertoldhimfirmly.
Jonasobeyedhim.Weeping,shuddering,hesatontheedgeofthebed.HewouldnotlookatTheGiver.
"Youmaystayheretonight.Iwanttotalktoyou.Butyoumustbequietnow,whileInotifyyourfamilyunit.Noonemusthearyoucry."
Jonaslookedupwildly."Nooneheardthatlittletwincry,either!Noonebutmyfather!"Hecollapsedinsobsagain.
TheGiverwaitedsilently.FinallyJonaswasabletoquiethimselfandhesathuddled,hisshouldersshaking.
TheGiverwenttothewallspeakerandclickedtheswitchtoON.
"Yes,Receiver.HowmayIhelpyou?"
"NotifythenewReceiver'sfamilyunitthathewillbestayingwithmetonight,foradditionaltraining."
"Iwilltakecareofthat,sir.Thankyouforyourinstructions,"thevoicesaid.
"Iwilltakecareofthat,sir.Iwilltakecareofthat,sir,"Jonasmimickedinacruel,sarcasticvoice."Iwilldowhateveryoulike,sir.Iwillkillpeople,sir.Oldpeople?Smallnewbornpeople?I'dbehappytokillthem,sir.Thankyouforyourinstructions,sir.HowmayIhelpy—"Hecouldn'tseemtostop.
TheGivergraspedhisshouldersfirmly.Jonasfellsilentandstaredathim.
"Listentome,Jonas.Theycan'thelpit.Theyknownothing."
"Yousaidthattomeoncebefore."
"Isaiditbecauseit'strue.It'sthewaytheylive.It'sthelifethatwascreatedforthem.It'sthesamelifethatyouwouldhave,ifyouhadnotbeenchosenasmysuccessor."
"Butheliedtome!"Jonaswept.
"It'swhathewastoldtodo,andheknowsnothingelse."
"Whataboutyou?Doyoulietome,too?"JonasalmostspatthequestionatTheGiver.
"Iamempoweredtolie.ButIhaveneverliedtoyou."
Jonasstaredathim."Releaseisalwayslikethat?Forpeoplewhobreaktherulesthreetimes?FortheOld?DotheykilltheOld,too?"
"Yes,it'strue."
"AndwhataboutFiona?ShelovestheOld!She'sintrainingtocareforthem.Doessheknowyet?Whatwillshedowhenshefindsout?Howwillshefeel?"Jonasbrushedwetnessfromhisfacewiththebackofonehand.
"Fionaisalreadybeingtrainedinthefineartofre-lease,"TheGivertoldhim."She'sveryefficientatherwork,yourred-hairedfriend.Feelingsarenotpartofthelifeshe'slearned."
Jonaswrappedhisarmsaroundhimselfandrockedhisownbodybackandforth."WhatshouldIdo?Ican'tgoback!Ican't!"
TheGiverstoodup."First,Iwillorderoureveningmeal.Thenwewilleat."
Jonasfoundhimselfusingthenasty,sarcasticvoiceagain."Thenwe'llhaveasharingoffeelings?"
TheGivergavearueful,anguished,emptylaugh."Jonas,youandIaretheonlyoneswhohavefeelings.We'vebeensharingthemnowforalmostayear."
"I'msorry,Giver,"Jonassaidmiserably."Idon'tmeantobesohateful.Nottoyou."
TheGiverrubbedJonas'shunchedshoulders."Andafterweeat,"hewenton,"we'llmakeaplan."
Jonaslookedup,puzzled."Aplanforwhat?There'snothing.There'snothingwecando.It'salwaysbeenthisway.Beforeme,beforeyou,beforetheoneswhocamebe-foreyou.Backandbackandback."Hisvoicetrailedthefamiliarphrase.
"Jonas,"TheGiversaid,afteramoment,"it'struethatithasbeenthis
wayforwhatseemsforever.Butthememoriestellusthatithasnotalwaysbeen.Peoplefeltthingsonce.YouandIhavebeenpartofthat,soweknow.Weknowthattheyoncefeltthingslikepride,andsorrow,and—"
"Andlove,"Jonasadded,rememberingthefamilyscenethathadsoaffectedhim."Andpain."Hethoughtagainofthesoldier.
"Theworstpartofholdingthememoriesisnotthe
pain.It'sthelonelinessofit.Memoriesneedtobeshared.""I'vestartedtosharethemwithyou,"Jonassaid,tryingtocheerhim.
"That'strue.Andhavingyouherewithmeoverthepastyearhasmademerealizethatthingsmustchange.ForyearsI'vefeltthattheyshould,butitseemedsohopeless.
"NowforthefirsttimeIthinktheremightbeaway,"TheGiversaidslowly."Andyoubroughtittomyattention,barely—"Heglancedattheclock."twohoursago."
Jonaswatchedhim,andlistened.
Itwaslateatnight,now.Theyhadtalkedandtalked.JonassatwrappedinarobebelongingtoTheGiver,thelongrobethatonlyElderswore.
Itwaspossible,whattheyhadplanned.Barelypossible.Ifitfailed,hewouldverylikelybekilled.
Butwhatdidthatmatter?Ifhestayed,hislifewasnolongerworthliving.
"Yes,"hetoldTheGiver."I'lldoit.IthinkIcandoit.I'lltry,anyway.ButIwantyoutocomewithme."
TheGivershookhishead."Jonas,"hesaid,"thecommunityhasdepended,allthesegenerations,backandbackandback,onaresidentReceivertoholdtheirmemoriesforthem.I'veturnedovermanyofthemtoyouinthepastyear.AndIcan'ttakethemback.There'snowayformetogetthembackifIhavegiventhem.
"Soifyouescape,onceyouaregone—and,Jonas,youknowthatyoucanneverreturn—"
Jonasnoddedsolemnly.Itwastheterrifyingpart."Yes,"hesaid,"Iknow.Butifyoucomewithme—"
TheGivershookhisheadandmadeagesturetosilencehim.Hecontinued."Ifyougetaway,ifyougetbeyond,ifyougettoElsewhere,itwillmeanthatthecommunityhas
tobeartheburdenthemselves,ofthememoriesyouhadbeenholdingforthem.
"Ithinkthattheycan,andthattheywillacquiresomewisdom.Butitwillbedesperatelyhardforthem.WhenwelostRosemarytenyearsago,andhermemoriesre-turnedtothepeople,theypanicked.Andthoseweresuchfewmemories,comparedtoyours.Whenyourmemoriesreturn,they'llneedhelp.RememberhowIhelpedyouinthebeginning,whenthereceivingofmemorieswasnewtoyou?"
Jonasnodded."Itwasscaryatfirst.Andithurtalot.""Youneededmethen.Andnowtheywill."
"It'snouse.They'llfindsomeonetotakemyplace.They'llchooseanewReceiver."
"There'snoonereadyfortraining,notrightaway.Oh,they'llspeeduptheselection,ofcourse.ButIcan'tthinkofanotherchildwhohastherightqualities—"
"There'salittlefemalewithpaleeyes.Butshe'sonlyaSix."
"That'scorrect.Iknowtheoneyoumean.HernameisKatharine.Butshe'stooyoung.Sotheywillbeforcedtobearthosememories."
"Iwantyoutocome,Giver,"Jonaspleaded.
"No.Ihavetostayhere,"TheGiversaidfirmly."Iwantto,Jonas.IfIgowithyou,andtogetherwetakeawayalltheirprotectionfromthememories,Jonas,thecommunitywillbeleftwithnoonetohelpthem.They'llbethrownintochaos.They'lldestroythemselves.Ican'tgo"
"Giver,"Jonassuggested,"youandIdon'tneedtocareabouttherestofthem."
TheGiverlookedathimwithaquestioningsmile.Jonashunghishead.Ofcoursetheyneededtocare.Itwasthemeaningofeverything.
"Andinanycase,Jonas,"TheGiversighed,"Iwouldn'tmakeit.I'mveryweakenednow.DoyouknowthatInolongerseecolors?"
Jonas'sheartbroke.HereachedforTheGiver'shand.
"Youhavethecolors,"TheGivertoldhim."Andyouhavethecourage.Iwillhelpyoutohavethestrength."
"Ayearago,"Jonasremindedhim,"whenIhadjustbecomeaTwelve,whenIbegantoseethefirstcolor,youtoldmethatthebeginninghadbeendifferentforyou.ButthatIwouldn'tunderstand."
TheGiverbrightened."That'strue.Anddoyouknow,Jonas,thatwithallyourknowledgenow,withallyourmemories,withallyou'velearned—stillyouwon'tunderstand?BecauseI'vebeenalittleselfish.Ihaven'tgivenanyofittoyou.Iwantedtokeepitformyselftothelast."
"Keepwhat?"
"WhenIwasjustaboy,youngerthanyou,itbegantocometome.Butitwasn'ttheseeing-beyondforme.Itwasdifferent.Forme,itwashearing-beyond."
Jonasfrowned,tryingtofigurethatout."Whatdidyouhear?"heasked.
"Music,"TheGiversaid,smiling."Ibegantohearsomethingtrulyremarkable,anditiscalledmusic.I'llgiveyousomebeforeIgo."
Jonasshookhisheademphatically."No,Giver,"hesaid."Iwantyoutokeepthat,tohavewithyou,whenI'mgone."
Jonaswenthomethenextmorning,cheerfullygreetedhisparents,andliedeasilyaboutwhatabusy,pleasantnighthehadhad.
Hisfathersmiledandliedeasily,too,abouthisbusyandpleasantdaythedaybefore.
Throughouttheschoolday,ashedidhislessons,Jonaswentovertheplaninhishead.Itseemedstartlinglysimple.JonasandTheGiverhadgoneoveritandoverit,lateintothenighthours.
Forthenexttwoweeks,asthetimefortheDecemberCeremonyapproached,TheGiverwouldtransfereverymemoryofcourageandstrengththathecouldtoJonas.HewouldneedthosetohelphimfindtheElsewherethattheywerebothsureexisted.Theyknewitwouldbeaverydifficultjourney.
Then,inthemiddleofthenightbeforetheCeremony,Jonaswouldsecretlyleavehisdwelling.Thiswasprobablythemostdangerouspart,becauseitwasaviolationofamajorruleforanycitizennotonofficialbusinesstoleaveadwellingatnight.
"I'llleaveatmidnight,"Jonassaid."TheFoodCollectorswillbefinishedpickinguptheevening-mealremainsbythen,andthePath-MaintenanceCrewsdon'tstarttheirworkthatearly.Sotherewon'tbeanyonetoseeme,unlessofcoursesomeoneisoutonemergencybusiness."
"Idon'tknowwhatyoushoulddoifyouareseen,Jonas,"TheGiverhadsaid."Ihavememories,ofcourse,ofallkindsofescapes.Peoplefleeingfromterriblethingsthroughouthistory.Buteverysituationisindividual.Thereisnomemoryofonelikethis."
"I'llbecareful,"Jonassaid."Noonewillseeme."
"AsReceiver-in-training,you'reheldinveryhighrespectalready.SoIthinkyouwouldn'tbequestionedveryforcefully."
"I'djustsayIwasonsomeimportanterrandfortheReceiver.I'dsayitwasallyourfaultthatIwasoutafterhours,"Jonasteased.
Theybothlaughedalittlenervously.ButJonaswascertainthathecouldslipaway,unseen,fromhishouse,carryinganextrasetofclothing.Silentlyhewouldtakehisbicycletotheriverbankandleaveittherehiddeninbusheswiththeclothingfoldedbesideit.
Thenhewouldmakehiswaythroughthedarkness,onfoot,silently,totheAnnex.
"There'snonighttimeattendant,"TheGiverexplained."I'llleavethedoorunlocked.Yousimplyslipintotheroom.I'llbewaitingforyou."
Hisparentswoulddiscover,whentheywoke,thathewasgone.TheywouldalsofindacheerfulnotefromJonasonhisbed,tellingthemthathewasgoingforanearlymorningridealongtheriver;thathewouldbebackfortheCeremony.
Hisparentswouldbeirritatedbutnotalarmed.Theywouldthinkhiminconsiderateandtheywouldplantochastisehim,later.
Theywouldwait,withmountinganger,forhim;finallytheywouldbeforcedtogo,takingLilytotheCeremonywithouthim.
"Theywon'tsayanythingtoanyone,though,"Jonassaid,quitecertain."Theywon'tcallattentiontomyrudenessbecauseitwouldreflectontheirparenting.Andany-way,everyoneissoinvolvedintheCeremonythatthey
probablywon'tnoticethatI'mnotthere.NowthatI'maTwelveandintraining,Idon'thavetositwithmyagegroupanymore.SoAsherwillthinkI'mwithmyparents,orwithyou—"
"Andyourparentswillassumeyou'rewithAsher,orwithme—"
Jonasshrugged."ItwilltakeeveryoneawhiletorealizethatI'mnotthereatall."
"AndyouandIwillbelongonourwaybythen."
Intheearlymorning,TheGiverwouldorderavehicleanddriverfromtheSpeaker.Hevisitedtheothercommunitiesfrequently,meetingwiththeirElders;hisresponsibilitiesextendedoverallthesurroundingareas.Sothiswouldnotbeanunusualundertaking.
OrdinarilyTheGiverdidnotattendtheDecemberCeremony.LastyearhehadbeenpresentbecauseoftheoccasionofJonas'sselection,inwhichhewassoinvolved.Buthislifewasusuallyquiteseparatefromthatofthecommunity.Noonewouldcommentonhisabsence,oronthefactthathehadchosenthisdaytobeaway.
Whenthedriverandvehiclearrived,TheGiverwouldsendthedriveronsomebrieferrand.Duringhisabsence,TheGiverwouldhelpJonas
hideinthestorageareaofthevehicle.HewouldhavewithhimabundleoffoodwhichTheGiverwouldsavefromhisownmealsduringthenexttwoweeks.
TheCeremonywouldbegin,withallthecommunitythere,andbythenJonasandTheGiverwouldbeontheirway.
BymiddayJonas'sabsencewouldbecomeapparent,andwouldbeacauseforseriousconcern.TheCeremonywouldnotbedisrupted—suchadisruptionwouldbeunthinkable.Butsearcherswouldbesentoutintothecommunity.
Bythetimehisbicycleandclothingwerefound,TheGiverwouldbereturning.Jonas,bythen,wouldbeonhisown,makinghisjourneyElsewhere.
TheGiver,onhisreturn,wouldfindthecommunityinastateofconfusionandpanic.Confrontedbyasituationwhichtheyhadneverfacedbefore,andhavingnomemoriesfromwhichtofindeithersolaceorwisdom,theywouldnotknowwhattodoandwouldseekhisadvice.
HewouldgototheAuditoriumwherethepeoplewouldbegathered,still.Hewouldstridetothestageandcommandtheirattention.
HewouldmakethesolemnannouncementthatJonashadbeenlostintheriver.HewouldimmediatelybegintheCeremonyofLoss.
"Jonas,Jonas,"theywouldsayloudly,astheyhadoncesaidthenameofCaleb.TheGiverwouldleadthechant.TogethertheywouldletJonas'spresenceintheirlivesfadeawayastheysaidhisnameinunisonmoreslowly,softerandsofter,untilhewasdisappearingfromthem,untilhewasnomorethananoccasionalmurmurandthen,bytheendofthelongday,goneforever,nottobementionedagain.
Theirattentionwouldturntotheoverwhelmingtaskofbearingthe
memoriesthemselves.TheGiverwouldhelpthem.
"Yes,Iunderstandthatthey'llneedyou,"Jonashadsaidattheendofthelengthydiscussionandplanning."But
I'llneedyou,too.Pleasecomewithme."Heknewtheanswerevenashemadethefinalplea.
"Myworkwillbefinished,"TheGiverhadrepliedgently,"whenIhavehelpedthecommunitytochangeandbecomewhole.
"I'mgratefultoyou,Jonas,becausewithoutyouIwouldneverhavefiguredoutawaytobringaboutthechange.Butyourrolenowistoescape.Andmyroleistostay."
"Butdon'tyouwanttobewithme,Giver?"Jonasaskedsadly.
TheGiverhuggedhim."Iloveyou,Jonas,"hesaid."ButIhaveanotherplacetogo.Whenmyworkhereisfinished,Iwanttobewithmydaughter."
Jonashadbeenstaringglumlyatthefloor.Nowhelookedup,startled."Ididn'tknowyouhadadaughter,Giver!Youtoldmethatyou'dhadaspouse.ButIneverknewaboutyourdaughter."
TheGiversmiled,andnodded.Forthefirsttimeintheirlongmonthstogether,Jonassawhimlooktrulyhappy.
"HernamewasRosemary,"TheGiversaid.
21
Itwouldwork.Theycouldmakeitwork,Jonastoldhim-selfagainandagainthroughouttheday.
Butthateveningeverythingchanged.Allofit—allthethingstheyhadthoughtthroughsometiculously—fellapart.
Thatnight,Jonaswasforcedtoflee.Heleftthedwellingshortlyaftertheskybecamedarkandthecommunitystill.Itwasterriblydangerousbecausesomeoftheworkcrewswerestillabout,buthemovedstealthilyandsilently,stayingintheshadows,makinghiswaypastthedarkeneddwellingsandtheemptyCentralPlaza,towardtheriver.BeyondthePlazahecouldseetheHouseoftheOld,withtheAnnexbehindit,outlinedagainstthenightsky.Buthecouldnotstopthere.Therewasnotime.Everyminutecountednow,andeveryminutemusttakehimfartherfromthecommunity.
Nowhewasonthebridge,hunchedoveronthebicycle,pedalingsteadily.Hecouldseethedark,churningwaterfarbelow.
Hefelt,surprisingly,nofear,noranyregretatleaving
thecommunitybehind.Buthefeltaverydeepsadnessthathehadlefthisclosestfriendbehind.Heknewthatinthedangerofhisescapehemustbeabsolutelysilent;butwithhisheartandmind,hecalledbackandhopedthatwithhiscapacityforhearing-beyond,TheGiverwouldknowthatJonashadsaidgoodbye.
Ithadhappenedattheeveningmeal.Thefamilyunitwaseatingtogetherasalways:Lilychatteringaway,MotherandFathermakingtheircustomarycomments(andlies,Jonasknew)abouttheday.Nearby,Gabrielplayedhappilyonthefloor,babblinghisbabytalk,lookingwithgleenowandthentowardJonas,obviouslydelightedtohavehimbackaftertheunexpectednightawayfromthedwelling.
Fatherglanceddowntowardthetoddler."Enjoyit,little
guy,"hesaid."Thisisyourlastnightasvisitor."
"Whatdoyoumean?"Jonasaskedhim.
Fathersighedwithdisappointment."Well,youknowhewasn'therewhenyougothomethismorningbecausewehadhimstayovernightattheNurturingCenter.Itseemedlikeagoodopportunity,withyougone,togiveitatry.He'dbeensleepingsosoundly."
"Didn'titgowell?"Motheraskedsympathetically.
Fathergavearuefullaugh."That'sanunderstatement.Itwasadisaster.Hecriedallnight,apparently.Thenightcrewcouldn'thandleit.TheywerereallyfrazzledbythetimeIgottowork."
"Gabe,younaughtything,"Lilysaid,withascoldinglittleclucktowardthegrinningtoddleronthefloor."So,"Fatherwenton,"weobviouslyhadtomakethe
decision.EvenIvotedforGabriel'sreleasewhenwehadthemeetingthisafternoon."
Jonasputdownhisforkandstaredathisfather."Re-lease?"heasked.
Fathernodded."Wecertainlygaveitourbesttry,didn'twe?"
"Yes,wedid,"Motheragreedemphatically.
Lilynoddedinagreement,too.
Jonasworkedatkeepinghisvoiceabsolutelycalm."When?"heasked."Whenwillhebereleased?"
"Firstthingtomorrowmorning.WehavetostartourpreparationsfortheNamingCeremony,sowethoughtwe'dgetthistakencareofrightaway.
"It'sbye-byetoyou,Gabe,inthemorning,"Fatherhadsaid,inhissweet,sing-songvoice.
Jonasreachedtheoppositesideoftheriver,stoppedbriefly,andlookedback.Thecommunitywherehisentirelifehadbeenlivedlaybehindhimnow,sleeping.Atdawn,theorderly,disciplinedlifehehadalwaysknownwouldcontinueagain,withouthim.Thelifewherenothingwaseverunexpected.Orinconvenient.Orunusual.Thelifewithoutcolor,pain,orpast.
Hepushedfirmlyagainatthepedalwithhisfootandcontinuedridingalongtheroad.Itwasnotsafetospendtimelookingback.Hethoughtoftheruleshehadbrokensofar:enoughthatifhewerecaught,now,hewouldbecondemned.
First,hehadleftthedwellingatnight.Amajortransgression.
Second,hehadrobbedthecommunityoffood:averyseriouscrime,eventhoughwhathehadtakenwasleftovers,setoutonthedwellingdoorstepsforcollection.
Third,hehadstolenhisfather'sbicycle.Hehadhesitatedforamoment,standingbesidethebikeportinthedarkness,notwantinganythingofhisfather'sanduncertain,aswell,whetherhecouldcomfortablyridethelargerbikewhenhewassoaccustomedtohisown.
Butitwasnecessarybecauseithadthechildseatattachedtotheback.
AndhehadtakenGabriel,too.
Hecouldfeelthelittleheadnudgehisback,bouncinggentlyagainsthimasherode.Gabrielwassleepingsoundly,strappedintotheseat.Beforehehadleftthedwelling,hehadlaidhishandsfirmlyonGabe'sbackandtransmittedtohimthemostsoothingmemoryhecould:aslow-swinginghammockunderpalmtreesonanislandsomeplace,atevening,
witharhythmicsoundoflanguidwaterlappinghypnoticallyagainstabeachnearby.Asthememoryseepedfromhimintothenewchild,hecouldfeelGabe'ssleepeaseanddeepen.TherehadbeennostiratallwhenJonasliftedhimfromthecribandplacedhimgentlyintothemoldedseat.
Heknewthathehadtheremaininghoursofnightbe-foretheywouldbeawareofhisescape.Soherodehard,steadily,willinghimselfnottotireastheminutesandmilespassed.TherehadbeennotimetoreceivethememoriesheandTheGiverhadcountedon,ofstrengthandcourage.Sohereliedonwhathehad,andhopeditwouldbeenough.
Hecircledtheoutlyingcommunities,theirdwellingsdark.Graduallythedistancesbetweencommunitieswidened,withlongerstretchesofemptyroad.Hislegsachedatfirst;then,astimepassed,theybecamenumb.
AtdawnGabrielbegantostir.Theywereinanisolatedplace;fieldsoneithersideoftheroadweredottedwiththicketsoftreeshereandthere.Hesawastream,andmadehiswaytoitacrossarutted,bumpymeadow;Gabriel,wideawakenow,giggledasthebicyclejoltedhimupanddown.
JonasunstrappedGabe,liftedhimfromthebike,andwatchedhiminvestigatethegrassandtwigswithdelight.Carefullyhehidthebicycleinthickbushes.
"Morningmeal,Gabe!"Heunwrappedsomeofthefoodandfedthemboth.ThenhefilledthecuphehadbroughtwithwaterfromthestreamandhelditforGabrieltodrink.Hedrankthirstilyhimself,andsatbythestream,watchingthenewchildplay.
Hewasexhausted.Heknewhemustsleep,restinghisownmusclesandpreparinghimselfformorehoursonthebicycle.Itwouldnotbesafetotravelindaylight.
Theywouldbelookingforhimsoon.
Hefoundaplacedeeplyhiddeninthetrees,tookthenewchildthere,andlaydown,holdingGabrielinhisarms.Gabestruggledcheerfullyasifitwereawrestlinggame,thekindtheyhadplayedbackinthedwelling,withticklesandlaughter.
"Sorry,Gabe,"Jonastoldhim."Iknowit'smorning,andIknowyoujustwokeup.Butwehavetosleepnow."
Hecuddledthesmallbodyclosetohim,andrubbedthelittleback.HemurmuredtoGabrielsoothingly.Then
hepressedhishandsfirmlyandtransmittedamemoryofdeep,contentedexhaustion.Gabriel'sheadnodded,afteramoment,andfellagainstJonas'schest.
Togetherthefugitivessleptthroughthefirstdangerousday.
Themostterrifyingthingwastheplanes.Bynow,dayshadpassed;Jonasnolongerknewhowmany.Thejourneyhadbecomeautomatic:thesleepbydays,hiddeninunderbrushandtrees;thefindingofwater;thecarefuldivisionofscrapsoffood,augmentedbywhathecouldfindinthefields.Andtheendless,endlessmilesonthebicyclebynight.
Hislegmusclesweretautnow.Theyachedwhenhesettledhimselftosleep.Buttheywerestronger,andhestoppednowlessoftentorest.SometimeshepausedandliftedGabrieldownforabriefbitofexercise,runningdowntheroadorthroughafieldtogetherinthedark.Butalways,whenhereturned,strappedtheuncomplainingtoddlerintotheseatagain,andremounted,hislegswereready.
Sohehadenoughstrengthofhisown,andhadnotneededwhatTheGivermighthaveprovided,hadtherebeentime.
Butwhentheplanescame,hewishedthathecouldhavereceivedthecourage.
Heknewtheyweresearchplanes.Theyflewsolowthattheywokehimwiththenoiseoftheirengines,andsome-times,lookingoutandupfearfullyfromthehidingplaces,hecouldalmostseethefacesofthesearchers.
Heknewthattheycouldnotseecolor,andthattheirflesh,aswellasGabriel'slightgoldencurls,wouldbenomorethansmearsofgrayagainstthecolorlessfoliage.Butherememberedfromhisscienceandtechnologystudiesatschoolthatthesearchplanesusedheat-seekingdeviceswhichcouldidentifybodywarmthandwouldhoneinontwohumanshuddledinshrubbery.
Soalways,whenheheardtheaircraftsound,hereachedtoGabrielandtransmittedmemoriesofsnow,keepingsomeforhimself.Togethertheybecamecold;andwhentheplanesweregone,theywouldshiver,holdingeachother,untilsleepcameagain.
Sometimes,urgingthememoriesintoGabriel,Jonasfeltthattheyweremoreshallow,alittleweakerthantheyhadbeen.Itwaswhathehadhoped,andwhatheandTheGiverhadplanned:thatashemovedawayfromthecommunity,hewouldshedthememoriesandleavethembe-hindforthepeople.Butnow,whenheneededthem,whentheplanescame,hetriedhardtoclingtowhathestillhad,ofcold,andtouseitfortheirsurvival.
Usuallytheaircraftcamebyday,whentheywerehiding.Buthewasalertatnight,too,ontheroad,alwayslisteningintentlyforthesoundoftheengines.EvenGabriellistened,andwouldcallout,"Plane!Plane!"sometimesbeforeJonashadheardtheterrifyingnoise.Whentheair-craftsearcherscame,astheydidoccasionally,duringthenightastheyrode,Jonasspedtothenearesttreeorbush,droppedtotheground,andmade
himselfandGabrielcold.Butitwassometimesafrighteninglyclosecall.
Ashepedaledthroughthenights,throughisolatedlandscapenow,withthecommunitiesfarbehindandnosignofhumanhabitationaroundhimorahead,hewasconstantlyvigilant,lookingforthenextnearesthidingplaceshouldthesoundofenginescome.
Butthefrequencyoftheplanesdiminished.Theycamelessoften,andflew,whentheydidcome,lessslowly,asifthesearchhadbecomehaphazardandnolongerhopeful.Finallytherewasanentiredayandnightwhentheydidnotcomeatall.
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Nowthelandscapewaschanging.Itwasasubtlechange,hardtoidentifyatfirst.Theroadwasnarrower,andbumpy,apparentlynolongertendedbyroadcrews.Itwasharder,suddenly,tobalanceonthebike,asthefrontwheelwobbledoverstonesandruts.
OnenightJonasfell,whenthebikejoltedtoasuddenstopagainstarock.HegrabbedinstinctivelyforGabriel;andthenewchild,strappedtightlyinhisseat,wasuninjured,onlyfrightenedwhenthebikefelltoitsside.ButJonas'sanklewastwisted,andhiskneeswerescrapedandraw,bloodseepingthroughhistorntrousers.Painfullyherightedhimselfandthebike,andreassuredGabe.
Tentativelyhebegantorideindaylight.Hehadforgot-tenthefearofthesearchers,whoseemedtohavediminishedintothepast.Butnowtherewerenewfears;theunfamiliarlandscapeheldhidden,unknownperils.
Treesbecamemorenumerous,andtheforestsbesidetheroadweredarkandthickwithmystery.Theysawstreamsmorefrequentlynowandstoppedoftentodrink.Jonascarefullywashedhisinjuredknees,wincing
asherubbedattherawflesh.Theconstantacheofhisswollenanklewaseasedwhenhesoakeditoccasionallyinthecoldwaterthatrushedthroughroadsidegullies.
HewasnewlyawarethatGabriel'ssafetydependedentirelyuponhisowncontinuedstrength.
Theysawtheirfirstwaterfall,andforthefirsttimewildlife.
"Plane!Plane!"Gabrielcalled,andJonasturnedswiftlyintothetrees,thoughhehadnotseenplanesindays,andhedidnothearanaircraftenginenow.WhenhestoppedthebicycleintheshrubberyandturnedtograbGabe,hesawthesmallchubbyarmpointingtowardthesky.
Terrified,helookedup,butitwasnotaplaneatall.Thoughhehadneverseenonebefore,heidentifieditfromhisfadingmemories,forTheGiverhadgiventhemtohimoften.Itwasabird.
Soonthereweremanybirdsalongtheway,soaringoverhead,calling.Theysawdeer;andonce,besidetheroad,lookingatthemcuriousandunafraid,asmallreddish-browncreaturewithathicktail,whosenameJonasdidnotknow.Heslowedthebikeandtheystaredatonean-otheruntilthecreatureturnedawayanddisappearedintothewoods.
Allofitwasnewtohim.AfteralifeofSamenessandpredictability,hewasawedbythesurprisesthatlaybeyondeachcurveoftheroad.Heslowedthebikeagainandagaintolookwithwonderatwildflowers,toenjoythethroatywarbleofanewbirdnearby,ormerelytowatchthewaywindshiftedtheleavesinthetrees.Duringhistwelveyearsinthecommunity,hehadneverfeltsuchsimplemomentsofexquisitehappiness.
Butthereweredesperatefearsbuildinginhimnowaswell.Themostrelentlessofhisnewfearswasthattheywouldstarve.Nowthattheyhad
leftthecultivatedfields
behindthem,itwasalmostimpossibletofindfood.Theyfinishedthemeagerstoreofpotatoesandcarrotstheyhadsavedfromthelastagriculturalarea,andnowtheywerealwayshungry.
Jonaskneltbyastreamandtriedwithoutsuccesstocatchafishwithhishands.Frustrated,hethrewrocksintothewater,knowingevenashedidsothatitwasuseless.Finally,indesperation,hefashionedamakeshiftnet,loopingthestrandsofGabriel'sblanketaroundacurvedstick.
Aftercountlesstries,thenetyieldedtwofloppingsilveryfish.MethodicallyJonashackedthemtopieceswithasharprockandfedtherawshredstohimselfandtoGabriel.Theyatesomeberries,andtriedwithoutsuccesstocatchabird.
Atnight,whileGabrielsleptbesidehim,Jonaslayawake,torturedbyhunger,andrememberedhislifeinthecommunitywheremealsweredeliveredtoeachdwellingeveryday.
Hetriedtousetheflaggingpowerofhismemorytore-createmeals,andmanagedbrief,tantalizingfragments:banquetswithhugeroastedmeats;birthdaypartieswiththick-frostedcakes;andlushfruitspickedandeaten,sun-warmedanddripping,fromtrees.
Butwhenthememoryglimpsessubsided,hewasleftwiththegnawing,painfulemptiness.Jonasremembered,suddenlyandgrimly,thetimeinhischildhoodwhenhehadbeenchastisedformisusingaword.Thewordhadbeen"starving."Youhaveneverbeenstarving,hehadbeentold.Youwillneverbestarving.
Nowhewas.Ifhehadstayedinthecommunity,hewouldnotbe.Itwasassimpleasthat.Oncehehadyearnedforchoice.Then,whenhehadhad
achoice,hehadmadethewrongone:thechoicetoleave.Andnowhewasstarving.
Butifhehadstayed…
Histhoughtscontinued.Ifhehadstayed,hewouldhavestarvedinotherways.Hewouldhavelivedalifehungryforfeelings,forcolor,forlove.
AndGabriel?ForGabrieltherewouldhavebeennolifeatall.Sotherehadnotreallybeenachoice.
ItbecameastruggletoridethebicycleasJonasweakenedfromlackoffood,andrealizedatthesametimethathewasencounteringsomethinghehadforalongtimeyearnedtosee:hills.Hissprainedanklethrobbedasheforcedthepedaldownwardinaneffortthatwasalmostbeyondhim.
Andtheweatherwaschanging.Itrainedfortwodays.Jonashadneverseenrain,thoughhehadexperienceditofteninthememories.Hehadlikedthoserains,enjoyedthenewfeelingofit,butthiswasdifferent.HeandGabrielbecamecoldandwet,anditwashardtogetdry,evenwhensunshineoccasionallyfollowed.
Gabrielhadnotcriedduringthelongfrighteningjourney.Nowhedid.Hecriedbecausehewashungryandcoldandterriblyweak.Jonascried,too,forthesamereasons,andanotherreasonaswell.HeweptbecausehewasafraidnowthathecouldnotsaveGabriel.Henolongercaredabouthimself.
23
Jonasfeltmoreandmorecertainthatthedestinationlayaheadofhim,verynearnowinthenightthatwasapproaching.Noneofhissensesconfirmedit.Hesawnothingaheadexcepttheendlessribbonofroadunfoldingintwistingnarrowcurves.Heheardnosoundahead.
Yethefeltit:feltthatElsewherewasnotfaraway.Buthehadlittlehopeleftthathewouldbeabletoreachit.Hishopediminishedfurtherwhenthesharp,coldairbegantoblurandthickenwithswirlingwhite.
Gabriel,wrappedinhisinadequateblanket,washunched,shivering,andsilentinhislittleseat.Jonasstoppedthebikewearily,liftedthechilddown,andrealizedwithheartbreakhowcoldandweakGabehadbe-come.
Standinginthefreezingmoundthatwasthickeningaroundhisnumbfeet,Jonasopenedhisowntunic,heldGabrieltohisbarechest,andtiedthetornanddirtyblanketaroundthemboth.Gabrielmovedfeeblyagainsthimandwhimperedbrieflyintothesilencethatsurroundedthem.
Dimly,fromanearlyforgottenperceptionasblurredasthesubstanceitself,Jonasrecalledwhatthewhitenesswas.
"It'scalledsnow,Gabe,"Jonaswhispered."Snow-flakes.Theyfalldownfromthesky,andthey'reverybeautiful."
Therewasnoresponsefromthechildwhohadoncebeensocuriousandalert.Jonaslookeddownthroughtheduskatthelittleheadagainsthischest.Gabriel'scurlyhairwasmattedandfilthy,andthereweretearstainsout-linedindirtonhispalecheeks.Hiseyeswereclosed.AsJonaswatched,asnowflakedrifteddownandwascaughtbrieflyforamoment'ssparkleinthetinyflutteringeye-lashes.
Wearilyheremountedthebicycle.Asteephillloomedahead.Inthebestofconditions,thehillwouldhavebeenadifficult,demandingride.Butnowtherapidlydeepeningsnowobscuredthenarrowroadandmadetherideimpossible.Hisfrontwheelmovedforwardimperceptiblyashepushedonthepedalswithhisnumb,exhaustedlegs.Butthebicyclestopped.Itwouldnotmove.
Hegotoffandletitdropsidewaysintothesnow.Foramomenthethoughthoweasyitwouldbetodropbesideithimself,tolethimselfandGabrielslideintothesoftnessofsnow,thedarknessofnight,thewarmcomfortofsleep.
Buthehadcomethisfar.Hemusttrytogoon.
Thememorieshadfallenbehindhimnow,escapingfromhisprotectiontoreturntothepeopleofhiscommunity.Werethereanyleftatall?Couldheholdontoalastbitofwarmth?DidhestillhavethestrengthtoGive?CouldGabrielstillReceive?
HepressedhishandsintoGabriel'sbackandtriedtoremembersunshine.Foramomentitseemedthatnothingcametohim,thathispowerwascompletelygone.Thenitflickeredsuddenly,andhefelttinytonguesofheatbegintocreepacrossandintohisfrozenfeetandlegs.Hefelthisfacebegintoglowandthetense,coldskinofhisarmsandhandsrelax.Forafleetingsecondhefeltthathewantedtokeepitforhimself,tolethimselfbatheinsunlight,unburdenedbyanythingoranyoneelse.
Butthemomentpassedandwasfollowedbyanurge,aneed,apassionateyearningtosharethewarmthwiththeonepersonleftforhimtolove.Achingfromtheeffort,heforcedthememoryofwarmthintothethin,shiveringbodyinhisarms.
Gabrielstirred.Foramomenttheybothwerebathedinwarmthandrenewedstrengthastheystoodhuggingeachotherintheblindingsnow.
Jonasbegantowalkupthehill.
Thememorywasagonizinglybrief.Hehadtrudgednomorethanafewyardsthroughthenightwhenitwasgoneandtheywerecoldagain.
Buthismindwasalertnow.Warminghimselfeversobrieflyhad
shakenawaythelethargyandresignationandrestoredhiswilltosurvive.Hebegantowalkfasteronfeetthathecouldnolongerfeel.Butthehillwastreacherouslysteep;hewasimpededbythesnowandhisownlackofstrength.Hedidn'tmakeitveryfarbeforehestumbledandfellforward.
Onhisknees,unabletorise,Jonastriedasecondtime.Hisconsciousnessgraspedatawispofanotherwarmmemory,andtrieddesperatelytoholditthere,toenlargeit,andpassitintoGabriel.Hisspiritsandstrengthliftedwiththemomentarywarmthandhestood.Again,Gabrielstirredagainsthimashebegantoclimb.
Butthememoryfaded,leavinghimcolderthanbefore.
IfonlyhehadhadtimetoreceivemorewarmthfromTheGiverbeforeheescaped!Maybetherewouldbemoreleftforhimnow.Buttherewasnopurposeinif-onlys.Hisentireconcentrationnowhadtobeonmovinghisfeet,warmingGabrielandhimself,andgoingforward.
Heclimbed,stopped,andwarmedthembothbrieflyagain,withatinyscrapofmemorythatseemedcertainlytobeallhehadleft.
Thetopofthehillseemedsofaraway,andhedidnotknowwhatlaybeyond.Buttherewasnothinglefttodobutcontinue.Hetrudgedupward.
Asheapproachedthesummitofthehillatlast,some-thingbegantohappen.Hewasnotwarmer;ifanything,hefeltmorenumbandmorecold.Hewasnotlessexhausted;onthecontrary,hisstepswereleaden,andhecouldbarelymovehisfreezing,tiredlegs.
Buthebegan,suddenly,tofeelhappy.Hebegantore-callhappytimes.Herememberedhisparentsandhissister.Herememberedhisfriends,AsherandFiona.HerememberedTheGiver.
Memoriesofjoyfloodedthroughhimsuddenly.
Hereachedtheplacewherethehillcrestedandhecouldfeelthegroundunderhissnow-coveredfeetbecomelevel.Itwouldnotbeuphillanymore.
"We'realmostthere,Gabriel,"hewhispered,feelingquitecertainwithoutknowingwhy."Irememberthisplace,Gabe."Anditwastrue.Butitwasnotagraspingofathinandburdensomerecollection;thiswasdifferent.Thiswassomethingthathecouldkeep.Itwasamemoryofhisown.
HehuggedGabrielandrubbedhimbriskly,warminghim,tokeephimalive.Thewindwasbitterlycold.Thesnowswirled,blurringhisvision.Butsomewhereahead,throughtheblindingstorm,heknewtherewaswarmthandlight.
Usinghisfinalstrength,andaspecialknowledgethatwasdeepinsidehim,Jonasfoundthesledthatwaswaitingforthematthetopofthehill.Numblyhishandsfumbledfortherope.
HesettledhimselfonthesledandhuggedGabeclose.Thehillwassteepbutthesnowwaspowderyandsoft,andheknewthatthistimetherewouldbenoice,nofall,nopain.Insidehisfreezingbody,hisheartsurgedwithhope.
Theystarteddown.
Jonasfelthimselflosingconsciousnessandwithhiswholebeingwilledhimselftostayuprightatopthesled,clutchingGabriel,keepinghimsafe.Therunnersslicedthroughthesnowandthewindwhippedathisfaceastheyspedinastraightlinethroughanincisionthatseemedtoleadtothefinaldestination,theplacethathehadalwaysfeltwaswaiting,theElsewherethatheldtheirfutureandtheirpast.
Heforcedhiseyesopenastheywentdownward,down-ward,sliding,
andallatoncehecouldseelights,andherecognizedthemnow.Heknewtheywereshiningthroughthewindowsofrooms,thattheywerethered,blue,andyellowlightsthattwinkledfromtreesinplaceswherefamiliescreatedandkeptmemories,wheretheycelebratedlove.
Downward,downward,fasterandfaster.Suddenlyhewasawarewithcertaintyandjoythatbelow,ahead,theywerewaitingforhim;andthattheywerewaiting,too,forthebaby.Forthefirsttime,heheardsomethingthatheknewtobemusic.Heheardpeoplesinging.
Behindhim,acrossvastdistancesofspaceandtime,fromtheplacehehadleft,hethoughtheheardmusictoo.Butperhapsitwasonlyanecho.
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