Technical English:Fewer is better!

John MorrisFaculty of Engineering,Mahasarakham University

Computer Science/Electrical and Computer Engineering,The University of Auckland

Iolanthe II leaves the Hauraki Gulf under full sail –Auckland-Tauranga Race, 2007

REDUNDANCY Something to avoid

Remember our Goalfrom the first workshop

• Your goal is communication– Concise– Precise– Efficient

• You are not writing– a novel– a literary masterpiece– haiku (日本话十七音节诗）– 成语 17 syllables

4 syllables!

We’ve already seen a few examples of cases where words or phrases can be removed as

unnecessary orredundant

Here we’ll look at some more ..

English is not your first language?• Possibly an advantage!!• You can write a perfectly good scientific paper using

the grammar you learnt in your first few English lessons!

• Avoid redundant expressions• They just provide more opportunities to make mistakes!• If it’s not essential, leave it out!• Don’t pad out your paper with anything not really needed• Again, readers, reviewers and editors will appreciate your

concise style• They only want to read enough to understand your work!

This example from the first workshop ..• Most taken from real papers ….Relatively early, some scholars made researches on motion estimation .. [13,25,26] Some scholars studied motion estimation …[13,25,26]

• I removed ‘relatively early’ : it doesn’t add much .. • It’s rarely necessary to mention when previous work

was published ..• Past tense ‘studied’ says enough!• Your reader can find the date in the reference list• Remove irrelevant detail to keep things short!!

References to the past• It is usually sufficient that work was published at some time in

the past but it’s rarely important exactly when!• So all expressions like

In 2001, …Some decades ago ..For several years, ..

can usually be safely left out ..• Such sentences will usually have a past tense verb and

reference(s) at the end!• Even extremely old work will often have been written by

someone extremely well known ..

References to the past• Even extremely old work will often have been written by

someone extremely well known ..In the 17th century, Newton established that apples fall …

• Almost everyone knows who Newton is and roughly when he published his famous works, so, although you might want to emphasize that the work is old, just

Newton established that apples fall …is probably enough!

References to the future• Look at

our approach will be further investigated in the future• Several redundancies here

• will• further• in the future

• We definitely don’t need all of them!We will investigate this approach further

is probably enough!• I retained ‘further’ because it does imply a little more than

simple future but if you’re pressed for space, you could write ‘extend’

We plan to extend this work

Specific verbs• In the direct active style, the key word will be a verb• There are many verbs, commonly used in scientific work,

that have very specific meaningseg classify means to put into classes or assign labels to ..

soWe classified objects into groups with size <5mm, size 5mm and less than 10mm and size 10mm or larger

can be writtenWe classified objects as <5mm, 5mm and less than 10mm, 10mm or larger

• ‘groups’ is redundant: write ‘classified as’ instead of ‘classified into groups’

• ‘size’ disappeared also, because specifying the actual size makes it redundant and unnecessary!

Duplication• Only use two words or phrases that mean the same thing when

you want to emphasize something very strongly• Objectivity – a basic principle of good technical writing –

suggests that you should • simply present the facts and • an unbiased assessment of them

• Thus emphasis by repetition should not be necessary• Facts should support your argument by themselves

• ThusAlthough the laboratory work can be carried out prior to the field work commencement, …

can be writtenAlthough the laboratory work can be carried out prior to the field work, …

• ‘prior’ and ‘commencement’ imply the same thing – only one is needed

Duplication• Another example

A dynamic cone penetrometer is one of the most frequently used devices employed for determination of in-situ engineering properties.

can be writtenA dynamic cone penetrometer (DCP) is frequently used to determine in-situ engineering properties.

• ‘used’ and ‘employed’ imply the same thing – only one is needed• ‘one of the most’ does not add anything significant to ‘frequently’

– so it was removed also– Using ‘most’ also goes against the advice to avoid superlatives– Qualifying ‘most’ by ‘one of the ..’ might make it ‘safe’ but also

leads to a vaguer statement, just remove it!• Note the direct active style again

– Use the verb determine rather than the noun determination

Duplication• Don’t add obvious qualifications

measured data Is just

data• It will generally be obvious from the context whether it was

measured or collected!• An obvious object

Raw material was selected from twelve sources of highway construction sites

to Raw material was taken from twelve highway construction sites

• You must take something from a source!• Note use of the simpler word ‘taken’ instead of ‘selected’

• In this case, the selection criteria were not stated so there is no reason for the longer word!

Duplication• Don’t duplicate• A table heading

Locations and areas of material sourcesIs just

Locations of material sources• Although the table contained separate columns for specific

location and general area, locations is sufficient – it covers both!

• I might further reduce this toSample sites

• Good captions are short and explicit

Duplication• Don’t say the same thing twice!

in the range between 1.6-2.0 t/m3 approximatelyshould be

in the range 1.6-2.0 t/m3

• You’ve already specified a range, so approximately is redundant

• Note that between is not needed• Formally ‘range’ and ‘1.6 to 2.0 t/m3’ are ‘noun phrases in

apposition’ and don’t require the preposition• However this course aims to avoid the technicalities of English

grammar as much as possible, • so just remember this phrase – it’s very common in scientific

work!

Duplication• Don’t use the same word twice!

X and Y were used to classify the soil based on AASHTO soil classification system

can be reduced toX and Y were used to classify the soil in accord with the AASHTO system

• Here, AASHTO is an acronym for the standards authority, so ‘system’ is more than adequate

• In fact, you might turn this into active formWe classified the soil in accord with the AASHTO rules using X and Y

• Replacing ‘used to classify’ with the simpler ‘classified’

More examples ..

• Most taken from real papers ….XYZ helps to reduce the number of ...

XYZ reduces the number of …

• Don’t be vague!• It either reduces or it doesn’t .. • ‘helps to’ is only appropriate if there is another factor …• If there is – just write ..

XYZ and PQR reduce the number of …ie be explicit!

More examples ..

pursues the goal of minimising to

tries to minimize • Here ‘the goal’ is not necessary .. • In this context, the only thing you pursue is a

goal!• But ‘tries’ combined with a verb (direct active style!)

says the same thing in fewer and simpler words

More examples ..

After completion of cooking, …to

After cooking, … • ‘after’ implies ‘completion’ • Unless you need to emphasize that cooking is

complete, ie partly cooked items could be transferred to the next step!

More examples ..

• Taken from real papers …... four-way parallel searches are employed using ....

.. a four-fold parallel search used …

• Verb is ‘used’• ‘four-fold’ (= four times) is better than ‘four-way’ , but

‘four-way’ is acceptable

Score:6 words 5 words (16% less!)

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