SPEAK UP! · pledged to yourself that you will speak up — you become one of the ... , “Thank...
Transcript of SPEAK UP! · pledged to yourself that you will speak up — you become one of the ... , “Thank...
responding to everyday bigotry I
ABRIDGED VERSION OF THE AWARD-WINNING ANTI-BIAS GUIDERESPONDING TO EVERYDAY BIGOTRY
SPEAK UP!DEVELOPED BY TEACHING TOLERANCE · A PROJECT OF THE SOUTHERN POVERTY LAW CENTER
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SPEAK UP!
responding to everyday bigotry 1
SPEAK UP!INTRODUCTION 2
ANOTETOTHEREADER 5
RESPONDINGTOEVERYDAYBIGOTRY:10SCENARIOSWhatCanIDoAboutFamily? 6WhatCanIDoAboutImpressionableChildren? 7WhatCanIDoAboutFriendsandColleagues? 8WhatCanIDoAboutOnlineCommunications? 11WhatCanIDoAtWork? 12WhatCanIDoAtSchool? 13WhatCanIDoAboutIn-GroupBigotry? 14WhatCanIDoInPublic? 16WhatcanIDoAboutRetailRacism? 17WhatCanIDoAboutAStranger’sRemarks? 19
ACTIONSTEPSANDRESOURCES
SixStepstoSpeakingUp 21
TheSpeak Up!Pledge 23
Acknowledgments 24
Resources 25
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‘I’M NOT WEIRD’CodyDowns,30,hasDownsyndrome.Hecannotreadorwrite,buthelivesonhisown,enjoysmusicandworkedasadiscjockeyformanyyears.
Codyandhismother,KayParks,wereinthecheckoutlineatthegrocerystore.AwomaninlinebehindthemstaredatCodywithadisgustedlookonherface.
Codyturnedtohismotherandasked,“Whyisthatwomanlookingweirdatme?”
Kaylookedatthewoman,thenlookedbacktoCody.
StymiedforananswerandwantingtoprovideCodyinformationhewouldunderstand,Kaysaidtoherson,“Well,Cody,Iguessshe’slookingatyouthatwaybecauseshethinksyou’reweird.”
Codyconsideredthatforamoment.
Thenheturnedtothewomanbehindhimandsaid,“I’mnotweird.I’mareallyniceguy.”
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RESPONDING TO EVERYDAY BIGOTRYYourbrotherroutinelymakesanti-Semiticcomments.YourneighborusestheN-wordincasualconversation.Yourco-workerribsyouaboutyourItaliansurname,askingifyou’reinthemafia.Yourclassmateinsultssomethingbysaying,“That’ssogay.”
Andyoustandthere,insilence,thinking,“WhatcanIsayinresponsetothat?”Oryoulaughalong,uncomfortably.Or,frustratedorangry,youwalkawaywithoutsayinganything,thinkinglater,“Ishouldhavesaidsomething.”
Noagencyororganizationcountsortracksthesemoments.Theydon’tqualifyashatecrimes,andtheyrarelymakenews.That’spartoftheirinsidiousnature;theyhappensooftenwesimplyacceptthemaspartoflife.Leftunchecked,likelitterorweeds,theyblightthelandscape.
InthisabridgedversionofTeachingTolerance’saward-winningguidebook,wepresent10scenariosdesignedtohelpyouplanhowtorespondinthesesituations.Whilenonemaybetheexactsituationyouencounter—whetherathome,atwork,atschool,orinpublic—eachincludestipsonhowtoframearesponseinasimilarsituation.
Onceyou’repreparedtospeakup—whenyouhaveaplanandhavepledgedtoyourselfthatyouwill speakup—youbecomeoneofthevoicesseekingtoreplacebigotrywithtoleranceandunderstanding.Together,thatishowwecanchangetheworld.
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PHOT
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‘I HAD A FLIGHT RESPONSE’LeannJohnson,amultiethnicmotheroftwo,madeaKwanzaapresentationatapublicholidaygathering.Afterward,whileJohnsonwastakingdownthedisplay,awhitewomancameupandsaid,“WhenIfirstsawyou,Ididn’tknowyouwereblack.You’resosmartandpretty.”
“Ihadaflightresponse,”Johnsonsaid.“Ithought,‘Somethingbadhashappened;justleave.’”
SoJohnsonsteppedaway.
Then,shesaid,“Somethingboiledupfromdeepinside,yearsofstuff,ofhearingthosekindsofremarks.PlusIhavetwosmallchildren,twolittlegirls,mybabies,andIhavearesponsibilitytothem.”
SoJohnsonturned,wentbacktothewomanandsaid,“Idon’tknowifyouknowhowthatsounded,butthewayitsoundedtomeisthatyouthinkblackpeoplecannotbesmartorpretty.”
Thewomanstammered,startedtorationalizehercomment,thenstopped.Tearswelledinhereyesasshesaid,“Thankyousomuch.Ihavereallylearnedsomethingtoday.Ihadnoideahowthatcameout,andwhatyousaymakesmeunderstanditbetter.”
Johnsonsaidsuchmomentsarerare,butvital.
“Itissoimportanttohaveatleastonewinonceinawhile,onethankyou.Itmakesitthatmucheasiertostepoutnexttime,totakeariskandsaysomething.”
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Speak up!callsoneveryonetotakeastandagainsteverydaybigotry.
A NOTE TO THE READERInthemakingofthisbook,theSouthernPovertyLawCentergatheredhundredsofstoriesofeverydaybigotryfrompeopleacrosstheUnitedStates.Theytoldtheirstoriesthroughe-mail,personalinterviews,andatroundtablediscussionsinfourcities:Baltimore,Maryland;Columbia,SouthCarolina;Phoenix,Arizona;andVancouver,Washington.
Duetopersonalpreferenceandprivacyconcerns,wepresentthemanonymously.Racial,ethnic,andotherdescriptorsarethoseusedbythepeopletellingtheirownstories.
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WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT FAMILY?
‘IT WAS LIKE A GAME TO HIM’ µAyoungArizonawomansaysherfatheranduncleknowhowmuchsheopposesracistorhomophobic“jokes.”“I’vetoldthemthatallthetime,andtheyjustkeeptelling‘jokes’tomakememad,topushmybuttonsandgetareaction.TheyknowIhateit.ItusedtomakemesoangryI’dcryandleavethehouse.NowIjusttrynottoreact.”
µAMarylandmansharesasimilarstory:“Mycousinusedtocomevisitmewheneverhewasdoingbusinessintown.OnetimehewasoverandusedtheN-word,andIsaid,‘Idon’tusethatword,’buthestilluseditafewmoretimes.Ifinallysaid,‘Don’tusethatword.Ifyou’regoingtousethatword,I’mgoingtoaskyoutofindsomewhereelsetostay.’Itwaslikeagametohim,tousethewordtoseehowI’dreact.”
SPEAKING UP Sometimespeoplecanbepersistentlymanipulativewhenitcomestobigotedbehavior,continuing“jokes”andcommentssimplytosparkareactionfromothers.Trythefollowing:
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Describe what is happening.Definetheoffense,anddescribethepatternofbehavior.“EverytimeIcomeover,youtell‘jokes’Ifindoffensive.Whilesomepeoplemightlaughalongwithyou,Idon’t.I’veaskedyounottotellthem,butyoukeepdoingitanyway.”
Describe how you are feeling.“Iloveyousomuch,andIknowyouloveme,too.Iwonderwhyyouchoosetokeephurtingmewithyourcommentsand‘jokes.’”
Appeal to family ties.“Your‘jokes’areputtingunnecessarydistancebetweenus;Iworrythey’llendupdoingirreparableharm.Iwanttomakesurethose‘jokes’don’tdamageourrelationship.”
State values, set limits.“Youknowthatrespectandtoleranceareimportantvaluesinmylife,and,whileIunderstandthatyouhavearighttosaywhatyouwant,I’maskingyoutoshowalittlemorerespectformebynottellingthese‘jokes’whenI’maround.”
Ask for a response.“Idon’twantthisrifttogetworse,andIwantustohaveagoodrelationship.Whatshouldwedo?”
Broaden the discussion.Considerincludingsympatheticfamilymembers—andnot-so-sympatheticfamilymembers—inthediscussionsoeveryonecanworktohelpthefamilyfindcommonground.
Put it in writing.Ifspokenwordsandactionsdon’thaveaneffect,considerwritinganote,letterore-mail.Often,people“hear”thingsmoreclearlythatway.Avoidanaccusatorytoneinanywrittencommunication,andavoidname-calling.focusinsteadontheneedtohealandimprovefamilyrelationships.
WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN?
‘HOW WOULD HE FEEL?’ µAtdinner,awoman’syoungsontellsaracist“joke”heheardontheplaygroundearlierthatday.“Iimmediatelydiscussedwithhimhowinappropriateitwas.Iaskedhimtoputhimselfintheplaceofthepersoninthe‘joke.’Howwouldhefeel?Idiscussedwithhimthefeelingofempathy.”
µANewJerseywomanwrites:“MyyoungdaughterwrappedatowelaroundherheadandsaidshewantedtobeaterroristforHalloween—‘likethatmandownthestreet.’”ThemanisaSikhwhowearsaturbanforreligiousreasons.Thewomanasks,“WhatdoItellmydaughter?”
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SPEAKING UP Childrensoakupstereotypesandbigotryfrommedia,fromfamilymembers,atschool,andontheplayground.Asaparentconcernedaboutyourchild’sculturalsensitivities,considerthefollowing:
Focus on empathy. Whenachildsaysordoessomethingthatreflectsbiasesorembracesstereotypes,pointitout:“Whatmakesthat‘joke’funny?”Guidetheconversationtowardempathyandrespect:“Howdoyouthinkourneighborwouldfeelifheheardyoucallhimaterrorist?”
Expand horizons.Lookcriticallyathowyourchilddefines“normal.”Helptoexpandthedefinition:“OurneighborisaSikh,notaterrorist.Let’slearnabouthisreligion.”Createopportunitiesforchildrentospendtimewithandlearnaboutpeoplewhoaredifferentfromthemselves.
Prepare for the predictable.Everyyear,Halloweenbecomesamagnetforstereotypes.Childrenandadultsdressas“psychos”or“bums,”perpetuatingbiasedrepresentationsofpeoplewithmentalillnessorpeoplewhoarehomeless.Otherswearmaskssteepedinstereotypicalfeaturesormisrepresentations.Seekcostumesthatdon’tembracestereotypes.Havefunontheholidaywithoutturningitintoanexerciseinbigotryandbias.
Be a role model.Ifparentstreatpeopleunfairlybasedondifferences,childrenlikelywillrepeatwhattheysee.Beconsciousofyourowndealingswithothers.
WHAT CAN I DO AMONG FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES?
‘WHAT DO CHINESE PEOPLE THINK?’µAChineseAmericanwomanoftenfindsherselfaskedbyfriends,“WhatdoChinesepeoplethinkaboutthat?”
µAwhitemanplanstomarryanEastAsianAmericanwoman;hisfriendsmakeincorrectassumptionsaboutherrace,religion,andfamilybackground.“Thequestionweneverstopgettingis,‘DoCarrie’sparentsmind?’Whenwequestionthequestion,wearetoldthat‘Indianfamilies’liketheirdaughterstomarrytheir‘ownkind.’Howcanwerespond?”
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SPEAKING UP Friendsareourcomfortzones,whereweletdownourguardsandcansimplybeourselves.Casualconversationisthemainstayoftheserelationships.Butwhenbiasisinterjectedintoeverydaymomentswithfriends,relationshipscanfeelmarkedlyuncomfortable.Howthencanyoureconnect?
Approach friends as allies.Whenafriendmakesahurtfulcommentorposesanoffensivequestion,it’seasytoshutdown,putupwalls,ordisengage.Rememberthatyou’refriendswiththispersonforareason;somethingspecialbroughtyoutogether.Drawingonthatbond,explainhowthecommentoffendedyou.
Respond with silence.Whenafriendposesaquestionthatfeelshurtful,letprotractedsilencedotheworkforyou.Saynothingandwaitforthespeakertorespondwithanopen-endedquestion:“What’sup?”Thendescribethecommentfromyourpointofview.
Talk about differences.Whenwehavefriendshipsacrossculturegroups,it’snaturaltofocusonwhatwehaveincommon,ratherthanourdifferences.Yetourdifferencesmatter.Strivetoopenuptheconversation:“We’vebeenfriendsforyears,andIvalueourfriendshipverymuch.Onethingwe’veneverreallytalkedaboutismyexperienceswithracism.I’dliketodothatnow.”
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WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT ONLINE COMMUNICATION?
‘REPLY ALL’ TO BIGOTRY Manyofusreceiveunwanted“joke”e-mailsorsocialmediapostsforwardedbyfriendsorcolleagues.
Lesbiansandgaymen,transgenderpeople,Muslims,Catholics,Jews,peoplewithdisabilities,Republicans,Democrats,Independents,peopleofallracesandethnicities,blondes,redheads,andpeoplewhoareoverweightorunderweight:Thetargetsofsuch“joke”e-mailsareinnumerable.
“It’shorrible,”writesoneman,whosayshehaschangedhise-mailaddressatleastonceandnotgiventhenewaddresstothosefriendswhofrequentlyforwardsuche-mails.
SPEAKING UPPeopleoftenforwarde-mailsandpostonsocialmediaplatformswithoutcriticalthoughtaboutitscontentorthepeoplereceivingit.AndtheInternetprovidesabroadreach—withaclickofabutton,ane-mailorpostcanbesenttohundredsofpeople.Onlinebigotrycancomefrompeopleyouknow,orpeopleyoudon’t.Howcanyourespond?Trythis:
Forward no more.Stoponlinebigotryatyourcomputer.Don’tforwardit;instead,deleteit.Asimpledeletionisn’tthesameasspeakingup,ofcourse—itdoesnothingtobringattentiontotheoffense—butit’sasolidfirststepinbreakingthechain.
Reply to sender.Explainthatthecommunicationoffendedyouandasktoberemovedfromanysimilarpostore-mailinthefuture.Besuretoexplainwhy—thatyoufindbigotedlanguageoffensive,thatso-called“jokes”arenotfunnyandthatstereotypesareunfair,bigoted,andharmful.
Reply to all.Dothesamething,buthit“replyall,”sharingyourthoughtswitheveryoneonthelist.Othersmaythenfollowyourexample.Imaginethepowerfulstatementthatwouldbemadeifallrecipientsrespondedinthisway.Ifyouchoosethisoption,however,beawarethatyoumaygetnegativereplies.Youdon’thavetorespondtothereplies,butifyoudo,useathoughtful,constructivetone,seekingunderstandingnotcombativeargument.
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WHAT CAN I DO AT WORK?
‘OFF THEIR MEDS’ µAmanagerwrites:“Oneofmyemployeesconstantlymakes‘jokes’aboutpeoplebeing‘bipolar’or‘goingpostal’orbeing‘offtheirmeds.’Ihappentoknowthatoneofourotheremployees—withinearshotofthesecomments—isonmedicationfordepression.HowcanIstopthebadbehaviorwithoutrevealingproprietaryinformation?”
µ“Intheteacher’slounge,afellowteachermadeajoketotheotherstaffaboutthebandstudents,referringtothemas‘bandfags.’Asanewteacher,Ididn’tknowwhattosay.”
µAnAfrican-Americanwoman,inastaffmeetingaboutbudgetissues,hearsawhiteco-workersuggestcost-cuttingmeasuresforlandscaping:“Whydon’twejustgettheMexicanstodoit?”
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µAnItalianAmericanwoman’sco-workermakesdailycommentsaboutherheritage.“Areyouinthemafia?”“AreyourelatedtotheGodfather?”Thereareonlysixcolleaguesintheoffice,andtheItalianAmericanwomandoesn’tknowhow—orif—torespond.
SPEAKING UPCorevaluestatementsandotherpoliciessittingondustyshelvesdon’testablishanoffice’sculture;casualinteractionsdo.Whetheryou’reastaffer,amanager,oranexecutive,there’saroleforyoutoplayinsettingarespectfulandunbiasedtoneintheoffice.Considertheseactions:
Interrupt early. Workplaceculturelargelyisdeterminedbywhatisorisn’tallowedtooccur.Ifpeoplearelaxinrespondingtobigotry,thenbigotryprevails.Speakupearlyandofteninordertobuildamoreinclusiveenvironment.
Use — or establish — policies.Calluponexisting—toooftenforgottenorignored—policiestoaddressbigotedlanguageorbehavior.Workwithyourpersonneldirectororhumanresourcesdepartmenttocreatenewpoliciesandprocedures,asneeded.Alsoaskyourcompanytoprovideanti-biastraining.
Go up the ladder.Ifbehaviorpersists,takeyourcomplaintsupthemanagementladder.Findalliesinuppermanagement,andcallonthemtohelpcreateandmaintainanofficeenvironmentfreeofbiasandbigotry.
Join together.Like-mindedcolleaguesalsomayformanallianceandthenaskthecolleagueorsupervisortochangehisorhertoneorbehavior.
WHAT CAN I DO AT SCHOOL?
‘THAT IS SO GAY’µIt’sacasualinsultheardinschoolseverywhere:“That’ssogay!”
Oneteachersayswhenevershehearssuchlanguageintheclassroom,sheasks,“Whatwashomosexualaboutit?”Thensheusesthemomenttodiscusstheuseofslangandderogatoryslurs,includingracistandsexistlanguage.
SPEAKING UPTeachersandstudentsacrossthecountryreporthearingbiasedlanguageeveryday:“That’ssolame.”“Howretarded.”“That’ssoghetto.”“She’spsycho.”“He’sbipolar.”Herearesomeideastohelpstemthetide:
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Determine the extent of the problem.Asasocialscienceorclubactivity,surveystudentsaboutbiasedlanguageatschool:whattheyhearmostoften,whotheyhearitfrom,howitmakesthemfeel,andwhatthey’rewillingtodoaboutit.
Implement a “Words Hurt” campaign.Getstudents,teachers,counselors,andadministratorstosponsoranassembly,oraweek-longoryear-longeducationcampaign,aboutthedamagingeffectofhurtfulwords.
Support student mediators — and use peer pressure.Trainstudentsinconflictresolutiontechniques,andaskthemtoworkwithpeerstomarginalizetheuseofbiasedlanguage.
Teach tolerance.Whenslursareexchangedintheclassroomorteachers’lounge,interruptwhateverisbeingdiscussedandstartanewconversationonlanguage,respect,andculturalsensitivity.
WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IN-GROUP BIGOTRY?
‘YOU’RE SO WHITE’µFroma20-year-oldAfrican-AmericancollegestudentinSouthCarolina:“I’vebeencalledan‘Oreo’allmylife:‘Oh,you’reblackontheoutside,butyou’rewhiteontheinside.’Or,‘You’resowhite.’”
µSomeNativeAmericanssharestoriesofbeingaccusedofbeing“toonative”bytheirpeers,asdosomeLatinoswhosayotherLatinoshaveaccusedthemofbeing“tooethnic.”Similarly,manygaymenandlesbiansspeakaboutbeingperceivedas“toofeminine”or“toogay”byothergaysandlesbians.
SPEAKING UPWeoftenturntopeoplewithinour“groups”togetabreakfromthedailyindignitiespresentedbyracism,homophobia,orethnocentrism.Whenbigotrycomesfromthosewhobelongtoourownidentitygroups,itcanbeespeciallypainfulandconfusing.Trytheseresponses:
Affirm your pride.“I’mproudtobeAfricanAmerican,alwayshavebeen,alwayswillbe.”
Respond with questions.Challengein-groupstereotypesthesamewayyouwouldcross-groupstereotypes:“Whatdoesthatmean—‘too’ethnic?Idon’tunderstandwhatyoumean.”
Get to the root of it.Manyin-groupslightsareactuallyextensionsofracistandsexiststereotypes.Pointoutthataccusationsofbeing“toofeminine”
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or“toogay”supportandpromotemisogynyandhomophobia.Anythingthathurtsormarginalizesonememberofagrouphurtsormarginalizesallmembersofthatgroup.
WHAT CAN I DO IN PUBLIC?
‘I JUST STOOD NEXT TO HIM’µInWashingtonstate,awhitewomanisinadoctor’swaitingroomwhenshenoticesaMuslimwomanwearingahijabbeingignoredbythereceptionistatthefrontcounter.Thewomanstandsupandjoinsthewomanatthecounter:“Ijuststoodnexttoherandwouldn’tleaveuntilthereceptionistfinallyhelpedher.”
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µAnAsian-Americanmaninthegrocerystorenoticesacashiertreatinganon-English-speakingwomanbadly.Aftercheckingtoseeifthewomanwantshelp,themanconfrontsthemanager:“Thispersonspendsmoneyinyourstore,andyourstorehasaresponsibilitytorespectallpeoplelivinginthiscommunity.”
µAColoradowomanusesawheelchair.Sheisboardingaplanewithherhusbandwhentheflightattendantsays,tothehusband,“Willsheneedhelpbeingseated?”Thehusbandtoldtheflightattendanttoaskhiswife.
SPEAKING UPIt’salltoocommon:frontlineemployeeswhoareill-trainedtodealwithdiverseclientele.Mostofusdon’trelishthethoughtofcausingascene,butinterruptingbiasedcustomerservicecansendaclearmessagetotheemployees—andtoothercustomers.Whenbiasaffectscustomerservice,considerthefollowing:
Speak for yourself.Ifyou’rethetargetofrudecustomerservice,letthepersonknow:“IdeservetobetreatedwithrespectinanestablishmentwhereIspendmoney.””
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Make eye contact. Lookatotherpeoplewitnessingthisexchange.Usebodylanguagetoappealfortheirassistanceandsupport.
Step up. Don’tallowsomeonetobemistreatedwhenyouhavethepowertohelp.Don’tsticksolelyto“your”issues.Speakupagainstbigotrywhereverithappens,whoeverisinvolved.
WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT RETAIL RACISM?
‘I THOUGHT THOSE DECADES WERE GONE’µAn18-year-oldHispanicwomangoestoaFloridacraftstoretospendherbirthdaymoney.Amanagerfollowsherandasksrepeatedlywhatsheislookingfor.Othercustomers,allwhite,arebrowsingwithoutbeingaskedsuchquestions.Whensheprotests,sheisaskedtoleave.“Ithoughtthosedecadesweregone,whentheycouldthrowyououtofastorejustbecauseyou’reHispanic.”
µAwomaninIndiananoticesstoreclerksshadowingtwoteenshoppers,takingitemsoutoftheshoppers’handsandreplacingthemontheracks,thenstandingbythedressingroomdoorwhenoneoftheyoungmentriesonagarment.
µAMiddleEasternAmericanmanisshoppinginamajordepartmentstoreinIowa.Ayoungsalesclerkfollowshimcloselybutdoesn’tspeaktohim.Whenhemoves,shemoves;whenhestandsstill,shestandsstill.Themanconsidersconfrontingherbutnoticesherreturningtospeaktohermanager,anolderwhiteman.
SPEAKING UPWhenyoushop,youmaygetsomethingbesidestheitemsyouwerelookingfor:retailracism,intheformofracialorethnicprofiling;teensandotheryoungpeoplealsooftenaretargeted.Whenstoresecurityorotherpersonnelshadowyoureverymove,orwhenyouseethemtailinganothercustomer,interruptthebehavior.Trythis:
Find the source.Theclerkmaysimplybefollowingstorepolicy.Askwhytheclerkorsecurityofficerisfollowingyou(orsomeoneelse).Asktoseethewrittenpoliciesondiscrimination.Shareyourexperienceandobservationswithcompanyofficials.
Stage a personal public protest.Gotothecustomerservicedeskorcheck-outcounter.Cancelyourstorepurchaseonthespot,andsaywhyyou’redoing
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so—loudenoughforotherstohear.Askforthemanagerandtellthatpersonthestorehaslostyourbusiness.
Tell others.Letfriendsandfamilyknowwhatyouobservedorexperienced.Encouragethemtorefrainfromshoppingatastorethatpracticesracialprofilingortocontactthestoretoaskaboutsuchpoliciesandpractices.
WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT A STRANGER’S REMARKS?
‘I WAS SHOCKED’µAwhitewomanisapartment-huntingwithhermother.Theyareinarestaurant,makingfriendlyconversationwithpeopleatanothertable.Hermotheraskswhichneighborhoodsaregoodforstudents.Themanatthe
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othertablesays,“Prettymuchalloftheneighborhoodsintownarefine;wetrytokeeptheniggersandMexicansoutofthecitylimits.”
Shesays,“Iwasshockedanddidn’tknowwhattodo.Howdoyouconfrontastrangerinarestaurant?Ordoyou?I’llneverforgettheshockandangerIfeltatthatmoment.”
µAgaymaninOregonwritesaboutwalkingdownastreetthedayafteralocalGayPrideevent.Onthesidewalk,hepassesamanwhotellsafemalecompanion,loudly,“Therewerefagsallovertheplace.Ifeltlikekillingthem.”
µAlesbianwhoatthetimewasdatingatransgenderwomansharesasimilarstoryofbeingcalled“dykes”bysomeonefromacrossthestreet.Agaymantellsofroutinelybeingcalled“faggot”whilewalkingdowncitystreets.
SPEAKING UP Whenpeoplewedon’tknowdishoutbigotry,itcanleaveusatalossforwords—andchallengeoursenseofsafety.Trytakingthesesteps:
Consider your safety.Aheatedexchangewithastrangercanescalateintophysicalviolence;assessthesituationbeforeyourespond.Isthespeakerwithagroupofpeople?Isthespacedeserted?Areyoualone?Arechildrenpresent?Alwaysconsideryoursafetyandthesafetyofothersbeforeresponding.
Say nothing.Aquestioningglancemaybeaneffectiveandnon-confrontationalresponseinasituationinwhichyoufeelunsafespeakingdirectly.
Say something.Ifyouchoosetoraisetheissue,stateyourbeliefsclearly:“Ifindthatlanguageverybigoted.Itoffendsme.”Or,“Ithinkit’swrongtostereotypepeople.”
Speak to the proprietor.Iftheincidenthappensinabusiness,leave.Butbeforeyouwalkout,letthemanagersknowwhyyou’releaving:“ThemanatthetablenexttominekeptusingtheN-word.Itmademelosemyappetite.Perhapsyoushouldspeaktohimsoyoudon’tlosemorebusiness.”
Report the incident to an advocacy group.Localadvocacygroups,likegayandlesbiancentersandlocalculturalcenters,oftenkeepcheckonthepulseofacommunity.Callthem;letthemknowwhatyouheard,when,andwhere.Theymayseepatternsyoudon’tandcanworkwithlocalgovernmenttoaddressongoingconcerns.
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SIX STEPS TO SPEAKING UP AGAINST EVERYDAY BIGOTRYWhateversituationyou’rein,rememberthesesixstepstohelpyouspeakupagainsteverydaybigotry.Inanysituation,however,assessyoursafety,bothphysicalandemotional.Thereisarisk,andthatmustbeacknowledgedasyoumakeyourownchoicetospeakup.
BE READYYouknowanothermomentlikethiswillhappen,soprepareyourselfforit.Thinkofyourselfastheonewhowillspeakup.Promiseyourselfnottoremainsilent.
“Summonyourcourage,whateverittakestogetthatcourage,whereverthatsourceofcourageisforyou,”saidDr.MarshaHouston,formerchairoftheCommunicationStudiesDepartmentattheUniversityofAlabama.
Tobolsterthatcourage,havesomethingtosayinmindbeforeanincidenthappens.Open-endedquestionsoftenareagoodresponse.“Whydoyousaythat?”“Howdidyoudevelopthatbelief?”
IDENTIFY THE BEHAVIORSometimes,pointingoutthebehaviorcandidlyhelpssomeonehearwhatthey’rereallysaying:“Janice,whatIhearyousayingisthatallMuslimsareterrorists”(orwhatevertheslurhappenstobe).Or,“Janice,you’reclassifyinganentirereligiousgroupinaderogatoryway.IsthatwhatIhearyousaying?”
Whenidentifyingbehavior,however,avoidlabeling,name-calling,ortheuseofloadedterms.Describethebehavior;don’tlabeltheperson.
“Ifyourgoalistocommunicate,loadedtermsgetyounowhere,”saidDr.K.E.Supriya,anexpertintheroleofgenderandculturalidentityincommunication.
“Ifyousimplycallsomeonearacist,awallgoesup.”
APPEAL TO PRINCIPLESIfthespeakerissomeoneyouhavearelationshipwith—asister,friend,orco-worker,forexample—callontheirhigherprinciples:“Bob,I’vealwaysthoughtofyouasafair-mindedperson,soitshocksmewhenIhearyousaysomethingthatsoundssobigoted.”
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“Appealtotheirbetterinstincts,”Houstonsaid.“Rememberthatpeoplearecomplex.Whattheysayinonemomentisnotnecessarilyanindicationofeverythingtheythink.”
SET L IMITSYoucannotcontrolanotherperson,butyoucansay,“Don’ttellracistjokesinmypresenceanymore.Ifyoudo,Iwillleave.”Or,“MyworkspaceisnotaplaceIallowbigotedremarkstobemade.Ican’tcontrolwhatyousayoutsideofthisspace,buthereIaskthatyourespectmywishes.”Thenfollowthrough.
“Thepointistodrawaline,tosay,‘Idon’twantyoutousethatlanguagewhenI’maround,’”BobCarolla,spokesmanfortheNationalAlliancefortheMentallyIll.“Evenifattitudesdon’tchange,byshuttingoffbadbehavior,youarelimitingitscontagion.Fewerpeoplehearitorexperienceit.”
F IND AN ALLY/BE AN ALLYWhenfrustratedinyourowncampaignagainsteverydaybigotry,seekoutlike-mindedpeopleandaskthemtosupportyouinwhateverwaystheycan.
Anddon’tforgettoreturnthefavor:Ifyouaren’tthefirstvoicetospeakupagainsteverydaybigotry,bethenextvoice.
“Alwaysspeakup,andneverbesilencedoutoffear,”saidShaneWindmeyer,founderandcoordinatorofCampusPrideNetandtheLambda10Project.“Tobeanally,wemustleadbyexampleandinspireotherstodothesame.”
BE VIGILANTRemember:Changehappensslowly.Peoplemakesmallsteps,typically,notlargeones.Stayprepared,andkeepspeakingup.Don’trisksilence.
“There’sasenseofpersonaldisappointmentinhavingnotsaidsomethingwhenyoufeltyoushouldhave,”saidRonSchlittler,programcoordinatorattheAmericanPsychologicalAssociation;LGBTConcernOffice.
Carollaputitthisway:“Ifyoudon’tspeakup,you’resurrenderingpartofyourself.You’relettingbigotrywin.”
with that in mind, consider taking the speak up! pledge …
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THE SPEAK UP! PLEDGECommittorespondtoeverydaybiasandbigotry.Signthispledgeandplaceitinyourwallet,bookbag,deskdrawer,orpostitonyourwall.Sharepledgecardswithfriendsandfamily,classmates,co-workers,andothers,makingasmanyphotocopiesasyouneed.Postthepledgeinpublicplaces,encouragingotherstojoin.
Becausewhatwesaymatters.
I PLEDGE TO SPEAK UP!Inpledgingtorespondtoeverydaybigotry,Iwill:
µSpeakupwhenIhearorseebigotry;µQuestionandidentifybiaswhenIseeit;µBemindfulofmyownbehaviors;µPromoteandappealtohigherprinciples;µSetlimitsonwhatissaidordonearoundme;µSeekhelpandhelpotherstoworkagainstbigotry;andµRemainvigilantandpersistent.
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“Theremaybetimeswhenwearepowerlesstopreventinjustice,buttheremustneverbeatimewhenwefailtoprotest.”
—elie wiesel
Specialthankstothefollowingorganizationsandindividuals:
in baltimore, maryland AlexO.Boulton,JaneBrown,LawrenceEgbert,NancyGeyer,FrancisW.Green,StephenGreen,StanMarkowitz,JohnMorris,JacquelineRobarge,RichardA.Rowe,CharlotteWalters,andthemembersofInterfaithActionforRacialJustice
in columbia, south carolina MarionAldridge,BonitaD.Clemons,TodEwing,PerryW.James,TeresaHolland,ChristinaMcCormick,LindaMcLeod,BettieN.Toney,andthestaffandsupportersofThePalmettoProject
in phoenix, arizona Dr.N.BurtonAttico,RoryGilbert,AnnieGoldsand,LarryRobinson,JessieLeahKoppellRubenstein,R.J.Shannon,RonR.Williams,andtheNationalConferenceforCommunityandJustice,ArizonaRegion
in vancouver, washington JudiBailey,SidneyClark,LouiseDebreczeny,EarlW.Ford,GinaHoggan,LeannJohnson,DebbieNelson,KayParks,ValerieThompson,andtheCityofVancouver’sDiversityProject
experts and advocacy groups KiranAhuja(NationalAsianPacificAmericanWomen’sForum),BobCarolla(NationalAlliancefortheMentallyIll),T.C.Duong(SoutheastAsianAmericanAdvocacyInitiative),Dr.MarshaHouston(UniversityofAlabama),AngelaOh(civilrightsattorney,speaker,author),RonSchlittler(AmericanPsychologicalAssociation),Dr.K.E.Supriya,andShaneWindmeyer(CampusPrideNetandLambda10Project)
Andthehundredsofpeoplewhosharedtheirstorieswithusbye-mail,letters,phonecalls,andpersonalinterviews.
©2014SouthernPovertyLawCenter.FifthPrintingofAbridgedEdition.ThispublicationwasproducedbyTeachingTolerance,aprojectoftheSouthernPovertyLawCenter.
photo credits JGI/JamieGrill/Blend(cover);DreamPictures/Blend(page15);JedShare/KaoruShare/BlendviaGettyImages(page9);Cultura/Masterfile(page10);SamDephius/Blend(page18,insidebackcover);HillStreetStudios/Blend(backcover);allotherphotos,IbidPhotos
southern poverty law center board of directorsAlanB.Howard,ChairHenryL.Solano,ViceChairBryanFairMarshaLevickWilliamLittleJamesMcElroyLidaOrzeckEldenRosenthalJamesRuckerEllenSudowJulianBond,emeritusPatriciaClark,emeritusJosephJ.Levin,Jr.,emeritus
written by BrianWilloughby project manager WendyViaeditor LeciaBrooksdesign director RussellEstesdesigner SunnyPaulk
responding to everyday bigotry 25
RESOURCESTeachingToleranceoffersavarietyofonlineresourcesaimedatidentifyingandeliminatingracist,sexist,biased,andbigotedlanguageandimageryfromourlives.Usethelinksbeloworgototolerance.orgformoreoptions.
Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent’s Guide to Preventing & Responding to Prejudicetolerance.org/parentingThisbookisdesignedtohelpyouteachyourchildrentohonorthedifferencesinthemselvesandinothers—andtorejectprejudiceandintolerance.
Responding to Hate and Biastolerance.org/hate-and-biasThisguidehelpseducatorsrespondtohaterelatedincidentsandsteersthemthroughcrisismanagementandpost-crisiseffortsatimprovement.
Speak Up at Schooltolerance.org/speak-up-at-schoolThisguidepresentstoolstohelpstudentsandeducatorsrespondtobiasedremarksfrompeers,parentsorevenadministrators.
26 speak up!
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