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The Dragon, the King, and the Princess,by Joshua Horowitz

CHARACTERS

King Joe Bob Billy: Late 50s, Overprotective, Slightly crazy.

Princess Rachel: Teenager, Adventurous, stubborn

The Dragon: Mid 300s, Quick to temper, Always Hungry

Grumbly Groo: 6 human years old, 43 troll years old, speaks in rhyme, ScottishTIME

Medieval Times, Late afternoon

PLACE

Joe's Palace, Entrance to cave, Cave Interior

SCENE ONE: CASTLE BEHIND THE SCENES

(Light go on. KING is sitting in his throne, PRINCESS walks by)

RACHELBye, dad! I'll see you later.

KINGAnd just where do you think you're going, young lady?

RACHELTo get my nails done! I told you about this! Twice! One of the times was with amegaphone!

KINGRachel, I couldn't possibly let you go to get your nails done; The aliens mightreplace the nail polish with acid and destroy your beautiful, beautiful nails! I'll justbuild a nail salon in the castle!

RACHEL

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But I don't want a private nail salon! My friends are baking cookies. Can I goover and bake with them?

KINGNo! The ninjas might poison the cookie dough!

RACHELCan I least go to Janie's house for a sleepover with all of my friends?

KINGNever! Witches and warlocks will break down the roof and turn you into a toad!

RACHEL(Storms off)Oh, Fine!

KING(Stands up)Don't you take another step, young lady!

RACHELAuuuugh!

KINGShe'll understand when she's older.

SCENE TWO: THE TROLL OF WISDOM

(RACHEL storms across the stage, bumps into GRUMBLY GROO)

GRUMBLY GROOStop right there, or so I dare!

RACHELWho are you?

GRUMBLY GROOMy name is Grumbly Groo, and I'm here to give advice to you!

RACHELWell, if you're an advice giving troll, you may as well give me advice. Otherwise,(shouting) get of my way!!!!!

GRUMBLY GROOThere's no need to shout at me, for I shall give advice to thee! There lies a caveup there ahead, so don't go there or you'll be dead!

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RACHELWhat do you mean a cave?

GRUMBLY GROO

(Running off)That is not for you to know. I cannot talk now- I must go!

RACHELA cave, huh? I'll see if that Mumbly guy is good for his word.

(RACHEL wanders for a little while, and stumbles upon the cave)

RACHELWell, there's the cave I guess. But should I go in? maybe that Bumbly guy wasn'tlying! But if I do go in, there might be that Tumbly guys troll treasure. No! It's too

dangerous! Wait a minute; that sounds like something my dad would say! I amgoing in the cave. Neither my dad nor that Wumbly troll can stop me.

SCENE THREE: IN THE HEART OF THE CAVE

(RACHEL is in the cave)

RACHEL(Wandering around, taking long pauses)Sure is lonely in here not nearly as exciting as I expected nope, not a lot isgoing on

(THE DRAGON enters)

DRAGON(Yelling dramatically)Boo!

RACHELAah! Who are you?

DRAGONI am the Dragon of Hunger! The Sultan of Starvation! The Master ofMalnourishment! And I have come to this cave today with intentions as black asthe midnight sky! My wickedness is unchallenged! My evil is ebbing! I laugh!(Laughs) And I have come to this cave to kidnap you, my pretty! (DRAGON andRACHEL act out the kidnapping as he talks about it) For, as the dragon ofhunger, I am cursed with an incurable hunger. However, as soon as I saw youenter my cave I knew you could satisfy my starved self. But, what is a mealwithout theatrics! So, I will dangle you above a pit of starved land-sharks, with a

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candle burning ever so slightly into the rope that you are hanging by. Just as youare at the brink of death by starvation, the rope will snap and you will plummetinto the land-sharks' hungry beaks!

RACHEL

Beaks?

DRAGONYes. Beaks!

(THE KING barges into the cave)

KINGRachel! I told you not to go out! You disobeyed me!

RACHEL

Listen, Dad. I'm being dangled above a pit of land sharks, and you're complainingabout me going out? I'm only inches away from their hungry beaks!

KINGBeaks?

RACHELI know! I had the exact same reaction!

KINGNever mind! Unhand or unrope my daughter, you ah non-fiery dragon!

DRAGONWell, considering how you just barged into my cave, I think I should have the firstword.

KINGNever mind whose word is first! Just give me back my daughter.

DRAGONI'm sorry, King. I'm afraid I cannot do that.

KINGWell then you'd better learn fast, because I'll send my elite force of knights afteryou!

(GRUMBLY GROO enters, dressed as a knight)

GRUMBLY GROO

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Behold it is I! The King's best knight, sir Groo! Surrender now or I'll slaughter you!

DRAGONYour sword! It smells like like orange?

GRUMBLY GROOYes, my sword has an orange scent. Here, have a better smell of it, gent!

(GRUMBLY GROO shoves his sword through the DRAGON's face, andthe DRAGON falls over dead)

GRUMBLY GROODammit, I can't go back to jail! Excuse me, folks- it's time to bail! (begins to runaway)

KING

No, Grumbly! This isn't like those other times. You're my knight now, your jobwas to kill that dragon.

GRUMBLY GROOOh. Hooray! I saved the day!

RACHELI'm sorry, Dad. You were right, I should have just stayed home. It's dangerousout there.

KINGNo, you were right, Rachel. I was wrong. I banned those ninjas from thekingdom, like, two years ago. Why did I think they'd still be around?

RACHELAw, c'mere dad!

(RACHEL and KING hug. GRUMBLY GROO, infected with familial love,joins in the hug, which RACHEL and KING are both repulsed by. Then theDRAGON rises up from the dead to join everyone)

EVERYONEand they all lived happily ever after!