S.O.S. For Relationships

Carla Daniels

HMG Consultants

Ice Breaker

• Everyone gets some hearts when they first walk in.

• They then take a few minutes to give them to whoever they please

• Once their hearts are gone, they go back to their seats.

Purpose of Ice Breaker

• Think about who you gave your heart to and why?

• Did you talk to the person before you gave your heart away?

• Is this how you act in your relationships?

Introduction

• S.O.S. (System of Success) for Relationships is a guide to building better relationships by removing obstacles that keep people from having, giving and getting the best love possible. These tips and techniques can be applied to any type of relationship - friendship, romantic, familial, etc.

Related Theories

• System of Success for Relationships helps participants devise a system or plan on how to identify negative behaviors in relationships and replace them with positive ones. They will examine themselves, their mates and their relationships utilizing several theories relating to relationship building:

Theories cont.• The Johari Window of disclosure

Open

Hidden

Blind

Unknown

Known to Self Not Known to Self

Known to Others

Not Known to Others

Theories cont.

• Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu four steps to relationships – Selection– Romance– Problems– Commitment

Theories cont.

• Phases of Change– Endings– Neutral Zone– New Beginnings

The Foundation

• Honesty up front allows both people involved to make open and honest decisions concerning the relationship or starting a relationship. If you build a relationship on a falsehood, it’s like the Biblical parable of the man who built his house on sand. The first storm that comes along will tear your relationship down because the foundation is not solid.

The Foundation cont.

• The truth is solid ground and can weather any storm. It may hurt or be painful if you are rejected because of the truth, however in the long run you will have weeded out people that don’t belong in your life.

The Foundation cont.

• Love yourself first – Do you love yourself? – If not, how can you love someone

else? • Be careful when a naked person offers

you a shirt (African saying)

– Would I date me?• If you wouldn’t date yourself, why would

you expect someone else to?

The Foundation cont.

• Be real with yourself– Get the junk out of your life– Who are you and what do you want,

FOR REAL– Get rid of negativity in your life– Break bad habits in your life and in

your relationships– Think positively about yourself and

your relationships

Structure

• Disclosure– Johari Window of Disclosure

• johariwindowmodeldiagram.pdf– What to tell– What not to tell– Getting to know you games/exercises

» The book of Questions: Love and Sex» Scruples» The “If” books

Structure

• Talk, Talk, Talk, or Q & A– Ask questions

• Don’t interrogate the person• Set an agreed upon time to just talk and

ask each other questions.• Be real, open and honest.

– If you are not ready to talk about an issue, say so and why. Set a time when you will be ready to discuss that topic.

Structure

• Talk, Talk, Talk, or Q & A (cont.)• Don’t abuse or judge

– A person’s past is their past. Don’t pass judgment on them if they have turned their life around.

– Use the force for good» Don’t collect information to use against

the person later. That is dirty dealing and will comeback to haunt you.

Structure

• Bait and Switch– If you start out doing something to

get him/her, you have to continue it to keep them.

• Opening doors• Paying for things• Sex

– In order to be fair to you and the person, let them know up front, what you are working with especially financially and sexually.

Structure

• Bait and Switch (cont.)– Talk about what your intentions are

from the beginning • Will it go any further?• Is this someone you can wake up next to

for the rest of your life?• If you take sex out of the picture, can

you talk to this person?

Structure

• Level of Investment – How much time and effort are you

investing in the relationship?• A few hours a day, week, or month• Dedicated time with the other person

that is “their time?”• Is it reciprocated?

– Low investment + low return = low/no growth– High investment + high return = healthy

growth

Structure

• Motion– Are you going around in circles with

your relationships? – Are you learning from mistakes and

moving forward and upward?– If not, why?

• Stop pretending• Live your life• Never give up• Open your magical kitchen

Structure

• Grocery shopping– How do you shop for groceries/food?

• What do you get first– Snacks– Veggies– Meat– Boxed goods– Canned goods

• What do you get the most of and why?• If you eat foods full of empty calories is

your life much different?

Microwave vs. The Slow Cooker

• Microwave– Frozen– Pre-processed– Mass-produced– Unknown quality

of ingredients– No blending of

flavors– Quick to heat up

and cool off

• Slow Cooker– Fresh– From scratch– Individually

prepared– Hand picked– Blending of

flavors– Takes time to

heat up and heat lasts for a while

Microwave vs. The Slow Cooker

• Microwave– When are we

going to get to the good part (sex)

– I want to get married before I turn _______

– My clock is ticking and I need to do this right away.

• Slow Cooker– Let’s wait. I want

to know you– I want to marry

the right person for me, no matter how long it takes

– When the time is right it will happen

Finishing Touches

• The beginning– Know when to say when?

• After you have cried, begged, pleaded, compromised and embarrassed yourself, you have to know when to say when.

– Applause• This is the beginning of your new

relationships, well armed with tools and resources that will keep you focused and help you give and get the best love possible.

Recap

• Lay a solid foundation– Love yourself first– Be real about who you are– Know what you want– Get yourself a theme song.

• Mine is The God In Me by Mary Mary. A theme song is what gets you hyped up when you are having a moment and you just can’t get it together but when you play your theme song, you have to get hyped up.

Recap

• Build a solid structure– Ask questions– Answer questions– Invest in your relationship and expect a

return on that investment– When shopping, don’t use your eyes, use

your ears, heart, mind, intuition and common sense

– Use good solid materials (don’t bait and switch or over use the microwave)

– Be conscious of what you put in your basket (life)

Recap

• Finishing touches– Treat yourself right– Your shell should reflect who you are

on the inside not what you see on TV– Know that your inner beauty shines

brighter when you lead with it– Give yourself applause because you

are your best cheerleader.

Evaluation

• I am looking for personal testimonials/experiences about your relationship successes and failures.

• www.hmgconsultants.com/reallove.html

• Facebook: Carla Daniels

• Any questions or comments?