The Center for Family Safety and Healing

It’s Abuse:

Teen Dating Abuse

Framing the Conversation

• What are you observing?– In our society?– In your community?– With your students?

Dating Violence Common by 7th Grade: Survey

• Psychological and physical abuse is a common facet of

dating for America's adolescents.

• Researchers who polled more than 1,400 seventh

graders found that more than 37% of 11- to 14-year

olds had been the victim of some form of psychological

violence, and almost one in six said they were victims

of physical violence while in an ongoing relationship.

7th Grade: Survey Cont.

• 49% said they had been sexually harassed, either physically

or verbally, by being touched inappropriately or joked about.

• 7% percent strongly agreed that it was okay for a boy to hit his

girlfriend under certain circumstances, such as "a girl who

makes her boyfriend jealous on purpose." Interestingly, 50%

strongly agreed that it was OK for a girl to hit her boyfriend in

the same situation.

What is Teen Dating Abuse?

Abuse is about...

Power & Control

… A pattern of behaviors where

one partner acts to obtain & maintain

power & control over the other partner

Extent of the Problem• 1 in 3 teen girls & 1 in 5 teen boys is a victim of TDA

• 1 in 5 tweens say friends are victims of TDA & nearly half know

friends who are verbally abused

• 1 in 3 sexually active teen girls report experiencing physical

or sexual violence from partners

• Only 33% of teens who were in a violent relationship ever told

anyone about the abuse.

(Teenage Research Unlimited, Technology & Teen Dating Abuse Survey, 2007; Teenage Research Unlimited, Teen Dating Abuse Survey, 2009; Davis, A., MPH. 2008; Decker, M., Silverman, J., Raj, A. 2005; Liz Claiborne Inc. 2005; Teenage Research Unlimited, 2008)

An Abusive Partner…• Is usually first Possessive & Isolates the victim

• Uses Coercive Control to deny or restrict partner’s basic freedoms– Imposes control through patterns of coercive & assaultive behavior – Makes her fight for freedom of thought / action– Bullies the victim into doing things she does/does not want to do or prevents the victim from

doing what she wants– Entrapment

• Feels Entitled to special privilege & perceives self as primary importance in the relationship (sense of superiority)

• Denies, minimizes or justifies behavior– Blames their behavior on her– Tells the victim it’s her fault that their behavior bothers her

Types of Abusive Behaviors

Types of Coercive Control Examples

Verbal Humiliation, insults, put downs, constant blaming or dissatisfaction, yelling…

Psychological/Emotional Psychological torture, jealousy, crazy-making behavior, threats, intimidation…

Sexual Unwanted touching, reproductive coercion, forced sex, using alcohol or drugs to get sex…

Physical Hitting, slapping, punching, pinching, strangulation, shoving…

Digital Controlling access to technology, excessive or unwanted text messages.

TDA Power & Control Wheel

• Harmful language• Social Standing• Technology• Intimidation• Minimizing, Denying, Blaming• Threats• Sexual Coercion, Assault,

Harassment• Exclusion• Physical Violence

Warning Signs of an Abused Teen

• Make changes in daily rituals

• Retreat from school or activities and experience isolation or withdraw from friends/family

• Making changes in clothing/appearance or wear clothing inappropriate for the weather to hide marks

• Having visible marks or bruises

• Exhibit anxiety, depression, or engage in substance abuse or other high risk behaviors

• Receive excessive or unwanted texting, calls, or emails

Warning Signs of an Abusive Teen• Exhibit dependence on or obsession about gf/bf

• Be overly concerned with where their gf/bf is and with whom they are talking or spending time, may follow them or track their contact with others

• Make excessive and/or unwanted texts, calls or emails to the same person

• Use technology to stalk the person with whom they are involved

• Exhibit a controlling attitude toward others, or the person with whom they are involved

• Rationalize their monitoring, controlling, manipulative, violent or abusive behavior

YES/NO Activity

Select YES or NO for each of the 10 questions.

You must pick ONE side.

YES/NO Activity

All of your students are at risk for relationship abuse.

YES/NO Activity

Anger problems, drugs and/or alcohol are the reasons that

your student is abusive.

YES/NO Activity

Your student is in a same sex relationship so they don’t

have to worry about relationship abuse..

YES/NO Activity

If your student was in an abusive relationship, she

would just leave it.

YES/NO Activity

Your student will be safer as soon as she leaves an abusive

relationship.

YES/NO Activity

Your student is likely to return to an abusive relationship,

even if you help him leave it.

YES/NO Activity

Most parents believe that teen dating abuse isn’t an issue or admit that they don’t know if

it’s an issue.

YES/NO Activity

If your student is physically or sexually abused, she is six

times more likely to become pregnant and three times as

likely to get an STI.

YES/NO Activity

You and your staff would be able to tell if someone is abusive just by looking at

him/her.

YES/NO Activity

Your student is more likely to talk to their friends than

someone like you.

Bottom Line: Your Role

• Recognize, Respond, Refer• Safety Planning

Tips for Talking with Victims/Survivors

• Do you feel safe in your relationship? – Do you feel comfortable disagreeing with him/her?

– Do you feel you can spend as much time as you want with friends?

• I might have to tell the following people or organizations if you share details about abuse.

• I believe you.• People care about you. It’s not your fault. Telling someone

you have experienced abuse and need help doesn’t make you weak.

Safety Planning

• Being the target of someone else’s behavior is nothing to feel ashamed, judged or embarrassed about.

• I am concerned for your safety.• You may be afraid the abuse will get worse if you

tell someone. But it is actually likely to get worse over time on its own; being alone in this increases danger for you.

Interactive Safety Planning

INTERACTIVE SAFETY PLANNING

from www.loveisrepect.org

Barriers to Disclosure• Feelings of shame or self-blame

• Low self-esteem

• Loss of trust

• Unaware that acts are inappropriate, confusion

• Threats

• May think abuse is normal/deserved

• Believe professionals will not take them seriously

Barriers to Identification

• Lack of awareness of prevalence / severity• Not knowing how to intervene or what to say• Difficulty dealing with victim’s emotions• Too busy / not enough time to deal with situation• 81% of parents don’t think that teen dating

abuse is an issue or admit that they don’t know if it’s an issue

Reproductive Coercion

Reproductive CoercionReproductive Coercion is defined as behaviors related to reproductive health that one partner uses to maintain power and control in a relationship.

- Explicit attempts to impregnate a partner against her wishes

- Controlling the outcomes of a pregnancy- Coercing a partner to have unprotected sex- Interfering with birth control methods

Reproductive Coercion Resources

There are a number of resources provided by

Futures without Violence:

Hanging Out or Hooking Up Resource Cards

Futures Without Violence Toolkit:

http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/content/features/detail/2118/

Teens and Technology

Prevalence, Power, Prevention

Power and Control

How digital technology is used to abuse and harass teens

Power and Control• Teens with access to Internet on their

smartphones are more likely to be sexually active and twice as likely to engage in sexual activities with someone they met online.

• 50% of teens believe that computers and cell phones make abuse more likely to occur in teen dating relationships and make it easier to conceal from parents.

Power and Control• 1 in 3 teens say they are text messaged up to

30 times an hour by a partner or ex-partner inquiring where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with.

• 1 in 4 teens has been called names, harassed, or put down by a partner through cell phones and texting.

Power and Control• Only 9% of teens who are experiencing digital abuse

seek help, and rarely from parents or teachers.

• Victims of cyber bullying were almost three times as likely to also experience digital dating abuse or harassment.

• LGBTQ youth reported much higher rates of digital dating abuse and cyber bullying than heterosexual youth.

Power and Control• 96% of teens experiencing digital abuse and

harassment also experience other forms of violence or abuse from their partner.

– 2.4x more likely to be PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED

– 2.5x more likely to be PHYSICALLY ABUSED

– 5x more likely to be SEXUALLY COERCED

Prevention

What can you do?

Prevention• Don’t respond to hostile, harassing, abusive or inappropriate texts or messages. Responding can encourage the person who sent the message. Your messages might also get you in trouble and make it harder to get a restraining order or file a criminal report.

• Save or document troublesome texts as you may need them later for evidence in case you file a criminal report or ask for a restraining order.

• Many phone companies can block up to ten numbers from texting or calling you. Contact your phone company or check their website to see if you can do this on your phone.

Prevention

Circle of 6

An app for iPhone and Android that aids in dating abuse prevention by connecting teens with a network of trusted friends using GPS technology, anti-violence hotlines, and other online resources.

PreventionOnWatch

An app for iPhone and Android that provides phone, text, e-mail and social media access to connect teens with their own network, school administrators, or emergency services.

PreventionOne Love

A screening tool for students, family and friends to assess risk in relationships. In addition, it provides access to resources designed specifically for high school and college students.

Preventionhttp://www.loveisrespect.org

• 1 in 4 teens in a relationship communicated with their partner by cell phone or text messaging hourly between midnight and 5 am.

• Teens can text “loveis” to 22522 for 24/7 chat support from peer advocates. In addition, the service offers tips about how to be safe on smartphones.

PreventionLove is Not Abuse Digital Dating Simulator

• 67% of parents were unaware that their teens had dating partners check up on them 30 times a day on their phones.

Additional Resources CHOICES – Crisis Hotline & Shelter

(614) 224-4663www.choicescolumbus.org

Huckleberry House (614) 294-5553

Text “SAFE” & your location to 69886

www.huckhouse.org

BRAVO (LGBTQ Anti-Violence) (614) 268-9622

www.bravo-ohio.org

That’s Not Coolwww.thatsnotcool.com

Questions???• Contact Information:

Caitlin Tully

614-722-8308

Caitlin.tully@familysafetyandhealing.org

Thank you!!