Story Telling

Storytelling

Lacey Hastings

Stenberg College

Running head: STORYTELLING1

STORY TELLING12

STORYTELLING2

Storytelling

Storytelling is used to relay experiences, Stories help us learn, inspire us to think in new ways, and enhance our understanding of ourselves and our world (The Nursing Channel, 2013). When we share our stories with others, it gives us a chance to reflect, learn and grow from our experiences. Stories bring meaning into our lives, convey values and emotions, aid in reaffirming and validating our lives and experiences, and have the ability to connect us with our inner selves, with others and with society (Atkinson, 2002; as cited in East et.al, 2010). When we have the opportunity to tell our stories, we have the opportunity to look further into our past experience, share this with others, connect with them, and reconnect with our selves at the time of the experience. I will tell a story, of a time in my life where I was part of a helping/healing relationship, I will express the thoughts and feelings I had, the actions I took and take you on this learning journey with me, while I reflect and reconnect with my own past experience.

Story

I started to work at the Centre of Hope, a wet homeless (day) shelter downtown Fort McMurray, shortly after a tragedy occurred. The shelter was a home for many homeless people in Fort McMurray, and became a home for (lets call them David and Lucy), who were drug users and upon losing their jobs ended up on the streets. They were regular clients of the shelter for going on three years, while throughout that time remained a couple, it was rare to see that kind of relationship in that atmosphere, so I was told, and they were referred to as the shelters little married couple. They looked out for one another, which is big when living on the streets, and although their relationship may not have been what some people would call healthy they loved each other. David and Lucy would sleep in the dumpster outside the shelter, as the dry shelters for the evening didnt allow for people to be under the influence when accessing their services. Sleeping in the dumpster became the warmest, safest place for them, and thats where they would call home for the evenings. One morning David woke up and decided to go get him and Lucy a coffee from the McDonalds down the street from the shelter, and Lucy remained sleeping. While David was gone, the garbage truck came for his weekly pickup, to take the garbage, what he didnt know, was that Lucy was inside. David returned, and when Lucy wasnt around he began to panic, when the ladies came to open the shelter in the morning, he got them to check the security footage. Just as they all had dread, Lucy did not get out before the truck unloaded the dumpster, and was dumped with it.

I started shortly after, and the staff was quick to tell me this horrifying story, as it had impacted all the staff and clients, as Lucy was considered family. The investigation had not been closed, as there was no body found, however with the footage of the dumpster they could determine she was dumped into the truck and taken to the landfill where they never found her remains, they ended the search for Lucy. Without the body their wasnt a formal funeral, however the staff put one together for the clients of the Center of Hope, I had the honor of being there, and it was very emotional. I noticed in the photos that David was still one of the clients, and was absolutely devastated, he left shortly after the service began. The other staff mentioned to me he had not spoken to anyone about the incident and that in fact he hadnt spoken much at all, he was using more and not coming around as often, and they were all worried for him. I felt awful thinking about how he must be feeling, and that there wasnt anything we could do for him. Within a couple months he started to come in more often, and because I worked as an intake worker, I worked frontline with the clients, so I began to get familiar with him. David was a very sarcastic guy, he would use his humor to get out of awkward situations, out of arguments, or to start arguments, and I noticed that this seemed to be his go to. I didnt treat him any differently than the other clients, and felt I didnt deserve to try and help or speak to him about Lucy, as I didnt know her, and wasnt there when it happened. The other staff would always be fussing over him, and asking him questions, (worried of course) but I noticed that this made him much more uncomfortable. I just began to chat with him, little bits here and there, I hadnt had any kind of training and wasnt trying to counsel him, I just figured I would try to be friends, on a professional level. I used a little of his sarcasm and tossed a couple jokes and insults his way, he began to warm up, and get familiar with me, so I started talking with him a little more here and there. Over the next couple months David would come and talk with me almost every day, and I would listen. We talked about life, his previous jobs, his family, etc., I didnt push him to talk about Lucy and didnt ask questions, as I was just being there as a friend, and someone to talk to. While David talked and I listened, I offered my full attention and interest, and I didnt judge or question, and this is how the trust developed. One day David brought up Lucy on his own, he didnt tell me about what happened, he just talked about her, and their relationship. He told me how wonderful she was, how they had plans of getting clean together, getting jobs, and an apartment. David told me he missed her, and that was all. We didnt talk about it again for a while, until one day he brought it up again, and started to tell me about that morning, he told me they had used that night, and he figured she would be out for a while and that he would go get a coffee and come back. He explained the feeling he had when he lifted the dumpster lid, and how he knew right away what happened. He began to cry, and I just touched his shoulder and didnt say a word, it may have been because I had no idea what to say at the time, but now thinking back I think it was best to have said nothing. This became a regular thing, and at the time I didnt know what was happening, all I knew was I was listening to him, I let him tell me his story, and talk about how he felt, I showed him I cared and supported him, and thats all there was too it, I didnt know much about counseling or therapeutic relationships I just wanted to be there for him. The other staff began to confront me about it, and mentioned how he had never spoken about it, and how great of a job I was doing, how I was really helping him. I wasnt thinking about myself though, I wasnt thinking I was doing a good job, as I was just being supportive and listening to someone who had been through trauma. David would have rough days, and when he got into an argument with the other clients, they began to blame him for Lucys death, they said he left her there, high, and left her to die, that it was his fault. I had never seen him so upset, and he was turning violent, the other staff were contemplating calling the police, so I took him outside. I got him to calm himself down, and he told me the truth about that morning, that Lucy was high and that he was worried about leaving her, as he thought she might have used too much, but he was supposed to meet their drug dealer, so he thought he would be really quick and come back. He talked about the guilt he felt and how everyone blamed him. Again, I was lost, how do I help him, I didnt know what to say or do. I just thought of it as ,what would I say to my friend if this were the case, and I just supported him, told him I understood, but told him it wasnt his fault, he didnt know this would happen, he loved her. Things started to get better from there, he had his rough days, and even rougher, but he was talking and working through it, which was good for him. Some days he would be sure that she had gotten out of the dumpster that morning, and that he saw her walking down the street, this was heartbreaking, as he didnt see her, she was gone. I listened and just brought the reality of the facts back into the conversation, he would clue in himself that it wasnt Lucy, that she was gone, but he missed her, and thought about her every day. When things started to get better, David talked about the plans him and Lucy once had, and I asked him why he couldnt still do them? Why he couldnt do it for himself? I let that sit over a few days, and even though nothing came of it at the time, he started to think about it and think about the future. I learned a lot about myself while just being Davids friend, and felt like I helped him, by just listening and offering support. When it came time for me to move back to Vancouver Island, I went to say goodbye, as David was in Detox, he gave me something he made in his first attempt at treatment, it was a coaster, and he thanked me for being there and for caring. He told me he would be clean and sober one day, and that he would make sure I knew. Turns out about two months ago I received a message from a lady at the Center of Hope, relaying a message from David, he has been clean and sober for eight months, hes doing well, and that he wanted me to know, and to say thanks again.

Analysis

At the time, I wasnt sure what I was doing or what I should be doing, all I knew was that somebody trusted me and needed me to listen. I was sure there was more I should have done, or could be doing, or there was someone much more qualified than me to be helping in such an intense situation. However looking back now, I know that what I did was care, I provided trust and support, showed empathy and simply listened, and this is what he needed. I was being human and caring for him, I was myself; there was no hidden age