Special Considerations Handout
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Transcript of Special Considerations Handout
8/8/2019 Special Considerations Handout
http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/special-considerations-handout 1/5
Special Considerations for Parenting Adopted Children
_ Catholic CharitiesCHILD-AND FAMILY SERVICES
Marcy Gitt, MSW, LCSW-C
Adoption Social WorkerCenter for Family Services
2601 N. Howard Street, Suite 200 " Baltimore, MD 21218
Phone: 410-659-4050 ".Fax: 410-659-4060
Ability to acknowledge that being an adoptive parent requires a unique set of skills
Unique challenges that biological children do not bring into parenting
Normal emotional development for adoptees is not the same as non-adopted persons
Adoptees have mixed feelings about adoption
Grieving is a healthy and normal process for an adoptee on the path to forgiveness and
acceptance which adoptive parents need to encourage and share
www.adoptionlearning partners.org - "Finding the Missing Pieces: Helping Adopted Children Cope
with Grief and Loss"
Attachment Parenting
Adoption and race impact attachment through lifespan of adoptee
Truth and openness must be the foundation of parenting-reality over fantasy
www.adoptionlearningpartners.org- "journey of Attachment"
Proactive style - not "wait for child to bring it up"
www.adoptionlearningpartners.org - "Let's Talk Adoption: A Lifetime of Family
Conversations" and" Lifebooks: Creating and Telling Your Child's Story"
A network of support for parents and child is critical (adoptive families, adoption professionals)
Ability to accept that "Love alone may not be enough"
Understand increased risk of mental health and academic challenges
8/8/2019 Special Considerations Handout
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Ability to accept that "adoptism" and "racism" exist and learn the skills to handle them
Understand others may perceive adoption negatively and the media often does
Understand others may not support transracial adoption
Accept that racism and racial stereotyping are an inevitable reality
Proactive preparation for child - cannot protect the child, must prepare the child
Ability to handle intrusions when you are a conspicuous family
Accept that comments/questions are inevitable and learn what they will be
Develop a selection of responses and teach child proactively to prepare
www.adoptionlearningpartners.org- online class "Conspicuous Families"
Ability to talk comfortably about birthparents without feeling threatened
Support adoptees who decide to search and/or have ongoing contact in open adoption
Ability to be Enthusiastic and Confident
Celebrate adoption as an equally valid way to build a family and share its joys
Ability to advocate for your child and for adoption
www.adoptionlearningpartners.org -"Becoming your Child's Best Advocate: Help for Adoptive
Parents")
8/8/2019 Special Considerations Handout
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o - 3 YEARS
Ad opt ed ch il d doesnot rea liz edi ffe rence between
self and non-adopted
children.
STRATEGIES FOR
PARENTS
1. collec t as muchc on cr et e i nf or matio nas poss ible (good-bye letters frombirth parents andpictures are
helpful) .
2. Devel op "Li feBook" for child,
i nc lu di ng t hes e
concrete bits ofinformation.
3. Begin talkingcomfortably withyour inf an t, family,
and friends abo utad option.
CONTINUUM OF DEVELOPMENT OF ADOPTED CHILDREN
3 - 6 YEARS
Ch ild asks a lot ofqu es ti on s; love s tohea r hi s/ her
adopti on sto ry; can
repeat it ve rbat im,bu t has litt le
un derstandi ng of
co nce pts.
STRATEGIES FOR
PARENTS
1. Encou ragequestions and answerhonestly. Dif ficultissues may beomitted until childis older (but never
cha ng ed ) .
2. Tell Ad opt io nSt ory as a favo rit e
be dtime story.
3. Use and add toLife Book.
4. Re a ssu re ch il dtha t he/she will not
los e.ad op ti vefa mil y.
6 - 12 YEARS
Chi ld understand scon cept of ad opt ion;be gin s gr iev in g
proc ess, may stop
asking qu estions aspart of denial;
realizes that he/shehad to lose
something to beadopted.
STRATEGIES FOR
PARENTS
1. Don't force childto discuss issues,but let him/her knowyou are open andcomfortable whenhe/she is ready.
2. Let child know itis underst ood thathe/ she can love bot h
sets of parents.He/she does not havet o c ho os e.
3. Ask if child hasquesti ons orfeel ing s he/she
would like todi scuss.
4. Let child knowyo u ar e not
thr eatened or an gr yabout que sti on sre garding birt h
family and/or pasthistory.
12 - 16 YEARS
Chi ld ent ers ange rstage of grieving ;may res is t authority
and tryon new
identities; may be
angry over the lossof control in
h is/ he r l if e.
STRATEGIES FOR
PARENTS
1. Allow child toe xe rc is e c on tr olwhenever possible.Provideo pp or tun it ie s f ord ec is io n m ak in g.
2. Child has a rightto his/her birthin formation. Hel p
child access andaccept information~
3. Try to keep from
responding tochild's anger withmore anger.
Un der stand that muchof this ange r isdir ec ted at birthparent.
4. Be fi rm in limitsetting. Establishpr es et c on se qu en ce s
for broken rules.
Allow child to
experience naturalconsequences ofbehavior.
5. Co nti nue to le tch ild kno w th at yo ulove him/her nomatter wh at .
16 - 19 YEARS
Young adult may
depressed and overeact to losses;
be anxious aboutgrowing up and
l eav in g h ome .
STRATEGIES FOR
PARENTS
1. let child knohe/she may remainhome aftergraduation if he/chooses.
2. Be alert for
s ad ne ss w he nr el at io ns hi ps w it
peers fail or dur
anniversaryreactions such abirthdays or
Mother's Day.
3. Continue to kadoption topic o
within the horne.
4. Providesupportiveo pp or tun it ie s f oin dependence andfreedom.
8/8/2019 Special Considerations Handout
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Talking to your Child about Birth family
Why?
They will wonder. ..so will youDon't wait for child to ask!
Others will ask...what happened to your REAL parents?Establish right to privacy
Establish it as a "safe"subject. ..open lines of communicationTakes resolution of own feelings toward birth parents
When? Repeat, Repeat, Repeat!
Developmental Timeline1-2 Pre-understanding phase for parents to "rehearse" and desensitize3-5 Notices physical differences, pregnant women6-9 Understands birth mother as a person....grieving
Wonders about siblingsInterested in how babies are born....birth fatherFriends ask questions, adoption teasingFantasylimaginary birth parents
10-4 Denial, anger toward birth parents/racial identity15-21 Dating, Medical History, Search
How? Planned "Rituals" and Spontaneous Moments
Adoption Story - A Personalized Creation for Your Child's Own StoryBegins with birth, told at birth
Goal: Never remember being told "I'm adopted"Explains reasons (socioeconomic, political, social mores)Never uses word "abandoned"Includes happy and sad mixed feelingsMay use birth parent's namesIncorporates routine, repetition, "user friendly"All details known by adolescence
BirthdaysMother's DayAirplane Day, Arrival Day, Gotcha DayClass Assignments (Baby photo, Genetics/Family Tree)
Physrca: and Personality Characteristics - Similarities and DifferencesMoviesnvAdoption Groups, Camps, Homeland ToursAdopted Friends
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,(
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www.tapestrybooks.com
800-765-2367
Book Suggestions for Talking about Birth Family:
How I Was Adopted by Joanna Cole
Twice Upon a Time: Born and Adopted by Elanora Patterson
Filling in the Blanks: A Guided Look at Growing up Adopted by Susan Gabel
Adoption is For Always by Linda Girard
This is Me! Memories to Gather and Keep
(special inserts for various countries or domestic)
International:
When You Were Born in KoreaJChina/Vietnam
Mommy FarlMommy Near (China) by Carole Peacock
Little Miss Spider by David Kirk