Susan Abel Lieberman, Ph.D.

Partner in the Y Collaborative

www.ycollaborative.com

Before a crisis Loss and grief

“Hanging on the edge of a precipice,

engulfed in terror is not the time or place

to learn about emergency rock climbing

procedures; you have to learn

them before you start the expedition.”

~Virginia Morris in TALKING ABOUT DEATH

“Laying down synaptic pathways early shapes our thinking and helps us when we face circumstances that draw on those pathways. It would turn

out that short-term memory involves transient changes of the connections between the cells. There is no anatomical change. Long-term memory

involves enduring changes that result from the growth of new synaptic connections.”

~ Eric Kandel NYT 3/6/12

• Paperwork of Dying

• Medical Issues Related to Dying

• Emotions/Desires/Wishes

• Spiritual Issues

• How to Talk with Doctors

• WillWill

• Advance DirectiveAdvance Directive

•Health Care ProxyHealth Care Proxy

• Fioancial ProxyFioancial Proxy

• Funeral InclinationsFuneral Inclinations

• And, perhaps, a supplemental letterAnd, perhaps, a supplemental letter

“Everybody becomes enormously selfish. They don’t know they are selfish. They are all thinking they’re doing what’s best

for the dying person. But what each member of a family does and what the doctor does is always try to figure out

what seems the best from his own point of view.”

~ Sherwin Nuland, How We Die

Five Ways to Start a Conversation

1. Using your paperwork

2. Asking for conversation as a gift

3. Telling a story about friends or acquaintances

4. Using family legacy as a jumpstart

5. Five Wishes

• We remember the old saying: Si vis pacem, para bellum. If you desire peace, prepare for war.

• It would timely thus to paraphrase it: Si vis vitam, para mortem. If you would endure life, be prepared for death.

• If you deceive to your doctor, may your doctor then deceive you?

• Be clear in the conversation about what worries you.

• Remember, no good doc will object to a second opinion. If your doctor objects to questions, consider a new doctor if possible.

• You can direct the tenor of your conversations by speaking authentically but always politely.

Spiritual intelligence is acting with our

highest level of intellect and our highest

level of compassion while maintaining

inner and outer equanimity regardless

of circumstances.~

Cindy Wigglesworth, Deep Change

www.ycollaborative.com