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Transcript of Stop stressing yourself out.docx
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7/29/2019 Stop stressing yourself out.docx
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1. 1-on-1: Susan Fletcher on Simplifyingyour Life
Are you Stressing Yourself Out?
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Susan Fletcher is a practicing psychologist, speaker, consultant and author ofWorking in
the Smart Zone and Parenting in the Smart Zone. Shes the CEO of Fletcher & Associates
Psychological Services and Smart Zone Solutions. A stress-management and productivity
expert, Fletcher is also a wife and mother of three.
SUCCESS: Do you think people create a lot of their own stress?
Susan Fletcher:I think its very common. Everyone does it. It doesnt mean every bit of
stress we have is self-created. But every single person can make things harder than they
need to be.
SUCCESS:What are some ways people create their own stress?
Susan Fletcher: People do it by reading into things too much. Sometimes a look is just alook. People make things bigger than they need to be. In an effort to increase value, they
will make a project bigger than it needs to be and maybe not even realize they are doing it.
What it really does is clog the system in terms of productivity. I believe that creates a lot of
stress. Especially in this economy, theres a lot of competition to show value, and this can
create stress. Another way people create stress is when they believe they are the only
person who can do something, and they dont involve or collaborate with other people.
They dont delegate or assign accountability. Women do it at home a lot, and I believe both
genders do it a lot at work.
SUCCESS:Is it an issue of control?Susan Fletcher:I dont know that they are always control issues. The people who do itone
of the fi rst things they say is, I dont really want this responsibility. I dont want to be the
only one who does this, whether its at home getting the baby sitter or the one at work
doing the fi nal proofi ng. They will say they dont like doing it. So, I dont think it is control. I
think its trustthe unwillingness to transfer trust.
SUCCESS:How can people learn to transfer trust to reduce stress?
Susan Fletcher:I really like (Stephen Coveys son) Stephen M.R. Coveys Speed of Truststuff.
He says people have to be able to do it before they feel it. Just like with your kids, you have
to give them a little rope. And with someone who works for you, you have to let them failbecause failure is feedback. But you have to keep giving them pieces of the project rather
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than just saying, Its easier to do myself. You have to let the rope out a little bit more. You
have to create an opportunity for trust and to learn from mistakes.
SUCCESS:How does self-created stress play out at home?
Susan Fletcher:Sometimes a dirty coffee cup is just a dirty coffee cup. Its not a passive-
aggressive way to say you are not appreciated. Its hard for high-achieving people to look at
something really simply. I cant tell you how many people I have talked into hiring someone
to clean their house. People laugh when I tell them that, but youd be surprised how hard it
is to convince people to do it. I tell people, You cant hire someone to spend time with your
spouse and kids, but you can hire someone to clean your house, do your laundry or mow
your lawn.
SUCCESS:Thats true. So what are some other solutions for selfcreated stress?
Susan Fletcher:Sometimes people dont see what they are doing is ineffi cient. Its really
important for people to ask themselves, Whats my ultimate outcome I want here and
what do I need to do to get there?
People who are stressed get stuck answering e-mails for two hours at the expense of higher
value items that need to be taken care of. They lose their objectivity because there is so
much going on. Its not that they cant prioritize; they just have something they need to take
out of the high-priority column.
Its sort of like when you are in your house and you open the fridge and ask, Wheres the
mustard? and your family member says, Its right in the door of the refrigerator.
Sometimes we get hyper-focused and lose peripheral vision.
The No. 1 thing to reduce stress is to have an accountability partner. It could be a friend or
family memberprobably not someone you live with because you dont want to muddy the
waters. It has to be someone you will listen to but who will hold you accountable. My friend
Trudy was my accountability partner for my last book. Id call her, and shed ask, How many
chapters did you work on this week? Id know she was going to ask me on our Thursday
call, so Id tell myself beforehand that I better get something done.
SUCCESS:That leads perfectly into our next question. You are a psychologist,
businesswoman, author, wife and mother of three. Whats your secret to managing stress
in your own life?
Susan Fletcher:Well, for lunch today I had a bowl of Cheerios, so I dont always do what I
want to do. But tonight I will eat right and get back on track. We have three boys and I have
been a Cub Scout leader [for them]. Even though I loved it, I am very deliberate and said I
will do it for X number of years. You have to say no to things you might enjoy but that are
not in line with where you are personally or professionally at the moment. Right now I leave
work in the afternoon to be with my kids. I tell people to be selfi sh with their yeses because
they are golden tickets.