Skylines: Showcase script by Suhayla El BushraThree short plays were performed at Write Lines, a conference on new writing for young audiences held by Theatre Centre on June 20 2013. The three plays performed were selected from submissions made by writers who had taken part in Theatre Centre’s Skylines programme.

Sehr Cool

By Suhayla El Bushra

For ages 13+

Suhayla El Bushra is a Brighton-based screenwriter and playwright. Her play Pigeons will be staged at The Royal Court this June, while her play Cuckoo will be produced at The Unicorn in January 2014. Previous theatre work includes contributing to The Bush Theatre’s 66 Books, and a reading at the National Theatre Studio. She was mentored by Christopher Hampton on the prestigious Guiding Lights scheme, and is developing a feature length screenplay. She regularly writes for Hollyoaks.

Sehr Cool (for ages 13+): Two teenagers from opposite sides of the tracks get lost in the woods after a disastrous party. Tempers fray and insults are hurled, but an unlikely friend-ship is waiting to blossom - if only they’d let it.

Characters:

Clem (16) – Public schoolboy, very posh.

Kelly (16) – Comprehensive schoolgirl, over-dressed and out of

place.

2

Scene One. Woods.

Clem and Kelly walk through the woods.

They’re lost.

Clem staggers a little, drunk. He wears a

sheepskin lined bomber jacket.

Kelly is wearing a cheap shiny dress and a

small cardigan. She’s cold.

They stop by a tree. There is a pair of y-fronts

hanging from one of its branches.

CLEM: She’s sehr cool. Fierce rapper. Really tight lyrical flow, you know?

He walks a few steps away from Kelly and

urinates under a tree.

What er… What kind of music do you like?

KELLY: Everything.

CLEM: Such a cop out.

You can’t like everything.

What about Jazz?

No one likes Jazz.

KELLY: S’alright.

3

CLEM: Seriously?

You like Jazz?

What sort of Jazz?

KELLY: Jazz.

CLEM: Give me some names, beeyatch.

Kelly shoots him a look.

Oh don’t worry I call everyone beeyatch. Even my hombres. It’s

just a little thing I do…

KELLY: We’ve been past this tree once already.

CLEM: No we haven’t.

KELLY: I recognize those pants.

CLEM: (looking down at his crotch) Have you and me …?

KELLY: The pants on the tree.

Clem looks up. He sees the y-fronts.

KELLY: You don’t know where you’re going do you?

CLEM: Yah I do.

KELLY: So where’s this bus stop?

4

CLEM: I don’t really use the bus tbh.

KELLY: Brilliant.

CLEM: I normally skate. Phweesh!

D’you skate?

You should try it.

It’s sehr cool/

KELLY: Why d’you keep saying that?

CLEM: Sprechen zie Deutsch?

KELLY: Oh my days/

CLEM: It’s German/

KELLY: Look. If you don’t help me get out of here soon I’m gonna miss the

last bus and I don’t wanna be rude about your party or nothing but

I did not have a good time tonight/

CLEM: Roger dat/

KELLY: … and I would really like to go home now.

CLEM: It’s German for very. The word ‘sehr’. Me and my amigos have kind

of adopted it. We use it all the time now. Sehr cool. Sehr kaned.

Sehr hot.

KELLY: (walking off) The bus goes in 5 minutes/

5

CLEM: Not that way!

Kelly stops.

That’s where the lake is.

You can’t go to the lake. Not at night.

A girl drowned there.

KELLY: Grim.

CLEM: Yah. It was like, two hundred years ago or something.

You can still see her apparently. When the moon is out.

KELLY: Maybe she can tell me where the bus stop is.

She turns back.

CLEM: It’s not that way. Trust.

It’s somewhere over in… that direction?

KELLY: Oh my life!

CLEM: We’re close. We’re literally, like, two minutes away/

KELLY: (raising her voice) You said that half an hour ago!

CLEM: Jesus. It’s like being trapped in an episode of East Enders.

6

Don’t give me the eyes again, please. It was a joke!

God you’re hard work. I’m beginning to see why your best friend

ditched you. I’d rather be making out with Christophe than staring

at that scowl/

KELLY: Are you gay or something?

CLEM: No. Although the more time I spend with you the more appealing

the idea is/

KELLY: Fink you’re funny don’t you?

CLEM: I don’t fink. I think. With a ‘th’.

KELLY: Fink you’re so sharp. With your trousers halfway down your

backside and your ‘tight lyrical flow’. Disrespecting women

beeyatch this, beeyatch that. (squaring up to him) Fink you’re

gangster? Is that it? Fink you’re hard?

CLEM: Please don’t hit me.

KELLY: No wonder your girlfriend dumped you/

CLEM: It was mutual.

KELLY: No such thing/

CLEM: Yah there is/

KELLY: That’s just what people say when they get dropped.

Pause.

7

She is pretty/

CLEM: She looked better with long hair/

KELLY: I can see why you’d be choked/

CLEM: Her face is too fat for it short.

KELLY: I thought she looked nice.

Dressed nice.

Not like them other girls.

I thought they’d all be in like, gowns.

CLEM: Ball gowns?

At a house party?

KELLY: Stacey said everyone’d be dressed up posh.

CLEM: So why didn’t you?

Beat.

I wasn’t being rude.

Kelly pulls the tiny cardigan around herself.

It's just that’s clearly not a ball gown.

8

Beat.

Kelly looks at her phone.

KELLY: Brilliant.

I’ve missed it.

CLEM: Soz.

Oh God don’t cry/

KELLY: Ain’t crying.

She turns away from him. Clem rummages in

his pockets, eventually pulling out a packet of

Kingsize Rizlas.

He holds them out to her.

Kelly looks at them.

CLEM: I don’t have any tissues.

Kelly stares at the packet. She starts to laugh.

Clem laughs too.

CLEM: I could always… roll a doobie.

KELLY: No thanks.

CLEM: You don’t schmoke de veed?

9

KELLY: It’s boring.

CLEM: Whoa.

There is an awkward silence.

Clem puts the Rizlas away.

KELLY: Thanks for trying.

To walk me back.

Sorry you had to leave your own birthday party/

CLEM: Really wasn’t an issue. Trust.

KELLY: Ain’t you worried your mates’ll trash the place?

CLEM: Neine.

KELLY: Won’t your mum and dad mind?

CLEM: They’re in Martinique.

KELLY: On your birthday?

CLEM: That was my present. Free house for two weeks. Shazzam. Couldn’t

wait to get on Das Facebuken and announce that shiz.

KELLY: Did you even know half the people there?

CLEM: More the merrier. Long as I’ve got Blud, Skunk and Dread by my

side.

10

My Mandem.

Christophe, Stephan and Digby.

KELLY: Right.

CLEM: We’ve all got names, see? I’m Baron Von Reefer. Pretty self

explanatory.

Four of us are wasser-tight. My band of bruders.

KELLY: What about Muffers?

CLEM: Muffers is not one of the Mandem.

KELLY: They all looked pretty pleased to see him/

CLEM: I think if we head that way we come out by the library/

KELLY: They did that weird wrestle-y thing when he walked in/

CLEM: They do that to everyone/

KELLY: And some sort of special handshake? And this like, oogabooga

chant.

Clem’s quiet.

That was Muffers, right?

The guy that came in with your ex.

11

The one with the teeth?

CLEM: Thank you! No one else can see it.

KELLY: Shut up! He looks like a rat.

CLEM: Yah.

He’s a total douche.

We used to be mates.

Bestest buds.

KELLY: And then he went off with her?

CLEM: Not straight away.

There was a … substantial period of…

Apparently it wasn’t about him, so…

The timing’s not important.

KELLY: Harsh.

CLEM: S’ok. S’not a problem. I’m totally over that beeyatch – sorry.

KELLY: Mates are shit.

CLEM: I thought you girls all had, like, mad love for each other.

12

Guys can’t get a look in the way you’re always hugging and running

off to the toilet holding hands.

I would so love to be a girl, just for a day, just to see what it is you

lot get so excited about.

KELLY: Serious?

CLEM: Must be sehr sweet to have a BFF and talk about dresses and shit

like dat.

KELLY: Maybe if you weren’t mates with Stacey.

CLEM: Yah. What is her problemo? She totally dropped you as soon as

Christophe walked in.

KELLY: She does it every time.

Whenever she meets a guy she’s all like, come out with me Kel, I

need you there. And then we get to wherever it is and she don’t

wanna know. She’s off snogging or whatever and I’m left standing

around looking like a right Jonah.

CLEM: You did look sehr awk.

KELLY: Thanks.

CLEM: I was embarrassed for you.

KELLY: And again. Thank you.

She looks down at her outfit.

13

Probably didn’t help that I looked like a fairy on a Christmas tree.

Clem chuckles.

Another one of Stace’s blinding ideas.

CLEM: You should totally ditch that beeyatch.

Serious.

She’s gash.

KELLY: What. Did you just say?

CLEM: She’s…

It just means she’s rubbish, ok? Doesn’t mean anything rude/

KELLY: It really does/

CLEM: It’s just a word. You were the one slagging her off a minute ago.

You know you people would have a much easier time of it if you

weren’t so touchy/

KELLY: ‘You people’?

CLEM: You… girls.

Sehr emotional.

KELLY: You didn’t mean girls.

14

Did you?

You are one arrogant piece of crap, you know that? You think

you’re better than me? Why? Cos you got a nice big house and your

mum and dad let you do what you like? That just makes you

spoiled. Maybe it’s cos you spent hundreds of pounds trying to

look ‘street’. You don’t look street. You look like Prince Harry at a

rave. You wanna try rocking up on my estate dressed like that,

you’d get lynched, mate. Oh hang on, I know why you fink you’re

better than me it’s cos you’re “sehr cool”, isn’t it? Cos you can

afford to sit around smoking skunk with your mates – sorry, your

‘mandem’. Newsflash. Some of us ain’t got time to sit around

getting blazed all day. Some of us actually have to work hard at

college because there are these things called jobs that normal

people need to survive but you wouldn’t know anything about that

would you, cos you’re spoiled, stupid and lazy and what’s worse

you don’t even know it.

Silence.

I think I’ll find my own way home now thanks.

She walks off.

CLEM: Kelly, wait…

Not that way, that’s the…

Haunted bit.

He waits.

I’m not chasing after you!

15

Such a drama queen…

Kelly can be heard screaming off stage – a

loud, piercing scream…

Kelly?

He runs off stage.

(OFF) Kelly?

Long silence.

Clem lets out a yell of terror. Kelly’s laughter

can be heard.

KELLY: (OFF) My days. Your face!

Kelly and Clem walk back on. Kelly’s still

laughing, Clem is visibly shaken.

CLEM: You shouldn’t jump out at people like that/

KELLY: I was only messing.

CLEM: I thought it was The Lake Girl.

Kelly tries to stop laughing.

KELLY: I’m sorry alright?

She points up at the pants on the tree.

16

Do you need to borrow those?

She thinks this is hysterical.

CLEM: Very funny.

These woods aren’t safe. You can’t just walk off on your own like

that/

KELLY: Think I can look after myself/

CLEM: I was genuinely concerned.

KELLY: Why didn’t you come after me then?

Clem doesn’t answer.

You can’t seriously believe that Lake Girl rubbish?

CLEM: You don’t know this place like I do.

I’ve seen things out here…

Me and the guys came out one time. Christophe had made a Ouija

board. We weren’t seriously expecting anything to happen, I mean

he’d like drawn it on the back of a cornflake packet. We sat here in

this clearing. We didn’t even have a glass we just had a bottle top.

Anyway, we put it on the board and linked hands. We were like,

proper mashed, we just thought it was funny. Then Christophe said

“spirit of the woods can you hear us?” And we were just pissing

ourselves. Then it happened. The bottle top started to move. “A”.

“Y”. “E”. (whispers) “Aye”.

17

Swear down none of us was touching it. At this point, I really

wanted go home, but none of us dared move. I mean it was like we

were weighed down with this, this force, you know? Like we

couldn’t have got up even if we tried. And then Christophe went

(rasping voice) “show yourselves” like that, like he’d been

possessed or something. And then, out of the corner of my eye, I

was aware of this presence, almost like this glowing light, and I

turned my head, like really slowly and there, over by that tree

was…

BOO!

Kelly screams. Now it’s Clem’s turn to burst out

laughing.

KELLY: (hitting him) Not funny.

Clem clearly thinks it is.

CLEM: Your face!

You did it to me!

KELLY: (shoving him) That was different.

CLEM: Thought you were hard. From the mean streets. Not so mean now

are you?

KELLY: I wanna go home. I’ve had enough of it here. Wish I’d never come

to your stupid party or met you, you… (lets out a cry of frustration)

This has literally been the worst night of my life!

18

CLEM: Whoa.

Beat.

Kelly shivers, pulling the cardigan tight around

herself.

Clem looks at her a moment. He takes his

jacket off, holding it out to her.

Kelly stares at the jacket.

CLEM: It’s Aubin and Wills.

Kelly takes it.

It’s shearling.

She smells it.

Got to be loads warmer than all that polyester you’re wearing/

KELLY: (throwing it back at him) Smells of sheep shit.

CLEM: It does not (sniffing it) It smells of… Coco Mademoiselle.

He smells again.

Emma.

She borrowed it when we were together.

19

Only gave it back to me tonight.

KELLY: She slept with your best friend and nicked your jacket?

“You people”.

Clem sniffs the jacket again, inhaling deeply.

CLEM: I kind of thought, as long as she had it, it meant there was a chance

we’d, you know, get back together.

Thought maybe she was hanging onto it because she didn’t want to

let go of me.

He chucks the jacket back to Kelly.

Have it. Or leave it on that tree with the pants. I don’t care.

KELLY: Where you going?

CLEM: Back to mine.

I’ll call you a cab from there.

KELLY: A cab?

That’ll cost like/

CLEM: If it means getting you out of my hair, it’ll be worth it.

KELLY: Thanks.

20

CLEM: I’ve done enough hanging out with people who can’t stand me for

one night.

KELLY: I never said I/

CLEM: You obvs think I’m like this total loser.

S’ok. It’s only what everyone else thinks too.

Emma. Muffers.

KELLY: Screw them.

You’ve still got your Mandem, right? The band of bruders/

CLEM: Everyone wants to hang out with the guy with the free house.

Beat.

I didn’t wanna have a party. It was the only way of getting the boys

round. They’ve been pretty off with me lately. Haven’t exactly

wanted to know. Plus that place is pretty grim when you’re stuck

there on your own.

Mum and dad didn’t go away as a gift to me. Truth was they forgot

it was my birthday.

KELLY: Wow.

CLEM: Yah.

21

So, when you said I was stupid, spoiled and lazy and didn’t even

know it? You were right about the first three things. But don’t

think I’m not aware of it. Cos I am.

Oh and you were wrong about something else too. I never thought

for one second I was better than you. You’re awesome. You’re

smart, you’re tough, you’re like, properly streetwise. OK, so your

voice can get kind of screechy and you do send out like, totally the

wrong signals in those clothes but… if anyone’s sehr cool, you are. I

could tell that after a minute, that’s how long it took me to change

my mind about you, but you – you’ve been judging me all night.

Pause.

KELLY: I don’t really live on an estate.

CLEM: Shut up.

KELLY: I ain’t streetwise. Or tough. I had to have three months off school

last year I was so badly bullied.

CLEM: Mate. That’s rough/

KELLY: Don’t like Jazz either. Don’t know anything about it.

I like One Direction.

CLEM: Who doesn’t?

KELLY: Shut up.

You like One Direction?

22

CLEM: SUCKER! No one likes One Direction! No one with any taste

anyway. (teasing) AKA you.

Kelly laughs. She puts the jacket on.

KELLY: Come on. Let’s go back to yours.

As they walk off…

I’ll even help you clear up the mess.

CLEM: Er… I have a cleaner?

KELLY: Course you do.

CLEM: What? Everyone has a cleaner, right?

KELLY: Oh my days…

They’re gone.

THE END.