The Family Renewed

Through the eyes of an observant daughter

Lydia Billatos

Biblical Commandments For Husband and Wife

My blessed son, may the grace of the Holy Spirit strengthen you to take unto yourself your wife, in purity of heart and in sincerity.  Do all that is good for her.  Have compassion on her and always hasten to do that which will gladden her heart.  Take care of her as her parents did in love and in humility remembering that you have been crowned with heavenly crowns and confirmed by the grace of God.  Remember that if you fulfill the divine commandments which urge you to look after your wife, the Lord will bless you in all you do, because His blessing is enjoyed by those who live in harmony:  He will grant you blessed children and a long peaceful life; He will bless you in this life and the hereafter

Biblical Commandments For Husband and Wife

And you, blessed daughter, and happy bride, you have heard what was commanded of your husband. So you must honor and respect him, do not disagree with him but increase your obedience to him over what was commanded many times.  For you are now alone with him and he is responsible for you instead of your parents. So you must receive him with joy and cheer, do not frown in his face, observe all your obligations to him, and fear God in all you do.  Because God the most high instructed you to submit to him and commanded you to obey him as you obey your parents.  So obey him as our mother Sarah was obedient to our father Abraham, and used to address him “my lord.”  Thus God looked upon her obedience to him, blessed her, gave her Isaac in her old age, and made her offspring as the stars of heaven and the sand on the sea shore.  So if you observed what we instructed you to do, and followed all commandments, the Lord will support you and provide for your livelihood, the blessings will descend upon your house, and He will grant you blessed children who will fill your heart with joy.

Ideal Interaction between Husband and Wife

Realistic Interaction Between Husband and wife

Renewal

The variance between the realistic and the ideal situations for the husband and wife should be minimal.

Renewal: What I saw between mom and dad

Love

1. Love is the strongest tie and the heart of marital life. Love is marriage and marriage is love and those who cannot love cannot keep a marriage for “Love never fails” (I Corinthians 13:8). So, true love never fails and never ends. It starts here through the bond of marriage on earth, passes to the new generations (children) and lasts eternally up in heaven.

Love

2. Endless care. He who loves can continually and abundantly give, care, help, serve and melt like a candle for his wife, any time and at all times for “Love suffers long and is kind; …bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (I Corinthians 13:4-7). If the husband and wife are truly one, as the Holy Spirit unites them into one flesh, how could the husband leave his wife if she gets sick, tired or goes through some hard time. Can you imagine that half of your body would want to leave the other half if it is sick or tired? Would your body be one flesh again

Love

3. Love is not just a relationship. A husband who is full of love will NEVER think that marriage is just a relationship between two people that could end at any time and for any reason. The loving husband should understand the Bible’s teaching about his wife, that she is a bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh (Genesis 2:23). She is his body and they are both one flesh, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, see also Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7, and Ephesians 5:31).

 

Love

4. Love is a lifetime relationship. A loving husband should understand that marriage is a lifetime union “they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). So, if the husband and wife are one, is it possible that one half would be happy and the other half is sad? If the wife is sad, find out why…do your best to gladden her heart, lift up her burden of sorrow and cheer her up in every way possible.  It is not that difficult for God who established this law will help you achieve it.  

Love

5. Love is not fun and entertainment. Believing that marriage is just fun and entertainment is against the principles of Christianity and would definitely degrade the real meaning of love. Christianity teaches the true meaning of love and commitment. Those who try to ignore their Christianity, lose that meaning and that true love. Although some people may not believe in this and only seek fun and pleasure, true Christian love and commitment should be the cornerstone. You should not even dream of anyone other than your wife. Sincerity in marriage doesn’t only mean not committing adultery but it also means the warning that the Lord has given us, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

Love

6. Love is feelings and words. If you love your wife, show your feelings and tell her that you love her TODAY not tomorrow because tomorrow may never come. If you don’t show your feelings, who will? And if you don’t tell her that you love her, who will? We are human beings and words affect our emotions and our feelings. Don’t let someone else do it for you for no one can or should. So, it is not enough to show your feelings but you should also express them verbally.

Love

7. Love is a mutual respect. A loving husband would always respect his wife at all times, in her presence and beyond. Respect is not just chosen words before people, but deep feelings that she is your “sweet” half, without whom you are truly “sour”. You should feel that your wife is the blossomed flower in your life. She is the one who makes you smile when the world cries, makes you laugh when trouble comes, makes you strong when life weakens and makes you saint when temptation arises. When you respect your wife, you are actually respecting yourself and live respectfully at all times, not only in the presence of others. When you respect your wife, you also fulfill the following Godly commandment “Be kindly affectionate to one another … in honor giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:1).

Love

8. Love is a mutual trust. If you love your wife, you would trust that she will love no other man but you. Giving her that feeling, will make her trust you too. I don’t mean that man should not be jealous for his wife. Being an old fashion person, I really believe that man should always be jealous because that shows how truly you love your wife. However, beware of extreme measures. Jealousy here doesn’t mean to make her a prisoner where you do not allow her to talk or laugh with another man. If you trust her, you would know that she will never hurt your love and would never dare to lose your trust. Jealousy here means that you will not let any other man show her the great love and respect in words or in actions but you. She is your wife, your life and your love “forever”. So, you see, this could easily be achieved if you carefully read step number 6 above and show your wife how much you love her by words and feelings. Trusting your wife also grants you the blessing of fulfilling this commandment “Love… believes all things” (I Corinthians 13:7).

Love

 9. Love is receiving through giving in body and soul. A loving husband would understand the spiritual meaning of the verse “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). The more love, respect, and sacrifices you offer to your wife, the more countless and eternal blessings you receive from God. This giving is not only spiritual and psychological but also physical. In loving marriage, the husband gives himself to the wife and the wife to the husband “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (I Corinthians 7:3-5).  

Love

10. Love is peace. A loving husband is always peaceful because he carries the fruits of love including meekness, forgiveness, longsuffering, perseverance, gentleness, and harmony with no envy, no fight, no greediness and no wrong intentions as St. Paul said, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (I Corinthians 13:4-7). If love abides in you, you will be patient, kind and pleased with all good news for your wife. You will wish good and profit things for her as you wish for yourself and you will not utter harsh words that make her angry and distraught. You would rather die than hurting her. Blessed are you for seeking and establishing peace in your house because “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9).

Communication

Communication

Learn to express your feelings and frustrations honestly but without accusing or attacking the other person

Proverbs 11:9

Communication

Choose words, expressions, and a tone of voice that are kind and gentle. Don’t use speech that could easily offend or spark an argument

Proverbs 15:11

Communication

Don’t exaggerate, distort, or stretch the truth Avoid extreme words like never and always

Ephesians 4:25

Communication

Give actual and specific examples. If necessary, make notes before you communicate. Stay away from generalities

Communication

Commit yourself to seeking solutions instead of airing your grievances. Getting even isn’t the goal- you want to get things resolved

Romans 12:17-21

Communication

Listen to what the other person is saying, feeling and needing. Try to detect his or her underlying concerns

James1:19

Communication

Refuse to indulge bitterness, anger, withdrawal, or argument. Though these emotions are normal, indulging then is sin

Ephesians 4:26

Communication

Don’t hesitate to acknowledge your own failure, and be quick to forgive the other person. Make sure you don’t hold a grudge

Luke 17:3-4

Communication

Keep talking and asking questions until you are sure that you both understand clearly what the other is saying and feeling. Encourage each other as you press toward a solutionRomans14:19

Communication

Train your mouth and heart until you can say the right thing at the right time in the right way for the right reasons.

Biblical commandments to Children

“Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3Genesis 2:24Deuteronomy 5:16

Biblical Commandments to Parents

“And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4

“Fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” Colossians 3:21

Ideal Child in the eyes of the parent

Ideal Parent in the eyes of the child

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Realistic Parent

Realistic Child

Renewal: The variance between the ideal/real parent/ child should be minimal

Interaction between parents and children through my eyes

Family Prayer: “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).

Family Communion: “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24).

Family Dinning: “the multitude of those who believed were of one heart and one soul; neither did anyone say that any of the things he possessed was his own, but they had all things in common” (Acts 4:32).

Family Problems: “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me” (Psalm 50:15).

Family Mutual Respect and Understanding: 

“Be kindly affectionate to one another … in honor giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:1).

Family Contentment: “Godliness with contentment is great gain...and having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition” (I Timothy 6:6-9).

Family and Blessed Children: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Dedicated to you Mom…