SPRING 2012, ISSUE 3 WWW.LAKELANDMIRROR.COM THURSDAY, MARCH 8, 2012

SINCE 1936

The Lakeland College

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Alumni don't make fake swamp monsters to scare their classmates. Or do they...?

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Features

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Fun House

INDEXOPINIONS

FEATURES

FUN HOUSE

SPORTS

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Sports

"Our job is only to hold up the mirror - to tell and show the public what has happened."

-Walter Cronkite

Eighty-six people applied to be Lakeland’s next presi-dent, nearly double the

amount from a year ago, according to Chair of the Presidential Search Committee (PSC) Jeff Ottum.

The PSC narrowed the 86 ap-plicants down to about a dozen af-ter scoring each applicant’s cover letter, curriculum vitae, résumé, fit with Lakeland’s mission, and ability to lead, build relationships, and fundraise.

After reducing the number of candidates, the PSC completed the first round of interviews with the chosen candidates. Within the next two to three weeks, the committee will conduct a second round of interviews.

“Coming out of the first round of interviews raised our [PSC’s] morale. Until we started meeting them [applicants] and interview-ing them, we really didn’t know whether or not the person was as good in person as on paper. But these candidates are good people and experienced folks. We con-tinue to get more energized and encouraged as we go through the process,” Ottum said.

Ottum added that the PSC

hopes prospective candidates will be visiting the campus to meet with selected representatives of the college in late March or early April. The committee has not yet determined how they will select students, staff, faculty, or alumni to interact and communicate with the candidates.

“We [members of the PSC] feel that we have a really good pool of candidates overall,” Ottum said. “The candidates are all very interesting and of various back-grounds, which is very encourag-ing.”

The PSC went through two complete rounds of interviews/searches and had about 45 total applicants at this time last year. After hiring Witt/Kieffer, a con-sultant agency, this year, that number nearly doubled.

Ottum said he believes the number doubled due to both Witt/Kieffer’s commitment to confidentiality and constantly searching for quality candidates. Witt/Kieffer advised the PSC not to hold open forums, like they did last year, in which the Lakeland community could meet finalists. If candidates interested in apply-ing knew their current employers could discover they were apply-ing for a different job, they might be discouraged from applying,

Witt/Kieffer representatives es-sentially said, according to Ottum. Thus, maybe confidentiality was a reason for the explosion of candi-dates.

But what makes a good can-didate?

“What it really comes down to is 'Who is the best fit?' We have very high standards, and we are not just going to compromise for someone who is not right for us [Lakeland]. They [the candidates] all have great experience, and what we need to find is someone

who can bring that experience to Lakeland,” said Ottum.

The goal is to have a new president in place by the end of this school year, when President Stephen Gould has said he will retire.

Ottum said the PSC has in-vited the dozen or so candidates back, and that they have all been very complimentary and interest-ed in Lakeland.

Narrowing down the fishing poolAbout a dozen candidates remain in presidential search

Retiring President Stephen Gould will likely soon have a replacement.

By Stephanie ReBekStaff Reporterrebeks@lakeland.edu

Lakeland College will be changing the layout of stu-dent IDs to make them ac-

ceptable for voting purposes. The state recently passed a

new law stating that college stu-dents can now use their school IDs for voting if the cards meet the proper requirements—they must contain the date of issuance, the signature of the student, a photo of the student, and an expiration date (no later than two years af-ter the date of issuance). The final requirement is that, in addition to an ID, the student must also bring a document confirming college en-rollment.

For students who will be voting in the Town of Herman in Franklin, Lakeland sends a list of currently enrolled students. A representative from the Town of Herman said the new IDs and the list of students enrolled would be acceptable for providing verifica-

tion of enrollment.In the past, the state required

students to have a state issued ID in order to vote. Although this re-quirement has changed, the DMV still provides state IDs for stu-dents who would like one.

“If a student would like to

Voting possible with new student ID's By Stephanie ReBekStaff Reporterrebeks@lakeland.edu

An example of a fine new student ID.

www.lakeland.edu

receive a new student ID with the additional information on it, all they have to do is request it, because they are available at any time,” said Nathan Dehne, vice president for student develop-ment.

Students can request a new

ID card by stopping in at the cam-pus card office in Bossard. There is no cost for the new card.

Lakeland will begin adminis-tering the new student ID cards this fall to the incoming freshman class.

DANNY SPATCHEK/SPATCHEKD@LAKELAND.EDU

STAFFLIST

Danny SpatchekEditor-in-Chief

Michael KnaakManaging Editor

Jenni HeinrichLayout Editor

Skye SieglaffCopy Editor

Greg HeinenAdvertising Manager

Jake BelknapPaul ElzingaAl Fairchild

Michelle FrommSean Gilligan

Heather HartmannReina KatohBen Koepsell

Stephanie RebekBrandon Rooker

Julia WilliamsChris YoungStaff Reporters

Jenni HeinrichLayout Staff

Dawn HogueAdviser

The Lakeland College Mirror is printed by Port Publications Inc.

The Mirror is published every two weeks during the first and second semesters while classes are in ses-sion and is distributed free of charge to students, faculty, and staff on the Lakeland College campus.

The Mirror is a member of the Associated Collegiate Press, Univer-sity Wire, College Media Advisers, College Publisher, and Wisconsin Newspaper Association.

2 Issue 3, March 8, 2012 News The Lakeland CollegeM I R R O R

2010 three-time award winner at the Best of the Midwest

2007 Best of the Midwest Best Overall Newspaper printed less than weekly at a four-year college

2005 Best of the Midwest Best Overall Newspaper printed less than weekly at a four-year college

2005 Society of Professional Journalists Mark of Excellence Award First Place in Region 6 for newspapers published not more than once per week

The Lakeland College

M I R R O R

The Lakeland College

M I R R O R

Logof

Crime

Noise Complaint 11-Feb South HallInjured Employee 20-Feb BossardUnderage Drinking 24-Feb South HallUnderage Drinking 25-Feb PubReckless Driving on Campus 2-Mar Lot DDisorderly Conduct 3-Mar GrosshueschReckless Driving on Campus 3-Mar Lot EUnderage Drinking 3-Mar KurtzDamage to Property 4-Mar Lot DFire Alarm 4-Mar HillAlcohol in Dry Dorm 5-Mar Krueger

Former Day Care to undergo renovationBuilding likely to hold lounge, Mirror, Spectrum, and language labBy Chris youngStaff Reporteryoungc@lakeland.edu

Lakeland’s old child care center, located between the suites, will likely be turned

into a computer lab and recreation area by next fall.

If current plans go through, a kitchen and lounge area with sofas, tables, chairs, cabinets, and counter space will be installed on the east side of the building to be used by student living in the suites. The west side of the build-ing will contain a Skype language lab and the new rooms for The Mirror and The Spectrum.

“The primary driver here was that we had some free space where the daycare used to be, and it’s be-coming very crowded in Chase, so

we tried to find a solution,” Vice President of Administration Dan Eck said.

Eck said he, the other vice presidents, and President Stephen Gould will make the final decision on whether to pass the plan soon.

”Once we have the final plan and associated budget for it, we'll take a look at the project again. We do have some funds we use each year for "smallish" projects like this, and we might be able to allocate some funds from a donor to this project as well, at least the part relating to the language lab,” he said.

Eck said they decided to take on this project for a few reasons.

“There are countless places or programs around campus where we could use these resources. This

seemed like a good time for this particular project – it will free up some classroom space in Chase, provide a dedicated language lab, as well as space for The Mirror

and Spectrum, and the students who live over there will have a kitchen/lounge area. I’m hoping we can pull it off and be ready by fall.”

The second Senior Art Ex-hibition will be held in the Bradley Theatre at 4:30

p.m. on March 9. This art exhibi-tion will feature art from Jennifer Heinrich, Maui Lee, Zhiheng Gu, Brooks Haas, Ross Soukup, and Cynthia Short.

The show will feature the work the six students created in various art courses at Lakeland, like oil painting, water color, 2D, 3D, digital illustration, and pho-tography. Students will also give brief speeches about their work, experience at Lakeland, and

thoughts about themselves as art-ists.

Most importantly, according to Associate Professor of Art Wil-liam Weidner, it is the only time for the students to show their art in public.

“It’s like their proof of how well they’ve done,” Weidner said.

“It [the exhibition] gives a little bit more insight into what the artwork is about, how the students got to the point with what they can do with a par-ticular technique, what sort of subject matter interests the students, or what they think they are going to do next after they graduate,” Weidner added.

Before you go on break... Medina rocks the Bradley...Earn a convocation credit

Senior Zhiheng Gu gets his senior exhibit ready before Friday.

MICHAEL KNAAK/KNAAKM@LAKELAND.EDU

By reina KatohStaff Reporterkatohr@japan.lakeland.edu International spoken word

artist Gabriela Garcia Me-dina performed on stage in

the Bradley Theater on Tuesday, March 6 and “slammed” her way into the hearts of the audience.

A total of six pieces were per-formed, and no two were alike.

Medina began the show with a piece entitled “The World’s Greatest Magician,” a poem she said was written after gaining in-spiration from her family and the way her parents made her child-hood a happy time even though they lived in poverty.

After finishing this piece, Me-dina transitioned into “A Self-Em-powered Love Poem,” which was about not being co-dependent in love, but instead being able to stand on her own two feet after a hard break-up.

“Break-ups happen because you realize that something isn’t working out. There’s no shame in them, and yes, break-ups are sad. But you still have to get up after-wards and keep living your life,” Medina said in her introduction to the poem.

The third piece performed was perhaps the most intense of the performance. Entitled “Four Women,” it told the story of four different women: three that Me-dina has known, and then Medina herself. These stories ranged from a young girl being raped while crossing the border to an Asian woman being trafficked into the

United States to work in a sweat shop to a young, homosexual African-American woman being harassed at a mall to a woman caught in a physically abusive re-lationship. There was a moment of silence when this piece finished, followed by an incredibly enthusi-astic round of applause.

The next two pieces, “My In-timate Revolution,” and “At Least I’m a Good Poet,” were both light-er tales. The first expressed Medi-na’s love for sexy lingerie, and the second detailed a failed attempt to cook a Cuban vegan meal for a now ex-boyfriend.

The sixth and final poem in the show was called “Extensions of My Poetry,” and was about how she is not an extension of her po-etry; rather, her poetry is an exten-sion of her, and she doesn’t want her audience to believe that they really know her after listening to her perform for an hour.

Medina finished to thunder-ous applause, and it was obvious that the audience enjoyed her spo-ken word pieces.

“I really enjoyed how, at first, her attitude was really intense,” said Freshman Choral Music Education major Siera Ramierez. “She was really raw and down-to-Earth.”

“It was a wonderful show,” Medina said afterwards. “I felt like everyone was really open and re-ceptive. I felt good up there, which doesn’t always happen. It’s always nice when the audience is thirsty for what you have to give them.”

By sKye sieglaffCopy Editorsieglaffs@lakeland.edu

The former Day Care will likely house a suites lounge, the Mirror and Spectrum rooms, and a language lab.

DANNY SPATCHEK/SPATCHEKD@LAKELAND.EDU

3OpinionsThe Lakeland CollegeM I R R O R

Issue 3, March 8, 2012

EDITORIALSThe Mirror’s staff editorial

topics are agreed upon by the editorial staff.

The editorial board collabo-rates on ideas and writes the

editorials.

All individual columns, cartoons, and letters are the opinions of the author and

do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of the editorial staff, The Mirror, or Lakeland’s administration, faculty, or

student body.

LETTERPOLICY

Lakeland’s students, faculty, and staff are welcomed to write let-

ters to the editor to express their opinions on public issues or in

response to editorials printed in The Mirror.

Letters can be typed or handwrit-ten and should not exceed 700 words. Letters must be signed

by the author. Names will not be witheld unless circumstances or

issues of safety demand it.

The Mirror reserves the right to edit all submissions for length.

Expletives will be deleted.

Submissions will be printed as space allows. They may be held for publication at a later date.

Mail:The Lakeland College Mirror

P.O. Box 359Sheboygan, WI 53082-0359

E-mail:lakelandmirror@gmail.com

Phone:(920) 565-1316

The Non-Traditional LifeMy gift to youBy Al FAirchildStaff Reporterfairchilda@lakeland.edu

StAFF EditoriAl

On the advice of the search agency it employs, the Presidential Search Com-

mittee (PSC) included open fo-rums as part of the search for Lakeland’s next president last year.

Anyone who wished to attend these forums could, and many did: the room was nearly filled to ca-pacity for each of the forums held for the three candidates.

This year, the new search agency Lakeland hired advised the PSC against holding open forums. Doing this would enlarge the pool of candidates and increase its

chances of finding the one that was right for Lakeland, the agen-cy’s representatives said.

The PSC followed the agen-cy’s advise. Chair of the PSC, Jeff Ottum, explained why they fol-lowed it in a November interview.

“A lot of people that might be interested in your position – who are typically actively employed and doing great at their current in-stitution – a lot of those people are not even going to apply for Lake-land’s job if they know you might release their names if they become finalists,” he said.

“The reason is because they don’t want to send a signal to their current institution that they’re

out looking or that they’re some-how in some way dissatisfied with their position.

“The simple point is that if we can assure candidates that their candidacy will remain confiden-tial, we’re very likely to get more, and stronger, candidates to apply for the job,” Ottum said.

While the democratic ap-proach in the first year of the search for the college’s next presi-dent gave every member of the Lakeland community who wanted to be part of the selection process the ability to be, it attracted only 47 candidates, and yielded no new president.

This year, after choosing not

to hold forums, the PSC received 86 applications – nearly double the amount as the year before. The PSC’s choice almost certainly con-tributed substantially to the spike in applications it received, and doubled the likelihood that it will find a person suitable to be Lake-land’s next president.

Even though this approach prevents everyone who might want to participate from doing so, it still gives representatives from the faculty, staff, and student body a say in the decision and, again, doubles Lakeland’s chances of finding the right person to replace retiring President Stephen Gould, a compromise worth making.

Committee’s choice not to hold forums the right one

During the nearly two years I’ve been a non-traditional student at Lakeland, I’ve

come to appreciate the assistance my traditional classmates contin-ually provide—things like show-

ing me how to use Facebook and Twitter, or how to set up a blog (http://alanfairchild.wordpress.com – hint, hint). They’ve even shown me how to manage my time just like a real college student.

So I recently began consider-ing what I might do in return, and found that coming up with such an idea is no easy task.

“How about teaching the Mirror staff how to typeset hot lead?” I thought. “Or keep their typewriters in tip-top shape?” I could do those things—once I found someplace to buy new rib-bons, and once I found a typewrit-er in the Mirror office. (Did you know that most people don’t use typewriters anymore? Go figure.)

I could always set up refresh-er sessions on the Dewey Decimal System. Well, I could do that if I could remember it myself.

Hard as I tried, I couldn’t find anything to contribute that was both useful and current. I finally

gave up and sat down in front of the tube (yes, a CRT) to watch “Leave it to Beaver” on TV Land. Suddenly, during the commercial break—shazam!—there it was . . .

The Scooter Store!You’ve seen their products:

Power chairs, mobility scooters, Hoverounds . . . Rascals! They pro-vide so many ways to get around campus that are so much fun. And they’re all so useful. Think of the possibilities if you had your own.

They have baskets. Never strap on another bag of books.

All-terrain versions are surely available. No more need to follow Lakeland’s crazy system of side-walks all over creation.

ATV tracks can handle stairs, too. The third floor of Old Main would be a snap, both up and down.

Pedestrians? No sweat. You’ll outweigh them in your Zip’r Roo.

New sporting events, like drag races from the student cen-

ter to the rotunda at Laun. And you could text all your friends to come, between classes and even while you’re racing! Right there in front of the bookstore.

Trouble getting through the maze of tables to the Daily Grind? How about a battering ram — the kind that SWAT teams use to knock down the doors of crack houses.

A new parking lot just for the scooters could be built across

County “M” where the cornfield is now. The school wouldn’t even need to build an entrance to it, just a ramp aimed towards the new bridge.

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting excited about this. The more I think about it, the more I can picture a student body on wheels. I can actually see it in my head . . .

Oh, never mind.

Need some advice?Ask the Guidance Gal

Go to www.lakelandmirror.com

look for the “contact Guidance Gal” link at the bottom of the paGe, submit your question, and she will try to help!

High speed scooter chases. And Lakeland students thought non-trads don’t have thoughtful ideas.

www.fark.com

Guidance Gal is The Mirror’s new advice columnist. She is ready to help with relationship problems, life dilemmas, and more. Guidance Gal says she has “no advanced (or even basic) degrees in psychology or any related field, but I am in full confidence confi-dence in my uncanny people skills and my tendency to digress.

4 The Lakeland CollegeM I R R O R

Issue 3, March 8, 2012Features

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Once upon a time, a stu-dent could pay his tuition at Mission House (now

Lakeland College) for only $50 per semester, and pay for his room and board with a single $100 bill. This was what the Mission House Mirror reported back in March of 1941. Times may have changed drastically since then, but the spirit of Lakeland College is still just as vibrant as it was way-back-when.

For instance, Muskies have always been both creative and fun-loving. These days, you can see this is true by strolling through the student-decorated hallways of Verhulst or pushing your way into the crowded Pub while a Funny February comedian is causing up-roarious laughter.

Reverand Paul Olm-Stoelting (class of 1943) remembers the Mis-sion House Muskie football team’s own brand of fun and creative in-genuity from a big game in the Fall of 1941. Two football players, whom he called Matt and Jeremy, were roughhousing the night be-fore the game in their dorm room. All in good fun, Jeremy smashed a beer bottle over Matt’s head. Olm-Stoelting remembers this event well because “at that time, you

just didn’t ever see two star foot-ball players quarreling.”

Olm-Stoelting recalls that the coach, a man with the last name Kregel, had to quickly come up with a way for Matt’s head to fit comfortably in his helmet now that he had a growing lump there. “He wanted both those players to play that day,” Olm-Stoelting said, affirming Coach Kregel’s determi-nation not to lose his athletes’ par-ticipation. Kregel found a piece of sponge rubber and cut it so that it would cushion the injury inside Matt’s helmet.

Joan Grosshuesch (class of 1946) recalls other mischief that she and her fellow Mission House Muskies got into. At the time, the old President’s house was being used as a co-ed dorm. Grosshuesch was living on the upper floor with her husband, who coached the men’s basketball team. According to Grosshuesch, there was a certain chair in the lounge area that was not glued together. She fondly recalls the many times when the residents put the chair together, lured a guest to sit on it, and laughed as it fell apart. Grosshuesch said that her husband, who was well aware of the popular prank, said, “Under no conditions are you ever to let one of my basketball players sit on that chair!”

Indeed, Muskies seemed to have a lot more pranks up their sleeves in the past than they do now. Reverand Harvey Kandler (class of 1955) could name quite a list of pranks that the men in Ju-bilee (the men’s dormitory) would put together when they weren’t studying.

In particular, Kandler remem-bers the complex rigs the men would make up so that a bucket of water would tip its contents onto whomever opened a particular door. According to Kandler, this prank was put together frequently but became dangerous once when the rig malfunctioned and brought the heavy bucket down on the un-suspecting victim’s head, in addi-tion to the water.

Rick Goshgarian (class of 1966) and three of his pals had a bit of their own fun. After hearing rumors of swamp monsters in the area, they decided to create their own version using some second-hand items and a two-way radio. They set up their creation by Old Main and got some interesting reactions out of passersby as they made the “swamp monster” talk by using the other walky-talky from the belfry of Old Main.

But the Muskies of old weren’t just crazy pranksters. Like today’s Lakeland Muskies, they bonded with a strong sense of community

that can only come from a group of people who have spent an enor-mous amount of time nestled be-tween the cornfields.

Today, anyone can see that Muskies easily come together through the uniting qualities of music. When the stress of school-work is low or begs for relief, stu-dents can often be found swaying to the sound of a musically-talent-ed peer playing the old upright piano in the corner of the cafeteria in Bossard.

As it turns out, this isn’t a new scene for Lakeland College. Pat Selberg (class of 1956) attend-ed Mission House when Bossard Hall was quite different from how we know it today - it was a wom-en’s dorm. But even then, Selberg

says that she and the other women made sort of a tradition of sing-ing together around the piano in Bossard Hall after dinner.

Grosshuesch remembers a strong sense of community from her days at Mission House, too. She described her interactions with the people here as “just like a big family.” Even today, she is still very close with many of her classmates, and describes them as her “foster brothers and sisters” because of how close they are, de-spite their differences.

But Muskies don’t just play together, they work together. Mark Schowalter (class of 1979) was one such hardworking Muskie. In the Spring of 1978, the college experienced far too much rain for the ground to absorb, and flooding began. Schowalter was among the many fraternity and sorority members that helped fill sandbags to protect the sanitary facilities that were behind the Campus Center at the time.

Though Lakeland College Muskies these days haven’t had to deal with flooding conditions, they still work hard. Whether it’s Habitat for Humanity or the Ac-counting Club’s programs to help low-income families, Muskies—by definition—seem to have the hearts to help. Of course, they don’t mind a little mischief now and then, either.

All these stories from alumni and more can be found by going to lake-land150.org/story, where a long list of Lakeland’s past students have shared their memories of their alma mater.

Muskies: then and nowThrough the years Muskies have fun and work hardBy Michelle FroMMStaff Reporterfrommm@lakeland.edu

lakeland150.org

1996 alum Rick Goshgarian once built a swamp monster and tried to scare students in Old Main.

The Lakeland CollegeM I R R O R

Issue 3, March 8, 20125Fun House

The problem with the Unit-ed States today comes from the freedoms we, as ordi-

nary people, receive. Back in the good old days, there was a natural order of things. The government didn’t put up with any of this tomfoolery of “representation.” The King knew what was best, and that was that. Obviously, be-ing a descendant of the ruling line, he knew what was best for us all. Everyone knows the King was chosen by God himself to rule us. Heck, the Egyptians believed the King was a deity.

Equality is overrated. Those who work hard should be re-warded? Poppycock! Those who are loyal to the King should be the

ones to collect. Isn’t the point of life to win all the popularity con-tests? Isn’t the wise choice to do what is best for you and not for others?

What is this nonsense about electing a president? The people get to decide? Half of the people out there are infidels who don’t de-serve to have their opinions heard. Why should we listen to them? Only the rich families should get to vote if we must “elect” someone. I say we just keep the one family in the White House. We saw how well this country ran under the Bush family. Shouldn’t that be how it always is?

Another drawback of this backwards country is the freedom of the press. How dare anybody question our leader – he is always right! Yet these putrid journals of

garbage that we call newspapers print everything under the sun about our leader. It’s just plain pitiful.

I long for the days of great England when the German Ha-nover Kings ruled with an iron fist and white male supremacy was abound. Obviously, we all know if someone has to lead, they better be Caucasian, and they better be a man. To even think our country is willing to allow African-Amer-icans or women to run for presi-dent is a joke! It’s a dark day when an African-American leads the free world.

I ask you, reader, to join me in my fight to renew the monarchy. End free speech and basic rights. Sell yourself back into the oppres-sion under the crown. It’s your natural place in life.

I see no reason why several more generations of this would be bad.

The American Monarchy SatireBy Brandon rookerStaff Reporterrookerb@lakeland.edu

What are you wearing? Another black T-shirt, jeans, and Ugg

boots? Leggings as pants? Clogs? OK, stop, you’re hurting me. It’s time for a fashion intervention.

You see, clothes should be more than things you just put on in the dark. They are your best shot at leaving a lasting impression. You can’t just dress like everyone else—you need to find a way to look unique all the time. It might seem hard at first, and you might get some funny looks, but, darling, that’s how fashion works.

Copy runway looks exactly. Sure, people always say to just use them for inspiration, but why? The de-signer obviously knows a lot more than you. Wild hair, crazy eye makeup, and heel-less platform sparkle boots are a perfect state-ment look. And, once you invest the thousands of dollars needed to get each piece, dressing will feel like you’re constantly in the cool-est costume party in the world, but no one else got the memo.

Wear the same thing every day. If perfectly copying runway looks is a little out of your budget, well, I pity you. But, nevertheless, this is a cheaper idea. Like Bill Cunning-ham and every cartoon character ever known, wearing one signa-ture outfit all the time is perfect for making people remember you, and will keep people talking about your outfit, even if it is just to spec-ulate why they’ve never seen you in anything but a blazer and fish tie.

Dress around themes. You can either choose themes all the time, or stick to one and arrange your whole wardrobe around it. You could go with a subculture like goth, hipster, or middle-aged bowling enthusiast. You could go with something crazy, like pirate, resplendent in your eyepatch and puffy shirt. You could also just pick a decade and go with it. The eighties are having a moment, as are the sixties. So obviously those are out. Might I recommend the early aughts? Dark lipstick and chokers are due for a comeback.

Mix patterns. This is such a hot trend right now, especially paired with the “look of now,” layering.

Most people say that in order to do this, go with two patterns in the same color in different sizes. Most people are wrong. Adding colors will make your look pop so much more. Pair rainbow stripes with pink polka dots. Mix the grandma snowflake sweater with a red plaid skirt, and add a hounds-tooth bow tie. Go crazy (which is, after all, the opposite of forgettable).

Accessorize. You cannot, and will never, be wearing too many accessories. But you can still try. Buy the strangest jewelry you can and wear all of it at once. For spe-cial occasions, wear a giant fasci-nator hat. Sequins and glitter are your best friends. Bedazzle every-thing. Make sure nothing matches. For extra effect, tape whatever is on your desk to your bag and call it a day.

If all else fails. Just wear sun-glasses at all times. Everyone will speculate whether or not you’re covering up a drug problem, which will make you even more like Kate Moss.

Stop dressing so lameBy Julia WilliamsStaff Reporterwiliamsj2@lakeland.edu

With Spring Break right around the corner, now is a great time to show someone special to you that you will miss them while on vacation. I personally created a “Unit Circle” cookie for one of my friends who is a mathematician. Have fun and enjoy the cookie!

1. Buy your favorite cookie dough mix and follow the direc-tions to make the dough.

2. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Grease your pizza pan or baking sheet.

3. Place the dough onto it and form it into a large circle (it should be about an 8-inch diameter).

4. Bake the cookie for 18 to 20 minutes. Use a toothpick to make sure the center is fully cooked.

5. Let it cool for at least 10 minutes.

6. Decorate and personalize it with icing (I generally buy it from the store in an awesome squeeze container).

7. Present it to the person you love. Enjoy!

Make Someone You Love a Unit Circle

Wear mustaches and carry dogs and try to look like Rita Skeeter and you’ll be alright, kids.

www.main.stylist.com

www.freerepublic.com

STEPHANIE REBEK/REBEKS@LAKELAND.EDU

6 Issue 3, March 8, 2012 Fun House The Lakeland CollegeM I R R O R

March 21 - April 20 June 22 - July 23Today is the day to make that commit-

ment you’ve been avoid-ing. It doesn’t matter if it is related to school, work, home, or a relationship, or if you’re still a little wor-ried about it. There is no time like the present, and today is the day you’ve been waiting for.

There will come a time this week where you will question yourself for some of the choices you’ve made. Take a deep breath. You’ll get through it.

Whether you be-lieve in her or not, Des-tiny has something big in store for you. Even if a seemingly small for-tunate act befalls you, be aware that it was no accident.

Be careful with your words and ac-cusations this week. Although you may think you are right and that someone else is perhaps not telling the truth, you don’t know for sure. A false accusation could push someone you know over the edge, and that is not something you want on your conscience.

Smiling through the hard times is one of the biggest accomplishments one can achieve. Remem-ber that this month, as there is a strong possibil-ity that something will go wrong. And keep reminding yourself that, no matter how bad things are for you, there is someone out there who has it worse.

Try to get back in touch with your childhood self this month. Remember what it was like to be a kid and believe in everything again, and try to channel that op-timism and innocence into your everyday life.

You know the old say-ing that “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.” You’re a lion, Leo, and hopefully you are be-ing mindful of that in the first half of the month. Be productive. Accomplish the things you’ve been putting off working on. You can do it.

August 23 - September 22

September 23 - October 22

October 23 - November 21

November 22 - December 21

December 22 - January 20

January 21 - February 19

February 20 - March 20Someone has recently

wounded you, be it physi-cally or emotionally, but be careful to take the higher road. Seeking revenge will not work well for anyone involved. Difficult though it may be to do so, just let it go.

If the Ides of March didn’t bring you any luck, rest assured that the rest of the month will. Irish or not, something good is coming your way on the seventeenth.

April 21- May 21

May 22 - June 21Your organization

skills are at their best this month. Don’t be afraid to take on a new project or volunteer to run an event – it will work out wonderfully. Try to avoid letting self-doubt in.

Stress is an in-tegral part of life, and though every-one tries, it cannot always be avoided. You may find your-self wanting to hole up by yourself today to deal with the stress, but it will be easier to battle if you are not on your own.

July 23 - August 22

Horoscopes aplenty

Those skeletons in your closet don’t want to stay there this month. Even though talking about them may be pain-ful, it will benefit you and everyone around you if just let them out and seek help.

By Skye SieglaffCopy Editorsieglaffs@lakeland.edu

MuskogramHint: Musko’s favorite childhood book

Ask Rynd, Fua Rynd, Eko Rynd, Mick Rynd mx Oe. Nkcnn

Sodoku, MuSkograM, and unit CirCle Cookie reCipe By Stephanie reBek

SudokuTry it ...if you dare!

7The Lakeland CollegeM I R R O R

Issue 3, March 8, 2012 Sports

The shortened NBA season has reached the half-way point. As the standings are

now, there will be a few matchups in the playoffs sure to draw a lot of national attention. Namely these three:

3. Heat vs. Celtics – The Heat are the reigning Eastern Conference Champions, and the Celtics players may be at the end of their ropes, as they are all old veter-ans. The battle between the “big three” for both teams will be a huge factor in the outcome of this series. LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh against Paul Pierce, Kevin Gar-nett, and Ray Allen will never disappoint.

2. Mavericks vs. Lakers – The Mavericks are trying to repeat as NBA Champions, and the Lakers, led by Kobe Bry-ant, are trying to win yet another championship. The Mavericks have flown under the radar this season, but the match-up between Dirk Nowitzki and Bryant would be exciting and high-scoring, to say the least.

1. Bulls vs. Knicks – The number one game to watch features the hot-test topic in the NBA this season, Jeremy Lin. The match-up between one of the NBA’s top defenses, the Chicago Bulls, against the com-bination of Carmelo Anthony, Jeremy Lin, and Amare Stoudemire would be intriguing. It also features the NBA’s reigning MVP, Derrick Rose, who is always exciting to watch and always puts on a good show.

The MVP this season will be very hard to pick. There are many very deserving

candidates: Derrick Rose, LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Love, and Tony Parker. But only these three have set themselves apart:

3. Kevin Durant – Since Durant came into the league, he has been one of the most prolific scor-ers in the NBA. He is the reigning two-time scor-

ing champion and is currently second in the NBA in scoring, with 27.9 points per game. The Oklahoma City Thunder is currently the best team in the West and is tied for the best record in the NBA, with the

Heat and Bulls, at 27-7.

2. Chris Paul – Paul is fourth and third in the league in assists (8.6) and steals (2.27) per game, respectively. He was traded at the begin-ning of the season from the New Orleans Hor-nets to the Los Angeles Clippers, and was an instant spark to the Clips. The Clippers fin-ished 32-50 last season and missed the playoffs. This season, Paul has led the Clippers to a 20-11 record – currently the third best in the West-ern Conference, and better than the record of their crosstown rivals, the Lakers. Going off of the impact he has had on his team over the first half of this season and the turnaround the Clip-pers have made, Paul would be a very likely MVP this season.

1. LeBron James – James is averaging 27.4 points per game, third in the league behind Kobe Bryant and Kevin Durant. He is put-ting up fewer shots than both Bryant and Durant and shooting 55 percent from the field, which is fifth in the league. He is also on pace to break the record for Player Efficiency Rating (PER). The PER is a rating that scores the player’s per minute productivity. The NBA all-time record is held by Hall of Famer Wilt Chamberlain, who had a PER of 31.84 in the 1962-1963 season. As of now, James has a PER of 32.42. He is doing this while playing on a team with two other superstars. Some people may see that as a reason why his numbers aren’t impressive, but I see it as more impressive. He is playing with Dwayne Wade, who is averaging 17 shots-per-game, and Chris Bosh, who also needs 14 shots-per-game to be effective. James is still able to lead his team in scoring while maintaining a high field goal percentage. Those things, coupled with the Heat being the best team in the Eastern confer-ence, is reason enough for him to be my mid-season MVP.

MVP and playoff picture previews

By Ben KoepsellStaff Reporterkoepsellb@lakeland.edu

kevindurant35.com

Lebron James, Kevin Durant, and Chris Paul. All matchups, records, and stats in this article up-to-date as of Feb. 27.

The Lakeland CollegeM I R R O R

Issue 3, March 8, 2012Sports8

Ryan Braun has been through quite a bit since he won the prestigious

National League MVP Award. His integrity was called into question. Here is an in-depth look at what happened and when it happened.

October 1, 2011: Ryan Braun is tested for performance enhancing drugs via a urine test. The Brewers are facing the Diamondbacks in the playoffs.

October 3, 2012: The drug test is sent though FedEx in a temperature-safe envi-ronment. The test is sent through FedEx two days late, because the tester, Dino Laurenzi Jr., could not send it through on a Saturday because, Dino claimed, no Fe-dEx locations were open after the samples were taken. Dino is the only person that knew who the sample belonged to. FedEx has a numbering system that removes the name on the sample, so tampering almost certainly could not have happened.

Late October 2011: Braun is notified he tested positive for elevated testos-terone. The test shows in-sanely high levels of testos-terone in his system. Braun subsequently takes a retest which showed normal levels of testosterone. However, he is already set to face a 3-man arbitration panel.

December 10, 2011: ESPN’s Out-side the Lines leaks Braun’s story of the positive test. The show mentions that Braun is facing a 50-game suspension if proven guilty of elevated testoster-one. Braun is outraged by the breach in privacy. Major League Baseball is sup-posed to remain confidential through drug investigations.

January 29, 2012: The Brewers on Deck fan fest is held, and Ryan Braun decides not to attend. The emotions of his im-pending future are far too great.

February 23, 2012: Ryan Braun becomes the first-ever player to over-turn an impending drug suspension. The panel overturns the 50-game suspension on a 2 to 1 vote. The lag time of the urine sample entry led the arbitrators to believe it was a faulty test.

February 24, 2012: Braun speaks for the first time to the public about the whirlwind past few months he has had. He thanks all those who supported him, and he seems sincere about everything he says. He is very open about what actually hap-pened.

February 28, 2012: Dino Laurenzi Jr. issues a statement saying: “At no point did I tamper with any of the samples.” He states that he has done hundreds of tests for PEDs in professional sports.

November 22, 2011: Ryan Braun is named the National League’s Most Valu-able Player with 20 out of 32 first place votes.

December 29, 2011: TMZ.com re-ports that Braun’s positive test was trig-gered by a medication for a private medical issue. Later on, ru-mors begin swirling that Braun has herpes.

Innocent until proven guiltyBy GreG HeinenAdvertising Managerheineng@lakeland.edu Timeline of

Ryan Braun

Ryan Braun speaks at a press conference after charges against him are dimissed.

www.bleacherreport.com