Step 9-making-a-positive-amend-exercise

True or False – Loneliness is Toxic to your Happiness? Your

Sobriety?

[email protected] / 202-246-6865Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

mailto:[email protected]

http://go2.wordpress.com/?id=725X1342&site=netmap.wordpress.com&url=http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/us/&sref=http://netmap.ifpriblog.org/about/


Finding: Happiest People Study




Finding: Harvard Longitudinal

Study75 yr studyLongest everRelationship with Mother predicts success?

“Warmth of Relationships predicts Happiness. Full stop”




Sobriety? “Social” species are

biologically dominant Ants, Bees, zebras,

wolves, humans, etc.





Sobriety? “Social“ species are

biologically dominant Ants, Bees, zebras,

wolves, humans, etc. All social species have

“group-bonding system”


Sobriety? “Social“ species are

biologically dominant Ants, Bees, zebras, wolves,

humans, etc. All social species have

“group-bonding system” Elements of human bonding

system (a.k.a. “social love”)1. Brain2. Vagus Nerve 3. Oxytocin- stimulates

Trust, Friendliness, Altruism, Empathy, …

4. Kindness genetically programmed by genes in 3rd chromosone


Sobriety? “Social species” are

biologically dominant Ants, Bees, zebras, wolves,

humans, etc. All social species have

“group-bonding system” Elements of human bonding

system (a.k.a. “social love”)1. Brain2. Vagus Nerve 3. Oxytocin- stimulates

Trust, Friendliness, Altruism, Empathy, …

4. Kindness genetically programmed by genes in 3rd chromosone

Signals from our body: Hunger Nutrition Thirst Hydration Loneliness Connection

(longing) (love)

Answer Loneliness is not toxic. Loneliness is a signal

from your body to connect.

Not attending to your loneliness IS TOXIC

“Social Love Malnutrition” vs. “Social Love Fitness”

(Oxytocin deficient vs. Oxytocin Abundant)

Love Deficiency predicts: Greater Anxiety Vulnerabilty to Depression Top risk driver for addiction “Opposite of addiction is not

substance (behavior)-free, …the opposite of addiction is connection”

Symptoms of “Love Malnutrition”: See more threats everywhere Lack in whom to confide No/low sense of tribe

(collective identity) to which one belongs

Social Love Fitness predicts: Better Cardiovascular

condition Immune system more fit Socially more integrated Emotionally more resilient

Other benefits when experiencing social connection Accelerated learning Intensified pleasure and

negative reactions

About Love (Connection)Cultural vs.Socio-Biological

Cultural Notions:“Everlasting”“Exclusive”“Unconditional” /

Love is blind

Digital? Scalable?

Socio-Biological love30 sec – few minutes

Not “everlasting”, but forever renewable.

Like bread (or sobriety), love must be made new every day

Possible with any other Very sensitive to context &

safety “Inter-experienced” directly

2,538 Friends





How to make (Social) Love1. Sharing Positive Emotion

(Safety and Smiles)

2. Direct behavioral & hormonal synchrony (Biomimicry)

3. Mutual inter-personal good intention (Reflected intention to invest in mutual-care towards well-being)



STEP 9 Exercise-Amending how you connect

Choose a topic you are PASSIONATE about

PART 1 Take turns 1st person shares 2nd person behaviorally ignores,

undermines, diminishes the communication.

Debrief

PART 2 1st person repeats section with

the 2nd person listening attentively and fully engaged

Debrief Switch Listeners….




Dr. Bob's Last Message

“Our 12 Steps, when simmered down to the last, resolve themselves into the words love and service.” 1st Int’l Conf. of

Alcoholics AnonymousJuly 1950





This Week’s Homework

MAKE LOVE POSSIBLE

Be the listener for others to experience positive connection Start with the 3-5 persons you identified from

last week

Share on the gratitude list examples of “micro-moments” of love



Step 9-making-a-positive-amend-exercise

Presentations & Public Speaking

Transcript of Step 9-making-a-positive-amend-exercise