8/8/2019 The Fall of Yao Qian

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The Fall of Yao Qian: The Script + Blocking

(chorus walks in)C1: I heard this place was very good.C2: I know, right? The newspaper gave this Chinese restaurant a five star rating.Apparently, the owner, Yao Qian, brought it up from a two star rating up to five star!C1:Wow, the owner must really be something. W: Can I take your order?

 C1: Um, I’ll have the dumplings.C2: I’ll take the lo-mien.W: I’ll be right back with your order. 

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PartsOwner: Ronbo FanHead Chef: Leon Gu

Waiter: Kevin YouCritic: Vlad KhazanovichChorus 1: Ben ChouChorus 2: Tony Jiang

Blocking Key:Red Outline = Prop in handBlue Arrow = Timed Entrance

Yellow Fill = Onstage

Menus preset ondesk 

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(waiter leaves) C2: Even though this place is five star, it doesn’t really look like it.I heard that recently the owner’s trying to cut costs.C1: Really? That doesn’t sound like a smart plan. Won’t the rating fall then?C2: I guess so. A critic’s supposed to come in later today.

(waiter arrives with food)W: Here are your dumplings and lo-mien. (chorus looks at food strangely)C1: This doesn’t look like what I ordered. W: I assure you sir, it is. (eat)C1: This food is disgusting! It tastes like something I could buy from wal-mart!C2: I concur! Let’s leave!

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(Chorus leaves and Owner comes in) O: I see another two satisfied customers leaving. W: (sarcastic) Yes sir. They were extremely pleased with your food. O: Well, I suppose my master plan to cut costs has worked. No ones has yet noticed thefact I have replaced all of my ingredients with generic store-bought items.

 W: Are you sure about that, sir? O: DON’T YOU GIVE ME LIP BOY. W: Please don’t berate me, sir! The truth is, every customer has noticed. Every customer has complained about the quality of the ingredients. O: You’re getting a pay cut! How dare you disparage my actions! These ingredients are perfectly fine!

(waiter leaves, dejected) (owner calls head chef over) HC: What is it, sir? Is everything all right? O: Is everything ready for the critic? 

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HC: Of course, sir, your “fine” ingredients are all prepared. O: Excellent!

(critic comes in) 

Cr: I’m here. WHERE IS THE WAITER? (snaps fingers, in generally be obnoxious) W: Hello sir, here is your menu. (look at menu) Cr: What do you recommend, peasant? W: I recommend the noodles, sir.

 Cr: In that case, I won’t take it. What do you not recommend? W: I’m not allowed to say what I don’t recommend. Cr: What? How dare you speak to me in that recalcitrant tone? I demand to speak to your superior!

 

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Waiter waits for critic’s first line,then goes.

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Critic takes aseat

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(head chef comes in) HC: Is there a problem? Cr: How dare you imply there is a problem! I demand to speak to YOUR superior!

 

(owner comes in) O: What is it?

 Cr: Your employees are mouthing off to me. O: I’m sorry sir. What would you like to order? Cr: Surprise me.(owner, head chef, waiter go off to side)

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O: He said to surprise him. HC: I heard. O: All right, be sure to use the best ingredients we have. HC: But sir, are you sure we should use the ingredients we have right now? The bestthing we have are $5 noodles from wal-mart!

 O: It’ll be fine. HC: If you weren’t so frugal and greedy, we would have better ingredients to use. Withour $5 noodles, we might not please him. O: Oh well. As long as I make a profit.

 

(wait for a while)(waiter comes in with food)

W: Here is your food, sir. Cr: This looks absolutely horrible! In soviet Russia, this food will be fed to prisoners! (eats food) Cr: This food is absolutely disgusting! In soviet Russia, this food will be fed to tourists! Igive this place 2 stars!

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Waiter has foodto give to critic

Waiter waits afew seconds before entering

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(owner calls head chef) O: What did you do to the food? HC: Nothing! It was your horrible ingredients that made the food so bad! O: What? I’m the owner! You can’t just talk to me this way! We got two stars! I’ll kill

you! HC: Fine, we’ll take this into the kitchen!

 

(go into kitchen)(waiter goes into kitchen)(Chorus comes in, not yet seated)

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(waiter comes running out of kitchen) W: Oh my god! The owner was so angry, he grabbed a butcher knife and tried to kill thehead chef! The head chef tried to defend himself, but got his arm cut off in the process.As blood spurted everywhere, the chef managed to grab a pot of boiling oil and dumpedit on the owner’s head. As his face began to burn, he grabbed a meat hook off a table andskewered the chef though the stomach. He then yanked it out forcefully and continuouslystabbed the head chef while screaming out in pain from the burns. He finally stopped,

leaving the head chef to slowly bleed out.

W: Oh my god!W/C1/C2: All of this happened because of a bad review and an owner’s greed? Theworld is cruel indeed. What to do now, what to do now? Do we call the cops? Do we callthe ambulance? What do we do, oh, what do we do? Oh, the horror! Call the ambulance! No, call the police! Call someone! We have a killer in the kitchen, a dead man lying nextto him! The horror!

 

(Owner walks out with a knife) 

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C2, C1, and W waitfor Owner’s first line before going.

Owner has knife inhand

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O: Everyone, into the corner now![CUSTOMERS + W shuffle to corner] [Police offstage]P: We know you’re in there, Yao, come out with your hands up!

 O: (to waiter) You’ve been obsequious to me all this time, come out with me so theywon’t shoot me on sight.

[W and O move towards exit.]O: Hey, W, can you hold the knife? I need to hold my hands up. W: Erm. I don’t-[Owner shoves knife into W’s hand, pushes W out]P: HANDS UP! DROP THE KNIFE! 

[Owner shuts door]C1: Oh, Yao. Please don’t hurt us! We’ve been regular customers since this placeopened, and we’ve brought you fame and fortune.C2: Oh Yao! We’ve always loved your- O: Be quiet!(Starts pacing back and forth)O: If only I hadn’t been so greedy this wouldn’t have happened. Now I am a wanted manand my reputation is ruined! What to do, what to do? The police are outside and thekitchen is on fire! My reputation is ruined!(he points to the chorus)

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O: go leave me be!(chorus steps to the front)