The Catholic Home

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THE CATHOLIC HOME


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THECATHOLIC HOME

BY

FATHER ALEXANDER, O.F.M

WITH A FOREWORD BY HIS LORDSHIPTHE BISHOP OF SALFORD

R. & T. WASHBOURNE, LTD.PATERNOSTER ROW, LONDON

AND AT MANCHESTER, BIRMINGHAM, AND GLASGOWAll rights reserved


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RtbtiJ. N. STRASSMA1ER, S.J.,

CENSOR DEPUTATUS.

Smprimatur.EDM. CANONICUS SURMONT,VICARIUS GENERALIS.

WSTMONAST*II,die 19 .V07 wf>r/s, 1917.

HibttF. ANDREAS EGAN, O.F.M.,

CENSOR DEPUTATUJS.

Imprimatur,F. FIDELIS CONDON, O.F.M,,

MlNISTERxPROVINCIALIS,LONDINI,

die ia Xortmbrit, igt?.


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THE MEMORY OFMY PARENTS


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FOREWORD ixhandles great and often very delicate problems withtheological clearness and sureness, combined withgreat reverence. It inspires an enthusiasm for thehigh, sacred ideals of family and home. I hope itwill be very widely read by parents especially byyoung parents and by young married couplesand youths and maidens who are preparing for theholy state of Matrimony. In these times, whenso much pernicious teaching is widespread in literature and on the platform concerning the marriagetie and its obligations, it is well that the saneauthoritative teaching of the Catholic Churchshould be clearly set before men s minds.

Sanctify the home and you will " renew the faceof the earth " and regenerate a decadent world.May I, in conclusion, emphasize for Catholic parents,especially those just beginning the eventful journeyof married life, one recommendation briefly touchedupon by our Author ? I refer to the immensevalue of family prayer. Begin at least eveningprayer, however short and simple, from the veryfirst day that the new home comes into being; asGod blesses you with children, train them up fromtheir earliest years to join you in this beautifulCatholic practice, making yourselves little childrenand adapting your devotions to the simple mindsof your little ones, developing them with theirgrowth,physical and intellectual. Nothing will make a


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FOREWORDmore profound impression upon them for theirwhole life, nothing will tend more to bless andsanctify your home and make it more and morelike to the first Christian Home in Nazareth.

* LOUIS CHARLES,Bishop of Salford

November 29, 1917.


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CONTENTSCHAPTER PAGEI. INTRODUCTORY I

II. LOOKING AHEAD - 8III. REVERENCE - 15IV. DECAY OF REVERENCE 22V. THE CASE FOR THE CHILD 31VI. HOME AND SCHOOL 40VII. PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE - 52

VIII. MIXED MARRIAGES 67ClX. HUSBAND AND WIFE" 8 1

X. PARENTAGE Q2XI. MOTHERHOOD - 103XII. FATHERHOOD 117

XIII. THE CASE FOR THE PARENTS - - 127


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THE CATHOLIC HOMEINTRODUCTORY

ONLY when a cherished thing is in danger ofperishing does its value appeal to the many.For the majority of men take their possessions and

their successes and their pleasures as a matter ofcourse. Only the few count the cost and justlyappraise the value, for only the few think for themselves, and much thinking keeps them informed ofthe worth of what they have acquired or inherited.They look at it from all points of view; it becomesmore or less identified with their lives; they viewits possible loss with alarm ; they strain every nerveto avert such a catastrophe. True, the sorrows ofsuch men are greater than those of the thoughtlessherd, for they apprehend more quickly and feelmore keenly even the possibility of loss, but as theirjoys approach to ecstasy they can well afford to havethem sobered by sorrow. They know that, hereat least, the beauty of an object is brought into


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INTRODUCTORYtastes were simpler, wants were fewer, and outdoorattractions less numerous, exciting and alluring.The educational and recreative sides of life were byno means neglected, but their higher lights and theirsweeter radiance were enjoyed more at home thanabroad. Societies, Confraternities, Clubs, existedthen as now; towns of any consequence at all hadtheir lending libraries and reading rooms; there wasno lack of theatres, and, in the season, excursions tobeauty spots were the vogue, but there was no persistent and enticing lure from the home. The wordsof the old song found, in those days, a ready response in every heart: "Be it ever so humble,there s no place like home."With the seventies, from many points of view,came remarkable changes. They set up music-

halls, flooded the market with cheap and lightliterature, and sent giant bicycles careering farafield. The sapping and mining of attachment to thehome had set in. From that period each decadehas had its share in the work: witness the growthand variety of clubs and the ever-increasing fascination of club-life, the widespread facilities for travelling, the multiplication of places of amusement andpicture-dromes, and the appeal made by the last-named even to children of tender age; the popularityof "week-ends"; and, finally, the contemporarycatastrophe which has sent so many members of


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THE CATHOLIC HOMEthe home warlike pilgrims over the globe, chaineddown so many others to late hours in munitionworks, and saddened the hearts of those too weakto work but keenly alive to mourning.But it is just this last phase which may wake up

the man in the street to the danger that lies at hisdoor, that may save the home, as it is to be hoped itwill save the nation. Thinkers, for a considerabletime, saw that the nation was, on the one hand,lapsing into slumber, and, on the other, becomingdazed with pleasure. They tried, in vain, to wakeit up and to warn. Whisperings were too gentle tobe heard by a nation wearing the nightcap of self-content, warnings were regarded as too sanctimonious to be heeded by a nation made dizzy with thewhirl of pleasure.

Yes; whisperings were all too gentle warningswere all too tender it needed a war-alarm to rousethe slumberer; bombs were needed to sober thepleasure-seeker.That men are wiser now is surely evident from

their talk of what must needs be done when thenations have been sufficiently purged of theirantagonism as to be able to sit round a table anddiscuss matters in sane and wholesome fashion:their blood-stained arms piled up in far-off corners,their numerous dead buried and wept over, and theirwomen-folk and little children made happy in the


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INTRODUCTORYhope of bright days that are to dawn. Who willnot hope that those deliberations may be enteredon with a sanity such as the world has not seen forages past (for, surely, the Vicar of Christ will beallowed a voice) ? Who will not pray that thepeaceful efficacy of those deliberations may be testified to by the children s children of those now almostbled to death?*We know not what will be the subject-matter ofthose contemplated debates, but who does not seethat, if fundamental matters be overlooked, theywill labour in vain who try to build anew ? It wouldsavour of pedantry to suggest that, at an international meeting, the home-life, as such, should bemade a subject of debate; but as social reconstructionall round is sure to be the immediate outcome ofthose deliberations, we may take it for granted thatlater on, in the countries involved, steps will betaken to ameliorate the conditions of the home, iffor nothing else than with a view to make good theindescribable loss of man-power in the presentcataclysm. And surely it must be admitted thatthe home is the very foundation on which everynation rests. Granted that hostile artillery batterdown every stately edifice, that liquid fire consumethe literary treasures of all past ages, that poisonousgasses reduce the earth to a barren waste, that fleets

* Written in the winter of 1917.


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THE CATHOLIC HOMEbe swept from the seas; " the nation that rests on thefoundation of family life has within itself an ever-renewed foundation of recovery " (Devas s Key to theWorld s Progress, p. 109).

This truth has, undoubtedly, been learned in theagonizing throes of the past few years. Antecedently to the War, the foundations of the homewere being undermined, as we have partially seen;its pillars were tottering ; husbands and fathers buttoo often regarded the home as a mere place oflodging; wives and mothers were becoming moreand more impatient of their burdens, children weregrowing more impatient of control, and, as with thehome, so with the nation it was slowly driftingtowards the lee-shore of effeteness. The nationcan emerge from the furnace of affliction, purified,rejuvenated and strengthened, only by recognizingthe innate value of the home. All must unite inrestoring it to its honoured place.

This cannot be done unless men think on rightlines. If we are to judge by results, the thoughtsof men have, for some generations past, slipped offthose lines. To get back to them is a matter ofurgent need, and hence the importance of havingsome of the cardinal points regarding home-lifere-stated. For such a theme the times are surelyripe. That very convulsion which has hurled menleagues away from home, separated husband from


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INTRODUCTORYwife, orphaned hundreds and thousands of children,expatriated and interned numberless civilians, hashad a most providential reaction in tightening thecords that bind heart to heart and soul to soul inthe home. The roof-tree may have been burneddown, the hearth may have been ground to powder,but, phcenix-like, the home will rise again and bemore worthy of its name than it was before.The present work is a humble attempt towards

reconstruction. It does not pretend to be exhaustive. Its purpose will be served if it leadsmarried folks to rise to the level of their responsibilities and if it induces our marriageable youngmen and women to approach the Sacrament ofMatrimony with the necessary dispositions.


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LOOKING AHEADinanity; and the mourners sink into their gravesand are forgotten, because of their leaving no traceat all, on the world s crust, of their existence.Indeed, from useful points of view, they mightnever have existed. " He that observeth the windshall not sow: and he that considereth the cloudsshall never reap " (Eccles. xi. 4). " Cast thybread upon the running waters ; for after a long timethou shalt find it again " (Eccles. xi. i).Nowhere, perhaps, is this more evident than in

matters connected with the home. We find parentseither wringing their hands or holding them helplessly by their sides; regretting that, owing to thechanged conditions of life, they have no controlover their children, or that, because of the reputedefficiency of teachers, authority is taken out of theirhands, or, again, that the unsympathetic or arrogantspirit of the world renders all attempts at home-training useless in the extreme. " What s the use oftraining at home when it will surely and speedilybe undone once the little ones have to face the wickedworld ?" Such parents forget that, in all ages, awicked world had to be faced.

"

Love not the world,nor the things which are in the world. . . . Forall that is in the world is the concupiscence of theflesh, and the concupiscence of the eyes, and thepride of life, which is not of the Father, but is ofthe world " (i Ep. St. John ii. 15, 16). So, not


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io THE CATHOLIC HOMEonly in the twentieth, but in the first century ofChristianity, the world was regarded as the enemyof the home-bred child.But let it be granted that " life is not what it

was." Life is what it is, and, being what it is, thegreat thing is to make the most of it, by using thepassing hours to the best advantage. I once knewa man who boasted that he lived in the past and thefuture, for he regarded the present as altogether toomaterialized. He was not an idler by any means,but his pedantic view paralyzed his usefulness. Hewas regarded as a crank and died unregretted.

Parents must take life, with its facts, as they findit and provide strenuously against the dangers ofthe future, for it may be taken for granted that thelure from home will be even more pronounced inyears to come than during the past few decades.The present War will whet the appetite of youthfor strange scenes and for new and exciting experiences. Trades Unionism will eventually turn thewhole world into one vast polyglot city. Thefoundations of the home should, therefore, be sopropped up as to make it safe against all adversefloods. In the future, as in the past, it should havesuch a magnetic influence on those who go forth fromit as to save them from danger when far away andloom up as a Mecca to which they would fain returnat last to die. Home-builders should concentrate


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LOOKING AHEAD ntheir energies

on the equipment of their childrenfor the new conditions of life. Those conditionswill become more and more unfavourable to theconservatism of the home in the old-fashioned sense.If my boat is to be launched into the deep, I mustfirst prove its seaworthiness. If wise, I wait notuntil it finds itself amidst possible breakers.Granted, then, that there are tempestuous waveson the sea of life that threaten to wreck, and strongcurrents that sheer off from the home-port, itbehoves those responsible for the launching ofchildren on the waters to look to it that charts areprepared and the home-charm so developed as tocounteract all adverse agencies. It can be done.It must be done, for in God s Providence, as wehave said before, the home is the foundation of thenation, the hope of the Church, the ante-room ofHeaven. Parents must not allow the customs ofthe world to dominate. Customs will exist, butthey must be trained to creep around principlesfor their support rather than allowed to suffocatethem. Where those customs are inherently evil,the well-trained child will know how to prune them ;where they are good, they will help to strengthenthe good principles imbibed.

All this suggests deeper consideration than isusual on the part of those responsible for the layingdown of home foundations. Many young people


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LOOKING AHEAD 13intelligent understanding of the principles on whichhome-life is based, for there exists a large class whosit on the fence entirely out of sympathy with thehome and void of reverence for the married state,who, nevertheless, dogmatize most fiercely aboutthe numerical strength of families, domestic ties andduties, education and kindred matters, out of theprofound depths of their ignorance. Some of themare too " refined " to dream of such a state for themselves, others are far too " religious " to study whatthey term an " indelicate matter," and all of themare too benighted to grasp the beauty and dignityof a state that God has made holy in the extremeby raising it to the dignity of a Sacrament. Theyseem to forget that they themselves are the products

dare we not say, the ungrateful and unworthyproducts? of matrimonial union, that they hadhomes, that the nation is a conglomeration of homes,and that, short of good homes, the Church cannotfulfil her Divine mission. Judicious and timelyknowledge would deepen their reverence, increasetheir helpfulness and eliminate their selfishness. Itwould, moreover, in divers cases, preserve the worldfrom the fruits of the gross ineptitude shown bysuch people when they do (as sometimes happens)enter the holy state, for of all the uncanny thingson the earth that surely is the most uncanny,i.e., entrance into a sacred contract of whose con-


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14 THE CATHOLIC HOMEditions the contracting parties are wilfully ignorantbecause of a prudery which is wrongly styled" innocence."And so these chapters should appeal not only to

those who have homes or who mean, under God, tofound homes, but also to those whose vocation maybe in quite another direction. For it is occasionallymembers of this last-mentioned class who are themost prone to embarrass married people by their" views," and the more ignorant they are the moreinsistent are they in proffering advice.Much confusion of thought arises from regardingthis as a sex-question and therefore one to beavoided. This is a great mistake. It is a muchwider question. It is a fundamental question forthe Christian, the Empire-builder and the lover ofthe human race, and, this being so, surely it needsno apology for treatment.


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IllREVERENCE

SOME folk smile when the story of Adam andEve is re-told. And they wish us to read intothe smile, if not utter reprobation of that patheticstory, at least such distaste for it as grown-uppeople pretend for fairy-tales. They would haveus believe that they have

"

outgrown all that."They think it should end with the nursery, and thatit is unfair to their intelligence for preachers andteachers to take it seriously and for writers to appealto it. But there it is, and there it must remain.It has held the field for a long time, and wise-acreswill be puzzled to suggest a more appealing andsatisfying explanation of the beginnings of the home.For the home is the centre and source humanlyspeaking of dominion, the nursery of the humanrace; the sanctuary wherein God means Hisattributes of wisdom, justice, love and mercy to bereflected; the one spot on earth whereon fidelity islegitimately symbolized by the most intimate ofall human ties. Short of the reverent contemplationof the creation of that first couple, of the far-reachingcommission given them, and of the marital powers15


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16 THE CATHOLIC HOMEimparted, no one can grasp the dignity of the home,nor can he frame laws for its preservation, orfashion a pathway fitted to lead to a satisfying goal.Ape-like, his views of the home will be of the earth,earthly. His soul, meant to soar aloft, will be liketo a man in a captive balloon, elevated, it may be,and, with wits sharpened and vision widened, ableto scan his earthly brothers, but having no eyes atall for the greater realities beyond and above theclouds.How mean and hide-bound such a man appearsas the stupendous words of Genesis reverberate inour ears ! Rolling over the wide expanse of nature,like ever-increasing peals of thunder, the ideas theyconvey are so many lightning shafts illuminatingthe rapt upraised countenances of believers, andrevealing the would-be descendants of apes scuttlingoff for shelter in the brushwood. How potentlythose words remind us of the glory of our origin andof the power given to man in the first home of Eden :" Let Us make man to Our image and likeness; andlet him have dominion over the fishes of the sea,and the fowls of the air, and the beasts, and the wholeearth, and every creeping creature that movethupon the earth " (Gen. i. 26). How modestly theidea of sex is conveyed, and how purposeful itsmeaning in the case of those destined to foundhomes: fruitfulness to be regarded as their special


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REVERENCE 17blessing and indissolubility to be the natural outcome of matrimonial consummation, as was, lateron, made clear by our Blessed Lord: " Whereforenow they are not two, but one flesh. What, therefore, God hath joined together, let no man putasunder " (Matt. xix. 5). " And God created manto His own image: to the image of God He createdhim: male and female He created them. And Godblessed them, saying: Increase and multiply, andfill the earth and subdue it, and rule over the fishesof the sea, and the fowls of the air, and all livingcreatures that move upon the earth " (Gen. i.27, 28). " And the Lord God built the rib whichHe took from Adam into a woman, and brought herto Adam. And Adam said: This now is bone ofmy bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be calledwoman, because she was taken out of man. Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shallcleave to his wife, and they shall be two in oneflesh " (Gen. ii. 22-24).Who can read these words with reverential mindwithout finding his heart beat faster and his soullifted up in praise of the great Creator on the onehand, and, on the other, without being filled withadmiration of the first couple whose marriage wasassisted at by the whole court of Heaven, and whoobtained at first hand the blessing of God Himself ?Who does not feel a pang in knowing that their


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i8 THE CATHOLIC HOMEfelicity was so short-lived, and who will not profitby the reflection that its transitoriness was due tothe breach of a Divine command ? True, in thevery hour of condemnation, mercy was measuredout with no niggard hand, but the woes that nevertheless have followed should long ere this havewarned all who build homes of the danger of incurring God s displeasure by disregard of the lineson which the foundations should be laid, for " unlessthe Lord build the house they labour in vain thatbuild it " (Ps. cxxvi. i).

Never, in the whole course of history, did beginnings seem so full of promise. All Heaven contemplated with satisfaction the new departure: acouple created in the state of perfect nature, constituted in grace, endowed with preternatural gifts,intellectually equipped beyond all powers of description, physically perfect, yet falling so lowbecause of lack of co-operation with the known willof God. How Heaven must have wept ! HowHell must have exulted ! How the earth, since then,has groaned ! How would-be heads of familiesshould take to heart the time-honoured lesson !Have not we, therefore, sufficient warrant forharking back to that first marriage ? Had itmerited the continued blessing of God, so generouslybestowed, how different would have been the stateof the human race. Is it not, then, clear that the


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20 THE CATHOLIC HOMEWere these fundamental truths grasped by the

contracting parties before marriage, how differentwould be the state of Society ! Ignorance thereofcrowds the " marriage-market " with persons voidof a spark of reverence for this great Sacrament,and without reverence the contract of matrimonybecomes but a glorified state of " White Slavery."To induce reverence, something must appeal to thesoul. Beauty may inspire admiration, strengthmay beget trust, nobility of character may inducea species of nature-worship, thrift may securecomfort, but only the contemplation of the Divinein matrimony can conjure up the reverence due toit, and without reverence it would be almost brutishand could never be entered into with a feeling ofindividual or mutual respect.How it is redolent of the Divine ! Home is thelaboratory in which the Creator when He so willsturns out His masterpieces in the shape of lovelychildren, through the co-operation of the parents;it is the stage on which He displays His adorableattributes Providence, Love, Wisdom and Compassion more perhaps than anywhere else in thewide world; it is the preparatory school for all theworld s work; the training college, in embryo, forChurch Councils and for National Parliaments,and it is the sanctuary wherein the Saints of Godfirst receive the precepts which, reduced to practice


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DECAY OF REVERENCE 25an adoptive child of the Heavenly Father: an heir,according to hope, of everlasting life; a memberof the Church and with a soul full of sanctifyinggrace. At or after the age of reason he may deliberately surrender his birthright, but until then it istrue to say that the child is as pure as any angel.As an educational writer wisely says, " The firstsix years of a child s life are of inestimable importance." Thus splendidly equipped, the child comesinto the world as a little pilgrim on his way to hisHeavenly Father s house, and Jesus Christ hurlswoes on the heads of those who would dare impedehis progress: " But he that shall scandalize one ofthese little ones that believe in Me, it were betterfor him that a millstone should be hanged abouthis neck, and that he should be drowned in thedepth of the sea " (Matt, xviii. 6).These words are the child s charter of rights: a

right to have his body cared for, inasmuch as it isthe tenement of the soul; a right to have the powersof the soul cultivated, for the soul was redeemed withChrist s Precious Blood; a right to have what ispopularly called " a chance in life," for the earthis the Lord s and the fulness thereof, and the child,being the child of the Lord, has a right to share inits fruits. Be he the child of a pauper or the heirto a throne, it is all the same: he must be allowed afair field for the exercise of all his Heaven-given


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26 THE CATHOLIC HOMEfaculties and must be left free to get to God by thepathway traced by Him who founded the One TrueChurch; otherwise he is scandalously and criminallywronged.

Apart from the supernatural endowments abovereferred to, we find in the child a marvellous instinctthat betrays itself in a hundred ways, sometimes tothe embarrassment and, at other times, to the annoyance of those who have no particular sympathy withchild-life in its earlier stages. It is the instinct ofwonderment. It is seen in the eyes, wide open,that fix you and follow all your movements, and aresaid to cover an evil-minded man with confusion;it is manifest in the dartings and gropings of thelittle line-covered hands, so eager to have and tohold, and in the keen apprehension of varying lightand sound and movement. The child actuallyrevels in wonderland.Now, as we have already seen, wonder is the firststep towards reverence, and the child, as it develops,is naturally inclined to take all the steps until itreaches the goal. His father looms up before himas an embodiment of strength and a model of rectitude. When apprehensive of danger, he clutcheshis hand and fears not ; in moments of doubt he feelsthat father s way must be the right way, and, so,in following it, he falters not. His mother is hisqueen. She may be poor, illiterate, slattern and


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DECAY OF REVERENCE 27dowdy in her dress; but as the child knows not yetthe real or conventional value of wealth, education,deportment and fashion, no other woman, be sheeven a duchess, can get between him and the womanat whose bosom he was nursed and by whose kneehe learnt his first lessons, rude as they may havebeen. He reveres her; instinctively, he is awestruck in her presence.

Is not this child s soul, then, a most fertile fieldfor parental labour ? Do we not realize that if, inthe first six years of a child s life that field bethoughtfully cultivated, the fruits, as a rule, will beas lasting as they are abundant ? And the mostprecious of all those fruits will be reverence; deeprespect for parents and for all others exercisingauthority, appreciation of and admiration for goodness

; awe in the presence of the noble and the grand ;veneration and adoration of Almighty God, theSupreme Good.

Let it not be imagined that our enthusiasm hascarried us into the land of dreams and that we arepicturing an impossible child. Far from it. We areperfectly aware of the child s limitations, for,although sanctifying grace is still in his soul, he isnevertheless a child of fallen nature, and manyindeed are the traces thereof, shown even in his earlyyears. The uninitiated (especially those intellectualfreaks who worship poodles and disdain the " mere


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28 THE CATHOLIC HOMEchild ") put down those exhibitions of fallen natureas most shocking irreverences, but the initiated havea clearer vision. The initiated are those who tryto see things in God s perspective: with the eyes offaith as well as reason. They know that all thepranks of the child enter into the making of thefuture man. He has other instincts besides wonderment and he is bursting with physical activities.If those instincts be fettered and if his activities berepressed, he may develop into a living mummy,but he can never grow up into a man of character.He is inquisitive and venturesome: eager to dissectthe interiors of his toys and to find out whether thefire on the other side of the screen really burns;he soils his clothes and ruthlessly rends them; robsbird-nests and paddles ankle-deep in slush, regardless of boot-polish and knitted socks; he climbsover wire-entangled fences and swings on spikedgates; is chummy with every dog he meets but isdeath on cats; he is pushful, boisterous and sometimes greedy, but on most occasions he offers hisapple that another may have the first bite; he ispugnacious at one moment, cowardly at another,occasionally mean, but most times generous andunselfish; he has a keen sense of the abnormal, theridiculous, the unusual call it what you will and,so, laughs at the odd and the eccentric, although theplace may sometimes be sacred and the person may


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30 THE CATHOLIC HOMEthey descended, through the perpetration of someflagrant inconsistency, that respect was lost, andthe child was found muttering his first " / don tcare !"Would that it ended with that, but, alas ! it is to

be feared that much of the irreverence that moralistsspeak of is traceable to the home. More s the pity,for, in the light of what we have said, it should notbe so. The child should leave the home brimful ofreverence for the good, the true and the beautiful.If he leaves it otherwise, he is badly equipped forhis struggles in the wide world. There the citadelof reverence is sure to be assailed, but, oh, whatsacrilege to have it destroyed before he leave thehome at all.


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32 THE CATHOLIC HOMEwas formerly a mere instinct is adopted by thereason and made its own. Reverence, as a naturalconsequence, will grow apace. The reverence that,all unconsciously, was exercised on trust will nowrest on such solid ground as to be able to withstandall reasoning to the contrary.

Hitherto, reverence was instinctively based onthe strength of the father and the loving tendernessof the mother. After the age of reason somethingmore is needed if it is to retain its hold on the child.In school he is now being trained to exercise hispowers of observation, comparison and expression.Not a single word escapes his keen ear, not a thingis done without its appeal to his notice. He has atolerably clear sense of right and wrong, and if theright be suitably put before him especially by hisparents he needs but gentle guidance to be inducedto follow it.From this it follows that if, after the age of reason,

a high standard of conduct be not set up, and keptcontinually before the child s mind, reverence willbe sure to dwindle. So far, reverence has not beensubjected to any particular test; but now that thechild is capable of exercising his reason, one of hisfirst impulses will be to apply tests. In otherwords, the child will be critical. If the standardof conduct at home is, at least, as high as that ofthe school; if the parents are as truthful, just, kind


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THE CASE FOR THE CHILD 33and orderly as the child s teachers; if they arerespectful to the clergy and faithful to their religiousduties; then the reverence that was instinctivelyimbibed and that, largely, was God s gift, will nowbe deepened. While remaining a precious gift ofGod it will, nevertheless, become meritorious onthe part of the child, and will influence his wholecareer. Later on in life he may, happily, come incontact with holy, refined and highly educatedpeople, but, exalted though they be, they will addnothing to his store of reverence: that store waslaid up in the old home. When he leaves thathome his life is spent in paying easy reverence toauthority, high principle and general worth, whereverhe finds them. Every new act of reverence butintensifies the value of the original gift and makeshim more keenly alive to any departure from thestandards that he was trained to revere. Need itbe said that it is on such foundation the welfare ofthe world rests ?We find this verified in really Catholic countries,wherein great store is laid by home life. To go nofarther than Catholic Ireland: what most strikesthe intelligent observer is the atmosphere of reverence for all that is pure and noble. It illuminesthe brow of the little barefooted boy on themountain-side and adds new glory to the grey hairsof venerable men and women. Mere tourists are3


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34 THE CATHOLIC HOMEwont to put down this national trait to abjectionand servility, but the student traces it to the firesideof even the meanest hovel where holiness of life,learning, unblemished pedigree, high principle andpurity are extolled and set up as standards to bereached. Herein lies the secret. Reverence is theproduct of the home, and what is learnt at homeis never forgotten.When the critical spirit is awakened in the child,and he begins to apply tests to conduct, if he find thatthe old foundations of reverence have shifted, whocan conceive the extent of the harm that is done ?The poor child finds himself in a sad predicament.In school he is trained to piety, decency, diligence,order and cleanliness, and he learns to appreciatethe importance of one and all. At home, alas ! theyare conspicuous by their absence. Priests andteachers influence him for good, but for a fractionof the twenty-four hours. The remainder of theday falls under the baneful influence of parents whoare void of principle and utterly destitute of thedomestic virtues. Seeing that the home is, afterall, his natural refuge and that the parents are hisnatural protectors it follows that, in the mentalcombat which ensues, the home instinct of thechild prevails. His reason shows him the right, butas the united forces at home are either opposed to itor indifferent, he ends by judging that the practice


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THE CASE FOR THE CHILD 35of right is impossible. Slowly but surely he becomesinoculated with the idea that right living is, doubtless, a splendid thing for those who live " lives ofease," but is incompatible with the rough-and-tumble life to which he is accustomed, and fromwhich he feels he cannot rise. Although he cannotbut admire the healthier and holier atmosphere ofchurch and school, yet, as he breathes an unwholesome atmosphere for the greater part of his child-life, his spirituality and mentality do not thriveand he begins life in the world most heavily handicapped. It seems to me that herein lies the rootof the evil that is so often ascribed to the modernchild, as if he alone were the culprit. I think he is,for the most part, unfairly treated. Had the necessary conditions of reverence been fulfilled, the child spliable nature would have been brought into linewith right principles and our ears would not beshocked, as they so often are nowadays, with theoutcry about " juvenile crime " and depravity.

It may be objected that, later on, when freedfrom the baneful influences of home, true principles,learned in church and school, will reassert themselves, and that the balance of reverence for the good,the true and the beautiful will be restored. Althoughcontemporary history proves the possibility of suchan issue, yet it must ever remain the exception.Two or three notable men of to-day boast of having


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THE CASE FOR THE CHILD 37and right; he will be prone to resist establishedauthority ; in one word he will be irreverent.

His irreverence is the natural outcome of hisparents failure to rise to the level of their responsibilities. Had they done so, their mutual reverencefor the child would have developed, year by year,until he was fitted out for the world. Reverenceon their part would have begotten reverence on his,and a thoroughly equipped unit would have beenadded to the Church and the nation. Parentalreverence for the child leads them to regard him notas a mere wage-earner in the future, nor as a mereman of the world, but as, primarily, a child of God,a member of the One True Church and an heir ofHeaven. All mundane considerations must takea secondary place in the child s training. Duty toGod and to Holy Church must come first. It mustleaven all the actions of the day and must bethe first and last court of appeal. Short of thisbeing remembered and reduced to practice, thewhole child is not educated as it ought to be. Thenatural side, if cultivated at all, will be over-cultivated, and the result in future years will be manifestin cynicism regarding holy things and all thatsavours of the supernatural. If this spirit aboundsto-day, even amongst the young, it is to be fearedthat it was cradled in the home. Had the home beenpermeated with an atmosphere of reverence for


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38 THE CATHOLIC HOMEGod and holy things and persons, the evil influencesof the world would not, so soon, have dispersed it.Even well-disposed parents are far too prone to

leave all such instruction to teachers in school andto the clergy. I am convinced that this is a cardinalerror. If we conjure up memories of the past weshall find that the lessons best remembered are thoselearned by our fond mother s knee and sanctionedby the smiles of our father. Priests and teacherscannot supply for the lack of those early lessons.If the modern world is to be regenerated, the parentsmust have the patience to imitate those of previousgenerations by gathering their children aroundthem, in their earlier years, and speaking to them fthe things that matter: the Fatherhood of God, thechildhood and Passion of our beloved Redeemer,the sanctity of our holy Mother Mary, the existenc*and beauty of the angels, the beauty of virtue, andthe ugliness of wrong-doing. For this noble tasknothing more is wanted than the maternal instinct.Every true Catholic mother trained by her ownmother s knee has the necessary dogmatic knowledge, and if she speaks as a mother she uses atongue given neither to priests nor to teachers.Their tongues may reach the inner mind, but themother s tongue reaches the profoundest depths ofthe heart and a child has far more heart thanmind.


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THE CASE FOR THE CHILD 39If this most important of all domestic works be

neglected, then school instruction will prove but athin veneer that will soon rub off through contactwith the materialistic world. For the all-roundtraining of the child, for the perpetuity of the spiritof reverence, for the betterment of the world, thegrowth of religion and the glory of God, the parentsmust deepen their sense of responsibility by cultivating the spirit of reverence for the little onesconfided to them by the Almighty Father. Thatsense of responsibility has but one form of expression, i.e., cultivation of the home virtues, and theexercise of patience and perseverance in instructingthe children as if all depended on their own unaidedefforts. Then there will be such splendid interaction as between home and school and church aswill render fruitless all attacks from without.


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VIHOME AND SCHOOL

WE have found that when parental reverence iswanting, the child is badly equipped for hisstruggles in this world and for his welfare in the next.The sense of responsibility induced by reverencerestrains the parents from acting capriciously in theupbringing of their children. The more they taketo heart the onerous nature of their obligations, thegreater becomes their anxiety to find out and to beguided by true principles of education. Seeing,then, that those feelings of responsibility are basedon the supernatural destiny of the child, it is butright that parents should look to the Church forguidance. They conceive that it is part of the missionof the Church to lay down safe rules of action in allmatters of faith and morals. And, from the age ofreason, the faith and morals of the child are at stake.Far from thinking that, in listening to the Church,they are yielding up their liberty, Catholic parentsare aware that they are simply following the dictateof right reason. Amidst the clash of modernopinions on education, in which agnostic and undenominational views are, usually, the most clamor-

40


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HOME AND SCHOOL 41ously voiced, they

believe that the Church, whichis the pillar and the ground of truth, will havesomething to say. They cannot bring themselvesto think that the Church, which educated herchildren in spite of Pagan Rome, and which corn-batted false philosophies for nineteen centuries,has, in the twentieth century, lost her voice.

If Catholic parents are of average intelligence andhave used their talents as the Church is ever urgingthem to do, they will have arguments to hand tomeet the objections of opponents who complain ofecclesiastical interference, and who talk glibly of theretrogressive spirit of the Church. Sad to say, someeducationalists, who ought to be better informed,range themselves on the side of our most virulentantagonists. The parents above spoken of willpoint proudly to Catholic countries wherein childrenof the One True Church have been pioneers in Scienceand Art, Music and Literature. The non-Catholicartist has yet to be born who will put before oureyes such a picture of the Crucified as will move ourhearts. Outside the Church no soul-inspiringMadonna has ever been put on canvas. No musiccan so thrill the heart with pure emotion as that ofa Mass composed by a Catholic whose soul is uplifted by the reality and the sublimity of the HolySacrifice. Catholic scientists, from Roger Baconto Pasteur and Secchi, have rendered glorious the


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42 THE CATHOLIC HOMEages in which they lived, and even now they arein the front rank. Library shelves groan under thecontributions of Catholic authors to pure literature,and the Church that can boast of a Dante and aFrancis Thompson has no need to bow its head inshame, in the presence of the most exacting critics.Before Columbus saw the light, and from his timeeven until now, navigators and explorers have notfound their Catholicity a bar to intrepidity. Andwhen rights have had to stand the test of fire andsword, the thumb-screw and the rack, who will daresay that our holy religion has ever yet

turned men intocowards ? All that is really sublime in the religiousarchitecture of our own and of every other civilizedcountry is the product of Catholic brains and thework of Catholic hands.

In a Protestant country like our own, whereCatholics have been emancipated but for ninetyyears, it is absolutely necessary to keep the foregoing facts before our minds. If we failed to do so,we might end by believing the oft-repeated chargethat the Church is, either openly or in some occultway, the enemy of learning and the opponent ofprogress. By remembering what the Church hasdone, for the glory of God and the benefit of the worldat large, parents will be stimulated to follow hersplendid example, by setting up high standards ofeducation for their children. The point to be borne


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HOME AND SCHOOL 43in mind is that the Church which has been thepatron (and occasionally the inspirer) of the Artsand Sciences, the warden of Philosophy, and thecreator of Theology, could not possibly, after twentycenturies of constant exercise be oblivious, even fora generation, to the lawful and righteous wants ofthe times. The supposition has only to be mentionedto show its absurdity. This accounts for the readiness of the well-informed Catholic parent to embracethe suggestions of the Church with regard to whatmatters in education. He takes the shifty and ever"changing views of educationalists for what they areworth; he gives earnest thinkers their due, but, firstand last, when he wants to know the principles thatshould dominate true education, he looks to theteaching Church for guidance.The Church tells him that, in home education, ashas more than once been said, God must have thefirst place; the laws of the Church must be knownand respected; the child must be instructed, corrected and be shown a good example. Thus, inbrief, is the parent informed of his responsibilitiesand of his consequent duties. Thus his reverenceis deepened. Thus the home is made contributoryto the sanctification and general well-being of thechild. Although the parent may be ignorant ofthe technicalities of education he will, if obedient tothe Church, be really acting on the lines laid down


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44 THE CATHOLIC HOMEby the most eminent modern educationalists.They tell us that " to educate means to bring up orlead forth the child. That is done by utilizing thelife that is already there. Education is not imposed :it is conducted/ But that the life " already there "may wax strong, the child, we may be allowed toadd, must be furnished with suitable sustenance forsoul, mind and body. The real meaning of education is to present that food in a manner best suitedfor assimilation so as to help and not to force thegrowth of soul and body. The Church is the solearbiter as to what spiritual food is fit for her littleones, and she will never relinquish her right to haveit doled out as she judges best. She is the Spouseof the Divine Teacher who said: " Suffer the littleones to come unto Me, and forbid them not; for ofsuch is the Kingdom of God " (Mark x. 14). Shemust be faithful to her mission.The work of sanctification and general bettermentof the child is extended and forwarded in the school.In Catholicism, there is ever the closest possibleconnection between the two. This is a featurepeculiar to Catholic life, and it accounts for thealmost childlike reverence of traditional Catholicparents for the teacher. To them, he is a kind ofsecond self; but a second self invested with almostsacerdotal dignity because of his exalted officeThey know that his beliefs are identical with their


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HOME AND SCHOOL 45own, and that his primary idea is to lead theirchildren on, step by step, to God. They feel that,the higher his religious ideal, the more conscientiouswill be his school work. This fact, which holds goodin all departments of activity, is especially prominentin the sphere of education. It is the teacher of highmoral tone who makes the most lasting impression.This connection of the Catholic home with theschool renders it impossible to treat of the onewithout, at least, some reference to the other. Itenables us to understand the meaning of what iscalled a " Catholic

atmosphere,"without which,

we are all agreed, our schools cannot exist. Nothoughtful Catholic can ever be content with apaltry thirty or fifty minutes per diem for religiousinstruction. He conceives that the entire day mustbe pervaded with the Catholic spirit that exists inthe home, so that, when the leaving age is reached,the child will go forth into the world equipped allround for his start in life. He has been aided inevery way likely to insure success. From his infancy until the age of fourteen there has beenabsolute unity of aim between parents, priests andteachers. His future will depend largely on himself,but, as a fifth part of the average life of man hasbeen passed in integrity, there is every likelihoodthat it will be difficult indeed to dislodge him fromhis position as a faithful child of God,


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THE CATHOLIC HOMEEven should he fail, he will have a much better

chance of recovery than the boy whose early education was defective. Sooner or later it will dawn onhim that the way of evil is illusory : that happinessdoes not depend on worldly success nor on sensualgratification, but rather on integrity and self-restraint. Fond memories of the simple virtuoushome and of his school-life will revive; parents,priests and teachers will be recognized as his bestfriends; after, may be, many wanderings he will findhis soul again, and, like the prodigal, he will return.The youth, on the contrary, whose home training

and education were deficient has no such anchorof hope to cling to in the hour of distress. Hisbaser life, as the years glide on, differs only in degreefrom what it was in childhood. Memories of theold home do not lift him out of the sea of despair.His infancy and childhood saw him cast off fromeven natural moorings. He was nurtured in contempt of the supernatural and has never once restedfoot on a spiritual islet. Tossed about from thecrest of one wave of temptation to another, swallowedup in the seething waters of corruption, the poorwaif ultimately drifts to the lee-shore of social andreligious hatred. He becomes the restless individualwhose sole aim is to pull down and destroy ratherthan to build up and consolidate. The increase ofsuch a class bodes ill for the future of Society. It


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HOME AND SCHOOL 47is to be feared that this unfortunate rabble is increasing by leaps and bounds, and the reason is thateven the most eminent non-Catholic educationalistswrite of the influence of religion in education withalmost apologetic pens. They forget that theirotherwise admirable school curricula will proveabortive unless a truly religious atmosphere, createdby explicit dogma, pervades the school. That atmosphere must blend with, and perfect, the atmosphereof the home. Parental reverence must be complemented by pedagogic reverence. It is only such aconcord that can bring about what every educationalist insists upon, i.e., the education of the wholechild. It is here that Catholic instinct proves unerring, all the while that educational theorists arebeating about for the solution of a difficulty raisedby themselves. In all time the Catholic Church haspostulated the training of the whole child spiritually, mentally and physically and has logicallyinsisted on the training going on, in home and inschool, during the entire period of childhood. Thisis synonymous with the " atmosphere " we havealready spoken of.Modern educationalists also insist on the trainingof the whole child, but, when confronted with whatthey call the " religious problem," they first of alllimit religious instruction to certain minutes perday, and then sneer at its insufficiency One of


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48 THE CATHOLIC HOMEthe attempted solutions makes, indeed, painfulreading. It is to be found in a volume publishedas recently as 1914 by Edmond Holmes, late ChiefInspector of Schools. In What is and what mightbe, the author advocates the abolition of beliefin Original Sin, on the plea that it vitiates educationand lowers the child in his own estimation ! Havingthus got rid of religious dogmatic truth, he and hisfollowers, in their professed wish to educate thewhole child, fall back on what deserves only thename of natural religion. How that has failed inFrance is known to all who are interested in child-life. Mr. Thiselton Mark, B.Sc., Lecturer of Education in the University of Manchester, says: " Underthe title Rationalisme et Tradition, M. Devolve hasrecently published a careful inquiry into the effectsof the lay moral instruction in France as comparedwith the earlier traditional religious instruction.He comes to the conclusion that the dynamic effectof the new teaching upon the moral nature of thescholars is inadequate. And this he believes to bebecause it fails to attach itself to any living centrewithin the child s nature, around which the elementsof the moral life group themselves, as it were,spontaneously, as an organism develops from anoriginal central germ. The traditional religiousteaching had such an organic centre " (ModernViews on Education, pp. 249, 250).


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HOME AND SCHOOL 49Educationalists who seek to eliminate the teach

ing of dogma from the school curriculum reallyfall short of the standard of efficiency at which theyprofess to aim. They fail to see that, in excludingfrom the school a religious atmosphere homogeneouswith the child s home, they are striking at the veryroots of efficiency. As William Boyd, Lecturer ofEducation at the University of Glasgow, wiselysays: "The proper function of the school at anyage, and most of all in early childhood, is to giveassistance to the home, in doing the work which,with all its imperfections, it can do better than anyother social institution. The mother who allowsanother to usurp her place in the upbringing of herchildren does grievous wrong both to the childrenand to herself " (From Locke to Montessori, p. 262).In the Catholic system the parents place is neverusurped. The religious atmosphere of the home iscarried into the school only to be intensified notstifled by the Catholic teacher.

It is easy to see that this facilitates the teacher swork. Parents and teachers, far from being inopposition, join hands. The children are freed fromdistractions that would beset them by the presentment of different views. The impressions made athome are not blunted by those received in school,but rather sharpened. Far from the child beingretarded in his secular studies he, on the contrary,4


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50 THE CATHOLIC HOMEmakes greater headway, because of the conservationof mental energy. But the cardinal point is this:Caesar receives his due without God being deprivedof His rights.

This is our position in demanding a purelyCatholic atmosphere for our schools. That demanddoes not spring from religious antagonism to ournon-Catholic brethren. It does not proceed fromdepreciation of the splendid work done in non-Catholic schools. It is not in opposition to soundtheories of education, for, as we have seen, educationalists insist on the training of the whole child.It is simply the outcome of parental reverence forthe child a reverence that seeks a school atmosphere in perfect harmony with the home, andwhich rightly conceives that one which is eitherantagonistic, unsympathetic, or indifferent, willspoil the child s career almost in its beginning.That our position is not better understood is

largely due to the fact as is evident from theirwritings that our neighbours regard our holyreligion as a something conceived in imposture,nurtured in ignorance and superstition, swathedin the bands of formalism, and not only opposed toprogress but unable to progress. Such views provethat they fail to grasp even our elementary doctrines.There can be but one answer. Catholics mustanswer by their deeds. Parents must prove the


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HOME AND SCHOOL 51hollowness of the above assertions by their virtuous,useful lives, and must show the reality of theirconvictions by fighting every inch of ground thatstands between the dogmatism of the seculareducationalist, who seeks to fetter them, and thedogmatism which was initiated by Christ, the firstChristian Teacher, when He said: " Go ye and teachall nations . . . and behold I am with you all dayseven to the consummation of the world" (S. Matt,xxviii. 19, 20). " So then, brethren, we are not thechildren of the bond-woman, but of the free: bythe freedom wherewith Christ has made us free "(Gal. iv. 31).


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VIIPREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

OUR readers may have wondered at our departure from the logical order, which, longbefore this, would seem to postulate the presentchapter. We conceive that the departure is defensible, for it is only by the contemplation of whatthe Home stands for, that the minds of youngpeople can be attuned to proper dispositions. Theruling principle, in education, is to proceed from theknown to the unknown. To the young, marriageis an unknown quantity; but the known truths,already set down, throw a flood of light on its dignityand its obligations. The mind is thus all the betterprepared for closer study.Matrimony is a state of life which demands more

preliminary thought than is usually given to it.It is the most ancient contract in the world an^superior to all others

in its object and in its endFor while other contracts have followed in the wakeof Society, the union of man and woman dates fromthe time of our first parents. Other contracts haveto do with the land and its products; with the fruitsof man s ingenuity, or with the works of his hands;


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PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 53this deals with men and women in themselves.The end of all other contracts is circumscribed bythe limits of the terrestrial globe : the end of Matrimony is, in a spiritual sense, lifted to the plane ofHeaven. On their marriage day husband and wifeare reminded of this, inasmuch as they are exhortedto prove worthy of their vocation by walking" hand-in-hand " to Heaven.Now if men and women give deserved attentionto all the details and conditions of ordinary contracts,they should deem it reasonable to devote much moreattention to the conditions of this, the most important of all. They should not allow it to becomethe sport of circumstances. They should preparefor, and enter into it, as reasonable beings. It isa contract for life, one on which depends the earthlyhappiness of the contracting parties and theirdescendants, to untold generations. It may mean,for one and all, honour or dishonour on the earth,and weal or woe in the next world.We have already seen how reverence for the childmakes for the happiness of the individual, the betterment of the world and the greater glory of God; butbefore the child brightens the home, nay, beforethe marriage contract is signed, deep reverence mustbe conceived for the holy state of Matrimony initself. It should be regarded as a source from which,under God, a life-giving stream flows into the vast


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54 THE CATHOLIC HOMEriver of racial, social and spiritual life that isever gliding towards the shores of Eternity. Futureparents should be keenly alive to the necessity ofkeeping that source pure and undefiled, so thattheir children may be able to look back on it withpardonable pride, that the race may be able tocongratulate itself on this new addition to its resources, and that God may be induced to favourthem with all the blessings promised to those whobegin this good work in His name.

Those blessings are largely dependent on theknowledge, possessed by marriageable people, oftheir obligations; for, as we have previously seen,knowledge, in the moral order, is the forerunner ofreverence. Only when inspired by reverence canmoral duty be done and persevered in to the end.And God s blessings are for the dutiful.The mere definition of Matrimony is enough to

suggest deep reflection on the part of all whocontemplate that holy and honourable state; and toexcite the reverence of all who regard it as a contractwhich God has so wonderfully sanctioned as toraise it to the dignity of a Sacrament, when it isentered into by His Christian children.Matrimony is the marital union of man and woman

in perpetual wedlock, binding them to individualand indissoluble companionship. When we speakof marital union we are to understand that the


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PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 55parties to the contract surrender themselves intoeach other s keeping; so that, while retaining theirfreedom of will they, nevertheless, use that freedomfor the recognition of each other s rights. Matrimonially speaking, the right of the husband is to bethe head of the wife the right and the privilege of thewife is to obey. No woman who loves a man in arighteous way will regard it other than a privilegeto obey, when he as her lawfully wedded husband,leads her forth from the church. Should any womandispute the right, or contemn the privilege, let herprove her conviction by abstaining from the contract ; for obedience is one of its essential conditions.The wife belongs to the husband and the husband tothe wife, subject to the conditions laid down byour Holy Mother the Church, to whom AlmightyGod has committed the care of the Seven Sacramentsinstituted by Himself. This means that they are oneand are to remain as one, as long as the life of eitherlasts, as is evident from the remaining part of thedefinition. Needless to say, the definition itself isbased on very clear Scriptural texts: " A man shallleave his father and mother; and shall cleave to hiswife. And they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two but one flesh. Whattherefore God hath joined together let no man putasunder " (Mark x. 7-9). " But to them that aremarried not I, but the Lord commandeth, that the


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56 THE CATHOLIC HOMEwife depart not from her husband. . . . And letnot the husband put away his wife " (i Cor.vii. 10-11).The simple statement of these truths shows the

rashness of rushing into Matrimony before theattainment of an age when the parties to the contract can reason maturely on all that is involved bythem. They run the risk of " marrying in hasteand repenting at leisure." The truths above setdown point to the wisdom of young people lendinga more willing ear than is customary to the suggestions of their parents, and of others capable ofadvising them, with regard to the qualities thatshould be found in a life partner; and also withregard to the conditions of the contract they proposeto enter upon. Furthermore, they demand a muchmore confidential and sympathetic attitude on thepart of parents towards those children who areapproaching manhood and womanhood, for many ofthe evils that are current are due to reticence onthis fundamental question.

If young people are left altogether to themselves,or if they arrogate to themselves a sufficiency ofjudgment, they become inflated with the idea thattheir mutual love will enable them to surmountall the difficulties that may present themselves.This confidence on the part of the young is not athing to be despised. If the love be pure and


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PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 57elevated, it is rather to be admired. But they shouldbe gently led to see that it is not enough. It has notsufficient depth. For love to have depth andstability, it must be founded on knowledge. Inimmature youth, it is too much to expect thatknowledge of the qualities necessary in a life-longpartner will be sufficiently precise. Young peopleare easily smitten by external qualities that willhave little or no bearing on future cravings of theheart; hence the necessity of keeping their heartsfree until their heads are so sufficiently stockedwith knowledge as to lead them aright. For ifmutual love be not interwoven with sturdy commonsense, and with a clear understanding of whatMatrimony means, it will not stand the strain towhich, in later years, it will be subjected.The old proverb has it that " when poverty enters

the door, love flies out of the window." It iscapable of a much wider application than the obviousone, and, in the wider application, it is more frequently verified. Material poverty has been knownto deepen and intensify mutual love. Lovers whowere drifting apart from each other in a mansionhave been known to discover true love only whenpoverty drove them into a cottage. It is, rather,mental and spiritual poverty which, when it entersin, or is far too late discovered, drives love away.What a terrible crisis, in married life, to wake up


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58 THE CATHOLIC HOMEto the fact that while one had beauty, and polish,and education, she had no heart ! Or that whilethe other had money, and ability, and social influence, he had no domestic virtues !Now it is precisely here that mature judgmentis necessary. The love of young people is, morelikely

than not, to base itself on graces of body ormanner. Good looks and winsome ways on thepart of a young woman are quite sufficient to turnthe head of the average young man. A certaindash and enthusiasm on the part of a young mannay, sometimes, a positive leaning to recklessnessare enough to make him appear a hero to theordinary young woman. If, on the strength ofthese unstable foundations, a home be set up, whodoes not see that a very slight domestic storm willbe sufficient to raze it to the ground ? May notthis be the cause of many of the unholy separationswitnessed at the present day ? Human respect,as a rule, saves those in the higher grades of CatholicSociety; but in the humbler walks of life we, toooften, find that before the first anniversary of amarriage can be held, husband and wife are disillusioned and disappointed. Intoxicated with whatthey thought was love, they discovered, to theirdismay, that it was but passion or sentimentality.The inference is that such marriages were enteredinto without mature judgment, that superficial


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PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 59qualities were, alone, considered, and that thecontracting parties were substantially ignorant ofwhat marriage really meant. Now, a certain degreeof sentimentality must, perforce, enter into a contract which appeals so intimately to the emotions,but when that degree has been exaggerated so as toblind the parties to well-defined incompatibility oftemperament they expose themselves to untoldmisery in after-life. While a true Christian marriage,when the partners are well mated, is a source ofmutual consolation and strength; on the other handit involves mutual forbearance, tact, self-sacrifice*patience, obedience, trust, drudgery, humiliations,weariness and monotony; and those only who faceit with at least some knowledge of this long catalogue of probabilities, but who, nevertheless, meanto persevere, hand-in-hand to the end, can be saidto love each other in God.

If it be asked: " Where has love a place in sucha catalogue ?" the answer is that it is love alonecan make all those limitations bearable. Short oftrue, self-sacrificing love, marriage could not longendure. When the love is

superficial,and based

only on externals, it lasts only so long as thoseexternals are found intact. For love to endure itmust have rested on a more substantial foundation.The sacredness of Matrimony must have beenunderstood and its conditions must have been


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60 THE CATHOLIC HOMEgrasped. Love should mean the inviolable observance of those conditions to the end of life.Now the only rational form of love between manand woman is that which is in keeping with theLaw of God: " If any man love Me, let him keep Mycommandments." Young people, contemplatingMatrimony, should ring the changes on these words,saying: " If we love each other, let us prove our loveby, first of all, loving God, through the keeping ofHis Commandments. For vain will be all ourprotestations of love for each other if, under coverof them, we offend God. To be true to God, wemust first, to ourselves, be true."That this true and exalted love may be deepened,

the young folks must remember that the contractthey contemplate entering into is also a Sacrament.The mere fact of the contracting parties beingbaptized makes it such. The Church declares thatthe contract of Matrimony between baptized personsis inseparable from the Sacrament. During theperiod of the engagement prior to marriage thisimportant fact should loom up before their mindsat once as a guiding star and a danger signal a starto lead them to the practice of virtue, a signal toward off danger. In their hearts they should feel thatthe efficacy of the Sacrament will depend much ontheir worthiness, and they should determine toapproach it with such innocence of soul and purity


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PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 61of body as will merit for them the grace of theSacrament and the blessing of the Church.The fact that Matrimony is such a sacred in

stitution and that it has such far-reaching consequences will, naturally, lead thoughtful youngpeople to inquire into the conditions necessary forits validity, its lawfulness and its use. It is herethat there is much room for improvement in themanner of helping those who are called by God tothis holy vocation. Too often, through mistakennotions of modesty, this holy contract is the oneleast explained, and, as a consequence, the onemost exposed to the wiles of the ungodly. Impediments, rules and regulations are, so to speak,flung at young people as if they were missiles intended to hurt, all the while that they are ordinancesof the Church meant to save. Fathers of familiesare mute, mothers are mysterious, and so, wheninformation is obtained, it is often by stealthymethods, in questionable quarters, and of a doubtfulkind.

Parents should understand that, when theirchildren are of marriageable age, they have everyright to know the meaning of that particular formof life, and that, if they ask, they have a perfectright to be informed of the nature of its obligations.And when the reception of the Sacrament is imminent, no parent, worthy of the name, should rest


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62 THE CATHOLIC HOMEcontent unless

quiteassured that the young aspirantunderstands all that is involved by the contract.

It requires but a very few well-chosen words, and,if parents feel a native delicacy in being communicative, they should suggest a quiet talk with somedecent Catholic friend. Life-long misery has oftenresulted from the let me call it unnatural silenceof those whose office it is to help to avert disaster.In no other contract under the sun does this strangeconduct hold. How pitiful that it should exist inconnection with the most venerable and the mostimportant contract in the world ! No wonder thatsome of our young people make mistakes : the wonderis that they are not more numerous. No wonderthat scandals exist ! Such mistakes and scandalsare due less to the bad intentions of the young folksthan to the incompetence of their elders.

Let it be understood that, as I am dealing solelywith Home Life, I am not voicing an opinion as tothe expediency or non-expediency of instructingschool-children; although, as a matter of fact, I amopposed to such teaching. I am rigidly confiningmy view to young people of marriageable age.When, at that age, mild curiosity is awakened,with regard to what is most vital in Society, it issimply unpardonable to attempt to burke inquiry.If the veil of so-called mystery be not raised withreverent hands by those whose office it is to guide ;


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PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 63if

pertinent questionsbe not candidly answered; if

it be suggested that the matter is taboo amongstGod-fearing people, then the bewildered youths willbe, perforce, thrown upon the tender mercies ofhundreds round about, who treat this fundamentalquestion with anything but a reverent spirit. Tothis, again, must be ascribed many of the evils thatabound. It is useless to declaim against the evilsof race suicide, the scandals of divorce, the villainiesof seduction, all the while that young people areleft to their own surmises, on the plea that " where/gnorance is bliss, tis folly to be wise." Ignorancewith regard to the conditions of a contract is notbliss it is stupidity. Ignorance with regard tothis, the most important of all contracts, is notbliss, nor is it true modesty it is criminal, becauseit is founded on injustice. For it is an injustice toyoung people to allow them to bind themselves forlife in ignorance of the major details of their duties.It is to leave them to gambol in the moonshine ofsentimentality, all the while that their future willbristle with hard facts.The root of the evil of over-reticence springs reallyfrom the soil of irreverence. There can be no real

reverence entertained for young people if it be tooreadily supposed that they are curious with wrongintent. The more charitable and the more justview is that their curiosity is entirely wholesome.


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64 THE CATHOLIC HOMEIt should be supposed that they wish to know,simply that they may act rightly. One who wishesto do wrong asks no questions. He is a law to himself. His mind is already made up. And in puttingquestions, our young people are not prying intomysteries. There can be no mystery about a humancontract. If they are informed in a sympathetic,straightforward and reverent manner, they will beled to bless and to praise the great Creator, they willprove zealous supporters of the Church in her wiselegislation, their reverence for the state of Matrimony will be deepened, and they will be saved fromthe clutches of those whose conversation is lewd,and from the bad impressions made by books thatare vile.Too much reticence is an irreverence to God and

His works and His sanctions. It is made appearthat some of His ordinances are almost uncanny,all the while that they are the fruits of His wisdomand His power.The problem for the person of whom information

is asked is to know whether the motive of theinquirer is good or bad. If the person be of a suitable age, the only motive that can be imputed asevil is that of pruriency, i.e., a desire for knowledgemerely for the gratification of morbid curiosity.When, from the lips of the truly reverent, adequate

information reaches the minds of sensible young


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PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 65people, the way is paved for the easy understandingof the legislation of the Church. The Laws of theChurch seem hard and fast only to the ignorant.Once our young people grasp the real dignity ofMatrimony, as the divinely appointed means topeople the earth with children legitimately born,healthy in body and. holy in soul, honourable intheir progenitors and with hopes of a happy immortality, it is marvellous how easily they graspthe reasonableness of the Laws regarding Consanguinity, Affinity, Spiritual Relationship, and theothers that are promulgated as safeguards of thisgreat Sacrament. Full knowledge, reverently imparted, informs them of the part they have to playin co-operating with the creative work of God, andis more likely to save them from mutual dangersthan a thousand head-shakings and a millionmuffled sentences.

In fine, if parents strive to be more companionablewith their grown-up children, and if mothers especially take their daughters to their hearts and givethem their confidence, they may rest assured thatconfidences will be given in return. Trained thus,the young women will become the earthly angel-guardians of the young men, whose company theykeep with a view to Matrimony, and the result willbe an approach to the altar in a befitting manner.For a considerable time marriage has loomed up

5


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66 THE CATHOLIC HOMEbefore them as the greatest of all contracts; theirknowledge of its obligations has inspired mutualrespect ; they have loved to receive Holy Communionregularly, by way of preparation; they have thusdisposed themselves for the Nuptial Blessing, and,as long as life lasts, they will look back on the chastedays of courtship with gladness of heart for thatchastity was the outcome, under God, of the deepreverence they entertained for the holy state whichit is now their privilege to enjoy.


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VIIIMIXED MARRIAGES

THE legislation of the Church with regard tomixed marriages does not meet with thesympathy it deserves. Outside the Fold it is treatedwith ill-concealed contempt, and, within, it is insome quarters far from being welcomed with adocile spirit. Let us hope that this lack of docilityproceeds more from misunderstanding than fromwant of good will; for if the latter could, in all cases,be alleged, we should have reason to fear for thefuture of the Church and for the peace and happinessof the home. As mixed marriages seem, in diversplaces, to be on the increase, it would bode ill forCatholicity if it could be proved that they are theresult of stubbornness on the side of the Catholicpartner. It seems to us that although self-will and,in some rare cases, a positively bad will, do precipitatesuch marriages, the great majority of them are dueto failure in grasping the importance of the principlesthat are at stake. We are convinced that if theyoung folk, who now murmur and complain aboutthe strictness of matrimonial legislation, had patienceenough to consider the matter in all its bearings, they67


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68 THE CATHOLIC HOMEwould become more amenable to the laws of theChurch.As a prelim nary to right understanding, our

readers are asked to accept it as an historic fact thatthe Church, from its institution, has been, and nowis, a true and tender mother; for, unless this factbe accepted and kept in mind, the legislation ofthe Church will tend to irritate rather than toconciliate. It seems to us that forgetfulness of thisvery point is chiefly responsible for the modernspirit of irreverence and disobedience. The primaryinstinct of a true mother is the safety of her children.She toils, she suffers, she makes untold sacrificesfor the sake of her offspring. She is content tosow in tears so long as she can reasonably hope thather children will reap in joy. When she points outa line of duty, it is because her insight and her experience assure her that it is the safest one for themto follow. When she inflicts pains and penalties, itis because she loves those whom she has brought intothe world: " He who spareth the rod hateth thechild." This, which is perfectly true of our mothersaccording to the flesh provided they rise to thelevel of their responsibilities is especially true ofour spiritual mother, the Church; but with thisimportant distinction that the Church is incomparably more enlightened, even in her disciplinarylegislation, than the ordinary members of the Fold.


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MIXED MARRIAGES 69Now it is surely not expecting too much from our

young people, who have been baptized into, andbrought up in, the One True Church, to make themselves acquainted with her mind in the importantmatter under discussion. For the Church cannothave existed through so many ages without havingmade up her mind, in one way or the other. Moreover, being the Spouse of Christ, illumined andassisted by the Holy Ghost, and divinely appointedto be our teacher and our unerring guide, she couldnot possibly have made up her mind in a mannerat variance with the best interests of her children:" Can a mother forget her child ?"

It is here, however, that some of our young folksprofess to be rather perplexed. On the one hand,they are told that the Church has always been, andthat it still is, strongly opposed to mixed marriages,while on the other, they are well aware that dispensations for the celebration of such are granted in allparts of the world. When they reflect that largenumbers of mixed marriages are contracted in GreatBritain, they are led to assume, far too readily, thatthe

legislation of the Church need not be takenseriously and that, as dispensations have beenconceded to others, they will, as a matter of course,be granted to themselves. If externals only werein question, the above reasoning would be justifiable,for the frequency of mixed marriages in Britain


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;o THE CATHOLIC HOMEhas become notorious; but our readers must remember that every single marriage of that kindhas been prefaced by the sifting of evidence, and thatthe Church has dispensed solely on the ground thatthe evidence was sufficient to justify its action.But, even in the act of dispensing, she shows herdispleasure by withholding her blessing.She discountenances them because of her longand intimate knowledge of their dangers; but incases where she fears that, by not dispensing,graver dangers may be induced, she relaxes her law.It must not be inferred that this is the doing of evilthat good may come: it is rather choosing the lesserof two evils. The Church considers it an evil thatthe holy state of Matrimony should be entered intoby those whose minds are divided on the subjectof Faith, but that the evil would be greater if themisguided partners elected to live in sin. In granting a dispensation she exacts promises which, ifkept, will be likely to safeguard the Faith of theCatholic partner and all the children of the marriage;and if the conditions laid down by her seem hard,it must be remembered that every word thereofis suggested by the Holy Spirit of God who is herguide. " He that heareth you heareth Me."

If, in a spirit of holiness, wisdom and justice,the Church has been led to legislate, as above, shehas also been led to relax her laws according to the


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MIXED MARRIAGES 7*needs of time and place. In the beginnings ofChristian Society, when the Pagans enormouslyexceeded the Christians in number, it is evident thatif she had not relaxed the law, by granting dispensations for the marriage of believers with unbelievers,the growth of Christianity would have been retarded.In those early days the Christians were so strong inthe Faith and so fervent in the practice of their holyreligion that she had every hope of a large harvestof souls through the concessions she granted. Atthat time, so great was her solicitude for the spiritualwelfare of her children, that if two unbelievershad contracted Matrimony, and one of them becamea convert to the Faith, the latter had the right torepudiate the other, if he or she refused to allow theconvert the peaceable exercise of the true religion.To this day, this privilege promulgated by St.Paul, and therefore called " The Pauline Privilege "

is in force in Pagan countries. It may be hereremarked that the Church bars marriage with anunbaptized person by what is called a DirimentImpediment, i.e., an impediment which renderssuch a marriage null and void, short of a dispensationhaving been asked and obtained.As the world grew older and heresies arose whichoccasioned their adherents being cut off from theOne True Church, a state of things arose somewhatsimilar to that which existed in earlier days. In


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72 THE CATHOLIC HOMEdistricts almost depopulated of Catholics by bloodypersecution it was, humanly speaking, necessaryto dispense, and thus we find dispensations grantedfor the celebration of what is called a mixed marriage,i.e., the marriage of a Catholic with one who has beenbaptized in some Church other than the true one.The impediment to a marriage of this kind, althoughprohibitive, did not render the marriage null andvoid, but, if contracted without a dispensation, itput the Catholic party under the ban of mortal sinand deprived the marriage of the blessing of theChurch. Even in granting dispensations, the Churchreprobated such unions, unless the circumstanceswere of such a nature as to render them absolutelynecessary, as the lesser of two evils.

According to a general law of the Church, it maybe broadly said that, since Easter, 1908, any marriage between two Catholics, or between a Catholicand a baptized non-Catholic, which has not beencelebrated before a duly approved Catholic priestand two witnesses is invalid, and this invaliditywill apply to all such marriages in the future.Now that we have tried to disclose the mind ofthe Church with regard to mixed marriages, we shouldask our young men whether they can conscientiouslysay that the conditions of modern life are of sucha nature as to necessitate the relaxation of the lawon their behalf. Can they say with truth that,


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MIXED MARRIAGES 73in Great Britain, there is such a dearth of eligibleCatholic partners as warrants their seeking the lifelong companionship of those who are outside theFold ? If, in one particular locality, there be adearth of desirable Catholic families, are not themeans of communication with more favoured districts sufficiently easy to admit of their goingfarther afield in search of wives who will bring God sblessing on them and their future homes ? If ayoung man think nothing at all of scouring thecountry in search of better conditions of labour, isit too much to ask him to take at least some painsin seeking a life partner of his own Faith ?

Short of making serious efforts to seek and finda Catholic wife, it would be most unfair on the partof a marriageable young man to say: " The Churchhas dispensed others why should not I enjoy alike privilege ?" Our tender Mother, the Church,much as she reprobates it, will also dispense him, ifsufficient reasons be given, but the onus (and it isa serious one) lies on him of, first of all, taking atleast some pains to win the love of one who is afaithful member of the Church.Seeing that, in populous districts, there arehundreds of splendid Catholic young women tochoose from, it is evident that our Catholic youngmen who contract mixed marriages have not putthemselves to any particular trouble in endeavouring


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74 THE CATHOLIC HOMEto secure that most precious of all earthly treasures,a good Catholic wife. It is an insult to thoseexcellent young women, nay it is an insult offeredto our Holy Mother the Church, and is well calculated to bring upon her the sneers and scoffs ofProtestant critics, who find her bringing up youngwomen with the most tender solicitude, only tohave them despised and rejected by the young menof their Faith.From the spirit in which these chapters are written,

our readers will, it is to be hoped, agree that we havenothing whatsoever to say against our non-Catholicfriends, as neighbours and fellow-workers. But inthe pursuit of our project of setting forth theprinciples that are conducive to the holiness andhappiness of the home we should not be true tothose principles if we did not try to make it clearthat religion is the very corner-stone of true happiness. From the moment that the young couplekneel at the altar for the Nuptial Blessing until thetime comes when one or other will be carried tothe grave it is religion that will be found their mostdurable support and their deepest consolation.The strength of the husband will decay and thebeauty of the wife will fade; many will be the vicissitudes of their lives sunshine and storm, successand failure, health and sickness but if there beunity in the Faith, and in the exercise of their


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MIXED MARRIAGES 75religious duties,

balm will be found for every wound,resignation will lighten every cross, and perseveranceto the end, in supernatural love, will be assured.Would to God that every young man of ma

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