University of Wisconsin-Madison Complete campus coverage since 1892 dailycardinal.com Wednesday, April 3, 2013l

“…the great state University of Wisconsin should ever encourage that continual and fearless sifting and winnowing by which alone the truth can be found.”

Zellers wins District 2 Council seat

District 13 re-elects Ellingson

Madison’s District 2 vot-ers elected alder candidate Ledell Zellers Tuesday, who narrowly defeated opponent Bryan Post for the Common Council seat represent-ing Langdon and Tenney-Lapham neighborhoods.

Zellers won with 51.7 per-cent of the vote, according to the City Clerk’s office. She said she is excited about the opportunity to serve the heav-ily student-populated district.

“I am delighted,” Zellers said. “I spent a lot of time visiting with sorority and fraternity chapter houses on Langdon Street ... I really care about the student area.”

Zellers previously acted as president of the Capitol Neighborhoods Executive Council and served as a member on the Zoning Code Rewrite Committee. She said improving the qual-ity of life in her district and continuing the communica-tion she established with constituents during the campaign will be a key fac-tor for her throughout her

time in office.“I want to hear from stu-

dents about the issues that they have,” Zellers said. “We need to find a way to com-municate with folks so they know what’s going on that might impact them.”

Post said he does not know what his future plans are, but called this campaign “just another step forward,” and said he will remain involved in city affairs and continue to serve on the Tenney-Lapham Neighborhood Association Council.

He said he hopes Zellers will pursue issues such as sensible development, in addition to moving the dis-trict forward and collabo-rating with constituents.

“This is a district where everyone needs to work together,” Post said. “I hope she takes that very seriously.”

Zellers will begin her term at the next Common Council meeting April 16.

—Erik Thiel and Ricky Romero

Incumbent Ald. Sue Ellingson, District 13, will remain a member of Madison’s Common Council for two more years following her victory against Edgewood College student Zach Madden in the biennial aldermanic election Tuesday.

Ellingson, 60, was first elect-ed to Common Council in 2011 to District 13, which extends south from Regent Street and includes off-campus student housing in the Greenbush and Vilas neighborhoods. It is also home to the Henry Vilas Zoo and the northern shore of Lake Wingra.

Ellingson said on her website she is excited for the opportunity a second term

Two incumbent alders who repre-sent heavily student-populated areas will continue to sit on Madison’s city Council for two more years following their re-elections Tuesday.

Ald. Scott Resnick, District 8, was elected to serve on Common Coun-cil for a second term. He will repre-sent a majority of the University of Wis-consin-Madison campus, including all

residence halls. Resnick ran unopposed after his opponent Christian Hansen dropped out of the race March 4.

Additionally, Ald. Mike Verveer, Dis-trict 4, won an uncontested race to serve his tenth consecutive Council term. District 4 encompasses the down-town area, including Capitol Square and State Street.

Melissa Howison

Verveer, Resnick re-elected to Council

CoUrtney kessler/THe DAily CARDinAl

First time Common Council candidate ledell Zellers celebrates a narrow win over her opponent, Bryan Post, for the District 2 alder seat.

Dishin’ out the complimentson CAMpUs

Freshmen tom Bainey (left) and Marcus Jahn (right) spent the afternoon tuesday on Bascom Hill offering free compli-ments to passersby. + Photo by Grey Satterfield

Roggensack keeps Supreme Court seatJustice Pat Roggensack

earned her second 10-year term on the Wisconsin Supreme Court after com-fortably defeating Marquette University law professor Ed

Fallone in Tuesday’s election.Roggensack won 57 per-

cent of the vote while Fallone received 43 percent. The Associated Press officially called the race for the incum-

bent around two hours after the polls closed.

Roggensack, who was first elected to the state’s high-

evers wins re-election as state superintendentI n c u m b e n t s t a t e

Superintendent of Public Instruction Tony Evers retained his position for a second term after defeat-ing his challenger, state Rep. Don Pridemore, R-Erin, in Tuesday’s statewide election.

Evers, who spent the last four years in the superinten-dent position, won the election with approximately 61 percent of the vote.

While the race was officially non-partisan, Evers is generally seen as a Democratic-leaning official. He ran his reelection campaign on promises to boost the state’s public school fund-ing and to challenge Gov. Scott Walker’s plan to expand private school vouchers.

The voucher program would allow families who meet low-income standards and who have students enrolled in

underperforming schools to use voucher money to send their children to higher per-forming private schools. The proposal has already drawn heavy criticism from state Democrats who say the expan-sion will take money away from public schools that are struggling with funding.

Evers will now serve anoth-er four years as the state’s head of education.

state legislators propose stricter recall regulationsThree Republican state legisla-

tors introduced a bill Monday that would place more stringent rules on starting recall proceedings against state and local officials.

Legislators designed the bill in response to both political par-ties in the state using the recall provision as a “campaign tool,” according to Todd Allbaugh, the

chief of staff for state Sen. Dale Schultz, R-Richland Center, who was one of three state senators

district 13 page 3

court page 3

recall page 3

+Arts, page 6

putting a book down is ok sometimes

+lIFe AnD style, page 5

examining the value of Madison’s grocery stores

sue ellingsonalder

District 13

“I like talking to people in the district and help-ing them find solutions

to problems.”

Wednesday Morning Hangover

Unless you’ve had your head up your ass for the past week (not unlikely if

you were in PCB), you know by now Rebecca Blank will be the new chancellor at University of Wisconsin. Which means… something. She’s expected to improve the school’s economic outlook, I think. As a columnist who specializes in cheap dick jokes and unnecessary cursing, I’m not qualified to speculate on what this news really means. In all honesty, I had no idea David Ward was British until over a year into his interim chancel-lorship. I am truly a terrible representation of the university.

Movie from your childhood that still

kicks ass

“Mrs. Doubtfire” (1993) —Robin Williams was my favor-ite actor as kid, largely based on the wide range of vocal impres-sions he did in “Aladdin,” “Jumanji” and of course “Mrs. Doubtfire.” There’s one scene

in this movie where he meets with a social worker and per-forms impressions of Sean Connery, a Russian immigrant and, most humorously, a hot dog. It’s good stuff. At the same time, I feel like Robin Williams is one of those celebrities you find less entertaining as you get older because you’re exhausted with his shtick after a certain point. I have a similar problem with Dave Letterman, Morgan Freeman voiceovers and Chris Berman on ESPN. They’ve all been doing the same silly old act for years.

Small Victory that Salvages an Otherwise

Shitty Week

I watch a lot of TV on Charter On-Demand, and I usu-ally screw up all the time when I’m fast forwarding through the umpteenth Proactive acne com-mercial that A&E shows dur-ing the program. Then I have to rewind the thing an extra 15 seconds, and it seems like it would’ve taken the same amount of time to just watch the commercial in the first place. However, by the end of the show, you have a better idea when the commercial breaks

end, and when you time it out exactly as the show comes back on you feel like you’ve done some sort of Jedi mind trick. It makes watching episodes of “Intervention” ten times bet-ter. (Side note: I once pregamed while watching “Intervention” and it got depressing really fast. It was revealed at the end of the episode that the person relapsed, and I was left sitting there shame-faced with my rum-and-diet mix.)

First-World Hate of the week

This week’s hate is reserved for celery. I guess it’s not bad when used as an ingredient mixed into something, but as a stand-alone offering, celery is a complete BS snack. You can’t say that to those hippies at Whole Foods, though. They’ll tell you, “But you actually burn calories when you eat celery, it’s THAT good for you.” Well, I don’t give a shit. I could burn the same amount of calories eating dental floss, and I think that might actually taste better. “But you can eat it with peanut butter and raisins and make ants on a log.” Hey, I’m not try-ing to play arts and crafts with

my food, I’m really starving here. “But it’s rich in vitamins and antioxidants.” Well, that still doesn’t change the fact that it smells like ballsack. Celery is the worst.

Song that will make you want to change

the world

“Paper Planes” (M.I.A., 2007)—I’m a big fan of those VH1 “Greatest Songs of the (insert decade here)” specials, and a few months ago they pro-filed “Paper Planes” on one of its countdowns, reminding me how much ass it kicked. I love everything about it; M.I.A.’s melodic rapping style, the exotic backing beat, the British kids singing the chorus. And seriously, is there anything cooler than the gun shots and cash register sound effects fol-lowed by the, “and take your money” lyrics? God, that just makes me feel like a fucking G when I hear that. The hip-hop industry needs more of this type of music and less of the crap Pitbull and Lil Wayne are spewing out these days.

Remember to email awolf3@wisc.edu to tell him your first-world hate this week.

l

page two2 Wednesday, April 3, 2013 dailycardinal.com

thursday:partly sunnyhi 55º / lo 32º

tOday:sunnyhi 43º / lo 36º

adaM Wolf howlin’ mad

High like paper, adam is fly like planes

Monday’s Student Services Finance Committee article stated proposed bylaw changes would have eliminated the General Student Services Fund. The fund would actually have been replaced by a single funding process for all registered student organizations.

For the record

An independent student newspaper, serving the University of Wisconsin-Madison

community since 1892

Volume 122, Issue 1122142 Vilas Communication Hall

821 University AvenueMadison, Wis., 53706-1497

(608) 262-8000 • fax (608) 262-8100

News and Editorialedit@dailycardinal.com

News team

News Manager Taylor HarveyCampus Editor Sam Cusick

College Editor Cheyenne LangkampCity Editor Melissa Howison

state Editor Jack CaseyEnterprise Editor Samy Moskol

associate News Editor Meghan ChuaFeatures Editor Ben Siegel

Opinion EditorsDavid Ruiz • Nikki Stout

Editorial Board Chair Matt Beatyarts Editors

Cameron Graff • Andy Holsteen sports Editors

Vince Huth • Matt MastersonPage two Editors

Rachel Schulze • Alex TuckerLife & style Editor

Rebecca AltPhoto Editors

Grey Satterfield • Abigail WaldoGraphics Editors

Angel Lee • Dylan MoriartyMultimedia Editors

Dani Golubscience Editor

Matthew Kleistdiversity Editor Aarushi Agni Copy Chiefs

Brett Bachman • Molly Hayman Matthew Kleist • Rachel Wanat

Copy EditorsAli Bartoli • Kayla Schmidt

Business and advertisingbusiness@dailycardinal.com

Business Manager Jacob SattlerOffice Manager Emily Rosenbaum

advertising ManagersErin Aubrey • Dan Shanahan

senior account Executives Philip Aciman • Jade Likely

account Executives Jordan Laeyendecker

Elissa Hersh • Madi FairTessa Coan • Lyndsay BloomfieldZachary Hanlon • Paulina KovaloHannah Klein • Danny Mahlum

Eric O’Neil • Will HubertyAli Syverson • Catherine Rashid

Alyssa BoczkicwiczWeb director Eric Harris

Public relations Manager Alexis VargasMarketing Manager Caitlin FurinEvents Manager Andrew Straus

Creative directorClaire Silverstein

Copywriters Dustin Bui • Bob Sixsmith

The Daily Cardinal is a nonprofit organization run by its staff members and elected editors. It receives no funds from the university. Operating revenue is generated from advertising and subscription sales.

The Daily Cardinal is published weekdays and distributed at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and its surrounding community with a circulation of 10,000.

Capital Newspapers, Inc. is the Cardinal’s printer. The Daily Cardinal is printed on recy-cled paper. The Cardinal is a member of the Associated Collegiate Press and the Wisconsin Newspaper Association.

All copy, photographs and graphics appear-ing in The Daily Cardinal are the sole property of the Cardinal and may not be reproduced without written permission of the editor in chief.

The Daily Cardinal accepts advertising rep-resenting a wide range of views. This accep-tance does not imply agreement with the views expressed. The Cardinal reserves the right to reject advertisements judged offensive based on imagery, wording or both.

Complaints: News and editorial complaints should be presented to the editor in chief. Business and advertising complaints should be presented to the business manager.

Letters Policy: Letters must be word pro-cessed and must include contact information. No anonymous letters will be printed. All letters to the editor will be printed at the discretion of The Daily Cardinal. Letters may be sent to opinion@dailycardinal.com.

Board of directorsJenny Sereno, President

Scott Girard • Alex DiTullio Emily Rosenbaum • John Surdyk

Erin Aubrey • Dan Shanahan Jacob Sattler • Melissa Anderson

Stephen DiTullio • Herman Baumann Don Miner • Chris DrosnerJason Stein • Nancy Sandy

Tina Zavoral

Editor in ChiefScott Girard

Editorial BoardMatt Beaty • Alex DiTullio

Anna Duffin • Nick Fritz • Scott GirardDavid Ruiz • Nikki Stout

Managing EditorAlex DiTullio

T witter is fun. It’s a mind-less way to pass the time by reading about what your

favorite celebrities ate for break-fast or which politicians my friends despise. But sometimes I don’t care what other people have to say because what I have to say is much more important. Sadly, I don’t have enough followers yet. Never fear, self (and those who read this); I have a foolproof plan for you to gain Twitter followers in a snap, crackle and pop.

First thing you should do is fan-girl. I say fangirl and not fanboy because it seems only 13-year-old girls tweet at celebrities every single day hoping for a retweet or a fol-low back. But why shouldn’t every-one do whatever they can to get a retweet from a One Direction mem-ber or the backup tight end to the Green Bay Packers? Good fangirls usually say, “It’s my birthday and all I ever wanted was a retweet,” which is a pretty cheap gift if you ask me. What then will happen is everyone will see that retweet and say, “Wow, that girl got a retweet, I should follow her so I know what insight she has.” Good idea.

But in all honesty, you’re a pret-ty boring person. Do you know who isn’t boring? Celebrities. But some celebrites don’t have Twitter accounts... so what should you do? How about you do a paro-dy account? Parody accounts are always funny and every-one loves them. @FillWerrel, @KevinHart2Reall, and many other

parody accounts are so funny people honest-to-goodness retweet them thousands of times. But hey, you’re not funny, so what should you do? Just steal your jokes from real, hard-working comedians. That’s what all these accounts do anyway; don’t worry about it. After all, anyone that follows a parody account really doesn’t care about where the jokes came from.

So now you have gained Twitter followers. The next step is to make sure you misspell everything. No one hates correct spelling more than people online. For example, make sure you know the difference between “your” and “you’re” and get it wrong. Better yet, forget every rule you know about grammar and spelling. People will not care about your misspelling and will move on with their day like civilized adults, because that’s what the Internet is: a bunch of civilized adults.

When someone disagrees with you, attack them. Call them every bad word in the book. Whatever, it’s the Internet. They won’t find you or know who you are. Good things to call people are racial slurs or homo-phobic epithets. Also, constantly bring up the other person’s mom. You will be respected to no end. It’s not natural for most people to be so mean, but Twitter is mostly 14 year olds who do this on a daily basis to nerds who will soon be their bosses at the Applebee’s, so you’ll be fine.

And if that all fails, just join a Twitter team. What do I mean by team? I’m talking about the fans of a certain artist that come together to berate anyone that says anything bad about said artist. For example, the Beliebers, the Little Monsters and of course #TeamBreezy. People love #TeamBreezy. How could you hate anyone that loves

Chris Brown (he’s really more of a national icon than a singer/danc-er/actor/amateur boxer)? These “teams” literally search for their leader’s name on Tweetdeck and bombard anyone that badmouths them with obscenities and person-al accusations; it’s really a great community-bonding event. Here is a list of other celebrities that

deserve their own teams: Michael Vick, David Hasselhoff, Dennis Rodman, Victoria Jackson and basically everyone in the Westboro Baptist Church (#TeamIgnorance). Yup, that’s truly the way to go.

Hopefully this will help you all gain those Twitter followers you all desire. I know it’s helped me. (Please be gentle to me #TeamBreezy).

Twitter: how to hashtag your way to fameMicHaelvolosHin voloshin’s commotion

newsdailycardinal.com Wednesday,April3,20133l

City, state voter turnout down in spring election

Voter participation in Tuesday’s spring election decreased across the city and state from the previous election in 2011, accord-ing to data from the city of Madison and the Government Accountability Board.

Twenty-four percent of the city’s registered voters participated in Tuesday’s election to decide who would serve on Madison’s Common Council and Wisconsin’s Supreme Court as well as in the next state superintendent position. Thirty percent of Madison’s registered voters headed to the polls in the April 2007 elections while 23 percent participated in April 2009.

On a state-wide level, the 24 percent voter turnout for the state Supreme Court marked a 10 percent decrease from the Court’s past election in 2011. However, the same 24 percent turnout for the superin-tendent position was a 6 percent increase from its previous election in 2009.

Voter turnout in Madison during the 2011

spring elections nearly doubled this year’s elec-tion to nearly 54 percent, much in response to Gov. Scott Walker’s controversial and newly drafted Act 10, which limited collective bargain-ing rights for public employees.

This year’s average voter turnout in areas with significant numbers of University of Wisconsin-Madison students was a slightly more than 16 percent.

District 8, which covers much of the UW-Madison campus and includes most-ly student housing, saw a 7.5 percent voter turnout. Twenty percent of voters in District 4, which includes the Bassett and Mifflin Neighborhoods, turned out for the election.

District 2, which encompasses the Langdon Street area, saw a 30 percent voter turnout. District 13, which includes the Vilas and Greenbush neighborhoods, saw a 48 percent turnout.

—David Jones

will allow her to stay involved in improv-ing the city.

“I like talking to people in the dis-trict and helping them find solutions to problems,” Ellingson said on her web-site. “I love making Madison the best

place it can be.” Ellingson said she will continue to

engage with the community and keep residents informed throughout her sec-ond term. She also said she will work to find alternate revenue streams for the Overture Center for the Arts and increase pedestrian and bike safety in

her district. Ellingson took 60.9 percent of

the vote over her opponent, 19-year-old Madden, who said he will stay involved in the city process and hopes to coop-erate with Ellingson in the future to resolve city matters.

“I’m still going to work as hard

as I can on issues of affordable hous-ing,” Madden said. “I’m still going to continue my efforts and my work and I hope that Sue and I can work together.”

Ellingson will officially begin her second term at the next Common Council meeting April 16.

—Melissa Howison

district 13frompage1

est court in 2003 after serving for seven years as an appeals court judge, credited her victory to her experience, which she continually emphasized on the campaign trail.

“I am so grateful for the support I have received from the voters across Wisconsin tonight,” Roggensack said in a statement. “I’m excited to get back to work and focus on serv-ing the people of Wisconsin as a member of the court.”

Fallone framed much of his campaign message around ending what he views as personal ani-mosity between the conservative and liberal members of the court.

“Although I couldn’t manu-

facture a win tonight, the fight will continue to bring equal jus-tice for all Wisconsinites, and to end the dysfunction that has plagued our Supreme Court for the last two years,” Fallone said in a statement.

Through March 25, Roggensack’s campaign had more than doubled Fallone’s campaign in spending, according to finance reports filed with the Government Accountability Board.

The state Supreme Court is expected to take up cases regard-ing controversial legislation from Gov. Scott Walker’s first two years in office, including portions of the collective bar-gaining law and voter ID.

—Adam Wollner

courtfrompage1

ASM committee to host meet-and-greet Students will be able to meet

and socialize with student, faculty and staff members of the Associated Students of Madison Shared Governance Committee at a meet-and-greet event Thursday.

According to committee chair Britt Moes, the event, called “Shared Governance Matchmaker,” will be like speed-dating.

Current committee mem-bers will be broken into groups by the issues they work on, such as diversity, education and technology, and interested students will spend three to five minutes with each mem-ber before rotating.

Moes said current mem-bers will explain the work they have done with ASM committees and talk about

what it is like to participate in each committee.

According to Moes, the committee’s goal is to recruit students and encourage cur-rent members to get involved with different committees.

“Shared Governance Matchmaker” will take place Thursday from 5 p.m to 7 p.m. on the fourth floor of the Student Activity Center.

UW offers new online patient advocacy certificateA University of Wisconsin-

Madison program is now offering an online option for a Consumer Health Advocacy Certificate, beginning in Spring 2013.

The Center for Patient Partnerships, a UW-Madison interdisciplinary center that focuses on improving health-care quality through patient advocacy in the schools of Law, Medicine and Public Health,

Nursing and Pharmacy, cre-ated the certificate program.

The university is offer-ing the online certificate program as part of an effort to reach more students and make programs more flexible for both traditional and non-traditional students, accord-ing to a university release.

UW-Madison is one of few universities to offer patient

advocacy training through the CPP and is the only university with a service-learning compo-nent, according to the release.

The course educates stu-dents through videos, pod-casts, case studies and read-ings, but also creates an online community that pro-motes student interaction, peer support and idea shar-ing, according to the release.

Woman sights ‘prowler’ outside East Washington homeA downtown resident noticed

a man peering at her through the window of her East Washington home Friday morning after she stepped out of the shower, according to a police report.

Madison Police Department spokesperson Joel DeSpain reported the “prowler” was

standing outside the 23-year-old victim’s bedroom window at her house on the 500 block of East Johnson Street at approxi-mately 7:20 a.m. March 29.

The victim told police she saw the man when she went to investigate a shadow she noticed outside the window,

according to the report. She described the suspect as a black male in his 40s, 5-foot-10, with no facial hair or glasses.

DeSpain reported the police have not yet identi-fied the suspect, who fled the scene once the woman dis-covered he was spying on her.

JusticePatRoggensackwasre-electedtothestateSupremeCourtTuesday.Shewillnowserveanother10-yearterm.

bEn piErson/dAilyCARdinAlfilePhoTo

to introduce the legislation.The new bill would only

allow a recall if an elected offi-cial violates a criminal or civil law, according to the bill.

Allbaugh said Schultz signed on to the legislation after constituents repeatedly said they were “sick” of all the recalls in the state. The state held 15 recalls over the past two years, starting with petitions

circulated in late 2011 to recall Gov. Scott Walker and Lt. Gov. Rebecca Kleefisch.

“[The constituents] felt that recalls should rise to the level of high crimes and misdemean-ors,” Allbaugh said. “It should be a crime that has been com-mitted, not just because [the official] took one bad vote or one vote that you disagree with.”

Current recall rules do not require the petitioners to have a specific reason for the recall,

according to the Government Accountability Board’s recall manual. However, petitioners must wait until the elected offi-cial has served a full year before any petitions can be filed.

Once a petition is created, it must be circulated to get a certain number of signatures. The actual number required depends on how many votes the elected official received in the most recent election.

—Jack Casey

recall frompage1

GraphiC by anGEl lEE

opinion

I t often takes a big man (or woman) to apologize, even if he or she is clearly in

the wrong. People are simply not inclined to admit they have erred. If someone is not in the wrong, but apologizes only to mend a broken relationship, this plainly demonstrates maturity. Last semester, I wrote an opin-ion piece arguing Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is a baby. While I won’t admit that I was wrong to say that—for I am never really wrong—I would like to assert the fact that he is certainly acting like a mature adult on the world stage at the moment.

Two summers ago, a flotilla from Turkey was on its way to the Gaza Strip, ostensibly to provide humanitarian aid to Gazans, but in the process it illegally broke the Gaza block-ade which ensures advanced

weaponry isn’t thrust into the hands of Hamas, the totalitar-ian terrorist group that reigns over Gaza. Israel, which had offered the supposed human rights activists access to Gaza via land, boarded the flotilla when the recalcitrant “activ-ists” would not let the Israeli Defense Force inspect the ships for caches of weapons. As The New York Times reported at the time of the incident, “at least some of the activists on the lead ship, the Mavi Marmara, were seeking a confrontation—and got one.”

Once aboard the ship, the IDF soldiers were furiously met with water hoses and objects

fired at them. When the IDF responded by shooting paint-balls at those who were antago-nizing them, they were beaten with metal rods and thrust off the ships. Bloodied, beaten and afraid, the IDF requested permission to use live fire in order to protect themselves. Unfortunately, nine lives were lost in the incident.

Turkey was looking for a fight.After two years of brutality,

the Syrian Civil War is show-ing no signs of slowing down. If anything, it is still reaching new heights. As Syrian President Bashar al-Assad continues to prove his penchant for mass slaughter—over 80,000 Syrians have been massacred to date—many neighboring countries have seen spillover from shells leaving Syrian territory.

Israel and Turkey are two such neighbors, and both would be smart to renew friendly rela-tions to best defend themselves on this issue.

In order to best ensure no innocent lives of non-Syri-an civilians are lost, Prime Minister Netanyahu has

politely knocked on Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s door to cordially extend an olive branch to him. Last week, Netanyahu officially apologized to Erdogan for all lives lost dur-ing the flotilla fiasco and offered to pay for all damages Turkey incurred. While cer-tainly a gambit, this prudent apology from Netanyahu comes only weeks after Erdogan declared the entire the-sis of Netanyahu’s coun-try inherently racist, likening the idea of Jews living in a land of their own to the unthinkable and indelible horrors of Nazi Germany.

While this capitula-tion by Netanyahu is cer-tainly a demonstration of his developing matu-rity as a world leader, it is only a brief respite from the tensions between Israel and Turkey that have grown increasingly unsympathetic in recent years.

Once a bastion of hope for

the Islamic world, Turkey now seems to be retreating from its position as a moderate and pro-gressive leader. With near-dai-ly aspersions cast upon Israel,

civil rights records not on or near par with other Western-minded coun-tries and recent state-ments from Erdogan like “gay people are con-trary to Islam,” Turkey needs to reroute its current trajectory and accept the fact that if it wants to be seen as the nexus between Islamic policies and Western ideals, it needs to start acting like the moder-ate country it claims to be. This is the best way, and in fact the only way, to better its relationship with Europe, the West and Israel, as well as to ensure its citizens’ safe-

ty amid the anarchy and chaos otherwise known as Syria.

Zach is a senior majoring in philosophy and communications. Please send all feedback to opin-ion@dailycardinal.com.

4 Wednesday, April 3, 2013 dailycardinal.com

Israel extends deft apology to Turkey

Coral reefs being pushed to destruction by human forces

I first experienced the Florida Keys’ awe-inspiring beauty while on spring break a

decade ago. As anyone who has visited here will tell you, the Keys’ turquoise water is majes-tic, its sport fishing is exceptional and its coral reefs breathtaking.

But since my first time snor-keling there in 2003, the coral reefs have deteriorated dramati-cally. In sharp contrast to just 10 years ago, the reefs now seem bland and uninspiring. I haven’t become jaded by the reefs’ splen-dor, they’re simply less vibrant. The Keys’ coral reefs—like coral reefs around the world—are declining largely due to the greenhouse gases humans emit when burning fossil fuels.

For longer than humans have existed, the ocean has maintained a relatively constant chemical balance. Global industrialization has changed that. The world’s oceans absorb about a quarter of all carbon dioxide humans emit and as the amount of carbon dioxide humans emit has drasti-cally risen, the chemical balance in the world’s oceans has changed dramatically, acidifying at a rate unseen for 300 million years. Ocean acidification leads to coral bleaching and, eventually, coral dies off.

Rising ocean tempera-tures further threaten coral reefs around the world. On the whole, humans will likely prove to be a threat to coral reefs worldwide. In fact, some climate models predict coral reefs—which cover just 0.2 per-cent of the ocean’s bottom but are home to a quarter of all of the ocean’s biodiversity—will

be nonexistent by as early as 2050, while more conservative estimates project them to be gone by 2100.

Of course, coral reef decline is just one adverse effect in a litany of projected negative con-sequences of greenhouse gas emissions and global warming. The Florida Keys and the Gulf of Mexico have more broadly become a locus for the nega-tive effects of human activities in recent years. In addition to coral reef loss, nearly five mil-lion barrels of oil gushed into the Gulf in 2010 via the BP oil spill, making it the largest oil spill in history. Three-quarters of the land in the Florida Keys, according to some projections, is expected to be underwater by 2100 due to rising sea levels caused by global warming.

For me, witnessing the decline in coral reefs in the Florida Keys has been a realization, a loss of innocence really, that the resource-intensive Western life-style I, and most Americans live, comes with serious environmen-tal consequences.

As any climate scientist worth his or her salt will tell you, no single severe weath-er event or weather pattern—whether a series of unseason-ably hot days or the increased incidence of extreme flooding, drought or hurricanes—can be attributed solely to human fac-tors. So far in Wisconsin, many of the effects of global warm-ing have been tame. And some effects even seem beneficial: For instance, the increasing occurrence of 60 degree days in January, which could be a direct result of global warming, seems to be more of a reprieve than a punishment for Wisconsinites.

But in an era when climate scientists often make dire pre-dictions portrayed in apocalyp-tic terms, the decline of coral

reefs offers the most vivid, tan-gible and immediate example of how our actions negatively affect our environment. One day, I will be able tell my chil-dren about the grandeur of coral reefs—the aquatic equiva-lent of tropical rain forests and the ocean’s richest source of bio-

diversity. Unfortunately, they won’t be able to see for them-selves, or at least not the way I’ve been so fortunate to.

Have we reached a critical juncture at which the world’s entire landscape will change drastically from global warm-ing? Or are we close to a tip-

ping point at which the effects of climate change will be irre-versible? I don’t know. But I do know we are already seeing the effects of our actions in the here and now.

Michael is a freshman majoring in political science. Please send all feed-back to opinion@dailycardinal.com.

l

Zac PesTIneopinioncolumnist

MIchaelBrosTopinioncolumnist

Turkey needs to reroute its current trajectory and accept the fact that if it wants to be seen as the nexus between Islamic

policies and Western ide-als, it needs to start acting like the moderate country

it claims to be.

neTanYahU

erDoGan

By Gethsemane Herron-Cowardthe daily cardinal

I just realized it’s called Spring Break for a reason. Yes, you get a break from the drudgery of academic life, but God all that traveling… the clubs… the restaurants… the drink specials.

I have nary a penny to rub together and every time I see a quarter I jump for the sky, fist pumping and chanting vic-tory as if the Badgers won a basketball tournament. Or a football game. Is it too soon?

Unfortunately, fist pumping takes energy and energy requires sustenance. That means groceries are needed, but mama is a broke foodie. Creativity must be cultivated here. So I’m doing reviews on some of my favorite grocery stores for when the bank account’s contents have gone out to a long lunch.

Woodman’sGod, I love Woodman’s. God, it’s so FAR

if you don’t have a car. If you can drive, then by all means, it’s only a 15-minute ride.

But at an average of 40 minutes to get to the one on South Gammon road (and that’s one way), discounted produce tastes so much less sweet. But they do have the fairest price on produce in Madison that I have found.

Fresh MarketAh, the convenient bane of my gro-

cery shopping existence. You got to give it to Fresh, it’s close to so much, it’s large and it has a diverse selection. The fresh-squeezed orange juice is the stuff of gods (and they have coupons for it on the back of some receipts). I am a fan of their nut selection— I’ve said it before, the Dieter’s Delight brings sunshine to a bleak world. The prices are RIDICULOUS though. A bottle of grapeseed oil? ELEVEN DOLLARS! I’ve found that same size bottle and quality at Trader Joe’s for $3.50. Speaking of which....

Trader Joe’s (TJ’s)TJ’s is by far my favorite store. It’s about

a 15-minute ride from campus and totally walkable, being around the corner from Union South. It’s fair, it has FREE samples and at least tries to sell the illusion of health (bottled green juices, organic seals). But if I am honest, I come here for the TV dinners. Yes, the TV dinners. The chicken tikka masa-la is AMAZING, and the buttery jasmine rice that goes along with it—LE SIGH. Taste buds love it. It also has the fairest prices for oil in this city. Organic coconut oil—$6. Same jar is $9 at Whole Foods and $11 at Fresh!

I want to get to know the other markets here: Copps, Capitol Center Foods, Willy

Street Co-Op. Do you all have any other suggestions? Let’s save money together because summer is coming and it’s time to prepare for the freedom to cook tasty meals... on a budget, that is.

Have some suggestions for Gethsemane?

Want to plan some money-saving meals for the upcoming week with Gethsemane? Email her at herroncoward@wisc.edu, clip out some coupons and go with her to local stores to scout out best deals Madison has to offer.

By Elana Bellathe daily cardinal

“Don’t worry, it’s just a test!” While I hate it when people say

this, it is a positive way to look at studying. With finals just around the corner, I’m going to provide you with the right technique and guidance to make this year’s finals a breeze.

Through various methods, the goal this year will be to de-stress the test; in other words, make it as least stressful as possible.

While studying is the key to success, another important part to remember is giving your brain a break. There are many great ways to do this. The one I recommend is yoga.

This year yoga has become very popular. It teaches control, medita-tion and relaxation. Hot yoga, another form of regular yoga, takes all of these methods and incorporates heat into it. The whole concept to any form of yoga is to focus on your breathing and noth-ing else, thus emptying your mind.

With all the information we try to cram into our brains when study-ing for finals, it is a good idea to take

some time and focus on something else. Studies have in fact proven that we study better and retain informa-tion more when we take breaks in 30-60 minute intervals.

Using the idea of taking breaks and emptying our minds, along with the new fad of hot yoga, I have provided a list of what’s hot and what’s not when you’re studying for finals.

Finals are a stressful time for every-one. As we near summer it is hard to push ourselves any further and at times it seems easier to just give up, but this year will be different.

Try something new this year and take a break. The hot and not list is endless; make up your own and find what fits you best.

Regardless of what you choose to do, make an oath that this year you’re going to de-stress the test!

For more helpful hints on how to keep your cool for this semester’s final exams, shoot Elana an email at ebcharles@wisc.edu. She’ll clue you in to some suc-cessful and not so successful go-to meth-ods she uses for keeping calm and movin’ on when finals come bearing down.

life&stylel

Analyzing Madison’s top grocery stores

De-stressing for the test

Five fool-proof tips to help you ‘spring’ into fashion this April and May

dailycardinal.com Wednesday, april 3, 2013 5

By Courtney Pelotthe daily cardinal

The days are getting longer, and slowly but surely it’s getting warmer outside. Sadly, it’s not shorts and T-shirt weather quite yet. For those of you who have spring fever and are anxiously waiting for the beautiful, warm and sunny days on the Terrace, here are my top five ways to add a bit of spring into your life right now.

Five Tips to “spring” into Fashion

Tip One: Try painting your nails with a bright, white polish. Because of the neutral color, it goes great with just about any outfit. You can find Essie’s “Marshmallow” polish at Walgreens for $8.50. I bought it and fell instantly in love with how my nails pop with this shade on. This will definitely be your

go-to nail color this spring and well into the summer.

Tip Two: Right now, spring in Wisconsin means early mornings starting out in the 30s. However, by mid-afternoon, it can creep up to the 60s. This temperature leap can make it difficult to figure out what to wear in the morning that will get you through the day without sweat-ing. For starters, layering is your friend. Layer a mixture of light jackets, blaz-ers and cardigans over tees and tanks. Second, add a bright or floral scarf to keep you warm and add spring flair to your outfit.

Tip Three: Jealous of those who spent their spring breaks tanning on the beach? Or are you trying to find a way to make your tan last? Try the self-tanner I swear by, the one I find myself ordering again

and again. I use Sephora Collection’s Tinted Self-Tanning Body Mist. A five ounce bottle, the size I usually purchase, goes for just $15 and new 1.5 ounce spray bottles are just $6. This spray is incred-ibly easy to use. It’s never orange or streaky and dries quickly. It even smells nice—unlike the unsettling smell that accompanies most self-tanners.

Tip Four: A great way to add spring into your wardrobe is with the addition of floral prints and flowers. Wear a floral blazer, top or skinny jeans. You can even add this pattern to your look with your accessories, like a flowered handbag or scarf. I recently scored a pair of floral rain boots I am excited to wear for all of April’s showers. This idea can even be captured with hair accessories. Try a cute floral print headband or even a flower crown head wrap.

Tip Five: Make your lips scream “spring” by adding a quick pop of color. You can try a pale pink gloss or stain, which is the perfect companion to a lit-tle mascara and simple beige eye shad-ow for class. Or, you can amp up your pout with that bright, berry-pink lip color that nearly every celeb is caught sporting these days. I’m dying to get my hands on Bite Beauty’s High Pigment Matte Pencil in “Quince-rose berry,” which you can find at Sephora for $24. The color is bright and fun, yet not over the top.

There you have it—five simple methods to get you pumped for spring. Happy shopping!

Want more tips on how to “spring into fashion” this April and May? Email Courtney at cpelot@wisc.edu for style tips and techniques that are sure to get you ready for the smell of fresh cut grass and lilacs.

HotYoga: There are many different types of yoga including barre, yoga TRX, flow yoga, hot yoga, power yoga, etc. Find which one suits your preferences and needs.

Running: Running allows you to focus on your body and movement, which is a great break for long study sessions. Try running outside with no music. It provides more open space to roam and can feel more freeing.

Sports: Sports are a great way to de-stress. Shoot some hoops, start a pick-up game of soccer; anything you enjoy that’s a physical activity to calm your anxiety.

Snacking: Yes, eating does count as a break and provides much-needed energy during hour-long study sessions! Try snacking on healthier foods like veggies or a piece of fruit.

Not so HotCramming: This is never a good method for studying. It is not only ineffective, but can end up causing additional stress.

All-Nighters: Sleep is crucial! The next day you will be tired and slower no matter how much you prepared for the exam.

Stress Eating: We’re only human, so craving chocolate, cake and ice cream is only natural when we’re scared, nervous or sad. Although it tastes good, it offers nothing in the way of benefits or relief, so avoid the tempta-tion and stick to something more healthy during snack breaks!

Succumbing to your Stress: You are almost done. Use sum-mer as your means of motiva-tion to keep you going. Don’t let your stress control you; control your stress.

GREY SATTERFiEld/the daily cardinal

the produce at Madison Fresh Market is conveniently located, but expensive.

arts6 Wednesday, April 3, 2013 dailycardinal.com l

I t’s like this: Proust was walking one way up the street and I was walking

one way down the street. We’ve got plans, each of us, busy schedules. But our eyes meet. We recognize each other. I say “Hi.” He doffs his hat—he doffs something, at least—but I stop him. I’ve got a terrible habit of this, sometimes.

I’m acquainted with this guy, I wanna get to know him better, but I chose the wrong time, the wrong venue. And poor Proust here is checking his pocketwatch or arranging his handkerchief or retwirling that impeccable moustache of his. I finally realize it’s to our detriment, standing in the street like this, trying to strike up a momentous conversation. So it trails off.

But Proust—gracious Proust!—he wants me later. He says we’ll meet at a cafe some-time. Or grab some drinks. Until

then, adieu, adieu. And he turns the corner.

That was the week before spring break started, adapt-ed from the classic life of Sean Reichard. Okay, it’s not Academy caliber, but I work with what I got, and baby, I got… something.

Anyway, sidelining the side-track, not finishing books! I’ve written about it before—and I just know you’ve all experi-enced it before. But this, I feel, is a particular facet of that experi-ence worth exploring.

The gist of that opening story was this: I decided, against my better judgment, to start read-ing Marcel Proust in the middle of the semester, which is less a flight of fancy and more an intellectual triathlon. And let me tell you, I didn’t have the cleats for it. Sports, amirite?

To give you some perspec-tive, Marcel Proust’s big thing is his seven volume novel “In Search of Lost Time” or “A la recherche du temps perdu,” for you Francophiles in the audi-ence—instead of clapping, be sure to rattle your brie and Camus—and with each vol-ume measuring up somewhere

around 600-800 pages a pop, it’s a lot to just pick up all at once.

Well, I picked it up. And effectively threw out my back. It took me a week to get through half of “Swann’s Way,” and it probably would’ve been another week (at the most) to finish it. So, two weeks a volume x seven volumes in all = way too long to be spent reading Proust fitfully.

It was like an awkward tete-a-tete in the street, salvaged only by the realization that, unlike photons, books don’t whiz off randomly when you aren’t paying attention to them. They probably don’t move at all, for that matter; the land speed record of any given book evens out somewhere around a neat zero miles per hour. But what of flight speed record? That’s a column for another day.

I was wholly unprepared to be reading Proust alongside all the other stuff I need to do for school (read, fret, rinse, and repeat) and work (ibid) and The Daily Cardinal (ibid). Maybe I’m just a person susceptible to such phenomena, but I cer-tainly chose to read Proust at the wrong time.

But can this sort of thing

happen to anyone? Of course it can. Did you ever try pick-ing up some book in middle or high school in an attempt to look intelligent (I’m lookin’ at you, pseudo Randophiles, oh that sounds dirty)? Did you pick up some precious, hoarded chestnut you’d been saving for your next long weekend or fam-ily vacation, only to find that you weren’t in the right frame of mind to be reading? Did you, ‘gasp,’ enroll in a class here at UW that’s having you read something so heinously difficult or boring that you’re consider-

ing dropping that English major like a hot potato and entering the exciting world of selling fro-zen yogurt from a cardboard box and softly weeping? Hey, it’s either that or applying to the Business School.

In short, books can come to you at the wrong time, when you’re too busy with stuff and it can suck. It can be a major bummer. The only advice I can give, really, is to keep your chin up. It’s not the end of the world.

Did this column rattle your Camus? Be sure and tell Sean at sreichard@wisc.edu

‘Missed connections’ of a book loverSeanreichardquid pro quo

By andy holsteenThe dAily cArdinAl

Recently, The Daily Cardinal spoke with Laura Stevenson of Laura Stevenson and The Cans. Yeah, she’s an off-the-charts-talented singer and songwrit-er, so it was exciting to have a conversation about Wheel, the group’s full-length record set to release April 23. But what also came through from the inter-view was Stevenson’s superb-ly relaxed personality, which allowed her to speak about her music in an obviously sincere way—hopefully this transcrip-tion does justice to her fluid and often hilarious demeanor.

After a stretch of writing and preparation for Wheel, Stevenson is ecstatic to be back on the road

and touring with The Cans.“This year was busy just mak-

ing this record because I was doing a lot of writing—I don’t even know—whenever I could,” Stevenson said. “And then we were making the record. Then after the record was made we were just at home waiting for it to come out … just like sitting there wondering if people [were] going to like it. So now we’re like on the move, tour-ing, which is what we like to do; that makes us feel like people.”

Stylistically Laura Stevenson and The Cans lie somewhere among the genres of indie rock and folk, but isn’t at all easy to lump into one category. However, every song begins the same way: with Stevenson put-ting it together by herself.

“I write the songs,” Stevenson said. “So I’ll like write them alone, so they’re small, you know, because I’m writing them with an acoustic guitar and my voice.”

Even though Stevenson writes the songs, sometimes her ideas for what they should sound like are too lofty.

“So the songs are in their form—

they’re composed—then we all just like arrange them together, make them bigger, make them smaller, you know, it depends,” Stevenson said. “Sometimes they talk me down; I’m like ‘Okay, this song’s going to have this crazy noise part.’

And they’re like ‘No, it’s pretty much just a folk song, so you should just play it yourself.’ And I’m like ‘Alright [laughs], fair enough.’”

While Stevenson had to abandon some of her noise sec-tions, so far people have enjoyed

the new songs from Wheel. “Yeah we played the Don

Giovanni showcase in February. We played some of the quiet stuff.” Stevenson said. “We just started playing the quiet stuff and people really, really liked it.”

The Cardinal’s interview with singer Laura Stevenson

laura Stevenson and The cans set to release Wheel April 23

Graphic By anGel lee

photo By dave Garwacke

comics

ASKING FOR THE RIGHT DIRECTIONS

ACROSS 1 Mischievous rascal 6 Invitation initials 10 Takes measures 14 Courtroom address

(with “your”) 15 “Too many to list”

abbr. 16 What an X-Acto knife

might make 17 A face in the crowd? 18 Grand Theft ___ 19 Vocal pitch 20 Where expensive furs

may be 23 Greenskeeper’s

purchase 25 “The Rum ___ Tugger”

(“Cats” tune) 26 Stir from sleep 27 It may be gross 29 Email command 32 Basement’s opposite 33 Certain muscle injury 34 Make a quick note of 37 Cabbie’s question 41 Unwelcome answers,

usually 42 “Beau Geste” author 43 Classic TV’s “The ___

Limits” 44 Track of a wild

animal 46 Certain Greek

islander

47 WWI French common soldier

50 Winning X or O 51 Checks for ages, say 52 Safe 57 Internalize one’s

anger 58 Paris’ ___ Gauche 59 Hot rod’s sound 62 Flower box location 63 Creative starting

point 64 The blahs 65 Hard to catch, in a

way 66 Company car, for

example 67 Bow lubricant

DOWN 1 Feminine pronoun 2 “Cougar Town”

actress Courteney 3 Remedies 4 Daybreak, in poetry 5 It makes perfect 6 Bailiwick 7 Alternative to draw

or hold ‘em 8 Winery vessels 9 Central story line 10 Off-track 11 Dagger’s go-with 12 Hint of color 13 17th-century painter

Jan 21 Caught stealing 22 Head-turner in a tree

23 Salmon do it 24 Prefix for “pedic” 28 Christmas tree type 29 Direct to a source 30 Make, as a salary 31 A person paid to play 33 Bullfight word 34 Throws, as from an

airplane 35 Mountain nymph of

Greek myth 36 Some swallows 38 More than one 39 Besides 40 ___ and cry (public

clamor) 44 At a snail’s pace 45 Sta-___ (old fabric

softener brand) 46 Act lovey-dovey 47 Ad hoc group of

lawmen 48 Navel formation? 49 “What did ___ you?” 50 Make a minor

adjustment to 53 Big game-show prize 54 Animal cover or take

cover 55 “Thanks ___ so much!” 56 1962 Bond thriller 60 “OK by moi” 61 60 secs.

Answer key available at www.dailycardinal.com

Today’s Crossword Puzzle

Did his butt also sing one of his songs? When Tupac was in prison, Jim Carrey used to

write him funny letters to help him smile and laugh.

The Produce Aisle By Jacob Densow densow@wisc.edu

First In Twenty By Angel Lee alee23@wisc.edu

Caved In By Nick Kryshak nkryshak@wisc.edu

Drinking Tea on Stilts© Puzzles by Pappocom

Solution, tips and computer program available at www.sudoku.com.

Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9.

Today’s Sudoku

dailycardinal.com Wednesday, April 3, 2013 • 7

Eatin’ Cake Classic By Dylan Moriarty www.EatinCake.com

Evil Bird Classic By Caitlin Kirihara graphics@dailycardinal.com

Sports DailyCarDinal.ComweDneSDay april 3, 2013

men’s Tennis

wisconsin goes cold, drops five straightBy rushad machhiThe Daily carDinal

While the weather was freezing the past few months, the Wisconsin men’s tennis team started off its season hot, going 10-2 in its first 12 meets. But last week, while many students ventured to warmer regions, it was the tennis team that went, not cold, but freezing, getting demolished in five meets.

The Badgers (1-3 Big Ten, 10-7 overall) left the sanctuary of Nielsen Tennis Stadium for the first time this season March 23 and headed to Ann Arbor, Mich., to face a dangerous Michigan squad (4-1, 9-7).

The Badgers started off strong, capturing the dou-bles point, but things went down-hill quickly from there for UW as the No. 31 Wolverines feasted on

the Badgers, taking every singles match without dropping a set. Even the once-invincible senior Alexander Kostanov could not muster a victory, giving him his first singles loss of the season.

With one day to recover from the Michigan loss, the Badgers traveled to East Lansing, Mich., hoping to right themselves against

No. 53 Michigan State (2-3, 8-10). Instead, they got swept. Wisconsin’s singles team continued to struggle, with senior Billy Bertha the only one to win a set, and the normally strong doubles squad dropped its point for only the third time this season.

Looking for some warmth, the Badgers headed south to Raleigh, N.C., to face No. 38 North Carolina State (5-1

ACC, 12-6). Unfortunately, it was clearly not warm enough in North Carolina for the Badgers, as they once again could not pick up a match. The Badgers did show a little more life in this sweep, as they had some very close matches in singles, but no one could break through and earn a point, including the dou-bles group, which again could not salvage a point.

The Badgers ended their first road trip of the sea-son unsuccessfully and returned home to face a strong No. 19 Illinois team (4-1, 11-7), hoping to send their conference record back to .500. The friendly confines of Nielsen inspired the Badgers to turn around their recent doubles funk and earn their first point in their last 14 chances. However, the

Badgers could not end their singles drought against the Fighting Illini, losing all six of the matches again

and finally giving Illinois something to cheer about. Kostanov almost broke through, splitting the first two sets in his match and playing a fierce tie-breaker in the third that resulted in a heartbreaking 9-11 loss.

Fully immersed in the Big Ten season, the Badgers looked to bounce

back against another familiar foe in No. 26 Northwestern (17-5, 3-2) last weekend. The Badgers started off strongly once again, winning the doubles point. However, the trend in singles continued as UW lost the match overall, 2-5, los-ing five of the six singles matches. Although most Badgers struggled against Northwestern, freshman

Jakhongir Jalalov gave UW some-thing to build on by winning the first singles match in their last thirty singles matches, ending the day with his 6-3, 6-4 victory.

The Big Ten boasts many strong teams this year, and the No. 70 Badgers will face another as they head to Columbus, Ohio Friday to attempt to pull off a monumental upset against No. 7 Ohio State (5-0, 20-2).

Badgers’ results last five meets

opponent resultat no. 31 Michigan l, 6-1at no. 53 Michigan State l, 7-0at no. 38 nc State l, 7-0vs no. 19 illinois l, 6-1 vs no. 26 northwestern l, 5-2

Once again, unpredictability of Final Four reigns supreme

M ost of the fun is over. We have just three games left in this year’s NCAA

tournament, and then I can’t write another college hoops column for... well, until next week.

March wasn’t as mad as we might have hoped for. But regard-

less of how few truly exciting fin-ishes we’ve had, the Final Four usually finds a way to tickle our fancies, even if one team appears to be a shoe-in to win it all, as many have pegged Louisville this season.

The Cardinals are the only pre-tournament favorite that made it to the final weekend. I’m sure you know someone who picked Michigan or Syracuse, but neither of those teams was an overwhelm-ingly popular choice a few weeks ago. I’m pretty sure you don’t know anyone who picked Wichita

State to make it to Atlanta—not even the guy who seemingly chooses every upset “in one of his brackets.” That guy blows.

Once again, the Madness has managed to give us a group of semi-finalists we certainly didn’t expect.

Everyone has his or her own approach in selecting the Final Four. Some people use the same criteria every season while others differ their picks based on how the season has played out. (For example, picking Big Ten teams to make deep runs was a popular

strategy this time around.)The formula (or lack thereof) to

correctly predict the regional cham-pions is beyond me. As far as I’m concerned, there is no e=mc^2 to March Madness, despite the many hypotheses as to what makes a par-ticular team Final Four worthy:

A slew of seniors; an upper-classmen core with tournament experience; a veteran point guard; elite coaching; a head coach who’s “been there before;” NBA-caliber players; teams that have had a six-game win streak; teams that can win at road or neutral locations; and teams that enter the tourney playing their better brand of hoops.

It turns out Final Four teams don’t necessarily need any of those characteristics. I’ve been trying to crack the code to correctly picking the semifinalists ever since I filled out my first bracket in 2000, and I think I’m finally onto something.

Final Four teams simply need three guys who can get the job done. It doesn’t need to be the same three players throughout the tour-nament. And they don’t all have to be scorers, defenders or any other specific type of player.

In order to win a regional, a squad needs three guys who come to play each night. Other players will fill into their particular role, whether it’s a scorer off the bench or a morale-boosting type of guy.

I’d love to dissect every Final Four team from the last 25 years to see if this theory holds true, but I think the few examples I’ll lay out should at least give some legitimacy to the three-guy theory.

Three years ago, Kentucky had as much pure talent as any college basketball roster in recent memory—five Wildcats were selected in the first round of the 2010 NBA Draft, includ-ing three in the lottery. However, No. 1-seeded Kentucky lost to West Virginia in the Elite Eight (and just for comparison’s sake, WVU had two players selected in the second round of the draft).

Do-it-all forward Da’Sean Butler, Devin Ebanks and Kevin Jones, the last of which devel-oped into a poor man’s version of Butler and Ebanks, were the

Mountaineers’ primary perform-ers in the NCAA tournament. But it wasn’t just those three guys.

Wellington Smith, a bruiser down low, helped to hold Kentucky’s DeMarcus Cousins in check in the Elite 8. Joe Mazzulla, WVU’s pri-mary ball handler, was intricate in the Mountaineers’ Sweet 16 win over a pesky Washington team.

The following season, Virginia Commonwealth was playing like ass before the tourney. The Rams, which entered the NCAA tourna-ment with a 3-5 record in their previous eight games, almost didn’t even make the field.

You know the story: Eleventh-seeded VCU won five games in 12 days and reached the Final Four.

Bradford Burgess was VCU’s primary scorer, Jamie Skeen gave the team an inside presence and Joey Rodriguez facilitated the Rams’ up-tempo offense, averag-ing more than seven assists per game in the tournament. Beyond those three players, Brandon Rozzell exploded for 26 points to help VCU past Georgetown. Darius Theus provided qual-ity minutes off the bench, espe-cially during his eight-point, six-rebound display in a one-point overtime win over Florida State.

Off the top of my head, I’m not sure there’s been a better three-guy team than this year’s Michigan squad. The Wolverines lost their final two games before Selection Sunday, but they’ve had three guys come to play in each game of the tourney. Trey Burke and Mitch McGary have been big for Michigan throughout, and either Nik Stauskas, Glen Robinson III or Tim Hardaway Jr., has stepped up in a big way in at least one game during the Wolverines’ run.

I’m not sure the Final Four has a code to be cracked. It’s the most unpredictable postsea-son in sports—one-and-done for six-straight rounds. But if you remember this column next March, give the three-guy theory a chance. And then please share your winnings with me.

Will you try the three-guy theory next year? Let Vince know what you think by sending him an email at sports@dailycardinal.com.

VinCe HUTHhuth the truth

BerTHa

JalaloV