ISSUE #12 - JUNE 2011

Glamour & glory at 52nd Plumbob Picture Awards

Fans crowd to get a glimpse of their favourite stars

Last night saw the 52nd Plumbob Picture Awards taking place at the Simstar Theatre in downtown Bridgeport.

Our reporters were on the red carpet to get you the exclu-sives from the biggest stars. Emily Redman was spotted in a sleek, blue Marné Fab-rog dress, sporting a stunning new hairstyle for the occasion. When asked what her expecta-tions were for the night, Emily replied “What? You mean about the awards? Oh, that’s so boring! Nobody comes here to win a stupid trophy.

We’re here for the after party! Wooohooo!” Emily was ar-rested a few minutes later after becoming aggressive towards a fan taking a picture.

Some of the big winners in-cluded Evan Halen for best actress and Jerry Clarkson for best actor. Best picture went to romantic-comedy Love, Lust and Llamas directed by Stephen Wilson who also won best director. There were some issues, however, when Stephen’s acceptance speech went on for a record 43 min-utes. Even after being ushered back to his seat, he proceeded to continue his babbling from where he was sitting, and everyone at the event had no choice but to listen to the re-mains of his pointless dron-ing. The awards were hosted by comedian and local librar-ian Phil Hooper. He kept the crowd fully entertained un-

til he made a particular joke about Jerry Clarkson’s huge nose, which lead to him being booed off stage for the night.

The after party was held at the superb Prosper Room night club where it’s rumoured 3-time award winner and cur-rent hotdog-eating champion Eden “Muncher” Mason be-came less-than-sober and pro-ceeded to streak through the party. No reporters were al-lowed, as the party was exclu-sively for award winners and really rich people.

Event organisers claim it was “A very successful and excit-ing evening”, with plans for the 53rd Plumbob Picture Awards already underway. It has not yet been confirmed when Emily Redman will be released from police custody to continue filming her latest movie.

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SUNSET VALLEY TIMESPAGE 2

Annual cake contest held in Sunset ValleyThe entirety of Sunset Valley was all about baking cakes this week. Why was that? Well it could be nothing other than the annual Sunset Valley Cake Baking con-test.

SUNSET VALLEY – This year again, Sims came from far far away to participate in the annual Sunset Valley cake-baking contest. The big win-ner this year, Fleur là Fondant, originally from France, won the contest with a cake of 24 layers and a waterfall made out of chocolate.

We asked her how she won from heavy competition and how she gets her great ideas.

“Bon. Let us make one zhing very clear. It was not a hard competition. I do zhis very easily. My mother taught me to bake good cakes and she learned from her mother,” she says, sighing. “But alas, I do have good ide-as. I actually look all around me for zhe good ideas. This design, I just came up with it very easy, when I was looking at an apartment building down zhe road.

Zhe waterfall of chocolate c’est mon trademark. No one makes zhe good chocolate wa-terfalls as moi!”

We asked if we could make a photo of her cake, to use for the newspaper.“Aah oui, zhat is possible. ‘ere It is,” she said, while showing us a small piece. “There is not much left. My ‘usband and moi are very big fans of zhe cakes. He ate zhe rest of it!” she explained smil-ing, after which we ended the interview.

OPINIONSYodelers should be allowed to cut in line in the supermarketWhat does our panel think of this argument?

Imaginary drivers problem on roadsThe Sunset Valley Police De-partment (SVPD) has had their hands full with a new issue that’s been causing may-hem on the roads; imaginary drivers. Children who sit in beanbags and pretend to drive.

“We’ve seen many of them lately. I think it’s a generation thing. Those children cause huge traffic jams. Other cars just wait in line behind them, patiently. They think they are actual drivers,” according to Bob Doughnut of the SVPD. No accidents have yet been caused by the imaginary driv-ers, but the annoyance level of Sunset Valley has skyrocketed. “Every morning I’m behind one of those slow drivers. Like hit the gas already kiddo.”

What the SVPD will do about this issue is not yet known.

Rush hour at local book storeYesterday afternoon, an up-rising occurred at the Divisa-dero Budget Bookstore. After a massive clearance sale was announced on local daytime television, hordes of eager customers rushed to get their deal. Stock was selling fast, and soon angry protest began when customers weren’t receiving the books they want-ed. Police were called to the scene to control the growing mob of frustrated literature lovers, and Divisadero Budget Books is now closed indefi-nitely until repairs are com-plete.

The only piece of pie left after doing the interview

Tracy ConnorTeenage girl

Marsha MarieHousewive

Hansel SchlagerPro yodeler

Yodelers are like, failing rappers, right? That’s so not cool. Neither is my dad. He is like, laaaame!

If it’s a male yodeler with a nice bottom to look at while doing my daily groceries, then sure, why not!

Yes, of course! It’s time that us yodelers got the respect we deserve! I wish people would stop stealing my Lederhosen!

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iFashionablemusicplayer

COMMUNITY VOICEWell this is certainly the first time that I am writing a letter to a newspaper. I have read a lot of utter nonsense in this paper before, especially in this community voice section, which ap-pears to only place nonsense letters. But now I just felt it was time for me to con-tribute something more serious to your newspaper. Yes I know, you’ll get to thank me later.

So let me introduce myself first. My name is Agnes. No not Agnes Crumplebottom, is that your only association with that name? No it’s Ag-nes Ironedtusch. It’s originally from somewhere far far away. I don’t even know where ex-

actly. But that is not the point of this letter. No, my point was actually that I feel left out.

Discriminated if you will.

When I look at your paper, all I see are nice lovely well-shaped faces. All the Sims in the im-ages you print next to your articles look like they are models

in some sort. But you seem to forget that we still exist. Yes, us square faced Sims are still a part of the Sims community, even though your newspaper makes us think like we are some sort of outcasts.

So to all readers; we are here, we are square. And we are not going anywhere! Thank you!

By Agnes Ironed-tusch

Exam disrupted by mistake fire bri-gadeSUNSET VALLEY – A ma-jor final exam at Sunset Val-ley High was rudely disrupted yesterday. The fire brigade was told for unknown reason that there was a huge fire in the classroom where the ex-ams were being held at that moment. The firemen rushed into the room without noticing there was no fire at all. They soaked all the tests and ran off, leaving a horrible mess.Student Maynord Patel was not amused. ‘This is incred-

ibly unfair, I say. I was about to score my third A+ in a row and now my test is unread-able! I demand a new exam immediately.’

‘It was so much fun,’ Tiffany Miller giggles. ‘I was just try-ing to solve the hardest equa-tion that like, has ever existed, and I was almost like, what-ever, ‘cause I hate numbers and stuff, and then those hot firemen rushed into our class-room, haha!’

Newest TV talent show fails to amuseA new talent show con-cept, promoted heav-ily by its network The Sim Channel, seemed to confuse rather than amuse its viewers when its pilot aired on prime-time last Saturday.

After the countless talent shows (like ‘The Talent Show’ and ‘The Even More Talents Show’) TV has seen produc-ing another such show with the promise ‘a talent show you’ve never seen before!’ did appear a tad ambitious. The Sim Channel however, one of Sunset Valley’s major televi-sion networks, did exactly this without any hesitation with a talent show by the name of ‘Judge The Judge!’.

Creative mind Conny Plex, who single-handedly invent-ed and created the concept and sold it to The Sim Chan-

nel, explains: “See, in previ-ous talent shows it’s always been about the contestants. But in ‘Judge The Judge!’ the contestants judge the judges on their judging skills, mak-ing the judges more central to the whole show. And then the judges judge the judging contestants on their judging of the judges’ judgment! I mean, that’s pure genius, right?” However, ratings and reviews begged to differ: after a mere ten minutes, the show lost more than three quarters of its initial viewers; those who did watch the entire pilot and reviewed called it ‘extremely confus-ing’ and ‘tremendously hard to follow’. “In the end I couldn’t distinguish between contestant and judge!’’ noted TV critic Donald Harris commented. The Sim Channel has an-nounced it won’t air any more episodes.

Ms Plex is perplexed by the sudden cancellation of the show

The exams seconds before the firemen rushed in.

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SPORTS RESULTS

Newcomer Mason Peters surprised crowds by being crowned new champion of the Martial Arts competition last month. Many believe the only reason he won was because all of his opponents mysteriously disap-peared on the day of the fight.

In other news, the Llamas bagged their second win when they played The Sloths at Lla-ma Co Stadium last week. The team is on an epic rise, gaining popularity and fans every day. “It’s great, all this support we’re getting now. We’re used to being booed at, see.” Says quarterback Greg Booth.

We can only wait and see whether they will keep up this victory streak.

COLOPHONSunset Valley Times was created by:

Brandon DognaJordy JVtjeMaarten

PeterSuzan Wouter

CLASSIFIEDSFound: A phone number. It was just there, lying in the streets. If you have lost your phone number, please call me at 555-0901 (if you have an-other phone that is).

Lost: My cat. She was just walking around in the neigh-borhood and then all of a sud-den she was gone. Any info

is appreciated. Contact me at whereismycat@smail.sn

Looking for: Someone to clean my apartment. I just don’t feel like doing it myself. I know that may sound lazy. It’s just who I am. Leave me alone already. Stop bothering me. Anyway contact me, at 1-900-6878

PERSONALS19yr old bloke, loves English accents, hates patriotic behav-ior. Not info square faces. No 0778

57yr old lady, squared face, looking for somone to iron her bottoms. No 0908

1mnth old fish, looking for a buddy to swim & have long romantic convo’s. No 0911

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