Soc200 workshop5indstudy

SOC200SOC200Marriage and FamilyMarriage and Family

WORKSHOP 5WORKSHOP 5““Communication, Conflict and Communication, Conflict and

Divorce”Divorce”Instructor: Glenn JohnsonInstructor: Glenn Johnson

DEVOTIONS & PRAYERDEVOTIONS & PRAYER

I urge you to live a life worthy I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have of the calling you have

received. received. Be completely humble and Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. with one another in love.

Make every effort to keep the Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the unity of the Spirit through the

bond of peace. bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3, NIVEphesians 4:1-3, NIV

COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIESFAMILIES

We are Created For We are Created For CommunityCommunity

““basis for the word: basis for the word: COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION””


The Cyclical Communication The Cyclical Communication Process:Process:

Communicator Receiver


6 SOURCES OF CONFLICT IN 6 SOURCES OF CONFLICT IN MARRIAGEMARRIAGE1.Behavior

2.Cognitions and Perceptions3.Value Differences4.Inconsistent Rules

5.Leadership Ambiguity6.Job Stress

COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN & CONFLICT IN

FAMILIESFAMILIES

3 STYLES OF 3 STYLES OF CONFLICT CONFLICT BEHAVIORBEHAVIOR

Complementary

Symmetrical

Parallel

COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIESCOMMUNICATION & CONFLICT IN FAMILIES

2 Strategies to 2 Strategies to Resolving ConflictResolving Conflict

1. Zero Sum Game1. Zero Sum Game

2.2. Mixed MotiveMixed Motive

Which of these are Which of these are most beneficial?most beneficial?

EMOTIONAL EMOTIONAL WOUNDEDNESSWOUNDEDNESS

-In Community -In Community SystemsSystems-Negative Experiences -Negative Experiences

Inform Child’s IdentityInform Child’s Identity-Degrees of -Degrees of

WoundednessWoundedness-Affects Across the -Affects Across the

Life SpanLife Span-We Can Only Act -We Can Only Act Insofar As We FeelInsofar As We Feel

-KEY: The other -KEY: The other person is not to blame person is not to blame

for how I feelfor how I feel

5 Patters of Conflict Management Behavior5 Patters of Conflict Management Behavior1.1. AvoidanceAvoidance

2.2. AccomodationAccomodation3.3. CompetitionCompetition4.4. CompromiseCompromise5.5. CollaborationCollaboration

JESUS: Exhibited all JESUS: Exhibited all 5 Behaviors5 Behaviors

Some More Constructive AdviceSome More Constructive Advice

Identify the issueIdentify the issue Choose the right time and placeChoose the right time and place

Begin with a positive strokeBegin with a positive stroke Express anger without abusing the Express anger without abusing the

otherother Avoid trianglingAvoid triangling

NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE AND HOW TO DIVORCE AND HOW TO

PREVENT ITPREVENT IT

Almost Everything is Almost Everything is Disposable!Disposable!

God hates God hates divorcedivorce…not …not divorced people.divorced people.


PREVENT ITPREVENT IT

Marked by GRIEFMarked by GRIEF

US has one of highest US has one of highest divorce rates in the divorce rates in the

worldworld


PREVENT ITPREVENT ITWallerstein and KellyWallerstein and Kelly

Followed 60 Families Followed 60 Families with 131 Children for with 131 Children for

25 Years25 Years


PREVENT ITPREVENT ITWallerstein: Effects on Wallerstein: Effects on

SocietySociety

-171 Cities over 100,000-171 Cities over 100,000-Divorce rate predicted -Divorce rate predicted

robbery raterobbery rate-More likely to be -More likely to be

delinquentdelinquent-More likely to abuse -More likely to abuse

substancessubstances



EducationEducation

-Young children feared -Young children feared abandonmentabandonment

-Lower preschool -Lower preschool readinessreadiness

-Of graduates, only 65% -Of graduates, only 65% from divorced families from divorced families

went on to college vs. 85 went on to college vs. 85 %%



Family EconomyFamily Economy

-Almost immediate -Almost immediate financial consequencesfinancial consequences

-More significant for -More significant for women than menwomen than men


PREVENT ITPREVENT ITWallerstein: Effects on Wallerstein: Effects on Personal Well-BeingPersonal Well-Being

-Children suffer from -Children suffer from loneliness, fear, worry, loneliness, fear, worry, guilt, sadness, despair, guilt, sadness, despair,

depressiondepression-Half entered adulthood -Half entered adulthood

this waythis way-Greater risks to physical -Greater risks to physical

healthhealth



Parent-Child Relationships, Parent-Child Relationships, Conflict & Social ConfidenceConflict & Social Confidence

-Parents: Partially -Parents: Partially “divorce” children too“divorce” children too-Mothers can become -Mothers can become

emotionally dependent on emotionally dependent on childrenchildren

-Non-custodial parents are -Non-custodial parents are less likely to have close less likely to have close relationships to childrenrelationships to children

3 Divorced Father 3 Divorced Father StereotypesStereotypes

DISNEYLAND DADDISNEYLAND DAD


DEADBEAT DADDEADBEAT DAD


DISAPPEARING DADDISAPPEARING DAD

PREVENTING DIVORCEPREVENTING DIVORCEPREVENTING DIVORCEPREVENTING DIVORCE

-Commit to the marriage-Have correct expectations

-Get outside help when it is necessary-Count the cost of divorce before giving up

-Know that to choose divorce will greatly disappoint God

-Remember God’s goal for one’s life (not necessarily happiness)

-Learn to honor one’s spouse above oneself-Prevention is best done prior to marriage: by

premarital counseling-Married and feeling trapped? Consider ramifications of

divorce for both partners and children. Seek help.-Marriage requires patience, some work and practice

and strong commitment.

10 PRINCIPLES OF GROWING 10 PRINCIPLES OF GROWING RELATIONSHIPS & HOLISTIC HEALTH RELATIONSHIPS & HOLISTIC HEALTH

CHECKUPCHECKUP

10 PRINCIPLES OF GROWING 10 PRINCIPLES OF GROWING RELATIONSHIPS (handout)RELATIONSHIPS (handout)

HOLISTIC HEALTH CHECKUPHOLISTIC HEALTH CHECKUP1.1. Rate yourself (2-3 min.)Rate yourself (2-3 min.)

2.2. Come Up With Major Points/Plan (7-8 Come Up With Major Points/Plan (7-8 min)min)

3.3. Discuss Your Points/Plan With Each Discuss Your Points/Plan With Each Other: Other: What is the best way to What is the best way to achieve overall, holistic health?achieve overall, holistic health?

SUMMARY & WRAP UPSUMMARY & WRAP UP-We’ve discussed transitions families go through, the -We’ve discussed transitions families go through, the

difficulties experienced and the problems families difficulties experienced and the problems families encounterencounter

-We’ve discussed how we select mates and how two -We’ve discussed how we select mates and how two become one in marriage and have looked at ways in become one in marriage and have looked at ways in

how we can make our marriage a good onehow we can make our marriage a good one-We’ve studied challenges and joys children bring to the -We’ve studied challenges and joys children bring to the

marriage and how to be good parentsmarriage and how to be good parents -We’ve also looked at the general life stage transitions in -We’ve also looked at the general life stage transitions in

the middle and later years of life and why and how the middle and later years of life and why and how families change and respond to stressfamilies change and respond to stress

Finally we’ve looked at communication and conflict and Finally we’ve looked at communication and conflict and resolving them in families and the consequences of resolving them in families and the consequences of

divorcedivorce

SUMMARY & WRAP UPSUMMARY & WRAP UPDEFRAIN’S PROPOSITIONS FROM A STRENGTH DEFRAIN’S PROPOSITIONS FROM A STRENGTH

PERSPECTIVEPERSPECTIVE All families possess strengthAll families possess strength

If all you look for in families are problems, that’s all If all you look for in families are problems, that’s all you’ll findyou’ll find

Strengths, not weaknesses, help us solve problemsStrengths, not weaknesses, help us solve problems Family structure is not as important as functionFamily structure is not as important as function

Strong marriage is essential to strong familyStrong marriage is essential to strong family Strong families produce strong kids who create their Strong families produce strong kids who create their

own strong familiesown strong families Periods of crisis can tear apart or be catalysts for Periods of crisis can tear apart or be catalysts for

growthgrowth Strong families work together to overcome problemsStrong families work together to overcome problems

Every family is a culture unto itselfEvery family is a culture unto itself Strong families are not perfectStrong families are not perfect

Families have strong emotional connections and Families have strong emotional connections and sense of belongingness to each other.sense of belongingness to each other.

SUMMARY & WRAP UPSUMMARY & WRAP UP

STRONG FAMILES TAKE:STRONG FAMILES TAKE:-Commitment-Commitment

-Appreciation and Affection-Appreciation and Affection-Positive Communication-Positive Communication

-Time Together-Time Together-Spiritual Well Being-Spiritual Well Being

-Ability to Cope With Stress and -Ability to Cope With Stress and CrisisCrisis

Soc200 workshop5indstudy

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