The Cowboy Chronicles

7/29/2019 The Cowboy Chronicles

1/60

The Cowboy Chronicles

By: Christina Pakozdi

Welcome to the Cowboy Chronicles
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2/60

Your head will be full of soot and dirt, and your heart will be wretched from

its very place. You will want to cling to the clouds, and kick the devils face

in.

You will be stranded in the desert, with only demons to guide you. Here,penguins can fly and you can dance on water. But let me warn you, there

are no roads. You will have to find your own way. There is only one city.

And in the centre of it stands a statue of the most lovely man on earth.

But that man left that city. He left that world. and now there are rebels

everywhere.

But there is also music, and providence. So do not fear, when you come in

here. The Cowboy Chronicles will make you burst and heave. Enjoy.

He`s the cocoa

There`s nothing but love

Maybe

Just maybe

He will be around for Christmas


3/60

And clink glasses with me as midnight comes around

And we could love each other into a new year

You exist, and that in itself is magic. We happened, and you gave me a lion heart. Now I am

only brave and enduring because you found me. How in the world did you find me love. When I

cried, you cried. My sadness was yours as well, and vice versa. I will try to kiss you through the

dark sky before I sleep, and through the lazy mornings as I wake up.


4/60

Its not your fault I have these demons. You have your own terrible, terrible demons as well. In

your absence I feel the truest heartache. You were the rational one. But I came all this way

because of you. As the snow fell today, I missed you. I missed you because I wanted so badly

to show you the snow. Its not like we are provinces apart. You saw the snow, just like me. But I

wanted you to take me out and hold me there, with the flakes surrounding us like the purest of

blankets. I think what I am trying to say is that you pulled me from a hellish mind, and gave me

enough strength to go it alone. I love you.


5/60

There is nothing like being best friends with the saddest of songs

And there is nothing like befriending the pictures I took of you

I cant seem to sleep

Even though sleep is the best think I could do right now

But all that would do is take me to tomorrow

Where I would wake up

Wake up without you

Good morning sunshine, no more


6/60

You left something at my house

It was not physical

It is nothing you can hold

You left something I cannot feel with my hands

But rather with my heart


7/60

I miss his green eyes

He was my fuckery

Now Im all alone

With monuments of him inside my head

There is no cloud nine, for he is the only cloud in my mind

And when the world burns

I will run too him


8/60

My heart exploded into a nebula of uncanny pain

I am the enchantress from the stars

And when these abnormal cells consume me

I will burst into flames

And shoot gamma rays of ferocious hate your way


9/60

Youre my space hero

My Orion

I wont burn through your atmosphere

Like the other unloving asteroids

Youre my cowboy constellation

Ill rotate around you

Ill be your extra moon

Triton wont have anything on me


10/60

Ive written poems and sentences provoked by other men

But Ive just come to find out all of them are really about you

You are the truest wonderousness

Your tears shattered my world

And when I held you

I knew that just because we were over

There was no fucking way I could love another

No way, no how

You are the gold to my heart

Now I finally know why birds were created

Eagles, to portray your fierceness

Owls to show you are otherworldly and strange

And doves, to show you are lovely beyond comprehension


11/60

He was born from a melody

His kindness seeped into my life and belief

which had been laying dormant inside me for so long

grew as he showered me

Showered me with understanding and patience


12/60

How can a month feel like forever

I should have traced along your lips when I had the chance

You are a haunting

You are the most powerful predecessor

The one that got away


13/60

I would traverse all the solemn suburbs in the world

Just to be by her side

I feel the affection of her heart emanating through her eyes

The most innocent soul

And when she looks upon the antiquity of a novel

Her eyes linger upon its words

The most gentle person I have ever known

Her fascination with all that is old

She is a corner of the world that society has yet to explore

Such a luxurious spirit

She is not frail, she is fiercer than eagles or leopards

She has no chuckle

she has a laugh as genuine as the books that surround us

These are my joys

These are my journeys

When I spend Tuesday's with Lisa


14/60

Hello, new ghost

I have your number

I cannot stop thinking of your features, your face

You are passive and normal

Oh how I need your normal


15/60

I am the good news moonWith frivolous hair

No infection can stop this heart

I want to forget all my sharpened fears


16/60

All the things I would burn to be by your side

But youYou could stay away forever

You disgraceful lover

I will bury you alive

You are the stalest fucker


17/60

He is not a liar

He is not a bad man

He is goodnessAnd we will shine in the skies like two great planets

the yin and yang of the universe

Like two great independents


18/60

Enlighten me with your honeysuckle hair

Love my transgender heart

Im not a sunken ship

Just a beached boatOh, your a hell of a guy

I have letches for you


19/60

My words are boring

In the depth of sickness, I have nothing in my creative limbs

Thank god for children

Or walk-in clinics would be colourless and bland


20/60

You are my forever being

You will last longer in my heart than a maple in the earth

So this is my life

So this is my heart

And I have nothing you gave me

Nothing that was yoursSo you became a dream

The memories into flashbacks

You are my dog days

You have my vengeance

You are a powerful remark


21/60

I`ll take minutes out of my day to remember you

As if you were a fallen soldier

Or a remote soul

My feet

They move from place to place

And in my wake

I leave your traceEveryday I get stronger

Because I bear the weight of you on my chest


22/60

Could I find a man who gives me atmosphere

Alas, I am a fair maiden

Since you stepped off my grass, I have sought only solitude

Its the musics I match with

And all my literary dreams

Their kinship is all i have needed


23/60

Ive tied my pleasures to his inches

Always too perturbed by any other mans notions

Allergic to their futile desires

I am not a wreckage any longer

For him I would be a Manson

For him I would be a Dahmer

I am a full grown willow tree

Always weeping

You are now a fugitive in my landYou ran

You hid

You threaten my very freedom

My precious thing

Let your place of isolation be permanent

Lest I should volunteer you to the hyenas and the panthers


24/60

Were the reasons ever clear

Do you remember the swan in the water

Do you remember the mosquito swarmed evenings

You are my cherished being

You have eclipsed all humans

I would throw myself into the river should you ever vanish

Minute beatings of the heart

I have set my truths in gear

I am snake

I am wraithLet the gods accept you

And when the heavens break free

Those gods shall escort you to me


25/60

Ill run away to Edinburgh tonight

With just my songbird

Flying high

A suitcase and these wretched lines

I am exhausted, but I can never seem to escape you enough

My hair is wild

Its 4 in the morning

And I cant seem to settle

You strangle my placid dreams

But what am I to you

You big dummy


26/60

I need to leave town

to forget how I was your babe

Ill move Texas

Get a job at a call centre

And find another lover

Another green

All the things i would do to fucking forget you


27/60

Can you hear my frequency

I call

With supersonic force

Do you think of all the things you will never have

After you turned your back

Oh, want an evil deed


28/60

I was born from an eclipse

the moon saved my heart

the sun, oh sun

you are the strangest relative

You have never been wicked

I love the flames and the fires

because they are you in disguise

But I feel the winter rains, because the cowboy has left the building

I have to go back for him

But I wont

He will wither and fail

because he left me and Sol


29/60

From the recesses of my weary mind

Your image is reflected onto every chair and couch in my home

My memory rewinds and repeats

The city is blooming once more

I remember the muddy waters we peered at and loved


30/60

I miss you biting my neck

My own sweet little cowboy

You rebuilt me

Id give anything to be your dearest again

The heat from last summer warmed my heart for a lifetime

My lovely sweet giant

You are as tall as trees

You loved the tragedy out of me

This summer is mine alone

I will always wonder about my friend, my guy

Now its just solitude and I


31/60

I have medals of war all over my soul

Being alone gets such a bad rap

I love the rain

And all the words on a page

Sometimes I feel bad for all the wrong reasons

Theres no reason for me to loathe my melancholy days


32/60

The sun is my flower

I am mother natures vessel

I am spirited away by the thought of his eyes

Please dont ever let the summer set

Because I have groove in my bones

Give me an ancient watch, and time shall go on forever

I will always have the wheel

But you, you are a coward

The moment you left, my soul cursed you

I will always be in the back of your eyes

When you lust, you will lust for me

I was the tramp you loved

And when you rest your head at night, with an inebriated condition

Just remember, I am the land to your tumultuous ocean


33/60

Will he feel his consequences

Will it lure him into the satisfaction of my arms

Is he whole

Is he free

Does he bed with another woman yet

Does he enter a different room on constant nights

Let the explosions in the sky warn him of his infidelity to our married souls

My particles still meet with his, so frequently

They march to and fro

Because the memories let them do so


34/60

How can I keep my composure

I scream at the air as if you could hear me

My tears are fluent in thoughts of you

All the weeping willows of my insides

If you saw me again

Would you fold at the sight of me

Would your words be as true as the day that you left me

Do you still grasp onto beer bottles


35/60

I almost saw the evilest man in the world tonightI want him to parade with me across the streets and sidewalks again

And be extravagantly careless

He could have led me into destruction

Again

Again

But when I lay my head down at the end of the day

Its you that I think of

You who have brought me to this soulful sanctuary I call me

There is no one

you are absolete

Goodnight

Goodbye


36/60

Flowers and sunbeams

Indifference has my backMost girls have self esteem dreams

Bleach blonde locks and the style of scene

Those arent my dreams

I have my unique finesse

Yet I like my men old fashioned

With whiskey in one hand and their heart in the other

Discovering yourself feels like discovering Asia

With its spices and decadent cloth

Ive got blonde hair I'm told people are jealous of

Ill always love his imperfections


37/60

You got lost in the wind

Its ok

I love youI need you

You never left me heartless

You just let me down


38/60

I free my dreams

I fear my heart

I have no more words

I have lost my art


39/60

I never see us meeting again

The future has engulfed any memory of you

You are no longer

You have disappeared

I have kissed you off

Finally


40/60

I spent the entirety of a day surrounded by books

Plentiful

But I still came home to the ghost of you


41/60

You are underneath my nails

This tea can only comfort me for so long

Showers just arent the same

Its time to come home now, my dear


42/60

The evils of feeling

I still remember your tears upon my palms

I cannot replace you

I cannot forget you

People spend their whole lives wanting to love with such nakedness

It is almost summer again

Almost

How can I feel the warmth of the sun without you beside me

That feeling will make me sick to my stomache

To love you was to love a timebomb


43/60

I wonder of you pang like i do

I hope you do

How could you not

He removed my dog days

He never rests

Never breaks

Hes teeming with talent

What a songbird

What a voice

Hes quite a friend

He respects my truths

Me and him, we are the revolvers

The weapons of the youth

We are the golden eyes


44/60

We sprung from the digital underground

We cannot stop the booms in the sky

But we can stop wars

With all our might


45/60

Hell always be my perfect babe

As sunlight pounds my window

I dare not leave my cave

For a footstep out of this door

Is a deathwish


46/60

My exploding cells will traverse the stars

I leap from word to word

I have a promiscuous vocabulary

I love my floorboards

They give me my bearings


47/60

Give me back my cowboy lover

Ill get all the aliens to aid me

I put six months aside to preserve your memory

Ill put in a little more than five more

What did you do, my dear

Is your future sight fogged and weary

Your song is wicked, yet it plays over and over within my ears

Ill never forget you

My flame

My fury


48/60

I say hello to strange

He wears a bowtie and has the oldest eyes

I have to get my bearings

For it is bigger on the inside

He lies at the heart of the universe

His phone rings

Is it Tolstoy

is it Jackson

He is nomadic

very very clever

His hearts are beating

His soul is rosy

I love him all the time

All the time


49/60

The warmth of summer stings heavy on my heart

You still roam my halls

I lay in silence

As the wreckage of you lies all around me everywhere I go

My soul, I cannot control it

It waits for you to wander out of the darkness

You were my Rochester

You welcomed my stubborn ways


50/60

I am a fresh blend of the good and the worstBut my heart still pours from the skies

I give all credit to Cowboy and Tividar

For they are the fellows

They are the strong giants

As I trek through disasters

And pass through great calm

I carry the hearts

of the best loves ever known


51/60

I am quiet in my contemplations

I try to be the best at what I doI worship the words of every dialect

Of every tongue

Me gusta

Sehr viel

These words are like ants

they are like mice

they skitter and skatter throughout my mindfield


52/60

I am in love with Zeus

Its clear

Its obviousI would burn foals for him

Hera is my foe

I will be his freakshow

For I am a sinner

Nothing can strike me down

I have his bolts

I am his blonde tramp


53/60

I suffer from pestilence

Your departure has made me weary

I dream of apocalypses and deaths

Anything where I could find myself suddenly by your sideOur conversations were liquid

So constant

So moving


54/60

Restless ideas

All the chasms between us

With pen in hand, I will traverse to the largest mountains and the most remote temples

And embed your name into the stones


55/60

I miss my trash factor

My promiscuous ways

How could I turn back now, after such a man

I cant be with another

Nor can I bed with one

I am wastedI am a creature

I used to be the most quintessential whore


56/60

You stole me away from the suave dream

You tampered with all the betrayals that had befallen on me

You were mine

For a while nine months time

You were my friend

You were my lover

You were my everythingI once knew a man who turned me blue

Who turned me green

He turned my evils into demons

And you turned my demons into beggars


57/60

My marches are wild

It is clear, I only love fools

from Rico to Cowboy

From a desert to a forest

And what a forest it was

It gave me nutrition's and beyond

So I built a grand hall from its woodsAnd built a statue from the bones of the deceased

Within the forest, I ate the berries and nuts

For there was never too little

But one day I had to leave that beautiful forest

I kissed its trunks goodnight, goodbye

I dont know how my dear forest is doing know

I loved it with all my heart

I trust the insects and the animals watch over it

making sure no gypsy stays longer than a fortnight

Now I stay in the delicious plains

Where I run free

and I can see my surroundings all around me


58/60

Trial by fire

I never saw him through rose coloured glasses

He was never put on any pedestal

his face materialized from the depths of my horrid affairs

When he left me, he left condensation from his love on my ceiling

So I gaze at it every night

And every morning

It drips upon my eyes

So it looks like I have been cryingOh baby, its just your aftermath


59/60

You were there at my worst

I am tougher than ever

You are the nurturer to my vitals

We were quite a band

I know we are always forever

because i remember your preternatural eyes


60/60

Ill let the heat of last summer fester in your failure

Ive crashed back into the cowboy constellation

Only to find out its a galaxy

With planets undiscovered

Theres the Shamokin planet

With its illustrious atmosphere of green and burgundy

and Metalhead moon, thats blazing with life

Oh, I have only touched the surface of these plants

the surface of this galaxy

I may suffocate in these atmospheres

But I would die in the lovliest waysIn the Cowboy galaxy

The Cowboy Chronicles

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