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December 2012Ground Control to Major Tom

BUZZSAW

BUZZSAW

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Buzzsaw uses student-generated art and photography and royalty-free images.

Views expressed in this magazine are not necessar-ily those of the editorial staff or of Ithaca College. Feedback and contributions should be sent to

buzzsawmag@gmail.com.

Front & back cover by Evan SpitzerTable of Contents image by Anika SteppeCenter spread by Aaron MansurUpfront divider by David Lurvey

Ministry of Cool divider by Colleen CunhaProse & Cons divider by Karen RichSawdust divider by Erika Feldman

Buzzsaw is published with support from Campus Progress / Center forAmerican Progress

(online at CampusProgress.org).Buzzsaw is also funded by the Ithaca

College Student Government Association and the Park School of Communications.

Our Press is our press. (Binghamton, NY)

BUZZSAW EDITORS’ COMMENT

Buzzsaw  presents...The Galaxy Issue

Welcome earthlings, we come in peace.

The galaxy is expansive, dark, unknown. It seems so distant and far away, yet it is a massive system that literally bounds all of us together with each other, the planets, stars, moons, even intergalactic dust, gas and cosmic rays. Maybe even other life forms. But in this

galaxy makes us feel scared and excited, innovative, adventurous and dangerous all at once — this mix of feelings making the galaxy even more intriguing to the human race.

But more importantly, we were inspired by our own personal hero: David Bowie, the original Starman.

How best to understand the galaxy, you ask? You can look at it through the lens of a telescope at the Clinton B. Ford Observatory, and use physics and photometry to discover the secrets of the universe (More Than A Telescope, page 23). You can study the alignment of the stars and planets and how it affects our daily lives (Writ-­ten in the Cosmos, page 18). You can look at the galaxy through the lens of religion, searching for answers in the texts and tenets of the world’s major faiths (Realms of Spirituality, page 21). Or you can put your imagina-­tion to the task, like our local starman Rod Serling, who used the supernatural to talk about issues here on earth through The Twilight Zone (Down To Earth, page 29). There are a million ways to look at the millions of stars that make up our Milky Way Galaxy — and you

answers.

But the question we want the answer to most? In the words of David Bowie, “Is there life on Mars?”

<3 The Editors

News & ViewsUpfront

Ministry of CoolProse & ConsSawdustDesignArtWebsite

HaircutSeesaw

Production

AdviserFounders

Meagan McGinnesKacey Deamer

Gena MangiarattiCarly Sitzer

Jenni Zellner Mariana Garces

Danielle WestAnika SteppeDavid LurveyJenni Zellner

Emily MilesRachael Lewis-­Krisky

Kayla Reopelle

David AndersenTimothy Bidon

Chelsea HartmanRobert S. Hummel

Karen MullerRocco Praderio

Evan Spitzer

Jeff Cohen

Abby BertumenKelly Burdick

Bryan ChambalaSam CostelloThom DenickCole Louison

James Sigman

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News & Views .................................................4Current events, local news & quasi-­educated opinions.

Upfront .......................................................17Selected dis-­education of the month.

Ministry.of.Cool ........................................28Arts, entertainment and other things cooler than us.

Prose & Cons ............................................37

Sawdust .......................................................41Threatening the magazine’s credibility since 1856.

Table of Contents

BUZZSAW

Our magazine exists to inspire thoughtful debate and open up the channels through which information is shared. Your comments and feedback are all a part

of this process. Reach the editors

by email at:buzzsawmag@gmail.com

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Check out our daily content at:

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buzzcuts

Compiled by Meagan McGinnes

Space Funding

It costs $1 billion more than NASA’s budget just to provide air con-ditioning for temporary tents and housing in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“If the Earth gets hit by an asteroid, it’s

game over. It’s control-alt-delete for

civilization.”-Bill Nye on why President Obama should not cut funding for space exploration, The Washington Post

$19 billion

NASA’s budget is

-The

Since 1976, there were

1,400 NASA inventions that wound up as products or services, such as kidney di-alysis machines, CAT scanners, and even freeze-dried food.

-About.com

SpaceX’s billionaire CEO Elon Musk has said that he named his spacecraft “Dragon” after the

-on,” from the hit song by music group Peter, Paul and Mary.

This year, SpaceX is celebrating its 10th anniversary and has a $1.6 billion deal with NASA to provide

International Space Station.-space.com

-space.com

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A Barely Living WageObstacles for Sodexo employees even after wage success

By Lillie Fleshler

account other changes that have appeared since January there are one too many instances to write off as coincidence. For example, there has been an alleged large-­scale elimination of positions, resulting in an environment of “do more, in less time, with less help,” Hillary said. “It’s affected everyone, regardless of whether they’re at 40 hours or not.”

She described more changes, stories of shaving off overtime hours, cuts in health insurance, and reducing student help in half — all of the working standards LIPS stands for, violated right under our noses, arguably as a result of our own initiative.

I can’t help but feel some per-­sonal responsibility. It seems like the only thing I can do is shed light on what’s been happening and remind people that highly

dangerous. They shield the fact that long-­standing issues of cor-­poratization and labor abuse re-­quire lifelong struggles and gen-­erations of individuals who are committed to systematic change. I don’t want to completely dis-­miss what LIPS and community members accomplished, but I do want the repercussions of our liv-­ing wage campaign to serve as a lesson for fellow social justice advocates who dare to journey on the never-­ending uphill battle we call progress.

*names have been changed for anonymity _______________________________Lillie Fleshler is a senior cinema

and photography major who will

-­

edu.

percent. Yet these were employ-­ees who had been working at So-­dexo for only three to four years. In contrast, those who had been there for 15 to 20 years only re-­ceived a 25 cent increase. This unfair discrepancy was unfortu-­nate, but seemed fairly tolerable in light of the victory, until Erica and other workers began to in-­form me about what else was go-­ing on.

“We might get more money, but they’ve cut people’s hours to ac-­commodate it,” said Hillary*, one of Erica’s fellow workers. She was referring to changes that have taken place since the living wage was implemented.

“Instead of working eight and a half hour days, they’re down to seven and a half hour days. They’ve lost an hour a day, and

hours instead of 40,” she said. These numbers may seem incon-­clusive on their own, but when you do the math, the result is quite astounding.

“I know a lady who makes less now, with the livable wage, then she did before the livable wage, when she was at 40 hours a week,” Hillary said. This seems hard to believe, but if you calcu-­late a few typical long-­term em-­ployee salaries with an increase of 25 cents, and then factor in a

in weekly salary can range any-­where from $250 to $280 lost per month, assuming the cut is a di-­rect result of the wage raises.

“When you’re living paycheck to paycheck, you need that money,” remarked Julie*, a worker who now makes less after the living wage raises.

I acknowledge that this is large-­ly speculation, but if you take into

In the spring of 2011, the Itha-­ca community rejoiced at the living wage victory for Ithaca

College’s Sodexo-­employed din-­ing services workers. Beginning in 2010, a workers rights group on campus, Labor Initiative Pro-­moting Solidarity, had partnered with campus workers, the Tomp-­kins County Worker’s Center and various community activists

both Sodexo and the Ithaca Col-­lege administration, to pay their workers a living wage. After tire-­lessly meeting, marching, advo-­cating and making their voices heard, they had won the battle.

As a member of LIPS and an ac-­tive participant of that campaign, I was thrilled with this success. I couldn’t believe we had accom-­plished what we set out to do. It was a true victory for the under-­dog; David beating Goliath; proof that the people really do have power.

During the campaign, my main role was to touch base with cam-­pus workers. LIPS never wanted the campaign to stray from the folks it was actually affecting. Through this process, I became very friendly with a worker named Erica*.

When the campaign was over, I made a conscious effort to keep in touch with her. Despite the momentous nature of our victory, LIPS members and I knew that the battle for fair labor standards was far from over. Unfortunate-­ly, what I began to hear was far worse than I had expected.

took effect in January of 2012. Workers who had only been mak-­ing a minimum wage were ele-­vated to a living wage, resulting in some raises equaling over 35

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Victory With A Grain of SaltMedia Policy leaves students questioning administrationBy Gena Mangiaratti

The campus community seemed to breathe a sigh of relief Nov. 13 with the an-­

nouncement that the media policy instituted on Oct.1 had been re-­scinded.

While there is a widespread feel-­ing of gratitude that the administra-­tion responded to the backlash, the sudden and short-­lived policy has stirred lingering questions regarding how such a broad policy could be in-­stituted with such little explanation or discussion as to why.

Kelsey O’Connor, senior journal-­ism major and editor in chief of The

Ithacan, said the media policy came as a surprise. While the adminis-­tration claimed that the policy was aimed to direct student reporters to the proper sources for the conve-­nience of both the source and the reporter, O’Connor said there were no related incidents brought to her attention prior to the policy’s imple-­mentation.

“That’s what really surprised me, was the fact that there was no consultation before the policy,” O’Connor said.

Members of the campus commu-­nity — including but not limited to student journalists — criticized the policy and made calls for its repeal through a letter signed by faculty and staff, a Student Government Association referendum, and a stu-­dent-­organized on-­campus protest that culminated with a sit-­in in the Peggy Ryan Williams building.

Student leaders hope the policy’s sud-­den, unexplainable implementation has taken the form of a wake-­up call for students to take interest and form re-­sponses to the process in which college policies are created.

Ayla Ferrone, a senior journalism major and one of the organizers of the protest, said she feels the students were left out of the conversation preceding the policy, and that the demonstration was a way to engage the administration.

“We felt that we needed something where, not only Park students who felt like this was a violation of their edu-­cation, but also students from other schools, could get involved and really come together as a school of community and present that to the administration,” Ferrone said.

Ferrone noted that the protest turned out to be the same day as the Board of Trustees meeting, where participants in the demonstration handed out small print outs with reasons for the protest to members of the Board of Trustees as they exited the meeting.

Rob Flaherty, senior television-­radio and politics double major and president of the SGA, said the response to the me-­

people from all areas of campus come together in the face of a college policy, which he attributes to both the lack of student input in the decision process and the palpable effects of this particu-­lar policy.

He hopes the media policy has lit a spark that has gotten the student body to realize the importance of their opin-­

ions on college policy.

that was good, and I hope that in the future the student body gets active, gets engaged, and continues to be ef-­fective in lobbying,” Flaherty said.

On the day the policy was rescinded, President Tom Rochon told The Itha-­

can that his discussions with student media leaders following the policy’s implementation had a greater role in his decision to rescind the policy than the student and faculty activism.

But the visibility that the protests and petitions afforded to the criticisms no doubt helped bring light to the widespread criticism.

O’Connor said she was surprised by the all-­campus response, but that the suddenness of the policy seemed to worry people.

“If the community response really shows anything it’s that they don’t take new policies lightly, you know?” O’Connor said. “I thought that was re-­ally the most interesting, or the great-­est part of this entire media policy is the fact that the students faculty staff all really came together in such huge way that I’ve certainly never seen since I’ve been on campus.”

Many forms of discussion seemed to follow the implementation of the policy and its backlash, including a panel held by the Ithaca College chapter of the Society of Professional Journal-­ists and closed meetings between the administration and student media leaders. But it seems that more of this discourse should have occurred prior to the policy’s implementation and its lacking hints at a break in communi-­cation between the administration and the people whom the policies affect.

President Rochon declined to be in-­terviewed for this article.

Hopefully, the media policy, its re-­sponse and its eventual rescindment will continue to serve as an example of not only a victory at the hands of community engagement, but as a rea-­son for all members of the campus community to continue questioning and if necessary, criticizing, the value of their input in the administration’s decisions._____________________________________Gena Mangiaratti is a senior journalism

student journalism. Email her at gman-­Photo by Karen Muller

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Local study explores emotional relationship to different music genres By Bronwyn Bishop

Have you ever been cheered up by a certain piece of music? Has a song ever made you

cry? Music can inspire exaltation and despair. It can bring back long-­buried memories, and can even help with the management of brain disorders such as Alzheimer’s disease and autism. It is remarkable that the human brain is so deeply affected by a mere collection of organized sound.

Music is a part of virtually every-­one’s life, and it is fre-­quently referred to as a “universal language.” Junior music compo-­sition major Michael Samson said not all people are affected by the same types of mu-­sic.

“Different styles of music elicit different emotional respons-­es, and I think that’s totally awe-­some! What I feel listening to Radio-­head I could never feel listening to Beethoven, I could never feel listening to Béla Fleck and the Flecktones and so on. That’s why I like to listen to as much music as I can: so I can experi-­ence the full range of emotional expe-­riences that music could provide me.”

Emma Markham, a junior guitar per-­formance major from Amherst, Mass., is preparing to conduct an indepen-­dent study in which she will explore different people’s reactions to different styles of music. She plans to gather an audience to listen to a folk trio and then a classical trio both in the same venue, but with different atmospheres coinciding with each respective genre.

survey asking them about their enjoy-­ment of the two groups in the different atmospheres.

“The point of the study is to test how the atmosphere of a performance af-­fects people’s reactions,” Markham said.

Markham’s hypothesis is that “the atmosphere that is characteristic of a certain genre of music stimulates a certain reaction from its audience.” In other words, the somewhat “stuffy” environment of a classical music ven-­ue is what prevents the average audi-­

ence member from connecting with classical music, not the music itself.

“The cultures behind classical mu-­sic and folk music affect the way peo-­ple interact with those types of mu-­sic,” Markham said.

If Markham’s study hypothesis is supported by the study, it may change some students’ minds about music. Many people will say point-­blank that they hate classical music, jazz, show tunes or heavy metal, refusing to lis-­ten to any music of that style. How-­ever, if Markham’s hypothesis proves correct, those same people might dis-­cover that it’s the “snobby” jazz cul-­ture or the “angry” atmosphere at a metal concert that they dislike, rather than the actual music.

In fact, some styles of music are more similar than you might think.

Samson, who will participate in Markham’s study as a pianist, said that when he’s invested in listening to music he “feels the way the music feels.” He added, “If the music is par-­ticularly powerful, that feeling lingers

How is it possible that a pattern of sound waves can provoke such strong emotional reactions? John White, as-­sociate professor of music theory at Ithaca College, believes music has ex-­

treme powers. “Music is powerful due to

its ability to go beyond the limit of words. That is, mu-­sic can ‘speak to’ or hook our emotions in ways more powerful than words can,” White said. The composer Iannis Xenakis, in his book Formalized Music: Thought

and Mathematics in Compo-­

sition, described music as “catalytic: its mere presence permits internal psychic or mental transfor-­mations in the same way as the crys-­tal ball of the hypnotist.”

No matter what style of music you prefer, whether you’re a musician, a composer or just a listener, music impacts you in a unique way. By ex-­ploring unfamiliar genres, you open yourself up to all the emotion music can convey.

relationship with music, you can par-­

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ing place Friday, Dec. 7, at 7 p.m. in

____________________________________

major who likes to move and groove

ithaca.edu

Music on the Mind

Image by A

nika Steppe

“If the music is particularly

powerful, that feeling lingers

listening.”

-Michael Samson, junior music compositon major

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It was a Friday afternoon in late May, just a few weeks before the school year would end and stu-­

dents would be huddled on curb-­sides waiting for ice cream trucks to make their hourly rounds.

But for one teacher, six weeks was too long. That afternoon, she turned in her keys and her grade book. “I won’t be in on Monday and I’m quitting teaching — and that’s that.”

Enter Mr. Jeff Claus: a curly head-­ed graduate student of the Univer-­sity of Pennsylvania who had been substitute teaching at the school for the semester. That same afternoon, the Principal of the predominantly low-­income,minority-­populated school called Mr. Claus into his of-­

the year here?”While a two-­month salary was

an attractive option, Claus worried that his focus on teaching English

school’s need for a math teacher. No sooner did the principal reassure him: “All you have to do is tread wa-­ter.”

-­equality,” Claus said.

As an inexperienced college stu-­

Masters degree, Claus was placed in a situation where kids were going to be lied to. The previous teacher had already decided to fail some of them, which meant those students would be held back the next year.

“[The principal] treated this as

said. For Claus, prior teaching experience

helped reveal the types of institutional suffering that take place when kids are placed at the hands of a system that doesn’t respect them.

“As part of that experience, I became interested in the fundamental inequali-­ties and injustices that African Ameri-­cans experienced in schools,” Claus said.

Ithaca College welcomed Claus to the

Education department in 1994. Since then, Claus has focused his teaching on social and cultural issues in educa-­tion. To begin combating these issues of race and racism in education, Claus believes public education needs struc-­tural change from within — and that begins with teachers. His pedagogy has been “to support and foster the devel-­opment of educators who will have not only the skills, but also the persistence and the courage and the resilience to work within an institution of public ed-­ucation.”

One of Claus’ former students, Erin Irby, said she has always been passion-­ate about education. In fact, she may be destined for it — both her parents are teachers. As a senior on the cusp of graduation, Irby is planning to ap-­ply for a teaching assistant position in France. She’s pursuing this option in part because of her study abroad expe-­rience in Toulouse this spring, and in part because of Claus’ pedagogy. Her experience in his course allowed Irby to critically examine the public education system both at home and abroad.

“They created the French education system to unify the nation with a com-­

mon language, but bridge the gap from aristocracy and peasant popu-­lation,” Irby said in reference to Hor-­ace Mann’s notion of education being “the great equalizer.” Mann believed education was the “balance-­wheel of social machinery,” giving each person the independence and the means to

the poverty that creates achievement gaps.

Claus, however, helped Irby break down this misconception and think critically about the institutional structures enabling privilege and dis-­enfranchising marginalized groups. She said Claus fostered this critique by encouraging students to share their stories and personal experiences in education, never imposing his own views on their discussions and ideas.

“For future educators it’s very im-­portant to have a good educator, and he was the epitome of that,” she said.

In his courses, Claus also uses in-­terviews from his own research to il-­lustrate the need for multicultural

and demonstrate the consequences of schools that fail to do so. Senior Liz Stoltz, who took Social and Cultural Foundations of Education her fresh-­man year, said Claus stimulated her energy to research the impacts that poverty and adequate nutrition have on educational opportunities.

“I was encouraged to examine more critically how socioeconomic status correlates with school funding inequi-­

said.

at Ithaca College, Stoltz launched the campus organization Food for Thought, which aims to provide edu-­cation and charity for communities dealing with children’s malnutrition across the globe. For the past few years, Stoltz has also been a student researcher for She’s the First, an or-­ganization that sponsors girls’ educa-­tion in the developing world, helping

to graduate.“Through our research assign-­

Filling the GapA look at one man’s transformation of the local education system

By Megan Devlin

“Claus believes public educa-

tion needs structural change

from within — and that begins

with teachers.”

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treating school food as a social justice issue,” Stoltz said.

the Martin Luther King Jr. Scholar Program, Claus has left a legacy. Integrating his love for education and social change, Claus guided the scholars through their research and social justice projects. During a so-­cial-­justice trip to Ghana, Claus and the MLK scholars and faculty visited the “slave castles,” where slaves were held before being shipped to the Unit-­ed States. In social-­justice and inter-­national spaces like these, which have been designed with the purpose of ed-­ucating people about what happened there, Claus said his position as a white, middle-­class male was moving.

Upon leaving the site and returning to the bus, many of the MLK students and faculty members were solemn. One of the sophomore scholars began reconciling her feelings about her own identity — having an African-­Ameri-­can father and white mother: “I never

understood my father until this moment.”

As Claus re-­stated her quote, tears began to well in the ducts of his eyes, re-­enacting his own thoughts and emotions at that time. “As an educator, with a critical perspec-­tive on schools, I thought, ‘What a failure of the educational sys-­tem.’”

Claus believes identity crises for students of underrepresent-­ed groups illu-­minate how our school systems hardly provide educational ex-­periences that are intellectu-­ally truthful and rich about expe-­riences around race and racism, and that are also emotional.

“We don’t take people to emo-­

tional places through learning when we should,” he said. “We avoid all of that.”

Music is a personally emotional and creative outlet Claus uses to help people understand one another. Roger Richardson, creator of the MLK schol-­ar program, said Claus often inte-­grated musical and cultural elements into the MLK Program’s travel trips or discussion series to illuminate how rhythms and lyrics can carry emo-­tional and moving social-­justice nar-­ratives.

Claus also fuses his passion for mu-­sic and social-­justice learning on the community level. As a longtime gui-­tarist and lyricist, Claus has enjoyed performing with his wife, Judy, in both the major label group The Horse Flies and indie rock band Boy With A Fish. As a testament to Claus’ integra-­tion of music and rights-­based narra-­

with Artists Against Fracking. While

Claus tours locally and abroad with the groups, he also works with his

begin their newest project in January, shortly after Claus’ retirement, scor-­ing music for Northern Borders

based on the book by Howard Mosher.From hosting community dinners

at his house to engaging students in service projects at local elemen-­tary schools and community activity centers, Claus has set the bar high for other faculty members at Ithaca College. According to Richardson, he models the behaviors that any com-­mitted faculty has in terms of his or her scholarship, and the application of that scholarship in terms of the lives of people.

Addressing the MLK Program spe-­-­

one I’m indebted to for his willingness and commitment to wanting to make a positive difference in the lives of these talented, underrepresented stu-­dents.”

Richardson has also observed Claus actively working to change the lives of youth outside the classroom. For the past 10 years, Claus has been involved with the South Side Commu-­nity Center. He wrote the grant that funded the center’s radio program, which has become an important so-­cial medium for educators and social-­justice leaders like Claus to reach and connect with young people.

While Claus is leaving the top of South Hill come December, Richard-­son believes his engagement with the Ithaca community will continue fos-­tering the relationship between aca-­demia and community, and serving as a “premier ambassador” for creat-­ing the next generation of individuals who can use education as a way of social mobility — regardless of where the learning occurs.

“What we lose is a practitioner in addition to a scholar,” said Dr. Rich-­ardson. “What we gain is someone who will be an advocate in the com-­munity who will allow the community to continue connecting with college.” ____________________________________

Megan Devlin is a junior CMD major

ithaca.edu.

Photo by Amanda Kirschenbaum

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We all chose to come to Itha-­ca College for one reason or another, whether that

reason was academic programs, gor-­geous gorges or Ithaca’s status as the No.1 college town. For junior environ-­mental studies major Allison Currier,

values that got her to send in her de-­posit: commitment to sustainability. Through her classes and education at IC, she is constantly learning about the importance of our future and the effects we have on the entire global community.

“It is actually interesting because through my education and through my experiences here, those experienc-­es like my classes and my major has lead me to be more excited about the Divestment campaign,” Currier said.

The Divest For Our Future Cam-­paign is a partnership between Bet-­ter Future Project, Students for a Just and Stable Future and 350.org. According to Divest For Our Future, their main goal is to “have all college and university presidents and boards immediately freeze any new invest-­ment in fossil fuel companies and di-­vest from direct or indirect ownership of fossil fuel stocks and bonds within 5 years.”

There are 112 campus campaigns nationally, including at the IC and Cornell University campuses. IC has an endowment of $200 million, a minute fund compared to Cornell’s endowment of $5.23 billion for the

responsibility is that trustees have oversight of investing the endowment in a way that promises the best pos-­sible monetary returns so as to help subsidize high quality educational

aid and so forth,” Ithaca College Pres-­ident Tom Rochon said. “However, it also means investing the endowment in a way that is in alignment with the mission and values of the college.”

Though the board holds much pow-­er over this decision, Nancy Pringle, secretary to the board of trustees, was contacted three times with no reply.

What good are the degrees we are earning in college if the world in

which we could use them no lon-­ger exists due to global warm-­ing? This is the question many IC students in-­volved with the Divest Campaign are asking to try to stir up action amongst students and the college’s board of trust-­ees. The group is actually a coalition between many clubs on campus including the Envi-­ronmental League of Action Network, modeled after the General Assembly from the Occupy movement.

According to President Rochon, di-­vestment has been successful in the past at IC.

“One generation ago, a number of boards of trustees across the coun-­try decided that investing in compa-­nies whose South Africa operations were part of the apartheid system was not in alignment with the missions of their colleges,” Rochon said.

There are 200 publically traded companies that hold a majority of the world’s coal, oil and gas reserves —companies the project hopes colleges and universities will divest from, and invest instead in clean energy. Ac-­cording to the national campaign, “The mission of higher education is to provide individuals with the tools, resources, and knowledge to have an

Our schools invest in our future. Yet at the same time, they are supporting corporations that are actively threat-­ening the future of all life on earth.”

Fossil fuel companies are polluting the earth without paying for the dam-­ages are caused directly to ecosys-­tems and indirectly through severe weather caused by increased global climate change.

“You don’t think about investing where the money is [going]” Currier said. “We think about green build-­ing and using compostable material and recycling and that all is really good and important but to make real change you need to make it from the

inside out and you need to move mon-­ey because we live in a capitalist sys-­tem where money drives everything.”

Cornell is also taking part in the campaign. The university’s divest-­ment group is demanding divestment of all endowment funds from fossils fuels by 2020. They are also calling for the university to reinvest 30 per-­cent of the endowment in sustainable

companies and commingled funds by 2030. A similar movement was made at Cornell a few years ago, but the policy was essentially ignored. How-­ever, President of Kyoto Now!, Anna-­Lisa Castle, believes this movement will be different.

“We are careful about building pub-­lic support so that we can create a sustainable movement that cannot be swept under the rug and which can be continued by future Cornellians,” Castle said.

Whether from a large Ivy League university or a medium sized liberal arts school, students in this move-­ment care about the future of their world and the role their colleges are playing in it. We are investing our money in these institutions so why shouldn’t they invest their funds in our futures?

“We have the power because we go to this school to make a real change in where the money is being put. And I am not ever going to consider Ithaca College a sustainable environment until that money is divested from fos-­sil fuels,” Currier said. ____________________________________Meagan McGinnes is a junior journal-­

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edu.

College students advocate divestment on their campuses

Meagan McGinnes

Dirty AssetsPhoto courtesy of D

ivestIC

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To say that the recent presi-­dential election was inter-­esting would be an under-­

statement. America watched as media pundits analyzed the debate performances and political stanc-­es of the two major candidates. Tensions rose as Election Day grew closer, but ultimately Barack Obama emerged victorious.

All at once, it was over. The mes-­sage flashed onto my TV screen: “Barack Obama re-­elected.” Though I couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief, I was reluctant to welcome Obama back with open arms. Though Obama was, in my opinion, the better of the two major candidates, I can’t help but feel duped by both a flawed two-­party sys-­tem and a president with some very questionable poli-­cies.

Arianna Huffington writes that the two party system is “hope-­lessly broken,” saying that it “has not just narrowed our choices, it’s narrowed our thinking. It has deeply infected our political dis-­course, our media and our politi-­cians. To paraphrase Einstein, the problems we are facing today can-­not be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.”

This election season, I became very involved in following the cam-­paign of Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein. Haven’t heard of her? That’s not surprising. The mainstream media in the U.S. pro-­vides American citizens with little to no coverage of third-­party hap-­penings. During the election cycle, third party candidates were barely mentioned by any major news out-­lets. When you pair a lack of media coverage with exclusive presiden-­tial debates organized solely for the two major candidates, third-­party candidates are rendered vir-­tually invisible. Because the Amer-­ican people are not exposed to a wide variety of voices, we think

there are only two choices.In France, there is a political

“left” and a political “right” but within these two broad labels ex-­ist a myriad of parties. Currently, France has seven major political parties serving in its parliament. If you were to look at a diagram of France’s parliament, you would see a whole rainbow of colors — very different from our house of

representatives sporting the same old red and blue.

Every four years the American people are told there are only two truly “viable” candidates. Under this framework, Americans are forced to pick between the lesser of two evils. On Nov. 6th, Ameri-­cans went to the voting booth and did exactly that, so now we get to look forward to four more years of moderate policies.

For left-­leaning Americans, one of the lowest moments of President Obama’s first term was the exten-­sion of the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy. Many criticized the Presi-­dent for compromising too much and not taking a firm enough stance on tax justice. This elec-­tion cycle, the repeal of the Bush tax cuts was one of Obama’s big talking points, and yet his “tough view” on taxes is already wavering. Kevin Drum, a political blogger for Mother Jones writes: “How com-­mitted is President Obama to let-­ting the Bush tax cuts for the rich expire? At his press conference today [Nov. 14, 2012], he gave a fuzzy answer, so Chuck Todd fol-­lowed up and asked him if he’s

absolutely committed to repealing the Bush tax cuts for the rich — no ifs, ands, or buts. Obama de-­clined to say yes.”

It doesn’t stop there. David Cay Johnston, a Pulitzer Prize win-­ning journalist, recently spoke at Ithaca College and remarked that Obama is the most “business friendly president we’ve ever had.” In an article he wrote for Reuters,

Johnston states: “Under President Barack Obama, business has been able

to immediately write off 50 percent of new investment one year and 100 percent in two other years.” This doesn’t seem like a very lib-­eral stance to me.

Furthermore, with an-­other four years of Obama comes another four years of relentless drone strikes. The Washington Post re-­

ports: “Over the past two years, the Obama administration has been secretly developing a new blueprint for pursuing terrorists, a next-­generation targeting list called the ‘disposition matrix.’” It continues, “Among senior Obama administration officials, there is a broad consensus that such op-­erations are likely to be extended at least another decade.” These drone strikes have been highly controversial because of incidents in which they have hit civilians, some of whom were American citi-­zens.

As we venture into another four years under president Obama, I hope that everyone retains a criti-­cal eye for both his policies and the two party system that allows him to remain in office. The status quo won’t do for much longer._________________________________Timothy Bidon is a junior journal-­

ism major who loves Guys and Dolls -­

ithaca.edu

Rocking The BoatWhy the status quo no longer works for our political system

By Timothy Bidon

“Because the American

people are not exposed to

a wide variety of voices,

we think there are only

two choices.”

Dirty Assets

BUZZSAW

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Half the Story Collectively written by Intersectionali-tea group

A generous atmosphere of en-­thusiasm hummed through Ford Hall on the night of Nov.

1st, 2012, as Ithaca College admin-­istrators, faculty, students and com-­munity members greeted each other with excitement. Sponsored by the

-­

promised another engaging discourse about a complex and dynamic sub-­ject. On the heels of Hurricane Sandy, Sheryl WuDunn arrived with energet-­ic reception from an audience eager to learn about her book Turning Oppression into Opportunity

, co-­authored by her husband, Nicholas Kristof.

With the approving nods and clap-­ping hands of President Tom Rochon, President Emerita Peggy R. Williams, and IC benefactors in attendance, the audience also projected an uncondi-­tional acceptance of Sheryl WuDunn’s strident denouncement of gendered oppression worldwide. However, the discourse offered by WuDunn and Kristof fails to address the role of the U.S. in the global oppression of wom-­en. A group of students realized this acute failure of the movement and de-­cided to respond.

The book is part of a larger move-­ment that includes a documentary

-­tions by WuDunn and Kristof and an interactive website. Though WuDunn

stars as the activist/journalist/sav-­ior, alongside guest celebrities, as the audience hops across Africa and Asia

-­pression.

We ask: What does it mean to point a camera in the face of a young woman and ask her to relive her rape for view-­ers like us? In what ways does charity allow us to dissociate ourselves from the problem? Can we become saviors through monetary aid while ignoring the causes of global violence against

-­posium quickly turned out to be noth-­

as we realized that the Half the Sky movement answered none of these questions. In an attempt to open up a true dialogue about the causes of oppression and global inequities, we came together to ask WuDunn some questions instead.

After the initial campus screen-­ing of on Oct. 5th, we

of the Half the Sky movement. Each of us brought our knowledge to the discussion—pulling from scholar-­ship on patriarchy and paternalism; colonialism and capitalism; wars and technology; systems of oppression and structural inequality; institution-­alized racism and media representa-­tion; international aid and national dependencies;ideologies and social-­ization; self-­organizing and resistance movements; and counternarratives offered by marginalized groups of peo-­ple. Together, we diligently and con-­sciously worked to articulate highly informed critiques of the Half the Sky movement.

At the symposium, we asked co-­gent, concise questions about the

its avoidance of critical issues like the historical processes (e.g. war devas-­tation and colonial exploitation) that have brought us to “today’s moral challenge.”

Rather than address structures and systems that create poverty and gender inequity, the movement advo-­cates giving women some money and educational opportunities. One prob-­lem (of many) with the movement is that it ignores men. It declares that

women are the solution, but it doesn’t identify the problem (i.e. the causes of gender ineq-­uity). Neither in the book nor

about his opinions or experi-­ences. It seems to us that in order to “Turn Oppression into Opportunity,” one must analyze the oppression and address the oppressive regimes in place. In-­stead, Kristof and WuDunn sell their readers/customers the idea that all these poor African and Asian women need is our economic aid. Their answer to these multiple forms of oppres-­sion is to give women money.

Kristof and WuDunn are re-­ceiving a lot of attention and cultural revenue from

. Their product does not confront U.S. citizens. Their product does not implicate our

Photo by Anika Steppe

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public policies. Their product does not offer a holistic view of the oppression of women. Instead, their product posi-­tions U.S. citizens as potential saviors of poor, helpless Africans and Asians. This is why their book is a best-­seller. The status quo in the US is not ques-­tioned — an easy answer is offered.

Uncritical and uninformed, but good-­hearted, consumers of

will feel compelled to participate in their project. The “solution” they offer is not only ineffective (as it fails to address structural and systemic causes of poverty and inequity), but harmful. The problem is that their

project reinforces a worldview in which we are innocent and superior, and those Others from that Other land are backwards, violent savages.

Through our questions at the sym-­posium, we wanted to provide peo-­ple with critical frameworks so that

and harmfulness of approach to “saving the world, one woman at a time” (a paternalistic, agency-­removing phrase taken from the book’s dedication).

***We would like to comment on The

Ithacan’s problematic coverage of the event. Rather than report on our col-­lective efforts and questions of resis-­tance, the article, “ in-­cites student opposition,” positioned us as uninformed, angry, hostile and disruptive. It is no surprise that a mainstream paper would play a role in perpetuating popular narratives while denouncing those who criticize it in any way. The Ithacan offered us an Editorial spot, but when we re-­sponded that we would only submit a response if they guaranteed not to edit our submission, they did not re-­

spond to us.In our defense, a number of us

researched the many critiques of circulating within the feminist

and activist blogospheres. We came together, discussed the movement extensively and formulated erudite questions with the intention of open-­ing dialogue.

When we challenged WuDunn and Kristof for his unethical journalistic

portrayed these young women and the countries they live in, we were not challenging the awareness they

are raising about international atroci-­ties against women. It is not about denouncing the intention of the work they do, but rather critiquing how they do it and challenging them to do it in a way that is more respectful to the young girls depicted.

It seems that because we chal-­lenged her and her husband’s work and this popular narrative of the white man’s burden, The Ithacan portrayed us as critics with invalid opinions who don’t actually see all the good that this movement is doing. But does all this “good” make up for

it doesn’t portray these young women who are victims of oppression as hav-­ing any agency or resistance? How it ignores the larger, structural issues (including U.S. involvement) that have aided in this international gendered oppression? How it portrays Kristof and these celebrities as saviors who can help to raid brothels and arrest rapists in order to “save” these young women?

As evinced by the coverage of the symposium, it is clear that The Itha-­

can is not sincere in creating an inclu-­

sive, accepting and fair environment for all opinions. Instead, what is tak-­ing place is the culture of silence (and silencing, for that matter). How can

privileged ostracize the subjugated?White guilt and the horrors of

American capitalism cannot be cured through charity. Too often individuals look to cure the symptoms of social inequality while blatantly ignoring the causes. It is easier to work in the short term than to take up the much needed task of devising long-­term so-­

been the framework/aim of this event, it would have brought the privileged and the oppressed together to de-­construct issues of racism, sexism, nativism, ableism, classism, agism, neocolonialism and all other roots of social inequalities.

We do not want to discredit those working within The Ithacan, espe-­cially those who continue to create the needed struggle in writing ar-­ticles that allow for the oppressed to speak out while being oppressed themselves. We understand that, as with any bureaucracy, there is a hierarchy of power within The Itha-­

can that they too are often silenced by. The result is a culture of silence and silencing whereby the privileged do not even have to acknowledge or begin to deconstruct privileges. We

dialogues that need to take place, and that deconstruct the complex and intricate issues of social inequality. Also, it is truly disrespectful and sim-­ply uninformed to suggest, as the ar-­ticle did, that no thought and work is put into constructive criticism.

Too many organizations and in-­

and not the cause while completely enveloped in their privileges. This is the stance of and of The

Ithacan’s reportage. If we cannot have -­

dresses issues of privilege and subju-­gation, we will continue to condone racism, sexism, classism, ableism, nativism, neocolonialism, agism and all other forms in which social in-­equalities take root.____________________________________

group: Intersectionali-­Tea TimeAction

Group and on buzzsawmag.org.

“It is not about denouncing the

intention of the work they do, but

rather critiquing how they do it

and challenging them to do it in a

way that is more respectful to the

young girls depicted.”

BUZZSAW

: The G

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14

Ready to enter a small, unstable job market? Ready to be out of school? Not quite. When I

entered into my fall semester of my senior year, I was expecting it to be my last semester. I had planned on making this my last

all my classes and starting an intern-­ship in the spring. Dec. 1 was the in-­ternship paperwork deadline; the date to have everything set and to have a plan.

The deadline grew closer and the job search proved to be harder than I originally thought it would be. The Asso-­ciated Press reported that one out of every two recent college graduates is under-­employed or jobless. This stress was making me doubt my original choice to graduate early. I be-­gan to realize the situation I was in: I was at a liberal arts college in a No.1 college town, in my last year of what is supposed to be the “best years of our lives.” Why would I want to rush away from that? I began to realize I have plenty of time to get a job and go to grad school. There is no reason to rush into it.

There are around 1,800 students in the 2013 graduating class. Of those students, roughly 300 are graduating in December. Finances are a primary reasoning for most students’ deci-­sion to graduate early. I understand some people don’t have the luxury to

choose whether to stay all four years or graduate early, but I urge the class

staying at Ithaca College for both se-­mesters.

Finances played a role in my de-­cision making too, but in a way many don’t often consider: in my case, I would have needed to take a three credit winter course and then a nine-­credit in-­ternship, all paid for out of pocket. By staying a full time student next semester, I could take classes and cancel out all of those out-­of-­pock-­et credits. I know that a big reason to graduate early is student loans.

No matter what I do I will be paying those off for quite a while. The New

York Times said that the average debt for the graduates of 2011 was nearly $27,000. Ouch. But even though an-­other semester will add to my loans, it will also push off paying them just enough that I will hopefully have a starting income and savings to help with the debt. And the classes I will be taking next semester will make me more marketable and give me more knowledge to help me land my future job — whatever that may be.

I plan on attending graduate school for education. This plan helped to shape my reasoning for postponing graduation. For students who plan

Not Quite Ready The pitfalls of graduating early

By Ryan Butleron graduate school right after their undergrad years, consider how much you forget just over the three-­month summer break. Now, add in a whole spring semester of time spent away from an academic environment. The fall academic calendar starts eight months after December graduation and that is the soonest you can enter graduate school.

Most articles I have read regard-­ing early graduation have all had the same kind of message: cherish spending the full four years at your college. I have heard from many peo-­ple who say they wish they could go back and “relive the old glory days” or redo their college years. If that is how I will feel in 10 or 20 years, then why would I rush out of this? It is a unique experience to be in such a so-­cial setting where I am surrounded only by people my own age and I feel that I should take advantage of it. It seems like a silly thing to say I want to stay at college an extra semester for my friends, but it is a huge reason to want to stay.

When it all comes down to it, I am simply not ready — not ready to be in the forever daunting “real world” and not ready to leave the situation I am in and enjoying. Having another semester will allow me to really em-­brace the experiences I have had here and be ready to leave. I’m not “Ithaca College Ready” yet, but give me an-­other few months and I’ll be there. ____________________________________

-­

venture Leadership major who is mak-­

Image courtesy of Ryan Butler

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Buzzsaw Takes A Bite......of Ithaca’s food trucks

By Francesca Toscano

While approaching the Hot Truck late one night, I knew I had crossed enemy lines into Cornell territory. This truck is in every way a Cornell estab-­lishment: located in the mid-­dle of Cornell’s campus, it has provided drunken Ivy Leaguers with late night grub since 1960. While waiting in line, I discov-­ered the secret language to or-­dering their signature greasy subs: “run it through the gar-­den” means “add lettuce”, “liq-­uid heat” means “ add cayenne

pepper sauce” and “heavy” means “add garlic.” The sand-­wiches were solid, particularly the “WGC,” a pizza sandwich on garlic bread — but compa-­rable to other unhealthy op-­tions in Ithaca. There is also a group of sandwiches entitled “The Suicides,” which I found slightly unsettling considering Cornell’s reputation. Although this truck may have a different

-­lians, this reviewer was rela-­tively unimpressed.

Louie’s Lunch, much like The Hot Truck, is designed to stuff the faces of Cornell students with carbs after a night of bad decisions. The fare is decidedly classic, with an extensive col-­lection of milkshakes, burgers, sandwiches and fried delights. Louie’s Lunch also features breakfast sandwiches into the late hours of the night, which is a big draw for all-­day breakfast lovers such as myself. Although the options seem wholly un-­healthy, there is a vegetarian

menu for those with dietary restrictions. The food was diner-­esque, but was height-­ened by the fun Collegetown atmosphere. However, it lacks the history of The Hot Truck, making it the less charming of the two options. Still, if you’re spending an evening in the commercial Collegetown area, this is the most convenient food truck option.

The Good Truck, a seasonal truck, closed for the winter in late October. However, as it was

truck scene, it needs to be men-­tioned. The Good Truck, which will open again next spring, of-­fers fantastic tacos and other Tex-­Mex delights with an Ithaca spin. For example, “the Local” with hot radish and aspara-­gus with coleslaw, is classic Ithaca fare on a tortilla. “The El Camino,” their version of chicken molé, is a more refresh-­ing twist on a classic. They de-­

As a hardcore Italian, I take my pasta dishes very serious-­ly. The Circus Truck features many food options, such as stellar breakfast burritos and sandwiches. They offer an ex-­tensive variety of upscale grilled cheeses, which is music to the ears of this cheese-­and-­carb addict. However, the creative pasta specials are a standout. The dishes change daily: I en-­joyed pappardelle with bacon, artichoke and fresh spinach in pistachio nut cream sauce with fresh habanero pepper. The pasta is locally sourced and homemade.

scribe themselves as “locally driven tacos,” which not only cleverly notes their presence as a food truck, but also ac-­cents their emphasis on lo-­cal ingredients. Additionally, this food truck offers a small yet savvy variety of wines, which perfectly complement the fantastic tacos. The qual-­ity ingredients and wonderful

incredibly small portions and depressingly short season prevent me from giving them a perfect score.

college dessert on a budget: grilled pina colada bread with grilled peaches and homemade whipped cream. The Circus Truck reveals their specials daily on their Facebook page, although, I doubt that any of their Ital-­ian delicacies will disappoint! Whether seeking out a clas-­sic cheesy sandwich concoc-­tion or a one-­of-­a-­kind pasta masterpiece, The Circus Truck is any Ithacan’s go-­to spot.

The Good Truck 516 West State Street

The Hot Truck

The Circus Truck

Louie’s Lunch Corner of Thurston and Wait

635 Stewart Avenue

607 West Seneca Street

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UPFRO

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PFR

ONT. UPFRO

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Written in the CosmosBy Karen Muller

Is there a science behind our horoscopes?

When we have questions about our own lives, one solution is to look to the

stars — or at least as far as the horoscope section in the newspa-­per. Something about the night sky makes us look for deeper meaning, and through our culture’s consid-­eration of shooting stars, constel-­lation legends, and zodiac signs, stars have long been much more than tiny specks of light against the sky. The motions of both the planets in our solar system and the stars within it are calculated, inter-­preted and connected to daily life on Earth through the controversial belief system known as astrology.

While astrology is sometimes in-­accurately referred to as a “New Age” art, it is actually an ancient practice, with some records dating back to 1645 BC. Not to be con-­

fused with astronomy, the branch of science dealing with stars, plan-­ets, and their motions, astrology is a mystical and far less mainstream area of study. However, both fields have closely linked histories, and early astronomers often offered as-­trological predictions as well.

But how do the motions of the stars have anything to do with the events that affect us personally here on Earth? According to Lin-­da Ruth, a professional astrologer from downtown Ithaca, that rela-­tionship is simpler and even closer than many people expect.

“Astrology is an ancient system based on ‘as above, so below,’” Ruth said, referencing the central astrological belief that the move-­ments of stars and planets can reflect personal experiences on Earth. “What everyone is not aware

of is that our bodies are made of stardust, and every planetary sys-­tem has some planetary resonance within us. What I am trying to do is translate what the cosmic pic-­ture is, meaning the position of the stars and planets at any given mo-­ment and what that means to the individual psyche.”

In terms of the “above,” Ruth’s work involves analyzing the con-­stant motion of stars and planets compared to one another, as well as their relationships to the individu-­al. She explains that each person is born under a very specific celes-­tial alignment, which becomes the client’s “natal chart,” based on the exact time, date and location of the person’s birth. While this means that the circumstances of each in-­dividual’s chart are fixed, she sees the chart’s predictions as more of

Image by Karissa Breuer

19

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a jumping-­off point or set of pos-­sibilities than a single defined fate.

Some casual horoscope readers like the idea of not having total control over their fates.

“I don’t actively seek my horo-­scope, but when I see the word ‘Vir-­go,’ I can’t help but check it out,” Ithaca College junior Emma Martin said. “I guess maybe a small part of me wants to believe there’s some validity, a bit of insight into the

month perhaps. The idea that fate is not in your own hands can be appealing.”

However, Ruth explains that the stars don’t provide one clear-­cut prediction for any individual.

“For any given configuration of planetary bodies, there is an in-­finite number of ways that you’re going to interpret that,” Ruth said. “There’s a set of possibilities, and then there’s the observer, the per-­sonal psyche that’s interpreting it, and either they’re aligning with it or they’re fighting with it. How you’re going to interpret your indi-­vidual horoscope is your choice.”

Still, as a mystical practice with minimal scientific support, many people are skeptical of astrology. It is commonly referred to as a pseu-­

doscience, meaning that there is no significant evidence supporting its predictions and methodology.

Paul Thagard, Director of the Cognitive Science Program at the University of Waterloo in Canada, believes that modern astrology is misguided and used to explain patterns that would be better ex-­plained by psychology.

“Astrology is stagnant and hasn’t

advanced in hundreds of years, and hasn’t taken into account why peo-­ple have the personalities that they do,” Thagard said. “Associations between different features and the signs of the zodiac don’t really map onto anything that’s been tested empirically.” Thagard explained that the relationships identified by astrology tend to be based on simi-­larities, and these correlations do not offer evidence of a cause-­and-­

effect relationship.However, when many people read

their horoscopes or receive other personal information from astrol-­ogy, they do feel that it resonates with their own experiences or personalities. Thagard said this resonance is often mistaken for evidence of the merit of the astro-­logical prediction, though it really has more to do with psychology and the way we tend to process such predictions. He names some of the reasons why people believe in astrological predictions.

“One is that they aren’t aware of the alternatives — they don’t know anything about personality psy-­chology. They don’t know that stars aren’t a very good explanation for aspects of their lives or that there are much better ones available. A lot of it, I think, is motivated inter-­est, when you base conclusions not on facts, but on ways you’ve dis-­torted the facts in accord with your goals,” Thagard said.

In relation to astrology, motivat-­ed interest is the human tendency to be more inclined to believe opti-­mistic predictions, since the recipi-­ent would naturally want that in-­

formation to be true. Thagard also believes that looser predictions, which are open to more flexible interpretations, are more likely to resonate with the individual, dem-­onstrating the psychological ten-­dency known as “cognitive bias.”

Overall, Thagard advises college students that astrological predic-­tions are fit for entertainment pur-­poses, but that taking them seri-­ously is risky.

“If your level of astrology is open-­ing up the newspaper and chuck-­ling at it, there’s no harm in chuck-­ling, in being amused by it, treating it as a kind of game. [But] students face a lot of important decisions. You have to figure out what you want to major in, what you want to do after graduation, and people are often beginning relationships… If people are making life decisions by taking into account the horoscopes of themselves or other people, they’re working with something that’s completely unreliable and they easily could be hurting their lives.”

Such a skeptical attitude is com-­mon, perhaps even mainstream, among students — but for true believers of astrology, no form of empirical evidence is needed to validate the connection they feel with such predictions. Through her experiences with both clients and outsiders, Ruth frequently encoun-­ters skeptics, and actually embrac-­es their questioning attitudes.

“I think most people would be skeptical until they’ve had the ex-­perience,” Ruth said. “There are many people who … have some skepticism, and rather than having a long, philosophical debate about whether it should or shouldn’t work, I sit down with their charts and see if there’s anything mean-­ingful … Hold onto your skepti-­cism; it’s really intelligent to have skepticism until you have an expe-­rience.”__________________________________Karen Muller is a junior IMC ma-­

jor who accidentally registered for

an astronomy course. Email her at

kmuller1@ithaca.edu.

“What everyone is not aware of is that our

bodies are made of stardust...”

-Linda Ruth, professional astrologer

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Eat Like the AstronautsBy Kait Hulbert

What to eat and how to prepare dinner in space

When I think of astronauts -­

ages that come to mind may be of freeze-­dried ice cream. Most people have seen it at some point, ei-­ther in a classroom or a museum gift shop; but it shouldn’t be surprising that NASA doesn’t send its top scien-­tists into outer space with only a three-­year supply of freeze-­dried Rocky Road. In fact, though space ice cream was developed per the request of an astro-­naut, it’s not a popular choice among astronauts — or food scientists.

According to “NASA Facts: Space Food,” the ideal space diet for an as-­

each of equal importance. Each meal must be nutritious, easily portable and satisfying, and the diet as a whole must be varied, to prevent boredom. Unfortunately, ample Diet Coke sup-­ply isn’t considered, though it clearly should be. But the hope is that the food developed is safe to eat, easy to prepare and safe to consume while in space. So while the limitations on the food choices might be lessening, the work that goes into preparing the food

To ensure proper nutrition and sat-­isfaction, NASA employs a team of food scientists whose sole purpose is to de-­velop and produce a nutritious diet for astronauts while on a mission. Astro-­nauts are brought to the Space Food Systems Laboratory at Johnson Space Center in Houston, Texas, nearly nine months before departure and asked to sample potential food and drink choic-­es. Taking into account these food preferences, individual meal plans are drawn up. Every meal and snack for every day of the mission is planned out in advance, with the hopes that doing so will circumvent possible food boredom. Possible menu items could include applesauce, funfetti cake, bean burritos and macaroni — or they would at least, if NASA made the mis-­take of sending me into space.

Forty years ago, food choices would have been limited to semi-­liquids and freeze-­dried powders, like space ice cream; but the evolution of technology has lead to a greater variety of prepa-­ration methods, and thus a greater variety of food choices. In fact, there’s

almost nothing that can’t be brought into space today. Food choices today include rehydratable, thermostabi-­lized, irradiated and natural-­form items. Traditional rehydratable foods — like freeze-­dried ice cream — are made by removing the water from the food before takeoff. This was origi-­nally done to conserve weight on the spaceship. The water is taken out of the food before it’s loaded onto the ship, and then rehydrated using water from fuel cells in space. It was an ef-­fective way of packing food, but it was far from the most appetizing. Foods that can be prepared in rehydratable containers include soups, breakfast cereals, mac and cheese, shrimp cock-­tail and scrambled eggs. Intermediate moisture foods are only partially dehy-­drated and can be eaten without any preparation. These typically include usually dried foods, like dried fruits and beef jerky.

“NASA Facts” also mentions that foods that would typically need to be stored at a certain temperature must be thermostabilized to make it onto the spacecraft. This process involves treating the food with heat so it can be safely stored at room temperature, usually in a can or pouch. Beef tips and mushrooms, chicken a la king and other meals made with meat or

using thermostabilization. Similarly, beef steak and smoked turkey can be irradiated to remove bacteria and pre-­vent foodborne illness. Other irradiat-­ed foods are being developed for use in the International Space Station.

Pre-­packaged dried foods like grano-­la bars, cookies and nuts can be stored under normal conditions and eaten without preparation, as can fresh foods like apples and bananas. Foods that need to be stored at a cool tem-­perature but are otherwise ready-­to-­eat like cream cheese and sour cream can be refrigerated on the spacecraft. Finally, to enhance the variety of foods available to the astronauts, foods like quiches, casseroles and chicken pot

the buildup of large ice crystals, while maintaining the original texture and tastes.

The combination of foods from all

eight preparation types helps NASA’s food scientists develop a mentally and physically satisfying meal plan that meets the varied needs of the astro-­nauts and the spacecraft.

Not only does the greater variety of food allow for happier astronauts, it also allows for greater cross-­cultural communication. On international mis-­sions and at the international space station, food choices can help estab-­lish international identity and facili-­tate learning. Additionally — especially with regards to holiday traditions — the foods selected by an astronaut can be an important tool to help combat homesickness.

The days of eating dehydrated food out of aluminum foil are over. This might have something to do with an overarching fear that there wouldn’t be any American astronauts left if NASA didn’t leave an option for Big Macs in space. I know I certainly wouldn’t head into space without a lifetime supply of Diet Coke, white rice and Pad Thai on board, but then again, I’m also the very last person NASA should ever consider sending into space.____________________________________Kait Hulbert is a sophomore IMC major

who would love to drink Diet Coke in

space. Email her at khulber2@ithaca.

edu.

Food is a central part of most families’ holi-day traditions, be it Christmas ham, pumpkin pie or eggnog. But how do astronauts cel-ebrate the holidays when they’re separated from their families and hundreds of miles above the Earth? NASA’s “Holiday in Space” feature de-

scribes the holiday in space experience on the International Space Station and other similar missions. The ISS brings together many cul-tures, which creates a diverse holiday experi-ence. Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Ortho-dox Christmas, Thanksgiving and the New Year might all be celebrated — sometimes by only one or two people. Keeping that in mind, NASA allows all crew members to individually decide whether or not they’d like any special holiday meals. If an astronaut would like to have a tradi-

tional American Thanksgiving meal, for exam-ple, that wouldn’t be a problem: smoked turkey, dehydrated mashed potatoes and thermosta-bilized cranberry sauce are on the list of ac-ceptable menu choices. If a crewmember has a special food they’d like for a particular holiday and it isn’t on the regular menu, their families can send a bonus container into space with them. These foods aren’t on the menu, but can make it easier to be away from home during the holidays, so they’re allowed into space.

Spending the Holidays in Space

21

Upfro

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Realms of SpiritualityBy Miranda Materazzo

Religious perceptions of the heavens and beyond

The human race has been wondering about its origins for thousands of years, and

a large majority of people worldwide turn to religion for the answer. Most religions look to the heavens, citing an Almighty who, in some cases liter-­ally and in some metaphorically, in-­habits the stars.

While Judaism has concepts of an afterlife that are similar to the notion of Heaven and Hell, on the question of whether they are physical places, Rabbi Scott Glass of Ithaca’s Temple Beth-­El said, “I’ve never been there, so I can’t tell you, and nobody has come back to report.”

The belief that Hell is a physi-­cal place began in ancient times, with evildoers being sent to rot in the underworld. In the 14th centu-­ry, Dante Alighieri wrote of “Para-­diso” as being in space, with the “Nine Realms of Heaven” encompassing most of the planets that were known then.

While space exploration has made some doubt the existence of Heaven and Hell, it has made others look at the possibility of extraterrestrial life with more seriousness.

“I have no reason to be-­lieve it’s not possible that there’s life on other plan-­ets, but to date I don’t see much proof,” Glass said. The Rabbi’s sentiments echo what most people, myself included, believe about “aliens.” And as for space exploration, which has captivated Americans for decades, “God blessed us with intel-­ligence, then we should be using it.”

The Quran, the primary religious text of Islam, makes several refer-­ences to Heaven being a place with a gate, a place that you can enter. In the Quran, Hell is described as being fu-­eled by “men and stones.”

Imam Yaser Akhooly, of the Islamic Society of Central New York in Syra-­

“are existing somewhere that God knows.”

discoveries have only made his belief in Islam that much more steadfast.

actually proved ... the intelligence of creation,” he said just before recount-­ing an anecdote about a scientist who converted to Islam because he was so

-­racy.

While both the Imam and the Rabbi said that neither holy book makes di-­rect references to aliens, angels and other non-­human beings are men-­tioned almost constantly. Some believe that the gods of ancient civilizations were actually aliens, which would ex-­plain why they were described

as being

half-­ani-­mal, giant, or otherwise “otherworld-­ly.” Askhooly noted that according to the Quran, “In the very vastness of the universe...there are things that He [God] created that you don’t know.”

A June report from Britain’s Daily Mail indicates that over one third of Americans believe in aliens. Even in Buddhism, worlds away from Juda-­ism and Islam in most aspects, there is talk of Heavenly Realms and “cos-­mic” beings. Chris Accardo, practic-­ing Vajrayana Buddhist and presi-­dent of the Buddhist community at IC, attests that while most Buddhists believe that the Heavenly Realm and Hell are real, they exist on another

plane of the universe. “They’re not places you can walk to,” Accardo said. Half-­joking, he added, “If there are aliens, they’d probably be something like Buddhists.”

But there is kernel of truth behind Accardo’s remark. In Buddhism, there is the theory that dharma (the teachings of the original Buddha) are actually universal phenomenon, not just an Earthbound one. There is even a whole branch of Buddhist study about the shape and evolution of the universe, even though Buddha re-­fused to answer several questions the existence of the world in space and time.

Since there is no sin-­gle, omnipotent deity in

the Buddhist faith, the origin of the uni-­verse still remains

shrouded in mys-­tery to its follow-­ers. The current

Dalai Lama is fasci-­nated by cosmology

and physics, and has advocated for the collabo-­ration of science

and religion for 25 years. Accardo said that all Buddhists share a universal be-­lief that time and the

universe is cyclical. He rather ominously added that Buddhists believe the universe seems to be at the end of a cycle now.

So, whether you believe the uni-­verse is cyclical, ever-­expanding with no end and beginning, or think that

proves the intelligence behind it, we may never know with any degree of certainty. While we may feel reas-­surance from our spiritual leaders, it stands to reason that the inherent sense of human curiosity about our existence will remain.____________________________________Miranda Materazzo is a freshman jour-­

nalism major who is endlessly curious.

Email her at mmatera1@ithaca.edu.

Image by Georgie Morley

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The Sagas of the StarsBy Kaley Belval

Delving into the narratives of constellations

For thousands of years, stars were a tool for storytellers. There were practical uses for constellations,

including telling time, creating cal-­endars and providing directions. Not only that, but the stars were utilized as a way for an audience to visualize characters and their i n t e r a c -­tions.

Ian Rid-­path has s t u d i e d stars for d e c a d e s . One of his books, Star

Tales, fo-­cuses on the mythol-­ogy sur-­r o u n d i n g conste l la-­tions.

One of the stories featured in Star Tales is that of Her-­acles, the Greek name for Hercu-­les. He was the son of Zeus, one of the most prominent mythologi-­cal heroes. Heracles accomplished twelve tasks in order to become free from the king of Mycenae, Eurys-­theus. The constellation devoted to Heracles displays him kneeling dur-­ing a battle.

While a lot of the stories featured were prominent in ancient Greece, they are not used in the same way across various cultures.

“I recently saw a presentation in Norway about the myths of the lo-­cal people,” Ridpath said. “Not sur-­prisingly, they envisioned a hunting scene with hunters tracking a giant reindeer. For others, the belt of Ori-­

myths were common in all societies,

as far as I am aware.”Stars were vital to many ancient

societies, helping create local legends and stories that were told for genera-­

that stars were more important than just to help cre-­ate times and dates, they have been the subject of much more extensive research as of late.

“The sky is a wilderness area like any such area on Earth,” Ridpath said. “It should be preserved by dark-­skies legislation, to prevent light pollution, and I think everyone should be able to recognize the main stars and planets, just as we try to recog-­nize birds, trees

Stars did not only have an appeal to an-­cient societies, but also to both medieval and Native Ameri-­can societies.

Michael A. Ryan, an associate pro-­fessor of history at the University of New Mexico, wrote A Kingdom of Star-­

gazers, a book examining history in the Middle Ages in relation to stars.

medieval kings, had a large interest in stars’ meanings and how they applied to their culture and religion.

“The stars hold an historic and uni-­versal appeal,” Ryan said. “Societies around the globe have always looked to the heavens for answers to all types of questions and people have relied upon the stars for medicine and mag-­ic, for navigation and divination, for creation and inspiration.”

According to Ryan, stars had a sig-­

in the time and how they affected the future generations of their individual cultures. In terms of religion, he said stars had a large effect on the medi-­eval cultural belief in divine creation.

“A hallmark of modernity is the sig-­-­

als who argue that the stars are to be studied rigorously, objectively and

-­vide between ‘science’ and ‘supersti-­tion’ is a false one that fails to take in historical nuances.”

Ray Williamson, author of Living

the Sky: The Cosmos of the American

Indian, has researched Native Ameri-­-­

ture and their reliance on the sun and moon. He wrote that the stars and planets were all important to Native American culture, but the moon and sun became the most prominent as-­pects.

“For the Pueblo people, their focus was the sun, and still is,” Williamson said. “At least the stories that were collected by anthropologists [and] folklorists in the late 1800s early 1900s into the sort of 1950s or so are mainly about the sun and about rit-­ual behavior, ceremonies and things like that that are related to the sun.”

The moon and sun are especially im-­portant to the Pueblo culture because religion cannot be distinguished from their individual lives. They are embed-­ded in daily rituals that have existed for generations of Native Americans.

“One of the reasons my book is titled Living the Sky is because it re-­

the Apaches, the Navajo and so forth all throughout the Southwest ... re-­

of the moon, sun and stars,” William-­son said.

The moon, sun and stars have had large cultural importance around the world. Even today, they determine how stories have been told and are passed along to future generations. ____________________________________Kaley Belval is a sophomore documen-­

tary studies major who likes the think

every star has a story, and a personal-­

ity. Email her at kbelval1@ithaca.edu.

Image by Jennifer Pike

23

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More Than A TelescopeBy Abby Sophir

Ithaca College’s Ford Observatory is a multi-faceted research tool

Wander behind the Terrace residence halls, continue 100 yards past the water

the Clinton B. Ford Observatory looking at the rings of Saturn.

Clinton B. Ford was an avid ama-­teur astronomer who joined the Ithaca College Board of Trustees in the 60s. When he died in 1992, he left money to the physics department explicitly for astronomy. Associate Professor of Phys-­ics Daniel Briotta, the only astronomer on faculty at the time, decided what the department needed most was an obser-­vatory.

“I thought we could use it for re-­search, we could use it for outreach, and we could bring our astronomy classes up there and let them actually see the things we’re talking about,” Briotta said.

Ford’s money was used to obtain a matching grant from the National Sci-­ence Foundation for the purchase of a telescope and other necessary equip-­ment. With support from the college, which donated land and labor for the project, the observatory was construct-­ed during the summer of 1998. “First

occurred in September. Ever since, the observatory has been used for research purposes and has provided students the opportunity for hands-­on learning.

Briotta uses the telescope to track the rotational curves of asteroids and study ‘contact binary stars,’ two stars orbiting around each other so closely they actu-­ally touch. He is currently working with

as imaging and photometry, cleaning the projector from dust spots, and align-­ing the mount and optics to achieve a sharper focus.

“I think that students get a real lot out of it. It’s hands on,” Briotta said. “You go up there, you have to stay up all night, you measure this thing, you have to wait for good weather which in Ithaca can be very frustrating, you take the day to go in the lab and say ‘Look at what hap-­pened here!’ You can actually see this stuff.”

Also working in the observatory, As-­sistant Professor of Physics Matthew Price and a couple of students are hop-­ing to install a radio telescope at the observatory. The radio telescope is es-­sentially a large satellite dish pointed toward the sky, but instead of picking up a TV signal it picks up on radio wave-­

lengths given out by objects in the sky.“It really is a telescope, just like the

ones that you think about looking through the eyepiece, w e ’ r e just looking at the u n i -­verse with a different set of eyes,” Price said. “It can see differ-­ently.”

Sophomore Ste-­fan Gurgurich be-­came interested in re-­search as a freshman when Briotta invited his students to meet at the observatory after class one day. By his second semester, Gur-­gurich was already researching optics with Briotta. This year he began working with professor Price.

“When a new professor starts a proj-­ect, you hear about it through the grapevine and you just kind of want to jump into it,” Gurgurich said.

Gurgurich is thinking of switch-­ing his major from engineering to physics and pursuing astrophysics post graduation. He attributes this change in heart to the research ef-­forts he has been a part of.

“Before I was more concerned about getting in a job right after

-­nancially stable,” Gurgurich said. “Since I’ve been doing research with professors, I’ve realized that I like doing that and I’d rather go to grad school and pursue academia for a while. It’s less about how much the job pays and more about knowing that I like the job.”

Although the college does not offer as-­tronomy majors or minors, many phys-­ics professors are actively involved in

not utilize the observatory directly, it is a tool that has excited students about studying space.

Associate Professor of Physics Beth El-­len Clark Joseph is the mission asteroid scientist for NASA’s OSIRIS-­REx mis-­sion, a spacecraft that will be launched in 2016 to rendezvous with an asteroid before returning to Earth in 2023. She is responsible for overseeing and integrat-­

different instruments on the spacecraft. The purpose of the research is to better understand the risks posed by aster-­oids.

“One of the mission goals is to un-­derstand what is the hazard potential of asteroids if they were on a collision

course,” Clark said. “For example, what are they made of, what would we have to do to mitigate the impacts.”

While such formidable research may be hard for some people to grasp, Briotta sees the observatory as a tool for shar-­ing the space experience with everyone. Once a month he opens the observatory up to the entire Ithaca community.

During these Open House nights he offers a free shuttle to and from

campus. “You want people to just look,” Briotta said. “As-­

tronomy is some-­thing you catch

from other peo-­ple.”

He said t h e p u b l i c n i g h t s t y p i c a l l y attract a few hundred

visitors but the profes-­sors agree that every-­

one, even non-­physics majors, should come

out.“ I think if you’ve

never seen the moon through a telescope, y o u ’ v e missed out on one of the greatest, coolest thing you’ll have happen in your life. Pure and simply,” Price said. “I think all the pictures in every book and on the internet of Saturn are fantastic and

-­tle tiny dot and this little shape of a ring through a telescope, it changes the way you look at the world.”

When deciding where to place the observatory Briotta had two options: a site out in Danby where the sky is dark and the view is clear or right on campus, where there is a lot of light from the city and college. He chose the latter in order to attract more visitors.

“It’s good for your soul. You should know what’s out there. You should know what the universe is like,” Briotta said. “I think, if you get a good sense of the size and the scale of the universe, you have a much better perspective on our little piece of it.”_______________________________________Abby Sophir is a junior TVR major who

thought the observatory was a space-­

ship. Email her at gsophir1@ithaca.edu.

Image by Alexis Lanza

BUZZSAW

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25

Upfront

   

A Star By Any

Other NameThe commercialization of space through the personalization of starsBy Jessica Corbett

When Robin Meyers, a friend of the Framarini family, died from cancer in the spring of 2007, the family purchased a star in her name. Sopho-

more Marissa Framarini’s father, Louis, said that in the past, -

Robin’s husband, James.

BUZZSAW

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Terry Herter, Chairman of the De-­partment of Astronomy at Cornell Uni-­versity, said that because there are so many catalogs, in many cases there are various catalog number assigned to in-­dividual stars. Herter said astronomers select catalogs based on what subject they are studying or what information they need. Astronomy students and professors at Cornell frequently use the Hipparcos Catalog, which has been around for almost two decades.

Johann Bayer introduced the earli-­est naming system in 1603, which was a star catalog that categorized stars by constellations and assigned Greek let-­ters to individual stars. Other popular catalogs include the New General Cat-­alogue, the Bright Star Catalogue and the Smithsonian Astrophysical Obser-­vatory. Even the star naming company Name a Star uses the Smithsonian As-­trophysical Observatory catalog when selling and assigning names to stars.

On June 30, 1988, the International Planetarium Society released a state-­ment about naming stars.

The statement said: “The star names recognized and used by scientists are those that have been published by as-­

-­tions. The International Astronomical Union, the worldwide federation of as-­tronomical societies, accepts and uses only those names. Such names are never sold.”

Like the IAU, the IPS warns potential star buyers: “Be aware that no one can buy immortality for anyone in the form of a star name.”

Because stars cannot be bought, sold or owned by anyone, the companies do not have any rights over what the star is named. Only the company that sells the star will recognize the star name. Usually the company will publish a booklet or online registry that lists ev-­ery purchased star name, which can be bought for an additional fee.

While some question if the practice of selling stars should even be legal, Rocky Mosele, vice president of mar-­keting and advertising at ISR, told Wired magazine in 2001: “We’ve been given a clean bill of health by the at-­

no problem with what we do; we’re not trying to mislead people.”

However, the ISR has threatened le-­gal action against critics in the past. As the Wired article noted, ISR threatened to sue a student at Ohio Wesleyan Uni-­versity in 2000 because the student was hosting a Web page criticizing the practice. The threat of a lawsuit caused

The Framarinis named Robin’s star through the International Star Regis-­try, one of many companies that charg-­es customers to name stars. While the informational pages on these company

community will not recognize names bought through these companies, some customers, like Framarini, do not realize that astronomers won’t ever use purchased star names.

Even though at the time he did not realize astronomers would never use the name, Framarini said he would have gone through the process either way because it made James happy.

“He called me up and was real thank-­ful,” Framarini said.

Mr. Meyers has since died, but he spent some time in his last few years gazing up at the stars.

“He was just happy when he looked up at the sky and he thought there was a star named after his wife,” Framarini said.

Naming a star after someone is often seen as a thoughtful gesture, but the practice has garnered criticism from many astronomers and the Interna-­tional Astronomical Union, the orga-­nization responsible for naming stars and other celestial bodies.

The IAU disassociates itself with companies that sell star names and describes it as a money-­making ploy in a Q&A section on its website:

Q: But if I want to, can I buy the name of a star anyway?

A: Sure, there are people who will be more than happy to take your money....

Q: Can you tell me who and where?-­

zation, not a branch of the entertain-­ment industry. We cannot distribute

-­tious goods.

Q: OK, I found a dealer myself; what will I get from them?

A: An expensive piece of paper and a temporary feeling of happiness, like if you take a cup of tea instead of the Doctor’s recommended medicine. But at least you do not risk getting sick by paying for a star name, only losing money.

Besides disapproval, the IAU also offers an explanation of the actual star nam-­ing process. Rather than being sold, star names are assigned based on interna-­tionally accepted rules. Other than a few ancient stars that have traditional names,

purposes stars are assigned catalog num-­bers.

the university to take down the page. On the ISR homepage, the com-­

customers range from celebrities to dignitaries to individuals worldwide. However, there is no mention that the

astronomers, which is one of the major critiques made by members of the sci-­

“Why, after the astronomy commu-­nity has been so nasty to us, should I do them any favors?” Mosele said to Wired. “They’re requesting some-­thing of me. Why should I do it based on their request after they’ve been so nasty? I don’t think our customers are confused.”

Curious about the controversy sur-­rounding the star naming process, sophomore David Owens recently pur-­chased a star through StarNamer.org.

-­lecting the least expensive package at $14.95. Owens entered his star name, dedication date, email address and credit card information; he then hit submit.

A box popped up on his computer screen, claiming the order had gone

would be emailed in the next ten min-­utes. Ten minutes passed. There was no email and no charge on his credit card. He repeated the process.

After two failed attempts, Owens called Star Namer to inquire about his order. The man on the phone said he had no way to verify if the order had gone through and suggested that Ow-­

the website. Instead, Owens waited a few hours and tried the process one last time.

This time it worked. Rather than a pop up window, he was directed to a

credit card was charged and he re-­

There is a column of six photos of outer space along the left side of his

name, dedication date and coordinates of his star in calligraphy font. How-­ever, when Owens typed his supposed star coordinates into three or four star maps online, he was unable to locate his star, which he named “The Star of David.”

“It was a very low price to have your name immortalized as a star,” Owens said. “I am very excited about this, de-­spite the fact that it’s not real.”

While Owens purchased his star -­

27

Upfront

munity would never use his name, many customers, like the Framarini family, are unaware the process isn’t

-­ing has led them to believe.

Owens said he found Star Namer to be misleading, since “there was no overt indication that it was not legiti-­mate.” His motivation for the purchase was simply curiosity. “I don’t see any sense in it. I’m paying for someone to

myself,” he said.Star Namer is a more recent version

of star naming companies that have been around since the late seventies. The ISR, which the Framarinis used, started selling star names in 1979. Star Kits start at $54, which includes a

dedication date and telescopic coordi-­nates, and a sky chart with the loca-­tion of the star circled in red. Deluxe and Ultimate kits include frames for the documents and cost over $100.

Name a Star, which has been operat-­ing since 1978, markets itself as “The original star naming service.” Name a Star offers both emailed PDF and

at around $30. In addition to the star packages, which can cost up to around $100, Name a Star publishes and pe-­riodically updates a list of all the stars ever named through the company.

Customers can purchase and down-­load the Name a Star PDF Record Book for $14.95.

Cort Vaughan, director of sales at Name a Star, described star naming as “a novelty gift business.”

In response to criticism from the

“We’re not upfront about the nature of our business … This is an honest com-­pany providing a fun product.”

The About Us and FAQ sections on the company website explain that while Name a Star uses real stars list-­ed in the Smithsonian catalog and only names each star once, there is nothing

don’t claim to be one,” Vaughan said. For customers who don’t read the

recognize purchased star names, Name a Star offers a money back guarantee, though Vaughan said refund requests are rare.

In the days before Internet the com-­pany advertised in magazines and ac-­cepted mail-­in orders. Now, many or-­ders are placed via telephone or online.

Vaughan said the company grew

of Internet commerce, but business

copycat sites because the idea of star

naming cannot be patented or trade-­marked. A simple Google search re-­veals dozens of sites from all over the world that offer star naming packages. While the Internet has increased com-­petition among the companies, the popularity of the practice doesn’t seem to be fading. However, neither does the controversy.

For Framarini, the price of nam-­ing a star in memory of Robin Mey-­ers was worth his friend’s happiness. While Name a Star and other star naming companies maintain that they are upfront with their customers, the commercial practice of star naming continues to receive criticism from the

Owens, who are familiar it. “The question is whether it’s better

for people to feel good about them-­selves or actually know the truth,” Owens said. “So it can feel really good to go buy a star for a lost loved one or something and think that they have this place in the universe forever, but in reality it’s probably better to realize the only thing you’re doing is lining the pockets of this website.” _____________________________________Jessica Corbett is a sophomore journal-­ism major who would name her star “Fluffy”. Email her at jcorbet2@ithaca.edu.

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MINISTRYofCOOL. M

INISTRYofC

OOL. MIN-

29

Ministry o

f Cool

Down to EarthRod Serling’s legacy at Ithaca and beyond By Carly Sitzer

I was giving a tour of the Park School to prospective students on one particularly crowded Mon-­

day in October when I found myself paused in front of the case displaying

-­

smiled with approval and the high

“He was the creator of The Twilight

the 70s and an esteemed member of

-­

-­

dropping — the feeling that can only

But none of them even knew the man

scare me away from the series for a

books but was constantly denied the

where he is the sole survivor the apoc-­

-­

-­ate to write The Twilight Zone in an is-­sue dedicated to outer space and the

lens into the world of the supernatu-­

***

before his death at 51 years old in

-­

-­sition on their list of the 50 Greatest

-­ence explained the reason these sto-­

is because of the power of the stories

“Serling was a master storyteller and no matter how fantastical his sto-­

themes that The Twilight Zone epi-­sodes address are very humanistic

Images from

C. Hadley Sm

ith Photograph Collection

BUZZSAW

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because they are still very relevant to-­

-­ity that united original fans of The Twilight Zone with the people who of

-­

-­

he was able to bring that out in ways

-­

in some different time or some differ-­

having an insight on what your own

In an autobiographical essay writ-­

TV writer is never trained to be a TV

-­

it was a willingness to think critically

“Most of what he talked about was about what he thought the responsi-­bility of the media was to make a dif-­

-­ed really about the technical aspects

was a writer and he taught us mostly about that—how to tell a story and

“The strength of the stories them-­

effects or the color especially because

-­-­

about parts of your life and how you look at things and getting you to think about every day things but in a differ-­

Beyond the strengths of the stories

-­gest skills that he used in telling sto-­ries was creating characters that were

may not be “traveling through anoth-­

he constantly portrayed characters

an unusual circumstance; they were characters that made it easy for char-­

-­

“I am a big fan of ‘The Obsolete

-­telling legacy was his ability to use

-­plained that Serling was the “master

to express the values in the stories he wanted to tell and the morals he

people and then still change the story at the very end and force everyone to go back and look at the whole story

I think a lot of writers would love to

you have really accomplished some-­

Despite these innovative contribu-­tions that are celebrated at Ithaca

-­

that Orgel said knew the students

whose boundaries are that of imagi-­

a reality by taking risks and address-­ing these ethical issues and telling the stories that most people at the time

-­

an old photo of him in an old black and white camera in a studio and I

____________________________________Carly Sitzer is a senior journalism ma-­jor who feels like she’s stepping into the twilight zone whenever she steps outside the BuzzCave. Email her at csitzer1@ithaca.edu.

Images from C. Hadley Smith Photograph Collection

31

Ministry o

f Cool

I t is human nature to fear the

the familiar and often harbor

change comes an overflow of new

to change; I believe the Star Wars

Lucasfilms is the production company responsible for the entire Star Wars

to produce any and all Star Wars

action figures and movies from here

as creative consultant on the next

Disney now owns and controls all of the technologies previously

subsidiaries: Industrial Light and

Star Wars on to

a new

Switching Over to the Dark SideBy Jared Corwin

Lucas wrote in a press release explaining his decision to sell

Star Warsthought it was important to set up

earned its reputation as the producers of visually stunning

the fantasy genre that makes this

market the franchise too much as

Star Wars shares some archetypal aspects

does not share the same elements

So what does this mean for the future of Star Wars? Is Princess Leia now a Disney princess?

on Playhouse Disney? So many

of Hyperspace

young Jedi and their parents would be wise to have their cameras

Star Wars is a

is trying to appeal the Star Wars franchise to younger and more

LucasFilms has been marketing the film series to kids since the release

George Lucas has resigned much

meaning the future of the series

Winnie the Pooh and The Chronicles of Narnia Star Wars

Many argue that they are not

George Lucas has been over-­commercializing his franchise from

forget the 1978 made-­for-­television

about the future of Star Wars there

produce and release the new Avengers movie without overly

but we can only hope that producer Kathleen Kennedy will maintain the same intergalactic charm carried

__________________________________Jared Corwin is a junior TVR major who has attended 14 conventions in his lifetime. Email him at jcorwin1@ithaca.edu.

Image by Clara Goldman

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Tmassive conglomeration

also the inspiration for the latest

can give nearly anything a fresh

have been ove r f l ow ing w i t h

g a l a c t i c clothing and a c c e s s o r i e s — from bras and leggings to

necklaces and earrings are also becoming more

bags and even phone

clothing does one match with items that

been dipped in a vat of outer space?

In order to make your wearable

very simple colors so your outfit

Finding things to wear with galaxy-­printed shoes —

whether Jeffery

heels or a comfy

pair of Vans —

can be a little

matching the shoes with dark skinny

button-­up pastel

sport some high-­waisted shorts

with a flowy top that matches one

of the colors in the galactic

style is a bit

try wearing the high-­

waisted shorts with a band shirt tucked

For a fancier outfit that

texturizing by wearing a black velvet dress with

— it is the one color that is guaranteed to make the

The galaxy can be right

you have patience and the

In order to create the

of two dark colors (black and deep

accent colors and use the sponge to

Looking for a way to add stars

any of your photos somehow makes

can become much more of an eye-­

notice that if the galaxy effect is

So why has this trend exploded like a supernova? By soaking vintage-­styled clothing in spacey

or accessories gives that person a

Fashion usually imitates seasons

out of scenery on our own planet to

print has the ability to awaken

__________________________________Robyn Schmitz is a sophomore journalism major whose fashion inspiration

. Email her at rschmit1@ithaca.edu

Black Hole is the New BlackA guide to styling intergalactic fashionBy Robyn Schmitz

Image by Georgie Morley

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Ministry o

f Cool

Welcome to the Jam ... AgainBy Kristen Tomkowid

BIt captivated minds and led kids

action came together again on the big

masterpiece that will be forever etched

Space Jam

The wacky adventure of Loony Tunes characters battling aliens on the basketball court in order to win their freedom was a winning plot that has yet to

charm of the original-­-­ who would

iconic shoes? How about LeBron

James? In a twitter

he loved the Space Jam movie so much that he wished he could star

But it appears his dreams

now there has been no talk of

“90s kids offered their opinions on the possibility of another Space Jam

thing was clear: the Michael Jordan

Brees could lead the Looney Tunes on a hardcore adventure against the

a strong lead still would not guarantee

far worse than the original is the Pixar movie CarsTomatoes the critics gave the original a

Ocean’sTomatoes critics gave Ocean’s Eleven an while it only gave Ocean’s Twelve

Ocean’s T h i r t e e n

received a 70 from t h e s e

T h e s e examples

show that r e ga r d l e s s

of how strong the cast is or

only thing that really

without a new and

there are far too many movies in the world to

worthy concept can be altered until it

Space Jamconcept and would have a large

need to be sorted out for it to be a

same plot with different actors and

of a long list of things that should

____________________________________Kristen Tomkowid is a sophomore journalism major who never writes an article without her lucky gym shorts. Email her at ktomkow1@ithaca.edu.

“”“

“one. I would be all for it I guess. I would just hope that they would pick someone as

likeable as Michael Jordan.”

- AJ Stas, Vassar College sophomore

“I would be down to see it! I think it could be good! Nothing is better than the original

though.” - Parker Simoni, SUNY Cortland sophomore

“I want Jordan and Shaq back for that. LeBron could be the evil guy. That would be

fun.” - Hannes Lattacher, Karl-Franzens-

Universitat Graz alum

Image by Karen

Rich

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RAW FROM THE

SAW

The Casual Vacancy

Book Review

There is a common trope in the music industry in which a young pop starlet decides

dressing provocatively with the hopes of aging

her means of asserting her place amongst the The Casual

Vacancy

the wizards and witches of the Harry Potter

essence of each character down to his or her

is drowning in darkness to the extent that it

It goes without saying that this woman can

one of the greatest fantasy book series since

no less) is bound to be riddled with some

winning moments of Vacancy

clever linkage of characters and plot lines that

for city council care little for anyone but

no character is wholly good throughout

no point was I able to identify with any of

abuse suffered by many of the young people

break away from the Harry Potter franchise and establish herself as a complex adult

The Casual Vacancy simply tries too

could span thousands of novels individually– trying to capture all of them in one text

is unable to anchor the novel in the sea of

-­ Jenni Zellner

35

Ministry o

f Cool

One Direction

Movie Review

Album Review

most beautiful and sincere relationship that

adorable British boys can have: I drunkenly beg them via Twitter to come over and drink

Take Me Home

Take Me Home is a continuation Up All Night

crushing pop music of the highest caliber; the

dancing naked to in front of your open window as people stumble by on their way home from

song with another guitar riff that sounds like Grease

house last week to laugh at the One Direction

CLUELESS

have to use a shoehorn to put on my pants-­ I

If I had to make a real assessment of this

their heavy hitting pop singles in the beginning and their boring mid-­tempo songs at the

constructed pop music at its most perfectly

and fun and happiness and abusively one-­

-­ Brennin Cummings

of Killing Them Softly. In 97 solid minutes of

off a mob-­funded poker game and the pursuit of

The Assassination of Jesse James by The Coward Robert Ford

of post-­Katrina New Orleans as an anchor to an open condemnation of the corruption and

see violence exhibited so repulsively and intensely

Featuring effective performances across the

employed as a tool to drive the theme harder into

Killing Them Softly is beyond debate-­-­ but both should be admired

-­ Robert S. Hummel

Killing Them Softly

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LovesickBy Anonymous

When I started my drive to the hospital to visit my

out of the elevator and began my trek

grabbing hold of her hand and taking

use this hospital visit as an excuse

grandma was silent as I spat out

perfectly content doing this for the

The knock on the doorframe gave

see who was knocking and was taken

saying goodbye to another or visiting

I felt as if I could really trust

was so hard for me to see her in these

for a matter of hours knew more about

goodbye and watched as they rolled

whispering something undoubtedly

could a guy ask for?I scooped him up and brought him

on the bed and crawling on top of

hospital

without ever letting me return the

on the bed as he rose up and planted

Though most would frown on my experience as a promiscuous one-­

Klyde saw me through full emotional

37

Pro

se & Cons

PROSE&CONS. P

ROSE&

CONS. PROSE&CONS. PROSE

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what’s coming up next, I’m blanking. The thick paint of

-

nest in the branches. All that was left.

-

howls.

rubber sole hanging off of the base.

-

A Farewell to Arms

-

-

-

-

-

ing of ghosts like me. Thinking of nothing at all.

mouth. Three in the morning. I sat there in front of

-

Headland

39

Pro

se & Cons

of creation.

-

-

thing speaks to me in the strawlike patches of grass, the

-

The tree burns out, a thin smoke rising. It is

Bon Appetite

-

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Swimming or Drowning

I

But when spoken in water

II

We can’t climb.

41

Sawdust

SAWDUST. S

AW

DUST. SAWDUST

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Disgruntled Republican is Pluto-BoundWhen Canada isn’t far enoughBy Rachael Lewis-Krisky

The following is a transcript of an audio tape recording made by Mitt Willard, a Minnesotan

poultry farmer. Willard was an avid supporter of Governor Mitt Romney in the presidential race. The fence surrounding his farm was littered with Romney Ryan 2012 signs and homemade posters reading “Obama Supporters Not Welcome.” It was rumored he even sent Romney and Ryan four live chickens each month to show his support. Willard gained some national attention in June, threatening to escape to space if President Obama was re-­elected. He claimed he would build a spaceship and leave before the President even read his morning paper after Election Day. Police checked in on Willard when reports of strange noises and odd lights

the same time that major

President Obama’s win. When police arrived on the scene, all of the Romney Ryan signs were gone from Mitt’s property. Discovered on November 7, 2012, this tape was found in his house in a silver-­plated time capsule marked “In Case of Apocalypse.”

Williard: Hello survivors of the future! Or … well I guess hello from the past. This will surely be the only r e c o r d i n g f o u n d

predicting the fate of our world. Dumb liberals are cheering

in the streets for that evil man. HE IS THE ANTICHRIST! But of course they don’t know that … no one knows that.

My countdown has begun, T-­minus 58 minutes until take off. I can’t stay here on Earth.

Not even the moon would be far enough away from Obama. I hate to even say his name. I’m heading for Pluto

— hopefully, if my little old Double-­R can make it that

far. She’s gonna push it. Oh, right. Double-­R is my girl. She’s made of the strongest barn wood and most blessed political signs of our day. Yeah. This rocket will take me far.

Since Pluto was removed from the list of planets, I’m guessing t h e r e ’ s s o m e t h i n g there that our government doesn’t want us to know about. It’s also the last place that

t h e y ’ r e going to

l o o k for

the truth. It is only I, the namesake of Romney, who knows the real truth. I’ll be the only one to get away before

I’m ready for it! Let them come!

At this point Willard stepped away from the tape. He walked away shouting, “They have nothing on me!” and “I’ll out run everyone!” For the next 45 minutes sounds of drilling, hammering and buzzing on wood and metal could be heard in the background. Then a loud emergency alarm went off. Willard returned to the tape player.

Williard: It’s time. To all who have managed to live since November 7, 2012, I praise your courage. After I left, the police surely came for me. Not to see where I went, but to stop me from going. I know they knew my plans. I’m the only one that knew the

public won’t understand. Not yet. That’s why you, the survivors, need to know; you are not alone.

After my stop to Pluto, I’ll head to other galaxies. Who knows what will happen. But for those conservatives that don’t fall to the Antichrist’s Army, you will see me once again. Romney/Ryan barn rocket and all.

An alarm goes off in the background. An automated countdown begins. 60 – 59 – 58 – 57 …

Williard: Well, here is goes!

End transcript. Willard was never found. But then again, police never looked much for him.____________________________________Rachael Lewis-­Kristy is a junior documentary studies and production major who would’ve done the same thing if there was a Romney win. Email her at rlewisk1@ithaca.edu.

Image by David Lurvey

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Sawdust

Moon Newt?By Miranda Materazzo

NASA Explores Myspace for Signs of LifeBy Rachel Maus

At a press release in October, Newt Gingrich announced he would be campaigning to

become the moon’s 86th president. However, this story was not found in most major newspapers because no one took Newt seriously, despite his comments months earlier about colonizing the moon. Just a few days later, on the advice of his new campaign manager Giorgio Tsoukalos, an expert on the History Channel show “Ancient Aliens,” Gingrich actually left for the moon.

He survived the 240,000 mile journey through space, where temperatures can reach 300 degrees below zero, due to the massive stores of hot air and fat in and around his head. When he arrived on the moon and saw that it had already been colonized (and not by those pesky Soviets as he had imagined), he realized he had to change his rallying

cry. The people of the moon have tie-­

dye colored skin, with men sporting

and women have unkempt hair and typically don’t wear shoes. Lunar people speak in a foreign language that is oddly peppered with the “surfer talk” dialogue of southern California. The main export of the moon’s one nation is cheese, and immigrants from Venus make up a large percent of the population.

At the time Newt arrived on the moon, a Lunar presidential election was taking place similar to our own. Two other native Lunar candidates were already in an intense, nearly dead-­heat race. Determined to turn the moon into a more militarized and conservative place, Newt immediately joined the presidential race. Along with his old platform, Newt began spreading his ideas about colonizing

Mars. His platform was not popular with the lunar people because they only recently signed a peace agreement with the Martians. Despite the close numbers, the two native lunar candidates remained close friends, and were often spotted walking around the capital holding hands. Newt was particularly unpopular with Lunar women, who have two uteri and are therefore twice as pro-­choice. Newt promptly withdrew from the Lunar election and returned to Earth after his campaign manager simply told him, “Aliens!”

He and his new wife, the only conservative woman on the moon, will be heading back to space in 2020 to run as a team for president and vice-­president of Venus.____________________________________Miranda Materazzo is a a freshman journalism major who voted Nader. Email her at mmatera1@ithaca.edu.

Questions have been circulating since the announcement that funding to NASA would

years. According to a source, NASA has spent countless taxpayer dollars searching for life on the once popular social networking website, MySpace.

For those of you who don’t remember, MySpace, once thought to be only a fabled internet land that preceded

have held life. After the Zuckerberg Invasion of 2004, however, it was clear that all life had been terminated with one swift “poke.”

Since the invasion, NASA has been adamant on proving that there may still be hope for MySpace. So adamant, it seems, that they were willing to spend millions of dollars to send a rover nicknamed “Tom 2.0” into cyberland. So far, it has turned up nothing but the shadows of a man in a white shirt, a band called “Ballz to the Wallz” and Justin Timberlake.

Due to pressure from conservative politicians, the Obama administration has announced that funding for NASA will be cut due to the low number of developments made in the last seven years. This act does prompt questions as to why it was allowed to carry on for so long.

“Perhaps instead of wasting money searching the remnants of a teenager’s old bulletin messages, we should be have spent that money on something important, like returning to the moon,” former GOP candidate Newt Gingrich said in a statement, citing Obamacare as a reason for why life has not been found on the social network.

Unfortunately for the Obama administration, time has run out. Sources say in the seven years that the probe has been searching, it still has not yielded any new discoveries, save for a few eighth graders and their “bands.” This alone is not enough to justify pumping money into the

program, and as the deadline draws close, it seems unlikely that NASA will

soon.“Please, give us something to do.

Anything,” Richard Foster, a NASA researcher, said.

Several sources have pointed to the site’s creator, known only as “Tom” for an answer. Numerous attempts to contact this “Tom” have been unsuccessful. Though we were able to contact a man claiming to be Tom, once we viewed the bulletin containing just a picture of a man’s genitals and the caption “How’s this for your top 8,” we determined the claim was fraudulent.

It is rumored that the real Tom has been hiding out for the past eight years on Friendster.____________________________________Rachel Maus is a sophomore cinema and photography major who was NEVER friends with Tom. Email her at rmaus1@ithaca.edu.

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A Elementary School went awry last Monday when fourth

grade teacher Ms.Valerie Frizzle led her class on a suicide/homicide mission. With the entire class and her pet lizard Liz aboard, Frizzle drove a Walkerville school bus straight off a

nearby dump. According to a Post-­It note she left on her desk, Frizzle was intending to drive them to the sun as a punishment for their recent bad behavior. The note read: “The Magic School Bus takes outer-­space: what h a p p e n s when the darlings need a lesson on etiquette!”

For years, Frizzle’s class has written their

known as “The Magic School Bus.” They based it off the wild lessons Ms. Frizzle teaches them, creating wacky adventures and stories to make learning fun. In their animated television show, Frizzle leads the class on seemingly impossible travels to outer space, the ocean and to the insides of plants and animals, on a transformable and anthropomorphic

because she likes to conduct her lessons as if the class were actually at the location of the subject she’s discussing.

Based on Frizzle’s note written prior to the incident, it appears that she actually believed they actually had a “magic” school bus that could go anywhere, including an unsuccessful

bus was burned up from the blazing intensity of the dump’s tire-­pit.

Luckily for investigators, assorted debris was located from the accident, including the bus’ black box. Along

the cold-­blooded elementary school teacher’s maniacal laughter, the

lizard’s hissing and children’s screams were the only sounds to be heard prior to combustion. One student, Tim Jamal, could be heard toward the end of recording, shouting his catchphrase, “we were frizzled!” Student Phoebe Terese was heard at the end of the recording, yelling, “None of this would have happened at my old school!” Before the children

realized Frizzle’s awful intentions, they

appeared to be completely

oblivious. Students Keesha

Franklin, Carlos Ramon and Wanda Li were heard discussing their future afternoon plans. While they each expressed their excitement to attend their respective diversity clubs later in the day, they also appeared to be excited for next week’s lesson, which was scheduled to be about childbirth.

Police investigators are still wondering what it was that drove Frizzle over the edge. Fellow teacher Mr. Nigel Ratburn told reporters Valerie Frizzle had been acting extremely strange in the days leading up to the tragedy.

“She was talking in the faculty lounge the other day about how her students were getting on her nerves, and how she wanted to just drive them to the sun and leave them there,” he said. “I didn’t think she seriously thought that was possible!”

Colleague Mrs. Poppy Puff was also questioned. She mentioned that Frizzle had been acting erratic.

Eight Students Dead in “Magic” Bus CrashBy Lizzy Rosenberg

“After Ralphie spilled glue on the carpet, I overheard her saying that her anger was burning w i t h the intensity of a thousand suns, but I took that as a mere expression!” she said. “I thought her projects and stories were products of good fun and innovation.”

Student Arnold Perlstein was also

He solemnly replied, “I’m so glad I stayed home today!”

According to Perlstein, some of Frizzle’s lessons were somewhat

terrifying. It was clear Frizzle actually believed in the

embellished stories she would tell her class. He said that it was a daily

struggle to get to school, constantly fearing a tragedy like this might happen.

“I always knew she

was a little off of her rocker,”

Perlstein said. “I knew

something like this would happen. I wasn’t just being paranoid!”

This case is under investigation, and a medical history of Valerie Frizzle is still being located. Based on the circumstances of the event and testimonies of other Walkerville citizens, investigators have reason to believe that Valerie Frizzle may have been a raging psychopath and

children for as long as she did. ____________________________________Lizzy Rosenberg is a freshman CMD major who prefers Bill Nye the Science Guy. Email her at erosenb3@ithaca.edu.

Image by Erika Feldman

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Sawdust

By Chris Thomas

The Mars Rover Diaries

Day 1:I made it! Oh my goodness gracious,

this is so very exciting. I’d like to thank all the scientists that created me and helped me through this ordeal; without them I wouldn’t be here — literally. I’d also like to thank Houston, who has always been there whenever I’ve had any problems.

launched, and let me tell you I was quite cramped. I really needed a bathroom break! But now I’m here.

I miss my friends a little, like the Head Scientist’s car, or the blender in the staff break room. But I don’t mind leaving them because I’ll be home soon enough to share with them all my adventures. Besides, this is what I was made for! This is my destiny. I have to go explore and get settled in so I’ll write more later. Curiosity out!

Day 8: It’s been a week and I cannot

express how much fun I’m having here. I’ve been searching nonstop for

crossed, water. However, I haven’t been successful yet. I do hope I’m not upsetting the folks back home. I know they’re counting on me. I saw how the humans live and how wasteful they

years until the whole planet collapses under the trash.

With the exception of the excessive red dirt everywhere, it’s pretty clean here. Based on my

advanced robotic intellect, I’d predict that this planet is 86.67465% cleaner than my old one. But I’m wasting time. NASA needs me! Curiosity out!

Day 15:

dirt, oh wait that’s everywhere! Haha!

I remain hopeful! In science we trust!

Day 20: Found a rock.

Day 31: Found another rock.

Day 39:

rocks.

Day 45: I’m getting sick of these rocks.

Day 53: I’m cold. So very cold.

Day 56: Not going to lie, I’m getting annoyed.

I just found a way to hack into the news networks back home and NO ONE IS PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO ME! It

was just Obama this, Romney that, like I don’t even exist! Even the scientists rarely talk to me. Okay,

I admit it, I still haven’t found anything great, but there’s so much planet to explore! I wish they’d

believe in me. I want to go home…

Day 64: I still haven’t seen anything remotely alive, and I feel so alone. My free

what am I supposed to do?

Day 100:

time and I’m analyzing them. I’m not

take samples, but I’m not going to complain.

Day 280: I lost my diary for 180 days. I lost

my way when I went too far south from the landing site, and there weren’t any landmarks to keep track of my location, so it took a long time

never guess what I found! DIRT.

Day 290: I was just watching the news, and

I found out that NASA is sending a rover to Mercury now. Maybe this is a good thing, I mean, now that there will be two of us, Earth will pay more attention to us! It’s not like he’s my replacement… Right?

Day 300: I just got grave news. I’m not going

back. They never expected me to go back even, it was all just a horrible trick. The Mercury Rover is getting all their funds. I’m just… abandoned. THEY’RE LEAVING ME HERE TO DIE! But, you know what, who cares about

planet. I’m going to go live with the space monkeys. I’m sure they’re here somewhere, abandoned, just like me.

Oh, by the way I found ice yesterday, but I didn’t tell anyone. Take that, humans.

For the last time, Curiosity out._________________________________Chris Thomas is a freshman television radio and audio production major who thinks Mars needs more Roombas. Email him at cthomas5@ithaca.edu.

Image by Karen Rich

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By Spencer Pereira

After months of speculation, it is apparent that aliens are succeeding in their sinister

plot to conquer America, The Great-­est Nation on Earth. A spokes-­man for the Alien Defense Agen-­cy (ADA) claims several million aliens from the planet Theanus have successfully beguiled im-­

wreaking havoc all over the coun-­try.

The vermin are dropping an-­chor babies across the United States, with claims to in-­alienable rights to citizenship. Alien anchor babies, scheming little brats born of extra-­terrestrial parents seeking to leverage their child’s citizenship for per-­sonal gain, have been spot-­ted crawling around urban areas squealing in various pitches to summon their slimy parents. Residents are now feel-­ing the effects of their presence as the blatant hijacking of American jobs and tax dollars continues.

“These damned extraterrestrials want one thing and one thing only … our jobs!” Dexter Blinks, a Texas resident said.

-­ples’ fears the aliens’ excessive ambition now stands in the way of working-­class citizens. In this economy, the line of recent college graduates looking to put their freshly printed political science di-­plomas to work at their local Burger King has no end. Even get-­ting into college now proves an ardu-­ous task as the aliens look to rob us of our education as well.

After her recent arrest for driving

at Countryside Community College, parent Sally Perkins commented:

“My boy applied to one school with a 2.5 GPA and very high ACT score of 19, and didn’t get in. This is outra-­geous. I know these extraterrestrial folk is the reason why. But they can’t even speak English!”

Now even global warming joins

the long list of proven side effects from the foreign invasion. The aliens’ new discovery of our hu-­man technology and experimen-­tal use of cars has sent vast

amounts of CO2 into the atmosphere, kill-­ing thousands of inno-­

-­ing the lungs of children with harmful toxins.

As if taking our jobs, our e d u c a t i o n

a n d con-­

tami-­n a t -­

i n g our atmo-­sphere didn’t

brazen bums jump at any chance they get to

remind us of their pendulum-­like boot constantly striking our balls. It’s every-­where: the shim-­mering sign reading Bishmano (alien

for “bathroom”), or the radio

s t a t i o n spewing out ir-­ritating

a l i e n pop music —

inescapable s i g n s they are taking

over. It’s even driving some people insane.

“You can’t even watch T.V. in our language anymore. What’s next, our porn? Two words: learn American. It’s not that hard. I did it,” said Bob Bushwhacker, a re-­cently unemployed construction worker from Los Angeles. “Every time you go out in public it’s like a little alien sits perched on your shoulder, const18thantly whis-­pering: Hey, hey you. Sorry your planet is ruined, but we’re in this

together now pal, you and me. Except the damn threat isn’t even in English!”

Much like Arizona law SB 1070, U.S. lawmakers are considering drafting a bill that would require new aliens and their anchor babies to carry citizenship documentation at all times or risk im-­mediate deportation from the planet. More and more stringent action like this will work well to wipe away the perva-­

“Round ‘em up and give ‘em the boot!” cried hundreds of supporters at a Young Americans for a Better Future rally last week. The “round-­and-­boot” method seeks to put hun-­

dreds of ex-­cowboys back to work as they tour farms all over the nation, las-­soing aliens and guiding them toward Kennedy Space Station in Houston, Texas. The pack would then board the newly built “Savior Shuttle” for a one-­way trip back to their third-­world home-­stead.

Former presidential candidate Mitt Romney prefers the self-­deportation method for the new alien minority. Romney hopes aliens will one day take it upon themselves to pack up, remove their baby anchors and travel home in

-­cers.

“This plan uses the least amount of taxpayer dollars and proves the most practical compared to other methods,” said self-­deportation activist Terrance Johnson. If the moral revelation doesn’t surface naturally, incentives can cer-­tainly be provided. With no jobs, no money and a realization the “American dream” is only for Americans, the aliens will see the same familiar, hopeless out-­look they experienced in their home-­land.

Once these vagrants leave, the results

jobs in fast food, construction and ag-­riculture opening back up, Americans will be able to return to their low-­paying and menial, yet honest jobs. And if they don’t leave, aliens will soon learn that adopting the American dream comes with a broken economy, a struggling job market and eventual obesity. ______________________________________Spencer Pereira is a freshman IMC major who refuses to press 1 for English. Emailhim at spereir1@ithaca.edu.

Alien Anchor Babies Plague America

Image by David Lurvey

47

Sawdust

?Buzzsaw Asks Why...

we haven’t sold IC

to Cornell yetBy Karen MullerHoroscopesSAGITTARIUS

November 22nd - December 21st

Your diet will take an interesting twist this month when you discover the vegan burgers you’ve grown to love are made

CAPRICORNDecember 22nd - January 19th A bloated Jupiter is in the third house, meaning that your friends and family will

hoarding problem you’ve struggled with for years.

AQUARIUSJanuary 20th - February 18th

Hey Aquarius, ever fancied yourself a TV star? Perfect! Mars is passing into retro-grade, meaning that within the month, you’ll become nationally famous as the subject of a 48 Hours Mystery.

PISCESFebruary 19th - March 20th

Your children will witness a morbidly obese, bearded man breaking into your house around the 25th of the month, but the police will never believe you.

ARIESMarch 21st - April 19th

All the world’s a stage — and you, Aries, were always destined to work in props.

TaurusApril 20th - May 20th A pretentious Mercury takes its toll. You’ll soon develop a disturbing obses-sion with semicolons; they make you feel fancy.

GEMINIMay 21st - June 20th

You’ll have a life-changing epiphany this month when you realize that anything that can’t be done from the comfort of a Snuggie isn’t worth doing at all.

CANCERJune 21st - July 20th

It’s been said that when one door closes,

that this rule does not apply to jail cells.

LeoJuly 21st - August 22nd

-nally giving you the courage to grow that mullet you’ve been wanting for years.

VIRGOAugust 23rd - September 22nd

You’ll be a huge hit at the ugly Christmas sweater parties this season, which makes sense, since you’ve been practicing for an awfully long time.

LIBRASeptember 23rd - October 22nd Brace yourself, Libra. It’s the end of the world as we know it, but as it turns out

stuff to make you feel better.

SCORPIOOctober 23rd - November 21st

According to a hormonal Venus, things will really get hot and heavy for you this month, due to an unexpected December heat wave and the onset of a terrible glandular problem. ______________________________Karen Muller is a junior IMC major who is a

feisty Taurus but DO NOT put her in a room

with an Aries. Email her at kmuller1@

ithaca.edu.

Image by Anika Steppe

In President Rochon’s last blog post, he spoke of “serious” concerns for coming

years at Ithaca College. Rising tuition and increasing online university competition have left IC crawling toward success. The Board of Trustees has been work-ing fervently alongside President Rochon to move our campus in a more corporate direction. In fact, this month, Huron Edu-

campus conducting an Effectiveness and Af-fordability Review (yes, style). So before the president reveals his plan, Buzzsaw would like to offer our suggestion. In order to ensure that students want to attend our school, that the education is worth more than $50,000 and that our students are ready to do more than go bankrupt, we need to sell out. With an Ivy League institution right next door that boasts a formidable reputation, there’s no reason for us to stand on our own any lon-ger. Here’s what we can offer to Cornell:-WAY better view of the lake-BRAND NEW, $500 billion, barely used Athletic & Events Center that can do al-most anything but hold concerts, basketball games, or most other special events and sports. But, it lights up!-Beautiful fountains that work on average of three days a year (and also light up!)-Mascot is so ambiguous that it could be easily absorbed into a Big Red Bomber.-Reigning champions of the world-re-nowned Cortaca Jug, despite a recent three-year stint of losses.-La Vincita Café: an ingeniously authentic Italian eatery whose menu consists of items

-fast paninis. -Only business school in the entire galaxy

sure what that means, but maybe you can

-Though Cornell students may be smart-er, IC students are more attractive. God doesn’t give with both hands, so now is our chance to merge and create the perfect balance of diversity on one campus.We agree with Rochon in that, “If we re-spond to these challenges with vision and determination, however, we have an oppor-tunity to create an Ithaca College that is

and more respected than ever.” IT’S TIME FOR A BAIL OUT.

BUZZSAW

: The G

alaxy Issue

48