South Carolina Living October 2013

Cowboy CultureCompetitors bring the Old West to life in the Lowcountry SC Sto r i e S

Teen driving SC r eCi pe S

Pumpkin treats H u mo r m e

Appliance paranoia

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F E AT U R E 12 The Gunfight at Givhans Ferry

Join the fun as cowboy action gunslingers face off during a weekend of friendly shooting competitions and Wild West nostalgia.

Cowboy CultureCompetitors bring the Old West to life in the Lowcountry SC Sto r i e S

Teen driving SC r eCi pe S

Pumpkin treats H u mo r m e

Appliance paranoia

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4 CO - O P CO N N E C T I O NCooperative news

6 O N T H E AG E N DACheck out the sweet rides, like the 1930 Lincoln pictured, on display at the Hilton Head Island Motoring Festival. Plus: Register to win USC-Clemson football tickets, and sign up today for your co-op’s Green Power program.

P OW E R U S E RDIaLogue

10 Selling solar powerSouth Carolina’s electric cooperatives are a key partner in the effort to build the state’s largest solar power installation.

Cowboy action shooter Red River Ray, aka Harris Rummage, poses with his rifle after winning the men’s division at the 2012 Southeast Regional Championships of the Single Action Shooting Society. Photo by Mic Smith.

S C L I F EStoRIeS

19 Going the distanceHe’s still in high school, but 18-year-old William Hinson already has his dream job—professional long-drive golfer.ReCIPe

22 Treats for pumpkin eatersPumpkin muffinsPumpkin cakeDodi’s pumpkin cheesecakeAutumn morning pumpkin oatmealhuMoR Me

30 The mop is reading your emailWhen everything in your home is connected to the Internet, there’s a fine line between oikophobia and practical cyber security.

26 M A R K E T P L AC E 28 S C E V E N T S

OCtObeR 2013 • VOluMe 67, NuMbeR 10

Mic SMith

Cowboy action shooter Isom Dart, aka William Metz, competes in the 2012 Gunfight at Givhans Ferry. to learn the story behind his cowboy alias, visit SCliving.coop.

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Member of the NCM network of publications, reaching more than 7 million homes and businesses

Printed on recycled paper

THE MAGAZINE FOR COOPERATIVE MEMBERS Vol. 67 • No. 10

(ISSN 0047-486X, USPS 316-240)

Read in more than 450,000 homes and businesses and published monthly except in December by The Electric Cooperatives of South Carolina, Inc. 808 Knox Abbott Drive Cayce, SC 29033

Tel: (803) 926-3 1 75 Fax: (803) 796-6064 Email: [email protected]

Keith PhillipsaSSIStant eDItoR

Diane Veto ParhamFIeLD eDItoR

Walter AllreadPuBLICatIon CooRDInatoR

Pam MartinaRt DIReCtoR

Sharri Harris WolfgangDeSIgneR

Susan CollinsPRoDuCtIon

Andrew ChapmanWeB eDItoR

Van O’CainCoPY eDItoR

Susan Scott SoyarsContRIButoRS

Becky Billingsley, Mike Couick, Jim Dulley, Carrie B. Hirsch, Jan A. Igoe, Charles Joyner, Mark Quinn, S. Cory TannerPuBLISheR

Lou GreenaDVeRtISIng ManageRS

Tel: (800) 984-0887 Dan Covell Email: [email protected] Keegan Covell Email: [email protected] RePReSentatIon

National Country Market Tel: (800) NCM-1181

Paid advertisements are not endorsements by any electric cooperative or this publication. If you encounter a difficulty with an advertisement, inform the Editor.

aDDReSS ChangeS: Please send to your local co-op. Postmaster: Send Form 3579 to Address Change, c/o the address above.

Periodicals postage paid at Columbia, S.C., and additional mailing offices.

© CoPYRIght 2013. The Electric Cooperatives of South Carolina, Inc. No portion of South Carolina Living may be reproduced without permission of the Editor.

South CaRoLIna LIVIng is brought to you by your member-owned, taxpaying, not-for-profit electric cooperative to inform you about your cooperative, wise energy use and the faces and places that identify the Palmetto State. Electric cooperatives are South Carolina’s — and America’s — largest utility network.

On the Agenda

toP PICK FoR KIDSOCTOBER 13–20

Rock Hill Rocks Open Be among the first to witness tomorrow’s tennis stars in action at the Rock Hill Tennis Center—for free. Professional women’s tennis players from around the world compete for prize money and ranking points for positions in major tournaments. Rising American star Jamie Hampton, a RHRO veteran, and past RHRO champion Camila Giorgi (left) both thrilled their fans with outstanding performances in last month’s U.S. Open. For details, visit cityofrockhill.com or call (803) 326-3842.

OCTOBER 25–27

Championship of Champions RegattaJibing and tacking across the waters of Lake Murray, the best sailors in North America will compete in the U.S. Sailing Championship of Champions, breezing its way into South Carolina for the first time. Lightning-class boats are featured in this year’s competition, which pits 20 national champions against each other in round-robin racing over three days. Five-time Rolex Yachtswoman of the Year Betsy Alison is a special guest competitor. Stake out a viewing spot on the Lake Murray Dam, or watch the action from your boat on the water. For details, visit columbiasailingclub.org or call (803) 781-4518.

NOVEMBER 9

Native American Cherokee Trail River FestivalOnce a stop along an ancient Native American trading path, Cayce is the site for this day-long celebration of South Carolina’s rich Native American heritage at the Cayce Historical Museum & Grounds. Meet Chief Steve Silverheels, son of actor Jay Silverheels (Tonto from “The Lone Ranger”), and learn the culture and traditions of the state’s many different tribes. Dancers in regalia, drummers, musicians, flintknappers, spinners, craftspeople and storytellers will share their skills and history.For details, visit Circle of Native American History CNA on facebook.com, or call (803) 661-5612 or (803) 366-1705.

OCTOBER 25–NOVEMBER 3

Hilton Head Island Motoring Festival & Concours d’Elegance

Glamour, opulence, extravagance—those hallmarks of “The Great Gatsby” era befit the luxury cars in this

year’s festival for motoring enthusiasts, staged in a new and larger venue at the Port Royal Golf Club. Featured are a high-priced 1931 Duesenberg Model J Tourster, reminiscent of one in the recently released film, and this year’s honored marque, Porsche. A “Road to the Future” exhibit pays tribute to futuristic concept cars like the 1935 Tatra, while “Life on the Beach” has fun with dune buggies, scooters and other beachmobiles.For details, visit hhiconcours.com or call (843) 785-7469.

OCTOBER 26

Pumpkin Patch TrainMore modern-day kids have probably imagined a ride with Thomas the Tank Engine or on board the Hogwarts Express than have actually ridden aboard a real train. The Pumpkin Patch Train lets young rail fans discover the fun on a six-mile scenic ride in an old-style passenger coach or the newly restored open-air car, the “Green Giant.” Start at the South Carolina Railroad Museum in Winnsboro, stop off at a pumpkin patch to pick a pumpkin to take home, meet a friendly scarecrow, and get your face painted, then climb aboard for the return trip.For details, visit scrm.org or call (803) 712-4135.

this 1937 Delage D8-120 Aerodynamic Coupe will be on display Nov. 2–3.

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EMail COMMENTS, QUESTiONS aND STORy SUggESTiONS TO [email protected]

Get on the Green Power teamBuying green power from your co-op is an easy, inexpensive way to help South Carolina’s environmentAmerican attitudes toward the environment regularly confound experts who study consumer behavior. Consider these statistics: More than 70 percent of Americans are recycling, but fewer than 5 percent have taken “green” actions such as driving less or reducing their utility use.

In 2012, a poll conducted by Harris Interactive struck at the heart of the issue when it concluded many Americans express a healthy skepticism about whether their actions will have a real impact in the long run. Some 29 percent of respondents believe that greening their lifestyle will not make any significant difference in the environment. Another 34 percent of those surveyed said they simply “did not know what to do.”

If you’re looking for an affordable and meaningful way to go green every month, look no further than your co-op’s Green Power program.

Launched in 2001, the Green Power program is a partnership between the state’s nonprofit electric cooperatives and Santee Cooper, the

state-run utility. It allows electricity consumers to voluntarily purchase 100-kilowatt-hour blocks of elec-tricity generated entirely from renewable resources for just $3 a month. One block is approximately 10 percent of a typical household’s monthly energy use.

Green Power is an entirely voluntary program. You can join or quit at any time, just by contacting your cooperative. There’s no equipment to purchase, and there’s no disruption to your lifestyle. You can buy as many blocks as you like knowing you are doing your part to reduce our state’s carbon footprint. Even better, 100 percent of your Green Power purchase is reinvested in South Carolina renewable energy sources including landfill gas, solar and wind.

To join the Green Power team, or learn more about the program, contact your local electric cooperative or visit scgreenpower.com. —Mark quinn

Win football ticketsThere’s just one thing Gamecocks and Tigers can agree

on this time of year: Free tickets to the annual in-state

grudge match are a very good thing.

Regardless of which team you root for, visit

SCLiving.coop this month for your chance to watch

the USC-Clemson game live on Saturday, Nov. 30, at

Columbia’s Williams-Brice Stadium.

South Carolina Living and Touchstone Energy electric

cooperatives across the Palmetto State are teaming up

to award a pair of tickets to one lucky fan selected at

random in our Touchdowns with Touchstone Energy

contest. To register, visit the website and fill out the

online entry form—then start thinking about who you

want sitting beside you at kickoff.

Even if you don’t score the free tickets, you can still

walk away a guaranteed winner on game day. Look for the

Touchstone Energy booth in the Gamecock Village plaza just across from the stadium, where you can play Plinko for awe-some prizes including stadium cups, T-shirts and football rockets.

energy efficiency tipKeep wintery drafts out of your home by sealing cracks and gaps. Weather stripping around doors and windows works well when you can see daylight between the frame and the wall or floor. use caulk to seal around the frames where you see gaps. For more tips and tricks, visit togetherwesave.com. Source: togetherweSaVe.coM

ScliVing.cooP | oCtoBeR 2013 | South carolina liVing 7

On the Agenda

Cooking effiCientlyThe U.S. DeparTmenT of energy eSTimaTeS ThaT cooking alone accounts for 4 percent of total home energy use, and this figure doesn’t include the energy costs associated with refrigeration, hot-water heating and dishwashing. With holiday parties and potlucks on the horizon, keep these tips in mind to control energy costs:Don’t peek. Every time the oven door is opened, the temperature inside is reduced by as much as 25 degrees, forcing it to use more energy to get back to the proper cooking temperature. Turn it down or turn it off. For regular cooking, it’s probably not necessary to have your oven on as long—or set as high—as the recipe specifies. For recipes that need to bake for longer than an hour, pre-heating the oven isn’t necessary. Residual heat inside an electric oven will finish the last 5 to 10 minutes of baking time. Just remember to keep the oven door closed or the lid on until time is up.give your burners a break. For your stovetop to function effectively, it’s important that the metal reflectors under your electric stove burners stay free of dirt and grime. Don’t neglect your slow cooker. Or your micro-wave, toaster oven or warming plate. The average toaster oven uses about half the energy of the average electric stove over the same cooking time. give your furnace the day off. If your next party involves a lot of work for your stove, think about turning down your furnace to compensate. The heat of the oven and all those guests will keep the temperature comfortable.Source: u.S. Department of energy

ocTober 17 11:52 6:07 5:37 12:07 18 — 6:52 12 :22 6:07 19 7:37 12:52 12 :52 6:22 20 8:07 1:22 1:22 6:52 21 8:52 1:52 1:52 7:07 22 9:37 2:22 2:22 7:37 23 10:37 3:07 3:07 7:52 24 11:37 3:37 3:52 8:07 25 — 4:37 — 1:07 26 — 5:52 11:22 2:22 27 — 7:07 9:37 2:52 28 2:07 8:22 9:52 3:22 29 3:37 9:22 3:52 10:22 30 4:22 10:07 4:07 10:52 31 10:52 5:22 4:37 11:22november

1 10:31 5:01 4:16 11:01 2 11:16 5:46 4:46 11:31 3 11:46 6:31 — 5:16 4 7:31 12:16 12 :31 5:46 5 8:16 1:01 1:16 6:16 6 9:16 1:46 2:01 7:01 7 10:16 2:31 3:16 7:46 8 11:31 3:31 4:46 8:46 9 — 4:31 10:46 12:31 10 — 5:46 8:01 1:31 11 1 :16 7:16 8:46 2:01 12 2 :46 8:16 2:31 9:31 13 9:16 4:01 3:01 10:01 14 10:01 4:46 3:31 10:31 15 10:46 5:31 4:01 11:01 16 11:16 6:01 4:31 11:31

GONE FISHIN’The Vektor Fish & Game Forecast provides feeding and migration times. Major periods can bracket the peak by an hour. Minor peaks, ½ hour before and after.

am pmminor major minor major

8 SoutH caroLIna LIVIng | ocTober 2013 | ScLIVIng.coop

MATCH BOXESEach numeral in these multiplication problems stands for the letter below it. Solve the problems and write your answers in the box tops, one numeral to each box. Then match boxes to find the names of two S.C. co-ops in your answers. 5 = E

6 1 1 4 3 6 9 7D R R F K D I L

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only on SCliving.Coopfore! Professional long-drive golfer William Hinson demonstrates his winning technique for hitting a golf ball farther than you ever thought possible. You have to see this video to believe it.

cowboy up: Saddle up and mosey on over to SCLiving.coop this month to see a bonus video of the Geechee Gunfighters as they demonstrate fast, accurate—and above all, safe—competitive target-shooting techniques.

energy Q&a: You pay good money to heat your water. Conserve every drop with the right low-flow showerhead.

S.c. gardener: Composting is the all-natural way to augment your garden’s soil. Here’s how to get started.

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scliving.coop | OctOber 2013 | soUTH cARolinA living 9

Dialogue

MIKe CouICK President and CEO, The Electric Cooperatives of South Carolina

Selling solar powereLeCtRIC CooPeRatIVeS In South CaRoLIna moved forward in September with plans that will result in the largest solar installation in the state. Months ago, we were looking for ways to explore solar energy production on a large scale. We asked Santee Cooper to work with us to grow our partnership in renewable energy and to look for ways solar energy could benefit our members.

We will have that opportunity by year’s end. As member-owned, not-for-profit businesses,

electric cooperatives have focused a tremendous amount of time and energy over the last several years trying to save you, our members, money in a climate of regulatory uncertainty and increasing prices.

We designed and tested a home energy- efficiency program that qualified participants based upon their projected energy savings and then used those savings to help members repay a low-interest loan to cover the efficiency up-grades. Our approach became a national model. When it comes to looking out for our members, we put our money where our mouth is.

As we did with energy efficiency, we are applying our “measure twice, cut once” philos-ophy to solar generation. We will learn some valuable lessons about how to incorporate these resources technically and in a financially sustainable way.

The difficulty to overcome is that, today, solar costs more money than conventional generation, even in the estimation of many of its reasonable advocates and even after you factor in hefty federal and state tax incentives. The question is not whether additional costs will be paid, but by whom. If they are paid via tax incentives, all citizens pay based upon their income. If they are paid via rates (without changing rate structures), ratepayers pay according to the amount of electricity they use.

When the discussion turns to distributed generation (power produced in small amounts, often near the point of use) and intermittent power such as solar, the often-missing piece of the conversation is reliability. In your elec-tricity bill, you pay for power, but you also pay

for meters, wire, transformers, line maintenance and even unused power plant capacity that must remain on stand-by. All of these things are important for reliable electricity service, and the cost of this reliability exists regardless of whether you use any electricity. Rates are structured to collect these costs based on customers’ average use patterns. However, when customers generate their own electricity, they benefit from the power grid’s reliability, but they do not pay their share of those costs, which shift to their neighbors.

These problems are not unique to South Carolina. State regulators in Arizona, Colorado and California, where there is a lot of installed solar technology, are also grappling with these issues. Electricity providers, solar advocates and policy makers in our state would all be well-served not to ignore these difficulties and, instead, to insist on finding sustainable answers to these challenges before making big investments. Such problems do not go away on their own.

We are excited about this project because we expect the price of solar eventually to be compa-rable to conventional resources, and we agree renewables such as solar can work. Our job—our responsibility—is to figure out how to inte-grate them into the power system in a way that maintains reliability, maximizes the value to our members and prevents customers from reaching into each other’s pockets. This new installation will help us do that.

Your electric cooperatives have put our money where our mouths are. We did so with energy efficiency, and we are doing so with solar.

Financial challenges presented by renewable technologies can be solved. By creating a real-world laboratory through which our members can access those technologies, we will advance our state’s ability to create a sustainable system that allocates costs fairly, ensures reliability and promotes innovation.


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Cowboy action gunslingers face off during a weekend of

friendly shooting competitions and Wild West nostalgia

BY JAN A. IGOE

PhOtOGrAPhY BY MIc sMIth

Can you name a family sport that demands steady aim and intense concentration amid thunderous

noise? (Hint: It’s not bowling. Think leather chaps, a passion for American heritage, God and country, and lots of live ammo.) We’re talking cowboy action shooting—one of the fastest-growing shooting sports

around—and y’all are invited to join the fun.

During the Gunfight at Givhans Ferry, aka the Single Action Shooting Society’s Southeast Regional

Championships, more than 200 pistol-packin’ mamas, papas and a few young ’uns will enjoy four days

of shooting matches and social events built around Wild West themes. This year’s competition takes place Nov. 7–10 at the Palmetto Gun Club near Summerville (see “Get There,” p. 16), and spectators who want to

see what all the commotion is about are welcome to saddle up and mosey on over, just as writer

Jan Igoe did during the 2012 shoot-out.


Georgia Slick, aka Mike bisser of Marietta, Ga. (top), competes in the 2012 regional championship. Safety glasses and ear plugs—“eyes and ears” in shooter parlance—are mandatory for both competitors and spectators during matches. Speed and accuracy determine final scores, but safety is always the primary concern. Range officers (above) monitor every shot to enforce safe shooting rules.

Just uP thE rOAd A PIEcE from 21st-century Charleston, the Palmetto Gun Club in Summerville wasn’t far by car—assuming you left your horse back at the ranch—but arriving was like stepping into a bygone century where cowboy action shooters had taken over the territory. Politely, of course.

There were six-gun holsters, suspenders and Stetsons as far as the eye could see. Some of the weekend cowboys sported authentic Old West attire, others colorful B-Western duds with shiny boots and belt buckles to match. Some of the cowgirls wore walking skirts and lace-up vests, looking just as feminine as those fancy saloon gals. But don’t be fooled, these folks weren’t here just to play dress-up. Waiting their turn to compete were some of the region’s fastest shots with pistols, rifles and shotguns.

A sport with SASSFor all you greenhorns, cowboy action shooting is a competitive sport in which contestants use replica firearms similar to those used in the taming of the Old West: single-action revolvers, lever-action rifles, and side-by-side, double-barreled, pre-1899 pump or lever-action shotguns.

To enhance the cowboy theme, shooters dress in Western attire and adopt Wild West aliases that match their duds and shooting personas. Every shooter has a unique, registered handle inspired by a 19th-century character or vocation, a Hollywood western, or pure fiction. They’re important, because no one seems to know anybody else’s given name. Just because Hondo Jackson and Kid Nama might be best buds, it doesn’t mean they could pick each other’s real names off a wanted poster.

Between shooting matches, and at monthly club gatherings across South Carolina, these buckaroos and buckarettes bond over their shared love of Western nostalgia and respect for the cowboy way.

“No matter how bad you shoot, it’s the most fun you can have,” said Slippery Stew, otherwise known as Jeff Lee from Greenville, who got hooked on cowboy action through a friend, which is usually how it spreads.

The sport originated in California in the 1970s, inspired by The Wild Bunch, an epic Western about aging outlaws trying to survive as the Old West evaporated around them. The California gang quickly attracted other shooters across the country and grew into the Single Action Shooting Society (SASS), the first

Shooters gather around the scoreboard to compare results (above), but even the most serious competitors take time to enjoy the Old West nostalgia. Slippery Stew, aka Jeff lee of Greenville (left), enjoys a cigar and a bright fall day between matches.


and largest group dedicated to cowboy action shooting and good-guy ethics.

“It’s worldwide now,” Slippery Stew said. “In Japan, they don’t allow private ownership of guns, but they shoot cowboy action with BB guns.”

For Hoss Blocker, a dead ringer for the original Bonanza character, it was also love at first sight. “I watched a match one weekend and was out buying a gun on Monday,” said the North Carolina computer engineer, aka Walter Smith.

But it’s not just the shooting that keeps the sport growing. Most competitors are quick to agree that the people are the biggest draw.

“Groups have personality, just like people,” said Ridgeville Rhett, who is sometimes known as Christopher Dammer. “Cowboy action shooting attracts extroverts who love to clown around and have a good time. If you’re going to wear an outfit and have an alias, you can’t be wrapped real tight.”

Meanwhile, back at the ranch ...When the matches start, shooters line up to engage steel targets from Wild West sets in 10 outdoor shooting bays. Following the intri-cate details of the competition can be tricky. There are more than 30 different categories of shooters based on combinations of age, gender, style of weapon, shooting technique and even styles of Western clothing. My advice for first-time spectators: Don’t even try to follow who’s winning what. Just enjoy the show.

The 2012 regional competition, for example, featured shooting scenarios based on Audie Murphy movies. After he became the most- decorated American soldier in World War II and a Medal of Honor recipient, Murphy became an action hero in Hollywood westerns.

On one warm-up stage, shooters waited inside

Edisto Electric Cooperative members Mt. Zion Gypsie and Mt. Zion Yellow Boy—aka Donna and Bruce Thomas—have enjoyed cowboy action shooting for more than eight years as members of the Geechee Gunfighters shooting club. Bruce competes in the Classic Cowboy category, Donna in the Lady Duelist category.

“We like to come out here, dress up like cowboys, shoot live ammunition—and be safe doing it,” Bruce said. “We have a good time. We met a lot of nice people doing this and very much enjoy it.” For anyone interested in trying the sport, Donna recommends visiting a local club match but offers this warning: “If you come out, you’re going to be hooked.”

JOIN thE cluBInterested in learning more about cowboy action shooting? South Carolina’s SASS-affiliated shooting clubs often host open matches where newcomers can give the sport a try. For more information, contact the club nearest you, or visit sassnet.com.Belton BushwhackersContaCt: Pants A’Fire Meyer, (864) 760-9366; [email protected] gunfighters (Ridgeville)ContaCt: Doc Kemm, (843) 737-3501; [email protected] greenville gunfightersContaCt: Cowboy Junky, (864) 414-5578; [email protected] or Hondo Jackson, (864) 414-1968; [email protected] Riders (aynor)ContaCt: Saloon Keeper, (843) 361-2277 hurricane-riders.comPalmetto Posse (Lexington)ContaCt: Dun Gamblin’, (803) 422-5587; [email protected]

Savannah River Rangers (Columbia)ContaCt: Surly Dave, (803) 892-2812; [email protected] or Kid Ray, (803) 960-3907; [email protected]

Vendors at the gunfight offer everything from Western duds to shooting accessories. White Wolf Woman, aka retired sociology professor Anna Allen, is a former competitive shooter who now travels the country selling handmade hats, lace jabots and Western finery at SASS events.

cOwBOY ActION shOOtING

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a mock outhouse with their rifle and shotgun nearby. Their hands had to be flat on the prop table with their pistols holstered as they recited their cue to start the action: “Man, it’s kind of rank in here.”

The next thing you heard—the instant after the official timer beeped—was the rapid ping-ping-ping-ping of bullets striking steel as shooters knocked down four targets with a shotgun and four more with a rifle, successively sweeping each target from one side to the other, back down and up again, like playing scales on a piano. Moving to the pistol position, they swept the next series of targets twice, but this time moving in the same direction. The best shooters in the 2012 competition often cleared stages like this by “shooting clean”—hitting every target—in just 15 to 20 seconds.

While shooters are scored on speed and accuracy, safety is paramount in cowboy action shooting. If you want to be disqualified faster than a speeding bullet, just do something careless with your gun. Range officers shadowed the competi-tors, timing them and monitoring every shot. “Make rifle safe … Make shotgun safe” was the constant refrain whenever the shooting stopped.

Love on the rangeTyler Taylor fired her first shot from an M-16 during Army basic training. Almost 30 years later, she found herself checking out cowboy action shooting at the regional championships. A couple of years after that, she was winning titles. In 2012, she was the Ladies B-Western overall champion.

Like most members of SASS, Taylor leads a double life. Neighbors know her as the mild-mannered mother of 22-year-old identical triplets. On weekdays, she’s just another senior systems analyst trudging off to work in the city like Clark Kent. But on weekends, Tyler sheds her go-to-meeting garb for frontier finery, donning a walking skirt, high-buttoned gambler’s blouse and cowboy boots. Add a holster and a feathered hat and you’ve got Shamrock Sadie. ll

“ Cowboy action shooting attracts extroverts who love to clown around and have a good time. If you’re going to wear an outfit and have an alias, you can’t be wrapped real tight.”

each SASS-affiliated shooting club has a distinctive badge that can be traded with other shooters, used to decorate a competitor’s gun and ammo cart or worn with Western attire. Island Girl, aka lhanie Acilo from troutman, N.C. (above), sports several badges and her 2002 World Championship belt buckle.

Shamrock Sadie, aka tyler taylor of Charleston, is a member of the Geechee Gunfighters and competes in the ladies b-Western category. She’s also a founder of the Doily Gang (doilygang.com), a posse of cowgirl shooters who seek to bring more women into the sport.

When Taylor first got curious about the sport, she called Dun Gamblin’, a match director with the Lexington-area Palmetto Posse shooting club, to ask who could teach her to shoot.

Gamblin’ contacted Knot Hardly Dunn, with whom Taylor had spoken only once, and “asked him if he wouldn’t mind driving 60 miles to teach me how to shoot,” Taylor said.

He wasn’t a bad choice. Knot Hardly Dunn, aka Paul Taylor, worked for a police department for 30 years, spending 18 of them as the director of firearms training. Gamblin’ and Dunn met her at a range for a quick lesson on shooting cowboy action guns.

“They sent me home with a holster rig, pistols, a rifle and a ’97 shotgun, so I could dry-fire practice. My first match was just two weeks later,” Taylor said. Well, one match led to another, and Knot Hardly and Shamrock got hitched within a year.

Lots of couples shoot together. No spouse can resist watching the other have so much fun. Former flight attendant Sixgun Sallie, aka Sallie Nelson, met her husband, Dingo Dave (retired pilot Dave Nelson) on a 707 in 1980.

“I watched him shoot for six months. That was it,” Sallie said. “We learned together. Now we travel all over the country in a camper. These are good people. Everyone pulls for everyone else.”

Preparing for a big match, Sallie practices four times a week, both dry and live fire. That must work, because the North Carolina resident became the 2012 Overall Southeastern Regional Lady Champion, earning the right to compete in the world championships in Albuquerque.

The cowboy wayTo encourage other shooters of the female persuasion, Shamrock Sadie helped form the Doily Gang. Becoming a member is easy. You just have to help out at matches and share cowboy action shooting knowledge and tips with other lady shooters. Being competitive in matches is fine, but never at the cost of friendliness.

“Other shooting sports are not like this,” said Abe E.S. Corpus, aka Weyman Carter from Greenville. “There’s an attitude of camaraderie. In this sport, the top shooter is the first to help somebody new. People you hardly know will lend you stuff to get started. It’s the cowboy way.”

GetThereThe Gunfight at Givhans Ferry is sponsored by the Geechee Gunfighters and will be held at the Palmetto Gun Club, 951 Summers Drive in Ridgeville, Nov. 7–10.

Spectators are welcome. Match director Doc Kemm, aka Eric Kemmerer, recommends coming for the regular competition matches starting at 9 a.m. on Friday and Saturday and the shoot-offs between the top male and female competitors on Sunday.

Admission is free, but all spectators must wear appropriate hearing and eye protection.

“While we will have disposable ear protection and a limited number of safety glasses, spectators are encouraged to bring their own if they have them,” Kemmerer said. “Most eye- or sunglasses are sufficient eye protection for spectators, as they will not be that close to the firing line.”

In addition to shooting matches, the weekend event also includes shooting clinics, an awards dinner, a costume contest for registered competitors, a salute to veterans and even cowboy church on Sunday. For more information and the full schedule of events, visit givhansferry.homestead.com.

Web extra video Can’t make it to the gunfight this year? See what cowboy action shooting is all

about at SCliving.coop, where we’ve posted a video from a shooting match organized by the Geechee Gunfighters.

cOwBOY ActION shOOtING

On the final day of the Gunfight at Givhans Ferry, the top 16 cowboys and the top eight cowgirls compete in side-by-side shoot-offs to determine who will represent the region in the national championships. two-time state champ bulls Head bill, aka bill butson of Rock Hill (above), walks away smiling from his early match against an equally skilled competitor.

Sixgun Sallie, aka Sallie Nelson of Mocksville, N.C., poses with her pistols after claiming the top honors in the 2012 women’s division.


SCORE two tickets to the South Carolina–Clemson Football GameSaturday, November 30, 2013

SCORE two tickets to the South Carolina–Clemson Football GameSaturday, November 30, 2013

with

with

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One winner will receive two tickets to the South Carolina/Clemson game.

Touchdown 13 w-Touchstone 8.625x11.125_Layout 1 8/26/13 11:39 AM Page 1

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William Hinsonage: 18oCCuPatIon: Professional long-drive golfer; blythewood High School seniorLongeSt DRIVe In CoMPetItIon: 406 yardsFaVoRIte MuSIC to hIt BY: Shinedown. the band’s energetic sound gets his adrenaline pumping.Co-oP ConneCtIon: Proud parents edward and Jennifer Hinson are Fairfield electric Cooperative members.

Going the distanceHe’s not out of high school yet, but 18-year-old William Hinson already has his ideal job.

Since 2012, Hinson has been a rising star on the Long Drivers of America tour, a series of professional competitions some call “the home run derby of golf.” Matches are set to rock music, and players have just two minutes and 45 seconds to hit six balls as far as they can. The longest in-bounds drive wins.

“I guess the best way to describe it is I’m living the dream,” Hinson says modestly. “I get to do what I love every day.”

A championship win and three top-eight finishes in his first six months of competition earned Hinson a sponsorship from Callaway Golf and a coveted spot on the company’s X-Hot Long Drive Team. This month, he’ll make his second appearance at the RE/MAX World Long Drive Championship, and he will be featured in a Golf Channel miniseries leading up to the Oct. 30 live broadcast of the final round.

Juggling the demands of school and a professional golf career doesn’t seem to stress Hinson one bit. After he graduates from Blythewood High, Hinson plans to continue competing while he attends college (“Carolina would be ideal,” says the avid Gamecocks fan). He’s undecided on a major, but his ultimate career field will come as no surprise.

“I’d really like to do something in the golf industry,” he says. “I like working with people on their swing. I like building golf clubs. I like telling people about golf clubs. And I certainly enjoy hitting golf balls.”

Web extra video Visit SCliving.coop this month to see

William Hinson in action. For more informa-tion on Hinson’s career and the World Long Drive Championship broadcast schedule, visit williamhinson59.com and longdrivers.com.


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Look for Our November Travel Section!

Look for Our November Travel Section!


The Swamp is CallingPristine... Untouched... Wild...

www.beidlerforest.com

1000-yr.-old Cypress trees andnative wildlife abound.

Nature Center and gift shop.$1.00 Off Adult Admission w/coupon

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Follow “BEIDLER FOREST” signs.

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or call 800-984-1543


Recipe EDITED BY CArrIE HIrsCH

TreaTs for pumpkin eaters

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PuMPKIN MuFFINSMakeS 36 MuFFinS

1 cup canola oil 3 cups granulated sugar 6 eggs 1 cup orange juice 1 30-ounce can

pumpkin puree 1 tablespoon vanilla

extract 6 cups unbleached

all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking

powder

1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon nutmeg 4 teaspoons cinnamon ½ teaspoon ground

cloves 2 cups chocolate chips 1 ½ cups walnuts or

pecans, chopped ½ cup granulated sugar 1 teaspoon cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In large bowl, mix together oil, sugar, eggs, orange juice, pumpkin and vanilla extract. In another large bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, salt, nutmeg, 4 teaspoons cinnamon and cloves. Mix dry ingredients into pumpkin mixture in stages, stirring well after each addition. Stir in chocolate chips and nuts. In a small bowl, stir together sugar and 1 teaspoon cinnamon to make topping. Use an ice cream scoop to place batter into three 12-cup-capacity muffin tins lined with baking cups. Sprinkle tops with cinnamon-sugar mixture. Bake muffins for 25–35 minutes. Cool on rack, then remove from tins to complete cooling. Serve alone, with cream cheese, or with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup.gaye reck, BluFFton

W h AT Õ S C o o k i n g i n SCRecipe

Turn your original recipes into cash!For each one of your recipes we publish, we’ll send you a $10 bI-lO gift card.Send us your original recipes—appetizers, salads, main courses, side dishes, desserts and beverages—almost anything goes. Be sure to specify ingredient measurements. Instead of “one can” or “two packages,” specify “one 12-ounce can” or “two 8-ounce packages.” Note the number of servings or yield. Entries must be original, and they must include your name, mailing address and phone number.

SuBMIt • online at SCliving.coop • email to [email protected] • mail to Recipe, 808 Knox Abbott Drive, Cayce, SC 29033

MaRCh: Can-do pastaPenne, farfalle, ravioli, fettuccine—the many styles of pasta are as versatile as the recipes they star in. Tell us about the flavorful pasta dishes—hot or cold—you create featuring this economical kitchen staple. DeaDLIne: JanuaRY 1


DODI’S PuMPKIN CHeeSeCAKeSerVeS 10–12

Crust 1¾ cups graham cracker crumbs 5–6 tablespoons melted

unsalted butter 1 teaspoon cinnamon 3 tablespoons light or dark

brown sugar

Filling 3 8-ounce packages cream

cheese, softened to room temperature

1 ½ cups plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar

4 eggs 1 15-ounce can pumpkin

puree ¼ cup all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons pumpkin spice 2 tablespoons rum extract 1 cup heavy cream

Toasted sliced almonds for garnish

Preheat oven 325 degrees. In a medium bowl, mix together crust ingredients. Grease 9-inch springform pan, then press crust mixture onto bottom and up sides of pan. In a large bowl, using a stand mixer or hand mixer, beat cream cheese until fluffy. Gradually add 1½ cups sugar and eggs, one at a time, to cream cheese mixture. Gradually add pumpkin puree, flour, pumpkin spice and rum extract. Pour filling into prepared crust and bake for 1 hour and 45 minutes or until center is firm. As it bakes, the surface may crack and rise significantly, but then will fall again later in the baking process. Cool on wire rack.Cover and chill cheesecake several hours or overnight. When ready to serve, whip heavy cream with remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar in a chilled bowl (add a small amount of rum and vanilla extracts, if you like). Top center of cheesecake with whipped cream and garnish with toasted almonds. dodi eSchenBach, hilton head iSland

deB

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PuMPKIN CAKeSerVeS 12

2 cups granulated sugar 1 15-ounce can pumpkin puree 1 cup vegetable oil 4 eggs, beaten 2 cups self-rising flour 2 tablespoons ground

cinnamon ½ cup flaked coconut 1 cup pecans, chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, mix all ingredients together. Pour into greased 13-by-9-by-2-inch pan, then bake for 30 minutes or until a knife comes out clean.Stella Payne, wayneSVille

AutuMN MORNING PuMPKIN OAtMeAlSerVeS 1–2

½ cup rolled oats½ cup water1 tablespoon whey, yogurt or

lemon juice½ cup water¼ teaspoon salt½ cup pumpkin puree1 teaspoon pumpkin spice¼ cup walnuts1 teaspoon honeyPat of butter

Prepare oats the night before by soaking them with ½ cup water and whey, yogurt or lemon juice in a small bowl overnight, or for 10–12 hours, in a warm place. The next morning, in a small pot, bring ½ cup water and salt to a boil. Add soaked oats, pumpkin puree and pumpkin spice; reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 3 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and let sit for 3 more minutes, then add walnuts, honey and butter. JaMie green, newBerry

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UPSTATEoCtoBeR18–19 • “carnival of the Animals,” David W. Reid Theatre at Chapman Cultural Center, Spartanburg. (864) 583-0339.18–19 • Art’Oberfest, multiple venues, Abbeville. (864) 366-4600.18–20 • Oktoberfest, Sertoma Field, Walhalla. (864) 638-2727.18–20 • “A Lion in Winter,” Oconee Community Theatre, Seneca. (864) 882-1910.18–31 • Upper S.c. State fair, 3800 Calhoun Memorial Hwy., Greenville. (864) 269-0852.19 • Storytelling festival, Hagood Mill Historic Site & Folklife Center, Pickens. (864) 898-5964.19 • March for the MAcK, McCormick Arts Council at the Keturah, McCormick. (864) 852-3216.20–24 • Starburst Storytellers’ festival, Anderson County Library, Anderson. (864) 260-4500.26 • Tales of Union county, Rose Hill Plantation State Historic Site, Union. (864) 427-5966.26 • Strut your Mutt, Visitors Center and Art Gallery, Gaffney. (864) 487-6244.26 • Art on the Trail, downtown, Travelers Rest. (864) 607-6233.26–27 • Palmetto Pro Birder class, Lake Conestee Nature Park, Greenville. (803) 256-0670.

noVeMBeR1 • Historic Hayride & Ghost Walk, Cherokee County History & Arts Museum, Gaffney. (864) 489-3988.1–3 • Open Studios, Metropolitan Arts Council, Greenville. (864) 467-3132.2 • “Stories of Mystery” with the foothills Philharmonic, J. Harley Bonds Career Center, Greer. (864) 268-8743.2 • Zombie OUT Run, Heritage Park, Simpsonville. (864) 239-3720.4 • WWe RAW, BI-LO Center, Greenville. (864) 250-4899.8–17 • “Dial ‘M’ for Murder,” Spartanburg Little Theatre, Spartanburg. (864) 585-8278.9 • Hub city empty Bowls, Chapman Cultural Center, Spartanburg. (864) 621-2768.9 • Music on the Mountain, Table Rock State Park, Pickens. (864) 878-9813.9 • Gowensville fall festival, Gowensville Community Center, Campobello. (864) 468-4545.

9 • Wheels, Wings and Running Things Run/Walk for colon cancer, Spartanburg Downtown Airport, Spartanburg. (864) 583-5155.14 • Pendleton Place Benefit Breakfast, TD Convention Center, Greenville. (864) 467-4905.15 • Skating on the Square, Morgan Square, Spartanburg. (864) 562-4059.

ongoIngMondays • Ballroom and Popular Dance classes, Chapman Cultural Center, Spartanburg. (864) 583-0339.Mondays through Saturdays, nov. 1–Dec. 21 • Holiday Art Sale, The Arts Center, Clemson. (864) 633-5051.Tuesdays through Saturdays through nov. 14 • connecting concept & Medium: fiber Art in South carolina, Pickens County Museum of Art & History, Pickens. (864) 898-5963.Saturdays through november • Hub city farmer’s Market, Magnolia Street Train Station, Spartanburg. (864) 585-0905.Third Saturdays • Milling Day, Hagood Mill Historic Site & Folklife Center, 138 Hagood Mill Rd., Pickens. (864) 898-2936.Sundays through nov. 30 • Hawk Watch, Caesar’s Head State Park, Cleveland. (864) 836-6115.

MIDLANDSoCtoBeR9–20 • South carolina State fair, S.C. State Fairgrounds, Columbia. (803) 799-3387, ext. 10.17–26 • Western carolina State fair, Aiken Fairgrounds, Aiken. (803) 648-8955.18 • Brian Sanders’ JUnK Presents Patio Plastico Plus, Harbison Theatre at Midlands Technical College, Irmo. (803) 407-5011.18 • education Day, Living History Park, North Augusta. (803) 279-7560.18–19 • Model Ts to Olar festival, downtown, Olar. (803) 300-4116.18–19 • francis Marion Symposium: francis Marion and the Southern campaign, DuBose Campus/Central Carolina Technical College, Manning. (803) 478-2645.18–30 • Boo at the Zoo, Riverbanks Zoo and Garden, Columbia. (803) 779-8717.19 • Spirits & Stories: Brattonsville by Twilight, Historic Brattonsville, McConnells. (803) 684-2327.19 • Lake carolina’s Wine & food festival, Village Green at Lake Carolina, Columbia. (803) 461-0915.

19–20 • colonial Times: A Day to Remember, Living History Park, North Augusta. (803) 279-7560.19 and 26 • Tricks and Treats, South Carolina State Museum, Columbia. (803) 898-4921.20 • Buddy Walk, Sesquicentennial State Park, Columbia. (803) 252-0914.24–26 • Ridge Spring Harvest festival, Town Square or Civic Center, Ridge Spring. (803) 685-5511.24–27 • U.S. Sailing championship of champions Regatta, Columbia Sailing Club, Columbia. (803) 261-3391.25 • Wine and Spirits Dinner, Living History Park, North Augusta. (803) 279-7560.26 • Pumpkin Patch Train, S.C. Railroad Museum, Winnsboro. (803) 635-4242.26 • Writing for Publication Symposium, Columbia Convention Center, Columbia. (252) 764-3241.26 • Sumter Sunrise Rotary 5K, Centennial Plaza, Sumter. (803) 983-1536.26 • Haunted farm, Kings Mountain State Park Living History Farm, Blacksburg. (803) 222-3209.26 • All Hallowed eve Ghost Walk & illusion Show, Living History Park, North Augusta. (803) 279-7560.26 • Old Town Zombie crawl 5K/ fun Run & Zombie Survivor Party, Old Town Market area, Rock Hill. (803) 524-5671.26–27 • civil War Reenactment, Historic Brattonsville, McConnells. (803) 684-2327.30–Nov. 2 • festiVeLO at Santee, Santee State Park, Santee. (803) 854-2408.

noVeMBeR1 • Shelly Waters Band, The 145 Club, Winnsboro. (843) 762-9125.1 • Pig on the Ridge BBQ cook Off, Dogwood Avenue, Ridgeway. (803) 337-2213.2 • Succulent Sedum Wreaths, Riverbanks Zoo and Garden, Columbia. (803) 779-8717.2–3 • Revolutionary War field Days, Historic Camden Revolutionary War Site, Camden. (803) 432-9841.2–3 and 9–10 • Ride the Steam Train, S.C. Railroad Museum, Winnsboro. (803) 712-4135.8–10 • craftsmen’s christmas classic Arts and crafts festival, South Carolina State Fairgrounds, Columbia. (336) 282-5550.9 • native American cherokee River Walk festival, Cayce Historical Museum & Grounds, Cayce. (803) 568-4698.9 • chili cook-Off, Five Points, Columbia. (803) 748-7373.9 • Blues festival, Memorial Park, Columbia. (803) 545-3100.

10 • A World of Dance, Harbison Theatre at Midlands Technical College, Irmo. (803) 400-3540.12 • images of the Polar Regions, Birds & Butterflies, Aiken. (803) 649-7999.

ongoIngDaily, by appointment • Overnights and night Howls, Riverbanks Zoo and Garden, Columbia. (803) 779-8717, ext. 1113.Second Tuesdays • family night $1 Admission, EdVenture Children’s Museum, Columbia. (803) 779-3100.first Thursdays • Art crawl and Streetfest, Main Street, Columbia. (803) 988-1065.first fridays • Meet the Artists, The Village Artists, Columbia. (803) 699-8886.Second Saturdays • children’s Art Program, Sumter County Gallery of Art, Sumter. (803) 775-0543. Second Saturdays • experience edgefield: Living History Saturdays, Town Square, Edgefield. (803) 637-4010.

LOWCOUNTRYoCtoBeR1–31 • Boone Hall corn Maze, 1235 Long Point Rd., Mount Pleasant. (843) 884-4371.13–20 • Historic Bluffton Arts & Seafood festival, historic district, Bluffton. (843) 757-2583. 17–19 • cruisin’ the Beach, Broadway at the Beach, Myrtle Beach. (423) 465-5855.19 • Wine fest, Valor Park, Myrtle Beach. (843) 712-2618.19 • Wooden Boat Show, historic waterfront, Georgetown. (877) 285-3888.19 • Dogtoberfest, Freshfield Village, Johns Island. (843) 768-3875.19–20 • Mini Marathon, multiple venues, Myrtle Beach. (305) 254-8606.19 • Bog-Off festival, downtown, Loris. (843) 756-6030.19 • chris Mann in concert with the Long Bay Symphony, 3302 Grissom Parkway, Myrtle Beach. (843) 448-8379.

20 • children’s Day festival, Park West Recreation Complex, Mount Pleasant. (843) 884-8517.22 • Taste of the Town, Myrtle Beach Convention Center, Myrtle Beach. (843) 448-6062.23–26 • imaginATiOn, Honey Horn Plantation, Hilton Head Island. (843) 301-0670.25 • Banks and Shane, Arts Center of Coastal Carolina, Hilton Head Island. (843) 301-0670.25–27 • fall festival of House & Gardens, multiple venues, Beaufort. (843) 379-3331.25–Nov. 3 • Motoring festival & concours d’elegance, The Westin Savannah Harbor Golf Resort & Spa and Port Royal Golf Club, Savannah, Ga., and Hilton Head Island. (770) 649-0880, ext. 302.26 • “novel” Wine Tasting and inaugural Literary festival, September Oaks Vineyard/Winery, Ridgeland. (843) 597-0912.26 • endless Summer festival, Main Street, North Myrtle Beach. (843) 361-3045.26 • Truck Rodeo, Darlington Raceway, Darlington. (843) 687-4681.26 • Bluegrass festival, Point of Pines Plantation, Edisto Island. (843) 869-3867.26 • Hospice care of the Lowcountry Show and Sale, St. Francis by the Sea Catholic Church, Hilton Head Island. (843) 681-8407.26–27 • Train Show & Sale, Lakewood Conference Center, Myrtle Beach. (843) 293-4386.27 • Shucking for Seniors, Bowens Island Restaurant, Charleston. (843) 225-2715.31–Nov. 10 • coastal carolina fair, Exchange Park, Ladson. (843) 572-3161.

noVeMBeR2 • charleston Symphony Orchestra League Tour of Homes, Kiawah and Seabrook Islands. (843) 762-2182.2 • Historic Homes & Sites Tour, multiple sites, Upper Dorchester County. (843) 563-2298.2 • Harvest fest, Mullet Hall Equestrian Center, Johns Island County Park. (843) 795-4386.

Calendar of EventsPlease confirm information before attending events. For entry guidelines, go to SCLiving.coop.

upper Dorchester County’s historic sites tour on Nov. 2 includes the Klauber building in St. George, an early mercantile store (circa 1894) that now houses a museum and visitor center.

2 • South carolina Pecan festival, downtown, Florence. (843) 665-2047.2–3 • Pauwau of the Waccamaw indian People, 591 Bluewater Rd., Aynor. (843) 358-6877.2–3 • Art in the Park, Chapin Park, Myrtle Beach. (843) 446-3830.3 • The German Romantic Spirit, Myrtle Beach High School Music & Arts Center, Myrtle Beach. (843) 448-8379.8–9 • Speed and feed BBQ cook Off and car Show, Darlington Raceway, Darlington. (843) 667-9720.8–10 • Oyster festival, Shelter Cove Park, Hilton Head Island. (843) 681-7273.8–Dec. 31 • Holiday festival of Lights, James Island County Park, Charleston. (843) 795-4386.9 • The color Run 5K, Broadway at the Beach, Myrtle Beach. (855) 662-6567.9 • Lowcountry Hoedown, 375 Meeting St., Charleston. (843) 412-6122.9 • Pee Dee Artisan’s Market, Florence Civic Center, Florence. (843) 676-0705.9–10 • Art in the Park, Market Common, Myrtle Beach. (843) 446-3830.10 • carolina Beach Music Awards, The Alabama Theatre, North Myrtle Beach. (800) 342-2262.14 • The Legendary Giveback ii with the Avett Brothers, North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston. (212) 229-2294.14–17 • Dickens christmas Show & festivals, Myrtle Beach Convention Center, Myrtle Beach. (800) 261-5991.15–17 • charleston’s Holiday Market, North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston. (336) 282-5550.15–17 • Kiawah island Motoring Retreat, Kiawah Island Club’s River Course, Kiawah Island. (843) 768-3875.

ongoIngDaily through Oct. 27 • Preservation Society of charleston fall Tours, multiple venues, Charleston. (843) 722-4630.Daily through Oct. 30 • Redux contemporary Art center exhibit, North Charleston City Gallery, North Charleston. (843) 740-5854.Mondays • free Blues concert, Med Bistro, Charleston. (843) 762-9125.Tuesdays and Saturdays • Shag Lessons, Beach Music & Shag Preservation Society Clubhouse, Charleston. (843) 814-0101.Wednesdays through Oct. 30 • Shelter cove Park farmers Market, Shelter Cove Community Park, Hilton Head Island. (843) 681-7273.Wednesdays through Oct. 31 • coastal Birding, Huntington Beach State Park, Murrells Inlet. (843) 235-8755.


In the InteReSt oF FuLL DISCLoSuRe, let me confess that my relationship with household appliances has never been particularly close, except for the blender. None of the others have a clue what to do with pineapple and rum.

Generally speak-ing, I try not to interact with any cleaning devices, so they’ve got no reason to turn on me. Well, perhaps the vacuum had a legitimate gripe when some hungry participants in my daughter’s neuro-science project amputated its power cord. She parked two rats on a no-carb diet next to the vacuum, and after a couple of cookie-free days, that cord must have looked mighty tasty. We don’t think the sucker ever forgave us.

Some dark night, the vacuum will regenerate and attack, swallowing sleeping family members into a spinning vortex of dust mites and pet hair, never to be seen again. When the police come to question witnesses, the mop will swear it didn’t see a thing.

There’s a name for fear of stuff around the house that sounds better than just plain “nuts.” If you’re sure the garbage disposal plans to chomp on your foot and the microwave will inevitably explode, you may have oiko-phobia. But what was once paranoid thinking seems pretty reasonable now.

Welcome to 1984. Your dishwasher could be working for the CIA. And the fridge is in on it. Now that everything

is connected to the Internet, spies don’t have to bug your Twinkies to get more intel on you than Santa Claus has.

They see you when you’re sleeping. They know when you’re awake. They

know if you’ve been bad or good, so if you rob banks, don’t count the cash in front of your smart TV, for goodness sake. That webcam works both ways.

According to sources that specialize in more stuff to worry about, hackers can check your living room to see who is home, so they can schedule a visit when you’re not. From coffeemakers to clothes dryers, any appliance that reports problems online can also report on you. Pretty soon, LifeLock will be selling plans to protect your identity from your toaster.

That’s why it’s important to create strong passwords for everything that contain at least two Egyptian hieroglyphics, six nonsequential numerals, one diphthong, three alge-braic symbols and the square root of your mother’s bra size. You’ll never remember them, but it might slow

the hackers down, unless they know your mom.

I don’t even try to remember pass-words anymore. I just go straight to the box of shame on every login page that says: “I’ve forgotten my user

name and my password because I am an idiot.” The invisible Web deity in the sky will add me to his black book of dumb people (oh, wait, I’m already there) and grant me the right to create another password to forget.

For my family’s security, I’ve given up cooking and cleaning. If I go out, I’ll prop a few pillows under a

blanket on the sofa, so the TV will think somebody’s home. (In eighth grade, that strategy worked fairly well on my parents.)

Food-wise, pizza seemed like the most cyber-secure bet until I placed my order. The stranger on the phone knew all about my intimate relation-ship with thin crust, sundried tomatoes and artichoke hearts. She already knew my address. And she has my credit card on file, whoever she is.

There’s only one thing to do. Would you mind waiting for the pizza while I consult the blender?

Jan a. Igoe is a writer from the Grand Strand who is ready to duct tape her webcam and move to a cave as soon as she finds one with an outlet for the blender. Share your malicious appliance woes at [email protected].

SChumorMe BY JAn A. IgoE

The mop is reading your email


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South Carolina Living October 2013

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