In Your World…

• Who do you feel comfortable with, free to be yourself (at work, socially)?

• Who do you feel wary, uncomfortable around (work, socially)?

WHY? Let’s break it down…

• Behaviors?

• Verbal

• Nonverbal

The Gibb Categories of Defensive and Supportive Behaviors

Jack Gibb

1914 – 1995

His Roots

“From the hereafter to the here and now”

Published in 1978

What is a communication “climate?”

Communication Climate

• An atmosphere, an emotional “tone” in a relationship or situation

• Positive – “Face Saving”• Low level of defensiveness

• Negative – “Face Threatening”• High level of defensiveness

Gibb’s Theory:

You can alter the communication climate using Defensive and Supportive “Behaviors”

Gibb Categories

• Defensive Behaviors

1. Evaluation

2. Control

3. Strategy

4. Neutrality

5. Superiority

6. Certainty

• Supportive Behaviors

1. Description

2. Problem Orientation

3. Spontaneity

4. Empathy

5. Equality

6. Provisionalism

And this matters to me because?

• Competent Communicator

• Marital Satisfaction

• Job Satisfaction

Evaluation vs: Description

• Evaluation – arouses defensiveness

• “judgmental” statements

• “you” language

• “You make me so angry!”• “You’re always late!”

Description

• Keep the focus on yourself (the speaker)

• “I” language

• Describe, rather than “judge”

• “I feel angry when you’re late and you don’t call, because I worry.”

• Note: Nonverbal counts here, too!

Control vs: Problem Orientation

• The sender “imposes” his or her solution

• Controlling behavior – My way or the highway!

Office example when expecting a call:

• “Don’t touch the phone for the next two hours!”

Problem Orientation

• “We’re in this together” attitude

• Find a solution that meets the needs of all involved – not about “winning”

• “I’m expecting a really important call – is there a way we can keep the line open?”

Strategy vs: Spontaneity

• Defensiveness arises because speakers “hide” their ulterior motives

• Dishonest, manipulative

A married couple:

• “Bernadette and Dan go out to dinner every week.”

Spontaneity

• Say what you mean – simple honesty (careful here: this doesn’t mean every thought that pops into your head!)

• Don’t try to “package” your message for a desired response.

• “I’d really like to go out to dinner more often.”

• Note: Gibb is Western/low context – Cultural Component

Neutrality vs: Empathy

“Indifference” – impersonal

Disconfirming - conveys a lack of concern – the other person “doesn’t matter”

A Student doesn’t get accepted to a 4 year school:“Oh well, that’s the way it goes.”

“They treat me like a number” UD vs.: NYU

Empathy

• Accepting another’s feelings, putting yourself in another’s place.

• Confirming because it shows support and understanding

• “That’s really tough. I know how hard you worked on your application.”

• Note: Nonverbal plays a huge role here

Superiority vs: Equality

• Recipe for defensiveness: Any message that suggests “I’m better than you.” (Both verbal and nonverbal count)

• “No, I just told you. That’s not the right way to do it.”

Equality

• You can be better at something, or know more, and still find ways to level the playing field, allow others to feel equal

• “If you want, I can show you a way that worked for me.”

Certainty vs: Provisionalism

• “I know it ALL.” My opinion is correct, yours is not!”

• Fundamentally disconfirming

• “That will never work!”

Provisionalism

• Speaker has opinions, but knows they don’t have a corner on the truth, willing to change their position

• “There could be some problems with that approach, but we could test it.”

• “I haven’t heard that before. Can you explain it a bit more?”

And remember:

• What works is not necessarily what comes naturally

• Becoming aware is the first step – do you see yourself ?

• It takes two, Gibb’s categories are not guaranteed BUT…

• The odds are in your favor when you take a supportive approach

• How would you like to be treated?

Thank you all for your time!