The 5 F#@% Steps to Discover

Your Childhood Wounds

This exercise will look at your past and refreshmemories of your caretakers and influential people.

Part 2 Towards Mindful Relationship

A mention...A video accompanying this exercise is available at:

http://i.talkezy.com/childwounds

A mention...• This will take about 45-60 minutes if doing it with your partner.

• There is NO wrong way of doing this exercise! Every individual has different insights and experiences.

• Step 2 will be a guided meditation.

• Have your partner read this mediation (or look down at the slides from time to time).

• This exercise will take you back to the past. It may be draining or cause you to feel sad.

Step 1• Stretch out your body, get it loose.

• Sit down in a comfortable place: chair, couch, bed with comfy pillows.

• Breathe in all the way into your stomach and belly 10 times.

• Try not to cross your legs or arms.(when we do so, we are in a defensive position)

Step 2• Read each statement with ~30 second pauses.

• Close your eyes and think back to your childhood home.

• Imagine yourself very young, being there.

• Try to see things through your young self.

• Wonder around the house and find the people who influenced you deeply as a child.

...continues

Step 2 … continued• As you see the people around the house, you see them in a new

perspective.

• Stop and visit with each one.

• Note their positive and negative energy.

• Tell them what you enjoyed about being with them.

...continues

Step 2 … continued• Share what you wanted from them but never got.

• Don’t hesitate to share your anger, frustration, hurt or sad feelings.

• In your fantasy, these people are grateful for your insights.

Now slowly come out of this exercise, be gentle with yourself.

Step 3• Now take a sheet of paper and make it look like the

example on the left.

• Top half, with the “B”, list all the positive traits of your mother, father, and any other people who influenced you strongly when you were young. No need to group them to an individual.

• Try not to think of them as they are today but what they were like in your childhood.

• Use adjectives or phrases like “kind,” “warm,” “always there,” “reliable,” etc.

B

A

Step 3 … continued

• Now that you’ve listed the positive traits, on bottom half, with the “A”, list all the negative traits.

• If you’re having a hard time with words, the next slide has suggested ones.

B

A

kindwarm

reliable

always there

Step 3 … trait listaccessible

honest

cautious

afraid

attentive

loving

supportive

closed

safe

fair

arrogant

inflexible

enthusiastic

righteous

crafty

objective

loyal

tolerant

uninterested

sensitive

amiable

boring

beneficent

harsh

fragile

jealous

brash

courageous

creative

wounding

insensitive

attacking

spiritual

dependable

stingy

frank

inviting

connected

open

exact

intrusive

cold

impatient

wise

mature

agreeable

blatant

caring

sneaky

sincere

giving

shallow

alert

rough

flexible

playful

critical

thrifty

firm

dishonest

shy

tense

immature

spontaneous

kind

bold

virtuous

grateful

respectful

assured

brutal

silly

tender

humble

available

confident

annoyed

arrogant

warm

stable

dangerous

tactful

gentle

reliable

inappropriate

depressed

unforgiving

open-minded

persuasive

trusting

altruistic

precise

polite

soothing

brave

grumpy

Step 4• Underline 3 best positive traits

• Circle 3 worst negative traits

• Next, to “C”. Complete this sentence: “What I wanted most as a child but didn’t get was…”

• Next, to “D”. Complete this sentence: “As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again…”

B

A

kindwarm

reliable

always there

controlling

yellingangryshaming

creativelogical

tense

exact

C

D

What I wanted most as a child but didn’t get was…

As a child, I had these negative feelings over and over again:

Step 5• If you want some insight into what you just did, you created your

“Partner Image.”

• The negative and positive traits can be found in you and/or your partner. Review the list again. Can you see how your unmet needs are sometimes seen in your partner?

• And now you’re done! You and your partner should continue referring to your Partner Image to heal, to better understand each other and to make your relationship amazing!

Resources

• A great deal of our information comes from our therapists and from: Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. New York: H. Holt And, 2008. Print.

• Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition (above is affiliate link to Amazon, thank you for support us)

• You can find more resources on our website:www.talkezy.com