Southern Exposure · ‘Okarito Beach’ - Honours‘Hanging out at Day's End’ Projected Images...

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Patron: Graham Dainty Office Bearers: President: Ian Smith Vice President: David Tose Past President: Stephanie Forrester Secretary: Liz Collett Treasurer: Debbie Main Committee Members: Phil Melgren, Rosemary McGeachie, Barbara Lee, Les Ladbrook, Val Wardell Editor: Rosemary McGeachie [email protected] Southland Photographic Society http://www.southlandphotographicsociety.com April 2017 Southern Exposure Meetings held at Age Concern Rooms in Forth Street, Invercargill at 7.30pm on the first & third Thursday of each month. Post Processing Seminar - with Les & Dave NB: $5.00 Charge please 7pm - Camera Basics Close-off: Open (2) A,B & C Grades Results: NHx(1) & PJ(1) Understanding your Histogram - Les Close-off: NHx(2) & PJ(2) Lighting for Portraiture - Eric Miller Set Subject: Special Effects Post Processing - Les & Dave: Basic Global Adjustments NB: You won’t need your camera & tripod for this session. Supper Duty for Meetings 6 April: Allison Evans, Bill Shieffelbein 20 April: Mark Phillips, Les Ladbrook 6 April 20 April We started the night with C Grade Results. There were some particularly good pics there! We followed with the Set Subject - Movement AV. It is always interesting (and motivational) to see how everyone interprets the concept. And then we had a great PowerPoint presentation on ‘Special Effects in Photography’ given by Val & Stephanie. We missed Dot, but some of her pics were there! So - a great night! Thanks to all. A long night, but a good one! We started with the results of NATEX and the Bledisloe Cup (see later in this Newsletter for details). This was followed by Objet d’Art V and then the results of A&B Open (1). This was then followed by pics from the recent Club trip to Slope Point. Kevin followed with pics from his trip, with his mother, to the Outer Hebrides last year (giving us lots of advice, both useful & extraneous!). I’m looking forward to my trip there in June. And finally, some insights into importing images into Lightroom, with both Les & Dave giving us some useful information. Well done, everyone! He who laughs last, thinks slowest. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 2 March 16 March Reminders from Ian We are looking for matted prints for the H&J Smith display on the 19 April. You may send in a digital copy of your potential print. Please note, these should be in by: 6 April (for the print itself), or the digital copy sent to: [email protected] 30 March The Set Subject for 20 April is: Special Effects So start working now!

Transcript of Southern Exposure · ‘Okarito Beach’ - Honours‘Hanging out at Day's End’ Projected Images...

Page 1: Southern Exposure · ‘Okarito Beach’ - Honours‘Hanging out at Day's End’ Projected Images ‘Vauxhall Blues’ ‘Beach Scene’ - Accepted - Merit Debbie Main ‘Coffee on

Patron: Graham Dainty

Office Bearers:

President: Ian Smith

Vice President: David Tose

Past President: Stephanie Forrester

Secretary: Liz Collett Treasurer: Debbie Main Committee Members: Phil Melgren, Rosemary McGeachie, Barbara Lee, Les Ladbrook, Val Wardell

Editor: Rosemary McGeachie

[email protected]

Southland Photographic Society http://www.southlandphotographicsociety.com

April 2017

Southern Exposure

Meetings held at Age Concern Rooms in Forth Street, Invercargill at 7.30pm on the first & third Thursday of each month. Post Processing Seminar -

with Les & Dave

NB: $5.00 Charge please

7pm - Camera Basics

Close-off: Open (2) A,B & C Grades

Results: NHx(1) & PJ(1)

Understanding your Histogram - Les

Close-off: NHx(2) & PJ(2)

Lighting for Portraiture - Eric Miller

Set Subject: Special Effects

Post Processing - Les & Dave: Basic Global Adjustments

NB: You won’t need your camera & tripod for this session.

Supper Duty for Meetings 6 April: Allison Evans, Bill Shieffelbein 20 April: Mark Phillips, Les Ladbrook

6 April

20 April

We started the night with C Grade Results. There were some particularly good pics there!

We followed with the Set Subject - Movement AV. It is always interesting (and motivational) to see how everyone interprets the concept.

And then we had a great PowerPoint presentation on ‘Special Effects in Photography’ given by Val & Stephanie. We missed Dot, but some of her pics were there!

So - a great night! Thanks to all.

A long night, but a good one! We started with the results of NATEX and the Bledisloe Cup (see later in this Newsletter for details). This was followed by Objet d’Art V and then the results of A&B Open (1). This was then followed by pics from the recent Club trip to Slope Point. Kevin followed with pics from his trip, with his mother, to the Outer Hebrides last year (giving us lots of advice, both useful & extraneous!). I’m looking forward to my trip there in June. And finally, some insights into importing images into Lightroom, with both Les & Dave giving us some useful information. Well done, everyone! He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

2 March

16 March

Reminders from Ian

We are looking for matted prints for the H&J Smith display on the 19 April. You may send in a digital copy of your potential print.

Please note, these should be in by: 6 April (for the print itself), or the digital copy sent to:

[email protected]

30 March

The Set Subject for 20 April is: Special Effects

So start working now!

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Michael Pemberton ‘Vintage 2260’ - Merit Linda Ritchie ‘Sunset on the Lindis’ - Merit Dayle Wright ‘What's The Point’ - Accepted ‘The Way Forward’ - Accepted C Grade Glenda Burford ‘Canon Man’ - Accepted ‘White Parrot’ - Accepted Allan Collett ‘Reflections’ - Accepted Liz Collett ‘Incoming storm’ - Accepted ‘Stead Street Wharf’ - Accepted David Clearwater ‘City at Dusk’ -Accepted Allison Evans “Beautifully Barron’ - Accepted Cheryl McMath ‘Reflective Photographer’ - Accepted ‘The Glen at Glencoe’ - Accepted Mark Phillips ‘Mt Cook from A20 cycleway’ - Accepted ‘Paraponter’ - Merit Anna Stewart ‘Cemmetery in the Mist’ - Accepted ‘Seed Head’ - Honours Eb Wijkstra ‘Bald Eagle’ - Accepted ‘Squirrel - Honours Prints A Grade Chris Duggan ‘Deviled Egg’ - Merit ‘The Tailrace’ - Merit Rosalie Lindsay ‘Mist Over Lake Wanaka’ - Merit ‘Okarito Beach’ - Honours

Open (1) Projected Images A Grade Annie Carmichael ‘Vauxhall Blues’ - Accepted Rosemary McGeachie ‘Beach Scene’ - Accepted ‘Riverton Beach in Winter’ - Merit Debbie Main ‘Coffee on the run’ - Honours ‘Dancing in the light’ - Honours Eric Miller ‘Girl’ - Accepted Dot Mullay ‘The band rotunda’ - Accepted ‘Tulip’ - Accepted Dave Tose ‘Contact’ - Accepted ‘Yoga Shining’ - Accepted Ian Smith ‘Rising to the Sky’ - Merit Roger Wandless ‘Secret Paradise’ - Honours Val Wardell ‘Celestial’ - Accepted ‘Colours of Summer’ - Merit Chris Watson ‘Incoming Storm’ - Merit ‘South Coast’ - Merit B Grade Sharon Cooper ‘Wading in Waihola’ - Honours Sandra King ‘Fenced In’ - Accepted Les Ladbrook ‘High_Country_Lake’ - Accepted ‘The_Passing_Storm’ - Accepted Barbara Lee ‘Safe Passage’ - Honours Rosalie Lindsay ‘Hanging out at Day's End’ - Merit

Results Rosemary McGeachie ‘Southern Coast’- Accepted ‘Doctor's Point’ - Merit Dot Mullay ‘Almost past it’ - Accepted ‘Autumn adventure’ - Honours Roger Wandless ‘Last light for the old Lady’- Accepted ‘Colac Bay Moods’ - Merit Val Wardell ‘Setting Off’ - Merit ‘Flower Fairy’- Honours B Grade Peter Aalders ‘Morrie’ - Honours Liz Collett ‘Lake Wanaka Reflections’ - Merit Stephanie Forrester ‘Ottawa Parliament Building’ - Merit ‘Shades of Winter’ - Merit Anita Hayman ‘Tom Tom’ - Merit ‘Training for the fight’ - Accepted Barbara Lee ‘Hope’ - Merit Chris Watson ‘Moody Milford’ - Merit ‘The Mafia’ - Honours Dayle Wright ‘Former Glory’ - Honours ‘Road Trip’ - Honours C Grade Mark Phillips ‘Mataura’ - Honours ‘Powerlines’ - Honours How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?

f a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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6 of the Most Essential but Underused Camera Features If you are just getting started in photography, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find these six often overlooked features in the menu of your DSLR. While each one can be used to create professional quality results, extensive experience is not required to leverage their usefulness. Best of all, there’s no need to upgrade to a high end model. These settings are now found on even the most entry-level camera bodies. With the ability to take full control of your camera, you’re more likely to get the shot right at the time of the exposure. Flash Exposure Compensat ion The pop-up flash gets a bad rap, and this is unfortunate as it’s actually a very useful tool when set properly. Out of the box, it simply provides too much light, resulting in a bright, washed-out appearance. The trick is to adjust the flash exposure compensation to a reduced output. As a starting point, bring it down to negative two (-2). This creates a soft quality of fill flash that’s immediately more pleasing. Should you need even less light, you can further reduce the flash to negative three. While it’s rarely necessary, you could even add intensity to the flash by raising it towards the positive. Just remember, effective use of flash is meant to soften, not eliminate shadows. Two Second T imer This rarely used setting can open up a whole new world of creative possibility for you. It’s typically found in the ‘drive’ menu, along with single shot, multi-shot burst mode, etc. If you’re in a place that doesn’t allow tripods, it’s still possible to take sharp photos, even with long exposure times. Select the two second timer and rest the camera on a chair, or the ground. You can use the folded camera strap to angle the camera upwards if necessary. When you press the shutter, the camera will move initially. Don’t worry; you have two seconds for it to settle down before the camera actually fires. This is also helpful for tripods that are not as stable as they should be. If you don’t have a cable release, the timer is a terrific wireless alternative.

Histogram Think of the histogram as a visual cheat-sheet for photographing bright tones. To render a subject as true white, you want the data on the right hand side to be as close to the edge of the graph (histogram) as possible. This will indicate a crisp exposure rather than a muddy, grey appearance. As you change the exposure to let in more light, the histogram will inch towards the right. Keep adjusting your settings until it’s literally just a hair from the outer wall. You are now maximizing all of the wonderful dynamic range of which your camera is capable. Once the data actually collides with the right hand wall of the histogram, you’ve technically overexposed part of your scene. This means there is no detail in the highlights, but rather a hotspot that is impossible to recover, even with sophisticated software. While this data is valuable, it doesn’t tell you exactly where the trouble spot is in your scene. This is where the ‘highlight alert’ becomes a helpful aid.

Highl ight A lert By default, many camera models have the highlight alert turned off so you’ll need to enable it in the menu. Commonly referred to as ‘the blinkies’, this feature alerts you to the precise location that’s overexposed. With this knowledge, you can make a quick adjustment to the exposure, or even change your composition to eliminate the unwanted area. That translates to more consistent

exposures with no washed-out areas. You’ll also be rewarded with less time in the digital darkroom, trying to fix problems that could have been prevented in the field. Live V iew If you’ve ever struggled to achieve autofocus at night, or desire more accuracy for macro work, Live View will be your new favourite mode. With it, you can zoom in on a tiny portion of a subject at 5x and 10x magnification. This extreme close-up gives you the ability to carefully micro-focus on whatever is most important in your scene. Just note, the enlarged view on your LCD is not representative of your lens’

effective focal length. Upon pressing the shutter, the entire scene will still be captured in sharp detail. You’ll be amazed at the level of precision possible. For the ultimate in control, use this with manual focus and a sturdy tripod. Sing le AF Point Allowing the camera to automatically choose your focus point is one of the biggest causes of blurry photos. Don’t get me wrong, you can still use autofocus, but it works most consistently when you manually set the autofocus point. Otherwise, the camera will choose incorrectly, leaving the fence post sharp and your subject out of focus. While some cameras offer clusters of focus points, a simpler approach will often work to your advantage. By placing a single active AF point on what you want sharpest, you eliminate the guess work, and your percentage of keepers will soar.

Adapted from:

http://digital-photography-school.com

Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard Lawyer: Was this a male or a female? Witness: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

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is good. But the longer the shutter speed, the more difficult it is to get the subject reasonably sharp. It’s a balancing act. As a starting point, let’s go back to the example of the sprinters running across the picture. Try anything between 1/8 and 1/60 of a second. Beyond 1/8 of a second it's really tough to get sharp, but it can be very interesting. Above 1/60 of a second, the camera will probably stop too much action and ruin the effect. Except for low-flying jets at air shows. Then you might need 1/500 second, and that brings us to our next problem.

Find the right background. The right background is almost as important as the right subject. The background must have some detail in order to produce the pleasing streaks you are looking for. That is why the jet is a bad subject for panning when it is up against a plain blue sky. Pan all you want but the sky will still be a featureless blue. Nothing will look as if it “moved.” On the other hand, backgrounds with too much contrast will often make bad backgrounds for panning. Just one person in a white T-shirt can create an unsightly white blob in your photograph. Choose carefully.

Use the viewfinder correctly. Your viewfinder is your friend when it comes to panning. The best trick is to find a focusing mark in your viewfinder and put it on your moving subject. Now, try to keep that point perfectly aligned with your subject. Crosshairs would be perfect, but we don’t have them in camera viewfinders, so we have to make do with what we’ve got.

Practice panning smoothly. Fluid, smooth motion is the name of the game. No jerking, no rushing, no hesitation. Stand with your body facing where you ideally want to shoot the picture, then rotate your shoulders to pick up your subject in the viewfinder. Start shooting before your subjects reach the ideal point; keep shooting after they pass that point. Follow through just like a good golfer. And practice. Good panning shooters literally go out and just practice their movements.

Go for the Goldilocks Effect. The combination of subject motion, panning, and shutter speed is not a precise science. Don’t be afraid to adjust to conditions.

Try. Evaluate. Retry. Experiment!

There is no right way, just infinite variables that can produce interesting results. For instance, if instead of “panning” you could rotate your camera at the same speed as the turning of the carnival Ferris wheel, you might get something cool. Now try to imagine other moving objects you can synch with. By the way, looking back, I see that I shot the

horse and carriage in Spain at 1/6

sec at f/9. (And yes, I shot a lot of

bad shots to get this one).

Adapted from: Jim Richardson www.nationalgeographic.com

NATIONAL LEVELS OF ALERT - THREATS TO EUROPE The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from ‘Miffed’ to ‘Peeved.’ Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to ‘Irritated’ or even ‘A Bit Cross.’ The English have not been ‘A Bit Cross’ since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from ‘Tiresome’ to ‘A Bloody Nuisance.’ The last time the British issued a ‘Bloody Nuisance’ warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from ‘Pissed Off’ to ‘Let's get the Bastards.’ They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from ‘Run’ to ‘Hide.’ The only two higher levels in France are ‘Collaborate’ and ‘Surrender.’ The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from ‘Shout Loudly and Excitedly’ to ‘Elaborate Military Posturing.’ Two more levels remain: ‘Ineffective Combat Operations’ and ‘Change Sides.’ The Germans have increased their alert state from ‘Disdainful Arrogance’ to ‘Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.’ They also have two higher levels: ‘Invade a Neighbour’ and ‘Lose.’ Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from ‘No worries’ to ‘She'll be right, Mate.’ Two more escalation levels remain: ‘Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!’ and ‘The barbie is cancelled.’ So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Panning—Motion 101

Panning is nothing new. It’s been around almost as long as photography itself. Originally it was forced on photographers who had no hope of capturing fast moving action without moving the camera in synch with their subjects. They simply lacked film that was fast enough to give them a fast shutter speed.

So here are a few tips to up your percentage of keepers. Panning is a percentage game. One in ten good shots is major league success. One in 100 is not out of the ordinary. But that one will be worth your trouble.

Understand the basic concept. Panning works when you move the camera in perfect motion with the subject. It’s not enough to just swing the camera from side to side. You have to move it in perfect synch with your subject.

Choose the right subject. Generally (and up to a point) it is easier to pan with a fast-moving subject than a slow one. Sprinters running sideways to you are great examples. They are moving fast enough that you can pan smoothly with their motion, and they are running in a straight line. People walking are almost impossible; they are too slow to get much blur and it’s difficult to pan smoothly. Football players are tough because they move erratically.

Use Manual Exposure or maybe Shutter Priority metering. Whichever you choose, the object is the same. You don’t want the shutter speed to change while you are shooting.

Pick a good shutter speed. This is important; however, there is no “correct” shutter speed for panning. The longer the shutter speed, the more blurred the background will be. A long shutter speed will make your subject pop out from the background, and that

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SPS: Canon PSNZ National Exhibition Results, 2017

Open Print Awards

Roger Wandless

‘Bereaved’ - Maadi Challenge Cup – Champion Mono - chrome + PSNZ Gold Medal

Open Print Acceptances

Chris Duggan

‘‘Mister Miller’

Stephanie Forrester

‘Rain Kissed’

‘Mt Ida Railway Hut’ Rosalie Lindsay ‘Okarito Beach’ Ian Smith

‘Death is Timeless’

‘Reaching Out’ Roger Wandless ‘Sealers chapel’ Open Projected Awards

Open Projected Acceptances Annie Carmichael ‘That Damned Tree II’

‘Rarangi Hues’ ‘See.. I Can Throw Higher’

Chris Duggan ‘Arabian Eyes’

Rosalie Lindsay

‘Nest Building Time’

Ian Smith

‘Waiting’

Roger Wandless

‘The ‘Old’ Pro’

‘Surgery’

Nature Print Awards

Roger Wandless ‘King Penguins Cold Harbour -South Georgia’ - Silver Medal, Wildlife

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the Charity Shop to get all her clothes back.

Nature Print Acceptances

Roger Wandless

‘Nesting Skua South Orkney

Islands’ ‘King Penguins taking to the ocean, South Georgia’

Nature Projected Acceptances

Graham Dainty

‘Frozen grasses with frost’

Rosemary McGeachie

‘Juvenile White-fronted Tern (Sterna striata)’

Roger Wandless

‘Elephant Seal and King

Penguin’ ‘Antartic Fur Seal, Arcocephalus

gazella on ice sheet’

Congratulations on your efforts.

Well done!

Cardiovascular Exercise for the over 50s. Pass to all 50 yrs and older. Cardiovascular Exercise is Important! The older we get the more important it is to incorporate exercise into our daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and maintain muscle mass. If you're over 50, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina. Warning: It may be too strenuous for some. Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program! Scroll Down. NOW SCROLL UP........... That's enough for the first day. Great job. Have a glass of Wine. Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. O'Brien was suffering from pains in his knees, so he visited the doctor. ‘You're suffering from a disease that we medical experts call ‘kneeitis’, said the doctor. ‘Take it easy for a month or so and above all don't climb any stairs. That puts a terrible strain on the knees so it does.’ A month later O'Brien returned and after a brief examination was found to have recovered completely. ‘Can I climb the stairs now Doctor?’ ‘To be sure ye can O'Brien,’ replied the Doctor. ‘Thank Heavens,’ said O'Brien , ‘I was getting a bit browned off climbing up the drainpipe every time I wanted to go to the toilet.’

Supposedly for 'secular' reasons, we can't have the Ten Commandments displayed in a Courthouse or Parliament, but the real reason is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...... It creates a hostile work environment.

Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, ‘I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.’ The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. ‘Is your bet still good?’ asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes, and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, ‘If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?’ The Irishman replies, ‘Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.’ The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage. At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nice'a, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for da 25th anniversary!' The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?' Giuseppe proudly replied, ‘ I gonna go picka her up.’ I was listening to the radio this morning when the Host invited callers to reveal the nicknames they had for their wives: The best call was from the brave chap who called his wife ‘Harvey Norman’ He explained:.......’Absolutely zero interest for 36 months’ I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance for her, so I gave her a good shove.

Bledisloe Cup This is an annual competition awarded to the PSNZ club submitting the best set of four prints, one print per club member, on any subject. All images must be photographed within New Zealand. First: North Shore Photography Club Second: Southland Photographic Society Third: Christchurch Photographic Society And thanks to the SPS Members, whose photographs were chosen. They were:

Michael Pemberton Barbara Lee Val Wardell

Chris Watson

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Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot. A short time into the flight, Paddy was told the Dublin runway was closed by ice and he was to divert to Shannon. They flew on, then as they approached Shannon airport, they looked out the front window to get a look at the runway. ‘B'jeesus,’ said Paddy ‘Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is.’ ‘You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy’ replied Shamus. ‘Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see,’ said Paddy. ‘You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy.’ replied Shamus. ‘Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse’ said Paddy. ‘Right, I'll be doing dat’ replied Shamus. ‘And den ye put de flaps down straight away’ said Paddy. ‘Right, I'll be doing dat’ replied Shamus. ‘And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can’ said Paddy. ‘Right, I'll be doing dat’ replied Shamus. ‘And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul’ said Paddy. ‘I be doing dat already’ replied Shamus. So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board. As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus ‘Dat Shannon strip has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life’. Shamus looked out the side window and replied ‘Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is’.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you.

I recently chose a new Doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?' 'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? 'I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!' Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, fishing, hiking or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said. He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of casual sex?' 'No,' I said. He looked at me, then said,...'So why do you even give a s... how long you live?'

The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest. Little Johnny at the back of the class put his hand up and asks the teacher, are you sure about the stork, miss? I think you're getting your birds mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag at the beach!!!

Do you know why politicians are like bananas? When they are elected at first they are green, then they turn yellow, and next time you look, they're rotten.’ A man and his wife moved back home to Cork, from London. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was £2000.00 a year! When they arrived in Cork, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg. The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '£39.00.' The husband was amazed and asked why it was so cheap here in Ireland to insure, because it cost him £2000.00 in England! The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: 'Any wooden structure, with an automatic sprinkler system over it, Annual Premium £39.00.'

Our Annual Photographic Workshop:-

This will be held on the 5th - 7th May 2017, at Lakeside Christian Camp, Frankton, Queenstown.

Our tutor this year will be Dave Wethey, who is based in Queenstown and has had 30 years in the newspaper industry as a chief photographer for NZ Metropolitan Works, and is currently a consultant with a comprehensive knowledge of visual journalism, digital cameras, applications, digital management and publishing. He has taught for 12 years on the post graduate Media and Communication Programme at the University of Canterbury, and has been a Judge in the 2010 Quantas Media Awards.

Dave will be running a hands-on workshop, with things to do with your images afterwards.

He will not be there on the Sunday morning, but will come down to Invercargill for a half day or evening, at a later date to check on what we have achieved with the set exercises he will set us.

Ian Smith - President

Composing Great Landscapes

When you look at landscape shots of some of the masters in digital landscape photography, you will note these have three distinct things:

A foreground. If shooting a sunset, the shot doesn’t start in the water. The beach is the foreground.

They have a middle ground. In the case of the sunset shot, this would be either the ocean reflecting the sun, or in some cases it can be the sun itself

It has a background. In the sunset case, it is the clouds and the sky.

All three elements are there, and you need all three to make a really compelling landscape shot. The next time you are out shooting, ask yourself, ‘Where is my foreground?’ (because that’s the one most new photographers forget - their shots are all middle and background). Keeping all three in mind when shooting will help you tell your story, lead the eye, and give your landscape shots more depth.

Adapted from: Scott Kelby

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says: 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.' The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.' The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.' The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.' But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the ar$ehole - and they are interchangeable' Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.