The 529 Best

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The 529 Best Things

ANYBODY EVER SAID

Apostolos Karanikolos

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-The words that enlighten the soul are more precious than jewels.

Inayat Khan (1882-1927) Indian spiritual leader

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Table of Contents Dedication, 4 Introduction, 5 Wit, 6 Wisdom, 53 Humor, 109 Index, 188

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Dedication Dear friend, This book is dedicated to YOU. I feel certain that the words you’ll read are going to entertain your mind, and enlighten your soul.

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Introduction Congratulations on your choice to acquire the collection with The 529 Best Things Anybody Ever Said. You have gained access to a treasure of knowledge and entertainment and what now remains is to conquer that knowledge and make it your own. How you’ll benefit the most from “The 529 Best Things Anybody Ever Said”. By Thought. We do not grow spiritually by what we read but from what we think about what we read. WE NEVER MOVE FORWARD UNTIL WE BEGIN TO THINK. Read less, think more, and smile more.

Apostolos Karanikolos July 1, 2008

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Chapter1 - Wit >> Wit: the ability to use words and ideas in a clever, amusing and imaginative way.

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-1- There will be a time when you believe

everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

Louis l’Amour (1908-1988)

American writer

-2- In every

phenomenon the beginning remains always the most notable moment.

Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)

Scottish writer

Winston Churchill

(1874-1965) British politician, from a speech in 1942, after the

British defeat of the German army in

Egypt

-3- Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is,

perhaps, the end of the beginning.

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-4- I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. Michelangelo (1475-1564) Italian painter-sculptor-architect

-5- Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.

Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English writer

-6- We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we

can only fly by embracing one another.

Luciano de Crescenzo (1928- ) Italian writer

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-7- Absence diminishes mediocre loves and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires. Francois de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French writer

-8- Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and without stars.

Confucius (551-479 bC) Chinese philosopher

-9- An event has happened, upon which it is difficult to speak, and impossible to be silent.

Edmund Burke (1729-1797) Irish politician

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-10- Every situation, every moment, is of infinite value, because it is the representative of all eternity. Johan Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German poet-dramatist

-11- Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.

Hermann Hesse (1877-1962) German author, Nobel prize in

literature 1946

-12- Perhaps the truth depends on a walk around the lake.

Wallace Stevens (1879-1955) American poet

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-13- If there were only one truth, it wouldn’t be possible to do 100 variations on the same theme. Pablo Picasso (1881-1973) Spanish painter

-14- The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well

be another profound truth.

Niels Bohr (1885-1962) Danish physicist, Nobel prize in physics 1922

-15- There's one sad truth in life I've found While journeying east and west - The only folks we really wound

Are those we love the best.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850-1919) American poet

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-16- A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it. Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English writer

-17- Your work is good and original. But the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not

good.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer

-18- If you don’t expect the unexpected, you will not find it.

Heraclitus (535-475 bC) Greek philosopher

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-19- If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there’d be peace. John Lennon (1940-1980) English singer-songwriter

-20- If someone knows exactly what’s going to happen, why do it?

Pablo Picasso (1881-1973) Spanish painter

Nick Lappos Chief R&D pilot

-21- If you find yourself in a

fair fight, you didn’t plan it properly.

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-22- If everyone is thinking the same, then someone is not thinking. George S. Patton (1885-1945) American general

-23- If you really want to understand something, try to change it.

Kurt Lewin (1890-1947) German psychologist

-24- If everybody thought before they spoke, the

silence would be deafening.

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-25- If things are getting easier, maybe you are headed downhill. Ghana’s proverb

-26- The man who does not read good books has no

advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Mark Twain (1835-1910) American writer

-27- One never goes so far as when one doesn’t know where one is going.

Johan Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German dramatist

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-28- Seek simplicity - and having found it, suspect it. James Conant (1893-1978) American chemist

-29- Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.

Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian leader

-30- When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.

James Matthew Barrie (1860-1937) Scottish novelist, creator of

Peter Pan

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-31- Laughter is the closest distance between two people. Victor Borge (1909-2000) Danish pianist

-32- I have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man.

Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881) British politician

-33- It is often woman who inspires us with the great things that she prevents us from accomplishing.

Alexandre Dumas (1802-1870) French writer

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-34- You do not inherit the earth of your ancestors; you borrow it from your children. Antoine de Saint Exupery (1900-1944) French writer-aviator

-35- I never desire to converse with a man who has written more than he has read.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) British author

-36- You can’t fake quality any more than you can fake a good meal.

William S. Burroughs (1914-1997) American novelist

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-37- A point is not part of a line. Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) Italian architect-painter

38- Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

Michael Levine (1954- ) American writer

-39- I have nothing, owe a great deal, and the rest I leave to the poor.

Francois Rabelais (1492-1553) French writer

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-40- He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish playwright, Nobel prize for literature 1925

-41- It takes a long time to understand nothing.

Edward Dahlberg (1900-1977) American novelist

-42- Each person is guilty for all the good he didn't do.

Voltaire (1694-1778) French writer

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-43- A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfections. Chinese proverb

-44- I’d rather have roses on my table than diamonds on

my neck.

Emma Goldman (1869-1940) Lithuanian writer

-45- If you think you are too small to make a difference,

try sleeping in a closed room with a mosquito. 14th Dalai Lama (1935- ) head of state of the people of Tibet,

Nobel peace prize 1989

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-46- Every action in our lives touches on some chore which will vibrate in eternity. Edwin Hubbel Chapin (1814-1880) American cleric

-47- Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought.

Henri L. Bergson (1859-1941) French philosopher, 1927 Nobel prize in literature

-48- The road up and the road down are one and the same.


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-49- Lead me, follow me or get out of my way. George S. Patton (1885-1945) American general

-50- Do not go where the path may lead, go instead

where there is no path and leave a trail.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American poet

-51- There are no shortcuts for any place worth going.

Beverly Sills (1929-2007) American opera singer

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-52- Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him. Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) British writer

-53- The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) British philosopher, Nobel prize in

literature 1950

Nana (age 103)

-54- We don’t stop playing because

we get old; we get old because we stop playing.

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-55- It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult. Seneca the elder (54 bC-39) Roman orator

-56- Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian political and spiritual

leader

-57- Everybody wants to understand painting. Why isn’t there an effort to understand the song of the birds?


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-58- Life could be much better if we had its source code. William Gibson (1948- ) American novelist

-59- I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I

was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.

Chuang-Tzu (369-286 bC) Chinese philosopher

-60- Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.

Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) American diplomat

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-61- If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas. George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish playwright, Nobel prize in Literature 1925

-62- An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.

Don Marquis (1878-1937) American writer

-63- You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.

Pearl Buck (1892-1973) American novelist

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-64- I shut my eyes in order to see. Paul Gauguin (1848-1903) French painter

-65- Genius is the African who dreams of snow.

Vladimir Nabokov (1899-1977) Russian poet

-66- Keep a green tree in your heart, and perhaps a songbird will come.

Chinese proverb

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-67- Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell. Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) British writer

-68- A writer should write with his eyes and a painter

paint with his ears.

Gertrude Stein (1874-1946) American writer-poet

-69- He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Winston Churchill (1874-1965) British politician, Nobel prize in

literature 1953

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-70- I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. A.J. Liebling (1904-1963) American journalist

-71- Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and

we are never, ever the same.

Flavia Weedn American artist

-72- If you have knowledge, let others light their candle

with it.

Winston Churchill (1874-1965) British politician

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-73- Don’t be afraid of mistakes, there aren’t any. Miles Davis (1926-1991) American musician

-74- Truthful words are not beautiful, beautiful words are not truthful. Good words are not convincing, convincing

words are not good.

Lao Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism

-75- Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.

Tom Robbins (1936- ) American writer

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-76- Not speaking is a flower. Japanese proverb

-77- Believe that everything is for you until you discover that you are for it.

Don Marquis (1878-1937) American writer

-78- Don’t let one cloud obliterate the whole sky.

Anais Nin (1903-1977) French author

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-79- Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

-80- Bright father, bright daughter - bright mother, bright son.

Russian proverb

-81- A person hears only what they understand.

Johann Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German dramatist

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-82- Our greatest stupidities may be very wise. Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian philosopher

-83- I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

E.E. Cummings (1894-1962) American poet

-84- All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.

Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

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-85- The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously. Henry Kissinger (1923- ) US diplomat, Nobel Peace prize 1973

-86- Take up an idea, devote yourself to it, struggle on in

patience, and the sun will rise for you.

Swami Vivekananda (1863-1902) Indian spiritual leader

-87- No object is mysterious. The mystery is in our eye.

Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) Irish writer

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-88- The secret of success is to do the usual things unusually well. John D. Rockefeller (1839-1937) American industrialist

-89- The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing.

George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish playwright, Nobel prize

for literature 1925

-90- And what is the greatest number? Number one.

David Hume (1711-1776) Scottish philosopher

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-91- Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American poet

-92- Beauty is the wisdom of women. Wisdom is the

beauty of men.

Chinese proverb

-93- Beauty is the eternity looking itself at a mirror.

Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) Lebanese poet

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-94- The center of every man's existence is a dream. G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English writer

-95- I dream my painting, and then I paint my dream.

Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890) Dutch painter

-96- All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.

Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849) American author-poet

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-97- When you reach the top, keep climbing. Zen proverb

-98- When I drink, I think, and when I think, I drink.

Francois Rabelais (1495-1553) French writer

-99- Life does not cease to be funny when people die any

more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish playwright, Nobel prize

in Literature 1925

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-100- When you are born, you cry and the world is happy. When you die, you are happy and the world is crying. Tibetan proverb

-101- When you confront the insane, pretend you are logical.

Hermann Hesse (1877-1962) German writer, Nobel prize for

literature 1946

-102- In the end, we will remember not the words of our

enemies, but the silence of our friends. Martin Luther King (1929-1968) US clergyman-reformer, Nobel

Peace Prize 1964

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-103- Man is born to live and not to prepare to live. Boris Pasternak (1890-1960) Russian poet

-104- I’m not young enough to know everything.

Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish playwright-poet

-105- The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.

Karl Marx (1818-1883) German political economist

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-106- The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization. Sigmund Freud (1836-1939) Austrian psychiatrist

-107- We are born princes and the process of civilization

turns us to frogs.

Eric Berne (1910-1970) Canadian psychiatrist-writer

-108- Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.

Niels Bohr (1885-1962) Danish physicist, Nobel prize in physics

1922

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-109- Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied. Otto von Bismarck (1815-1898) German Chancellor

-110- Someone sits in the shadow today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.

Waren Buffet (1930- ) American investor

-111- Beauty is power, smile is its sword.

Charles Reade (1814-1884) English novelist

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-112- All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark. Swami Vivekananda (1863-1902) Indian spiritual leader

-113- Talent is like money; you don’t have to have some to talk about it.

Jules Renard (1864-1910) French writer

-114- Talent develops in quiet places, character in the full current of human life.

Johan Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German dramatist

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-115- Art doesn’t have to be ugly to look clever. Patrick Mimran (1956- ) French artist

-116- Treat a work of art like a prince. Let it speak to you

first.

Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860) German philosopher

-117- Art should be like a good armchair which provides

relaxation from physical fatigue.

Henry Matisse (1869-1954) French painter

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-118- Good art is not what seems beautiful; it’s what makes us feel beautiful. Roy Aznak (1927-1987) English photographer-sculptor

-119- Nothing is that which fills no space.

Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) Italian architect-painter

-120- One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

Will Durant (1885-1981) American historian

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-121- Nothing is as good as it seems beforehand. George Eliot (1819-1880) English novelist

-122- From a distance it is something, from nearby it is nothing.

Jean de la Fontaine (1621-1695) French poet

-123- Nothing is interesting if you are not interested.

Helen MacInnes (1907-1985) Scottish novelist

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-124- There is strong shadow where there is much light. Johann Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German dramatist

-125- When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out because that’s what is inside. When you squeeze a

human, what comes out is what is inside.

Wayne Dyer (1940- ) American psychiatrist

-126- Every time a child says, “I don't believe in fairies”,

there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead. James M. Barrie (1860-1937) Scottish playwright from the play

“peter pan”

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-127- There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors. Jim Morrison (1943-1971) singer of “The Doors”

-128- A philosopher who is not taking part in discussions

is like a boxer who never goes into the ring.

Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian philosopher

-129- The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our

cages.

Virginia Woolf (1882-1941) British writer

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-130- I found I could say things with colors that I couldn’t say in any other way - things that I had no words for. Georgia O’Keeffe (1887-1986) American painter

-131- Color is the place where our brain and the universe

meet.

Paul Klee (1879-1940) Swiss painter

-132- Clouds come into my life, not to bring rain or storm, but to add color to my shiny sky.

Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941) Indian poet-philosopher

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-133- There is no blue without yellow and without orange. Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890) Dutch painter

-134- Never so many lies are told as before an election, during a war, and after a hunting trip.

Willy Brandt (1913-1992) German Chancellor, Nobel peace

prize 1971

-135- The art is a lie that leads us to the truth.


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-136- Three o’clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980) French philosopher, declined Nobel prize in literature 1964

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Chapter2- Wisdom

>> Wisdom: the ability, developed through experience, insight and reflection, to discern truth and exercise good

judgment.

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-137- The beginning of wisdom is the awareness of our ignorance. Cleobulus (circa 560 bC) one of the 7 sages

-138- It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) Italian architect

-139- Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same

direction. Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900-1944) French novelist-aviator

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-140- There are no big things. Only small things with big love. Mother Teresa (1910-1997) Albanian nun, Nobel peace prize 1979

-141- There is only one good, which is knowledge, and one evil, which is ignorance.

Plato (427-347 bC) Greek philosopher

-142- True ignorance is not the absence of knowledge, but the refusal to acquire it.

Karl Popper (1902-1994) Austrian philosopher

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-143- Believe and act like it is impossible to fail. Charles Kettering (1876-1958) American inventor

-144- It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood.


-145- Even if I am a minority of one, truth is still the truth.

Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian spiritual leader

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-146- The greatest truths cannot be put in words. Lao Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher-founder of Taoism

-147- All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed, second it is violently opposed, and third, it is

accepted as self-evident.

Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860) German philosopher

-148- No one thing is true. It’s all true. Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American author, Nobel prize

in Literature 1954

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-149- Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped. African proverb

-150- An artist is never ahead of his time but most

people are far behind theirs.

Edgard Varese (1883-1965) French music composer

-151- You can pretend to be serious but you can’t pretend to be funny.

Sacha Guitry (1885-1957) French actor

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-152- We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit. Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

-153- Education costs money but so does ignorance.

Claus Moser (1922- ) German educator

-154- The mystical is not how the world is, but that it is.


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-155- There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills. Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of Buddhism

-156- If it wasn’t for the injustice, we would not know justice.


-157- But if you don’t have anything else to create, then

perhaps, you create yourself.

Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961) Swiss psychiatrist

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-158- If you want to be happy, be. Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910) Russian writer

-159- If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.

Virginia Woolf (1882-1941) British novelist

-160- If a man will not handle more than he can do, he

will never do all that he can.

Henry Drummond (1851-1897) Scottish writer

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-161- If you want others to trust you, trust yourself. If you others to respect you, respect yourself. Inayat Khan (1882-1927) Indian spiritual leader

-162- What a lot of things there are a man can do without.

Socrates (470-399 bC) Greek philosopher

-163- The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Ann Landers (1918-2002) American advice columnist

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-164- To know a man, observe how he wins his object, rather than how he loses it; for when we fail our pride supports us; when we succeed, it betrays us. Charles Caleb Colton (1780-1832) English cleric-writer

-165- Walking is man’s best medicine.

Hippocrates (460-377 bC) Greek physician

-166- A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.

Chinese proverb

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-167- People who bite the hand that feeds them usually lick the boot that kicks them. Eric Hoffer (1902-1983) American philosopher

-168- Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the

richest inheritance.

Ruth E. Renkel

-169- You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.

Leo Aikman American journalist

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-170- If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him. Gautama Buddha (563-483 bC) founder of Buddhism

-171- The average person thinks he isn’t.

Larry Lorenzoni American cleric

-172- When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

Eric Hoffer (1902-1983) American philosopher

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-173- Man is not the sum of what he has already, but rather the sum of what he does not yet have, of what he could have. Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980) French philosopher, declined Nobel prize in literature 1964

-174- Man knows much more than he understands.

Alfred Alder (1870-1937) Austrian psychiatrist

-175- The moment a man begins to question the meaning and value of life, he is sick.

Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) Austrian neurologist

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-176- Simplicity is indeed often the sign of truth and a criterion of beauty. Mahlon Hoagland (1921- ) American biochemist

-177- Every decision you make – every decision – is not a decision about what to do. It is a decision about who you

are.

Neale Donald Walsch (1943- ) American writer

-178- The hidden harmony is more powerful than the apparent one.


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-179- The world is not to be put in order, the world is order incarnate. It is for us to put ourselves in unison with this order. Henry Miller (1891-1980) American writer

-180- What lies behind us and what lies before us is insignificant to what lies inside us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American poet

-181- The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men.


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-182-The limits of my language are the limits of my mind. All I know is what I have words for. Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian philosopher

-183- One test is worth a thousand expert opinions.

Wernher von Braun (1912-1977) German rocket scientist

-184- The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance;

it is the illusion of knowledge.

Stephen Hawking (1942- ) British physicist

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-185- Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. Herman Hesse (1877-1962) German author, Nobel prize in literature 1946

-186- Those who have knowledge, don’t predict. Those

who predict don’t have knowledge.

Lao-Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism

-187- Facts do not cease to exist because they are

ignored.

Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) British writer

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-188- He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have. Socrates (470-399 bC) Greek philosopher

-189- There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king

among his.

Helen Keller (1880-1968) American deaf-blind educator

-190- The world is the totality of facts, not of things.


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-191- I never met a man so unknowledgeable I could not learn something from him. Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) Italian physicist-astronomer

-192- Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise.

Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) British philosopher, Nobel Prize in

literature 1950

-193- No matter how many instances of white swans we may have observed, this does not justify the conclusion

that all swans are white.


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-194- No man ever became wise by chance. Seneca the elder (54 bC-39 AD) Roman orator

-195- In short, the habits we form from childhood make

no small difference, but rather they make all the difference.


-196- A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.


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-197- If you do the small jobs well, the big ones tend to take care of themselves. Dale Carnegie (1888-1955) American writer

-198- Thus every action must be due to one or other of seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit,

reasoning, anger, or appetite.


-199- Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving

till the right action arises by itself? Lao-Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism

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-200- In protecting oneself, others are protected; In protecting others, oneself is protected. Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of Buddhism

-201- As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to

live.

Johann Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German dramatist-poet

-202- You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his

questions.

Mahfouz Naguib (1911- ) Egyptian novelist

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-203- No man is clever enough to know all the evil he does. Francois de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French author

-204- A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.

Chinese proverb

-205- We do not smile because something good has happened; rather something good happens because we

smile.

Japanese proverb

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-206- They can because they think they can. Virgil (70-19 bC) Roman poet

-207- Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become.

Jim Rohn American motivational speaker

-208- Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.

Voltaire (1694-1778) French philosopher-writer

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-209- If you want happiness for an hour – take a nap. If you want happiness for a day – go fishing. If you want happiness for a month – get married. If you want happiness for a year – inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime – help someone else. Chinese proverb

-210- In life you don’t get what you want, you get what you are.

Les Brown (1945- ) American motivational speaker

-211- Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. Helen Keller (1880-1968) American writer, an illness at the age

of 19 months left her deaf and blind

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-212- The purpose of life is to discover True Love; the secret is to discover the Present Moment.

-213- The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.


-214- Every person who wins in any undertaking must be willing to cut all sources of retreat. Only by doing so can one be sure of maintaining that state of mind known as a

burning desire to win – essential to success.

Napoleon Hill (1883-1970) American writer

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-215- The rainbow would be even more beautiful if the show was not for free. Netherlands Antilles proverb

-216- To be deeply loved gives you strength, to love

deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzu (570-490 bC) Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism

-217- Genius is talent exercised with courage.


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-218- Can any man be courageous who has the fear of death in him? Plato (427-347 bC) Greek philosopher

-219- Courage is the first of human qualities because it is

the quality that guarantees the others.


-220- It takes courage to mature and become who you really are.

E.E. Cummings (1894-1962) American poet

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-221- To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American poet

-222- First learn the meaning of what you say, and then

speak.

Epictetus (55-135) Greek philosopher

-223- Raise your sail one foot and you get ten feet of wind.

Chinese proverb

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-224- Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Just as the candle won't be shortened, one's happiness never decreases by being shared. Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of Buddhism

-225- All living creatures are in search of a better world.


-226- Each friend represents a world in us, a world

possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.

Anais Nin (1903-1977) French writer

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-227- No one could make a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little. Edmund Burke (1729-1797) Irish politician

-228- The sharpest sword is a word spoken in wrath;

Gautama Buddha (568-488 bC) founder of Buddhism

-229- I have realized that the past and future are real illusions that they exist in the present, which is what

there is and all there is.

Alan Watts (1915-1973) English philosopher

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-230- What it lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do. Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

-231- Being blind is bad but worse is to have eyes and

not see.

Helen Keller (1880-1968) blind-deaf American educator

-232- If you see what is right and fail to act on it, you lack courage.


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-233- Don’t marry the person which you can live with. Marry the person which you cannot live without. James C. Dobson (1936- ) American psychologist

-234- Stand out of my sunlight.

Diogenes of Sinope (412-323 bC) Greek cynical philosopher, when asked if there was any favor Alexander the Great might

do for him

-235- Your vision will be clear when you will look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams, who looks inside,

awakens.


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-236- Human race differs from the animals only by little, and most people throw that little away. Confucius (551-479 bC) Chinese philosopher

-237- It requires wisdom to understand wisdom; the music is nothing if the audience is deaf.

Walter Lippmann (1889-1974) American journalist

-238- Anything the mind can hold and believe the mind can achieve.

Napoleon Hill (1883-1970) American writer

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-239- Do not stay in the past; do not dream of the future, concentrate your mind on the present moment. Gautama Buddha (563-483 bC) founder of Buddhism

-240- Here is my secret. It is very simple. It is only with

the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900-1944) French writer-aviator

-241- Freed from desire, you can see the hidden mystery. By having desire, you can only see what is visibly real.


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-242- Begin at once to live! Seneca the elder (54 bC-39) Roman orator

-243- If you wish to learn the highest truths, begin with the alphabet.

Japanese proverb

-244- Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.


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-245- What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides an oasis. Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900-1944) French writer-aviator

-246- An advice is as good as the person that gives it.

Francisco Goya (1746-1828) Spanish painter

-247- As long as people torture animals and eat their flesh, there will be war.


for literature 1925

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-248- Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961) Swiss psychiatrist

-249- When not prompted by vanity, we say little.

François de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French author

-250- When the pupil is ready to learn, a teacher will appear.

Zen proverb

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-251- We are most nearly ourselves when we achieve the seriousness of the child at play. Heraclitus (535-475 bC) Greek philosopher

-252- After the game, the king and the pawn go into the

same box.

Italian proverb

-253- You can discover more about a person in an hour of

play than in a year of conversation.

Plato (427-347 bC) Greek philosopher

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-254- The whole is more than the sum of its parts. Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

-255- There is nothing that lasts more in life for a woman than what she builds in a man’s heart.

Judith Anderson (1898-1992) Australian actress

-256- A man is rich in proportion to the number of things

which he can afford to let alone.

Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) American writer

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-257- No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place. Zen proverb

-258- The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.


-259- The big people never understand nothing by themselves, and it's tiring for us children to always try to

explain things to them.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900-1944) French writer-aviator

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-260- Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) French Emperor

-261- Never confuse motion with action.

Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American author, Nobel prize in literature 1954

-262- The actions of men are the best interpreters of

their thoughts.

John Locke (1632-1704) English philosopher

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-263- Except our own thoughts, there is nothing absolutely in our power. Rene Descartes (1596-1650) French philosopher

-264- By thought, the thing you want is brought to you. By action, you receive it.

Wallace Wattles (1860-1911) American writer

-265- All that we are is the result of what we have thought. What we think we become.


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-266- There is no cause so right that one cannot find a fool following it. Laurence van Cott Niven (1938- ) American science fiction author

-267- It is a great skill to know how to hide your skill.

François de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French author

-268- We tried all the systems that had been tried before, then we tried our own systems and we tried some combinations that no one had ever thought of.

Eventually, we flew.

Orville Wright (1871-1948) American aviator

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-269- Nothing is so firmly believed as what is least known. Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French writer

-270- Nature does nothing uselessly.


-271- Whatever you are from nature, keep to it; never

desert your own line of talent. Be what nature intended you for, and you will succeed; be anything else, and you

will be ten thousands times worse than nothing.

Sydney Smith (1771-1845) English clergyman

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-272- No evil can happen to a good man, neither in life nor after death. Plato (427-347 bC) Greek philosopher

-273- Nothing is as difficult as not deceiving oneself.


-274- At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.


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-275- There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them. Werner Heisenberg (1901-1976) German physicist, Nobel prize in physics 1932

-276- There is nothing worse for the human moral that a

small but adequate income.

Edmund Wilson (1895-1972) American writer

-277- Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk

in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

Albert Camus (1913-1960) French philosopher

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-278- Friends are generally of the same sex, for when men and women agree, it is only in the conclusions; their reasons are always different. George Santayana (1863-1952) Spanish philosopher

-279- Where lies friendship, there is one’s homeland.

Voltaire (1694-1778) French writer

-280- Where fear is present, wisdom cannot be.

Lactantius (240-320) Christian author

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-281- We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears. Francois de la Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French author

-282- The whole secret of existence is to have no fear.

Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.


-283- Nothing is terrible except fear itself.

Francis Bacon (1571-1626) English philosopher

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-284- A man will be imprisoned in a room with a door that's unlocked and opens inwards; as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push. Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian philosopher

-285- Character is the base of happiness and happiness is the measure of character.

George Santayana (1863-1952) Spanish philosopher

-286- Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and

patient effort is needed to develop good character.


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-287- A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. G.C. Lichtenberg (1742-1799) German physician-writer

-288- Character is not something which you are born with, like fingerprints and cannot change. It is something

which you are not born with and you have the responsibility to develop.

Jim Rohn American motivational speaker

-289- The formation of character should everybody’s primary goal.

Johann Wolfgang Goethe (1749-1832) German poet-dramatist

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-290- The time is always right to do what is right. Martin Luther King (1929-1968) American clergyman, Nobel peace prize 1964

-291- Time heals what reason cannot.

Seneca the elder (54 bC-39) Roman orator

-292- Time goes, you say? Ah, no! Alas, time stays, we go.

Austin Dobson (1912-1963) British racecar driver

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-293- We live in deeds, not years: in thoughts not breaths; in feelings, not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best. Aristotle (384-322 bC) Greek philosopher

-294- You cannot touch love; but you feel the sweetness that it pours into everything. Without love you would not

be happy or want to play.

Helen Keller teacher’s answer to Helen’s question “what is love?”

-295- The soul never thinks without a picture.


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-296- Aim at being loved without being admired. Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian philosopher

-297- The man who fears no truths has nothing to fear from lies.

Francis Bacon (1561-1626) English philosopher

-298- The human body is the best picture of the human soul.


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-299-The words that enlighten the soul are more precious than jewels. Inayat Khan (1882-1927) Indian spiritual leader

-300- Obey your soul!

Wallace Wattles (1860-1911) American writer

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Chapter3- Humor

>> Humor: the ability or quality of people, objects or situations to evoke emotions or entertainment to other people.

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-301- In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. Douglas Adams (1952-2001) English writer

-302- Only those who attempt the absurd...will achieve the impossible. I think...I think it's in my basement...Let

me go upstairs and check.

Maurits Escher (1898-1972) Dutch artist

-303- I want to tell you my age but it's impossible. It changes all the time.

Greer Garson (1904-1996) English actress

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-304- The truth is a precious thing. Therefore, use it sparingly. Mark Twain (1835-1910) American author

-305- The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.

Flannery O’Connor (1925-1964) American novelist

-306- We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Niels Bohr (1885-1962) Danish physicist, Nobel prize in physics

1922

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-307- Wagner has lovely moments but awful quarters of an hour. Gioacchino Rossini (1792-1868) Italian music composer

-308- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Steven Wright (1955- ) American comedian

-309- I want to take you seriously but I'm afraid that would be an insult to your intelligence.

William Buckley (1925- ) American journalist

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-310- To die for an idea sounds good but why not let the idea die for you? Wyndham Lewis (1882-1957) English novelist-painter

-311- A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.

Austin O’Malley (1858-1932) American physicist

-312- I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Groucho Marx (1895-1977) American comedian

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-313- Ordinarily he is insane, but he has lucid moments when he is only stupid. Heinrich Heine (1797-1856) German poet

-314- I have enough money for the rest of my life, unless

I buy something.

Jackie Mason (1931- ) American comedian

-315- If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth (1884-1980) daughter of the 26th

US president

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-316- I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress. Jane Siberry (1955- ) Canadian singer-songwriter

-317- Life is like a dogsled team. If you aren’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Lewis Grizzard (1946-1994) American writer

-318- If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.

Jim Eason talk radio broadcaster

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-319- If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. Dick Cavett (1936- ) American TV host

-320- If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it

get us out?

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist

-321- If everything is under control, you are going too slowly.

Mario Andretti (1940- ) American racecar driver

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-322- If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. J.Danforth Quayle (1947- ) 44th US vice president

-323- If other people are going to talk, conversation becomes impossible.

James McNeill Whistler (1834-1903) American painter

-324- If we knew what we are doing, we wouldn't call it

research.

Albert Einstein (1879-1955) German phycisist, Nobel prize in physics 1921

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-325- If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) 16th US president

-326- If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

Sam Levenson (1911-1980) American humorist

-327- As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then

it’s probably not worth knowing anyway.

Bill Waterson (1958- ) American cartoonist

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-328- If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. Florynce Kennedy (1916-2000) American lawyer, civil-rights activist

-329- Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it

doesn’t go up, don’t buy it.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist

-330- If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing pole.

Doug Larson (1902-1981) British racecar driver

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-331- If money doesn’t make you happy give it back. Jules Renard (1864-1910) French writer

-332- Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t.

Richard Bach (1936- ) American writer

-333- Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

P.J. O’Rourke (1947- ) American humorist

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-334- Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. Katharine Hepburn (1907-2003) American actress

-335- If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.

Charles Kettering (1876-1958) American inventor

-336- There is no human problem which could not be

solved if people would simply do as I advise.

Gore Vidal (1925- ) American novelist

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-337- What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen (1935- ) American film director

-338- Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right

person.

Ethel Watts Mumford (1878-1940) American author

-339- No poems can please for long or live that are written by water drinkers.

Horace (65-8 bC) Roman lyric poet

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-340- Presidents Nixon motto was: “if two wrongs don’t make a right, try three”. Norman Cousins (1915-1990) American political journalist

-341- If you think the music is loud, you’re too old.

Ted Nugent (1949- ) American guitarist

-342- If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

Harry S. Truman (1884-1972) 33rd US president

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-343- If I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard. Nothing hates him or envies him or wants him or needs him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat anything. William Faulkner (1897-1962) American writer, Nobel prize in literature 1949

-344- If you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, you are looking the wrong way.

Barry Commoner (1917- ) American biologist

-345- I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Fred Allen (1894-1956) American comedian

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-346- It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. George S. Patton (1885-1945) American General

-347- An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.

Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969) General-politician 34th US

president

-348- Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.


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-349- The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers. Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) 3rd US President

-350- Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it

from betting on people.

W.C. Fields (1880-1946) American entertainer

-351- The man who can’t visualize a horse galloping on a

tomato is an idiot.

Andre Breton (1896-1966) French poet

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-352- Man has made use of his intelligence; he invented stupidity. Remy de Gourmont (1858-1915) French poet

-353- I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.

J.D. Salinger (1919- ) American author

-354- There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand

binary, and those who don’t.

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-355- I’m a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three and enough women for four. Joel Rosenberg (1954- ) Canadian science fiction author

-356- I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917- ) Hungarian actress

-357- Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

Abba Eban (1915-2002) Israeli diplomat

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-358- When I don’t take a decision, it’s not that I don’t think about it. I think about it and take a decision not to take a decision. P.V. Narasimha Rao outgoing Indian Prime Minister defending his reputation for indecisiveness

-359- In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the

importance of the decision.

Paul Dickson American writer

-360- This book fills a much-needed gap.

Moses Hadas (1900-1966) American teacher-book reviewer

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-361- From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Groucho Marx (1895-1977) American comedian

-362- I never lend books, because nobody ever returns them. The only books I have in my library are the ones

other people lent me.

Anatole France (1844-1924) French writer

-363- I was reading a book... “The history of glue” - I couldn’t put it down.

Tim Vine (1967- ) British comedian

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-364- Marriage is a lottery but you can’t tear your ticket if you lose. F.M. Knowles

-365- The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Henny Youngman (1906-1998) American comedian-violin player

-366- Love (n.): Temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) American satirist

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-367- Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t. Victor Borge (1909-2000) Danish pianist

-368- Imagine if birds were tickled by fears. You’d see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!


-369- One day I went to the dentist. He said “Say Aaah”. I said “Why?” He said “My dog’s died”.

Tim Vine (1967- ) British comedian

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-370- Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Why don’t they hire taller dancers? Steven Wright (1955- ) American comedian

-371- At the age of twelve Nero had shown a lively

interest in the arts, particularly music, painting, sculpture, and poetry. Why was nothing done about this?

Will Cuppy (1884-1949) American humorist

-372- Knee (noun): device to locate furniture in the dark.

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-373- I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. Winston Bennett (1965- ) University of Kentucky basketball forward

-374- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) American actor

-375- The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that

juror who smokes the worst cigars.

H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) American journalist

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-376- Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates. Abbott Lawrence Lowell (1856-1943) American educator

-377- When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn’t she behave like a nice man?

Edith Evans (1888-1976) British actress

-378- What is an elegant woman? An elegant woman is a woman who despises you and who has no hair under her

arms.

Salvador Dali (1904-1989) Spanish painter

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-379- Basically my first wife was very immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen (1935- ) American film director

-380- There is nothing so wrong in this world that a sensible woman can't set it right in the course of an

afternoon.

Jean Giraudoux (1907-1989) French writer-diplomat

-381- Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that

has no oil! Golda Meir (1898-1978) Israeli politician, one of the founders of

the state of Israel

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-382- I drink no more than a sponge. Francois Rabelais (1492-1553) French writer

-383- A hospital is no place to be sick.

Samuel Goldwyn (1882-1974) American movie producer

-384- I think they should put a warning label on strawberries: “Caution: tastes nothing like

a strawberry milkshake”.

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-385- One of my chief regrets during my years in the theater is that I couldn’t sit in the audience and watch me. John Barrymore (1882-1942) American actor

-386- Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!


-387- If you can count your money, you do not have a billion dollars.

J.Paul Getty (1892-1976) American businessman, one from the

first billionaires of the 20th century

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-388- I am not sincere, not even when I say I am not. Jules Renard (1864-1910) French writer

-389- Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent

life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Bill Waterson (1958- ) American cartoonist

-390- It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don’t want to

be there when it happens.

Woody Allen (1935- ) American film director

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-391- I do not recognize you – I’ve changed a lot. Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish playwright

-392- A girl called me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home”. I went over. Nobody was

home.

Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) American actor

-393- My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder”.

Steven Wright (1955- ) American actor

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-394- I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach. W.C. Fields (1880-1946) American actor

-395- I have a great diet. You’re allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.

Ed Bluestone (1949- ) American writer

-396- A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.

Erma Bombeck (1927-1996) American journalist

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-397- I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks. Joe E. Lewis (1902-1971) American comedian

-398- I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.

Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917- ) Hungarian actress

-399- Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas

doctors rob you and kill you too.

Anton Chekhov (1860-1904) Russian playwright

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-400- Calvin: “I’m being educated against my will! My rights are being trampled!” Hobbes: “Is it a right to remain ignorant?” Calvin: “I don’t know, but I refuse to find out!” Bill Waterson (1958- ) American cartoonist

-401- If work were good for you, the rich would leave

none to the poor.

Haitian proverb

-402- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it

isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.

Robert Benchley (1889-1945) American columnist

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-403- I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927) English author

-404- I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over

again.

Joan Rivers (1933- ) American comedian

-405- The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far, but we will walk carefully.

Russian proverb

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-406- Room service? Send up a larger room. Groucho Marx (1895-1977) American comedian

-407- When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.


-408- All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me, so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you

with beer.

Homer Simpson character from “the Simpsons”

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-409- Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are. Matt Lauer (1957- ) American journalist on NBC’s “Today” show 1996

-410- The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts workings the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop

until you arrive at the office.

Robert Frost (1874-1963) American poet

-411- Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and

is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.


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-412- Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. Erma Bombeck (1927-1996) American journalist

-413- I like nonsense; it wakes up the brain cells.

Dr. Seuss (1904-1991) American cartoonist

-414- The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

Don Herold (1889-1966) American illustrator

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-415- To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it. Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English writer

-416- A science is any discipline in which the fool of this

generation can go beyond the point reached by the genius of the last generation.

Max Gluckman (1911-1975) South African anthropologist

-417- Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.

Sophia Loren (1934- ) Italian actress

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-418- If I’d known it was going to be a classic, I would have paid attention. Julius Epstein screenwriter of the movie “Casablanca”

-419- The question of whether a computer can think is no

more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Edsger W. Dijkstra (1930-2002) Dutch computer science

-420- It was wonderful to work for Wolfgang Pauli. You

could ask him anything. You didn’t have to wonder if your question was stupid, since he believed that all

questions were stupid.

Victor Frederick Weisskopf (1908- ) American biologist

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-421- Happiness is having a large, loving, caring family in another city. George Burns (1896-1996) American comedian

-422- Painting (n.): The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) American journalist

-423- Working and painting are better from a distance.

Spanish proverb

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-424- My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right? Charles Schulz (1922-2000) American cartoonist

-425- My only complain in life is that I’m not someone else.


-426- The answer to the great question of life, the universe and everything is 42.

Douglas Adams (1952-2001) English writer

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-427- Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? Chico Marx (1887-1961) American comedian

-428- I was x years old in the year x^2.

Augustus De Morgan (1806-1871) British mathematician, when asked for his age

-429- I was so ugly when I was born; the doctor slapped

my mother. Henny Youngman (1906-1998) American comedian-violin player

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-430- If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience.

George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) Irish playwright, Nobel prize in literature 1925 -431- The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you

can fake that, you've got it made.


-432- Are you going to come along quietly, or am I going to have to use ear plugs?

Terence Alan Milligan (1918-2002) Irish writer

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-433- Do something. If it doesn’t work, do something else. No idea is too crazy. Jim Hightower (1943- ) American politician

-434- I think it would be a good idea.

Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) when asked what he thought of Western civilization

-435- Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up

with all the idiots in the world. Hobbes: Isn’t your pants zipper supposed to be in the

front?

Bill Watterson (1953- ) American cartoonist author of the comic-strip “Calvin and Hobbes”

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-436- Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches. The Duchess of Windsor when asked what is the secret of a long and happy life

-437- We’ve been robbed by gay burglars the other night.

They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Robin Williams (1952- ) American actor

-438- The Mexicans gave the Spaniards malaria, and the Spaniards gave the Mexicans smallpox, whooping cough,

diphtheria, and syphilis. The Spaniards believed it was better to give than to receive.


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439- God created man, but I could do better. Erma Bombeck (1927-1996) American columnist

-440- Computer: A million morons working at the speed of light.

David Ferrier (1843-1924) British scientist

-441- Never trust a computer you can't throw out of a window.

Steve Wozniak (1950- ) Pole computer engineer-businessman

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-442- It's a small world unless you have to clean it. From the cover of Snog’s album “Dear Valued Customer”

-443- The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

Robert Frost (1874-1963) American poet

-444- It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

Douglas Adams (1952-2001) English humorist

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-445- I know the answer. The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! What, he answer is twelve? I think I’m in the wrong building. Charles Schulz (1922-2000) American cartoonist

-446- I hate flowers; I only paint them because they are

cheaper than models and do not move.

Georgia O’Keeffe (1887-1986) American painter

-447- Isn’t it strange? The same people who laugh at gypsy fortunetellers take economists seriously.

Cincinnati Enquirer Ohio newspaper

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-448- It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. Sam Levenson (1911-1980) American humorist

-449- There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the

fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.

Mary Little

-450- Spare no expense to make everything as economical as possible.

Samuel Goldwyn (1882-1974) American film producer

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-451- There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother’s age. Benjamin Spock (1903-1998) American pediatrician

-452- His mother should have thrown him away and kept

the stork.

Mae West (1893-1980) American actress

-453- Sweater (n.): clothing that the children wear when

the mother is in cold.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) American journalist

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-454- Communication with an engineer is only slightly more difficult than communication with the dead. Lorren Stiles American writer-pilot

-455- Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

Zsa Zsa Gabor (1917- ) Hungarian-American actress

-456- I only drink to make other people seem more interesting.

George Jean Nathan (1882-1958) American theater critic

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-457- There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats. Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965) German theologian, Nobel peace Prize 1952

-458- Andrew Lloyd Weber gave to music what Bombarder Harris gave to gardening.

Miles Kington (1941- ) British music critic

-459- Always listen to experts. They’ll tell you what can’t

be done, and why. Then do it. Robert A. Heinlein (1907-1988) American science fiction writer

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-460- You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it. Groucho Marx (1895-1977) American comedian

-461- Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

G.K. Chesterton (1874-1936) English novelist

-462- The only mystery about the cat is why it ever decided to become a domesticated animal.

Compton Mackenzie (1883-1972) Scottish novelist

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-463- The family is so ugly they keep the negatives in the photo album. Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) American actor, describing his son-in-law’s family

-464- It seems that 1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of

them. It’s my mother or my father. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think

it’s Colin.

Tim Vine (1967- ) English comedian

-465- When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up

reading. Henny Youngman (1906-1998) American comedian-violin player

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-466- When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety. Steven Wright (1955- ) American comedian

-467- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen (1894-1956) American comedian

-468- Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance.

George V (1865-1936) King of the UK

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-469- When in doubt, make a Western. John Ford (1895-1973) American movie director

-470- The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when

you bore people, they think it’s their fault.

Henry Kissinger (1923- ) US diplomat, Nobel Peace prize 1973

-471- Stew Heart is so old; when he was born, the Dead

Sea was still sick.

Jerry Lawer American comedian

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-472- Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, “Do I know you?” Steven Wright (1955- ) American comedian

-473- When you don’t know what to wear, wear red.

Bill Blass (1922-2002) American fashion designer

-474- When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked

me, “Did you sleep good?” I said “No, I made a few mistakes”.


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-475- The more snuff Frederick took, the more memoirs he wrote. He loved literature, but not enough to let it alone and stop trying to improve it. Will Cuppy (1884-1949) American humorist

-476- Acquaintance (n.): A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) American satirist

-477- A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.


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-478- Livy informs us that Hannibal split the huge Alpine Rocks with vinegar to break a path for the elephants. Vinegar was a high explosive in 218 bC, but not before or after. Will Cuppy (1884-1949) American humorist

-479- People always ask me, “Were you funny as a child?” Well, no, I was an accountant.

Ellen DeGeneres (1958- ) American comedienne

-480- Always be sincere, even if you don’t mean it.

Harry S. Truman (1884-1972) 33rd US President

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-481- Alone (adj.): In bad company. Ambrose Bierce (1842-1913) American satirist

-482- His absence is good company.

Scottish proverb

-483- I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house and she said: “Get the hell out of my property”.

Joan Rivers (1933- ) American comedienne

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-484- Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law. Mark Twain (1835-1910) American author

-485- Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that

people, who have the most, live longer.

Larry Lorenzoni American cleric

-486- You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day,

no matter how rich you are.

Adolphus Busch (1838-1913) German brewing company founder

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-487- Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy character on “The Muppet Show”

-488- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.


-489- I never drink anything stronger than gin before

breakfast.

W.C. Fields (1880-1946) American comedian

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-490- One of the advantages of Ireland as a place to live, is that a large number of exceptional people never visit it. Hector Hugh Munro (1870-1916) British writer

-491- Never marry for money. You’ll borrow it cheaper.

Scottish proverb

-492- The sun never sets on the British Empire because

Britain is in the east and the sun sets in the west.

Anonymous history student

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-493- Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. George Carlin (1937- ) American comedian

-494- Don’t imagine that because I’m a man of letters that I never tried to earn honestly by bread.


in literature 1925

-495- Never accept a drink from an urologist.


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-496- Nothing in fine print is ever good news. Andy Rooney (1920- ) American journalist

-497- Never lend your car to anyone you have given

birth.


-498- I always keep a supply of liquor handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.


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-499- I do not object when people look at their watches when I speak, but I have serious objections when they shake them to make sure they are working. Lord Birkett (1883-1962) British judge

-500- The clock talked loud. I threw it away, it scared me

what it talked.

Tillie Olsen (1913- ) American novelist

-501- Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Pierre de Beaumarchais (1732-1799) French dramatist

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-502- Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. Socrates (470-399 bC) Greek philosopher

-503- I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one - it wasn’t doing what I was doing.


-504- By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll

be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Socrates (470-399 bC) Greek philosopher

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-505- Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if I were your wife, I’d poison your tea. Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it. Winston Churchill (1874-1965) English statesman, Nobel prize in literature 1953

-506- I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a

husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes

home late at night.

Marie Corelli (1855-1924) English writer

-507- Harpo, she’s a wonderful person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.

Oscar Levant (1906-1972) American pianist, talking to Harpo

Marx after meeting his fiancée

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-508- This isn’t right, this isn't even wrong. Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958) Austrian-Swiss physicist, Nobel prize in physics 1945, upon reading a young physicist’s paper

-509- When I was in school the teachers told me practice

makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.


-510- All in all, I think the British actually hate food, otherwise they couldn’t possibly abuse it so badly.

Americans, on the other hand, love food but seldom care what it tastes like.

Bill Marsano American writer on food and wine

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-511- Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jules Renard (1864-1910) French writer

-512- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.


-513- I find television very educating. Every time

somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.


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-514- Television is bubble-gum for the eyes. Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959) American architect

-515- I have nothing to declare except my Genius.

Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish playwright-poet

-516- The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.

Dizzy Dean (1911-1974) American pitcher, after being hit on

the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series

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-517- A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing. Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) British writer

-518- There is only one way to find out if a man is honest...ask him. If he says “yes”, you know he is

crooked.


-519- I have discovered photography. Now I can kill

myself. I have nothing else to learn.


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-520- I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. Groucho Marx (1890-1977) American comedian

-521- Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start

drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.


-522- It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Scott Elledge American professor, on his retirement from

Cornell

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-523- I advise students on the subject of color as follows: “If it looks good enough to eat, use it”. Abe Ajay (1919-1998) American painter

-524- Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

Mickey Mouse cartoon character created by Walt Disney (1901-

1966)

-525- Inflation is the process which allows you to live in a more expensive neighborhood without the trouble of

moving.

A.W. Claussen American banker

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-526- You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Dean Martin (1917-1995) American actor

-527- A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Gloria Steinem (1934- ) American journalist

-528- Looking for fish? Don’t climb a tree.

Chinese proverb

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-529- What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from. T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) English poet, Nobel prize in literature 1948

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Index

A Adams, Douglas, 300-426-444

Allen, Fred, 345-467 Allen, Woody, 303-337-379-390-407-425

Anderson, Judith, 254 Andretti, Mario, 321

Aristotle, 84-152-181-195-198-219-230-253-269-293-295 Ajay, Abe, 523

B

Bach, Richard, 332 Bachelard, Gaston, 72

Bacon, Francis, 283-297 Beaumarchais, Pierre, 501

Benchley, Robert, 402 Berne, Eric, 107

Bierce, Ambrose, 366-422-453-476-481 Birkett, Lord, 499

Bismarck, von Otto, 109 Blass, Bill, 473

Bluestone, Ed, 395 Bohr, Niels, 14-108-306

Bombeck, Erma, 396-412-488-495 Bonaparte, Napoleon, 258

Bowen, Elizabeth, 87 Buddha, Gautama, 155-170-200-224-228-239-283

Brandt, Willy, 134 Braun, Wernher, 184 Breton, Andre, 351

Brown, Les, 210 Buffet, Waren, 110

Burke, Edmund, 9-227 Burroughs, William S., 36

Busch, Adolphus, 486

C Camus, Albert, 277 Carlyle, Thomas, 2 Carlin, George, 493 Cavett, Dick, 319 Chuang-Tzu, 59

188

Chesterton, G. K., 5-16-94-415-461

http://en.Mr-Wit.eu

Churchill, Winston, 3-69-72-505 Claussen, A. W., 525 Cochrane, Peter, 16

Colton, Charles Caleb, 164 Confucius, 8-232-236-243

Corelli, Marie, 506 Cummings, E. E., 83-182-220

Cuppy, Will, 371-411-438-475-478

D Dahlberg, Edward, 41

Dalai Lama, 45 Dali, Salvador, 378

Dangerfield, Rodney, 374-392-463 Davis, Miles, 73 Dean, Dizzy, 516

DeGeneres, Ellen, 479 Descartes, Rene, 262

Dickson, Paul, 359 Diogenes, Sinope, 234

Disney, Walt, 524 Disraeli, Benjamin, 32

Dobson, Austin, 233-292 Duchess, of Windsor, 436

Dr. Seuss, 413 Durant, Will, 120 Dyer, Wayne, 125

E

Eason, Jim, 318 Eban, Abba, 357

Einstein, Albert, 324 Eisenhower, Dwight D., 347

Eledge, Scott, 522 Eliot, George, 121

Eliot, T.S., 529 Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 50-91-180-221

Epictetus, 222 Epstein, Julius, 418 Escher, Maurits, 301

Evans, Edith, 377 F

189

Faulkner, William, 343

http://en.Mr-Wit.eu

Ferrier, David, 440 Fields, W. C., 350-394-489-498-521

Fontaine, Jean, 122 Ford, John, 469

France, Anatole, 362 Franklin, Benjamin, 60

Freud, Sigmund, 106-175 Frost, Robert, 410-443

G

Gabor, Zsa Zsa, 356-398-455 Gandhi, Mahatma, 29-56-145-213-257-434

Gauguin, Paul, 64 George, V, 468

Getty, J. Paul, 387 Gibran, Kahlil, 93

Gibson, William, 58 Giraudoux, Jean, 380 Gluckman, Max, 416

Goethe, Johan Wolfgang, 10-27-81-114-124-201-263-289 Goldwyn, Samuel, 383-450 Gourmont, Remy de, 352

Goya, Francisco, 245 Grizzard, Lewis, 317 Guitry, Sacha, 151

H

Hadas, Moses, 360 Heinlein, Robert, 459 Heinrich, Heine, 313

Hemingway, Ernest, 148-260 Hepburn, Katharine, 334

Heraclitus, 18-48-156-178-250-286 Herold, Don, 414

Hesse, Herman, 11-101-185 Hill, Napoleon, 214-238

Hightower, Jim, 433 Hoffer, Eric, 167-172

Horace, 339

Huxley, Aldous, 52-67-187 J

190

Jefferson, Thomas, 349

http://en.Mr-Wit.eu

Jerome, Jerome K., 403 Johnson, Samuel, 17-35-517

Jung, Carl Gustav, 157-235-247-348

K Keller, Helen, 189-211-231-294

Kennedy, Florynce, 328 Kettering, Charles, 143-335

King, Martin Luther Jr, 102-290 Kingston, Miles, 458

Kissinger, Henry, 85-470 Klee, Paul, 130

L

Lactantius, 280 L’Amour, Louis, 1 Landers, Ann, 163

Lao-Tzu, 74-146-199-216-273 Lappos, Nick, 21

Larson, Doug, 330 Lauer, Matt, 409 Lawer, Jerry, 471 Lennon, John, 19

Levant, Oscar, 507 Levenson, Sam, 326-448

Levine, Michael, 38 Lewis, Joe E., 397

Lewis, Wyndham, 310 Liebling, A. J., 70

Lincoln, Abraham, 325 Lippmann, Walter, 237

Little, Mary, 449 Locke, John, 261

Longworth Roosevelt, Alice, 315 Loren, Sophia, 417

Lorenzoni, Larry, 171-485 Lowell, Abbott Lawrence, 376

M

MacInnes, Helen, 123 Mackenzie, Compton, 462

Marquis, Don, 62-77 Marsano, Bill, 510

191

Martin, Dean, 526

http://en.Mr-Wit.eu

Marx, Chico, 427 Marx, Groucho, 312-361-386-406-431-460-513-518-520

Marx, Karl, 105 Matisse, Henry, 117 Mencken, H. L., 375

Michelangelo, 4 Miller, Henry, 179

Mimran, Patrick, 115 Montaigne, Michel de, 268 Morgan, Augustus de, 428

Morrison, Jim, 127 Mumford, Ethel Watts, 229 Munro, Hector Hugh, 490

N

Nana, 54 Nathan, George Jean, 456

Nin, Anais, 78-226 Niven, Laurence van Cott, 265

O

O’Malley, Austin, 311 O’Connor, Flannery, 305

O’Keeffe, Georgia, 129-446 Olsen, Tillie, 500

O’Rourke, P. J., 333

P Proverb, Haitian, 401 Proverb, African, 149 Proverb, Guanese, 25

Proverb, Zen, 97-249-256 Proverb, Tibet, 100

Proverb, Japanese, 76-205-242 Proverb, Spanish, 423 Proverb, Italian, 251

Proverb, Chinese, 43-66-92-166-204-209-223-528 Proverb, Dutch Antilles, 215 Proverb, Russian, 80-405

Proverb, Scottish, 482-491 Pasternak, Boris, 103

Patton, George S., 22-49-346 Pauli, Wolfgang, 508

192

Picasso, Pablo, 13-20-57-135-519

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Piggy, Miss, 487 Plato, 141-218-252-271

Poe, Edgar Allan, 96 Popper, Karl, 142-144-193-225

Q

Quayle, J. Danforth, 322

R Rabelais, François, 39-98-382

Rao, P. V. Narasimha, 358 Reade, Charles, 111

Renard, Jules, 113-331-388-511 Rivers, Joan, 404-483

Robbins, Tom, 75 Robin, Williams, 437

Rochefoucauld, François, 7-133-203-244-266-281 Rockefeller, John, 88 Rohn, Jim, 207-288

Rogers, Will, 320-329 Rooney, Andy, 496

Rosenberg, Joel, 355 Rossini, Gioacchino, 307 Russell, Bertrand, 53-192

S

Saint-Exupery, Antoine de, 34-139-240-244-258 Santayana, George, 278-285 Sartre, Jean-Paul, 136-173

Schopenhauer, Arthur, 116-147 Schulz, Charles, 424-445 Schweitzer, Albert, 457

Seneca (the elder), 55-194-241-291 Shaw, George Bernard, 40-61-89-90-99-246-430-494

Simpson, Homer, 408 Smith, Sydney, 270

Socrates, 162-188-502-504 Spock, Benjamin, 451 Steinem, Gloria, 527 Stevens, Wallace, 12 Stiles, Lorren, 454

T

193

Tagore, Rabindranath, 131

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Τeresa, Mother, 140 Thoreau, Henry David, 255

Tolstoy, Leo, 158 Truman, Harry S., 342-480 Twain, Mark, 26-304-484

V

Van Gogh, Vincent, 95-132 Varese, Edgard, 150

Vidal, Gore, 336 Vinci, Leonardo da, 37-119-138

Vine, Tim, 363-369-464 Virgil, 206

Vivekananda, Swami, 86-112 Voltaire, 42-207-279

W

Waterson, Bill, 327-389-400-435 Wattles, Wallace, 264-300

Watts, Alan, 90 Weedn, Flavia, 71 West, Mae, 452

Whistler, James McNeil, 323 Wilcox, Ella Wheeler, 15

Wilde, Oscar, 104-391-515 Wilson, Edmund, 275

Wittgenstein, Ludwig, 22-128-154-183-190-196-217-272-275-284-296-298

Wright, Frank Lloyd, 514 Wright, Orville, 267

Wright, Steven, 308-368-370-393-466-472-474-477-503-509-512

Y

Youngman, Henny, 365-429-465

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