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Perfect Day

Smashwords edition, June 2012

Copyright (c) 2012 Josh Lanyon

Coer !rt "y #$ Smith

Coer photo %icensed through Shutterstoc&

!%% rights resered

'o part of this "oo& may "e reproduced or transmitted in any form or "y any means,

e%ectronic or mechanica%, inc%uding photocopying, recording, or "y any informationstorage and retriea% system, without written permission from Just Joshin Pu"%ications

S$'* +-.1.+/+0+.10.+Printed in the nited States of !merica

Just Joshin Pu"%ications/0/ ancho $%d3

Suite 114

Pa%mda%e, C! +/1www.joshlanyon.com

5his is a wor& of fiction3 !ny resem"%ance to persons %iing or dead is entire%ycoincidenta%3

http://www.joshlanyon.com/http://www.joshlanyon.com/

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Acknowledgements

Sincerest than&s toJanet and Ju%ia3 won6t say that cou%dn6t do it without you, "ut itwou%d certain%y "e a more painfu% and ine%egant process3

5han& you a%so to my editor Judith Daid 7 and to !ndrea and Susan for the ei%, er,

eag%e eye3

5he story 8Perfect Day9 was %oose%y inspired "y the essay 85he Sting9 "y Susan Choi3

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A"out %ast night,9 "egan aw&ward%y3

:raham handed me the red p%astic coffee cup3 Steam rose from the fragrant %i;uid3

8

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$ecause 6d &nown een "efore the words finished spi%%ing out, een "efore

:raham sti%%ed, that 6d done it3 Arec&ed eerything3

>e6d a%ready "een dropping %itt%e c%ues that things were may"e getting too

intense3 etreating3 S%ow%y3 !%most impercepti"%y3 Sand whispering through my fingers

and the harder he%d, the faster it s%ipped away3

&new it3Knew had to pu%% "ac&, p%ay it coo%, gie him space3 i, 6m Ayatt,9 6d introduced myse%f3 !nd then, ?o&ing%y, 8Do you come here

oftenG9

>is eyes, coo% as star%ight, had %it3 >e smi%ed3 'o, it was a grin3 >e &new was

ma&ing fun of myse%f and the situation, and he found it funny too3 y heart s&ipped a

"eat3

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!fter the museum we6d gone out for coffee and dessert3 8Ahat do you doG9 he6d

as&ed oer the cheeseca&e3

8 teach39

>is eyes f%ic&ered3 8Ahat do you teachG9

8>igh schoo%3 Science3 >ea%th3 >ea%th and science39

>e nodded3

said, 8 teach se@ education to ninth graders39

>e met my gaFe and started to %augh3 %aughed too3

Ae6d ended up at :raham6s3

>e a%so %ied in Eugene and may"e that wasn6t fate, "ut it sure was conenient3

5he house was in the hi%%s, shrouded "y trees3 nside it was ery ;uiet3 Hery neat3 5he

f%oors were wood, the app%iances stain%ess stee%, the counters granite3 $ut the main feature

was natura% %ight3 Aindows3 5he "ac& of the house was a wa%% of windows and there were

s&y%ights in seera% rooms3 5he stars g%ittered and g%owed a%% around us when we wa%&ed

in that night3

$etter not to %et myse%f thin& a"out that night now3 5he tentatieness, the

uncertainty, the aw&wardness that had reso%ed une@pected%y in easy smi%es and hugs3

Ae were "oth co%d so"er so 6m not sure how we managed so ;uic&%y to shed that

easiness, that friend%iness for something hot and hungry and c%ose to frenFied3

Ae6d done it s%ammed up against the wa%% of windows that %oo&ed out oer the

moon%it treetops and the %ights in the a%%ey "e%ow3 'a&ed, noisy, nasty3

!fterward it was refreshing%y easy and friend%y again, and :raham had inited me

to spend the night3 Sometimes you ?ust &now it6s right3 Sometimes eerything c%ic&s3

5hat6s how it was for me3 6d imagined it was the same for :raham3 >ow was to &nowG

n the morning we6d done it again 7 %eisure%y, affectionate%y 7 there in his

Egyptian cotton sheets, "athed in the dapp%ed sun%ight from the s&y%ight3 !fterward we6d

showered together and he6d put together "rea&fast for two out of the odds and ends in his

fridge* a truff%e, three eggs, a co%d "oi%ed potato, a piece of smo&ed chic&en3 ! mea% that

wou%d do the so%dier in 8Stone Soup9 7 or a suria%ist 7 proud3

5oday6s "rea&fast was instant oatmea% mi@ed with peaches, and the sight of it

made my stomach do an unp%easant f%ip3

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8Pass39

8e wasn6t %oo&ing at me as he said, 8'ah3 >eat of the moment3 &now39

>e was giing me an out3 :iing me a chance to sae my pride and may"e een

sa%age something of our friendship3

a%most too& it3 wanted to ta&e it3 $ut didn6t on%y want to "e friends with

:raham, and somehow to pretend that hadn6t meant it, that didn6t %oe him, seemed

wrong3 cou%dn6t see %ying a"out it3 !nyway, he &new the truth3 !nd we "oth &new that

&new he &new3 So in the end it wou%dn6t change anything3 t wou%d on%y proe hadn6t

had the guts to say it in the co%d %ight of day3

5hey6re not easy words to say at any time3 'ot when you &now you6re on your

own3

So put down my coffee cup and said, 8'o3 meant it3 mean, true, wou%dn6t

hae said it if it hadn6t "een the heat of the moment39 smi%ed3 :raham did not smi%e

"ac&3 8 &now you don6t fee% the same way3 $ut %oe you39

>e %oo&edB 6m not sure how to descri"e it3 Stric&enG :ui%ty may"e3 Definite%y

unhappy3

8Ayatt39

5hat was it3 y name3 t had a regretfu% fina%ity to it3 Stop3 5hat6s what he meant3

Stop, Wyatt. Dont say it. Its no use. Theres no point3

8t doesn6t seem %i&e something to fa&e39

8'o39 :raham stared down at his own cup3 >e said fina%%y, s%ow%y, 85han& you3 .

6mB %i&e "eing with you, Ayatt3 care a"out you3 $ut don6t fee% %i&e you do3 t6s too

soon for me39

85hree years39 5hree years since Jase had died3 wasn6t arguing, ?ustBthree

years3

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:raham6s gray gaFe he%d mine stern%y3 8 don6t &now if tenyears wi%% "e enough3

sti%% miss him3 Eery day3 Eery sing%e goddamned day want him "ac&39

ad "een prepared for me to try and ma&e my case3

Ae%%, cue Sam >arris3I cant make you loe me i! you wont. neer had someone to %oe

or %oe me %i&e :raham had Jase, "ut that much did &now3

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wee&ends, "ut cou%d see it "rought :raham up short3 $ro&e whateer p%easant spe%% had

sett%ed oer him oer the past two months3

>e6d said po%ite%y, ague%y, 8ay"e3 might hae to wor&3 6%% gie you a ca%%39

t turned out he did hae to wor& that wee&end3 6d said that was too "ad and 6d

go with friends3 !nd did3 !nd as much as 6d missed :raham, 6d had the "rains not to

ca%% him, to %eae the ne@t moe to him3 5o my re%ief he had ca%%ed %ater in the wee& and

we6d made p%ans for the fo%%owing wee&end3

$ut it had neer ;uite "een the same3 >e6d "egun pushing me "ac&3 n %itt%e ways3

>e was neer un&ind, "ut he didn6t ca%% as often, didn6t hae as much time to see me3 >e

was "usy3 Ae "oth were3 $ut &new3 5he easy instant harmony we6d &nown from the

first had faded3 Ae sti%% got a%ong, sti%% had p%enty to ta%& a"out when we did get together,

"ut it fe%t a %itt%e off3 cou%d fee% myse%f trying too hard to recapture what we6d had, and

the harder tried, the further :raham withdrew3

!nd had neer rea%%y understood why3 &new it had to do with my assumption

that we were going to "e seeing more of each other3 $ut how was that a wrong

assumptionG

'o, may"e it was more to do with ma&ing p%ans3 a&ing p%ans together3

didn6t &now3 wou%d neer &nowI that was the truth3

t had "een good for those two months3 5hat was what made it hard3 t had fe%t

right3 had "een so sure that :raham was going to "e the guy fe%% in %oe with3 Ae%%, he

was3 5he part got wrong was thin&ing :raham was going to fee% the same way3

! honey "ee Foomed in for a c%oser %oo&3 waed it away3

8

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e6d run a mi%e3

:raham must hae "een thin&ing a%ong the same %ines3 >e said, 8!m going to

see you againG9

5hat he put it in the form of a ;uestion surprised me, though tried not to %et my

surprise show3 8

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! c%ean "rea& wou%d "e "est3

$ut the thought of not seeing him anymoreB 'eer hearing his oice, his %augh3

'eer ho%ding him again3 'eer "eing he%d "y him again3

wasn6t ready to face it yet3 Cou%dn6t3

5he go%denrod had gien way and we were hi&ing through a meadow waist.high

in "%ac&.eyed susan and ?erusa%em sunf%owers3

'o more %oo&ing forward to =riday nights 7 een with the worry that he might

cance%, een with the worry that eery date might "e the %ast, the sin&ing awareness that

we weren6t growing c%oser3

>e had a high.powered te%escope on the dec& of the house and sometimes we

watched for shooting stars through it3

%oed the te%escope3 t reminded me of the night we6d met3 Later, rea%iFed the

te%escope had "e%onged to Jase3

remem"er once said to :raham, 8Did you &now you can "uy a starG Ae%%, hae

one named for that specia% someone anyway3 t6s a"out twenty "uc&s3 e was gent%e and inentie in "ed3 Passionate, yes, "ut the on%y time he6d eer

%ost contro% had "een that first night3 5hat was fine "y me3 Ahen you spend your day with

hormone.infused ado%escents, you don6t mind a %itt%e restraint3 :raham was may"e the

gent%est guy 6d "een with, which hadn6t e@pected gien what an outdoorsman he was3

'ot e@act%y strong and si%ent, "utB%aconic3 esered3

'ot rea%%y my type, wou%d hae said3 $efore met him3 $efore fe%% in %oe3

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t6s not %i&e had gone %oo&ing for this, wanted this, had opted for the pay.per.

iew gay soap opera with angst in hi def3 !%% 6d wanted was an ordinary re%ationship

with a nice guy3 ! guy cou%d share my %ife with3 5he good times3 5he "ad times3 ay"e

een share my mortgage with3 ! guy who cou%d get a%ong with my friends 7 a guy who

had his own friends3 ay"e een a guy cou%d ta&e home for the ho%idays3 don6t &now3

Ahateer had "een thin&ing, the p%easant fantasy was so far remoed from the i"rant

and painfu% rea%ity of :raham3

!nd now that had :raham 7 or didn6t hae him 7 a%% those soft.focus dreams

fe%t %i&e someone e%se6s memories3 5he rea%iFation that :raham was not going to "e part

of my future, was a%ready on his way out of my %ife, hurt so much it was hard to thin&

past it3

5he ery thought of his soft s%eepy mouth finding mine in the %am"ent %ight of

morning made me want to drop my pac& and crouch down, hugging myse%f against what

fe%t %i&e a "ody "%ow3 ! morta% "%ow3

>ow did peop%e get oer thisG

5hey o"ious%y did3 Eery day someone fe%% in %oe with the wrong person and

had to pac& up a%% their fragi%e, misguided hopes and unwanted affection, and moe on to

the ne@t picnic ta"%e3

>ow many times had had to gent%y 7 and not a%ways so gent%y 7 redirect

someone6s interest from meG

Pay"ac& was a "itch3

'ah, no dramatics3 >earts got "ro&en eery day3 'o"ody died from that3 $ut it

did &ind of fade the sun%ight and drain the co%or from the days3

!nd the nightsBthe nights wou%d fee% too %ong to %ie through3

5he thought of those nights actua%%y had me drawing a sudden sharp "reath3

:raham %oo&ed "ac& at me3

gae him a thum" up3 ay"e a %itt%e too igorous%y3

>e turned hasti%y forward again3

turned inward3 Sure, for a time the nights wou%d "e "ad3 $ut then 6d get oer

this and moe on and may"e fina%%y find someone who appreciated me for "eing me, who

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didn6t wish eery minute we were together that was "roader and "%onder and rode a "i&e

and %istened to $onnie aitt and %oed to camp as much as :raham3

5he thought shou%d hae comforted me, "ut it didn6t3 t hurt worse3 ade my

heart fee% shrun&en and %ost, a pe""%e "ouncing and c%ac&ing its way down a deep, empty

potho%e3

Ahy did it hae to "e :rahamG Ahy cou%dn6t it hae "een a nice norma% ordinary

guy who was as tired as me of the c%u"s and the earnest, organiFed efforts of socia%

networ&s and of fuc&ing aroundG Ahy did it hae to "e :raham with his perfect house in

the hi%%s and his tragica%%y dead sou% mateG

Serious%y3

!nd why had fuc&ing :raham had to drag me into itG

Ahy cou%dn6t he hae &ept his cripp%ed heart safe at home in his house of many

windowsG Ahy pretend to "e open to moing on, to fa%%ing in %oe again when he was

sti%% mourning his ghostG Sti%% grieing at the shrine3

t wasn6t fair3 t wasn6t right3

r was it simp%y that :raham was ready "ut wasn6t the right guyG e offered me a swig, which

was sure%y a peacea"%e gesture seeing that had my own3 $ut too& his and ti%ted my

head "ac&3 5he water was warm and sweet3

8

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too& a deep "reath3 85he thing is, you6re right39

>is eyes narrowed3 8!m G !"outG9

8'ot a"out wasting my time, "ecause don6t thin& "eing with you was a waste of

time3 %i&ed spending time with you3 en?oy your company3 !nd wou%d %i&e to "e

friends with you one of these days3 $ut39

managed a contro%%ed stop rather than %oo&ing %i&e cou%dn6t go on, "ut it was

c%ose3

8$utG9 he as&ed when didn6t continue3

8$ut it pro"a"%y wou%d "e a good idea if didn6t see you for a whi%e39

>is f%uctuating e@pression was a study of emotions3 t %oo&ed %i&e eerything from

anger to re%ief f%ic&ed past whi%e he a"sor"ed my words3

8f that6s what you want39

guess my emotiona% e;ui%i"rium was sti%% off "ecause something dangerous

surged inside me3I! thats what I want( 'ou know )oddamned well what I want&eason

preai%ed 7 on :raham6s end too3 $efore swa%%owed the heated words, he said, 8Sure,

Ayatt3 f course39

>e sounded su"dued3 >e gae great attention to screwing the cap on his canteen3

8t6s ?ustB9

c%osed my eyes3Dont say it.

86m going to miss you39

opened my eyes3 86m going to miss you too39 waited for him to turn3 Ahen he

didn6t, wa%&ed past him3

=or a %ong time neither of us said anything e%se3 5he on%y sounds were the een

thud of our "oots on the crum"%y soi%, the hum of po%%en.drun& "ees, the faraway "oom of

thunder3 5he c%ouds were ro%%ing in, the temperature dropping, "ut we were sti%% we%%

ahead of the storm3 Ae6d "e "ac& at the car "efore the rain started3

8t doesn6t fee% %i&e three years,9 :raham said sudden%y from "ehind me3 8Since

Jase39

8'o3 guess not39

8ther times it fee%s %i&e he6s "een gone foreer3 Li&e it a%% happened to someone

e%se3 Li&e our %ife happened to someone e%se39

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86m sorry39 'ot the first time 6d said it, "ut what e%se was there to sayG thought

understood a"out as we%% as anyone on the outside cou%d3

8e added honest%y, 8ore often %ate%y3 thin& that6s "ecause of you39

t meant a %ot to hear it3 85hat6s the nicest thing you6e eer said to me39

Ae stared at each other3

8t6s true39 :raham6s gaFe shifted to the mountains, his tone changed3 8ay"e if

the fuc&ing &i%%er had eer "een caught3339

Killer(ay"e not in the eyes of the %aw, "ut didn6t it amount to the same thingG

t did for :raham3

8f there had "een some ?ustice3 Something3 SomeBc%osure39

>ow many times cou%d you say you were sorryG shoo& my head3

8t didn6t hae to happen3 tshouldnt hae happened3 >e shou%dn6t haeBended

%i&e that3 t6s so goddamn fuc&ing point%ess39 :raham6s face twisted and then,

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shoc&ing%y, he was crying3 >is face screwed up, turned ug%y as he fought it3 $ut a so"

tore out of him3 ! winded, "ro&en sound3 !nd then another3

y own eyes stung3 cou%dn6t "ear for him to hurt so much3 wanted to put my

arms around him, protect him3 didn6t thin& he6d we%come it, so didn6t moe3

Ahy did we a%% crae %oe so "ad%y when ha%f the time it %eft us annihi%atedG

:raham cho&ed out, 8 thin& of him %ying there3 'ot a mi%e from the house3 was

home. cou%d haeB9

>e6d neer ta%&ed a"out it "efore3 'ot to me3 'ot rea%%y3 &new the "are facts3 6d

got most of them off the nternet3 Jason Edward #ane, /-, a professor of astronomy at the

niersity of regon had "een &i%%ed whi%e out "i&ing one ear%y Saturday morning3 t

was a hit.and.run accident3 5he drier was neer caught3

&new more a"out Jase6s death than &new a"out his %ife3

>aing "een in that ;uiet, peacefu% house on a Saturday morningB"een there

with the satiny %ight fi%tering through the trees and pouring through a%% those spar&%ing

windows, the songs of "irds outside, the sme%% of coffee "rewing3 5he perfect start to

another perfect day3 ! fa%se start, as it turned out3 ! fau%ty reading on the "arometer

"ecause despite indicators reading a%% "eing right with the wor%d, in fact the wor%d was

seconds from "eing roc&ed off its a@is "y an asteroid3

>ard to not fee% "etrayed "y the ery cosmos3 >ard to eer "e%iee again in a

"eneficent fate3

!nother so" ripped from :raham3 >e sounded %i&e someone too& a &nife to his

chest and cared the sound out3 8f you6d &nown himB9

hugged him3

*ast time, thought3 +ne last time3 !nd he%d him tighter3 =or an instant he

hugged me "ac&3 >e%d me %i&e was a drifting spar and he was a shipwrec&ed sai%or %ost

on the dar& and ro%%ing sea3 n this ast go%den wind"%own empty ocean where we stood

together 7 and a%one3 5hen he freed himse%f, em"arrassed, of course, and angry with

himse%f for "rea&ing down 7 and with me for witnessing it3

86m sorry,9 said3 8 wish had the power to "ring him "ac& to you39

>e drew another shuddering "reath and then fe%% si%ent, his e@pressionBodd3

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Ae stared at each other3 5he moment stretched3 =or the space of a coup%e of

heart"eats it fe%t %i&e we were on the erge of some ree%ation3

fe%t a "urning sensation near my inner e%"ow3 ?umped, %oo&ed down and saw a

honey "ee stinging me for a%% she was worth3 s%apped my arm3 8Damn3 t stung me39

>ow the he%% cou%d something so %itt%e pac& such a wa%%opG t was %i&e it had

punched a "urning cigarette into my s&in3

8s the stinger sti%% inG9

8s itG can6t te%%39

Ae "oth peered at my tanned forearm3 5here was a red patch a"out the siFe of a

;uarter near my e%"ow3 :raham shoo& his head3 8'o3 Litt%e "astard %ies to fight again39

>e a"sent%y wiped at his wet eyes3

8:ood news for the co%%apsing "ee co%onies39

>e grinned3 8

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shoc&3 e popped it open to reea% a neat%y stoc&ed interior3 r at %east neat%y stoc&ed

unti% he "egan rif%ing through it3 8>ae you "een stung "eforeG9

8 thin& so3 6m pretty sure3 ere thought the day cou%dn6t

get any "etter39

8AhenG9

+h !uck.Aas it getting harder to swa%%owG >arder to "reatheG r was that simp%e

fear c%osing my throat, shutting off my airwaysG y heart pounded a%% the faster in fright3

Ahat wou%d happen ne@tG Aou%d stop "reathingG Aou%d %ose consciousnessG Aou%d

dieG rea%iFed :raham had as&ed me something3 6d forgotten the ;uestion3 8AhatG9

8Ayatt, when was the %ast time you were stungG9

gu%ped out, 8>igh schoo%G t was a whi%e ago39

8Shit39 >e threw me a murderous %oo&3 >is eyes %oo&ed "%ac& in his white face3

8e made a sound of impatience, "ut heard the worry3 >e wasn6t a%one with that3

was scared to death3 hadn6t rea%iFed how much wanted to %ie 7 een if :raham

wasn6t going to "e part of my %ife 7 unti% my future was actua%%y in ;uestion3

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>ow %ong did haeG Peop%e died within minutes from a%%ergic reactions3 Ae

were more than minutes away from he%p3 Een if we cou%d get to the ?eep, we6d neer get

to the hospita% in time3 Ahich hospita%G Ahere was there a hospita%G cou%dn6t thin& of

one3 fe%t faint, or may"e tired and faint3 didn6t remem"er dropping my pac& "ut a%% at

once was sitting on the ground %eaning against it, watching :raham from what fe%t %i&e a

distance3

6d neer seen him %oo& %i&e that3 wou%dn6t hae thought he could%oo& %i&e that3

Scared3

8Ahat do you needG9 y oice sounded thic&, s%urred3

8!ntihistamines3 used to &eep a "ott%e in here3 h goddamn it39 >is oice shoo&3

8t6s not here39

86e got a "ott%e in my pac&39 5hat6s what meant to say "ut it came out

sounding more %i&e, 8wBgowB"oo"ieBihBmahBpah39 was surprised had the air

%eft for that3 t was getting harder and harder to form words3 y mouth fe%t num"3 y

who%e face fe%t num"3 Een my ears fe%t num"3

was een more surprised that :raham trans%ated my words3 $ut he did3 >e

?umped up, "rushing past me, and tore into my pac&3 s%umped oer, watching diFFi%y as

my c%othes went sai%ing into the s&y a"oe my head3

h man3 was %osing itB

8Got it39

:raham scooted around "eside me3 >e he%d my "ott%e of antihistamine spray3

8&ay, Ayatt3

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5he ne@t time opened my eyes was in a hospita% cu"ic%e3 5here were the usua%

hospita% sme%%s and sounds3 5here was a fire sprin&%er positioned direct%y oer my "ed

and a "%ue curtain separating me from the actiity in the ha%%way3 5here was a%% the usua%

medica% parapherna%ia, "ut didn6t seem to "e hoo&ed up to any of it3 Ahich was a "ig

re%ief3

n fact, fe%tBfine3

turned my head3 :raham was sitting ne@t to the "ed, watching me3 widened my

eyes, narrowed them, "%in&ed a coup%e of times3 >e stayed right there, eyeing me with

e;ua% interest3 >e said conersationa%%y, 8u%&, "ut wasn6t chi%d.siFe either3

:raham continued, 85here was a paramedic truc& par&ed ne@t to my Jeep3 5hey6d

"een ca%%ed out for a heart attac& that turned out to "e a case of campfire indigestion3

5hey gae you a shot of epinephrine and then we a%% hau%ed ass for the emergency room3

Ahen we arried here they pumped you fu%% of $enadry% and cortisone and o@ygen and in

a coup%e of hours you were "ac& to norma%39

fe%t "ac& to norma%3 5ired3 $ut wired3 Li&e cou%d s%eep for a month, "ut

eentua%%y3 'ot in any immediate future3

5he fu%% significance of what had happened hit me3 !s c%ose ca%%s went, it didn6t

get much c%oser than this3 said hus&i%y, 85han& you, :raham3

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8 didn6t rea%iFe how fast you6d snap out of it39 >is face fe%% into grim %ines3 8

didn6t thin& you6d snap out of it at a%%39 >e drew a "reath3 8!nyway, it6s o&ay3 5hey6re

not driing down39

85han& :od39

85onight39

groaned again3 >e actua%%y %aughed3 uiet%y, "ut it was a genuine %augh3

85hey6re nice39

8 &now they are3 pic&ed them39 5hat was the fami%y ?o&e3 was adopted when

was si@teen months o%d3 5he story is my "irthmother fina%%y decided on $i%% and Dana

=in%ey when tried to chew up their rMsumM3

:raham said aw&ward%y, 85heyB&new a%% a"out me39

8e was definite3 8 was trying to te%% you "efore you were stung3 t got %ost

inB9

>is oerwhe%ming grief for Jase3 did understand that3 5oo we%%3

>e e@pe%%ed a %ong "reath3 85he words came out wrong3 6m not good at ta%&ing

a"out this stuff39

Aho isG $ut didn6t say that3 patted his hand, tried to assure him without haing

to dig up the words, that it was o&ay3 understood3 Say no more3

lease, say no more3

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$ut he did say more3 n that choppy, uneen, occasiona%%y crac&ed oice3 Dry3

Parched3 Li&e he hadn6t had a sip of water in decades3

8 &new when you said thatBa"out giing Jase "ac& to me if you had the power39

>is eyes neer waered from mine3 8t was the truth3 e countered, 8>ow cou%d forget him so easi%yG9

8

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eye%ashes, "efore %atching on once more in shiery, sweet &isses3 5he fami%iar heat coi%ed

inside me, ting%ing a%% the way from the so%es of my feet to the ends of my hair3

cou%d fee% :raham6s heart pounding against my own, fee% the uneenness of his

"reath and the tremor of his hands3

Ahen we fina%%y "ro&e the &iss, his eyes g%ittered3 8t6s o&ay,9 said3 8t6%% "e

o&ay3 t6s not as comp%icated as it seems39

8Does it seem comp%icated to youG t seems simp%e to me39

reached out to "rush the tears at the edge of his eyes3 5he wet g%ittered on my

thum" tip3 8!re you sti%% scaredG9

8'o3 !re youG9

8'o39 ay"e a %itt%e3 had something to %ose again 7 and didn6t thin& cou%d

surie %osing it twice

>e smi%ed his wry smi%e, the funny %itt%e grin 6d fa%%en in %oe with3 86%% fi@ us

something to eat, and then we can ta%&39

8Ae don6t hae to ta%&39

8'ot a %ong conersation,9 :raham agreed3 8 want to say %oe you3 >ow6s

thatG9

8Perfect39

was sti%% smi%ing as he &issed me a fina% time and headed "ac& to the &itchen3

stared up at the dar&ening s&ies3 5he stars wou%d appear soon, first a faint and

mi%&y g%ow, then a hard, adamantine g%itter, "urning steadi%y through the night3 t wou%d

"e a good night3 ay"e the first of many3

cou%d hear :raham in the other room, comforta"%e, fami%iar sounds of dishes

and running water3 cou%d hear the "irds in the trees saying good.night to each other3

!nd somewhere down the hi%%side cou%d hear the "uFF of a motorcyc%e %i&e an angry "ee

growing fainter and fainter with the mi%es3

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About the Author

! distinct oice in gay fiction, mu%ti.award.winning author JS> L!'

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Thank you !or %uyin) this %ook. It is only %ecause readers like you continue purchase

!iction that writers can still a!!ord to write.

N Josh Lanyon N