Startup Communication, Oct 2013
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Transcript of Startup Communication, Oct 2013
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Startup
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
CommunicationEd Batista@ Bloomberg SFOctober 7, 2013
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Photo:
Seth
Anders
on
Executive coachInstructor @ Stanford GSBwww.edbatista.com
HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
Who am I?
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Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are we1:1 communicationGroup normsYou as partners and role models
going?
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Startups ashuman systems
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Complex group dynamicsCommunication = survivalFeedback = learningRelationships matterLeaders as levers
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Founder as avatar
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Founder as avatarAvatara
The ideal made realCompany made in your image
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Concepts #1The headlineSocial threatSCARF modelRelationshipsThe net
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
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The headlineFeedback is stressfulSo criticize with skill& give more (heartfelt) praise
Photo by Garry Knight [link]
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Can I give you
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
some feedback?
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Feedback and
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social threat
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Threat responseaka “Fight or flight”
Physiological signs?Emotional signs?
Photo by William Warby [link]
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Threat responseCognitive impairment…
Decision-makingProblem-solvingCollaboration
Photo by William Warby [link]
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Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Social threat
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Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
SCARF modelDavid RockWhat social situationstrigger a threatresponse?
ReadMore
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SCARF modelStatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness
ReadMore
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Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
SCARF model & feedbackThreat to…Status?Certainty?Autonomy?Relatedness?Fairness?
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Use the modelWhen giving feedback…Be mindful of statusMinimize uncertaintyMaximize autonomyBuild the relationship*Play fair*
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Use the modelWhen getting feedback…Recognize our threat responseManage our emotions (Norms help*)
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Photo by Harsha KR [link]
Relationships
John GottmanWhat characterizes successful relationships?
ReadMore
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RelationshipsFeeling known by the otherA culture of appreciationMutual influenceResponding to “bids”
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5:1 positive to negative“Emotional bank account”
Relationships& conflict
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Founder as avatarThink about your partner
How’s your emotional bank account?What are you doing to build the relationship?
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Fairness
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
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The netDavid BradfordHow can we avoid triggering defensiveness?
ReadMore
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
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My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals
Needs Motives
Intentions
Feelings Reactions
Responses
The netMe and my…
You and your…
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
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The netStay on our side of the netFocus on observed behaviorDisclose our responseDon’t guess at motivesMinimize social threat
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
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Founder as avatarThink about your partner
When do you cross their net?When do they cross yours?
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Concepts #2Emotional intelligence & groupsTalking about feelingsGroup norms
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
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EQ and groupsWhy care?Effective teamsParticipation, cooperation, collaborationCan’t mandate behavior
ReadMore
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
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EQ and groupsEssential conditions…Mutual trustGroup identity (feeling of belonging)Group efficacy (belief in value of the team)Strongly affected by group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
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EQ and groupsIndividual EQEmotional awarenessEmotion regulation (≠ suppression)Inward (one’s own emotions)Outward (others’ emotions)
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
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EQ and groupsHigh EQ individuals ≠ High EQ groupGroup norms determine group EQCreate awareness of emotionHelp regulate emotion
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
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Founder as avatarYour behavior = company norms
How aware are you of your emotions?How well do you regulate your emotions?
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Talking aboutAffect labelingAmygdalaTalking disrupts negative emotionTalking about emotion > Thinking about emotion
feelings
Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
ReadMore
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Talking about
Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
Group normsNorms define what’s normativeCan we talk about feelings here?Overcome embarrassment/shame
feelings
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Our norms
Photo by jm3 [link]
Consider company normsCreate awareness of emotionsHelp regulate emotions
ReadMore
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We never… We always…
1. Spend time getting to knowothers personally.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We always…
2. Regularly ask how others are doing.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We always…
3. Share thoughts and emotionswith others in the moment.
Norms that createawareness
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4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We always…
5. Fully explore others’ resistanceto our decisions.
Norms that createawareness
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6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluateour own effectiveness.
Norms that createawareness
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7. Acknowledge and discuss the feelingin the group in the moment.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We always…
1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings.
Norms that help regulate
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We never… We always…
2. Call out behavior that violatesthose ground rules.
Norms that help regulate
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We never… We always…
3. Express acceptance ofothers’ emotions.
Norms that help regulate
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We never… We always…
4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team
and the emotions they generate.
Norms that help regulate
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We never… We always…
5. Use playfulness to acknowledgeand relieve stress.
Norms that help regulate
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6. Express optimism aboutthe team’s capabilities.
Norms that help regulate
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7. Provide others with positivefeedback in the moment.
Norms that help regulate
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Our normsWhat norms do you have?What norms do you need?What can you do as leaders?
Photo by jm3 [link]
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Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Concepts #3Positive feedbackMindsetSoft start
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Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
Positive feedbackA paradox
So importantSo often ineffectiveWhat’s wrong?
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Positive feedbackWe may not trust it
We may even resent itWe often praise the wrong things
ReadMore
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Positive feedbackDon’t praise to buffer criticism
Use a soft start*
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Positive feedbackDon’t praise to overcome resistance
Use other influence tactics
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Positive feedbackDon’t praise ability
Praise effort and persistence
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Carol DweckHow do we feel about our abilities?How do we feel about our mistakes?
Mindset
Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link]
ReadMore
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Talent & intelligence are inherent traits
Mistakes are failures or character flaws
Negative emotional response to mistakes
Talent & intelligence can be developed
Mistakes are learning opportunities
Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more
Fixed Growth
Mindset
ReadMore
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Soft start
Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
Not like this
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Soft start
Photo by OakleyOriginals [link]
Like this
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Soft startBegin with positive intent(But no bullshit)Emphasize mutual goalsBe aware of our own stress
ReadMore
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1:1 feedbackWhen getting feedback…Observe your threat responseDo you want to ask for specific feedback?
Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
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1:1 feedback
Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
When giving feedback…Positive feedback encouragedWhen criticizing, stay on your side of the netOne option: When you do [X], I feel [Y].